tool – $1
you can call me and ask me what i have ###-###-####
Only one dollar? For Tool? Awesome! I’m going to make them perform “Aenima” in its entirety in my backyard. Honestly, I don’t think I need to bother to actually call this guy. As long as I can have Tool, I don’t care what else he has.
Thanks for the link, hb!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
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It’s the wombat emasculator!
I’m gonna get it first suckers!
*Runs away squealing with glee*
Well, duh, the wombat effeminiator is $2!!
Didn’t somebody post a link to a comic strip about just this post, only a few days back? Because I’m not done with my coffee, I can’t tell whether I’m having a memory or a hallucination.
(Edited to note: this was composed while Taco was posting his post with a better memory than mine, apparently. Where is Taco’s coffee, and who will bring it to me?)
I’ve had 3 cups already today. I love Monday! It’s coffee day!
I’m the coffee fairy, *waves his coffee wand (a coffee cruller)* DING! You now have coffee!
Another cup for me too! YAY!
A highly caffinated Taco is truly a wonder to behold.
… We’ve replaced this taco’s normal black beans with espresso beans. Will Sexy Fingers be able to tell the difference? Let’s watch and find out.
*Taco Asplode*
I’ve had 4.5 hours sleep and half a cup of coffee. Can’t stay home today. Outside of being half asleep, I don’t feel too bad. More coffee and I’ll be right as zzzzzz
Monday is coffee day? Until Tuesday when that will be coffee day as well.
I want a bear claw. And watch where you wave that massive cruller wand of yours! You’ll poke somebody’s eye out!
*Sprinkles the denizens of Coffee Land with fresh, yet overpriced pastry*
Every day is Coffee Day here! Except Friday, which is also Coffee day.
Every day is Coffee Day here! Except Friday, which is also Coffee day.
Ah yes, I like being like Walt Kowalski that way,
In the morning you drink coffee and yell at the neighbor kids.
In the evening you have beer and yell at the neighbor kids.
Tasty beverage and shouting–it’s Vogon paradise only with less poetry
I’ll have what Taco’s having. I’ve been up since 3 am with the fusstastic 5 month old Bea Arthur and I can’t think straight. How are these letters even appearing on the screen? ~it is a mystery~
My little ball of cranky was about as much fun last night. Which is why I declared it Coffee Day!
On Coffee Day all your dreams come true. Or at least you’re so addled that you think they do. Which is just as good, IF NOT BETTER!
Wheeeeee!
Dang I so very much want some cafe mexicana with some kahula
I am ashamed to admit that I had two cups of coffee and a slice of cake for breakfast (which I rarely ever do, honest). No sugar buzz… nuthin’. I demand…no, I DESERVE my buzz! *shakes fist*
Please float by, O Faerie, and bless me with your Taco Coffee as well. Please bless me with your giant cruller. I beseech the demigods of Caffeine, Sugar (including Archangel Carbohydrate), and Fat to sustain me throughout this trying* day.
Amen.
*I don’t even have a baby but was awakened at 3 am and had only fitful sleep after. Consequently, my lucidity is also fitful.
Hmmm, I was trying to work up the motivation to get on the treadmill, but now i’m just gonna have to get coffee and a croissant instead – darn you Sexy-Fingers 😉
damn, did I miss the coffee faerie again? I’m always just that bit too late.
The coffee fairy is always here for the good girls and boys who believe!
*Ding* A cup of coffee for you!
*Ding* And another cup for me! Ehehehehehehehehe!
*Tacosplode*
why thanks you Sexy Fingers, but I wish you’d left me a pastry too before asplodin,
That is freaky weird, I was thinking of the same cartoon.
I’m gonna go get my aluminum foil beanie.
It must be the not-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed that he’s selling.
I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to sell yourself on CraigsList.
I’m guessing the $1 could be considered a reasonable rehoming fee and not an outright sale.
But there are so many tools available for free!
Agreed, sj, tools seem to be available for free in all sizes and shapes and yet so undesirable for a bunch of reasons, too many to list. Just ask all three of my daughters.
OT: I must have been absent, bubble-ized or uncaffeinated on the day the YSac Memes and Minions in the forums were taken off. Bring me up to speed anyone?
I don’t think there are any sharp tools in his shed. Both metaphorically and literally.
He also has to wear mittens and a helmet when working in his shed.
He also thinks the lawn mower is his pet schnauzer Toro.
actually I was just thinking that he IS a tool, but maybe that’s just me needing more coffee.
Gosh! There must be dozens of ads just like this, all over CL! Wonder if it’s a keyhole saw?
By the way, here’s a look at the comic that ran the day after the CL one:
http://www.the-whiteboard.com/autotwb1207.html
I forgot to pseudo-sarcastically thank you for posting the link to The Whiteboard. Shortly after reading the comic you posted, I went back and read their entire archive over the period of about 12 hours.
It has now been added to my weekly webcomic ritual in the MWF slot.
Awesome! I love the recent arc where Doc was moving faster than people could see. Of course, as all his adventures, This Did Not End Well. 8)
Ah, the keyhole saw, thanks for having better memory than mine; it was really kicking my not-a-dollar adze.
Having reached the bottom of my coffee cup, I’m wondering whether this post is a practical joke, ineptly executed. Maybe it was posted using some poor friend’s phone number.
Caller: Um, I’m calling about your tool?
Friend: What? Who is this?
Caller: Didn’t you put your tool on Craigslist?
Second Caller: Hi, I’m wondering what kind of tool you have.
Friend: This is going to go on all day, isn’t it?
Second Caller: Seriously, are you still willing to sell it for a dollar?
Friend: Please flag that post as inappropriate. I’m not selling anything. And I’m going to kill Brian if he’s behind this.
Yeah, this would be a really inept practical joke. Whoever orchestrated it is a total tool.
*Flees*
Fexy Singers Isaac:
benefit of the doubt – $1
You can call me and ask me how un-jaded my soul is.
Revenge via CraigsList. I like.
*Makes notes, then goes to look up ex’s email*
Revenge on exes? Maybe HHNF posted this.
Hello?
Yes, I’m calling about your tool, what do you have exactly?
Well, I’m not very good with tools so all I can do is describe it. It’s fairly long and rather cylindrical.
So like a center punch?
No, I don’t think you’re getting me here. It’s kinda soft, you know?
So more like a buffing spindle?
Well no, see it’s soft at first but becomes hard when you use it. You follow?
Oh, so a tube of epoxy puddy?
You know what, never mind.
I just wanted to know if this tool needed small, medium, large or extra large wrapping. I was guessing extra-small tool, as a dollar doesn’t get you much these days.
If I were to use your tool in Europe, would it need an adapter?
A ‘GOOD’ tool always comes with it’s own adapter!
Has it been used fairly recently or will it require vast amounts of a good lubricant before it is in working order?
On the other hand, maybe there’s a typo in the title of the post, and Sparky meant to put an f where he put a t.
Sparky: Hi!
Caller: Um, I’m calling to ask what you have.
Sparky: A mild case of retardation. But I’m pretty high functioning. I can even use the internet!
Alternately, perhaps he meant toof.
Or foot?
Well, if no keyhole saw is involved, perhaps Sparky is stuck along side a turnpike and needs a Toll?*
*I know the Sparkies out there arer taking a toll on me. [cue MP tax sketch]
My toothpaste tastes like candy canes
My feet smell like bananas.
my cat’s breath smells like cat food
My doctor said my nose would stop bleeding if I just kept my finger outta’ there!
My bananas smell like feet.
My Disney skunks smell like flowers and my Disney mermaids smell like fish.
My arches are falling.
I’ve decided, you people are all very weird………………….
must be why I fit in so well I guess
Cue song, When You’re Strange
When yer strange, people come outta the rain…(with unbublers)…when yer straaaaaaaaaaaaaange..
Faces come out of the rain….
assuming we’re both thinking of the same song that is Capn
think we were typing at the same time there CJ
Yep, we are all on the same page. I blame the dream where I had to lean out the window and yell at jjw to stop with the Doors covers.
But, now, it’s “Faces in your dreams/fingers in your back…”
But, I’m on that cusp of coffee to beer and not enough shouting.
Careful! This is a classic bait and switch. Call and you’ll end up with a 1968 set of Encyclopedia Britannica……..
Having been to a Tool show, let me say this- You’d have to pay me a hell of a lot more than $1 to go through that again.
And no, Tool is not the band name of the day.
I will suggest this as the ySac band name of the day, and possibly of all time:
http://www.notanairplane.com/
Screwed over?
They make a kit for that, now.
For $1, I really don’t want to know what he has….especially if it’s contagious.
I’m not sure if you can catch stupid. It seems to be hereditary.
I was picturing a dental cleaning tool, with the waterpick attachment.
Never used, as evidenced by the chronic halitosis that melted my phone. Safer not to call at all.
Maybe the $1 is the price you pay to call and ask this tool what he has?
===I’ve had no sleep since Saturday and I cannot have caffeine, so please forgive me if my sense of reality is warped today.
A bit of unrelated and shameless self-advertising.
There is an 8 stanza teaser up for my Suess project that I added today. Any help tackling some of the questions I’ve posed would be greatly appreciated.
If one of the questions is “How do you spell Seuss,” then I think I have an answer for you…
The true irony is that it’s spelled correctly in the forums, and I’ve spelled it correctly several other times today. I don’t know what I was doing over here though… probably that caffeine powder I snorted.
I’m reading this as “I’m a tool without a dollar to my name.”
Hey Chthulhu, long time no tentacle.
You’re quite the Wal-Mart greeter today Sexy Taco…
I’m on my 5th cup of coffee of the morning. I’m feeling particularly social today (if not able to spell very well).
I think, though, that it has negatively impacted my ability to snark effectively. I should write a few more stanzas for the book while my blood caffine level is still above 1.2.
There’s only so much to snark about regarding an ad that consists of a dozen words. Your forum looks fun though.
Taco, for some reason I think you spell and punctuate better when highly caffeinated. We might have to do studies to be sure, but in my casual observation today, it seems that way to me (ex: puddy – I couldn’t figure out why you were talking about cats).
I do know how to spell putty, but caffine told me that I didn’t need to do it this time. 🙂
Thanks, SF; I’m still here, still check the ad each day, but generally lack the inspiration to post. Maybe more coffee will help? 🙂
You know, I think there is a coffee fairy floating around here somewhere who could help with that…
Did somebody say tool? Because I’m done dancin’ on the ceiling, and I can’t get down. A tool would be nice.
Holy crap, man. You got really wasted last night on de Bacontini. I tink Fakintini stapled you to de ceiling while you were up dere dancing.
If we find de staple puller we should be able to get you down.
But first, Bacontini need to find his pants. He also need to figure out who’s underwear he got on. Good party though, plenty of de cheese fro.
NA Lionel is just lucky I stopped everyone from using the sharpie on him. Sharpie never comes out of terracotta.
Are we supposed to deduce the true identity of Bacontini from the whose / who’s confusion there?
I’m forming a theory…
Nonsense. Must be a coincidence.
It’s obviously my schtick which he’s stealing for his fake accent.
Must be.
Nope, not going to call. I’m perfectly happy not knowing anything about this guy’s tool.
A dollar for a tool is a bargain considering the cast of Jersey Shore is getting $10,000 per appearance. The next time my country needs a celebrity at the grand opening of their re-education center, er, academic excellence facility, I’ll keep this poster in mind.
tools
LOL! I lurrvvv me some Far Side…
Hmmmm – SexyFingers? Would those be related to those MagicFingers vibrating bed massagers that they used to have in questionable motels? Put a quarter in the slot and they’d shake the bed for five minutes – so, SF, how long do you shake the bed, and where does one insert the quarter?
Perhaps, just perhaps, SF has a $1.00 shaking tool.
Semi-offtopic:
There’s a company in my town that’s been leaving their signs at the corners of properties they worked on.
Name of the company?
“ROOFS! ROOFS! ROOFS!”
Everytime I drive by one of those signs, I think of you guys and start laughing.
Ok, I’m torn, either we book “Tools for a Dollar” or “Dollar Tools 4 Sale”; but having Crazy Rae the DJ might be better at the 40watT 2niTe.
I sure could use a vacation from this, bullshit three ring circus sideshow of freaks.
I’ve a suggestion to keep you all occupied. Learn to swim.
*Not a suggestion for my YSaC friends, merely basking in the coolness of the song reference today.
I’m prayin’ for rain. I’m prayin’ for tidal waves.
(actually, no I’m not, it’s rained quite enough here in New England)
Grampdaddy, I’ve decided to punch you with a few tools today. Look over the selection for a dollar, and pick the one you most want to have plunged through your card. 8)
Ooooh! – Thanks, Windrose! Having pondered the selection, I would like to choose an antique implement for my $1.00. Because, of course, there is no tool like an old tool.
*I’ll go peacefully now – no need for the restraints.*
“Plunging tools” sounds like something that should be banned for those under 18 (or 21), depending on your locality.
Sadly, I’d take an honest buck for mine in a Chicago second.
Should I hold out for more?
Don’t answer that. Don’t you dare.
Denny, you can hold it out, but it might get broken.
It’s Monday Night and Time for YSaC Tourette’s Theater!
A man walked into a bar and told the bartender, I have a table for sale! Take it for free!
The barman ROOFER!!ROOFER!!ROOFER’d the poor man’s Bacontini, as he’d brought in a mine hors, poddle and a bunch more, too many to list, which were messing up the barman’s vintage newspaper and knocking over the display of rare cereals.
OT – Glad my intertubes let me back in here… Work only lets me see the front page – any cut jumps or attempts to read comments or the forum result in a terse 400 Bad Error or somesuch. Makes Jen a sad and snark-less panda. I miss all the crazy comments, though the front page still livens the day. 🙂
Clear your cache and/or history and restart? I get those issues periodically, sometimes you have to do it several times in a few days, and then it settles down again. Good luck – the more here the merrier! And your memelicious post shows you haven’t forgotten much in your time away!
Hooray, Jen! Glad to see you back. And as Lola said, this site likes to play its little tricks on us. I had to switch from Firefox to Internet Explorer to make it work. Go figure!
I had to switch from IE to Firefox to make it work! Parallel universe?
Yes — clear your cache and cookies, and see if that helps. Enough people have reported this problem now that I’ve asked my hosting company to look into it; they say they can’t find anything wrong, but there’s obviously something!
Welcome back, Jen!