YSaC, Vol. 660: Forget it, he’s rolling.

2010 May 8
by dan

No time to do your homework I can help


Hello Everyone I am a current College student and I know what it feels like to balance a busy work schedule and maintain good grades in your classes. I Can help you if you need an assignment done and do not have the time to do it. Don’t worry about having to study for your finals and figure out how you are going to write your paper let me assist you in that.

Now, this person is someone who knows what it feels like to maintain good grades in their classes. Therefore, they must know all about spelling and capitalization. Since they have capitalized the lone word “College,” and they are a grammar expert, there’s only one place they could have gone to school, and only one person this could be:

I would SO hire this guy.

Thanks for the link, Rob & Julie!

36 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 May 8
    Windrose permalink

    Once I could not speel culledge stoodent. Now, I are one.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 May 8
      christina permalink

      Keep up the gud werk and you’ll get into any yoonuvursaty you want!

      Adores: 0
  2. 2010 May 8
    Hips of Steel permalink

    You better listen to him, he’s pre med.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 May 8
      Meredith permalink

      OH, is he a model, too???!!!

      Adores: 4
  3. 2010 May 8

    I actually thing this guy deserves some credit. Take a look, this Sparky is far advanced above the rest: Note the properly-used apostrophe.

    Adores: 1
  4. 2010 May 8
    Meredith permalink

    Soooo, you know what it’s like to be a college student, struggling with the deadline of papers while trying to study for finals? You know the struggle so well, that you are willing to “help” me by taking on my current workload in addition to your own? And I’m to believe that MY work will not only be finished by you, but be good enough to help me keep up good grades??? What are you, some kinda super-student?!

    What’s that you say? Oh, you never said it would be any good, just that it would be “done”? Well okay then, sign me up!

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 May 8
      Lethe permalink

      So… you mean there might have been some problems with that history paper he wrote for me about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor? Crap!

      Adores: 15
      • 2010 May 8
        CapnMac permalink

        Wait, the one he wrot fer me was on how the Gremans Harboured Purls
        which is why hystory’s got a WorF and Weavf, an’ I doan grok Klingonee that gud, so’s I gots belief him.

        Hey, I made Deans Last!!

        WooHoo, Kegger

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 May 8
        Bridgete permalink

        Ah crap, he wrote a history paper for me too. It was about when the Confederacy won the Civil War.

        Adores: 2
  5. 2010 May 8
    christina permalink

    I had this guy do my math homework. All the answers were 420.

    Adores: 14
    • 2010 May 8
      Windrose permalink

      So you got a 100%? Did you have to talk to the professor after class?

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 May 8
        christina permalink

        I did. Apparently he thought I should go into social work or health sciences because he gave me a bunch of pamphlets on drug addictions and community outreach programs. Wasn’t that nice of him?

        Adores: 6
  6. 2010 May 8

    Bobby Bouchet cannot make it as a water-boy anymore, so he has turned to using his second greatest talent to help support Mama and Steve.

    By the way, he’s particularly versed in alligator behavior.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 May 8
      christina permalink

      Well Bobby, I asked for a report on the role of women in politics for my gender studies class, but my prof wasn’t too happy with the single sentance “Mamma says women are the devil.” I think I’ll write my own paper on alligator dentistry.

      Adores: 4
  7. 2010 May 8
    Windrose permalink

    “Don’t worry about having to study for your finals and figure out how you are going to write your paper let me assist you in that.”

    This sounds like he’s willing to do the worrying for you. Or at least, assist you in worrying. Thanks, dude, I feel better already!

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 May 8
      Lola permalink

      Dang, where was this guy when my grandmother was alive? She worried about everything, and could have used his help! Or was it only for homework? Maybe not so much, then – she was mainly interested in worrying about other people’s business.

      This guy does get the asshat tag, but I like the fact that he’s not specifically just asking to help student damsels in distress. He’s a non-gender-specific, equal-opportunity asshat.

      Adores: 3
  8. 2010 May 8
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Really love this person’s entrepreneurial spirit! With this kind of drive and educational excellence, they should graduate Magna cum Dumbass with special honors.

    Adores: 4
  9. 2010 May 8

    Hey, if he’s going to study for me, he’d better take the test for me too. Otherwise it does me no good.

    Adores: 5
  10. 2010 May 8
    LimeLolly permalink

    Wonder how much he charges to be your substitute for the frat kegger that’s scheduled the night before your big final?

    Adores: 5
  11. 2010 May 8
    CapnMac permalink

    [tired, pedantic, lives-in-a-U-town, corey]
    I would like to know just what is it about the penumbra of anonymity that CL provides, that allows, encourages, entices, CL-listers to solicit illegalities so freely and remorselessly.

    What about CL, of U-life, of out modern times suggests that this is a needful service? Moreover, just who is the perceived client base? Bad enough when CL seems to trump EEOC rules, or fair trade laws, or even bounds of common hygiene (let alone decency).

    Can this be part of the larger problem? Where there are so many willing to embrace willful ignorance? Nay, to not merely embrace that, but build that ignorance into ramparts against obvious logic, sapience, sentience and ratiocination?

    O tears, O, I weep, my fellow silver erudite cerebrating fellows; for I fear we will be as diamonds among the zirconia pursed in otis porcinae.
    [/corey]

    Adores: 0
  12. 2010 May 8
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    “I know what it feels like to balance a busy work schedule and maintain good grades in your classes.”

    You’re already maintaining good grades in my classes? Gee, thanks!

    Adores: 8

    • 2010 May 8
      MrWhite permalink

      Close your tags, man. There are ladies present.

      Adores: 6
  13. 2010 May 8
    mudslicker permalink

    I need a 10 page paper on The Social and Religious Influences Of Toga Parties Throughout the Ages. Stat!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 May 8
      Lola permalink

      Mudsy’s in on a Saturday! Hi!

      Bonus points on the paper for parsing the effects of “I gave my love a cherry.”

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 May 8
        CapnMac permalink

        Recommendations for Prevention of Explosive Deconstruction in Student-operated Kilns, and associated soci-etholicgical ramifications.

        Adores: 1
  14. 2010 May 8
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Oooh! Oooh! I don’t suck! (much….)

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 May 8
      Windrose permalink

      Grampdaddy, in honor of Mother’s Day in the US tomorrow, I am punching your card early-like. Punchity-punch punch! Congratulations, and join us again tomorrow for another round of YOU DON’T SUCK!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 May 8
        Grampdaddy permalink

        My dear Windrose,

        Ow! Ow-ity, Ow! Ow. (Sorry – enjoying it so much I lost track).

        “I start to chuckle,
        then my knees buckle,
        when you use those knuckles,
        you use so well.

        They’re made of brass,
        my chin’s like glass,
        I’m on my (gr)ass
        It’s just as well.”

        In honor of Mother’s Day – and the fact that you rarely get the award you so freely distribute – I would like to present you with an alternative. So, prepare yourself, here is your own, personal –

        Bang, Bangity, Bang.

        Tune in tomorrow for further adventures!

        Say ‘Goodnight’, Gracie.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 May 8
          Windrose permalink

          Gee, I hope my husband doesn’t find out you’re banging me at YSaC! He might take away my internet privileges. 8) Thank you, that’s a very sweet thing you did there.

          G’Night, Gracie!

          Adores: 3
  15. 2010 May 9
    Windrose permalink

    Thirty two posts! That is an outrage! I suppose you will all claim to have gone home to visit Mom this weekend. Well, I am not buying it. It’s not even the answer to life, the universe, and everything! Thirty two my great aunt Sookie!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 May 10
      LimeLolly permalink

      Did Great Aunt Sookie post?

      Adores: 0
  16. 2010 May 10
    Innana permalink

    A few years ago Laura K. Krishna (pseudonym) tried to find one of these helpful students. She got her crank yanked.

    http://www.aweekofkindness.com/blog/archives/articles/the_laura_k_krishna_saga/

    Short version, she connected with the last person she should have, who wrote a purposely awful paper, posted the entire transaction (Krishna tried to stiff him on the payment), readers started calling the dean to tell him about it, and she got called into his office.

    The details are much funnier (and sadder).

    Adores: 2

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