YSaC, Vol. 743: What’s brown, and sounds like a bell?
Hey kids! It’s time for nature facts! You like nature facts, right? Timmy, please stop kicking Lisa. Thank you. Now, as I was saying, it’s time for nature facts!
Behold, the humble dung beetle:
Many species of dung beetle roll balls of dung much larger than they are for food and laying eggs. In fact, according to Wikipedia, “Dung beetles can roll up to 50 times their weight. Male Onthophagus taurus can pull 1,141 times their own body weight: the equivalent of an average person pulling six double-decker buses full of TIMMY IS A DOODY-HEAD!”
Lisa, please stop vandalizing Wikipedia from your iPhone.
Now, as I was saying, dung beetles can roll things weighing many times their own body weight. What question does that raise?
No, Timmy, it does NOT raise the question of why Lisa is so icky.
That’s right, it raises the question – “How do dung beetles get so strong?”
Adjustable Dungbells – $25
All good shape, not getting used here.
2 metal dungells with clamps on each one,
8 5 pound weights,
4 1/4 pound weights,
and 2 2 1/2 pound weights.
Asking $25 obo.###-###-#### call/text
thanks for your time.
Next time on nature facts, “Where do stoats open their checking accounts?”
Thanks for the link, Heath!
All good shape, not getting used here
Why do I think the second half of that statement came straight out of Mrs. Sparky’s mouth. “Dungbells? DUNG!BELLS! Those are NOT getting used here!”
What exactly constitutes a “good shape” for poo?
Judging by the picture the Ostrimu thoughtfully provided, I would say “round”.
I gotta tell ya, that perfect sphere is a great shape for poo! I have always wondered how those little guys get their prize so perfectly round. You could play pool with those things! You might have to throw away the cue and refelt the table, but still……
Playing pool?
Ew.
I have a feeling that today, when the line is crossed, it’s going to be pretty bad. I think I’ll go put the brain bleach in the crock pot.
Oh, haha. Lou, would you mind terribly curling into a ball? Band Camp starts on Monday, and I could use some work on my… armceps. After all, stool is a synonym for dung.
But I am of the “Lou” variety. I don’t curl into a ball very well.
Ooh, what kind of band camp? I love band camp!
NO, not THAT Band Camp.
The kind of band camp which can be found here:
http://caryband.org/band_camp/band_camp.html
And, at the same site, you can go to the photo gallery and see lots o’ pretty pitchers of us at Band Camp last year. I’d post a link, but it might be too massive to post without having to sit in moderation.
Sounds like fun! We’ve started Pre-Season Marching at our school–freshman training was last week, so I had fun whipping those little beggars into shape. I think I was an evil Drill Captain. Bwahahahaha.
Have fun at band camp!
Granted, it’s not all fun and games. Here’s our scale for “pushing the ground”.
Minor Mess-Up – 5
Major Mess-Up – 10
Drop a Mouthpiece or Slide – 25 (I think)
Hit your instrument on something – 50 (although this one isn’t always enforced)
Kick an instrument – 100, and you pay for it to be fixed.
Drop an instrument – 200, and you pay for it to be fixed.
If you get to 200 points you have to spend a day in the hot box without water.
Those aren’t points. They’re how many push-ups you do right then. If it’s more than 10 and could disrupt practice, you get off the field, and push the ground until you’ve finished.
Well, if it’s 100 or 200, they let you do them in sets of 50.
Also, I forgot, drop a slide is also 50, but only if you’re a Trombonist.
I think if you freeze Mr. Lou, ala our dear friend Walt, you could
probably shape him into lots of handy items.
I’m not sure how to tie this in, besides the round poo thing… But Mythbusters did prove that it’s possible to polish a poo! See? Wikipedia isn’t completely tragic, if they have Mythbusters stuff on there 🙂
Yes, that was a Moste Epicke Thyng.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale
Ewww.
I used to like Wikipedia.
Yeah, I knew exactly what I was getting into when I clicked that link, and I still gagged a little -_-
When I was living in England, this was included in a nice glossy women’s magazine article. I was gagging for hours.
But they did seem to have some kind of anal fixation all around; a character in a TV mystery talked about his regular habits, every morning at 8:30; a comedy had a character following another into a bathroom stall; and many of the streets had nice little visual aids.
…”many of the streets had nice little visual aids…”
I really hope that means signs of some sort and not … deposits.
Oh! Kinda like the Bortle Dark-Sky Scale—only different.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bortle_Dark-Sky_Scale
I have questions here, Sparky.
If they’re not getting used here, where are they getting used?
Is dungell what you use on your hands to lift weights? Thank you for your time.
Soo, anyone want some rum balls? Yummy chocolaty goodness! With real rum!
What?
These are rump balls Windy. Big difference.
Um, I’m not in anatomy class, but I thought those balls would be somewhere else.
NOOOO… not EYEB….. oh rum.
Sure, thanks.
So what sound do they make when you ring them?
It’s like a brown bell.
DUNG!
…And produces a definite brown note!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_note
Mythbusters did that one, too :-p
So did South Park. But without the finesse.
This is so odd. My fortune from my fortune cookie last night read, “Buy dungbells, have crappy workout.”
I see a trip to the box heading your way.
“…in bed!”
Someone had to say it.
A door for you, SJ!
You have a box in your bed?
Wait a minute, I’m not sure I want to know… -_-
Isn’t it counter-productive to have a don’t suck box in bed?
See! I told you all the line we keep crossing was a whore!
…in bed.
Nevermind. It’s not as funny when it actually works with the context.
But, Drmk! Lisa’s being such a poohead! Gosh, Lisa, why do you have to be such an icky girl?
Lassie, go throw Timmy in the well, there’s a good girl.
Wait! There’s a phone call for Timmy!
It’s Susan B. Anthony on Line 1 for him.
Clamping dung must be HARD. It’s like pinning jello to the wall… only with poo.
Of course if you’re gonna decorate with clamped and nailed poo I think you have bigger issues.
So it would be the interior decorator’s version of a Cleveland steamer?
Line Crossed.
EDIT: Astro, if you don’t know what that is, don’t Google it.
Yep. I go put myself in the corner.
EDIT – Anyone who is fortunate not to know what that is, should not under any circumstances Google it.
Oh come on you guys. Why spoil a perfectly good corey-learning experience by providing a warning? I say, anyone who doesn’t know what it is —- Google your little hearts out.
Mudslicker–corrupting the innocent, one Google search at a time.
Someone’s gotta take that challenge on. 😉
Besides, if they’re in here, their innocence is totally up for debate.
Muddy, you are an awful influence. I like that about you.
It’s a TRAP!
I concur… my innocence was corrupted within the first week at this place.*
*may not be true
Meh. My innocence was corrupted back in the 7th Grade, long before I found YSaC.
I rightfully place the blame on lunch.
I was never really ‘innocent’–living on a farm, it was part of my duty to inform my parents which sheep were probably now pregnant and with whom they shared the child.
This has got to be the third or fourth “don’t google this!” that I’ve never heard of in the last couple months… and of course, my poor naive brain is thinking “come on, it can’t be thaaaaaat bad…” but then my common sense says “yes. Yes it could be. Besides, you’re on a work computer!” and my curiosity says “but you have your android…” and common sense says “If you remember when you get home, you can look it up there…”
And then I go take my Haldol.*
*This may not actually be true.
It is thaaaat bad if you’re on a work computer. And , as for remembering when you get home, it’s also a term I wish I didn’t know. I say, bask in the glow of your innocence.
Unless you have a Bedazzler. Everything’s calassay when it’s bedazzled.
I have a bedazzler…wait.
No, no… I do not have a bedazzler. You’re on your own, LRC.
I think I have a bedazzler. It’s outside with my bike.
Dungbell is just the southern female version of dungeon…
Yes, so they’re changing their name to Bell Dung, so as not to offend southern sensibilities.
No, Bell Dung is how Elmer Fudd likes his steaks.
I thought that was Jackie Chan.
Jackie’s brother, Elmer Fudd-Chan…
“Be velly, velly quiet we’l hunting labbits”
Wait, now this is Ma Bell’s dung?
Manda…. Manda. Manda! Wake up! They’re talking about your poo.
85 pound weights?
22 1/2 pound weights?
ALL FOR ONLY 25 OBOES?
YOU’RE MAD, MR. SPARKYBEETLE!
Yes, I realize that it’s actually 5 pound weights in the quantity of 8. Let me have my fun.
I read it that way at first glance and thought “No wonder they’re not getting used, I wouldn’t want 85 pounds of dung either.”
85 pounder, that’s a big one. Reminds me of that time I ate steak for a week then got all consti…
Gotta go.
Don’t forget to use the air freshener!
Or at least light a match, for god sape.
You should ‘never’ light a match around dangerous fumes.
Talk about dropping a load.
I have been told many, many times that I’m full of it, but I’ve never been that full.
So you don’t have brown eyes, SJ ?
:Checks mirror:
Nope, still blue. I just drank a big glass of water, though.
I could use a dungbell. It will go well with my staturdary bilecycle.
You could put it next to your swimming poo.
I thought it usually just floated?
Oh look, A Line!
:crosses:
What do you call a Dungbell in a pool?
A bobber.
I thought it was really a Baby Ruth bar?
I also call it
“Poop in the pool!!! Somebody’s got some ‘splaining to do Lucy.”
By the way, I think I’m going to go through with writing the screenplay discussed yesterday. Here’s scene 2, and what I’ve got of scene 3:
This will be a hit–it has a good cast and more of a plot than most action flicks nowadays.
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my script?
It took me days to write, will you take a look?
It’s based on a Tardis by a kid named Astro
And he needs a job, so he wants to be a screenplay writer,
Screenplay writer.
It’s the dirty story of a dirty Taco man
And his calassay woman doesn’t understand.
Al Sharpton is working for the Daily Kos [Cos],
He’s got chocolate cake but he wants to be a screenplay writer,
Screenplay writer.
It’s elebenty!!+! pages, give or take a math cat
I’ll be writing more about this gross asshat.
I can make it longer if you like massive links,
I can change it round but I want to be a screenplay writer.
If you really like it you can TAKE IT FOR FREE,
It could make an OBO for you overnight.
If you must return it, you can send it to [Location] Ish
But I need a break and I want to be a screenplay writer,
Screenplay writer.
And people were worried Astrowriter here was going to inadvertently Google “Cleveland steamer”.
HAHAHAHA!
*Googles “Cleaveland steamer”*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Bacontini unlike!
That’s because de Bacontini spelled it incorrectly. Your spelling probably produced something that had to do with butcher’s knives.
Cleaveland is where de smoked pork belly is cut into strips of de delicious bacon.
Oh…well my mistake then. Be my guest and carry on….
I thought that was the knife and low calorie cookery store in downtown Ish.
:looks at map:
No, my mistake – that’s The CleaverLand Steamer.
A door for you Astro, even though you managed to make the YSaC archives sound like a very creepy place. Actually, take another door for that, I like creepy.
They sound creepy because:
1) We kind of are creepy here.
2) Corey already messed up that version of the archive. In another scene, he will not have messed with the post yet, and it will be a well-lit physical representation of a “Snark Lounge”.
But will it be a clean, well lighted place?
Well, take a look around and judge for yourself.
Okay, maybe considering the topic of today’s post, this isn’t the best one to judge that on. Go back a day or two and judge it on that.
The way you described The Snark Lounge put me in mind of
Hemingways’ description of Harry’s Bar, which he always said
was “A clean, well lighted place.”
I think I should have [corey]ed that.
I beg many pardons.
No corey needed in my opinion, Smedley. One of my favorite Hemingway stories.
And the one I first thought of after hearing the line in the movie “Silverado” on how a bar should have a certain “smell” to it.
But Harry’s always seemed perverse to me. A bar is only well-lit after closing or before opening. The former is seldom clean, the latter subject to much interpretation.
He also has 2 metal dungells. Sounds painful anyway, but in an “ell” shape? Double ouch.
He’s selling a horse too?
Dun gel(l)ding?
No, that’s the sound you hear when a horse is getting his, er um, package lopped off.
*Done! Gell! DING!*
Too much iron in his diet.
What do you think puts the “iron” in iron horse?
*Harley pipes go VRRROOOOOOOMMM*
Harley needs to get his or her pipes checked if they keep going VRRROOOOOOOMMM. They might need a good cleaning.
That’s what they sound like after the balls first go WHACK and then DING!
Doctor says that will improve over time.
[caffeine corey]On way to work this morning, following a large tanker truck with COFFEE emblazoned on the back…wondered if it pulled in here?[/end caffeine corey]
I would love some real coffee. The [censored] doctor told me my blood pressure is too high and to cut back on the caffeine so I switched to decaf. Every time I see someone walk by with a cup I want to rip off their smug heads and bathe in their caffeinated blood.
I may have gotten a little moodier since I switched.
SJ, I have a heart condition…it’s got a reaaaaaalllll long, complex, name but basically it’s a benign condition that lots of people have and it causes palpitations. Anywho, my cardiologist suggested I whoa up on the caffeine. I told him that if I did that then palpitations would be the least of my worries, and did he know a good criminal defense attorney.
He laughed…I didn’t…awkward aardvark of silence (hey! band name!) entered the room, looked around, and left. I offered to cut back on the caffeine and doc agreed.
Funny thing is I’ve not noticed any changes, good or bad, in the condition…and I’m already taking meds for high BP.
Awkward Aardvarks of Silence
performing their new single
What Have You Dung?
Ooh, I like Awkward Aardvark of Silence! Sounds like an emo band.
(I have definitely noticed a change, but I’m not sure if it’s lack of real coffee or just Life in general.)
The medicos are quick to offer up these sorts of suggestions for their
victimspatients.Try and find one who has actually followed their own dicta to salubrious effect.
Far too many of these folk ought to be wearing masks with feathers and animal parts, and dance about making noises to frighten the ill humours away.
(Seen, in a location not normally visible to public: “Q: Why are there 980,000 lawyers in the US? A: Because there are 785,000 doctors!”)
Oh, I almost forgot. I need your help.
Prepare to see my extremely geeky side.
You see, I am a member of a Harry Potter roleplaying forum (get your minds out of the gutter, it’s family friendly), and I private messaged someone asking if they wanted to have our characters roleplay. This was their response:
This sounds like Sparkese. I can’t make heads or tails of it, or discern whether or not it is a yes or a no.
I’m thinking it’s a maybe. As in, Hmm, (I’m not sure) I’ll tell (you when I make up my mind) thank u.
I concur.
Or maybe they are telling on you.
SparkyPotter: MODDDDD, Astro wants to roleplay!
ForumModerator: No roleplaying in the house!
I think Headmistress Sniyder would yell at her for complaining like that.
Sparky thinks, “They can’t possibly be dumbbells. DUMB bells? Naw, they wouldn’t call them stupid bells. Must be dung bells. How smart me am!”
Yeah, calling them “dumb” would just be…..
…dumb.
But I’m sure he wrestled with whether they were called dungbells or dumpbells. How ironic that the translation comes out the same and is merely semantic.
The [corey] of it is that they as “dumb” bells in that they are mute, no matter how rung, will not sing. The “bell” part coming from the resemblance of the disks to a blank for stamped bells.
Similar to how “free” weights are not gratis, they are just not attached to some other apparatus for use.
[/corey]
*And today on HamCan’s poetry corner*
I loathe thy music, foul dungbell,
I loathe thine brown slime,
To clamps adjustable, to metal dungell,
It smells like tons of grime.
Thy stench upon me creeps
The nose-bound WOAH-boy! smells,
It charms a skunk to sleep,
It kills him as he wails.
To the land of Nod we send your odors
Thy noisomeness called our fighters of fire,
And good men thought thy scary voice
Discharged by Micheal Myers.
And soon thy music, sad dungbell,
Shall lift its notes once more,
And mix my requiem with Taco wind
That makes my nares sore.
**Approving snaps come from the audience.**
You all can make jokes, but these weights are adjustable with clamps! Imagine how many pounds you could lose.
But if you lose them in the port-a-potty, I’m not going after them.
Stomach clamps?
Maybe sphincter ? Hope the clamps are easily adjusted.
I think that’s called a plug…
(Not my fault, the line was crossed waaaaay earlier)
There was no mention of this object in the ad. You’ll have to buy the accessories separate.
This reminds me of a joke about a monkey and a cork…
Man, the line’s getting to be a real whore. It keeps letting everyone cross it, doesn’t even ask them out to dinner first or anything.
I’ve used that line before…
Maybe we should buy the line a bacontini and get to know it better first.
In the labs again today so I won’t get to hang out here again. [pout]
[personal corey]However, on the “poop in the pool” subject, my family is largely in medicine so biology has never been a taboo subject: any time, any place, any biological question was fit for discussion. I vividly recall a dinner party in my teens when my parents and the hosts had a 10 minute discussion on whether or not poo floats.
The conclusion was that it depended a great deal on what you had been eating and how your innards happened to be working that day.
This was, apparently, the conclusion to a discussion that started many *many* years earlier when the hostess was my mom’s manager. My mom was with a patient in a hydrotherapy pool and called to report that the pool would need to be cleaned because the patient pooped. The manager did not believe her and asked if it was floating. My mother reported that it was indeed floating. The manager then definitively stated that it was not poo because, “Poo doesn’t float.”[/personal corey]
So, what I want to know is, do these dungbells float?
And here I was about to go make lunch.
I guess it’ll have to wait, then.
Perhaps holding off is a good thing then.
Remember Astro, you admitted it yourself that lunch was the culprit to blame regarding some [sort of] innocence lost in 7th grade*.
*I believe everything anybody ever says in here is the truth
In that case, I’m a millionare from Nigeria who wants to send you a cashier’s check!
I’m also a flying unicorn.
And my name’s really Bob.
Nice to meet you Bob the horse from Nigeria! You have *something* on your forehead. It looks painful—like you were impaled from inside your skull. You might want to take a wing and yank it out of there.
I’ve got a great poncho for you. It’s laying around here somewhere.
My corrupted innocence is more accurately pinpointed on the people who I sat with.
That was YOU!!! at the lunch table???
Pshaw, you’re not a unicorn. Bob’s no kind of unicorn name. Now had you said Charlie, I’d be all up in yo’ biz about taking a trip to Candy Mountain.
I doubt the 85 pound ones do.
The 4 1/2 ones might.
The most appealing part?
He made them from a DIY kit.
Used to be a time when you would do me in Pampers
Mommy used to brag about it all the time
Her friends seemed to think it was a stinky thing
But my friends say a rash is on your behind
Who’s right?
Well have you seen my dung lately?
Ooh ooh ooh yeah
well have you seen my dung lately?
Ooh ooh ooh yeah
Miss Jackson on line 2 for you, Hammy! She doesn’t sound happy.
I was just thinking that I hope she does not have a wardrobe malfunction during this rendition!
Al Sharpton is on line 3!
Astro has him tied up…
No, actually. He walked out in a tiff when he discovered his wasn’t a speaking role.
*Crickets*
Hmmm, looks like everyone is dung commenting for the day.
Or maybe we just didn’t want to break the even 100 comments. Oops.
Bacontini’s posts are being eated. Bacontini no longer liked by website. Poor Bacontini. 🙁
Poor Bacontini indeed. On the bright side, you’re being portrayed by the most interesting man in the world in the upcoming feature film, You Suck at Craigslist: The Motion Picture.
Bacontini’s post was flagged as spam. Bacontini’s post has been restored to its proper place.
its proper place = [Location ish?]
Did someone call?
Spam at your service!
Haha, I repossessed your can
I see Hammy won the epic battle for your identity.
Hah!
I saw it on Pawn Stars and bought it back for 30 OBO’s
*sniff sniff*
Smells fishy to me. I think you saw it on Prawn Stars instead.
Well…Spam has some big meat in his can.
Just remember, SPAM spelled backwards is MAPS.
Coincidence? I think not.
Like I haven’t heard that from a processed meat product before.
MAPS?
Mothers Against Porn Spam?
Nooooooooooo!!
*hides in can*
Everyone is watching their figure and switching to a lower calorie alternative!
We meet again Bacon Coke.
Bacontini should have killed you when he have chance. En garde! *Throws bacon fat*
*hands Bacontini a can of Pepsi ONE*
This stuff is to Diet Coke like holy water is to a vampire!
Dodges fat, out advertises Pepsi, drops mento in my can…
Take that TiniBacon!!
Uck. Pepsi.
I prefer Coca Cola*. But not the Bacon-flavored kind. Or diet.
And really, my sodas are Sprite, Sunkist, and Mug.
Bacontini will always have a special place in our hearts.
And our colons.
Our love handles, too.
*Yes, I know, as a North Carolinian, that’s sacrilege.
To me Pepsi and Coke taste like differently sugared versions of the exact same brew. And, as both taste nasty to me, I’ve never had to pick a favorite. It’s like asking if I prefer diarrhea with chunks or without (Sticking to the theme of the day).
I’m more into creame soda or root beer, with the occasional Cherry 7-up.
I don’t care for Pepsi either, I’m more of a Cheerwine or Dr. Pepper kind of girl.
I’m sure there’s a “Carolinians who dislike Pepsi” group on Facebook somewhere, they have groups for just about everything else.
I can’t stand Dr. Pepper. Tastes like someone randomly threw the contents of all the bottles in their medicine cabinet together.
That must be where the “Dr” part comes in.
My sister told me once that it was flavored with prune juice, but she might have been trying to get me back for blowing my nose on her socks.
I actually like Dr. Pepper hot in a coffee mug.
I think Dr. Pepper claims that it has like 43 different flavors in it… so prune could certainly be one of them.
[corey]But wouldn’t it be plum juice, since prunes are dried plums and you can’t really juice a dried fruit?[/corey]
Oh, you needed to so [corey] that sarajean.
Oh..much better! 🙂
I never really understood where prune juice comes from, I always assumed some kind of evil dark magic was used to extract juice from a prune.
Kind of like head shrinking? Evil prune head shrinking?
Ewwwww.
Fixed it!
EDIT – And I second the “Ewww.”
Clearly, it comes from elderly people who have stayed in the bath too long.
Double ew.
prune juice corey.
Only little old ladies that have been in the bathtub to long can make prune juice.
*picturing an old person being rolled into a bag with a string on it and repeatedly dunked into a prune vat*
“Hey Joe, is he done yet?”
LOL, Astro we think alike, scary
From Wikipedia – “The dried fruit (also referred to as a dried plum) is wrinkly in texture, and has chewy flesh. ”
That does kinda sound like old people.
Prune Juice = Soylent Juice?
I think you got that definition out of ZombiWiki.
Chewy flesh, so much better for the zomb…
[Dr Pepper corey] The HQ for DP is a mere 90 miles up the road in Waco, so DP facts are easy to come by.
There was some folklore out there by “the haters” that the 10, 2,&4 on the clock logo was when you ought take a DP to keep you regular (by way of the prune juice).
But, instead, DP used extracts from coca leaves, and imbibing DP at 1000, 1400, and 1600 was intended to “pep” a person up at those times.
In all fairness, the “pep” in pepsi comes from the same extract that the folks in Atlanta named their beverage for, too.
Our U just renegotiated the beverage contract, so, Coke is out and Pepsi is in (first such change in better than 30 years, too–much wailing and gnashing of teeth; will really be an issue at the first home game.)
Which is exactly the sort of thing that would not happen in Waco, they know precisely on which side of the matted grass the oleo is placed. If you do not like DP, your choice is RC or 7Up. But, they do have “regular” DO and “Dublin” which is still made with cane sugar, as the plant’s technology cannot be changed to HFCS.
[/corey] {brrrp}
I also prefer Coke to Pepsi, but generally drink ginger ale or sprite. Or Moxie.
Nice corey Cap’n, but Dr. Pepper does indeed have prune juice (or some highly concentrated, chemically enhanced variant there of) . I doubt there is enough to make one “regular.” I’m pretty sure almond bitters is another of the 23 “secret” ingredients. I’m sure at least 20 are artificial.
Perhaps you can clear up a somewhat topical question that I’ve had for a while. I was told that HEB’s fake Dr.P was once called Dr. Butts. Truth or rumor?
[corey] Umm, if there’s almond bitters in Dr. Pepper, then they’d need to list that…unless it’s artificial. Such an ingredient would kill me, and it must be common since I never have to scan the ingredients to find out if something has almonds in it (that being the only nut that is a problem). It’s always in the “warning: contains…” bit in bold at the bottom. That said, I’ve been on a Dr. Pepper kick lately, and it hasn’t killed me yet. [/corey]
**eyes Bridge* suspiciously.**
Are you sure it hasn’t killed you yet?
I mean really, when was the last time you checked?
*T and E eloped.
Probably artificial then, I’m going to guess that the product sold as Dr. Pepper today is made entirely of artificial ingredients, like just about every other soft drink. Truth be told, I don’t drink any carbonated beverages.
Oh, I checked myself for signs of life after the bar exam, I’m definitely still alive. But, as you seem worried… **checks again**
Yep, I’m not dead yet. I feel happy!
As for that T and E…they’d better hurry back. I hate that nickname. I’m not something to be laid across a river and walked over. You can call me B if you need a nickname. 😉
Also, anyone know how to reverse the effects of brainwashing? When I first read that the T and E eloped, I thought, “Trusts and Estates eloped?”
Well, I remember that prunes or some extract thereof was in the original recipe, but so was coca.
There’s also some seriously arcane rules on how large a percentage a thing has to be to be specifically listed as an ingredient. Below some percentage, they can be listed as either artificial or natural flavors.
It’s amazing how popular the fan base is for the Dublin-bottled DP (the one using only cane sugar). Demand is so high, they have re-opened the can line as well as the glass bottle line.
Now, that also could be to “compete” with the heche in Mexíco Coke that is getting sold (which also only uses cane sugar, not HFCS).
Hear the pair of metal bells-
Dung bells!
What a tale of weight they bear, what a heavy, poopy smell!
By the light of parlor lamp,
To each other they will clamp,
Stercoraceous to the sight,
Taste and feeling they will blight,
Full of stink,
In a price not so appealing, for a sawbuck and a fin,
Though it’s claimed their shape is good, can they really take you in?
Smelling higher, ever higher,
As the man seeks out a buyer,
And a resolute endeavor,
From our Sparky to be clever,
Though he can attain it never,
With those bells, bells, bells,
Oh, those bells, bells, bells,bells,
Bells, bells, bells-
Those cloacal-sending, yokel-vending bells!
Poo has tintinnabulation?
If it’s Edgar Allan Poo.
He’s the guy who wrote about the Telltale Fart isn’t he?
Now we know why the raven said what he did.
“Spray the Windex?”
I think those were nagpies.
Nagpies? That’s why they were so dee-licious!
I had mine with ice cream.
I was thinking tinnitus, but that works too :-p
Ahh, that’s what’s wrong with my day, it’s low-level tinnitus.
Which was not aided at all by the din at the Plasma center–just what the dead otic folicles needed, electronic beeping.
Oh well, may be an awful morning, depending on how sleep goes, if such comes to me.
Quasimodo: Is this the Court of Miracles?
Phoebus: Offhand, I’d say it’s the Court of Ankle-deep Sewage.
Quasimodo: The dungbells!!!
Ask not for whom the dungbell tolls. It tolls for thee!
Ummm, thanks…I guess.
My, we are a well-read bunch, aren’t we?
When it has to do with poo, we certain can rally.
Somehow the thought of a poo rally is not very…appetizing.
Oh? I suppose you’re more of a TeaBagger then Hammy?
EDIT: Astro, if you don’t know what that is, don’t Google it.
I think it’d be easier just to tell Astro not to Google anything he sees here. Ever.
Oh, come on (which fatfingered to “POh, comeone…” Should have left the first word, as it is theme-appropriate!), Astro is a teenage male… if even I know what teabagging is, I’m sure he does too! :-p
Mudsy: I should think I know what Hammy is!
I also know who the TeaBaggers are.
And why we call them that.
And what that means.
As EB said, last time I checked, I was a teenage male. **checks again.** Yep, still am.
Well, I am partial to Earl Grey (Hot!)
“Make it so”
Astro: I was making a tongue-in-cheek reference to Taco’s post from this morning. And it so happened that I was able to give Hammy the business as well. Talk about double entendre!
I fully promote Googling to everyone’s heart’s content.
*wink wink*
Wallllllllllllllyyyyy!!
Mudsy’s giving me the business!
Eddie Haskell gets no sympathy!
Mwuhahahahah
Google, Google give me your answers do.
I’m too lazy to learn anything new.
It might be teabag language,
I might look for some baggage.
But you’ll get a treat,
Upon the receipt,
Of the answers from Google.
HAM: Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?
Singing?
Lalalalalala
Would you like to play a nice game of chess? I’m good at chess.
I’m afraid I can’t let you do that,
DaveHam.Just open the pod bay doors, HAM.
Ummm, I’m a boy spacecraft…I have the missile not the pod bay.
HAM: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
DAVE: Alright, HAM. I’ll go in through the emergency airlock.
Just make sure you slip on your spacesuit first.
You…are…my Shining Star….
I do believe you have found the elusive “2001” Rule 34.
Good job!
That reminds me. I logged onto DeviantArt, and looked to see the newest uploaded art. I got to report something when Toy Story and I had a close encounter of the 34th kind.
Not only was it pron, but it wasn’t even flagged as mature content.
I’m actually kind of a pinkish color…
Oh, that says read…
Never mind then.
Poor, poor Sparky, foiled by another “silent” letter
and the intellectual capacity of a mayfly.
Mind you, “bar bell” reminds me of the one rung when some clod fails to tip the $2.13/hr barhelp (or, if across a pond, the one rung to close the bar).
Related tangental rant:
Why in the name of ‘All Holy Johns’ must the company I work for, buy cheap, tissue paper-thin, butt paper???
Do you know how long it takes to tear off enough small squares so that it doesn’t feel like you’re bare-handed? The time wasted in the restroom…
Well, now that I think about it… I am getting paid to do business.
And thankfully, they spring for decent hand-soap. Okay, that was a circle dump, but I feel better.
Do you work in Purchasing LL? If so, I suggest taking the matter in hand yourself.
I’ve already taken the matter in hand — (yuck)… and if I was able to… we would have heated, cushioned toilet seats, bidets, automatic sanitizers.. and thick, soft, 3-ply paper. And everyone would have their own monogrammed hand towels.
That may be why I’m not in the purchasing department.
I hear ya sista’…!
Oh, like those awesome rest stops? The ones with the auto- everything?
Astro: If you ever get the chance to drive through Maine, stop at the first rest stop on the northbound section of the Maine Turnpike. There is much automation (also picuters of moose. Oh, I should knit them some ponchos), but the true feature is the automatic hand dryers. If they were any stronger, or you were any weaker, you’d have no hands left. They are miraculous.
They have those dryers in the IKEA bathrooms in Charlotte, I nearly lost a ring the first time I used one.
LRC: Sounds like the Alamance County rest stop.
*Picturing Mr. Bean*
*googles Alamance County*
*gets distracted by video of the County Commissioners meetings*
*resists urge to send emails to The Commish*
*visits MapQuest*
*plots road trip*
*reviews bank balance*
*cancels road trip*
🙁
LRC, if that’s the first rest stop when you enter Maine then I have been there. My friends and I scared everyone because we were standing around outside gushing about the scenery and I was covered nose to neck in blood.
Explanation: I tend to get terrible nose bleeds and I had been driving and we had no tissues/napkins/dirty socks within arms reach. Also this was not the first time I scared the bejeebus out of rest stop patrons with my bloody visage. Once, near Baltimore, it was a bus full of old ladies, one actually screamed.
Next time you go on a trip, bring a Hockey mask. Don’t wear it, just carry it, and look suspicious. That’ll really freak out those old ladies off to the
knacker’sprune juice factory.Auto Wash
MultiPass
HufflePuff
Capn, are you classified as human?
Negative. I am a meat popsicle.
And I’m confused. Has Cap’n gotten an avian answering machine?
As long as WR will risk the points on her hack license and not mine, she is free to chime right in.
(Besides her cat may like Thai–window service or not–mine down not.)
Unless you’d really like for me to demonstrate my “negotiating” skills? I have a bad headache (if no cab, wrecked or otherwise).
It’s alright… everyone is Super Green here at YSaC.
My ad today is from an exterminator, telling me a cockroach can give me salmonella. Thanks, guys!
(In Soviet Russia, exterminator gives you to cockroach!)
I’ve got;
Kiva Microfinance
“Loans that change lives.”
Make a Difference and Lend Today!
I think Google Ads is trying to borrow money from me.
I’ve seen the roachanella ad, it gives me the ickies.
Mine is:
Help those most in
need.
Eradicate extreme poverty &
hunger Support Concern
Worldwide
I didn’t know I could eradicate extreme poverty & hunger support from the comfort of my own swivel chair! Now to make those children in Africa who wanted my vegetables when I was little PAY.
The Kiva one seems “stuck” for me, other than yesterday, when it was camping equipment.
Bugs me a bit, they could be doing something to alleviate poverty and hunger in east central Texas, too.
I just posted my amusement about that ad on Twitter!
Whoah, I am way too late to the party. I’ll just wait around here for tomorrow’s post….then I’ll be first!!!
The internet is killing my apostrophe recognition. For serious. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong at this moment….aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
(it’s tomorrow’s post…technically, it belongs to tomorrow, so it’s tomorrow’s, right? I can’t tell anymore) :::sobs quietly at death of brain cells:::
I think you’re right. Granted, I’m just a(bout to be) a High School Sophomore, so don’t take my word for it.
It’s = It is (or It has). But I’m a robot moose in a lousy poncho, so don’t take my word for it, either.
Look’s right to me.
So the last few days I’ve been perusing EtiquetteHell’s archives… Holy Matts! I’m so glad that YSaC has a wonderful, snarky group of commenters and not an entire civilization of takes-things-too-seriously Matts and Coreys! You guys keep me coming back for the smile 🙂
EttiquetteHell?
Might there be a link you could provide us with?
That would be http://www.etiquettehell.com/ :-p
I see.
Oh, wow.
The original posts are bad enough, but the commenters just get to me -_- And yet I keep going back for more… silly me.
Tinkerbell playing in the dirt.
How about a southern high-class lady of African descent?
They twang..
I was actually going for the fact that Bell and Belle are homophones.
:)… just giving you grief, Astro
In that case, the phone just rang. It’s for you. It may or may not be Al Sharpton.
You have reached the voicemail of LimeLolly. I cannot take your call at this time… please hang up.
Ohhh, too bad, it was Denzel Washington.
He might have had a message for you from Mr. Sharpton, though. After all, they probably know each other.
**phone rings.**
Hey look! It’s Al!
No homophones!
I think we should only allow heterophones, otherwise civilization as we make believe exists, will exist no more. And, god forbid, what if they should conjugate! Think about it! What would Pat Robertson do! Or the nut-case minister who says we can’t allow gays in the military because that is what made the Nazis so bad and evil – the troops were all “Homooooosexuals”, and therefore, had no inhibitions.
I’m going to the freezer for vodka – can I get anybody anything?
I could do with some more string cheese. Also, while you’re in the kitchenette, you might want to put the tub of brain bleach on to simmer for the night so it doesn’t take as much time to boil it tomorrow morning.
I could do with some more string cheese.
Astro – you trying to make a yo-yo with your dung-bell?
Uck, no! Don’t even joke about The Other
White MeatAmbrosia!Even if I just may have.
blockquote>What’s brown and sounds like A bel
Afri-Cain?
I know, Al Sharpton line 3
Grrrr, darn edit button still broken
(Yes, in my mind too)
You cannot get stronger lifting poo. Ask any mom who has changed 9,427 dirty diapers. It’s the kid-wrasslin’ during the change that makes you strong. Poop? NEVER!
I don’t know… the lungs get a workout when you’re trying to see how long you can hold your breath without passing out!
And don’t forget the speeddash from baby to trash to outside.
How do you get the babby to take the trash outside?
As if today’s post wasn’t crappy enough, my husband showed me this YouTube video.
Warning: Politically charged, misguided and crude.
I wonder if there’s any chance tomorrow that our post won’t have *&*%, @*#%, or *&&@$ in it. A wholesome, happy post. That would be nice.
Oh, wait. It’s gotta come from Craigslist. Never mind!
Mindfield, what a day for you not to show up! But you can’t hide from the Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Cleveland!
Here we see a dung beetle adjusting a 2 1/2 lb dungbell to feed its young. But you don’t have to provide for your family that way. With a Mutual of Beltsville Mild Kingdom life-insurance policy, you can….
Ding-Dung, the Wit is Dead!
Prob’ly should
Go back to bed.
Ding-Dung, my wicked Wit is Dead!
It’s a CRAP!
This three year old post is simply CRAPTACULAR !!!!!!!
(now, 14:59 to go)
Baldrick: What’s brown, and sounds like a bell?
All the wit and witticism about, in the back then, and we never brought up the dongle.
[IT corey] A dongle is a device which is said to be “hung” from a computer, as it is usually attached to a length of patch cable. The device is almost always a “key” to operate a specific (often ludicrously expensive) software. The key is a chip in PROM (Programable Read-Only Module) format. This chip really only functions are the authorization number for the software to read.
The way the software is set up, you can download/copy it to as many computers as you care to, but, only those with a dongle plugged will actually run the software.
Dongles are about the only reason modern computers still have serial ports on the back of them. Some dongles, just to be contrary are in parallel format, meaning you need an adapter to fit the serial port.
Which winds up being the Perdition of endless Nickle & Dime–the software often being many thousands of dollars per seat; and having spent the kilodollars, all you get is a bit of plastic and metal not quite as big as a deck of cards.
Losing one of these 1/4 pound treasures will cause a great deal of shouting, which will include several colorful expressions related to excrement.
[/core]
Dungle bells, dungle bells.
Dungle all the way
Oh what fun it is to lift
A five pounder today.
Beetle: “My work here is dung.”
I don’t know about the stoats you know, but the stoat I know doesn’t like to use paper, only coins. The stoat I know keeps his dough just outside the village. you follow the low stone wall until you get to a large tree where you’ll find a pile of rocks. In that pile of rocks there is a rock that has no earthly business being there. Under that rock there is a box. In the box you’ll find some coin and a map to the family jewels.(according to the map, the jewels are inside of Castle Roogna, so I’m not sure it’s accurate.)
TC! TC! You are the MASTER of BOX STUFF! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Dungeon Masters!