YSaC, Vol. 913: Polly want a Gingerbread?
Recently, drmk and I acquired smartphones. In general, we’re very happy with being able to do all those fun smartphony things you can do with a smartphone, but they’ve not been 100% reliable. And it’s not surprising… why make something durable when everyone replaces their phones every two years anyway?
And I mean everyone:
a pair of parakeets need a new phone
I have a pair on parakeets available for adoption . One male and one female they are currently laying eggs.
we can no longer keep them. there is a rehoming fee of $40.00 if your interest contact Ada
You’ll have to be careful which phone you get them. Touch screen phones can be a problem – their claws may scratch the surface. And voice recognition is a bad idea – the monthly bills from ordercrackersonline.com would just get completely out of hand.
Plus, I think a male parakeet that’s laying eggs coupled with access to the internet is an INSTANT rule 34 violation.
Thanks for the link, Sabra!
Looks like the roaming fees (yes, that’s how I read “rehoming”) are exorbitant!
I think I know too much on this subject matter to be at my snarky best. A few weak puns are all I can manage. I’m on my first cup of coffee, so things may improve. 8)
SamSung flight, can I haz my birds now?
Are they going to install Angry Birds on it? How about the app that lets a smartphone act as a baby monitor?
Finch: “…so then I says to her I says, ‘How can he deny being the father? The eggs were speckled!”
Robin: “Oh yes, that Jimmy always was such a slut, always carrying on with those doves like that.”
Finch: “It’s shameful!”
Robin: “Mmm-hmm.”
*tweet*tweet*tweet*tweet*tweet*
Robin: “What’s that noise?”
Finch: “Oh, it’s me new smartphone. I’m using it as a baby monitor. You don’t realize how noisy they are all the bleedin’ time until you can hear them while you’re away.”
Robin: “No kidding? You know I never wanted to get one of those things for exactly that reason.”
Finch: “Oh, I know what you mean, but Harold insisted. He’s such a hen, that one.”
Robin: “Guess you’d better get on, then.”
Finch: “Just hang on a minute.” *pulls out smartphone, speaks into it* “Pipe down, you lot, I’ll regurgitate something for you later!” *tweeting stops* *puts phone away* “There, now, where were we?”
(Apologies to Gary Larson.)
Naturally birds would want smartphones. Most dumbphones can’t access Twitter.
Ironically, the parakeets hate tweeting.
I hear they prefer Facebeak.
And nobody goes to MyNest any more.
I’d subscribe to their WingPress.
OT: My doors are coming and going, again, and I am not able to vote in the Giant Poll of Most Sucking. 🙁
I wonder if I can get a rehoming fee for my doors.
I can’t replicate the problem with either; I can vote in the Giant Poll of Most Sucking, and I have my doors. Clear cookies, etc.?
Nope. Now I can see the doors, but they tell me I have an invalid cookies when I try to click them.
I wish I had a cookied. Valid or otherwise. What is an invalid cookie, anyway. An Oreo with no filling? A chocolate chip cookie with only 2 chocolate chips (I hate that)?
And now my doors are gone, again.
Save me, drmk, you are my only hope! If I can’t have YSaC, I might actually have to do some work! *gasp*
Ah, now I see the problem. Your doors exist in an unstable wormhole that keeps fading in and out of this dimension, like these:
███████ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ░░░░░░░
█┌─┬─┐█ ▓┌─┬─┐▓ ▒┌─┬─┐▒ ░┌─┬─┐░
█├─┼─┤█ ▓├─┼─┤▓ ▒├─┼─┤▒ ░├─┼─┤░
█└─┴─┘█ ▓└─┴─┘▓ ▒└─┴─┘▒ ░└─┴─┘░
███████ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ░░░░░░░
█████░█ ▓▓▓▓▓░▓ ▒▒▒▒▒░▒ ░░░░░░░
███████ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ░░░░░░░
███████ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ░░░░░░░
███████ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ░░░░░░░
(artist’s conception)
You’ll just have to wait ’til they re-emerge in our dimension again. Hopefully with cookies.
Hrm. Which is worse: the adores problem, or the 502 gateway issue? Because I think we might have managed to fix that one.
I saw my doors again for a second, but they were gone before I could give any to anyone.
I think the gateway issue is probably worse. The doors are just annoying. And I’m sad to not be able to vote for my banana companion, but I could from home last night, so perhaps it is a work thing. If I only have the problem at work, I’m happy to blame work and be annoyed with them, rather than you (bees be upon you), Oh Great LlamaNun.
Mindfield: Should I call Mr. Scott or Mr. O’Brien for that?
LRC,
Dr Scott and “Ritz” O’Brien, for my money. Though I’d trade ’em both for Frank!
*does not get any of Moira’s references and feels silly*
:joins LRC in the puzzlement pavilion:
Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Dr Scott
Frank N Furter
Riff Raff was played by Richard O’Brien
Guess I played that one a little too close to the chest.
Do not tell me, SJ and LRC, that you are Virgins to Rocky Horror Pictiure Show!!!
Moira, I got the reference, being a Huge Fan (take that any way you choose) of Ritz O’Brien. I even have his autograph! 8)
Ah the good old days, back before YouTube we had to go to the theater to see awesomely bad movies. I’m feeling nostalgic now. If I get a free moment tonight I’d like to start a forum thread for favorite answer back lines from RHPS.
“Dammit Janet, you’re wet!” perhaps?
Don’t they have to turn off the phones during flight?
Twitter joke taken, roaming fees joke taken. Sigh, I guess I’ll just sit back and wait for Windrose to weigh in on the best plan for avian cellular usage.
Depends on the type of bird, probably. Starlings? They’d need to go with the MyFive…Thousand. Geese could stick with ordinary Friends and Flock. Gulls can get away with PAYG.
Budgies normally produce three to six eggs per clutch. They rarely hatch out all of those eggs, but even so, they can double and triple clutch in a season. For the sack of argument, let’s assume 15 chicks per year. They need cheep phones, ha ha, and a plan that lets them stay in touch even during beak, uh, I mean, peak hours. I think BMobile is their best option. Luckily, the chicks don’t stay with the parents very long. So they can hand those phones down to the next crop, until the plan expires.
I hope that has answered all your questions, christina?
BMobile is probably the best for most avian species, but I hear that roadrunners prefer Sprint.
I thought that said BM Mobile. *snicker*
I’m juvenile today….
How much does a sack of argument hold?
Depends on how well it’s made. A well constructed argument will probably hold upwards of… oh… water probably.
There have been days when I felt like I was a sack of arguments.
Better question: How much does a sack of arguments cost? I’d previously been going for either the 5 or 30 minute arguments, so I’d like to know if it’s more economical to buy in bulk.
A Sack of Argument?
Well Henry V was able to sack Harfleur with only about 900 troops. About 15% of those were Peers, and thus, paid their own way. The archers were probably the most expensive, not only were they paid a florin for the campaign, each, their arrows were paid for, too. And the beasts of burden to tote the arrows and supplies.
Sacking a Phone?
That probably depends on what sort of armor the sales person has (and whether they have enough D20S . . . )
:puts on +5 Armor of Annoyance:
Going to the AT&T store, be right back…
I read “rehoming” as “rehoning” at first. Now I’m as big a fan of sharpening your birds as the next guy, but $40 to sharpen a parakeet, talk about steep. You can buy a pretty decent electric sharpener for $80 and sharpen your dull birds as much as you want.
Maybe the lack of sharpening is why the birds are always angry.
All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…All seed and no sharpening makes Polly a dull bird…
*Sends a door by carrier pigeon*
Frankly, most of my birds are a bit too sharp. The African Grays have the biggest beak and the best wit. But even the little parrotlets have wicked bites. Parakeets, or Budgerigars in their native land, are known for biting hard for their comparatively small size, and they don’t let do quickly. If you study Australian wildlife, with all the poisonous snakes, spiders, and feral creatures trying to take a bird down, you’ll see why,
There are more things in Australia that can kill you than anywhere else in the world. Animals, vegetables, undertow, etc.
There are more things in Australia, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
That’s how Yorick died, after all. Attacked by a (now extinct) fanged wallaby.
*Ringidy ding ding dong, ring ring ring ring ding dong, ring ring-*
“Hello?”
“Tweet. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, twitter?”
“Why yes, my refrigerator is running, why?”
“Tweet, tweet tweet! Twitter tweet!” *Hangup*
“Damnit!”
[OT] Here’s a really great ringtone for their new phones…
Edit: Guess I should read all the way down before commenting…
Hm. This brings to light a very important question: Can birds butt-dial?
I dunno why it’s so important, but that would be my only stipulation about giving a bird a phone. I really don’t want to receive a random call from the birds only to discover it was unintentional, then accidentally over-hear something that wasn’t meant for my ears.
Well, first I suppose they’d call it cloaca dialing. Or maybe tail dialing if you didn’t want to get too explicit, but that’s kind of inaccurate. Or maybe I’m just way overthinking this. Either way you can probably deal with such racy accidental calls by hanging up the moment you hear Barry White playing in the background.
*attempts to repress a shudder. Fails.*
*looking for the “shudder button” on my phone—so I can re-press it*
Is that the same button we use if we want some quiet shirt time?
Since I’m a girl, I wouldn’t know about “quiet shirt time” buttons, silly rabbit.
However, I would think that a shirt without buttons would work much better.
Uhm, Mudsy, if you don’t know about the “t-shirt time” “button” then maybe you’re doing it wrong…
Giggity!
I thought that doing it right meant that I prefer not to leave my DNA on any quiet t-shirt time shirts I decide to sell on Craigslist. I’ll leave those extra bonus surprises to the boys….
😉
We brought this on ourselves when we gave the rooster the typewriter.
It’s the sequel to everyone’s favorite book, “If You Give A Rooster a Typewriter”… “If You Give A Parakeet an iPhone”!
Coming soon to a librarian’s nightmares near you.
If You Give a Parakeet an iPhone
by Astrognash
If you give a Parakeet an iPhone, then he’ll want to download Angry Birds.
If you let him download Angry Birds, then he’ll want to stay up all night playing it.
If he stays up all night playing it, he’ll be too tired to function properly.
If he is too tired to function properly, then he’ll drop his iPhone while in flight and break it.
If he breaks his iPhone, then he’ll want a new one.
If he wants a new one, you’ll want to teach him a lesson by not getting it.
If you don’t get him one, he’ll spend the day watching Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds to pass the time.
Run. Run now, ver-AAAAGGHHHH!!!
I’m just wondering what the ringtones are for them. A few ideas:
Flock of Seagulls
The Byrds
“Wind Beneath My Wings”
“Fly Like an Eagle”
Babby Got Beak.
I like big beaks and I cannot lie
You other birdies can’t deny
That when a chick walks in with an itty-bitty base
And a hook-bill in your face you get sprung!
Other avian favourites…
Winger
Chick Corea
Dixie Chicks
The Black Crowes
Paul McCartney & Wings
The Eagles
The Yardbirds
Hawkwind
Oh Yardbirds. Such terrible selection, such horrible prices. I’ll miss thee.
I think they’re Jimmy Buffet fans—so Margaritaville is their favorite ringtone.
The ultimate “Parrotheads”. 8)
(They use Blackbird by the Beatles when Al Sharpton calls)
Speaking of which…
“I Feel Like Chicken Tonight”
*carefully touches LimeLolly* Uh, a plucked chicken, maybe.
Bird in a Gilded Cage
Free Bird
Trouble in Parrot Eyes
Parrot Eyes By the Dashboard Light?
*groans while giving a door*
“Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)”
Are they Norwegian Blue, perhaps?
“He’s not dead, he’s textin’!”
“The Norwegian Blue prefers texting on its back.”
So how can you tell if it’s texting or sexting?
One of those uses two wings.
So Mrs. Budgie comes home and finds three extra eggs in the nest. She looks at Mr. B suspiciously. “Have you had other hens in my nest?”
“No, of course not! I would never break up our happy home!”
“Then how do you explain these extra eggs? Eh? Eh? I didn’t lay those!”
Mr. B thinks fast. As fast as a cock can think. “I laid them! Yes, those are my eggs. And I am sorry if I haven’t been sympathetic to you, darling, when you lay your eggs. Those things are a bitch to pass!”
Mrs. B isn’t buying it, but is distracted by the sudden sympathy from her mate and by the shiny toy hanging just outside the next box.
Alternate ending:
“No, I was just at the store and well, earlier I was watching a program about ham and cheese omelets and I thought I’d make us breakfast tomorrow.”
“You’re a sick bird, Herbert. Do you really expect me to have ham in my omelet? You know I eat Kosher!”
Alternate ending 2:
No, of course not! I just placed an add on Craig’s List and asked someone to bring them to us. Thank goodness they weren’t crazy, as it’s a real pain to use the taser. They said “regards”!
When I was a kid, our birds had to settle for landlines.
In my day birds had to use carrier pigeons.
In my day, carrier pigeons had to walk uphill both ways!
We couldn’t afford carrier pigeons. We had to use carrier mice, and they just weren’t reliable. The usually ate the messages.
You think that’s bad? In my day, we just whispered a message into our neighbour’s ear, who’d then whisper it into their neighbours, and so on until the message eventually got to its destination. Unfortunately, messages often got a little mixed up along the way, so we had to spend years figuring out a way to pre-mangle the message so that by the time it arrived, the proper un-mangled message was delivered.
In the mean time, we started a war with Bavaria when a message passed to the president that read “We would like to join you in your alliance” arrived reading “We would like to punch you in your underpants.”
Actually, that in itself wasn’t what started the war. It was when the present himself arrived willing to let us do it and we refused. He was quite put out that we made him travel all that way for nothing.
@ Windy: we had the same problem with our carrier-goats. The messages kept coming back all slimy-wet and mushy.
Pre-mangled messages must be the reason behind Steve Jobs’ Auto-Correct.
I thought that was an iPhone app you could download for $1.99.
Damn, I was hoping they were parrots. I’d use them to put 800# customer service reps on hold with the same crappy music they have for me….
The record holder bird with the best vocabulary and clarity of speech is a parakeet. 8)
Perhaps no bird is chattier than the budgie/parakeet. In fact, a budgie/parakeet, named Puck, has been listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the “The Most Talking Bird” with a vocabulary of over 1700 words!
http://www.birdchannel.com/bird-species/find-the-right-bird/best-talking-birds.aspx
Okay Windy…for some reason…today you’re sounding a lot like that crazy bird-fact lady at the Bodega Bay Cafe in Hitchcock’s The Birds.
“It’s the end of the world, I say!”
*sigh* I know. I am a crazy bird fact lady. However, I have never been to Bodega Bay, and I have never had my love birds start the Apocalypse. So it’s cool. I’m a go look for my snark.
Love birds—how silly! You would have thought the Apocalypse would have been started by Veloci-Raptures….
I didn’t say you were a crazy bird lady….just that you were sounding a little borderline today….. hehe…and your snark is just fine.
Definition:
1. Overcome by emotion at high speed
2. Extremely fast exodus of Christians into heaven.
#2
…. since it is associated with one of the signs of the beginning of the Apocalypse
…and yes,
very fast…..
like marsupials, Christopher Walken.
Brilliant idea, Tymme! And welcome.
I tried to post this yesterday, but even after it showed up, the link didn’t work… To be safe, I’m putting the link in my “website” thing. So, click on my name and prepare to be amused, courtesy of Astro’s 6DollarShirts link from yesterday :-p
I saw that link from yesterday, and bought my s-i-l a Beer Pong Champion for his b-day. I got me a not.a.lion shirt and one with the Mayan calendar on it that they incorrectly identified as an Aztec calendar. That was too funny not to buy….and I’m covered for 2012.
Damn it, I promised that I would never go to Mr. Winkey’s site. Now I’m looking at the Geek T-shirts thinking “Some of these are kinda neat.”
Thanks a bunch EB!
*Goes off to the corner to pout*
…for some quiet time…?
And a little extra bonus surprise.
I hope it’s pudding….
Well, it’s your terminology, so I guess it could be pudding.
Aaaaaaaand once again… There goes lunch…
*Tosses Jell-o pudding cup in the trash*
Thankfully, I ate my yogurt earlier rather than later.
:crosses yogurt off grocery list:
**winks at all parties appearing above**
**all the people too.**
You’re welcome. You may also, if you so desire, stroke my beard.
**Teehee**
WITH the fur, not against it!
girl crush, yay!
So I guess these birds have found the tailor that makes magic invisible pants for the Geico gecko. You know the pants that I’m talking about? The pants that we can’t see him wear but can apparently fit a cell phone and a wallet that are both bigger and heavier than he is. I want a pair of those pants. I could stuff my truck in there and not have to worry about finding a parking spot. Or when I shoot my elk in the woods I could just stuff it in my pants and walk comfortably back to my truck without having to butcher in the field and then drag it back to my swingset. Oh, the possibilities would be endless if I had a pair of pants like that. I’d pay the tailor extra to make the back pocket lined with steel bars and lockable. So when I see a picture of a tiger labeled as a lion, I could say “that’s not a lion. Then I could unlock my pocket and pull out a live lion and say “This is a lion.” Ah, to dream of that day…
I’m fairly sure that the Geico gecko has a Bag of Holding.
Heward’s Handy Haversack.
I just like saying it.
Is that a lion in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
You could do that with Bullwinkle’s tophat! I saw it!
errr????
🙂
What happens in the woods, stays in the woods.
Or stays in Yancy’s transdimensional pants, as the case may be.
Some days I wake up and think to myself, “There must be a bigger world out there somewhere.” It’s these days that it will now occur to me that I may actually be living in Yancy’s transdimentional pants and not even know it.
Hey, Yancy, is that a taco in your pocket, or…
Transdimensional Pants is the name of IF’s Men Without Hats all-transvestite tribute band.
That’s the list of wishes you came up with Yancy? Hehe…
One of my pockets would deinitely contain a Brink’s truck. The other pocket would hold the entire contents of the Louvre and the Guggenheim. And my hat would be the home of a Leprechaun and his pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow.
I tailored my list of wishes to concepts familiar to my audience. If I am to run amok with wishes, I’d keep in one pocket the energizer pad from the Enterprise so I could go anywhere at any time. I’d keep other pockets empty so I could bring home tokens to remember my trip. Nothing big. Just the grizzly I shot in Alaska, a couple hundred pounds of king salmon, a roller coaster from Six Flags in LA, the chandelier from the London stage of the Phantom of the Opera, maybe a couple other souvenirs.
That’s a much better list!!
I am pretty sure you couldn’t carry the battery for the transporter pad.
Thankfully, Windy was kind enough to point out the implausible in this discussion of these transdimensional invisible fancy pants.
It’s a good thing too! I was already googling for sales!
Thank Jeebus she threw that out there when she did, otherwise I’d’a put out a bunch of money for the pants and the transporter, just to find out I couldn’t carry the damn battery after Fed-Ups dropped it off….
Yeah, I was getting worried about a possible “Taco in Pantsville” situation. Windy has saved us all by pointing out the hole in the entire theory!
Yancy, your plausability is dwinding, so watch yourself!
I think I need more coffee. *Wanders off*
The battery can go in the optional interdimensional coin purse.
I have to admit, I was reading the last posts first in this thread, and when I realized my error, I was too far gone to correct it. 8/ Thank you all for your snark that saved my Corey Attack.
We love you, Windy-mom!!!
We totally need to add Windy-Mom to the group prayer!
What do you mean my pants are invisible?? !!!
Somebody get my agent on the line… RIGHT NOW!!
Well, you look naked in your commercials. But apparently somehow you manage to carry a wallet and cell phone, both of which are larger and heavier than you. So I thought it must be a pair of magic, invisible pants. Where’d you get ’em?
Error: Snark not found. Abort, Retry, Linky?
*presses Linky*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqwC41RDPyg&feature=player_embedded
Elebenty Brazillion doors!!! *sent via Carrier Pigeon Pomeranian*
8) I knew you would like it, being all good with numbers and mathy things.
Totally not “A Bug’s Life” slash fic.
You’re right, it’s totally not.
But now I’m thinking about it anyway.
My work here is done.
Just don’t think about using the object in that link as a prop in said fic. It gets squidgy really quick if you do.
I found that particular item disturbing before you put that image in my head…
I actually kinda like the idea of being able to cook up a full Egg and Sausage muffin sandwich while I get dressed for work.
It would certainly help maintain a certain roundness of shape I enjoy.
You’ve heard of Billy Blank’s workout, right?
I do Jimmy Dean’s.
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I’m on the cheese doodle diet.
Except covered in this awesome spice. I can’t remember the name ever since I had that Draino*-infused bacontini, but I think it started with “M”. Yes, definitely “M”.
**winks at Taco and Bombdude**
**Teehee.**
*Draino is cheap generic Drano.
The idea of having an appliance that did nothing but make toast and eggs just seems …unnecessary. I have a toaster oven, I have a stove; I see no need to combine these two items into something that would just be eating up counter space.
It also looks like an alien should be incubating inside it.
If it made biscuits and gravy at the same time, I might be tempted to buy one.
I have a toaster that’s on it’s last legs and no toaster oven. To me this seems like adding an upgrade to an appliance I already intended on buying. Like getting one of those add-ons for my kitchenaid mixer.
But yes, had I a toaster oven this would be surplufluous as you could easily slip all the necesary ingredients into said device and cook them up just fine together…
Maybe I need to consider just getting the freaking toaster oven. ‘Course I don’t have room for one, but that’s what I said about the mixer… which I still don’t have room for.
how do you violate rule 34 ???
Anally, I think.
And there goes the line.
Found “this” in a separate location (where it was found humorous).
Wonder if they’d trade for tropical bird telecommunicator?
Bedazzled tires anyone?
Well, poopy!
Dude was parting out an estate per the ad, and was selling all the parts to apply snow-studs to tires. And several boxes of the studs. All for a whopping $30.
Not sure what the rules are for driving on studded tires are in Ft Collins, CO–that may have caused the ad to get yanked.
I blame the penguin on the television.
Gack. I’m late. Hope Dave and the Ferret are still up, and Mindfield. Good thing I can alter time and their Punchity Punch Punches will arrive just in time.
G’Night, Van Dieman’s Land!
Pshaw, don’t they realize that if they have a male parakeet who is laying eggs they can make good money off of him? I’m thinking “Russian circus” or perhaps “reality TV show with an even uglier, less pregnant, Kardashian sister.” (Surely there are some of those around.)