YSaC, Vol. 938: Don’t look now, but I think we’ve been spotted.
2011 March 7
Uh-oh! The Grammar Nazi is at it again! – m4w
Beter watch yo P’s and Q’s. Make shure all yo T’s are crosed and I’s are doted .Poor yo, ya spend soooooo much time looking fo erors, ya miss da mesage! Step away fro yo cumputor an getz yoself a lif! SpelCheck That,YO MOREON.
Sorry. We’ll just shut down the site and go home now then, shall we? After all, I sure would like to get myself a lif.
I just need a little more advice, here. Which “lif” do I want?
The figure from Norse mythology? (Lif is the one on the left)
Or the rapper?
Anyway, I’ll be sure to get one soon.
Thanks for the comeuppance, wirehead!
lif = lowbrow, illiterate friend. IOW – sumone hoo ken translat Sparky’s mesages fo yo lame azz.
Well, if my burro or donkey goes lame, I usually send for the ferrier and vet . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zekiZYSVdeQ
A little instructional video. Enjoy!
I’ve been instructumagated!
Python – still funny after all these years! x
You know, I’ve heard some lousy pick-up lines in my life but this one…well, this one really takes the cake.
Lemme see…do I want to be the “w” in this “m4w” equation?
Wow, Sparky, I can think of nothing I’d love more than to hang out with an illiterate “moreon” with delusions of adequacy.
Next!
I peon your lif.
Just point that in another direction, please. My lif if watered down enough.
Urin luck, I don’t peon my friends.
Pecil!
I don’t dote on my Is, I dote on my ellipses.
I dote on the semicolon;
“Ah just dotes on that critters doins!”
Huh… and here I thought mares eat dotes and does eat dotes but little lambz eat ibey.
All preceding a trans-lunar bovine translation, no doubt (NASAtv seems to be “rubbing off” <sigh>)
And a spork eloped with the imported china?
Was it the grave bowel?
But if your Is don’t feel loved, they might just leave.
Then my sentence would read:
But f your s don’t feel loved, they mght just leave.
And that’s just nonsense.*
*standard Sparkese
How in the land of crap did this Sparky manage to spell “Grammar” correctly?
Well, you know we cannot speak ill of peoples’ “momma.” Perhaps this has created a cultural outlet where we are allowed to “dis” peoples’ “grammar” instead?
As requested by Sparky, I ran the ad through a spellchecker and replaced the misspelled words with the first suggestion that popped up.
Yep, that makes so much more sense. Thanks for the suggestion, Sparky!
Get outta my brain!
:sniff-sniff:
It smells like espresso and curry in here.
Oooh, a bit of instant espresso powder in a red or golden curry might be spiffy . . .
It’d be both peppery and peppy.
I feel bad for the poor yak, Solomon, who missed his ad massage.
I did feel bad for him for a bit, but then I got all distracted and chuffed ‘cos Sparky thinks I’m a model!! Then I ran through all the other things Sparky thinks* and I didn’t feel so good anymore.
*i.e. that requiring a comprehensible response to an internet dating ad is akin to the slaughter of millions of innocents, that people trolling Craigslist will be converted by his message, that the gnomes in his garden are workin’ fo’ the FEDS yo’ and more, too many to list.
Yakkity yak, don’t talk back
(And put a lid on your yodel).
Since he asked so kindly at the end of his rant for correction, I decided to grant it. I give you the corrected version:
You’re welcome, though I’m not Yosef.
And, I’m not Lisa
And stop calling me Shirley…
Okay, I noted all the dropped letters and came up with “turur sturrs murdur elu” – I have no idea what that means, but apparently it’s going to get Sparky laid. And I’m trying hard not to think what a “cumputor” might be…
“Get a Brain, Morans!”
ANAGRAM FUN!
turur sturrs murdur elu
Turd Usurer Slur Rum Rut (That’s apparently the only one, seriously)
I know people named Moran who might rightly be insulted by that comment.
There’s an entire company of tug and tow boat operators there in the Five Burroughs who take that sort of thing pretty seriously.
Five? What other members of the family besides William S. are there?
I knew one “Moran” whom I’d be happy to insult with that comment…
Another desperate cry for help! Sparky is talking to himself, not us! He’s looking for that special woman who can dot his Ts and cross his eyes. Or something.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to order new camouflage curtains for the Snark Lounge.
The advertisements are being posted from inside the house!
Mumble mumble should have left him in the box mumble mumble
Forget getting a Lif, I’m more interested in Mrs. Lif.
Hubba, hubba.
[corey] According to wacky cousin Wiki, that lovely lady is Lífþrasir, one of the “two humans who are foretold to survive the events of Ragnarök by hiding in Hoddmímis holt, and after the flames have sated, to repopulate the newly risen and fertile world.” [/corey]
She’s gonna
getbe BUSY!When Stan Getz and Yusuf Islam gave me a lift, I showed them that post. They agreed that if Sparky took the time to post that, then it’s Sparky who needs to get a life.
There’s an interesting musical combo. Jazz rock fusion!
As long as it’s not Bernie Goetz, you’ll be OK.
I prefer to be known as the Spelling Police rather than a Grammar Nazi, especially when it suits the case.
But then I also find it unsavory and offensive when people drop such a horrid word around lightly without a thought as to its history.
I was thinking the Nazi reference might be a fetish issue, given that it is M4W. :/
I’d like to share the following joke. If you know languages, you may get it. If not, sucks for you.
True story, btw.
One time, at band camp*, we all needed to be herded into an area. So, Momma Low Brass tells us all to “conjugate** in here”. I responded, “I’m afraid I have to decline.”
*Not really. Actually last week, at 8th Grader Night.
**As opposed to “congregate”.
Well, I’m not prone to argue, but that’s a pretty good rejoinder. 8)
[OT]
So I mentioned yesterday I was working on something that I’d reveal today. Well, the thing is right there, hiding underneath my name. That little linky there. Staying in sick gave me some time to work on it, and I finally did it. I’ve seeded it with 10 stories to start off (2 of which are brand new) and will continue posting new stuff and/or more from the archives as I go on a whenever-the-heck basis. Still a few rough edges but I’ll work through them, and of course any suggestions/fixes/whatever are always welcome. 🙂
Spellcheck that, yo.
Wait, what do you mean “spellcheck” is spelled wrong?
[/OT]
Very nice, creepy puppy.
Very good, freaky-puppy…
Thankee. 🙂 Comments for guests are auto-moderated, but only the first time you post, so once I approve you, you won’t get sent to queue purgatory unless’n you trip the spam or verboten-word filter. (sarahean80 somehow tripped the “this is absolutely definitely very probably spam” filter when she quoted the name of the woman in The Warwick-Cranston Line; apparently the filter didn’t like that name one bit. I had to dig her out of the spam box.) I think that’s the same with here, and I did try to make interaction as simple as it is here. I don’t know if I got the Facebook thingie correct (I’m not all that familiar with that there faceplacebookin’ thingamawhatzits, and I can’t figure out how to get Facebook Mobile to let me update statuses and stuff on my page instead of my personal account) but it seems to be okay I think. I’ll get ‘er all worked out. Maybe an FB vet can give me some pointers.
Cool, I don’t think I’ve ever been spam before.
Sometimes those filters can be a little … overzealous. But better that I suppose than spam getting through. I just have to keep an eye on the bit bucket.
Yes, you have.
Neato!
Don’t think you’ve ever been a Sarahean before either, have you?
Shhh, it’s her Spanish alter-ego.
And what’s your Spanish alter-ego, hm, Jen?
Or would you prefer to be called CARLOS SAN HUEVO!?
I know nothing! I’m from Barcelona!
*Gasp*!!!!!
You slander my name and the good name of my family!! The family…. dos Cervesa*!!!
*por favor.
Her name is Jenigo Montoya, you killed her six pack, prepare to die!
Oustanding! It’s now time to grab a cup of coffee and read them all!
Excellent!
Well, crap. It doesn’t seem like IntenseDebate will auto-approve guest posts even after I’ve approved them. I think. (I had to approve sarajean80 twice) I’ll have to see as more comments come in, but it may require some official signup with OpenID or IntenseDebate. (Although going with OpenID isn’t a bad ideas as it’s used on a lot of blogs anyway.) Still kind of frustrating though. I didn’t want to have to focus on a lot of moderating.
My bad girl reputation has proceeded me yet again.
It’s the eye.
Okay, I signed in to OpenID with my WordPress account and it still gave me the “awaiting moderation” thingy.
EDIT:
@ AR – ♥
Yeah, I have to approve OpenID or WordPress account posts once before it’ll auto-approve them from that point on.
Your name is Eric?
Interesting. That’s one of those names I hear all the time in movies or TV, but I’ve only ever encountered once in real life.
Really? Must be a generational thing, or possibly regional. I work with a whole bunch of Erics.
It may be regional … I grew up in the northwest virtually* surrounded by Eric/ks.
*but not actually, even though it sometimes felt so
Yeah, it’s one of those less common names. I’ve only ever met one or two myself, and am aware of a few famous ones (Idle, Roberts, Clapton). My dad picked it from a baby naming book because it supposedly meant “strong leader” or somesuch nonsense.
My law firm has seven Erics, two additional Erics who’ve left the firm in the last year, one Erich, and one Erik. I do not understand this Eric shortage of which you speak. Maybe we’ve just cornered the market.
Irresistable:
Praline: A license for my pet fish, Eric.
Clerk: How did you know my name was Eric?
Praline: No, no, no! My fish’s name is Eric. Eric fish. He’s an halibut.
And no I’m not implying that you’re an (sic) halibut. Just adding another famous one – well at least to me he is.
Glad you got the blog going!
Well, it would be the first time I’ve been called a(n) halibut, anyway. The Red? Sure. The Viking? Yep. The ‘Alf Bee? Absolutely. Now I can add “fish.”
Go, fish!!
This iz yur lif.
This is your life on brains.
This is your life on Liff.
Lif, laf, luf for 2morow is anofer day.
Damnit Mindfield, you’ve stolen the thunder of the joke I’ve been preparing to make about that book.
Beter watch yoself
Mah P’s and Q’s be doted
Da mesage is missed
Hm… not very profound. Let’s try this one:
I dote on his I’s
Yosef, where are you tonight?
John Stewart is on.
Solomon the yak
He has exceptional taste
And can yodel well.
… I’ll be in the corner.
Well, obviously there a grammar Nazi in Lincoln Park, so y’all better hide yo kids, hide yo wife, an hide yo husbeens, cause they are doting erry p’s an q’s out here.
Someone needs to auto-tune that with a remixed video.
So cum on spickitty-speelchek yo’self befo’ ya reck yo’self
Spickitty-speelchek yo’self befo’ ya reck yo’self
Yeah, cum on an’ speelchek yo’self befo’ ya reck yo’self
‘Cuz squiggly undalines are bad fo’ yo’ health
Mic-Mic-Microsoft Word (One, Two! Spellcheck it!)
*crosses arms, grabbing shoulders; leans to one side*
Payce!
Thank you for answering the question, “What does rap sound like in Canadorama?”
Maybe it’s my Canadian accent, eh? Ice Cube does it better.
Now I want cookies and milk!
Grammar got you down? -M4W
Afore you posticate yur ad let me regrammaficate it fo yo
I will fixify yur lame azz ad and give a SPEELCHECK SMASH on yo stupidated sef
Jus cause yo aint sophistical don meen yo ad hav a be
I so gud at all kinda translationizin
No mor havin the laffs at yo unproper postins
All this I does for the lowlow price of 20 firm OBOs
Holy Lifbrasir, Batman! I’m in the box again! Come on, level with me. I’m dying, aren’t I?
You might feel like it after Windy gets ahold of you.
Tell me about it. I’ve had to have my shoulder replaced with a robotic one. Now whenever I do the shoulder shrugs in the Thriller dance I knock myself out.
:points:
This eye? Glass. It’s actually the third one I’ve had, the first two got sucked into my skull during hiccupping fits. Now I constantly feel like someone’s watching me.
Turn your head and cough!
Now I’m scared to hiccup.
You should see what happens when I sneeze.
That’s the third case of keratohiccuphobia I’ve seen this week…
Smedley, I just saw the movie Moon last night, so probably you are the fourth or so Smedley on the station. 8) I would tell you more, but it would give the plot away.
I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. At all.
If cluelessness were people, I’d be China.
Moon was such a good, yet freaky movie. A bit sad too. But good.
Moreon: The Pokemon you get when you use the Stupid Stone on your Eevee.
There’s an old joke about a traveller and a farmer’s daughter in there somewhere.
“The internet is for porn…”
And the cumputor is what one uses to access it.
1. I always the “cumputor” is the thing in your brain that deems something fapworthy.
2. Avenue Q FTW!
“What can I do with a B.A. in English….”
I saw “Avenue Q” with a friend who had recently finished just that. I sat there and poked her and laughed through the whole song. 2 Master’s degrees later, she is happily teaching English at a private school, but not so happily holding down 2 part-time jobs as well to make ends meet.
Meanwhile, I got a B.S. in biology, and I’m still working on my first graduate degree, and getting paid a little bit more than a pittance to do so.
So which of us do you think made the better choice?
Your career could at least pay bigger bucks in the long run once you’ve got your degree. Teaching only goes so far unless you can score tenure at a prestigious university or something. I wish I’d studied something other than CompSci; the IT market in Canada stinks.
At least she’s using her degree? Of all my friends, I’m the closest to actually using mine in that I work in a veterinary clinic and have a B.S. in Zoology. I am, however, waiting to hear back from a microbiology position I applied for. I’m hoping to break into the laboratory profession and use my degree and my white lab coat. Evil scientific overlords have to start somewhere.
Well, I spent three decades working in my field, only to have the Great Recession up and take that field away.
Along with a whole bunch of other people’s fields, too.
There may be a glimmer of light at the correct end of the tunnel–only question being, I know the light at the other end is a train, and it’s gaining on me.
Do you need a henchwench, SisterT? I have my own goggles.
THIS. Adore.
I have a B.S. in B.S.
Are the girls who do their own auto work wrench wenches?
I got two master’s degrees, one in English and one in another field … in which I am now and have been employed since 1998. Still not sorry about both English degrees, however.
Yes. And the ones who help out with weights at the gym are bench wenches.
Good Jewish girls are mensch wenches.
Lasses who helped on the front lines of WWI were known as ‘trench wenches’.
Get all of them together and they’re intense wenches.
Very well done, Miss Jen.
Then what do you call drag queens?
No, wait, don’t answer, let me guess.
Hm.
My final answer is “Bobette, mostly.”
I have a Ph.D in horribleness.
It’s easy to see that he’s the upper management of the local whorehouse. He counts those P’s and Q’s and his message is get out there and earn more T’s and I’s.
Illiterate pride, yo!
My own attempt at spell-checking it.
Firefox, you have failed me in your ability to correctly decode it.
Let’s see what I get when I turn the Latin spellchecker on.
I particularly like “Spectaculum Thais, O Morone!”
“Poro o, a spene soooooo” reads like a transcription of an opera.
Also, I love that the Latin transmogrificator didn’t even want to touch the lexical abominations that are ‘yo’ and the related ‘yoself’.
And “Spectaculum Thais, O Morone!” is my new go-to invective for boys who have no concept of the difference between ‘your property’ and ‘my arse’. Should confuse them nicely while I line up the trademark kick-inna-shins.
You could alternately shout, “Abite, moleste! Quid facis?”
“Tangere nates, ego cruris pulto ergo” exploratum habeo?
an invicem,
Attrecto nates, Tibia oblido!
Smedley, I hope you helped yourself to the left-over fried gator. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Midgard!
I believe I’ve seen this ad before…Doesn’t make it any less funny or stupid, though.