YSaC, Vol. 960: PIIIGGSTTIIICCKK!!
2011 April 6
So, a while back the Llamanun and I were playing Scrabbletm, and as we are wont to do, we got distracted poking through the dictionary. We discovered, to our delight, that “pigstick” is a real word.
We decided that “pigstick” is an awesome word. It is especially awesome if you say it at THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! PIGSTIIIICK!
Isn’t that fun?
husquvarna chin saw
23 in bar nerky eny hours model 345 cal dan ### ####
NERKY! NERKY NERKY NERKY! NERRRRRKKKKKYYYY!!!! YAY!!!!!
That’s my new favorite word. Incidentally, I am NOT the Dan selling the chin saw, so darnit Bruce Cambell, stop calling me!
NERKY!
Thanks for the nerky, Thomas!
My chin is getting rather nerky. Is it time to use the chin saw on it?
So, Dave, you and the ferret have a good time in the box. 8) I read some of your blog, and I like it! I will have to drop in more often.
I’ve been a fan. Mostly because some of his posts reach almost Capn’esque wordsmithery. I enjoy reading pretty prose that I don’t have the capacity to understand.
Posed thus the conundrum of whether you are esurient for continued erudition, or if you’ve just gone peckish for some Venezuelan Beaver Cheese.
I like it when Capn talks all purdy like that. Now to grab my dictionotomy and translate!
You can put me down as a fan also.
I spent about an hour this morning at work reading Dave and the ferret’s blog and I am now a fan, as well.
Thought provoking and humorous.
Put me down as a fan as well. Who actually does the writing? Dave? Ferret? Both?
Thanks, y’all. 🙂
23 chainsaws in a bar? Who runs the bar, Leatherface?!?
*Bruce Campbell reference = makes my morning*
Klaatu, Barada, Nick, uh, er,Nicro,Nickl-a-rama-lama-ding-dong!
Oh.My.Gosh.
Capn said something I understood!!
:faints:
Someone get the smelling salts or the Venezuelan Beaver Cheese!
*passes you a ding dong*
That’s what he said.
I think the Smithsonian might be interested in this piece. After all, the husquvarna 23 chin saw is one of the first instruments used to perform complicated and delicate facelift surgeries.
In fact, Jocelyn Wildenstein is an example of the fine artwork this machine is capable of performing.
Well shoot, once again, I bought the wrong tool for the job… I bought one and have been shaving with it… The nicks I get when I’m not careful!! OY!!
I’m not so sure I’d hold Jocelyn up as a fine example of anything that wasn’t prefixed with “anti”.
Aside from “Bride of Wildenstein”, you mean? (Not my phrase, one I’ve seen on teh interwebz.)
Hey, is it her fault that her surgeon was unfamiliar with the husquvarna 23?
That’s no excuse. The Husqvarna 23 has been around for years and is practically de rigueur in the cosmetic surgery biz when it comes to chin modifications. I mean, jeez, one surgeon went through three of the things carving Michael Jackson’s*.
* Too soon?
Never too soon for us, freaky puppy.
Nihil sacrum.
[Matt]What’s the matter with you people, the Swedish chef has things to sell too![/Matt]
Shouldn’t that be a [matte]?
Also, his ad is even better when run through the Swedish Chef Dialectizer:
Hoosger Pigerschtick!?
Bork Bork Bork!
I want to see the swedish chef say that while tossing chin saws around.
:pictures Llamanun and Ostrimu playing Scrabble with bees:
:giggles:
The hard part is getting them to stay on the triple word score spaces.
Duct tape.
Use a metal gameboard and feed the bees magnetic honey.
Then they would all stick to the fridge.
They’d also stick to the truck better. It’s a “bonus feature”.
If they stuck to the truck they wouldn’t be able to get any nectar to make any honey which I thought was the bonus. Maybe the bonus is just getting stung.
I like my scrabble like I like my women.
Cold, blocky, and capable of making ice?
Sprawling, erudite, yet largely incapable of forming a coherent sentence?
Made of paperboard and tiny bits of polished wood?
Rigid, square, with a vocabulary full of rarely spoken words?
Covered in bees?
Enjoyed frequently by entire families?
Wooden with too many Qs?
Brazilian doors for that last one SJ
Getting a triple score?
That’s how I like my coffee!
Made by Hasbro and stuck in the back of the guest room closet for months on end?
Covered in bees.
Overly verbose and covered in Latin?
**looks at what he has written**
Oh, wait, that’s how I like my women.
Tattoo artists must be much more scholarly than when I was in high school, back then it was butterfly tramp stamps instead of Latin.
But it’s totally worth it, because they’re worth three points each.
“Okay, look, now I know you’re cheating. You can’t spell ‘buzz’ in Scrabble, there’s only one Z in the bag! You’ve spelled it six times!”
Funny, I often get distracted while playing Go Fish® and, as I am wont to do, I always get distracted while poking through my paint swatch collection.
I get distracted … :wanders off to stare at something shiny:
I get distracted when I…SQUIRREL!!!
I ge…
**stares off into the distance**
<blockqu
Meh.
23 walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here!” 23 says, “But it’s prime time!”
awful yet wonderful
The truly awful thing is that it took me all of 30 seconds to think it up starting with the “23 in bar” premise.
I’m in danger of becoming a geek, I think.
groan
A C, a G, and an E-Flat walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Sorry, I don’t serve minors.”
Herky-nerky Husqvarna
23-skiddoo an inchy barra
Danny boy sawing a chinny-chin-chin
With eny a 345 model shin
/Kazoo solo.
You’ll have to come over for game night and play The Dictionary Game. It has another name but I can’t think of it. You need a dictionary for each player, a huge stack of 3×5 cards, and pecils. The players scan the dictionaries until they find a word they think no one has heard of. The player says the word, and if no one knows the definition, everyone writes it down on their cards. The one who found the word then writes down the real definition, and everyone else makes up a definition. Then the cards are passed to the one who found the word, and all the definitions are read out loud. During the second reading, the rest of the players raise their hands when they hear what they think is the correct definition. The point system is important. You get a point if someone votes for your fake definition. The reader gets a point if no one votes for the real definition.
I frequently win this game but it’s tough to find a word that Chthulhu doesn’t know. 8)
Okay, back to nerky snarking!
We play this at gatherings of a certain branch of the family. It is frequently a source of much hilarity. I’d love to have a YSAC game!
We’d re-write the Funk & Wagnalls…that’s for sure.
*makes note for YSaC convention*
Sounds a bit like The Liar’s Club, a 70s (and reborn in the 80s) game show where some object or contraption, usually old and whose purpose is far from obvious, is brought out. The panelists, who all know what it really is, will each make up their own explanation for it, but only one will be the real explanation, and the contestants each try and guess which one it is.
Sounds like fun. 🙂
Mindee, I loved that show! Never missed a chance to see it.
I didn’t get to see it very often because I was usually in school when it was on. But when I was home, either sick or on holidays or whatnot I’d always try and catch it; it was one of the few truly funny game shows on the air (though by the time I was watching it in the early 80s, it was in reruns and the new one hadn’t been made yet.)
Sounds like many of the ads that show up here could be on that show.
That is actually a board game called “Balderdash.” But I like your way better.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balderdash
Is “nerky” in the dictionary?
It SHOULD be.
Somebody call Rich Hall!
Sniglets!
Balderdash! Yes, that’s the name of the game. Thank you, Your Highness!
Mattel markets this game as Balderdash. (We call it Logolept’s Delight.)
My friends refuse to play it with me anymore. Both because I apparently know a lot of obscure words, and because I can write a fairly convincing sounding word definition.
My family says I’m not allowed to play ANY trivia or word-based games anymore.
Oh sure, the ONLY information I retain consists of useless trivia and obscure words.
Yeah, that’ll take me far.
Next time you’re in town, Taco (cough August Habenero Pizza challenge? cough) I’ll play balderdash with you 😀
That is awesome!! Thanks for the idea for an actually fun game to whip out during this weekend’s family visit (no bees be upon us during this time).
You may not want to whip your game out like that in mixed company…
*cough* Don’t judge other people’s families. *cough* 8)
It’s called “Balderdash”
Edit: Darn work… getting in the way of timely responses… I really need to remember to refresh before responding to anything
Thanks, Bombdude! I couldn’t think of it! 8)
I’ve played this game. It was called ‘Bumfuzzle’ by the group I played it with. But I don’t know if that was just a name they made up or not. 🙂
That name sounds like it was recycled from another, entirely different kind of game altogether.
/It’s an entirely different kind of game. Altogether.
:chorus replies:
“It’s an entirely different kind of game.”
You just lost the game.
Meme Alert! Everyone get to your stations! This is not a drill!
AWOOOGA AWOOGA!*
*Can we please buy an actual alarm, I’m tired of screaming that every time we have a meme incursion.
Agh! Curse you and your Astro-nomical losing! But at least that means you’re not Charlie Sheen, so that’s something.
There’s a show on NPR called Says You! where a couple of the rounds operate on the same premise. They call it a take-off of “fictionary” but whatever it’s called, it’s a fun game to play!
There’s a segment on Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me that does this, too.
I think we have a new thing to do on band trips when on the buses.
Balderdash can be played with a single dictionary that gets passed around in turn.
The premise of a British tv show called Call My Bluff – two teams of 3, each team takes it in turn to give 3 definitions for a word and the opposing team has to guess the correct one. Used to love it – but sadly I think it got cancelled years ago.
All right, you primitive Craigslisters, listen up. You see this? This… is my PIGSTICK. The 23 in bar double-snouted Nerky. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Husquvarna chin saw – the favorite tool of Swedish plastic surgeons. Made in St. Olaf (wife and I have been watching lots of Golden Girls) and approved by the Swedish surgeon general, who also doubles as their star chef.
Been reading too much ‘econ’ stuff, saw “PIIGS” then stick, and wondered what new EU issue had cropped up.
The acronym “PIIGS” refers to the economic troubles of Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece and Spain.
Off to paint, y’all discourse among yourselves in jocular fraternity.
I’m a girl. Is it ok if I discourse in jocular sorority?
I’m a moose. Is it ok if I discourse in jocular Alcesity?
The lice would like to discourse in jocular Phthiraptera.
The poncho needs some quite alone time right now.
The nerky thing to me is that he actually ADDED a letter to Husqvarna, while leaving so many out of the rest of the post.
Maybe he had a leftover U. You know how hard those things are to get rid of in Scrabble sometimes.
The Chainsaw by katherine shaw
He pulled the cord, to the large, electrical knife.
He was going, to take this poor souls life.
The saw hummed, buzzed and then it gurred,
The poor victim, could not say a word.
For his mouth was gagged, his tongue cut off,
All he could manage, was a incoherent cough.
The victim closed his eyes so tight,
He knew he was going to die that night.
The madman stood, laughed and swayed,
and watched, as the victims blood sprayed.
You could hear the terrified victims death call,
as his blood sprayed all over the wall.
His head it lopped, and then it fell,
Quickly followed by his body as well.
His body quivered for just a second,
As the afterlife slowly beckoned.
The mad man turned on his heels,
Looks back, as a last glance, he steals
Off he crept into the night
To see if his next victim, would put up a fight.
Aware for the Macabre Post of the Day goes to…
Sorry ’bout that. Perhaps this would have been the better selection……..
Chain Saw Uproar (Tracey’s Song) by dashpoet
Chain saw Shivers me
Roaring Gouging
slivers see
Spitting Slugs
of timbered tree
Hand in Hand with Gravity
and Slash and Grab humanity
Another tree
Another tree
succumbs to your Gash Tyranny
away in the ether
pristine whispered song
lilts distant elated
lush vibrant sweet throng
Ragged Edged calamity with
Atom Bomb ferocity
Another tree
Another tree
you slaughter indiscriminately
Forest Bright now breathless sea
Tiger Blight Dread legacy
Monkey Dead
dead monkey tree
cut to fearful Flat Symmetry
Yes… ‘better’…
I wonder why Hallmark hasn’t put that on a card yet. It’d be perfect for wishing someone a Nerky Beesmas.
Nreky Beesmas for band name of the day!
I’d fix that for you, LRC, but it’s rather nice. Nreky.
They’re from Norway.
I think this is just a well-disguised (or poorly-disguised, depending on the intent) Missed Connection.
Love and bees for passing my post through moderation 🙂
I think we’ve all lost track of what is really important in this post… the chain saw is only 345 cal! It’s low fat!
I prefer a .50 cal chainsaw… After all, bigger is better, right?
I’d never disagree with a guy called “Bombdude” who has a “.50 cal chainsaw” and lives so close to me.
The 875gr turned solid bronze match projectiles kind of bend the definition of “close” . . .
Maybe it’s just me, but the fact that Wikipedia says that pig sticks are particularly useful on catboats is just funny.
Arghhh, Be ‘lubber yam’ern, tae.
Ane Jack-tar wor’t ‘is salt be knowin’ thae be callit a jackpole ar jackstaff.
“Pig-stick’r!” Be bargeman or scowman jabber.
Arrgh, Gie a salt ane inclin’ashun to lay along yon Wiki an’ take a Pirate Stand, ane the Jollyman can whistle for cetaceans in rescue.
I’m never playing Scrabble with seamen.
Too s-
I know. Corner.
OT…sorta, but kinda relevant to today’s “Fun With Words” segment….
I work in the power generating industry.
When I first started here, EVERY industry term used was….well, it was akin to de-ciphering a Capn post most of the time.
Case in point:
One day, we had a snake get into a box that housed electrical wiring…and not your household type. No..nuh-uh..this stuff is 480V.
The snake contacted two things at once which resulted in a) fried snake and b) shorting of a major component’s power source.
The ops manager, at the time, was a guy with an incredible wit, prone to practical jokes, and simply brilliant. He told me, straight-faced, that the snake had laid across…the peckerhead…causing the short.
Peckerhead?
Yep, peckerhead.
I was incredulous, given his rep, but when I saw the pictures….umm…let’s just say that the bundle of wires bore a striking resemblance to…..oooh look, shiny!!
Case in point #2:
On another occasion something vital broke, came apart, sorta ripped – like a Southwest Jet roof…and had to be fixed right away.
Let’s use pooky-stick, the ops manager suggested.
I wasn’t part of the conversation, but overhearing “pooky-stick” made me burst into uncontrollable giggles.
Ops manager noticed and asked why I was laughing.
Pooky-stick.
Yeah, pooky-stick for repairing this stuff.
Really?
Really.
So, how’d it get the name?
He stood there staring at me for a while before he finally said…well, it must be because you sneak up on the thing to be repaired and pooky it with this sticky stuff.
:blink…crickets…:
Just two of the many instances where words take on a life of their own around here.
:snerk:
Pooky-stick.
I have a pokey stick at home, it’s a piece of PVC pipe I use to squash bugs I can’t reach.
I do not have a pokey stick at home. Mr. LRC is in charge of negotiating with the spiders. *shudder*
And, one must presume, of poking.
Patently.
I love patently leather shoes! Can’t wear skirts with them though.
*snerk* Is that what the llama-nuns told you, Mudsy?
Yes. That’s why I always wore penny loafers with dimes in them. Damn those plaid uniforms!
I have a pokey stick too, also made of PVC! I use it to annoy iguanas until they leave the yard. The iguanas tend to frighten the wild birds that I feed and while I consider the birds to be invited guests, the iguanas are party crashers and deserve to be gently prodded until they leave.
Hey everyone! How cool is it that Angel gets to pooky-stick iguanas in the back yard?
Damned cool, that’s what I’m sayin’…
And if you picture Angel as played by David Boreanaz, you get a really hilarious mental image. At least, I did.
LOVE
And now so do I.
Ooh, he’s wearing leather pants! :swoon:
Well it’d have to be David Boreanaz as a blonde female 🙂 But if you want to make those pants out of iguana leather, be my guest. I have a pooky stick ’cause iguanas are mean and spikey!
Here’s some shots of the one that’s usually in the yard; others wander in and out. I’ve dubbed it “Puffball” for its reaction when I shoo it away. It gets up as tall as it can and does a great dinosaur impression.
Puffball
I’m a dinosaur! Rawr!
Staring down one of the cats
Angel, those are hilarious, particularly with the captions!
I second Lola’s comment, plus all I can think of is “dawwwww!!!” Such a shiny green iguana!
Thanks! I have to admit I’m becoming rather fond of Puffball, actually.
(And thanks for not noticing the dog drool on the windows. We have a hound dog in addition to the cats and all of the windows tend to get a little… damp… if I’ve been out of town on business. My husband doesn’t “do” windows.)
I assumed it was Vaseline-smear, for making all your vistas look like romantic dream sequences from cheesy old Hollywood flicks.
Dog-drool does kind of burst that bubble…
Do you live in Tijuana? Do you barbecue the iguana?
Did you hear it on Mexican Radio?
Fort Lauderdale, but I have no doubt that there’s some iguana-roasting going on around town. When we have a cold snap and temps fall below 40, they get cold-stunned and fall from the trees and that would make them easy pickings. There was a local news story early last year about a man that was out picking up stunned iguanas and putting them into the back of his car (ostensibly to sell but he may have had his stomach in mind.) The heat in the car revived them and they began crawling about, almost causing him to have an accident. Can you imagine?! They have spikes on every angle and they tail-whip when they’re startled or angry…
*Jen, you gave me giggles with the thought of romantic movies featuring huge green lizards! Jurassic Park meets The African Queen, maybe?
Lizard love movies (reptilain romances? Herpetorial hankywringers?):
Love in a Cold-Blooded Climate.
The Bodyguana.
Bride of Godzilla (unless this already exists, in which case – awesome).
My Fair Lizard.
The (T-)Rex and I.
Funny Gila.
Angel, just a note of interest, at a place I call the Disneyland for Bird Lovers, they have outside aviaries, with canaries and orange and yellow weavers, etc. On a warm day, they have a large iguana who gets to sleep in the sun under the “tree” where the birds perch and squabble. We believe the reptile is there to cut down on rodent incursions. The birds ignore him, because they are faster than he is, most days.
Lovely to know, WR. I’ll stop fretting about the birds here on the patio and on the feeders.
That sounds like a lovely birdie resort, by the way.
I tried for 10 minutes to get here and kept getting “server not found” message.
:refresh: : refresh: :refresh:
:looks at web address: www. yousuckcraigslist. com
Brainwashing complete.
It’s okay. You’re still bi-winning in our eyes.
Maybe.
So Mr. Dave, and Mr. Ferret (presumably), here is yet another in a long series of Punchity Punch Punches!
G’Night, Jönköping!
Saturday, In the Snark! I know it’s not the 4th of July. Nerky PIIIGGGGSTIIIICKS to everyone!
Who’s a nerky pooky pigstick? YOU’RE a nerky pooky pigstick! ‘Es ‘ou are! ‘Es ‘ou are!!!
“Look at me–I’m white and nerky…”
It’s still fun to say – nerky, nerky, nerky.
CraigsLister, another first timer in the box! Here’s your card, hold it up in front of your face. 8) Pay no attention to the blood stains on the floor. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Nerkers Anonymous!