YSaC, Vol. 1004: … And You’re the Farmer’s Daughter.
I AM THE BABYSITTER…
HELLO MY NAME IS #### ####…. I HAVE THREE YEARS EXPENCENTS IN THE PASS WITH NEW BORN BABY AND PERSCHOOL KIDS…. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE CALL ME AT (###)###-####…. I BABYSIT THEM AT MY HOME…. THE PRICE IS $5.00 OR $10.00 PER HOUR…. I WILL READ THE A BOOK, SING TO THEM…. MY OTHER NUMBER IS (###)###-####….
THANK YOU
#### #####….
Boy, things sure have changed since I was a kid. I distinctly remember there being more than one babysitter. Sure, they were fairly interchangeable, but they did have some differences.
Well, not any more. She is THE babysitter. She has experience with new born baby. (Apparently there’s only one of those too.) Fortunately, in the face of all this certainty, it’s nice that we have some ambiguity when it comes to her rate. How much you want to bet that although she claims to charge $7.50 +/- $2.50, if YOU ask for a quote, it will always be +?
And then there’s the final conundrum – she will read THE a book. If you combine a definite article with an indefinite article, is that like combining pasta and anti-pasta (delicious) or matter and anti-matter? (All life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.) Or somewhere in between?
Incidentally, although this person doesn’t include a picture, I sort of imagine her looking like this:
There was only ever one babysitter in that household, after all.
Thanks for the link, Mackenzie!
Hello, the babysitter. I am the walrus.
Pleased to meet you, the walrus. I am the Donald.
Koo Koo Ka-chew.
Goo Goo Ga-joob.
Foo-Foo Ga-poo
Moo goo gai pan. I am the waitress.
But I ordered the lobster…
Rock Lobstah, aaaah ooooh!
I am sum yung gai.
That’s where the cream came from…
I know, I know… corner… going.
Giggity…
Well, that worked out, I was afraid this would all de-evolve into naught more than disjointed babay-talk.
We don’t normally go out of our way to explain the titles, but in this case I will, because it’s an awesome song, and you should listen to it:
Bell X1 – The Great Defector
I somehow rather doubt that.
Maybe it was supposed to read “I will read the ‘A Book'”. Maybe she’s working her way thru the encyclopedas. Would be a good way to put them to sleep.
I will set us up the bomb.
Additional: Apparently, I’m posting my comments too quickly for wordpress… it just effectively waggled its finger at me and refused to post my comment. First the randomly inserted replies the other day, now this. WordPress is having a power-trip.
Or, in honor of today’s post, WordPress is having THE power-trip.
Wonder if it’s going to go all HAL on us?
I’m sorry, Dave jr. I afraid I can’t change you…
I have you by the short hairs, Dave.
Dave’s not here, man.
Ghostie? Are you there? I can’t see you for the smoke!
That’s … incense. For my glaucoma.
Does your “incense” give you the munchies? I got biscuits….
With gravy?
The WordPress is having the a power-trip.
Er, yeah, that’s what that is. Gravy. Yup.
WP clearly follows the wuch’u of the B book, the bitter, and eternal enemies of the A book.
The A Book? It’s a good book, if you can afford it. And if you know where to find it.
It pities fools, though.
I think that’s a primer book focusing on the letter A.
A is for Auntie, your dear relative.
A is for alcohol, which is what they put in…
A is for Appletini, which your auntie loves to drink. A lot.
A is for ambulance, which is where they took the person your auntie hit with her car after she drank a lot of appletinis.
AA is for Alcoholics Anonymous, a group where your auntie was court-ordered to go.
This sounds like a book my godchildren (who call me Auntie) might read. (Up until the fourth line. I don’t have a car (and don’t ever drive if I have had a drink).)
You don’t know The A-Book?
It’s like The A-Team… in book form. It ain’t gettin’ on no plane.
Seems more like Sparky is reading the D- Book, or the F(ail) Book.
And about one year of elementary schooling, apparently.
Unfair, Lola! – After one year of elementary school virtually all the kiddos can compose a coherent sentence. However, by the last week of school very few elementary school TEACHERS are able to do so.
Storytime!!!
Bet y’all are wondering if I make this shit up, dontcha? I swear, life is so outrageous…I couldn’t make this shit up if I wanted to.
Grampdaddy, watch where you point that cane, will ya?
Okay, yesterday my “green” company sends out a mass e-mail.
It’s yet another one of those feel-good measures that somehow, I don’t know, make people think that they matter.
This time, it was “Don’t Throw Those Crayons Away”.
Yes, crayons.
*Apparently there are some foot-long isopods at 16k below the surface of the oceans that are eating crayons, and I guess that’s a bad thing.
I say if it was good enough for my kids, it’s good enough for the isopods!
But, I digress…as usual.
After reading the e-mail, and before my boss (he is awesome, btw) read it, I made a huge (fake) fuss about “..not gonna be able to do my job, properly, anymore…”
He wanted to know what had me so riled up.
“They’re taking away my crayons, for cryin’ out loud! How am I supposed to do my work without my crayons!?”
He had just taken a sip from his tea, and promptly learned what a ‘sinus enema’ is.
Good times.
*utterly manufactured marine biology “fact”
I wonder if giving your boss a sinus enema is good for your job security or bad…I know giving them any other kind is bad. Very bad.
And you know this… *HOW?*
My mother-in-law is setting up a playhouse type thing on her property for the grandkids when they all come to visit her. Since we were moving 600 miles away and trying to cut down on stuff, I donated a lot of my old childhood craft stuff to her that I still had… including 3 huge tins of crayons. No undersea creature is gettin’ MY crayons!
But I just love the rainbow-skittle colored poop laying at the bottom of the sea.
Taste the rainbow … trout.
Sorry, CJ – that *may not* have been my cane. Was it long and hard and curved on one end?
Oh, yeah, you were right – that was my cane….
You know where to find me. Send the little Monkey over when she gets here, I think we may be spending a great deal of time together.
Hey, hey, HEY! Just because I was all belligerant yesterday doesn’t mean that I will be today. Any-who, looks like SisterLyle is already in the corner.
:mumbling: I got your “little monkey”, old geezer.
But you’re such a cute little monkey – and I mean that in the best possible way.
MONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Watch out FM, I hear Grampdaddy’s not too old to spank a monkey…
heads for the corner
Yes, that got brought up yesterday. I also heard he can wax the walrus, if you know what I mean.
ahhh crap…
Note to self, catch up on missed days prior to attempting to snark…
No worries. I get behind on weekends, no time to sit at ‘puter then. Laundry, housework, hanging with Mini Monkey, drinking lots of beer. Just the important things.
Speaking of, I’m 30 minutes late for a cold one.
I may be capable of all those things, but prefer to buff the beaver. Few things bring me more pleasure than seeing that shiny, polished, flat tail.
FM and BD, I think you are being naughty – and I like that in a person.
Well, the war with eurasia not going so well, perhaps “expenscents” is a doublegood newthought accounting term.
Sparki merely wishes us to be reassured shiny coinage is handy for doublegood rightthink child entertainment.
What do you mean, the war with Eurasia? We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.
Why is it people are always trying to foist Asia off on me!? It’s your Asia this and your Asia that. Well, you know what, buddy, it’s your Asia today!
Awesome! I’m going to make Steve Howe mow my lawn.
Sometiiiiiiimes, ya swear you were born to loooooose!
And you wish yo feet were walkin’ in someone else’s shoes.
And it’s so hard…
And it’s sooo hard…
Babysittin’ these guys.
She’s got the……
I’ve got the….Babyyyy sitting blues.
Baby, baby.
Babyyyy sitting blues.
Baby, baby.
Babyyyy sitting bluuues.
“Don’t nobody leave here without singin’ the blues.” Bo Diddly
is is possible to have a reference please? or is it compulsory to use you since you are THE BABYSITTER? …and, how can you deal with all the world’s babysitting?
*gets out Zen book. Hums into safe space. gets out large gin and tonic. Ahh!*
in the same way Santa Claus delivers all the presents?
There can only be one babysitter. Which sets up a winner-take-all swordfight and some really crappy special effects.
I would actually pay to see this, come to think of it.
I could have used some swordfighting skills while babysitting. All I had were my wits and, depending on the parenting style, a wooden spoon.
Wasn’t Christina Applegate in that flick?
Either her or Elisabeth Shue.
It was a mash-up with both: “Adventures in Dead Babysitting” (zomb genre, of course).
Kind of like a book I bought a few years back: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Looked like an awesome idea, but it was just the Jane Austen book with an occasional random zombie attack and killing thrown in. Yawn. I left it on the table and Mini Monkey turned a glass of milk over on it and I took that as a sign to not finish it. But I did dry it out and put it on the bookshelves, makes visitors ask questions.
Yes, IF… I believe it was called “Don’t Tell Mom About the Adventures in Dead Babysitting”…or something like that.
See, in the 80’s they were doing the zomb
“sing to them”…
Songs like “Mary had a little Land”
“Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Star”
And my personal favorite, “Bot, Bot, Black Sheet”
“Tinkle, tinkle, little star;
You can go here in this jar.
Ten times stronger than moonshine,
But it tastes like turpentine.”
Bot-bot*, black sheet,
Old Crisco and a stool!
Rocket shoes, velvet paintings
A ripped up swimming pool.
Parrot feathers, haunted paintings,
Bulletin quark boards,
Car by Satan, bathroom Things
And a Ninja soard
Pot pot, black sheet
A 5-lb bag of stool!
Quagmire, porker tables,
Dang, CraigsList is cool!
*What’s a bot-bot? Maybe R2D2’s robot.
I heard this to the tune of “We didn’t start the fire” because of the list of snarked-at themes.
Bwahahahaha! Cool!
Bot-bot, bo bot
Banana-fanna fo fot.
Me, My, Mo Mot.
Bot-Bot
Mary had a little land, little land, little land
Mary had a little land and a great big mortgage
Now that they’re both underwater, she has to be the babysitter to make ends meet.
/Matt
You elitist snobs need to climb down from your socioeconomically high horses and be ashamed. Here where I live in LOCATION, we only have one babysitter. We elect her by a ritual called Expencent where the townspeople throw books at candidates — the first one to get hit by a title starting with “A” is the Sacred Babysitter of the Pass. Also, “perschool” is the name used here for “playful”, “hungry”, or “young third child born on a Thursday of a second wife.” You all should be a little more culturally aware.
/Matt
Shirley Jackson, is that you?
Get outta my head Lola!
OT
How’s the blog coming, Lara? Your url still redirects to the wordpress homepage.
/OT
I got distracted or maybe I mean discouraged by my inability to start myself up. I deleted it a week ago which is why it is directing there. I need to erase the link. I will get back to it (I know I have to rename it) and hopefully refrain from deleting it again in a late night fit of crappiness.
Thanks for caring and asking Sister. <3 and derp.
Innana, for the sake of the impressionable children, could you please cover 10 or 12 of your shoulder-knees up? After all, we don’t want to give anyone immodest thoughts while discussing baby-sitting.
Ever wonder why they call it baby-sitting when they notify the police if you sit on the baby?
Children LOVE my shoulder-knees. It’s like a wearable whack-a-mole game.
I just got a visual of that, makes me giggle.
It makes ME jiggle.
*glances at Innana’s comment, double-takes, spit-takes, runs in terror for fear the mention of ‘jiggle’ will bring out The-Clothing-Article-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named.*
:stares at Inanna:
It’s like watching a Lava Lamp…
I love your shoulder knees, too. 🙂
Can I combine pasta and anti-matter?
So long as you don’t cross the streams, Silva.
A tasty meal that could potentially tear open the fabric of space and time?
Can I have extra parmesan on mine?
Tomato or alfredo sauce?
Yes, please.
Mmm. Antipasta. Delicious, but no matter how much you eat you still feel hungry.
Yes, but I’ll have to charge you full price for both.
You could try the 2 entree platter and go with anti-matter and stir fry, it’s a similar experience so I’m told.
[obligatory itallian-food corey]
Ahem.
The correct term is “ante pasto.” It is the service course which is ante, before, the main course. The “pasta” in this sense does not refer to semolina noodles as a collective, but to the meaning of pasta (pasto) as “body” or “bulk” or “meal.”
Now, there is a tradition in fine Italian cooking, that the course before the main one, the pasto, ought be a bit “anti” in terms of being light, or with finer flavors or texture or the like. As a result, the use of the term “antipasta” has had some use, if poorly.
Were an antipasta offered, it would be a soup or a salad rather than the main course, and would probably cause a great deal of italianate eyebrow arching, what with the turistico pazzo turning down the scapalla or scampi fresca . . .
Tho- if forced, I can identify the meson-level antipasta–ramen instant lunch.
And, el dopo pasto is often Tums.
Ora, pronto, di nuovo al vostro pasto, buon divertimento! buon divertimento! mangiare! mangiare! porzioni extra per tutti!!
[/corey]
So if I am against betting on appetizers, would that mean I am anti ante ante pasto?
You know, I think The Babysitter meant to say “I will read thee a book.” So the reading will be done to the one hiring The Babysitter, while the singing is done to the ones being babysat (I hope The Babysitter understands that one is supposed to sit on the baby).
Oh! So the babysitter is Quaker. Now it makes sense.
Or Zombie Shakespeare.
IF having just sat in on a rehearsal of Alice in Wonderland where zombies turned up I’m all for Zombie Shakespeare. He’s got enough ghosts and witches and faeires to be going on with – now we need zombies and werewolves.
SIT ON ALL THE BABIES!
:squish:
Oops.
Perhaps I should re-think this business strategy.
No, no, you’re doing fine. That one was just a little overripe.
BABBIES NO EN EL FUEGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The babby is PINK!
And comes with a free OBO.
Cuiado! pudin de babay fuego en todos!
Donner pass…?
Remember: Eat the parents first, then the baby.
Khyber.
Rhyming slang, eh?
8)
Expensive+cents = expensecents;
“pass” term in prestidigitation for a limb movement leading to a reveal.
Ergo, Sparki does magic acts with once-passed coins?
I’m the pablum feeder, the Craigslist business leader
I am caps-addicted, never been convicted
I’m the babysitter, trust your babysitter
You’re the baby’s mother, wicked baby’s mother
I’m the babysitter, the only babysitter
Bring your child to my place, I’ll keep it in the crawlspace
I’ll read it V.C. Andrews, I’ll feed it gruel and cheap booze
I’m the babysitter, trust your babysitter
You’re the baby’s mother, wicked baby’s mother
That bruise was self-inflicted, he fell off the table
My rule is unrestricted, I am a bit unstable
I’m the babysitter, twisted babysitter
You’re the baby’s mother, unfit baby’s mother
I’m the babysitter, the only babysitter
(From here, for those that don’t get the reference, and just in case this wasn’t creepy enough.)
Oh like we need a twisted poem and link – which I’m not clicking on, nuh-uh no way, no how – to convince us of your capacity for creeperificness.
That video from the link would probably make a LOT more sense if I had sound on this computer…
If you imagine Keith Flint (the singer) as the babysitter, you don’t need sound to catch the creeperifficness.
He was my babysitter, only in female form….
Many adores for The Prodigy link. I think if more kids had Keith Flint as their babysitter, discipline problems would be a thing of the past.
I have this, “Breathe” and “Smack My Bitch Up” on my phone.
I heartily recommend “Breathe” if you are feeling a bit down in the dumps.
Apparently she is going to teach the young ones how to play American football. Sibling rivalry will get an early start in the family that hires this one.
Babby Sitter passes to CandyVan, CandyVan to Sitter, Sitter on the back side!
Passes to UncleCreepy, shoots GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!
We learned all about that in school, but they used animals as examples.
Deer passes to buck, buck runs with it, he runs left, he runs right, he makes it to the end zone — FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLL!
That makes me hear vuvuzelas.
Random thought: Every time I see the word “vuvuzelas”, my mind immediately translates that to “vulvas”.
But I have no idea what sound vulvas make.
But I have no idea what sound vulvas make.
Wow, there are so many ways this could go, but I’m just going to quietly go away with a silly smirk on my face.
And giggle.
Lots.
It just seems like a logical extension for some families – Dad is the sort who likes to toss babies in the air, and likes sports – next thing you know, he’s passing the baby to mom and she spikes Junior in the end zone and does a celebratory stupid dance after a TD.
They have better ways to take temperature, now.
0_0 …ouch
I commend you, Mindfield, on not taking that where I was about to take it.
How is babby passed?
Lots of breathing, swearing, sweating and pushing …
Oh, like you would know.
I’m mommy to four, and I can tell you they pass from stork to crib..effortlessly.
*takes another sip from Lola’s flask*
In Australia, it’s dingos, and they’re not passed how you might think.
CJ — that’s how I remember it too …. please pass the flask (it helps control the memories and maybe my cough).
They pass *boots* in Australia??? Owwww
There are videos about that but I wouldn’t eat lunch at the same time.
From right to left, in well-mannered households.
Damn Yankees and their table manners. Jeesh.
So does the food get passed in the other direction south of the equator?
Only after Labor Day, and if you are orthodox.
Come on people! These are basic rules!!!
To quote Will.i.am: People act like they ain’t got no mamas.
See, and this is how laziness causes doublebad wrongthink.
Food is passed from left to right.
The service is taken in both hands (most secure) and handed to the person to the right, who is then able to take the service with their stronger right (82%) hand. That person then takes a serving, if they wish, and then repeats the process.
This is also why a servitor should always present food to a seated diner from the left (unless that party is known to be sinister). Also, why servitors should withdraw from the right.
*goes back to supervising starching the linens*
From what I understand, like a kidney stone.
Granddaddy’s in the box! Enjoy your time there. I think it has rather more corners than your last visit.
Ooh, however did that happen? I’ll start on my acceptance speech soon.
The box may have more corners, but I see that they still have the “Reserved for Old Man” sign posted prominently above many of them. I do like what the Llamanun and Dan (BBUT) have done with the space – six sides, six corners – I really like the octagon shape.
And more magically appear if you need them, just as the magical flask has whatever you need in it and is always full. So, if you need extra corners for your cane and that tired ass you peddled around town all night (poor donkey! I’m sure the SPCA would have something to say about it), you’re all set.
Well, it rained all night and the donkey got soaked, so now my ass is all wrinkly.
Lola I need the flask. My car in for repairs was nearly ready until they dropped the engine onto the radiator and that broke. Now I’m waiting for a new radiator and will have to miss an afternoon with my friend watching tennis (on the TV). Damned mechanics!
*passes tig flask, cuppa, tin of assorted bickies (the best, for company), and large bar of Green & Blacks chocolate*
Hope that helps your Friday be a little better.
HELLO, I AM THE BABYSITTER. I AM EXPENCENTING VERRY BAD HURT. I WILL CRY FIVE OR TIN MENNITS BECAUS OF THIS. I NO SIT ON TINY BABBIES OR KIDS. YOU ARE VERY BADMAN.
Tilt your head forward a little dearie, and the pain will go away.
Just lie back and think of England.
Robert Englund?
If that’s what scuttles your dinghy, sure. Why not?
See, that just sounds painful.
You just have to be careful and stretch first.
I had read it as “scuttles your DIGNITY”
Will suppose that “poling the punt” would be no better, even if the subject of English watercolours beyond enumeration . . .
Mmmmmm…. Liz Shue….
Gesundheit!
*sniffle*
Thanks CJ!
There is The Babysitter and then there is The Babysitter……..
Bwahahahaha!!!
I heard the redneck mating call!!!
“I’m so drunk…”
“I WILL READ THE A BOOK”
Here’s what I assumed:
http://www.amazon.com/Berenstains-Bright-Early-Beginning-Beginners/dp/B000Z3LA3S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1307033050&sr=8-1
It was good, but I prefer the sequel, “The B Book.”
I have a feeling the F Book is more up Sparky’s alley.
I dunno, man. Kids get tired of having the same book read to them over and over again. Unless it’s their favourite book. Then you can’t get them to read any other books. Until the next day.
Extremely OT
I know we snark, and I know we kid, but sometimes…well…
Sigh….
This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7vjig6UlFg&feature=player_embedded
Just imagine if this was part of your child’s day, and for those of you who don’t know if what you are hearing is what you are hearing…yes, those are gunshots.
/end Extremely OT
Sadness. Where was this taken, do you know? I recognize a Hispanic language in the text but I don’t read or speak anything except English and a limited German.
A kindergarten in Estanzuela on the 27th of May? My Spanish is limited. Is the teacher singing to them? She made that one little girl smile.
In Mexico, Nuevo Leon I think, Sister.
The folks that scream and rant about immediately returning all illegals should be made to watch that video. At least 48 hrs straight. If leaving circumstances like that means you have to do so by illegal means, then come on over sisters and brothers.
Jury is out right now. I see Monterrey on a couple of different by-lines.
Well, I could go all political (and right-wing) on you, FM, but I won’t…it’s cuz yer so dang cute!
Truth is Mexico’s problems are Mexico’s problems and we need to work with our neighbors to solve the internal issues that fuel these drug wars.
The answer is not so simple as opening the gates. You do that, and as is already happening in south Texas, you will invite those scenarios into our schools.
Sorry, sore spot with me. I’m a Texan. I’m up close and personal with this issue.
Miss CJ, thanks for putting this sentiment into words. It is a dilemma that is difficult at best and can be all too horrific at worst. While I can understand completely the desire for a better and safer life, the strain it puts on social programs and public safety (to name just two) is enormous. There are states that are going broke because of it, both through budget expenditures/mismanagement, lack of federal recognition/support and productive people moving out of state. This issue hits home personally, too.
Damn. Reminds me a little bit of the hurricane drills they used to have in school, but a million times worse. That is one great teacher, to be able to distract the kids like that with gunfire coming from outside.
Late, but…
Holy shit. I thought I recognized that little girl for a second there. I used to teach English in a kindergarten in Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico. The setup of the classroom is very familiar, too. Now I feel like crying.
The teacher is very very brave and very resourceful, getting the children to sing in order to keep them from panicking.
The cartoon at the end of Dan’s post: That’s from Calvin and Hobbes, right? Oh how I wanted a transmogifier…sigh.
Sure, that’s Rosalyn, the only babysitter willing to put up with Calvin. She’s notorious for demanding payment in advance, as well as payment after sitting with him, resulting in 2X her stated rate.
I am the lawyer. I have three years of experience with legal research and legal work. The price is $50 or $100 per hour. I work at my home. I will meet with you and write the a court document, argue the judge….my number is (555)123-4567.
Wow, it’s been a long time, Grampdaddy! I know you don’t stay up this late, so you will hopefully collect it in the morning. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Chicago!
So nice to wake up to a freshly squeezed punch to start the day. I know you’re a night-owl and I’m sorry I missed you. Just one question Windy: How did you get into my bedroom?
Grampmommy let me in. 8) Nice lady.
In a time of slashing education budgets and decreasing school quality for many decades, the A is for Apple Book has been edited. The other 25 letters were deemed unnecessary and with all the sugar in fruit, we don’t want to promote that any more either. Besides the exclusive contracts with Coke and McDonald’s forbids us from teaching children about foods that are not Coke or McDonald’s products. So what we all once knew as A is for Apple is now known as the a book. Capital letters cost more to print so we’re not capitalizing it either.
I hope this clears up any confusion about the content of the room formerly known as the library.
Litarider – here in the UK they are closing libraries to save money. One local area got everyone to join the library, take out the maximum books (25 each) then when it closes is going to start up its own borrow and lending books system – using the books that they now ‘own’. Its a strange world …
tigprincess, I heard about that. As a librarian (albeit in the private/corporate sector) it makes me sad that it is getting to that point … but I also like the enterprising spirit of the informal collective library idea. The library may close, but not go away.
Benjamin Franklin would be proud.
*reads all 2011 snark – laughs self to incontinence*
Nope, got nothing new.
Happy 2nd of June, everyone!
Happy anniversary of the second sacking of Rome to you, too.
We apologize, those responsible for the second sacking of Rome have been sacked.
Rome was double-bagged?
Damn it Taco, you broke the box! While you and ghostie are in there, will you look for CJ? She’s got to be around here somewhere.
Oh, no – the clown got her!
I’ll go
hide under the bedalert the authorities!DOH: Welcome to the Dr. Odds show, I’m Dr. Odds Happening.(applause)
Our first guest today may interest all of our parents in the audience. Please welcome THE BABYSITTER.(applause) Why don’t you introduce yourself.
Babysitter: Hello, my name is #### ####.(applause)
DOH:You recently placed an add on Craigslist stating, and I quote, “I HAVE THREE YEARS EXPENCENTS IN THE PASS WITH NEW BORN BABY AND PERSCHOOL KIDS”. Is expencents a typo?(slight laughter)
BS: No, is very costly to take baby to pass. I take baby to White Pass, push baby down mountaian on snow, much fun.(gasps)
DOH: And perschool kids? How many kids per school do you sit?
BS: Nein.(gasps)
DOH: Nine? Well how many schools are involved here?
BS:No nein, nein, not nine, nein. Baby is $5, school kid $10. Is cost.(ahhhs)
DOH: And do you only babysit in your own home?
BS: Yes, that is where I keep the A book.
DOH: The A book?
BS: Yes, A is for Attention. If kid ignore what I say, use book to get attention.(gasps)
DOH: You mean you read it to them?
BS: Yes, I read cover, Listen To Me, then take aim.(double gasps)
DOH: You also sing? What do you sing?
BS: (clears throat) Home, home is derange, where peers and men can’t get laid.
Where Sheldon is heard on a show about nerds.
And Bazinga is word of the day.(laughter)
DOH: I don’t think thats how the song goes.
BS: I learn from kids.
DOH: Well, talk about patients running the asylum. Umm, our next guest is a guy who had a hot butter fantasy, We’ll discover why after the break.(applause)
Sing a song of expencents, the baby will not cry.
Do not pass him to the kids, they’ll butt him by and by.
Instead I read the A book, and also I will sing.
Why does no one call me? the phone, it never rings.
I am the babysitter,
I sit the children,
I am the one who make 5 bucks per hour
or 10, depending.
There’s a choice I’m making,
I WILL read the A book.
If you have got a better way,
let’s see book B.
TacoMagic and ghostcat, you have served your masters well. You may go. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Rome!