YSaC, Vol. 1024: A woman needs a fish like a bicycle needs.. wait, what?

2011 June 30

In today’s economy, it’s nice to know that there are still people who know exactly what they expect in their working conditions, and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. This poster has very strict requirements for their working conditions. Do they demand safety equipment? Ergonomic furniture? A fully stocked hummus bar in the cafeteria?

No they do not.

women or folding bicycle – $50


I am looking for a women or folding bicycle in working conditions, doesn’t matter the appearance.

Honestly, they might have better luck with the hummus.

Thanks for the link, Peter!

85 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 June 30
    Lola permalink

    I’d like a man or a rowing machine. Maybe we can work out a trade, Sparks. Appearance does matter, so I’m willing to pay $40.

    Adores: 12
    • 2011 June 30
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      It seems like there should be a creative way to combine those two. In fact, I’d wager something like it has already been invented…

      Hey, how did the corner move over here so quickly?

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 June 30
        LurkRealClose permalink

        There’s something that will work out my whole body and bring me flowers on occasion? I am interested in your philosophy and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

        Adores: 9
  2. 2011 June 30
    LimeLolly permalink

    Sparky doesn’t seem to care what kind of ride he gets.

    What? It’s too early for the corner. The coffee isn’t even ready.

    Adores: 22
    • 2011 June 30

      Actually the first one in the corner coagulates the coffee and slices it up for everyone.

      Adores: 9
      • 2011 June 30
        LimeLolly permalink

        Yeah? Well, Baby never has to make the coffee, ’cause nobody puts Baby in the corner!

        Adores: 8
    • 2011 June 30
      funky monkey permalink

      Well you know what they say about a bike ride, L2. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty danged good.

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 June 30
        Wind Not.A.Sparky rose permalink

        I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike!
        At work, at home, and everywhere, I want to ride it where I like!

        Adores: 4
  3. 2011 June 30
    Ralph permalink

    If you want working women for only $50, the appearance is likely to be rode hard and put away wet..

    Adores: 11
    • 2011 June 30
      LimeLolly permalink

      It’s time for Jeopardy!

      I’ll take Working Women for $300, Alex.

      Adores: 10
    • 2011 June 30

      Or as my wife and I say, “Pork Roast Face.”

      Nothing wrong with having a face comparable to a pork roast, mind you, it just scares the children.

      Adores: 7
    • 2011 June 30
      Windrose permalink

      Ralph! You were in the box the other day! Did you know that?

      Adores: 1
  4. 2011 June 30

    There are some pluralization disagreements here that makes me think this post was a collaborative effort between Bacontini and Gollum.

    Yes, yes, we want de womens. No! No, we want a women, one is enough, because Smeagoltini is here for de womens or a women. Yessss. Or a folding bikes in good conditionsssss. Yes, we wants it. One of it. Smeagoltini needs to get in shapes, he does! But a soft women would make us happy, yes it would. But a bikes would make us fits. We wants the bikeses we do! Maybe we want a womens to ride the bikeses! No no no Smeagoltini, stupid, stupid, stupid, that would defeats the purposes. Oh, my preciousssss…

    Adores: 23
    • 2011 June 30
      SilvaNoir permalink

      fixee de bikesss?

      Adores: 10
    • 2011 July 1
      Steph permalink

      I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Gollum without laughing now… Normally it’s just a Samwise-esque scornful glare, but now there will be sniggering involved.

      Adores: 2
  5. 2011 June 30
    fpelayo permalink

    women’s bike or folding bike?

    (amazing how a little missing punctuation turns it into a prostitute-seeking ad :P)

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 June 30

      OH! That’s what sparks was asking for. Now it’s making sense finally.*

      *This may not be true.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 June 30
      camille permalink

      Ah, a panda who knows how to punctuate. I bet you eat shoots and leaves too!

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 June 30

        “Put your hand down, Horshack.”
        “Thank God for commas.”

        Adores: 8
      • 2011 June 30
        Lilly permalink

        every time someone gets anal about punctuation I think of the Oatmeal comics and then waste too much time re-reading them
        http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 June 30

          I love The Oatmeal. He’s awesome.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 June 30
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Mmm… distraction…

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 June 30
      Windrose permalink

      My husband is always throwing logic at me like this. I don’t like it. No, sir, don’t like it at all.

      Adores: 6
    • 2011 June 30

      No wonder I failed as a butler. I thought I was supposed to call the guests names as they entered. My bad.

      Adores: 11
      • 2011 June 30
        Windrose permalink

        Dave: Hey, lady, leave the ugly ape outside!

        Adores: 3
    • 2011 June 30
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Maybe the Sparkster wants a “Folding Woman” and a “BIKE” supporter to keep his ‘spirits’ up.

      Adores: 5
  6. 2011 June 30
    C "From Behind...Suddenly" J permalink

    Sparkletini is here for de women, or de bikes, or both. He aims to please.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 June 30
      Lola permalink

      Some women even get called “the local bike” because everyone has … er. Corner.

      Adores: 9
      • 2011 June 30

        Because everyone has … tightened the chain? Changed a sprocket? Adjusted the seat? Oh, oh, oh! Honked the horn.

        Kinky.

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 June 30
          Lola permalink

          Put her kickstand up. That’s it.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 June 30
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Replaced her pads…

          Oh, hey Lola. It’s a corner kind of a day, isn’t it?

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 June 30
        Grampdaddy permalink

        City bike or mountain bike – you can find the style you want almost anywhere. You do need to decide how many speeds you want though, so you can match your riding conditions.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 June 30

          And a bell. It must have a bell for me to ring.

          Adores: 8
  7. 2011 June 30

    For $50 my spare bike would fold. I’d just need my hacksaw, a few hinges and 20 minutes.

    Adores: 5
  8. 2011 June 30
    Windrose permalink

    Is Grampdaddy looking for a summer job? Cause, you know, he likes to peddle it all over town.

    Are those coffee slices ready yet? The corner looks empty this morning.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 June 30
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Nope, I have a summer job. I’m doing destruction work on GrampMommy’s and my domicile. Hopefully by the time school starts again, it will be inhabitable.

      Adores: 4
  9. 2011 June 30
    funky monkey permalink

    As accident prone as I am, I don’t want a folding bike. I can imagine it collapsing on me as I ride.

    As far as “in working conditions”, I want jacuzzi service, at my desk.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 June 30
      Lola permalink

      Add in Sven and I’d work there.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 June 30

        I can rent him out hourly if you’d like. My price is either 30 bucks an hour, or a bike able to do oragami.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 July 1
          Lara permalink

          For a second there I thought you were charging by the number of something that is not so different in spelling from origami and not all that different in terms of difficulty sometimes. It’s late but I’ll hang out in the corner for a bit before bed.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2011 June 30

    So what’s the going rate for a folding woman? Enquiring minds need to know…

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 June 30
      funky monkey permalink

      I’m now old enough that PARTS of me are folding, but I don’t think that’s worth any cash to anyone.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 June 30
        Grampdaddy permalink

        I’m old enough that parts of me are – hmm, ‘folding’ isn’t the right word – droop-, nah, that gives the wrong impression. Let’s go with ‘relocating’…

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 June 30

          Now I’m imagining signs hung on parts of Gramps’ body saying, “We’ve moved! Please visit our new outlet conveniently located at…”

          Adores: 12
        • 2011 June 30
          Lola permalink

          I don’t know whether to send you two to the corner together, or to separate corners! 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 June 30
          funky monkey permalink

          Depending on how fast Grampdaddy’s parts are relocating, maybe he should have a corner all to himself. And like a scoop or something.

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 June 30
          Grampdaddy permalink

          “We’ve moved! Please visit our new outlet conveniently located at…”

          “Coming soon to this location – Watch for our Grand Opening Sale!”

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 June 30
          Grampdaddy permalink

          And like a scoop or something.

          FM, are you trying to “Pick me up”? Because, I do have standards – they are extremely low, but I do have them.

          Where IS Freddy Mercury when we really need him? “I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike…”

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 June 30
          funky monkey permalink

          No no no. I’m just trying to be “supportive”. You know, like a good quality undergarment.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 June 30
          Wind Not.A.Sparky rose permalink

          Grampdaddy, Jinx! Of course you were first, so the jinx is mostly on me. That will make my day.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 July 1
          Lara permalink

          I would suggest that Grampdaddy remain open during renovation. Please excuse the mess.

          Adores: 1
  11. 2011 June 30
    C "From Behind...Suddenly" J permalink

    Alright my fellow snarkers!

    The time has come, the fat-cat said, to speak of many things.
    Of *hack, hack, wheeze* plague-bearing hoomins;
    Of antibiotics and hallucination-inducing fevers.

    Of taking these things on vacation in 3….2….1…

    Party on my friends and *cough, hack, wheeze* if I survive this recent ’bout of the plague and upcoming visit with mother-in-law, I’ll see you in about two weeks.

    Happy 4th to the Americans…and the Not.Americans, too!

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 June 30
      funky monkey permalink

      I’d rather have the plague oozing out of every opening in my body than face the mother-in-law.

      Happy holiday, and get all recovered.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 June 30
      CapnMac permalink

      Sounds the perfect timing to me. Unsuspecting MiL with no locally-built immune response, with travel-related immunosuppression, and being just at the back end of ailing . . .

      An ichor-based “tag, you’re it” sort of game.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 June 30
        funky monkey permalink

        Bwahahahahahahaha! Cap’n: I read MiL as MILF. Gave your post an entirely different tone.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 June 30
          CapnMac permalink

          And, just what would “frustration” have to do with it?

          Adores: 0
  12. 2011 June 30

    With all the laundry I have, a folding anything would be appreciated: bike, woman, monkey… just please fold my laundry!

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 June 30

      Dealer calls, bike folds, laundry folds… bet is 20 tubs of vintage Crisco to you Lyle.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 June 30
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Just don’t spill that pot. Topper gets cranky when we have to scrub shortening out of her.

        Adores: 3
    • 2011 June 30
      funky monkey permalink

      A folding monkey. No. Way.

      Monkeys do not “fold”. However, they do staple, bend and mutiliate.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 June 30
        Bombdude permalink

        I’ve seen one spindle, but never staple…

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 June 30
          funky monkey permalink

          That was probably my cousin Daisy Lou. She’s pretty “limber” if you know what I mean.

          Adores: 2
  13. 2011 June 30
    SilvaNoir permalink

    Sparkster, you’re in luck. Just visit my workplace, a big famous shipping company (that shall go nameless). If you don’t mind being awake at 4 in the morning. There are women (including me) working, as well as the occasional bike that comes in off the trucks. A good thing you don’t mind the appearance; no one is looking their best at that hour in such a dusty warehouse and the bikes are in cardboard boxes. Of course, the bikes are being mailed to someone else (or stores) and the security guard will escort you out and ban you from ever coming back for trying to take either one.

    Adores: 6
  14. 2011 June 30
    Addicted Reader permalink

    ::digs out copy of “Eats, Shoots & Leaves”::

    Here, Sparky, no more Craigslist posting until you’ve read and understood every page of that book.

    (That should keep Sparky busy and out of our way for a while.)

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 June 30
      Wind Not.A.Sparky rose permalink

      But AR, there is an unlimited supply of Sparkies, and not all of them read books. And they are breeding. It’s the end of the world as we know it.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 June 30
        Addicted Reader permalink

        More books!!

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 June 30
        Lola permalink

        I feel fine.
        *sips from flask*

        Adores: 3
      • 2011 June 30
        Ziaheart permalink

        Been around the world and found that
        Only stupid people are breeding
        The cretins cloning and feeding
        And I don’t even own a TV?

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 June 30

          I’ve been livin’ underground with the moles
          diggin’ holes.

          Adores: 3
  15. 2011 June 30

    My questions are these: is “a women” a new non-pc term for female siamese twins? Two separate, identifiable entities in one convenient package? Or is “a women” another term for one person with split personality disorder?

    The kinky corner’s looking kinda full. I’ll go sit in the shamed-for-derogatory-thinking corner. Might be a little quieter there. No coffee slices for me, thanks. I’ll comfort myself with a glass of lukewarm Mt. Dew.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 June 30
      Addicted Reader permalink

      What’s with the new name?

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 June 30
        Lola permalink

        I wondered, too, but I’ll just …
        *passes flask*

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 June 30

        I spent 3 and a half days in teleconference at work. I wasn’t able to hang out here as much as I’d like. As the conference wound down, I was able to post the comment. As most teleconferences are, it was one of the most painful and tedious experiences I’ve endured in a long time. The first two days were so rough, I ran out of tequila Tuesday night.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 June 30
          Lola permalink

          Three and a half DAYS?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!!!!
          Three and a half hours would be brutal enough. I am impressed with your stamina, dude. I’d be incoherent at the end of the first day!

          Hmm, a flask may in fact be insufficient for your needs after that!

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 June 30
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Welcome back to the real snarky world!

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 June 30

          It was documentation review by committee. Which, let me tell you, is one of the absolute most tedious things you could possibly imagine. It makes watching grass grow look like a day at the horse races.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 June 30
          Lola permalink

          Like, legal doc review? You’re an attorney?
          I hear it’s boring enough doing it yourself … but by committee? Oy …

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 July 1
          Yancy permalink

          Technical writer.

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 June 30
      Ziaheart permalink

      Reminds me of something I read on a forum passing through… the guy was boasting about all the women his ROLE-PLAYING CHARACTER has been with, which I think is pretty sad in itself. But anyway, amongst the usual vampires and priestesses and cat-girls, there was a succubi. A SUCCUBI. I just sort of paused and said “what the hell is a succubi? Is that like… like… a conjoined twin succubus?” while making faces at my computer screen.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 July 1
        Lara permalink

        I feel sad for a guy that would brag about RPG hook ups. Even if one of them was a conjoined demon.

        Adores: 0
  16. 2011 June 30

    I think I’ve seen this movie – Origami Women Versus The Atomic Folding Bike. I found the guacamole wrestling scene to be overdone, but the lunar chase sequence was very exciting.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 June 30
      Lola permalink

      Lunar chase sequences are so last year. Solar chases are the new thing for the summer blockbusters, I hear.

      Adores: 4
  17. 2011 July 1
    Windrose permalink

    Ghostie and Mindee Sitting In A Box! Punchity Punch Punch Eating Lox!

    G’Night, New South Wales!

    Adores: 2

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.