YSaC, Vol. 1033: Sex on (hot) wheels.
2011 July 13
b a b y s i t t e r needed
- Daytime girl wanted.
- East coast couple new in town.
- Send resume and photo. 1ooo to 2ooo w.k.
- Seeking a babysitter for our child. Normal girl only. 1 8 +.
- Sex when not working with kid.
- If you have a place safe for a kid.
- Interview Thursday.
Do I have to have sex the WHOLE time I’m not working with the kid? And how normal is normal? Like, normal enough to not be willing to have sex the whole time I’m not babysitting? Because that’s going to create a conflict.
Thanks, Sofya!
So how normal is this girl if she still needs a babysitter at 18+? Also, why doesn’t the parent know her exact age? “How old is your daughter sir?” “Oh I don’t know, I know she’s at least over 18 but I have very fuzzy memories after 18 years. I think it was the acid.”
“How do you know she’s over 18?”
“She told me when she asked me to buy her beer.”
“I mean it was right there on her i.d. Duh.”
I like the way they space out ‘babysitter’. Yeah, that’s the part of this ad likely to get it flagged.
I love it when sellers on Craigslist or eBay get typographically cutesy like that. You wouldn’t want your ad to show up in the most likely searches, now, would you?
Well, they very well couldn’t put down “W h o r e willing to watch my kid” now could they?
I think “b a b y s i t t e r” works well for this. It’s as if he’s saying it aloud, very slowly. You can assume winks are occurring simultaneously.
This child lives with either a parent or both parents who want to have sex with a prostitute/babysitter. Finding a place safer than theirs will probably be easy.
Let me get this straight …. he/she/both want to have sex with me when I’m not working with the kid and I have to have a safe place for said kid with or without supervision.
I think Child Services will be knocking on their door very soon.
But this seems to be a perfect solution! Drop the kid off at CPS, they’re a safe place. Go have sex. Pick kid up. Profit?
Or, it’s a couple who want to have sex with a ‘n o r m a l’ goatherd.
Or they just want to meet a “normal plus eighteen girl” with a goat pen–for some seriously kinked furrie hi-jinx.
Yes, as icky as when on [operation] in [location] when we had to do a wet insertion up just that kind of creek.
*crickets*
*blink blink*
What?
I think Capn’s flowery language just imploded on him.
EDIT: OK I figured it out. Our glorious capn’ is making a play-on-words based on the use of “kid.”
Though I don’t think goatherd is typically one word.
Maybe Sparky likes his ladies Rubenesque.
Babysitter got back. *breaks out into dance*
Have you heard Jonathan Coulton’s version?
http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2005/10/14/thing-a-week-5-baby-got-back/
Funny as hell.
Wow… just… wow. Won’t be doing that version at Karaoke…
Does anybody else wonder what this “interview” will consist of? I don’t think they will ask her where she sees herself in five years.
I like that they think there’ll be so many awesome applicants they’ll need an interview process.
“Hmm, well, you’re certainly flexible, but your grades have been falling this year and I really think you should concentrate on your eductaion for a while. Plus, the girl before you had been in the Peace Corps!”
I bet “flexible” will be a desirable skill in this job.
And a familiarity with “toys”.
As will “sucking” at Craigslist.
Well, finding plus size 18 “normal girls” with experience with babby goats for only 1000 per week . . .
Which sounds good if 1000/40, that’s 25, er, whats, per hour. Qualtloo; Baht, Uruguayan pesetas, West African franc, Uzbekistan som?
Again with the goats…..*brain bleach with a neti pot*
I’m guessing she’s going to get paid in goatsmilk. Makes good cheese.
Whatever it consists of, it’ll be fun for all the family…
Wanted: Babysitter/prostitute. Must have place in brothel safe for a kid. Normal girl only.
Well, some of the fancier ones have swings and stuff that I’m sure could be adapted for…
*crack*
Oh hell. How did my head find that corner all of a sudden?
Dead deer available for an additional cost.
If “1ooo to 2ooo w.k.” means one to two thousand bucks a week, I would consider having s e x when not working with a kid.
Did I type that out loud?
I’m afraid that in the current economy, someone without a lot of marketable skills and with a lot of desperation would do this.
I’m going to go have more coffee and then maybe my mood about this will change from appalled to snarky. I looked at it when I was at home and didn’t know how to typographically express that my jaw was hanging open in appalled disbelief.
Well, the ability for your jaw to hang open like that could be a qualifi-
*crack*
Ow. Again.
[caution, low to no comedic content]
Yeah, just too tempting for this economy, even with the lack of definitions here.
Are you to go to the east coast couple’s home or not. If not, why not?
1000 to 2000 week sounds good if divided by 40; divided by 7 x 12 = 84, not so much. The lack of units involved just increases the potential amount of misery available.
For some reason, my brain has tossed a ‘translation’ of this ad back at me.
Hi, we are a couple from the east coast. We are currently squat/sharing a sub-sub-sub-sublease, and the other stoners there don’t like our babby. So, we want to find a normal (not norml) girl, with her own place, to watch our babby. Said girl can live like it’s her own place, and engage in normal activities like copulation (you should see what goes on here). We have 1000 to 2000 per week, we are not sure what, as it looked like pugtunias the last time we looked. No judging us!
[/whatever]
Maybe the Sparkies are just kind of compulsive and want to collect that many resumes and pictures per week? It’s a lot, so maybe that’s why they are hiring someone.
Hey a teenage girl has a huge budget for clothing! And shoes? Shutthefrontdoor! Have you see how much a good pair of Jimmy Choo’s cost these days?
Jimmy Choo’s is soooo last month!
Right now it’s all about the Timmy Halfunger boots.
And, I foresee a whole new series on television soon – “The Babysitter’s (Other) Club”
I think I saw that movie.
:Asks Uncle Google:
Yep, I have.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0796302/
GC, I’m sure you meant to say you had heard of that movie, not watched it.
No, I’ve actually watched it. It’s not a porno, just a really bad movie.
On a related note, is there a genre that John Leguizamo hasn’t covered yet?
Industrial/business informational?
School filmstrip?
Ooh..i miss the filmstrip *ding!*
Wonder what the kids would twitter if they were shown a filmstrip (or a flip-slide) today . . .
WAY back when I was in 8th grade, we had a very dear old spinster schoolteacher. I believe she had been teaching for 55 years when I was in her class. She truly was a sweet, charming old soul – hair in a bun, long dresses, ‘practical’ shoes, etc. She only had one bad habit – she continually referred to those films as “strip films”, which caused the young ladies to blush and the over-hormoned males to snicker.
The lovely teacher also kept a bottle of gin in her lower left desk drawer, I’m sure for medicinal purposes.
The 1600’s were a different time, weren’t they.
BooYAH! Awesome burn Sis! Reckon Grampdaddy has figured out yet what hit him?
I’m betting you know all about “medicinal purposes” now, Gramps.
The gin is to soak the raisins, which are said to do wonders for osteoarthritus.
No really. Soaking golden raisins in gin or vodka and starting your day with 7-10 is said to provide excellent symptom relief.
I’ll be in the corner.
Wait… doesn’t everybody?
Well … Not exactly gin, but it is a clear liquid in a glass jar.
Spinal fluid?
Oh, suh-weet clothespin jeebus!!!
This comment will probably nest somewhere I don’t want it to, and I have nothing snarky to say, but hi from Athens!
:waves:
Hi, Athens!
Small bear in Athens! Watch out for rioters!
Hey, how’s the weather in Georgia today? What? No, really? Well, it’s all Greek to me. Hi Camille!
camille…honey you don’t need to snark, you are in Athens!
I haz a jealous.
So…clarify. Are you in Georgia or Greece?
There’s one in Indiana, too. Therefore, there is no need to snark when one is living ‘the dream’.
I try not to think of all the lands of enchantment available in Indiana…..besides, they probably pronounce it AT-hens!
😉
Gotta be Greece. Cause (according to my sis that lives there) she would be too melty to type from Atlanta GA. They be havin’ a heat wave.
It’s true. I’ve melted into a puddle here in Atlanta. Thankfully, I hired someone to type for me.
It’s hot here in the Northeast too, but I’m on vacation so off to the beach!
Having a heat wave here, too–but, it’s so serious a drought, melting is encouraged.
It’s hot here, too… but it’s July in Boise. It’s supposed to be hot. If anything, we’re having a cold snap since it hasn’t gotten above 100 yet. Brrrr this 85 degree weather! I hate having to wait for my car to defrost in the morning.
Yeah, it’s supposed to be a chilly 90 degrees tomorrow – I’ll have to wear my mittens to work.
Tennessee, Georgia, and Texas, too
In Big D it’s a chilly 99 right now, expected to reach 102 later today.
I swear, though, I just spent the last week in St. Louis and I was miserable in their heat – 85 degrees and about 90% humdiddity.
I’ll take this dry heat any day of the week. My house, though, is either going through a serious civil war, or is finally realizing its goal of becoming a duplex. That half is going that way and the other half is heading over there.
*grumble, grumble, foundation-schmoundation*
Common problem in our clay soils – foundations crack and houses follow suit, doors stick and drywall cracks appear. The solution? Sigh…there isn’t a good one. Oh sure, you can pay someone thousands of dollars to fix the problem…the catch is the “problem” may crop up somewhere else along the foundation and guess what? Yep, thousands more for additional repairs.
We have found that large amounts of rain or watering the foundation helps. The entire house comes back together during fall/winter months…when we get lots of rain and cooler temperatures.
[soils & construction corey]
Dallas, & Fort Worth too, are at the edge of the Blackland Prairie. Said prairie gets its name from the presence of Montmorillonite in the soil. Said mineral has the largest coefficient of expansion of any soil mineral. It’s a legacy of being the swampier, scummier bits of the shoreline back when there was an inland sea.
For construction purposes, it’s horrible stuff to build upon or near–it’s as bad dry as it is wet. In fact, it has only two very narrow zones for workability or for geotechnical stability. Neither much occur naturally.
Yet, legions of builders have tossed concrete slabs over the stuff and called it even for generations. All seemed to rely upon the old construction adage of “looks good from my house.”
Inside a good portion of the Dallas City limits, there is a nice, stable, near-to-hand layer of Austin Chalk. This makes “T post” foundation “jacking” pretty easy. Other places, not so much.
Unlike down here where I live, between two river valleys, you cannot simply put a soaker hose around the foundation and just keep the soil saturated. That DFW “gumbo” will just shrug such mayfly human hubris aside.
[/corey]
Hello…
*looks at writing on hand*
Aflac!
Are you ready to snark?
*crickets*
Hwuwwawh!
Are you going to try Greek while you’re there?
And of course, you just have to brong us some coffee cups when you get back from Greek!
Actually, plates might be more prudent.
Here, I fixed the ad so that it is now honest:
b a b y s i t t e r, naughty nurse, or dirty teacher needed
——————————————————————————–
Daytime girl wanted.
East coast
coupledirty old man new in town.Send
resume andphoto. 1ooo to 2ooo w.k.Seeking a babysitter for
our childme.Normalgirl only. 1 8 +.Sex whenever
not working with kid.If you have a place safe for a kid then maybe things can get kinky.
Oral Interview Thursday.
Please bring results of last blood test.
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Blood test results, that is.
Then I’ll run away screaming.
I don’t have any test results, but I can show you some blood.
Funny, I had a blood test this morning – stayed up all night studying for it.
Gamps, I’ve got RIMSHOT on line 2 for you.
Storytime!!!
I work in an industry where random drug testing is not only random…it’s rampant.
I’ve been ‘random-ed’ FOUR times in the last year.
I keep telling them, I’m not on anything I’m naturally this goofy.
Anywho…the first time I got random-ed was right after another random snagged someone who didn’t realize THC stays in the bloodstream for a long time post-doobie (brothers concert).
The boss was a bit gun-shy to say the least, and me…being me…couldn’t resist the opportunity.
I put on my best shocked/stricken/OMG face as I walked slowly ( like a zombie in a really bad Roger Corman movie) into his office after I got back from the clinic.
I stared at the floor and even shook my shoulders a bit.
“I’m so sorry, Boss-Man.” I said, sniffling.
“What? What is it?” He replied, the alarm in his voice apparent.
“I didn’t know. I mean, who could know?”
“Who could know what?!”
I sniffled more and shuffled my feet.
“CJ, what happened?” Boss-man said, trying very hard to maintain his composure.
“It’s just that this kind of thing has never happened to me before, ” I began, “and I don’t know what to say.”
“JUST SAY IT, ALREADY!”
Knowing he was just about at his wits end, I looked up…and at this point I had managed to muster a tear or two.
“I haven’t ever failed a test before, but look, ” I said, showing him the readout from the breathalyzer and urinalysis, “I got zeroes on both of these. Maybe, next time I should study more?”
He chased me almost all the way to the ladies room where I found refuge for a few minutes.
It was classic.
/end storytime
Awesome story.
And proops for the Roger Corman reference! Classic.
CJ: My company does random drug tests, but they don’t stop at urine. They take also hair.
Another way to spin it would have been if you had told everyone EXCEPT your boss that the urine test showed you were pregnant. And it was his. Well. That might NOT have been funny. Depends on how well your boss/his wife/your better half take jokes. Yeah, nevermind, don’t ever try that one.
*shakes head*
These parents are overworked, and need an outlet, something besides recreational drugs. They grew tired of having sex with each other years ago. Time to reach out and find a caring person for their child and a sex slave to brighten up their lives. Wonder if there’s medical benefits and a 401k plan?
Well, if you consider “Weekly pathogen testing” to be medical benefits, then yes.
Or, the medical benefits equal “we (probably) won’t give you a disease.” Not catching something is a benefit, right?
It certainly is in my place of employment! 8)
Is saying, “DDF UB2” in the ad a taxable or non-taxable benefit?
[cynical view]
Or, no medical benefits are mentions as it’s hard to catch anything if you’ve already got one of everything . . .
We call it the Three Stooges syndrome. You have so many different infections that they are actively competing with each other and not allowed to “get through the door” as it were.
I think that’s pretty much what Dr Hibbert told Mr. Burns on the Simpsons.
That is indeed where I stole that from.
Ah, I knew I felt an affinity for ye.
Back when I walked the beat as a rent-a-cop for a college campus, my partner and I would occasionally have “Quote Jousts” with Simpsons, Monty Python, and Faulty Towers.
In retrospect it was a pretty sad way to spend a 10 hour shift, but it was pretty fun to share that 10 hours with a kindred spirit.
I’ve always been ready to party with anyone that can quote the Simpsons. Or Dumb and Dumber. Or Napoleon Dynamite.
Oof, you had me until that last one. ;-).
Does a free monthly “cooties shot” count as a medical benefit?
I’m not sure I understand this whole concept: I recall getting 75 cents an hour, potato chips and a coke to babysit. Not once did I get sex, or even a kiss good-night after sitting for someone’s hellions.
True, but I’m guessing you probably haven’t spent a lot of time being an attractive 18 year old girl.
True, but everybody said ,”You’ll like him, he has a ‘great personality’ “….
He has HUUUUUGE tracts of land.
When I was babysitting, we actually SAT on the babies. We had to make the potato chips ourselves and coke was actually still IN the coke. The TV was a radio and Sex wasn’t even invented then. We got paid in war bonds and S&H green stamps.
Oh Yeah! – Huh, when I was babysitting, we didn’t even have babies! We had to make them ourselves before we could sit on them.
Never mind….
Back in my day there weren’t any children! We had to sit on the parents…
Oh… now I understand the ad.
Pishaw. When I was babysitting, the radio wasn’t a radio, it was an old grizzly cowboy with a guitar. And my pay for a whole winter’s worth of babysitting was a 1/2 cord of wood and 2 chickens.
FM, when I was babysitting, it was nearly always automatically better if they had MTV and you could watch it before the kids went to bed (we did not get cable until I was babysitting for a few years). That was back when the M in MTV actually stood for “music.”
*puts iPod back on and resumes playing Elvis Costello’s “Watching the Detectives”*
But, FM, how was the sex?
The sex was old and leathery. And dusty. I needed lots of ointment and a poultice after it was over. Cowboys ain’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Sex should not crinkle like a bag of chips.
*herf*
I was never asked to be a child-minder, not until I was a Lieutenant, and then, all the children were +18 (and varying definitions of ‘normal’).
Well, you do know that the egg got laid – she just had to pullet.
*Subsequent edit – Damn, this was supposed to be after FM’s sex/chicken comment below.*
Sounds like they’re plenty cracked.
You got chickens?!!
Your comment asking about chickens after our comments about sex = too funny.
It was like this:
sex
sex
sex
chickens
And I was all like bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Sorry for the lack of clarity – does that make me a Sparky? Athens, Greece. Free wifi at the port of Piraeus!
Oh yeah, now I’m coveting.
8)
Have a wonderful time, little bear-dog, and say “Hi” to Socrates and Plato for me.
Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones….
Mediterranean vacation ahoy! Enjoy!
Oooh, for the first time ever I wish I was a tiny bear dog!
I haz the jealous now, too.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts named after wooden horses! 😉
And now I have this huge craving for lamb and feta and olives and retsina, even despite very clear memories of the sort of hangover mixing Mextaxa and Ouzo causes . . .
We have drive-through gyro stands here in Boise. Like a coffee cart but instead of driving away with a half-caf mocha, you drive away with a lamb and tzatziki wrap. Yum!
Instead of ice cream trucks we have taco trucks that drive around… and we have a Tamale stand on the corner instead of a hotdog stand.
For a place that has rather terrible Mexican food, they sure have a lot of it everywhere around here.
“The food here is terrible, but at least you get a lot of it!”
Someone I married but who will remain nameless in this comment chose Ouzo to take to a drinking party because it tastes the same going down as it will if it comes back up. He remembered those words all night long.
I fail to see the problem here…..
8)
*I thought that said “someone I married but who will remain useless” and I thought, “Hey! us girls have so much in common.” j/k
H K ll ! W ‘r n th b x t g th r!
*Wow, that’s hard to do! I mean, type like that, not be in the box with you Kelly. 🙂 *
My name has no y.
Oops – sorry. I’m gonna claim that the lack of vowels in your box-winning post threw me off.
Yeah, that’s it, the lack of vowels. Or maybe I’ve caught a mild case of ‘Taco-Typing’.
14 million bees and a truck…
http://wtop.com/?nid=681&sid=2455020
Wonder if the driver “veered off the shoulder” while swatting at a bee that was buzzing the cab.
what a sticky situtation
So that’s what all the buzz was about.
Now now. Bee nice.
What can I say? We in Idaho like our highways like we like our beat-up pickup trucks… covered in bees!
The nice person in me wants to think that they mean the babysitter can have sex (because that’s what babysitters do when in someone else’s house, duh) as long as their child is in a safe place.
The evil person in me thinks they’re looking for a sex slave to have babies to sell on the black market.
I think I watch too much Criminal Minds.
The nice person in you thinks that, but something tells me your Disdainful Cat avatar has other ideas.
“Yes, yes. Breed, my silly humans. Your spawn will form the basis of the army that I will use to take over the world! Bwahahahaha! And nobody will even see it coming! No, it’s never the kitty, the nice cute little kitty would neve-
CAN OPENER!”
*Runs off*
(O/T but it cheered me up)
I keep getting these right wing religious emails re who or what is the latest bunch of sinners. I just got and responded to one re Home Depot’s support of gay rights. I visited the linked website, and offered up a prayer in the provided spot for Home Depot. In a nutshell: I thanked God for alerting me to Home Depot’s support of gay rights, and how I will now do all my home improvement shopping there. Just before I typed “amen”, I told http://action.afa.net/item.aspx?id=2147496231 to suck my ++++.
Am I going to Hell?
Thank you, and back to your regularly scheduled snarking, already in progress.
(bboooiiinnnggg!!)
[matt]It’s good that HD is taking a stand by slinging their vote in with the gays; however, it would be even better if they would take a similar stand against the awful customer service at the majority of their stores in the Midwest.
Shopping at HD is almost as bad as shopping at Lowes these days if you happen to need help with something. I’m all for companies publicly supporting or condemning political issues in order to bolster sales; but perhaps they should be spending more time/effort/money actually improving their crappy ass service.
Just an idea for the Home Depot management should they be readers here.[/matt]
We can expect a similar post from Capn when he gets in later; we’ve had a few in-depth discussions on how we’re disgusted with HD’s hiring policy.
There aren’t any HDs in my immediate area. But I know that Lowes’ customer service is rotten, have experienced it myself.
My email/prayer was less a support of HD or anyone’s rights than a condemnation of the groups that waste time and bandwidth on that crap. They make themselves look ridiculous.
I’ve had some really bad experiences at HD and I think I may be suffering from a kind of hardware store based post tramatic stress disorder. I see anything about Home Depot and my vision goes red, I rage for about 15 minutes, then snap back into reality without remembering what it is I’ve been doing.
And the hiring policy is informed by the Store Manager Compensation plan.
The SM is paid a bonus based on how much under budget they bring the gross in per month and per quarter. And, this is without regard to which budget items get shorted.
So, maybe they cut off one of the 6-8 a/c units in the store per week. Or they force the “we can install it for you” contractors to pay usurious kickbacks.
But, mostly, they just short the payroll by never quite meeting the staffing goals. And by hiring more p/t than f/t employees to further lower the overhead costs.
So, if it takes, oh, 18 employees per shift to “by book” staff a medium-size floor plan, the Manager can “get by” only hiring 12 to 15 per shift. Which becomes even more fun when 2 of those don’t show. So, now, the kid in Lumber is also covering Plumbing, and Insulation (for the goofball who is still “on break”)–which is fine if all the help you need is based on what ins in the lumber racks. When you ask if cellulose is better than fiberglass for blown-in insulation, you are likely to hear that 2×6’s are on sale this week. Or, if you need to fix a broken toilet tonight (and it’s 2042 Sunday) but there are no 12″ long 1/2″IP to 3/8″ flexible supply lines, are there more in the store? to hear, well, the 7/16″ OSB is on sale . . . (except it’s really flake board and not suitable for your roof repair, and it’s really 10mm, not 12mm, and was mislabeled in Indonesia, but bought by the shipload by National Purchasing, so that’s what is in the store . . .
And, if any want a Serious Rant, well, the policies the big box stores let Buyers use . . .
Or the resultant Inventory Control policies . . .
Hehe…you said “blown-in”
*Ahem*
Called it.
Ahhh! No fair Muddy! You beat me to it!
Heh. “Beat me”. Heh heh.
I’ve got at least one iron in that game, and you want credit for teeing up that easy a shot? <G>
If I don’t take credit for such mediocre accomplishments, somebody else will.
I’d also jump off a cliff if all my friends were doing it.*
*Provided that we were taking adequate precautionary measures and were doing such within the bounds of the law; such as jumping into deep water or base jumping in a permitted area.
What a rebel.
Oh thanks for that link wiki-wiccan-fm. I responded in kind to that request for my comment. I’m sure they will pray on it:
Hey AFA… please refrain from speaking for families and “traditional” marriage. Keep your religion out of my Home Depot and I’ll keep my outrage at your hate-mongering intolerance out of your church. Sick and tired of religious zealots using bullshit excuses of protecting children to spew their hate agenda. Adopt a few unwanted children and channel your efforts in that direction. WWJD? He’d shop at Home Depot like any self respecting carpenter and condemn hate websites like this!
+2 internets for “like any self-respecting carpenter”
Leave it to you AR to chime in on a Jesus issue….. 😉
Of course home improvement stores are happy to have homosexuals shop there, who else is going to want all that wood?
:goes to corner, installs new wainscoting in bunker:
But seriously – this is considered an issue? The last time I bought a faucet, the guy selling it to me didn’t ask me who I had slept with the night before.
Nor did you ask him. Nor did you want to. In fact, I doubt it crossed either of your minds.
It’s not really something I think about when I’m out shopping. (Unless the person helping me is cute.)
I guess if they were engaging in sexual activities right in front of me I’d have a problem, but that would be more of a “quality of customer service” issue.
“My you boys- oh! have nice customer- wow! service these- Ah! days!”
Remember – the customer comes first.
But ya gotta have your receipt to make an exchange or get a refund.
@GC: I will never be able to look at one of those signs without giggling like an insane person.
I would think people would want gay men working at home improvement stores. I mean, how else will you know what curtains will match that paint swatch? If you want some serious interior decorating advice, would you rather talk to Bubba or Bartholomew? 😉
I really want to smack those extremest protestors with a big rainbow trout. Get it? Because they smell like fish! Yeah!
One of my friend’s exes was the handy/DIY type, and my friend was the decorating type. In the home-care area, they were a better couple than some straight ones.
And as for a little earlier up the thread, another aspect of the churchy/TP types with which I differ are the ones who, were he to attempt to visit today, would be disinclined to let Jesus into their church, what with him being foreign and inclined to manual work and therefore not of their class, after all (I have met those people).
I’m one of those right-wing, conservative TEA partiers, FM and I blocked those bucketheads from AFA a long time ago.
Of course that was after I gave them a rather large slice of my mind over some stooooopid protest they had going on…can’t remember what, but it was probably something to do with Rainbow Brite and the implications thereof.
I figure, with their fixation on all things gay and lesbian, they must be some REALLY uncomfortable and conflicted peeps.
Just sayin’.
“We are here to put a stop to these lurid, luscious men!”
Srsly…with their big
pouty lipsmouths andtight assestrashy clothes!“Their tight, oiled bodies rubbing up against each other… and… we uh… can’t stand for that. Can we? Will you all excuse me for a moment, it’s suddenly rather hot in here.”
Thank you, dear Monkey! I may have to pop over to their site and offer similar prayer. You know, married 40 years, raised 5 kids and two foster kids, and just light off with these a&&holes who rant about marriage. From those I’ve had the displeasure of meeting, most have been divorced at least once (nothing wrong with divorcing, if necessary, but don’t preach to me about sanctity and “one man and one woman), live pretty high on the hog, and take great offense if you challenge them on their hate. I think the only group that might be worse are the D-Bags from Westboro Baptist.
Concerning HD, Lowes, etc. – I’ve found the only solution to dealing with the “you want fries with that” customer-service rejects is to research, research, research – and don’t let anyone try to help you. Just leads to high blood pressure…
To your last point: Yes. I’ve stopped expecting help while at such placies. I figure out what all I need before I go, get what I need, buy it, and leave. All the while hoping that I don’t have to interact with any of the employees while I’m there.
If I hit a problem that requires assistence, I abandon my cart in the store and go somewhere else.
Only bad part about doing all your own research first is that an individual store can stymie all that in just walking through the front door.
The other bad part is that the research is good for only the Buy/Purchasing period you make it within.
Say you want some nice, basic, shop lighting for the garage. You do all your due diligence, and go in, elude the help and buy the stuff. You install it, and it works. Until the ballast on the fluorescent fixture reaches the end of its life cycle.
To then discover that the national Buyer for that store changes brands of light fixture the week you bought them to a completely different, and wholly-incompatible brand, all for a 0.1¢ discount per unit. To then have to research to find the ballast you need is only made in Uzbekistan, and only marketed through a company in Burkina Faso, which can only take orders those few hours when the national power grid is on.
But, it’s all good. The kid covering from Plumbing says so.
Somebody get that man a coffee log; unsliced. STAT!
And lots of whipped topping!
On the topic of shop lighting:
It’s also fun when you find out that the shop lights you just bought don’t have a built in pull chains because hey, who would be stupid enough to need a hanging shop light with a pull chain? You know, aside from everyone in the universe.
An extra 5 dollars and 2 hours later and you’ve finally spliced in your own friggin switch.
But I’m a chick, and I face the same dilemma in a hardware store that I do at a mechanic: If I go in by myself, they talk down to me. I did some home improvement projects by myself last summer cause Hubby was averaging 60 hours a week. And I know they laugh at me after I leave.
I asked one Home Improvement Professional what kind of sealer to put on the linoleum in the bathroom that I had painted, he told me I couldn’t paint lino. I told him I already had, what could I put on top, he said nothing. And looked at me as if I were wearing a helmet.
ADDENDUM: The paint has stayed on the lino for almost year. Take that, Mr. Know It All.
PS: To our Patrons (BBUY): I’m sorry I’ve derailed the topic today. I started this hardware/lumber store thread. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Don’t worry, we get derailed constantly.
Hey, if we don’t derail, how else can we stick it to
the manGoogle AdSense?Woo hoo! Give ’em a piece of your mind, Gramps! Preferably the one that’s over there about 3 clicks south of the medulla oblongata—it looks minty fresh!
:blush: Grampdaddy called me dear. Now I feel all giggly.
Babysitter? Babysitter. I don’t want a babysitter. Be a blood donor, that’s it! I’d like to give some blood please, wooahh!
I’m trying *really* hard to figure out what “sex” could be a typo for to make this not so dirty, but I just can’t do it.
::cries::
I think it’s a typo for Tex-Mex. They want the babysitter to rustle up some sizzling platters of peppers and beef when not watching the child/kid.
I don’t think it’s a typo so much as poor phrasing.
They don’t want “come to our place” babby sitting, they want drop-off child care at a babby-sitter’s place. And they are saying that the babby sitter will be allowed to live their own life in their own domicile, up to and including coitus.
Still wondering if the last child minder (on the “east coast”) was a dominatrix or some similar sort of less-than “normal” childcare provider, but, who was always home “days.”
Alternately the “child” in question is a 23 year-old WoW addict who lives in their basement and has never had a date. The worried, but misguided, parents are trying to hook him up with somebody who isn’t a 56 year old Kentucky man who plays a level 90 female wood-elf and pretends to be a 20 year old super-model from Brazil.
Failure is my paint, and desperation is my canvas.
Stupidity is your brush….
Experience is your turpentine…
I use a roller.
*crawls away after winning a battle against the WoWCorey that was trying to rear its ugly head* Today, we shall remain un-corey’ed!
Hitler was an amazing painter! He could do an entire appartment in one afternoon; two coats!
To be entirely fair, I have no idea what the current level cap in WoW is. I know it usually goes up 5 levels every time they introduce an expansion, but beyond that my apathy towards the subject is palpable and preventive of me finding a real number.
I only played WoW for 6 days, so my knowledge is rather limited. I know 80 was the cap for a while, but I assumed it changed with the expansion that came out last week.
*shrug*
Sorry, I’ve always been an abnormal girl
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
Igor: Then you won’t be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby… Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby Normal?
Igor: I’m almost sure that was the name.
8)
Ah yes. As I read that I could just see little Igor. And his pretty eyes.
I’ve got a girl-crush on you, mudsy!
*cheeky grin*
🙂
But, that’s precisely what we’ve always liked best about you.
(Even if you don’t come play with us on f/b <G>)
[OT]
There are few things that can make a fellow feel more self-conscious and awkward than buying a single stick of deodorant at a busy convenience mart shortly after the lunch hour.
You’re basically broadcasting to everyone in the store (whether true or not), “HI! I don’t bath regularly and find that I need to cover my stench with flowery smelling anti-perspirant! “Mountain Sport” cuts the funk better than any other scent, which is why I use it. Sadly, due to my slovenly nature and poor grooming habits, I forgot to coat myself down this morning. Due to said oversight I now smell like the inside of a dead possum; so you should probably keep a safe distance and breath shallowly through your mouth. Sorry about the lingering stench of unwashed pits, you might want to air out the store for a few hours after I leave.”
It’s also a great idea to go online and post about it in order to be LESS conspicuous.[/OT]
Don’t be ridiculous, Taco, at least you didn’t buy any Axe…that would have been completely over the top.
I was trying to cut the funk, not augment it :-P.
“There are few things that can make a fellow feel more self-conscious and awkward than buying a single stick of deodorant”
Er, I could send you on some of the shopping trips I send Hubby Monkey on. Ever been introduced to the feminine hygiene aisle?
I have. Oddly, buying tampons or pads has never bothered me. I’m always far more worried about buying the wrong type, given the plethora of styles, names, and brands available. And it got more fun when I realized that the color code is far from standardized.
Green does not always mean the same thing across all brands >.<. And two greens within the same brand can be entirely different as well.
These days though, if a man shows up at the checkout with a load of feminine products you either have a female checker, who thinks you’re being helpful/sweet, or the male checker who you can commiserate with.
A single stick of deoderant, on the other hand, tends to tell only one story: “I stink and have taken time out of my lunch break to find something to cover up said offensive odor.”
But then, I pick weird things to obsess over.
Like chewing gum?
*Hurf*
Don’t bring up chewing gum after I’m already thinking about Gramps soaking his raisins.
Ever been introduced to the feminine hygiene aisle?
Never been a problem – I just wait until someone else is in the aisle, pick up a box of tampons and announce loudly, “What the heck, there’s no size on these. How the heck are you supposed to know what size to get? Can you help me with sizing?”
Generally clears out everyone except store security.
You’re worrying about what people think of you in a convenience store? Those are the same people who buy their toothpaste next to the motor oil.
Trust me, they never smelled you over the stench of cherry Slurpees and those glistening krauts spitting grease into the bin of Krispy Kreme donuts just below the rotating grill.
You could never stink Taco…wear your Mountain Sport proudly!!!
Cannot remember the last convenience store I was in that did not already have a “funk” about it–whether from the customers or the employees. Both cohorts more confused that hygiene products can actually be used and are not just set-dressing in case an action movie scene breaks out in the store.
Ran out of toothpaste while at a convention in Atlanta. Asked the front desk clerk where the quickest/easiest place to get a travel-sized tube was.
Took a moment to process that the question “Whacha need aht fur?” was not a confusion on use, but not understanding that I’d run out.
This complicated my ability to converse, as every version of the “why it’s not calls a teeth-brush” joke was in my head like an errant wizard at a dementor’s convention.
Too cranky to snark today.
*proffers sweets and videos of humourous cats*
kelli, what’s up with that? We love you anyway, you know.
Punchity Punch Punch Grampdaddy!
p nch ty p nch p nch, k ll!
G’Night, East Coast!
Shouldn’t that have been Athens?
….just sayin’…
🙂