YSaC, Vol. 1073: But then again, no.
Uncomplete sculpture
I’m a sculter , I have several pcs that I want to give away to someone who whats to complete it cause right now I just don’t have time to do it. In this pc you see in the photo , I already spend like five hundred dollars but I don’t have time to complete it .
This pcs is like 50′ tall and maybe like 30 – 40 pounds . If you want to pick it up is yours for free but give me a nice reason to give it to you. I’ll chose a real artist to complete this art pc , casue this pc has alot of passion lots of lov in it ! SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY !
I call this piece Easter Island meets the Fish People. For being five stories tall, 30-40 pounds isn’t really that heavy. I suppose that the jauntily placed seaweed hat, chunk of Cadbury Creme Egg as a brooch, wad of industrial paper towel (disturbingly shaped kind of like the dancing chicken carcass from Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer video) at the décolletage, and the epaulette made from a piece of bubble wrap with a pink flower attached don’t contribute much to the weight of the piece.
At this point I would usually make up some pseudo-art jargon about how this piece represents man’s inhumanity to man, but that really goes without saying here.
Thanks, Kelvin!
SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY !
How are we remain serious when there are so many giggles in his posting? Fifty feet tall and only
waysweighs 30-40 pounds? What are we sculpting, whipped cream? Looking at the picture I may have guessed right.I also did not realize that sculpting was a tag team event.
Gary, the best way to get your typos edited is to be really, really nice to Windrose when she arrives. (Hint: bribing her with birdseed usually helps.)
“Sculpting” is not tag-team, but “sculting” may be, perhaps?
WHERE IS THE EDIT BUTTON? There is no way that I put ‘way’ for ‘weigh’ is there? Apparently so. Can I go to a corner or are those reserved for regulars here?
Gary, Gary, Gary…There is no whey you can get aweigh with spelling errors in the comment section. It is just unacceptable and the consequences of your actions will be wayed out accordingly. Tsk, tsk, tsk! Off to the corner with you. I suggest you speak to Taco about the seriousness of this offense. He’s the one in the lounge typing with coffee mugs.
🙂
I thought he typed with his feet.
fdssatrfnm hopioionmhg
Gesundheit.
I thought the only way to misspell “weigh” to get sent to the corner is to spell it “p e n i s.”
“p e c i l” will do it too.
Pecil will always get the job done.
*tilts heads… looks over wording…meh*
However, I didn’t want to confuse Gary any more by throwing all the opportunities available for arriving in the corner at him all at once (see how neatly I sidestepped spelling that “w” word?) . Poor man was shouting at his edit button. I thought the easier he reached the corner the first time, the faster he could avail himself of coffee slices or Lola’s flask.
Edit: Can I string my parenthetical phrases or what?
You must be one of us, Gary. I didn’t even notice the wrong word usage until you pointed it out. Although that’s probably just my Taco-genes in action again. They tend to kick in when I’ve been up all night.
I have preserved the fun of the original typo and entered the correct spelling for clarity. That will be 50 pounds of sunflower seeds, please. Just put them in the computer cup holder, and hit send. *
Holy liability, you don’t think anyone who comments here is going to actually do that, do you? I need a disclaimer, stat!
You’re such a boo-boo fixer Windy!
I’m having problems with my cup holder. Some fool put it on sideways! My coffee keeps spilling all over the place.
The oven mitts you’ve been wearing while typing probably ain’t helping. Hang ’em up, buddy. Just hang ’em up.
ewqgsdat oibvrenm nittsd?
Exactly my friend. Times two.
Windy, why is my computer shooting sunflower seeds at my forehead whenever I send an email now?
And typing with oven mitts is decidedly simpler than typing with boxing gloves on.
Wait, boxing gloves? Isn’t that for when one has impetigo?
IF, I really don’t know what you are going on about. Monkey, please!
….meanwhile, back at Area 51….
Murdoch, where is that sculpture I was working on?
Uh, Hortense….I…well, I sold it…on Craigslist.
You sold my sculpture? By the gods, why?
Well, you see..I thought what with all the biopsies and autopsies and other scientific-like stuff we have going on that you wouldn’t have time to finish it. Really, we are so busy I was doing you a favor…or so I thought.
Well, that’s just perfect, Murdoch. Juuuuusst perfect. How much did you get for it?
Did I say “sold” it? Heh..heh..yeah, well by sold I meant “gave it away”.
WHAT?
Yes, but I can explain…
You better..and quick.
You see, the person I sold it to said they would love it and call it George. Here, see he even left his card.
*Hortense takes the card from Murdoch’s outstretched hand*
Hmm…”Marvin M. Artian”..interesting name.
Yes, he was a little fellow all dressed in some kind of military garb. Kinda twitchy, too. But since he was an artiste I didn’t ask him too many questions.
….and on the Moon….
I will hold you and squeeze you and call you George….and we can sit and look at Venus together, right after I remove this planet you were trapped on with my Uranium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator…..
This is what I thought of first:
http://usersites.horrorfind.com/home/horror/blackylagoon/cblphotos1.html
Mine too.
I was going in this direction: http://www.mst3kinfo.com/?p=3982
That’s a pretty decently massive link there, FM.
Jealous? Monkey, please. 8)
And you know what they say about monkeys with massive links. You know. *wink wink*
*sigh* Well, it’s just, well, ninjas. That’s pretty much it.
@ Lola: I used that this morning on Hubby Monkey*. “Are you awake?” “Monkey, PLEASE!!!”
*This is actually a lie. I thought about it later.
FM, “Monkey, please” is totally going to come out of my mouth at some point soon. I just hope it’s not to someone who could fire me. 8)
Even worse, it’s probably an “actionable” phrase in most workplaces.
“Simian, really?” just does not ring the same way.
“Hominid, really” probably would be actionable for making HR people uncomfortable, too.
“¿Mensch, wirlich?” is aliterative (if potentially ‘spitty’); a step up from “¿Affe, wirlich?“.
<Sigh>
The piece has that look on its face because it is contemplating its impending fate in the
county landfillstudio of a real artist and SERIOUS PERSON.And this piece I call “Giant Bust What the Cat Has Been Sick Upon.”. I am not so good with names.
Subtle, yet descriptive.
I like it.
I was going to go with “Third grader who dislikes art class.”
I was going to go with “Unstable.” It seemed more appropriate than “Untitled.”
It’s an allegory. The cat represents modern consumer society.
I’m no good at art… I didn’t even see a cat. I could’ve sworn it was a schooner.
Neither is Sparky….
A schooner is a
catsailboat!I thought “schooner” was a metaphor for “lady bits”
Per yesterday, I think the title should be “SERIOUS? Monkey, please.”
Beware, monkeys fling poop when they are serious
*glances at the picture again* I’ll take that risk…
@ Lara: Y’all gotta quit with the stereotypes. Monkeys, please.
PS: I think Sparky should title the piece (or “pc”) “Blind And Off My Meds”.
Or maybe “Blind and on ‘Street Meds.'”
Dunno, looks to me more like the sort of thing that would make a hairless cat hurk up a hairball.
Only Sparki would then go: “Look, Arte!”
I’ve always been a big fan of busts; I think they are a great way to capture the essence of a
womanperson. Why take this one here-ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Err. Sorry about that, as I was saying, if you look at this piece here-
ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH! WHY WOULD A JUST AND LOVING GOD ALLOW THIS TO EXIST?!
*Ahem* Anyway, if you look at the contrasting texture and color of this piece, you can see that, though the artist was unable to complete his great work, there are hints at a deeper psychosis just waiting to emerge.
Moving on to our obsessive compulsive collection, you’ll note that it’s all in alphabetical order with subcategories of organization based on topic, size, color, content, medium, artist, date, working time, country, era, social standing, theme, genre, marital status, currently living vs. deceased, and current popularity…
And by that you mean: “The whole snark lounge.”
I think I saw this thing in a nightmare once, it had the body of a yellowfin tuna and was chasing me through a church with a feather duster.
Apparently there’s a reason you’re not supposed to drink the stuff inside a Lava Lamp.
*sets down lava lamp and wipes chin*
There is?
Supposedly. Although once you get past the minty aftertaste and the part where the walls bleed crayons, it’s not too bad.
Except for the soul-crushing nightmares.
And the anal leakage.
And whatever this thing growing out of my knee is. (I’m guessing teeth. It feels very toothy.)
what color crayons? Wall Bleeding Red?
Kind of a greenish-yellow purple color.
And I thought at first glance it was just an overflowing black bin bag. Just goes to show how wrong you can be.
I don’t think you are too far wrong, RW … simply an overflowing bin bag minus the bag.
There! Fixed it for you!
Paging the Museum of Bad Art*! I think that is where this, er, piece can be most properly appreciated.
*This actually exists. Its Wikipedia entry is hilarious.
The Somerville branch of the MoBA is just down the street from me (and is, indeed, hilarious). This, however, is not “too bad to be ignored” – it’s nearly without redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Nearly? What the heck is redeeming about it at all?
It’s impressively tall for its weight? Maybe?
It would make a nice dartboard.
Ooo, you can use it to scare the neighbor kids off your lawn!
It must be made out of marshmallow Peeps® then. 🙂
Good idea, Mudsy. Let’s stick this sculpture in the microwave and see what happens!
Doesn’t that make them get bigger?
“We’ve been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft’s okay! He’s a sailor, he’s in New York; we get this guy laid, we won’t have any trouble!
*Googles Museum of Bad Art*
OMG! Road trip! This should be where we hold our YSaC picnic! Squee!
*sits in corner, hugging knees to chest and rocking to and fro*
Can’t sleep… creepy, surprised clown will eat me…
Yes, I can totally see where the 500 dollars went.
What I’m really curious about, though, is who rides the giant bicycles whose tires you can see to the left of the 50 foot scuplture.
“Clowns From Outer Space”
Killer Klowns from Outer Space is, if memory is correct, their formal title! Actually, I don’t care what you call them, as long as it doesn’t make them get me.
KwiteOops. Quite.I thought it was Insane Klown Pus-
Ow! Corner! BandAids please!!!
I’m going to buy this and then plan a huge wedding for it and the head in the “Hello” video. It will be lovely.
Shoulder Knees!
Doors!
I imagine cheese … and glitter … and airsick bags. Yep, that’s the reception all planned!
Reception? Around here, we call that Thursday.
Hey, some people’s wedding budgets are not exorbitant. What matters is if they are happy! Even if they are inanimate and not sentient.
This “arteeeest” should have stuck with selling potions in a traveling show. Perhaps one that would calm my gag reflex.
I’m with Taco – kill it with fire!
I think we need to start up a fund where people can donate to us and we can use the proceeds to buy up horrible items from craigslist and light them on fire. Should they not burn, sledge hammers can be employed.
I know someone with a gently used explosive space modulator if you think that’ll help.
And we could sell the photos and video to raise money for more supplies!
Just got off the phone with the “arteeest”…and here’s a direct quote from him:
“I know it’s not much, but it’s the best I can do.”
Now I haz a sad.
We don’t think it’s much
But it’s the best Sparky can do
His gift is not art and
This one is poo.
The heck with “man’s inhumanity to man.”
This piece represents “man’s inhumanity to art.”
I’m going with “Man’s inability to art.”
Venkman: “Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?”
It’s a keeper. A keeper from the black lagoon.
What did Art ever do to Man?
Split ways with Paul?
Made the Afro so uncool that no one, I mean no one can pull it off anymore?
I keep reading the heading for the ad and Ralph Wiggum is in my head saying, “Uncomplete Sculpture! Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”
This looks to be from Picasso’s steaming pile of sh!t period.
I had just brought up this page when my 9 yo daughter walked in, saw it and said “Ewww…what is that?”
Good luck explaining that one, Peng.
Nightmarish blow up doll head? For giants? Giants who are blind?
It does have “alot of passion lots of lov in it!”
I’ll be in the corner.
This is one bust no man would want to stare at.
I will
burn it and stomp on the ashesgive it a good home.I have named it: “Stripper from the Black Lagoon”, because it looks like the Creature, but with overly plumped lips and a “trying too hard to be sexy” look about it.
I’m a sculter and I got this pc
Won’t you please take it from me?
It’s full of lov and passion and stuff
But it’s fifty feet tall and just won’t fit
Hmm, maybe I should have gone with I’m a sculter and I’m okay.
Helter Sculter
When I got to the bottom
I go back to the top of the slime
Then I stop and I turn and I barf on the side
‘Till it got to the bottom
Where I see puke again
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Well do you cuz I don’t have time to make it?
Come on down fast, don’t let me break it
Tell me, tell me, tell me
Come on tell me the answer
Well you must be a real artist and you must have no taste
Look out!
Helter Sculter
Helter Sculter
Helter Sculter
eBaiting is quite deservedly in the box today. If Silva had the time to illustrate that, I KNOW there would be a book deal. I could be the publicist. *psst! Somebody tell me what a publicist does!*
Windy – I think that they publiss…possibly in public…
Oh hai corner!
Darn, I’m under court orders not to do that any more.
It’s only ‘breaching your bail conditions/ASBO/restraining order’ if you get caught. Trust me,* I’m a lawyer.**
*Don’t.
**I’ve always thought this sentence was oxymoronic.
It’s an incomplete scupture of Admiral Ackbar and
It’s A Trap!
Sparky was inspired by Munch’s “The Scream”. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), Mrs. Sparky was inspired by the need of a heavy object to help weigh down her new compost pile before the storm came in.
Ok, [construction background corey]
If this is 50 feet tall, let’s presume a non-distorted lens on the camera and call it 10 x 10 feet square at the base.
10 x 10 x 50 is 5000 cubic feet.
Since some is sculted away, let’s use 0.62 for a form factor.
That’s 5000 * 0.62 for 3100 c.f.
We will take Spark’ at their word and use 35#.
35 ÷ 3100 is 0.01129 pounds/cf, or 0.18 ounces per cf.
Lowest density expanded foam is 1.3#/cf
Oxygen is 0.0892 #/cf, so Spark’ has sculted some serious ugly out of trace gasses.
If we correct the presumed error, and call this “object” 12 x 12 x 50″ that’s 7200 cubic inches, or 4.16 cf; applying form factor gives 2.58 cf.
35 ÷ 2.58 gives 13.56#/cf which is about the weight of charcoal of solid cork.
Which could explain ever so much about this eyesore.
[/corey]
[financial corey]
Spark’ wants us to believe 500 dollars are invested in 3 cubic feet?
Like 170 dollars a cubic foot?
Monkey, really?
Maybe in Zimbabwe dollars (ZWR 300,000,000,000,000 to the USD before currency was suspended).
“Monkey, really?”
Yes! It evolves! Maybe I’ve given birth to a meme! Watch out for the placenta!
We can make a teddy bear out of it!
Ghostie, I thought you were making that up. Warning: do not google “placenta teddy bear”.
If you were a member of the YSaC Facebook group you’d already know that.
Now there’s an incentive to join!
jg, tell me what else it would take, and I will see what I can do!
I keep seeing this as one of those gestalt figures that change while you’re looking at them. I either see “The Scream”, or I see Will Shakespeare. Of course, both of them have been puked on.
eBaiting, wish you had returned today. I’ll send you an e-mail with your Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Reginald Dwight!
(ooh, that rhymes! 8) Sure Happy It’s Thursday Tomorrow.)
If you’re going to sculpt an ugly piece of carp, do it right.