YSaC, Vol. 1098: That is all I’m standing on today.
2011 October 12
Looking for Free Clean Dirt
Looking for FREE clean dirt to level off my backyard. If you have any please e-mail me with your location. Thank you
Boy, like my OCD NEEDED more encouragement.
“Yep, got this cubic yard of dirt right here you can have. Just let me finish getting it clean. Wait, no, that’s still dirty. Hang on… Maybe if I just scrub this part here a little bit more… No, that’s not it. Look, maybe you better come back tomorrow.”
Thanks for the link, David!
(PS – It turns out there actually IS such a thing as “Clean Dirt.” Who knew?)
Clean dirt=When you fine out she wasn’t cheating on you with the gardener.
Clean dirt = When your slash campaign is based on your opponent forgetting to bring something to show-and-tell when they were 7.
Sigh…first the all-too-familiar yard “fernitour” from yesterday and now a reference to the also-quite-familiar “clean dirt”…
I am a redneck, aren’t I?
Wait, don’t anser that.
*Looks at his DVD shelf made out of zip ties and milk crates*
Oh Gods, I think I am too!
I have a book shelf like that… wooden fruit crates nailed together
*looks at her comments in yesterday’s YSaC edition, falls to knees, hands to sky*
Nnnnoooooooo!
Save the Noooooooo for the Special Edition. Just give the camera a Monkey, Please look and do what you’re going to do.
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with y’all.
*spits in the dirty dirt*
Spittin’ don’t bother me none, D/DM, it’s the blowin’ yer nose straight on the ground – even if it’s dirty dirt – that I’m kinda particklar about. It’s called a hanky! Use it!
Ah, the old Hunter’s Hawk. Seen my pa do it many a time.
I believe our local label was “farmer blow” because it was not uncommon for them to do the same when they came into town as they did on the farm. :/
I only blow my nose on my collar, what you take me for, some uncUTHe person??
*I don’t have no sleeves to blow my nose on*
*Holds up hand*
Uh, I knew. If only because I was raised on yardwork and spicy tacos.
Same here, except for the spicy tacos. We were an “anything fried, with rice and gravy” sort of family.
Spaghetti night was an … unique experience.
And apparently it’s serious business.
Rules for Identifying Clean Dirt to Be Considered
Similarly:
Rules for identifying wood.
*Looks at sender of link. Does NOT click link*
Damn my overwhelming curiosity!
:closes eyes, clicks link:
Please let it be a baby otter.
*CLICK* Oh…HAHAHAAAHAAAHAAA! Good one, Taco.
How would one go about cleaning dirty dirt? Hum.
1. Advertize dirt cleaning service
2. Do SQUAT to the dirt
3. Declare dirt clean, charge customers
4. Profit!
Weren’t there yard vacuums in one of the very old posts on here? If so, use one of those.
But who vacuums the vacuums?
Only a sucker.
There’s a vacuum born every minute.
Rorsuck.
Only clean dirt? So I couldn’t send him any from, say, a superfund site? Maybe if I left off the D… it’s not clean, but it is superfun!
“Dirt so clean, it glows!”
Get an endorsement from the Toxic Avenger, and you’re there.
There are people roaming the streets in my town, yelling:”Any Rags, Any Bones, Any Clean Dirt?”
Dirt is Dirty spread all over your yard,
In small piles and under your lawn,
Every day you pick it up and scrub it real hard,
Scrub, but the dirt isn’t gone,
You scrub the little stones
The bits of debris
and dirt that won’t seem to clean
Detritus quite dirty
Leaf litter so smudged
All it takes is scrubbing from you!
Clean the dirt, scrub it with rags,
Scrub it, scrub it, scrub it with rags.
Clean the dirt, with bleaching supplies
Gathered around people all wonder why.
All around the garage and the moulding gazebo,
You clean it all ’til you hurt
It all seem quite tragic
That it, as if by magic,
Is once again covered in dirt.
Clean it all, and clean it anew
Washing, Rinsing, and picking off goo,
Clean the dirt, scrub it with rags,
Scrub it, scrub it, scrub it with rags.
New from Obsessco, the company that brought you that holiday sensation, Kris Kringle’s Needle Extraction MicroForceps for Carpets, it’s the Dirt-Cleaning Kit Deluxe!
Your Deluxe Kit comes with twelve gallons of our patented HydroKleen Solution – made of pure dihydrogen monoxide! – as well as an applicator bottle, Debris Sorting Tweezers, and three gross of our triple-sterilized cotton swabs.
All this and more could be yours for only eight payments of $19.99!*
Order yours today! Operators are
removing dust from their phone handsets with toothpicksstanding by!* Plus shipping and handling.
I’m hearing this read in the Sham Wow guy’s voice.
Not until I hear him mention Germans.
“”…you know the Germans always make good dirt…”
Are those dirt cleaning products you see on late-night TV not working? Does Obsessco’s founder make you physically ill just looking at him? Are you tired of your dirt coming out of the wash and still being dirty?
Well fret no more! Scamco has revolutionized dirt cleaning with our new oxy-action dirt purifying solution, “Un-dirt!” With these normal cleaners you have to scrub, rinse, scrub, tumble, polish, rinse, scrub, and blowdry to get your dirt even partially clean. But with our new “Dirt De-dirtyifying” technology, you can get your dirt sparkling clean with just one application! Just slip your dirty dirt into a large garbage sack and add 3 gallons of Un-dirt. Next, place on the curb-side for 1 week to let Un-dirt soak in. Like magic, in a week or less all the dirt will be removed from the dirt! *Shows an empty trash-can*
Now, you may expect to pay upwards of $1,000 an ounce for Un-Dirt, which would be entirely reasonable. But today, we’re going to tell you that you won’t pay even half that. Not even $250; not even $100. No sir! You can get 26,000 gallons of Un-dirt for just 4 easy payments of $25.99.
But wait, there’s more! If you buy right now we’ll quadruple your order for free! Yes, that’s right, over 7 metric tons of Un-dirt for just 4 easy payments of $25.99. But we won’t stop there! Order in the next hour and we’ll throw in a free CD compliation of Accordian Music Through the Ages, yours free for ordering now!
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! If you order before I finish this paragraph, we’ll give you 24 acres of moon property, a tub of vintage crisco, a bee attracting kit for your truck, backstage passes to the Hammond Orgon festival, and an authentic replica of the world’s first dry-erase marker! ALL of it yours for just 4 easy payments of $25.99.
“My name is Sparkles McSparklington VII, and I fully endorse this product. Not only am I a rediculously wealthy idiot, but I’m also better than all of you suckers.”
Call now, operators are holding their bladders waiting for your call!
Are they holding their bladders inside or outside of their bodies?
TM – you got the door for the CD Accordion Music Through the Ages. Nearly dropped my G&T giggling at it.
Is it bad that I want a metal detector for my carpet? This is actually a step forward for me, you’d understand if you saw my carpet.
Lara, the people who owned my parents’ house before they did used my room for crafts and were apparently not fussy about spilling picture hooks, cup hooks, nails, upholstery tacks, etc., onto the shag carpet (and God help me if I ever dropped anything like jewelry onto it … it took forever but I did find everything, in my panic) so that I could later discover them by lying on the floor to do homework, etc. (Algebra was even more painful than it needed to be.) This despite weekly vacuuming. The problem never abated until we replaced the carpet, so I can all too easily imagine (ouch!) why you’d want a metal detector for carpeting!
I’m envisioning you standing up and looking like a pro wrestler after a hardcore match, but instead of being stuck with thumbtacks or barbed wires, it’s earring hooks and and upholstery tacks!
Weird metal-things-on-carpets story. About 8 years ago we moved into a rented house where the previous tenants had been a little untidy (and broken quite a few things). They’d managed to break the door off one of the kitchen cupboards, but we said we’d fix it at some stage. The landlords had the whole ground floor recarpeted a few days after we moved in, and a week or two later I found a very small screw in the middle of the living room carpet. No idea where from. When Jeremy decided to fix the cupboard door he discovered a screw was missing – a very small one. Turns out to be the screw I found lying on a brand new carpet in a different room. We decided the house was haunted and the ghost knew we’d be needing that screw. Seemed the only logical explanation.
That poltergeist has been stealing my act!
What else did he do? Red panties in the white wash? Slowly hide all your spoons? Remove your car keys, then after you’ve been looking for them for an hour put the keys back in the first place you looked?
Totally stealing my thunder.
CJ and Slash in the box, my friends. Throw some coffee slices in for them, would ya?
Make mine a double, ‘k?
And I’ll have butter on my slice, please. None of that margarine crap.
I’ll give you the good stuff, D.
*Slathers the coffee slice with a glaze of rendered fat-back and high-fructose corn syrup.*
I’ll have what I’m having.
I’ll have what you’re not having.
..and I’ll not have what you’re not having and not have what Taco’s not having, and…well, basically…um…did I mention I like pie?
No snark today. Tiny bear dog has moved on to the tiny bear afterlife.
🙁
Sorry to hear that Camille. Hugs from Wisconsin.
Piling on the love from the Midwest.
…another pile from the Midwest.
I’m so sorry to hear that Camille.
So sorry.
:tears:
So sorry, Camille. 🙁
So sorry hon. At least Tiny Bear Dog isn’t hurting or feeling yucky anymore. Big Big Hugs.
Oh, no! So sorry to hear it, Camille.
Oh, Camille. Big hugs for tiny bear dog’s memory. 🙁
Awww, sorry 🙁
So sorry, Camille. Big hugs from Indy.
So sorry (hugs)
Big hugs from UK via Canary Islands
Oh, camille! I am soooo sorry! Hugs to you, hon.
🙁 Doggy’s take the Rainbow Bridge, right? That sounds really pretty and like it goes to a really good place. So many hugs for you across the wires.
So sorry, Camille. Our thoughts are with you.
So sad to hear of your loss
We love them more because we know they are with us for such a short time. Every moment is golden, every memory precious. My dog’s been gone 9 years now, and I still have her collar and leash. My very deepest sympathy, camille, and ((HUGS)) too.
Oh, I’m so, so sorry for your loss. *HUGS*
I’m really sorry to hear that 🙁
My dog is old (13) and I’m dreading the day I’ll lose her.
hugs from Massachusetts
So sorry. Hugs from California.
Camille, I am so sorry you lost your sweet bear dog. 🙁
So sad, so sorry. Hugs.
EDIT: Supposed to go under Camille’s comment. Oops.
CLEAN ALL THE DIRT!!!
Clean ALL the dirt???? 🙁
No…INTERNET FOREVER!!!! 🙂
All your DIRT are belong to us.
Next up:
Wanted: Dry water to level off my swimming pool.
Hey, if you buy yourself a food dehydrator and fill it with water you can make your own dry water at a fraction of the price of commercial dry water.
I bought a can of powdered water once. Guess what the directions said to add to it?
Ethanol?
Tequila?
Stolen pee?
There’s no such thing as stolen pee, Taco. Pee is always, ALWAYS governed by the law of Finders Keepers.
Touché.
Also: ew.
[corey] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dry_water [/corey]
I was actually wondering who would be the first to post that or a similar link to something I knew existed. 😉
This would totally ruin the towel industry.
I doubt that. There is probably always someone who needs some alone time and doesn’t prefer t-shits.
*corner*
Hey, are you trying to break my “in the corner” record?
Hammy, do you have the box and the corner confused? (I mean, you are a puppy.)
They aren’t the same?
Never mind …
*puts down fresh newspaper, sprays Lysol, opens window*
i need this guys number cause ever time i showers the seement ditch out front is chock full of clean dirt
[OT Type=”Geeky”]
Only 25 more weekday posts until we rock the Fibonacci!
[/OT]
I wonder if I can get some dirty soap from the same place you get the clean dirt. I’m done almos outta that there dirty soap.
The term used around here is “clean fill.” This means no demolition debris, broken plumbing pipes and fixtures, old lawn furniture, rusty auto parts, dead bodies, small children, presidential candidates, etc.
You do not want your yard to become a toxic waste site; if you know about any contamination it has to be disclosed to potential buyers. Realtors are not happy about people standing near houses calling out “Unclean, Unclean….”
CJ, D/DM, please accept this highly valuable Punchity Punch Punch. I think they are going for 2 tubs of cereals on the intertubes.
G’Night, Sterling, Colorado!