YSaC, Vol. 1128: Am Virginia. Am NOT Virginia.
2011 November 23
ref:NEED A MODEL AXL BROUGHT TO LA k-falls to la
Dont trust marc or the seller guy dick seems like they have same plans or samething
I drive 100 miles awey from my route to pick up this axle well i was 10 miles awey when Marc call me amd say am sorry i dont have money n i talk to Dick already so he dont give u the axle Am sorrySo hows gonna pay for the gas i expend
Ppl dont trust this 2 they r a pair of rip off guys Take it from some one that trust them dont make the same miss take i didAm virginia am not afraid of ASS Hoooo like Marc
Remember, in the immortal words of someone or other, “The only thing we have to fear is an ASS Hoooo like Marc. Oh, and bears. Those are pretty scary.”
Thanks, JB!
One question: Is the model Axl skinnier than the current version?
http://www.uproxx.com/music/2011/10/meme-watch-fat-axl-rose/#page/1
Yeah, but he’s still the biggest ASS Hoooo in ROCK n Roooo!
“the seller guy dick ”
*monkey scratches chin, looks pensive*
I know there’s a dirty joke right there, just can’t extract it.
“ASS Hoooo” – I imagine that’s the sound that an ASS makes in it’s natural habitat. Or – Have you ever blown over the open mouth of a beer bottle to make it hoot? Can you do that with an ASS?
And you know how the pitch of the “hoot” is different depending on how full the bottle is? Wonder if that applies the same to an ASS.
(Sorry, my mind started down this path and I can’t make it stop so I thought I would share.)
That may have been a miss take.
Blow over an ass – at once very funny yet very disturbing. Thanks FM, you have given me a great reason for a morning visit with friend José Cuervo…..
You’re very welcome. I am a helper.
Pass the Jose this way when you’re done.
‘Course, what was I thinking! Here’s a batch of Tequila Sunrise (Tequila Sunsrise?) for everyone in the lounge. Good morning all……..
“amaneceres de la tequila”
Yo útiles son.
Who’s afraid of Virginia ASS Hoooo?
ASS hoos of loudon?
(poor Warren Z . . . )
Have you ever wondered why people with same plans all seem to do samething? Here I am Virginia, driving 100 miles off my route while I’m on the clock just to pick up an axle from this Dick, and boy, what a miss take that was. Long story short, ASS Hooo and Dick got the axle and I got the shaft. But I’m not scared of ’em.
Mama always said, “Son, that don’t make no sense. Put it on the Graigs List.” So that’s what I done.
Okay, I have read way too much fanfiction – I can almost understand that.
You need some Harry Harrison, or a Laumer Retief story, Stat!
Luckily I carry The Stainless Steel Rat around with me for just such an occasion.
Oh, that would be a great yearly book assignment for the YSaC Book Clulb! 8)
One day I’m going to have a pair of male rats called Bolivar and Slippery Jim. One day.
No Angelina?
“Bill the Galactic Hero”, anyone?
I would drive 100 miles, and I would drive 100 mo-
YOU DON’T HAVE THE MONEY?!
You, know what has to happen now. Yup, Tony thumbs is gonna come by your place with a hammer. He’s gonna sit at your computer, and write you some passive aggressive hate mail on Craigslist. I hope you’re satisfied with yourself.
I’m not sure why he always brings the hammer when he does that.
Impact maintenance.
Wow, that’s what happens when Taco tries to grammar this early in the morning.
I’ll be over there… hiding from AR.
Grammar ASS eyed, proops for entertainingness.
Now I have an earworm, Taco (it beats the suicide-tempting “Last Christmas” by Wham! that I acquired while getting my breakfast, so I won’t complain) …
“I would drive one hundred miles
And I would drive one hundred more
Just to be the ass hooooo talked to Dick* …”
And then, at this point, I keep blacking out, so take it “awey,” Sparky!
*Mind: corner
Lola,
Whenever I get tempted toward suicide by “Last Christmas,” I try to replace it with “A Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney. And then I die.
I hear you. I’m a longtime Beatles fan, but firmly believe that all copies of that song, including the master tapes, should be burnt and the ashes shot into space.
Eeek! Now have a mix of Big Country, Two Tons of Steel, and 1100 Springs rattling around in my head like some sort of hangover-nitemare of too many bad cover bands after 4-for-1 tequila nite at the 4waTt . . .
Here in Japan, they don’t really have a “Christmas season”, since it’s not really the same sort of buygasm it is in the U.S., but they do have a “Last Christmas season”. There’s like ten versions of that auditory atrocity and they play them non-stop in every store for the duration of December.
All the major musical styles are represented, such as bad English and worse Japanese. Also, you know what goes perfect with bleeding ears? A traditional Christmas cake and, I kid you not, chicken from KFC.
Hurry! You need to place your order by November 30th!
http://www.kfc.co.jp/xmas/campaign.html
Meet Virginia.
Well she wants to be the queen
Then she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
“I don’t really wanna be queen”
Her daddy wrestles alligators
Mama works on carburetors
Her brother is a fine mediator
For the president
Sorry I have nothing more original today, but I’ll be back later. You have been warned. 8)
I’m glad I’m not the only one who immediately thought of that song.
Yes, Virginia, Marc is an ASS Hoooo
Alternatively: No, Virginia, there is no axle.
Bless you.
I heard somebody sneeze in the lounge.
T’was me. I’ll clean it up.
PS: Thrilled to see the sweet gecko. Squeee!
Virginia felt a rumbling in his pocket. He pulled out his secret smart phone and looked at it. Marc was calling.
He’d been dreading this call. He thought for a moment about what he’d say. He glanced in his rear view mirror.
There had been six kids left on the bus when he’d seen the ad. He was sure that the trip to pick up the axle wouldn’t cause any suspicious delay, and he could really use an extra fifty dollars in his pocket.
But something had gone wrong. By now, he figured he had driven about a hundred miles, and he still had no idea where he was going. There were five kids left. He hadn’t looked back when things got noisy. He assumed they had eaten the sixth kid, but he could disavow knowledge of that fact if he didn’t see it happen.
He took a deep breath and answered the phone. “Yello?”
“Vergine,” the caller said.
“Yep, this is Virginia.”
“Vergine, it’s Marc. Am sorry to tell you, but dont hev munney. I am talk to Dick, he will not give axle.”
“What? But how you gon’ pay fer my gas? I done droven a hunnert miles!” Virginia shouted.
“Am sorry, Vergine.”
Virginia shouted, “ASS Hooooo!”
That spelling of “asshole” reminds me of the kid from Meet the Parents…
I can hear Marc’s Soul Coughing from here.
Infected Soul could be a My Chemical Romance cover band.
If only there were a word you could call a guy who screwed you over whose name is Dick…
Pecil?
That’s close. It’s a hard on to come up with the right word.
Cock.Peter Johnson?
Richard Head?
You mean this thing?
http://www.ebay.com/itm/ORIGINAL-OOAK-HANDBUILT-POTTERY-PRESENTING-MR-RICHARD-HEAD-GLAZED-TERRA-COTTA-/160686925591?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item2569afe717
Was this in “Missed Connections”?
If you’re referring to neural connections, then I’d say it belongs there.
I tend to presume poor neural connection equates to CL in the whole. That any exceptions are no more than statistical outliers in the (lim 0)SD²(lim infinty) range.
This makes no sense. I’m going back to bed.
I suspect this is the most sane response possible. Sleep well!
This post needs an AssHoot tag don’tcha know.
Well of course Virginia ain’t afraid of Marc. After all he’s just a big Pennsylvania.
First time punchee valerie, and long time punchee CoffDrop! Happy Thanksgiving! Eat lots of turkey so the bruises won’t show. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, LA k-falls to LA!