Well, lookie here – the odometer has turned over another nice round number!
Indoor plant with vase – $30
Indoor plant with vase
Firm Price $30/each
$50 for two
Call 562-###-#### Gilbert
Indoor plant, you say?
Why, I bet they’re not even housebroken!
Thanks for the link Ms. Marvel!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
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| 2794: The pale rider saga – Chapter 2 part 2 | Library of the Damned on Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all! […] Ah, the good ol’ dinning table. […] | |
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No thanks..last time I saw any kind of fauna with such gnarly branches there were ghosts inside the television.
OK – very British corey here – MCC = Marylebone Cricket Club = THE organisation that sets all the cricket rules for the whole world (very Empire). end of British corey. http://www.lords.org/mcc/about-mcc/
So WTF they are doing selling plants I’ve no idea.
PS if I send in 50c can I please have the wheelchair tyre?
PPS does indoor mean something else where Sparky lives? These seem to be outdoors and, almost, deceased (or, at a bare minimum pining for the fyords)
Back home, it was Manchester Community College, which is still my association with the acronym…
Well, OCC is old corrugated cardboard in my line of work.
The only thing I can come up with is Manky corrugated cardboard.
Moldy? Mildew-laden? Mousetastic?
They do look rather unwell. A few minutes on Google (because I am a plant nerd) suggests they are braided money trees, in which case Sparky has failed to train the one on the right properly. Also, as houseplants, they’re usually bonsai. I suspect they’re dead/dying because at that size, they should really be in the ground.
The pots are quite nice, though. In an “I’d have them in the garden, but not in the house” kind of way.
Money trees?? I take back what I said before.
Oh and mom…you’re a liar.
Bonsai have to have their roots trimmed once or twice a year to keep them healthy. It looks like Sparky neglected them so long most of the upper branches died. I don’t think a quick trim and selling them off will save them at this point. Although if the price was a LOT lower I would buy them just for the pots.
Those plants are really a cut above the rest.
I think Gilbert is on the very cutting edge of horticulture.
More like slash and burn…
*Gilbert* *snickers*
*Gerberts* *Milkyway*
*gambits**100 grand*
*Goobers* *seventy-five cents*
*Gomer* *tuppence*
They laughed at Gilbert when he brought his pet sticks in for Show and Tell – laughed at him! Well, he would show them all! He would build an empire – a pet stick empire – and rub their grubby little faces in his success!
But first he had to get someone to buy one of the damned things. No one wanted to buy a Pet Stick, so he decided to change the name. And yet his Indoor Plants remained unsold. Maybe if he offered a discount if they bought more than one, that always worked when the Gas ‘n Gulp had a sale on Hot Pockets.
With his new Hot-Pockets-based business plan jotted down on a napkin, he sat down to write the perfect CraigsList ad. Something classy and sophisticated that would attract a high class clientele. Gilbert had another brainstorm – he would call the pots vases! (Because everyone knows that vases are just all kinds of classy.)
Gilbert posted the ad, leaned back into his comfortable nest of empty Hot Pocket boxes, and waited for the calls to pour in.
Jim Gaffigan just snickered at that.
♫♫ hot pockets….♫♫
*Ring ring*
Me: “Hello sparky, I’m calling about your…err..indoor plant.”
Sparky: “Yes, what would you like to know?”
Me: “Well, it appears to be an OUTDOOR plant?”
Sparky: “Shhhh, keep you voice down Grams will hear.”
Me: “So…”
Sparky: “You see when Gramps passed we didn’t have room in the house for Grams…so…well…we put her and her wheelchair in the backyard…since she can’t see well she thinks we are just terrible house keepers and the roof leaks a lot.”
$50 for two $30 plants? What do you think I am, some kind of idiot? I’ll give you $70 and not a penny less!
Didn’t you mean: …and not a peony less!
??? Hmmm ???
😀
Leave mine hors out of this.
Oh, sorry. I thought you said “pony.”
😀
Apparently Mr. Gottfried needs to make some money after losing his job as the voice of the Aflac duck.
If he can fake a British accent, he could find work as a Dalek.
True story: a friend of mine has her GPS set to the voice of a Dalek. It is hilarious. It says things like, “turn right, human!”
My navigo says turn right on Aspen doctor instead of drive.
I’ve got mine programmed to sound like Yoda, it says things like “At your destination you have arrived.”
Audrey II: ♫♫ Feed me!
Seymour: Does it have to be human?
Audrey II: Feed me!
Seymour: Does it have to be mine?
Audrey II: Feeeed me!
Seymour: Where am I supposed to get it?
Audrey II:Feed me, Seymour
Feed me all night long – That’s right, boy! – You can do it! Feed me, Seymour
Feed me all night long
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Cause if you feed me, Seymour
I can grow up big and strong. ♫♫
(or until Sparky decapitates and kills me)
I’m down with OPP – Old Potted Plants, that is.
These are terrible plants. I had one in the audience while I sold Two-Handled Family Credenzas, and he didn’t clap or offer to buy two, or anything. (Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!)
Because it wasn’t true entertainment.
That’s because free entertainment must go.
The one on the left looks vaguely like a grapevine that has lost its raisin d’être.
That was Gilbert’s grapes.
Woot! (place name here) is in the box! (S)he’s my favorite Ishian!
Not me, man. I’m tired of (place name here) bogarting the box all the time.
Feeling a little canTankerous today?
That’s what happens when you get Tanked on Thursday night.
Only Mr. Tank gets to be Tanked. (He’s traditional like that.)
If only the grass was in as sorry a state of mind as these plants must be, we’d never need lawnmowers again.
But you’d go broke paying for all their counseling.
Well, since free contraceptives is a right now, you can hire someone to pick out all of the seeds. Then your grass will feel better. and it won’t cost you anything.
I find that a giant lawn condom is effective enough for me.
Good idea, you wouldn’t want your lawn catch crabgrass.
Crabgrass…the STD of Red Fescue….
Move along, nothing to see here.
*twirls mustache*
Hmm…
Those plants look like they’re pining for love! No?
They look like the survivors from a Nightmare on Elm Street movie!
Tree puns are hard (on).
Edit: I love the MS paint application. Now if only I was better at art.
Completely OT, but I was going through the archives and I believe there’s a spammer on Nacho Ordinary Fountain. It’s about halfway down the page. Just figured someone would like to know, and maybe get rid of it.
haqswit;s jusxt azspabot tryoi olujt solmje mjug typingl.
*Naw, it’s just a spambot trying out some mug typing.
Who wants a plants that eats the indoors?
These plants need warning tags, but they’d probably eat them.
In best Jim Mora voice: “Vases? Vases?!?! Are you kidding me – vases?”
That’s like trying to sell a utility sink and calling it a Jacuzzi.
PS – I tried posting earlier and kept getting errors, but that was from my phone. I’m glad I made it in time to share the box with (place name here), since he/she is hilarious. Rumor has it that (place name here) has picked up some plants to help redecorate. I’m sure they’ll be lovely. Or very, very….brown.
I used to work in Chicago
in a department store.
Behind a flower counter
a lady came in the door.
She said she wanted a flower
I asked what kind she’d like.
Potted she wanted,
potted she got.
I’ll never work there anymore.
Potted, so potted.
They asked me how she got potted.
I used to work in Chicago.
I’ll never work there anymore.
Perfect gift for the headless horseman
MandaB and (place name here), congratulations and Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Green Acres!