# YSaC, Vol. 1254: Sparky action at a distance

## I NEED HELP ON A TEST RIGHT NOW

ANYONE GOOD IN MATH

Hey does anyone know how to do this please help and just email a picture of it with the work shown I’d appreciate I could even pay you after class or something idk I just don’t wanna fail this test.

Email me or txt if your good in geometry and I’ll send u a picture of the work.

OK, Sparky. I’m pretty damn good in math. Let me give you some proof. Here’s my answer to one of MY homework problems this year. (Note: This is true.)

Now, I worked my ASS off to pull a decent grade in this class. (Note: also true.) I spent more time on this class in a given week than I’ve spent on some jobs. Now, neglecting the fact that I still have the handwriting of a four-year-old, (Definitely true – drmk) this IS, in fact, the correct answer.

So am I going to help your sorry ass cheat because you can’t even remember how to spell “π”?

No. But I tell you what – you can feel free to use that answer above. It’s definitely the right answer. Probably not for your question, but I really don’t care. In case you’re wondering, it’s from the upcoming Matt Damon hit movie, “The Born Sommerfeld Quantization Condition.”

Thanks for the link, Johanna!

The son of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Pie are round; cornbread are squared.

It’s a sine of the Times.

Q.E.D.

Oh those crazy Latinos, always using their dead language to conclude their demonstrations!

Nudges Kwed off to one side, takes up chalk, bravely faces chalkboard . . .

f(x) where

x =

1 –

(factorial

(differential (>lim 0) (E1->T2; C1<C2 ~ X(sub

e) + y(super X) *e)[bunch of scrawled Greek Characters, like Demosthenes, and Iogene, ‘yknow like a chorus]

)expt (1 – some number)

ratio1.0

against

At least it wasn’t the ethics class this time.

I would show you my work, but the dog ate it.

LL, you don’t have a dog. Anymore. Unless you mean Hammy.

Did Hammy eat my homework? Bad dog ! No tummy rubs for you.

A mathematician called Babbit

Put some quite simple sums to a rabbit.

The rabbit replied

“I must learn to divide;

With me multiplication’s a habit.”

*raises hand*

Ooo, I know, I know!

*tap tap tap tap tap on catulator*

The answer is “cheese”.

I think both Pythagoras and Shakespeare are weeping in their graves right now at how humanity has devolved. Or idk, maybe they ain’t.

*shakes spear*

You kids like, totally get out of my mangroves and some junk!

I’m like, trying to learn from you old people, you know? I want to have like some culture too.

Pythagorath would be pithed at the pathetic people’th mythunderthtanding of hith theorem.

(Thorry about that, I could only afford an irregular keyboard. It hath no eth.)

Igor’th gotht hath thneaked into thyberthpathe! Thuper! kithethth from me x

Sparky: Stop looking for your “x.” Just accept that she is gone and move on.

Poor Sparky, some fellas just can’t handle getting divided from someone they love. He’s doomed to spend the remainder of his days alone.

I know! How many x’s can she break his heart! I think if he just moves on it will be a big plus for him.

In the cartoons, the rye & rotgut has tres equis “XXX” and the ‘good stuff’ quatro equis “XXXX” so’s you know the difference.

‘Course, you get to four exes, and you’ve left Ross behind and are on your way to being Larry King . . .

I will show my age and say Mickey Rooney. 8)

I would love to email you the answers, but unfortunately my cat ate my computer. Attached is a picture of my cat, feel free to X-ray the photo to read the answers.

I like pi.

I’m more of a tau guy myself. It’s very zen.

No love for e? Or are there no economists in the audience?

Well, I’m a home economist. Want a cupcake?

I used to be an economist then I took the cure! Now I’m a management consultant (groan!)

I like $

I like f(x) where x = 1 : (1 + x!)

But, I’ll probably not see good odds with that.

I don’t like Δ.

(Don’t Even Leave The Airport)

Dear Sparky,

Isoscoles what you tried to do, thinking you’re acute.

You with your obtuse angle.

Did you really think me so decagon as to accept your money, even node it was wrong?

Were I to go to extremes I’d report your null set to the hierarchy.

You’d probably land in oblique prism for a really long time.

As it is I’ve got a rhombus to catch, so I’ll let you off with a warning this time.

Geometrically Yours,

Poly Hedron

Free all the body diagrams!

Just remember there, Sparky, if math were easy, it’d be your mom.

Now I wish I’d pay more attention in my various classes that had to do with numbers and such. 8/ I’ll just be over here with the other slow students.

Well, having moved over 50 times before graduating from high school, I have a few holes in my education. I never got Trigonometry. Sin is half a sinus, cosin is what your parents do so you can buy your first car (this did not happen), and tangent is a really polite guy that spends alot of time on the beach.

Wait, I tot a cosin was what yur mom’s udder brodder’s kidz was calt?

Naw, dat’s a brodder-in-law.

My ex-brother-in-law is now my nephew. He’s older than me.

My uncle, who is now my brother, is younger.

(none of this is my fault)

Sounds like an episode of

Jerry Springerjust waiting to happen.Gno, cosin izwatcha do win yer pros haz culerful meta 4s.

Edit: dis wuz suposta go unner windy

Hey, hey! Watch it there, Fox!

Brer put his paw in his mouth.

*heehee*

Us bookish folk just can’t catch a break.

*breaks open a KitKat bar*

*tosses pieces to ghostcat*

Here you go ghosty.

He chose CraigsList over Facebook because this way he can stay anonymous. Sparky is a very clever cheater. (Well, except for the fact that he seems to be posting his cry for help while sitting IN class taking the test… Talk about waiting until the last minute!)

Well, dude, he didn’t know what the questions were going to be until he saw the test. Doyyyy…

Well, dude, he didn’t know what the problems were going to be until he saw the test.

FIFY

Unless the problems are story problems, then you get questions.

Given [math problem], solve for [answer]

Student: Huh?

Okay, that’s why there are tests in the first place. There is a question whether said student can solve a problem.

I apologize, you are correct.

Sparky’s story problem:

If the Papa Bull eats three bales of hay per day, and the Baby Bull eats one bale of hay per day, How much does the Mama Bull eat?

TARANTULA STAMPEDE!

Not so doyyy. Even without knowing the questions, he could have sought out a cheating partner beforehand, instead of hoping one might be wandering through CraigsList at the moment of his testing.

Would be sadder is the school’s router blocked f/b but

allowedCL . . . <sigh>Heh, that’s my set up at work exactly.

Mine blocks f/b and CL, but I can still view CL if I type in the city page ([location].craigslist.org) instead of the main page.

Let me see if I can help.

for a=2, b=5:

5x^2+10xb-3ax-6ab=10x^2+19ax-15a^2

(5x-3a)(x+2b)=(5x-3a)(2x+5a)

x+2b=2x+5a

x+10=2x+10

x=2x

1=2

Ah, crap.

No, you just forgot that

3ax-6ab=10x^2

simplifies to toucans

and that

x+2b=2x+5a = salmon mousse

Unless in Metric, when the conversion is Macaw and Sockeye Mice.

hey sparks, fuggettaboutit. there’s always football n such.

my teachers’ kept wanting me to play sports in school.

they always said I should be left back.

Just remember, people who don’t study in math class grow up to be like Will Ferrell:

If I have 7 ice cubes and you have 8, how many waffles can fit on the roof? Purple. Because aliens don’t wear hats.

Server not found. Huh, must be on his break.

I used to work in Chicago in a department store.

Behind the Service counter, a lady came in the door.

She said she wanted a server, I asked what kind she’d like.

“A web” she stated, so spun her I did.

I’ll never work there anymore.

I have never been on twitter and am not about to start now.

Tweets = blows @ higher octave.

Forty-Two.

101010

“Forty-Two.”

What is “How many IQ points is Sparky lacking to effectively take a test on his own?”

Using Hero’s (Heron’s) Formula, calculate the area of a triangle with sides a=3, b=7, and c=4.

Actually you don’t need to use any formula, just look at the triangle.

My cat has a solution for your problem.

X=tuna fish when window>open, except when thunder(lightning)=rain.

QED

litter box

If I could make it through life using cat logic, I would. But a cat at rest tends to stay at rest or else. Moving a cat would be a violation of the cat’s tendencies. And I don’t want to get all bloodied up. Therefore I’ll take the onion.

All Sparky would have to put in the answer space is “What do you mean, African or European?” then he and everyone else in the class would get a free pass. Duh!

Students get no culture nowadays. Sheesh.

True Story:

In my Junior year in high school, In my geometry class, there was a girl that just didn’t get it. Whenever we had a test or quiz, she would fail, then burst into tears. One day after this happened, I went to her desk and explained the concepts we had been taught thus far in my own manner, rather than our teacher’s. The next test we had, She got 100%, I got 97%. That was the best hug I ever got in school.

Whenever I teach someone how to do something, they always do better than me.

Can you teach me how to Dougie?

No, but if I drive you there in a bus, you’re sure to win.

(Every team I’ve ever driven to a sporting event has won. Perfect record that.)

Sorry Dan, you lost me at:

T = e…

“ANYONE GOOD IN MATH”

Sorry Sparky, I used to be good in math way back when I had all of my numbers.

All I have left is a high five, a lucky 7 (I’m not giving that up), a fifth, a couple of twenties, a google, and an infiniti. As for units, I have pecks, a couple of feet, two hands, a rod (complete with furlongs), a gal. in. waiting, knots(in my shoes), and a karat.

(I also have a hot rod if you’re interested in stolen property)

I NEED HELP ON A TEST RIGHT NOW

——————————————————————————–

ANYONE GOOD IN BLOOD

Hey does anyone know how to do this please help and just email a picture of it with the work shown I’d appreciate I could even pay you after apointment or something idk I just don’t wanna fail this test.

Email me or poke if your good in phlebotomy and I’ll send u a picture of the work.

Hi Sparky, I’m British. We don’t do math, we do maths. Or more specifically we do arithmetic, geometry, trigonometry, algebra and others. In both advanced maths and pure maths we cover quadratic equations, percentages, a great deal of work with Greek symbols, long division, adding up and taking away, roots of all sorts, logarithms and many more. The mathematical world is your lobster. With which topic / equation precisely do you need assistance?

MandaB, as always, you bring a certain special quality to the box. Punchity Punch Punch!

Good Morning, Science Guy!