YSaC, Vol. 1342: Huzzah.
A fine, plump stuffed goose – $100
$100 FIRM. This is a fine, plump, and extremely lovable stuffed goose on a string. Much like you’d see hanging in the markets of yesteryear around the holidays. This is NOT a real goose. It IS however a beautifully crafted stuffed work of art. Maker is unknown. Has slight singes on it’s bill from exposure to unruly children. And please I cannot go any lower than $100 on this, so don’t you even dare try to offer me anything lower. I will however accept higher offers. Act fast, since this luxurious goose shant last longeth upon craigslist.
(We all know vocal inflections don’t translate well on the internets, so in case it’s not completely obvious, you should read the next paragraph with the stunning enthusiasm and vivacious energy of Annie Potts answering the phone in the first “Ghostbusters” movie, back when her character didn’t suck.)
Yeah verily. It beith a fine goose. Huzzah. I shall hangeth it upon my crummwobble, there for the hilarity of various and sundry. Ho. It shall be the most traditionalarific thing since the King Vita-Man Renaissance Festival. Now, get thee to a cash machine, toad.
Thanks for the post, ArchedEyebrows!
Ow
Ow x 2, FWIW (now that is completely stuck in my head, and I’ve been trying to shake it out for 2 days)
Tis Ebeneezer’s ideal,
I fyne gesture, writ miserly mean,
A gifte sae riche; but naught but ticking.
You’re right in your element today, Cap’n.
O crewel Fate, that sets this tale afoot today,
And “Talk Like a Pirate Day” on the morrow.
On scarcely knows whether to intone
The velveteen of Lord Sir Lawrence,
Or invoke the braw’ cant o’ Robbie Newton.
Or, in wastrel idleness, but take up the all-to-easy
Hi’lan’ brogue ae mae anscetors ane the’ ilk
(and to sore confuse gentle reader with Erse & Gaelic voice in cant).
Peerhops von Stroheim myte be apt, vee haf vays of makink yu hear deesem also sprechen.
しかし、緻密なスパーキーがある場合はあるだろうに曖昧にしてください、に進みます。
[corey] Pretty sure this is a dog-training retriever teaching tool.
The thong is so it can be flung for the dog to bring back.
Price new–no dog nor urchin slobber– in the cabella’s catalog about forty bucks.
[/corey]
Exactly what I was thinking, Capn.
Summoning my Felix Unger:
“And now it’s garbage.”
:giggles:
The goose is wearing a thong.
Did she get it from Victoria’s Egret? (damn, I used that joke)
That reminds me – I haven’t seen hide nor tail of our delightfully dirty monkey today.
My internets at work have been broken all day. I think our IT guy is going to run away.
Awww! Y’all missed me!
Sparky, you forgot to say that it’s in a strictly limited edition, that it’s lovingly handmade according to age-old traditions using the latest technology, that it can only appreciate in value, and that it’s indistinguishable from other stuffed geese costing thousands of dollars from a famous luxury-goods company whose name your lawyers tell you not to say.
Damn kids these days, with their rock and rolling music and their geese-smoking. Bunch of wild savages, the lot of ’em. :shakes cane:
I knew it would come to this one day.
Why, back when I was a kid we had to smoke the drapes covered in geese patterns.
But, these li’l wild urchins have gone hardcore.
Today, geese. Tomorrow, who knows? Ducks? Or – dare I say it – turkeys?
Geese are a gateway bird, next thing you know they’re popping quails and snorting pigeons. It gets really bad when they start stealing car radios to pay for their turkey habit.
They will have many egrets.
The cartels have labs down in South America, already pumping out the new synthetic:
Turducken
I would have had the flock beat out of me if I tried any of these!
If it is singed around the bill, what is that smudge by the wing?
Do you really want the answer to that, Capn? Because that may lead us down a very dark path indeed. We may not like the answers.
Or it may be dog slobber.
I’m naught afraid!
Ask of Me, Bridgekeeper,
Your questions Three-er, Five, no [waaaaayyyyyyyoooooowwwww!]
Monty Capn….I heart you…and not in a scary way this time.
Unruly children just need a ruler applied to them, then they will become ruly again. Just ask anyone who rules their children.
A furry with a singe on the top? Whya no chicken?
I wouldn’t even pay $10 for this thing, let alone $100!
One hundred dollars? He can goose my fine, plump…
corner
Duck!
Duck, duck, duck…
Monkey!
This is NOT a real goose
Well GOLLEEEE you coulda fooled me!
It’s so life-like!
Always wondered what became of Mother Goose.
She took up bungee jumping. And parcour. She is an urban ninja now.
I just learned something new and fun to watch. Parkour
Only thing better is Parkour Fail–where sparkii learn you need strength, agility, endurance, and brains to be good at parkour.
Ah, from not-quite five decades’ old memories of my GGM’s Pennsy Dutch Kant:
Ya, shotzie, was ees das? En gooz? Iz burnt? Nine fur hows, oawt, Ras-mit’ess! Yetz! Mitt hunda zo schpeela! Iz mitt tahg essen, Wir habt kar-toff’len zuupa–So! Hahntz wassen, yund schnell!
Which, now, in German, I’d render as
Ja, schotzie, was habst du da? Ein Ganz (habst du)? Es versengen sein! Vom Haus sind es dauern. Schnell jetzt! Zum Mittagessen Kartoffel-Suppe haben! Also, jetzt, Ihre Hände schnell aufwaschen!
Or, in English:
Dear, what do you have there? A goose? It’s not very clean. It’s really a dog toy, and you should take it outside. But, don’t dawdle, we are having [homemade, from scratch, like only a GGM can] potato soup for lunch, so, you need to wash your hands, and be quick about it!
Ah rememories.
I’m pretty sure our pug has a much more realistic looking toy goose, assuming he hasn’t buried it yet. It even has a squeaker that sounds vaguely goose-like, and it was only $7.95 at Petco. Sparky puts me in mind of some of the flea market vendors we were set up next to this past weekend. Just because something passingly similar on ebay goes for some outlandish price doesn’t mean a busted, grubby knock-off will fetch the same amount.
I love it when they actually go to the trouble of printing out the eBay listing for something similar and putting it with their item as if to say “Hey, you could buy this on eBay for $39.99, or you could buy my dirty/broken/chipped/nasty/fake/stained one for only $29.99!”
Or two for $50.
Our local Goodwills and Salvation Army stores have started doing that. I feel like beating the managers to death with wet noodles sometimes. Hel-LO this is a CHARITY shop, and most of your customers are low income! If they could afford the dang collectible price they would shop at antique stores.
“Has slight singes on it’s bill from exposure to unruly children.”
So, is it fair to say this person’s goose was cooked?
Meh, I prefer the real DeCoy.
He’s pining for the fjords.
Honk if you love this goose!
Anything else requires you pay me $100.
Honk eh! Honk eh! Honk! Ya hoser.
Oh hey. That goose aint from the Great White North.
Yeah, the guy with this goose probably drank NOT a real beer.
Is that a goose or a gander? There’s a big difference you know.
I mean, if you take a gander at a moose, that’s not too dangerous.
but if you goose a moose…well let’s just say, you better have your squirrel on.
Hey now! Be careful what you say about moose around these parts. We’re always watching.
Asking $100 for that is pretty low, even for the likes of you. You must think that people who read craigslist are as bright as the people who write craigslist.
A plump-stuffed goose, you say. Why that reminds me of back in the days of Martytown, which is what Shelbyville was called back them. Beck when the nickles had bees on them, and the shillings, geese–so it was gimme 4 bees an’ tuppence for a goose. Only we was usin’t rhymin’ slang back’t then, so’s a goos was a “Latrec” and none ‘ad tuppence, not e’en f’r onions. It was the fashion to wear an onoin on y’r belt in’em days. White’ns, naturally, but ye ca’d’nae gie any ’cause’t the war an all. An’ none wanted a yella’ onion, as ye’d look all Welsh and like. An’ ‘less’n ‘t’were St Davie’s Day, wear’t a leek cua’ gie y’r ‘at knock’t ‘roun’ y’r ‘aid. Anywho’ plumps was twa ‘n’ tuppence, or six the goos’–unless y’ ha’ a plump-nickle, but they was rare, and were thr’pence ha-penny extry. Unlees y’ cut-a-rug wid’a white onion ‘t’y’r belt. But, times was lean, an’ cu’purse knock’ya dahn t’pears t’take y’ geese & bees, and the onion, too.
Relax, Grampa! Talk Like A Pirate Day is TOMORROW.
Holidays like these?
Not.a.Hollow Weenie?
Thisaint Patty’s day?
Thanksfornothing?
Thisaint Val n Tyne Daly?
None of your Beesmas? (That’s the one with the negativity scene)
First, take a gander at that, will ya? All these bird puns and me not around to play with them. I call fowl!
Second, the home computer is rejecting me, and we won’t be up and running at full speed for a day or two. So I will do a massive box update as soon as possible.
Third, A HUNDRED DOLLERS??? How Bat Sheet Crazy is this Sparkee? Prithee, hasten unto Bedlam and find a saner man in a trice!
Here’s some browsing (caution, may cause squee)
http://www.squidoo.com/Beautiful-Plush-Animals
:click:
SQUEEE!
:faints from cuteness overload:
Marmots & hamsters & lemurs, O my!
(and genie-piggies!)
Not.a.lions, too!
I’m sorry; I’m not buying Sparky’s impropergander.
Dr. Digi, you get your box time sold separately but a day late. Blame the intertubes. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Something, South America!