YSaC, Vol. 1413: My, My, It’s An Instagrammed Pie
2012 December 26
Found a whole pie
I found a whole lemon meringue sitting on a wall behind Ace Hardware. I left it where it was. I can’t stop thinking about the crazy stuff that must have gone down causing a person to leave a whole pie. I mean, if I had a pie, I’d be like… “can’t wait to get home and eat this pie.” You just left it though.
If you know why this was here, ease my mind.
Let’s see here, what are some possibilities?
- The pie’s owner was abducted by terrorists.
- The pie’s owner was abducted by aliens.
- The pie’s owner was eaten by bears.
- The pie’s owner was press-ganged by pirates.
- The pie’s owner (henceforth known as TPO) was abducted by terrorist pirate bears.
- TPO was magically transported to Narnia, where he met a talking lion who is actually a thinly disguised Christian allegory, defeated a witch, became king, and lived for decades while only a short time passed in this world, and returned for his pie an hour later.
- TPO just forgot the damn pie.
My money’s on the bears.
Thanks for the post, Ket!
The cake is a lie. The pie is a half-truth.
Half-truth or not, I never try to reason with pie, it’s so irrational.
TPO bought the pie on the day in question. He grew up watching his mom put pies on the windowsill. As a child, he was beckoned by the siren call of the aroma of the pie right when it came out of the oven. He didn’t see her toil to make it or see her put it in. All he saw was the pie being placed on the windowsill. He thought that was just something you do before eating any pie ever. So on the day in question, TPO walked across the street to the bakery called Mama’s Pies, Cakes, and Skydiving Gear (for those mothers and grandmothers who don’t have time to bake because of their high-flying lifestyle) for a lemon meringue. The overwhelming aroma triggered a Pavlovian response in which he took the pie and placed it on the back stoop of his employer without stopping to ask why he should. The only thing his brain registered was the long-silent voice of his mother saying, “TPO, you must let the pie sit for at least an hour before we can cut it.”
Car 252, we have a 1088 in progress at Ace Hardware, proceed with caution.
Damn, terrorist pirate bears, again? Who left the pie out this time?
That’s the question, isn’t it? Armed and dangerous, and full of pie, proceed with caution.
PS. Happy Boxing Day, we have ghostcat in the box!
Ace hardware is dreary and damp,
All the meringue rubbery and wet.
Like somebody left a pie out in the rain.
And I brought pie!
Pie goes well in the box.
I just forgot my pie.
I know a couple of guys.
They would have loved my pie.
And they love as loving lovers love.
There’s a pie on the wall at the back of the hardware store.
There’s a pie on the wall at the back of the hardware store.
There’s a pie
There’s a pie
There’s a pie on the wall at the back of the hardware store.
There’s a fly on the pie on the wall at the back of the hardware store.
There’s a fly on the pie on the wall at the back of the hardware store.
There’s a fly
There’s a fly
There’s a fly on the pie on the wall at the back of the hardware store.
If this were a video game, it would be totally normal to find whole pies just randomly sitting around behind buildings. And it would give you a nice health boost, too.
Yeah, these might not BOOST your health…
/corey: I follow a comic strip called Bizarro, where the cartoonist randomly includes a slice of pie in his work. Sometimes he adds an eyeball or a UFO. His cartoon of 12-6-12 included both pie and UFO, in addition to Zorro. Odd. Who knew Zorro liked pie?/corey
(Did I do that right?)
Not only did you do that right, but Dan Pirraro, the author of Bizzaro, has blogged that he is a big fan of YSaC.
We also use the pseudo-HTML form of [corey] [/corey] pairs.
[corey] Read aloud, that would be “open tag; corey” and “close tag; corey.” These pseudo-tags can be nested with actual HTML (to the limits that the Jestro stylebook allows) such as <b>bold</b> or <em> italic</em> and even <del>
strikeout</del>.To achieve the above, I used some ampersand-tag-semicolon HTML code. Open angle bracket (e.g. less-than) being & LT ; (with no spaces), and close angle bracket (e.g. greater-than) being & GT ;.
[/corey]
It could even be a D&D game! I remember once a group I was in encountered a pizza in a hallway. There was a piece missing. We sampled it clockwise from the missing piece, and each piece enhanced different characteristics. I was running a female elf in a group of male dwarves, so I guess you can figure out which part of the elf anatomy the pizza enhanced on my character. Yup, the pointy ears!
It is obvious that the pie was left there by alien pirate terrorist bears as a lure for abducting unsuspecting earthlings. Note the cleverly disguised inverted flying saucer design of the “pie plate”.
That’s obviously the Pie-lin wall, built during the cold tart war to separate East and West Strudel, thus keeping the commie cake eaters from the free pie world.
Owner of pie was in Ace Hardware shopping for the correct wrench with which to cut it whilst preserving the delicate meringue on top.
It came from the Carob Being. His pie rates are so low you can buy extras and leave them for the bears.
Ralph, your puns are way beyond my capabilities.
Huh, I don’t know if that’s good or bad.
BF, surely you’ve heard of the Pie Rates of the Carob Being!!!
Of curse!
You Posted a Picture of My Pie!- [Location]
While I was walking home with my pie, I had to go to the bathroom. So I went into Ace Hardware to go. They don’t allow food in the store so I left my pie on the wall behind the store.
WHILE I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM, SOMEBODY TOOK A PICTURE OF MY PIE AND POSTED IT ON THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!
If you know the jerk who did this, E-mail me at tpoisticked@meringue.pie and I’ll give you a piece.
I didn’t know that would actually make a link. My bad.
If you let me have a taste of your pie, I’ll tell you who did it.
a) TPO died trying to calculate its value.
b) Bart Simpson put it there to keep it out of Homer’s line of sight.
c) Sparky unwittingly interrupted a pie safe heist in progress.
d) Congratulations, you’ve found the pie rat’s treasure!
Wall-pie goes well with road-pizza.
We made mince pie last night, and brandy butter to go with it.
No one wanted the store-bought pies at all. But none of the guests left the store-bought pies behind the hardware store, though. Which the snow would have covered up last night had they engaged in such sparkii behavior.
He don’t have no education
He don’t have no thought control
No metal filter, he’s an assclown
Sparky leave that tort alone
Hey! Sparky! Leave that meringue alone!
All in all it’s just another pie on the wall.
All in all you’re just another pie on the wall.
Ghostie, your boxing day is over! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Pie in the Sky!
Durp! I just realized where TPO had gone! He drove his Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry!
I severely enjoyed this one because if I saw a random pie I would wonder all day. I would not go to the same lengths as the poster, but I would wonder just as much