YSaC, Vol. 1418: I’d rather spend my whole life without you.

2013 January 2

Hey ladies! Who wants to date a hummingbird feeder? No, really:

lady friends welcome – m4w – 55


I just want to keep up on a womans point of view,(just friends). Emails,text…maybe phone,or coffee. Who knows… Please be over 50…a pic would help. What I like? I think I like what it everybody else likes. Camping will always be number 1. I love to camp by nice lake. Who doesn’t like to dance? I love early morning breakfast, just so that I can watch the sunrise. I attended 24 hour fitness in ######### at least four days a week. I will talk about pretty much anything, anything you want to talk about. lets talk.

What if I want to talk about subject/verb agreement? What if I wanted to know WHEN you attended 24 hour fitness at least four days a week, since it was clearly at some unspecified time in the past, possibly as long ago as the Italian Rennaisance. Can we talk about where “Nice Lake” is, since both Nice, France, and Nice, California seem to be sadly lakeless?

And finally – can we talk about why a hummingbird feeder is posting personal ads on Craigslist in the first place?

Thanks for sending this, JGW!

38 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 January 2
    tigprincess permalink

    Perhaps the size of the hummingbird feeder is some indication of this gentleman’s private parts? Not wanting to take pron picture for C’List

    Nice clean corner – who has been doing the cleaning?

    Adores: 4
  2. 2013 January 2

    “Please be over 50”

    Oh, trust me, I am SO over 50. I prefer Jay-Z.

    Adores: 13
  3. 2013 January 2

    I’d love to take you camping. Let’s fly to a nice lake.
    I love early morning breakfast with real sugar water, not that fake.
    Hummingbird, don’t fly away, fly away. Hummingbird, don’t fly away, fly away.

    Adores: 10
  4. 2013 January 2

    [Matt]I hate it when you craft a really long comment, and accidentally kill the tab when trying to tab back after doing a spell check.

    Kinda ruins your flow, you know?[/Matt]

    Adores: 5
  5. 2013 January 2

    Kinda Hungry – HFF – 2

    I was the blue crested bird, flitting busily from flower to flower, wings a comical blur as I hovered just inches from you. You were the bright red base with clear canister. You were wearing those entirely unconvincing yellow flower appliqués that weren’t fooling anyone. I tasted of your sweet essence, and we hit it off immediately. It didn’t seem meant to be, though. You wore that red dress and were giving yourself to any bird that came along.

    Last week I saw you again. Your hard life of constantly being used had finally taken its toll. You seemed empty and unfulfilled. When I tried to sample you, I came away with only a bitter taste of disappointment and rejection. I said some things that were unkind, and we parted on bad terms.

    A little bird told me that you’ve pulled yourself back together again. Now you’re filled to the brim with such sweetness that one would hardly believe you to be the same feeder. I also heard you moved to Nice Lake, so I am busy planning a trip up there to see you again. Toss me a line and maybe we can go hang somewhere.

    Adores: 14
  6. 2013 January 2

    “nice lake” isn’t a geographical location. He likes camping by actress Lake Bell, whom he considers nice. She, however, considers him stalkerish and has requested a restraining order.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 January 2
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Her sister Kristen, however, is totally fair game.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 January 2
        CapnMac permalink

        Dunno that I’d say anything so mean within earshot/arm’s reach of Vikki–a person could get thumped.
        I’ve heard that Veronica was an experience, but that lake is gone now . . .

        Adores: 3
        • 2013 January 2
          mud "static noise" slicker permalink

          Is this the Lake where Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves keep traveling through time in that mailbox? Or is this the Lake where Jason Vorhees drowned? Where Champ lives in Lake Champlain? Where the Edmund Fitzgerald went under the waves?

          Adores: 4
      • 2013 January 2

        Sister Kristen oh the time has come…

        Adores: 7
  7. 2013 January 2
    camille permalink

    Personally, I hate camping (why would any sane person want to be that far from indoor plumbing?), so I’m not sure why Sparky thinks he likes what everybody else likes, although perhaps “what it everybody else likes” means something different.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 January 2

      Sparky likes what everyone else on CraigsList likes; being smothered in butter and rolled in old carpet, pretending to be an animatronic dinosaur, and stalking women in coffee shops based on their handbag choices while driving around in a truck covered in bees.

      Adores: 15
      • 2013 January 2
        CapnMac permalink

        And pursued by haunted objet d’art from the mountain cabins of Florida in bagels, winter and summer. For sale, free.

        Adores: 4
      • 2013 January 2
        DigitalAxis permalink

        But he just wants to keep up with the point of view of an older woman.

        I expect he wants to be inundated with news about hot flashes, varicose veins, the kids not calling any more, stupid people on the internet, coworkers’ ne’er-do-well children, things that aren’t really music (honestly), trips to Cancun, new yoga workouts to try, Irma Bombeck, and why winter is so much colder now.

        I prescribe box sets of “The Golden Girls”.

        Adores: 2
        • 2013 January 2

          Must . . . find . . . Tits aside . . . Joke . . . .

          Nope. The brain has powered down. Ima go look at shiny things.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 January 2
          SilvaNoir permalink

          Tits aside, hummingbirds are entertaining small birds to watch at backyard feeders. The tits (chickadees and tufted titmice) are easier to attract with regular birdseed and will visit in snowy winter, unlike the hummingbirds.

          Adores: 3
  8. 2013 January 2
    Brer Fox permalink

    I like early afternoon breakfasts, just so I can see.

    Maybe this comment would be better for someone living farther north than me.

    Adores: 3
  9. 2013 January 2
    One Moving Violation permalink

    I attended 24 hour fitness in ######### at least four days a week.

    I don’t think I could work out at the gym for 96 hours per week. I don’t think I could even just watch for that long.

    Adores: 4
  10. 2013 January 2

    The hummingbird feeder is the gathering place for several birds who like nectar. During the day, one “bouncer” male will guard the place, but just before dark he will let everyone tank up so they can fight again tomorrow. I think Sparky is the bouncer, and is trying to find more business for his spot, if you know what I mean.

    Adores: 2
  11. 2013 January 2
    LimeLolly permalink

    I had a conversation with a hummingbird once. Funniest 5 seconds ever, but I may have missed the punchline.

    Adores: 7
  12. 2013 January 2
    CapnMac permalink

    (witty, if forced, avian mash-up of Much Ado About Nothing and R&J, now lost to not having been saved before a copy-paste uh-oh–Taco just had to say something today)

    So, on a different tack–Poor Sparq’ he be fr’m dahn sou Loo-ee-anna and done di’ Marie Le Vaux wrong, doncha’kno’, huh, cher’? She put dat spail on ol’ Sparq’ an’ ‘e’s a”anging ou’ da wind’a ‘a the gym dahn d’ bol’evard dey dahn pas’ Thibedeauxes place doncha’kno? Nah, din’ gee’me wrong, cher’ but, ol’ Sparq’, he gots a view tres bonne a’ the femmes parfait awl a stretching and wiggl’t’n’ an’ all, cher’. ‘E don’ get much bourré in no’mah, I guar-an-tee; but t’view, she’s wort’ it, y’hear, cher’?

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 January 2
      CapnMac permalink

      The above may be better read after listening to This YouTube

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 January 2

        Capn, I made a slight edit in your first comment regarding Taco. 8) We are all too comfortable with each other.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 January 2
          CapnMac permalink

          J’comprende, c’est tout bon, mon amie.

          (seein’ some zydeco music in my af’ernoon, doncha’kno’)

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 January 2

          Dankeschön, meine kleine frau Vogel.

          Adores: 1
  13. 2013 January 2
    Ralph permalink

    Tits aside, 50-year old hummingbirds are rare.

    Adores: 6
  14. 2013 January 2
    DigitalAxis permalink

    That’s right, no thin hummingbirds! 50 grams or more!

    Adores: 3
  15. 2013 January 2

    “Who doesn’t like to dance?”

    *raises hand*
    Me. I don’t. Unless it’s the Time Warp, of course.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 January 2
      Tankerbell permalink

      Me neither, Ratwoman. Let’s just sit here and heckle.

      Adores: 3
  16. 2013 January 2
    SpaceBug permalink

    If you stare at the picture long enough, the feeder begins to sway with the breeze.
    Just sayin’.

    Adores: 4
  17. 2013 January 3

    Free at last, free at last, DigitalAxis, you’re free at last!
    Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Birdman of Alka-seltzer!

    Adores: 0
  18. 2013 January 8
    Sarah in CA permalink

    Actually Nice, CA is right on a lake….

    Adores: 0
  19. 2013 January 8
    Dan permalink

    Quite right – I was zoomed in too far, and assumed the blue patch was just the Pacific ocean. Well then – mystery solved.

    Adores: 1

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