Unthawed turkey
Free turkey. I unthawed it but won’t have Time to cook it. Must pick up
If the turkey has been unthawed, that implies that it was, at some point, thawed. Which implies that it was frozen, then brought to an unfrozen state, then un-unfrozen. No wonder Sparky won’t have time to cook the turkey!
Thanks, Ralph!
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It’s turkey lurkey time
Tom turkey ran away, but he just came home
It’s turkey lurkey time
He’s really home to stay, never one to roam
We had a big dinner for him. The end.
Frozen unfrozen
Turkey salmonella time
Thanksgiving barfing
Turkey, turkey,
Get unthawed free turkey.
Turkey, turkey,
Eat it up, yum.
Turkey, turkey,
Tummy feels so murky.
Turkey, turkey,
Barf it up, yuck.
There once was a turkey unfrozen
Its purchasers clearly were dozin’
The results of this process
Brought about staphylococcus
And confusion as wrong words were chosen
Left off the message was this…
“Unthawed in 1987, but should be fine. Never mind that awful stench, that’s just ‘turkey’ smell. And, the blue fuzz is the rub that came with it. It’s all good..and it’s free, so just take it and shut up.”
If it had green fuzz instead of blue, you could pass it off as a durian. Would still have to give it away instead of sell it though.
…..”won’t have Thyme to cook it.”….. Try a little salt and pepper, perhaps a little rosemary.
Is the process for unthawing turkey similar to the recipe for unscrambled eggs?
I think it’s like unlaid eggs, or maybe even unhatched eggs, or uncracked eggs, or unfer…you know, I think unscrambled does it.
*Shows picture of naked turkey*
Okay clath, which ith better grammar?
Ow! My eyeth! What hath been theen cannot be untheen.
or
Oh thit, that ith tho dithguthting! What I thawed could not be unthawed.
I thawed I thaw a turkey bathter thumwhere.
To thaw or not to thaw,
That is the question.
Whe’er ’tis nobler to suffer
The hurf & hork of tainted fowl,
Or, to lurk, frozen solid in
Least convenient freezer corner.
But, hark–no, “hark” as in cast eyes upon–
Dear Yorick; for ’tis this not the fowl
Gi’en years’ back for fair Ophelia’s wake?
Was that not Pollonoius’ favorite, Horatio,
Subject to too much mad devotion,
Febrile devotions upon turkey lips most foul?
Alas, Yorick, I know not how we have come
To this boneyard of such woe.
Canst thou help clean this spot, this fowl
Spot away?
And gather here, not to praise,
But to bury oursel’s in Salad…
For Salomnella is not a reasonable host.
[exeunt]
So fair and fowl a day I have not seen.
Is this a carving knife I see before me?
The handle toward my hand.
Out out fowl spot.
All the perfumes of Arabia shall not
Cleanse this foul fowl.
She should have died hereafter;
There would have been thyme for such a bird.
Unthawed and unthawed and unthawed,
Cooks in this petty pace from day to day
To the last turkey of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fowls
The way to frozen breasts. it is a tale
Told by an sparky, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Did anyone else notice how questionable turkey inspires Shakespearean-ish comments????
Wait…if something is ‘unthawed’ wouldn’t that, by definition, mean it’s frozen?
I see what you did there, Sparky.
Well played.
Sparky is probably operating under the assumption that “thawed” and “unthawed” mean the same thing, just like “flammable” and “inflammable” and “OH GOD IT BURNS”
That’s what I was thinking, too, CJ. Which then leaves me to wonder… was this a deliberate “put it in the freezer as the first step of cooking”, in which case I don’t think I want to use that cookbook, or is the house just so cold that leaving a turkey on the counter results in frozen fowl, in which case I NEVER want to see their air conditioner bill.
I’m about to heat up an unthawed pizza for dinner.
I will not eat your turkey raw,
I will not touch it if unthawed,
I will not even touch your ham,
For I am vegan, Sam-I-Am.
(Waiting patiently for ham touching thread to begin . . .)
I ham what I ham and that’s all that I ham. I only touch it at Thanksgiving with the unthawed turkey.
I like my ham in a can, but I wouldn’t touch it unless I had a stick.
I like HamCan too! Wonder what’s keeping him from posting today?
Oh no! Bad puppy! Leave that unthawed turkey alone!
PECIL!
I wonder if this is the same Sparky who was on here a few months ago announcing a load of (previously) frozen meat that was sitting out on the front lawn for the taking.
andy, you may be on to something! Sparkies Unthawed Meats didn’t make it on eBay, so now he’s set up working out of his home.
I smell a lawsuit. Somebody call Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!
Hmmm, always the possibility (no matter how miniscule) that Spark’ meant ur-thawed; the presumptive thaw that preceded all others.
Not that a Permian-era turkey would have much present value, either. But, unlike Spark’s posting, it’s at least a game bit of mental exercise.
Does unthawed turkey make it ‘chili’?
Whya no chicken?
Because the duck goosed the flock.
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Good Morning, Wild Unthawed Turkeys!