YSaC, Vol. 245: If we … you … wait, what?

2009 March 20
by drmk

2br – If we Charged what you wanted to Pay, You wouldn’t want to live here..

Face it, if you pay a little more, you usually get a little better.
2 bed 1 bath over the management office. Heat HW AC too. And …parking . This is [location] #405
We offer a brand new fitness center, tennis courts, parking, 24 hour maintenance, 24 hour public safety, reasonably priced rents-many include heat, hot water and a/c; 3 stops to South Station, #8 bus line next to our property for convenience to Northeastern, Longwood Medical Center, BU School of Public Health , Boston Medical Center. Also easy on/off to 93 Southeast Expressway. Minutes to Redline on foot less by bus. 3000 of our residents can’t be wrong

A Good Place to Live

xxx xxx xxxx
[Location] Leasing
[Address] [obviously in Boston]

Nichole sends this one in, saying, “Okay, the fish makes whatever you charge totally worth it!”

Be sure to read the fine print on the contract, though — some of those places will promise you a 20 pound fish and then have a tiny clause in the contract that says, “20 pound fish may not be available in all units.” Then you’re all moved in, and you ask about your fish, and they say, “Well, unfortunately, it’s only available in three-bedroom units.” Then you’re stuck.

34 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 March 20
    Courtney permalink

    Gee, I’m so sorry that I somehow missed this one when I was moving out here last year. I’ve always wanted to live near a lady holding a very large fish. I’m trying to fiure out where it is because the landmarks and train info don’t quite line up. Boston is, geographically, a very small city – so I guess in that sense everything is close to everything else. That must be what they were going for.

    Adores: 2
  2. 2009 March 20
    corn flakes permalink

    I dont think i want to live that close to the train or the giant mutant fish.
    I like that none of the pictures seem to be relevant. It’s like a bad tourism brochure where someone uses a lot of random images.

    Not to mention that the note feels condescending. Are you trying to call me cheap, you snobby apartment complex?!

    Adores: 1
  3. 2009 March 20
    D / DM permalink

    I’m fairly certain that the fish isn’t IN any of the units, but instead was caught in that gorgeous swimming pool.

    I like how “many” of the apartments have heat and A/C. That’s nice.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 August 17
      Hiyame permalink

      Not even just that. They mention hot water too, along with the heat and a/c. So, I take it that means that some apartments only have cold water. Which means this ad makes total sense, since their tag line is basically “we charge more because we have higher levels of awesome.” I require hot water in a free room and board location, not to mention a pricey one…

      Adores: 1
  4. 2009 March 20
    dogface permalink

    So, do they leave the fish and train on the kitchen counter or do you pick it up when you get your keys?

    Adores: 3
  5. 2009 March 20
    corn flakes permalink

    And if 3000 of their residents “can’t be wrong”, I want to hear from the ones that can be wrong

    “Minutes to Redline on foot less by bus”
    What would less than minutes, seconds?

    Adores: 1
  6. 2009 March 20
    Colleen in MA permalink

    Wow. “If we Charged what you wanted to Pay, You wouldn’t want to live here.” This is making my head hurt. Is it next to the gateless gate? Is this some time of koan?

    Adores: 2
  7. 2009 March 20
    Steph permalink

    I wonder how many units include heat, hot water and a/c. I may be able to live without the a/c, but I kind of want hot water and heat is nice to have in the winter. Maybe the elliptical trainers in the tricked out gym run the furnaces, so the heating is really up to those who choose to workout.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 March 20
      Courtney permalink

      That’s a New England thing – some landlords pay for heat and hot water. Others don’t. After paying for heat for my first Boston winter – I will tell you that that’s a huge perk. But why would they pay for h/hw in some units and not others? That makes… about as much sense as the rest of the ad.

      Adores: 1
  8. 2009 March 21
    geeklygirly permalink

    I wish there were an actual rent price on this. It would make it so much easier to know whether the whole “If we charged what you wanted to pay” thing makes sense or whether the landlords are just being jerks.

    I’d say having heat and hot water included around here can be worth up to an extra $100/month in rent (to say nothing of A/C!!)–but then again, it sounds like you’re playing Renter’s Roulette with these people…

    Adores: 0
  9. 2009 April 8

    If I paid what I wanted to pay, I’d be able to afford the place.

    Adores: 7
  10. 2009 May 14
    ellemarie permalink

    I understand I’m a bit late, but I couldn’t resist commenting on this post as I passed it in the Archives.. Why, you ask?


    At first this realization made me feel special, like a minor celebrity of sorts. And then I just felt very, very sad.

    Adores: 10
    • 2009 July 15
      sublight permalink

      It’s not the “If You Lived Here, You’d Be Home by Now!” complex, is it?

      Adores: 0
    • 2011 July 23
      LimeLolly permalink

      But did you ever get your fish??

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 July 23
        CapnMac permalink

        Gonna be a pretty smeelly striped bass by now, wouldn’t it?

        Adores: 0
  11. 2009 October 1
    aoeu permalink

    This looks like another Femaletrait2 failure.

    Adores: 0
  12. 2009 October 14
    Christian permalink

    I think the “If we Charged what you wanted to Pay, You wouldn’t want to live here” thing is supposed to mean that it’s an up-scale neighbourhood because of the high rent price, and if people could pay what they wanted to, just anyone could move in there.

    I don’t know if I’m very clever for understanding it, or very stupid for being on the same wavelength as the poster. 🙁

    Adores: 0
  13. 2011 January 14

    I recently got a call from a headhunter about a job in Massachusetts. I had no idea that I could live near a bus stop, the Red Line, and a woman holding an enormous fish. Life truly is good.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 July 23

      Careful there, Dave. They won’t tell you up front, but if you want a room close to the woman holding a fish you have to pay an extra $70 a month convenience fee. Most of us here in Ish commute when we want to see the woman hold her fish.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 July 23
      CapnMac permalink

      Hey don’t forget the “24 hour Public Safety”–which probably means the complex is next to the City Jail (which might also explain the opening line).

      Adores: 0
  14. 2011 July 23
    SisterTaco permalink

    The only way this place would be better is if that fish lived in the pool you see there.

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 July 23
      CapnMac permalink

      [fish in pool aside]
      Every year the City has an event to raise fund for the big public pool complex in town. They hire an outfit to bring them a truckload of farm-raised rainbow trout, and release them into one of the big pools. They then allow people to pay an amount (was $6-7, now $11) to catch 7 to 10 trout each.

      No piddly little brookies, either; these are 1.5-2 pound rainbows.

      So, once a year there are a great tussle of anglers standing around the main pool getting to haul in as many trout as they can stand (some will have brought their tots and toddlers along, to catch their “limit” too).

      Aquatic Center makes a tidy profit every year, even with having to buy the fish, and change the filter plumbing and clean the pool afterwards.

      Adores: 0
  15. 2011 July 23
    Windrose permalink

    Gee, obviously they take pets. Wonder if they will charge an extra deposit per bird? It’s a long way to ship birds from California to Massachusetts. I’ll have to train each bird to flap without stopping and give them maps. This is already sounding like too much work, and with no guarantee of heat when we get there.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2011 July 23
    CoffDrop permalink

    This just seems to fit this listing:

    “I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member.”

    Groucho Marx

    Adores: 2
  17. 2011 July 23

    Can I pay what I want to pay if I don’t live in the units near the woman holding the fish?

    Adores: 0
  18. 2011 July 23

    Show me Dat Bass!

    Adores: 0
  19. 2011 July 23
    CapnMac permalink

    This ad is funny on so many levels.

    The developer built a huge, “luxury” apartment complex in a neighborhood before “urban renewal” set in. So, it’s a luxury apartment complex near the train yard, and the city jail (which may be how they have “3000” “can’t be wrong” customers, which seems more likely than having 750-1200 apartments*).

    Being in a “run down” neighborhood may also explain why they cannot be precise as to which units have heat, or a/c, or hot water (which would explain why Maintenance is there 24 hours, too). Would explain why the bus is sometimes faster than steps to the metro, if the potholes were of a bus-catching size or regularity.

    *Few things as silly as the “advertising copy” apartment managers generate. Which is even funnier when they do so before the complex is built, or a site selected.
    Having too much experience in design and planning of high-density housing . . .
    Hmm, parking for 2000 (handy way to get the streets and lanes, too) is 19x9x2000 or 342,000 sf (7.8 acres); 750 x 750sf apartments is 562,500 sf (12.9 acres). So, this place would need a 4-story 2 acre parking garage, and six stories of 2 acre apartment complex.
    Or, they have rented to 300 customers ten times . . .

    Adores: 0
  20. 2011 July 23

    Fish Tale OT

    TacoDad is a veterinarian. One of his clients is the chief of a local Native American tribe. For many years, TacoDad took care of Chief’s big German Sheppards, and then his little foo-foo white dogs when the big ones passed (those belonged to Mrs. Chief).

    Anyway, in addition to paying his bill, Chief also treated my parents the same way the tribe would treat each other when a favor was granted: A gift of fish. Every year, when the Salmon run the rivers, the tribe would have rights to go on a salmon catch. Some of this fish always ended up in my dad’s hands. Sometimes it was a whole fish. Sometimes they filleted it first. Or smoked it, or turned it into jerky or pepperoni sticks (Taco: salmon pepperoni! snerk!).

    It makes me wonder if perhaps this apparent complex is run by natives in Boston. If you rent an apartment, a woman will bring you a giant fish in gratitude.

    /end Fish Tale

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 July 24
      Ziaheart permalink

      Now I’m wondering what salmon peperoni would taste like. I like salmon jerky; is it anything like that?

      Adores: 0
  21. 2011 July 23
    Windrose permalink

    Forgot to point out the Box Set today: Coffy and Hammy. Have fun, boy!

    Adores: 0
  22. 2011 July 23

    I’m confused. Does it come with just the fish or does it come with a woman holding the fish?

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 July 23
      CapnMac permalink

      Hmm, woman and fish providing “services” could explain the “24 hour Public Safety” presence, and the 3000 ‘satisfied’ inmates there at the jail near the metro, train and bus stops . . .

      Adores: 0
  23. 2011 July 24
    Windrose permalink

    CoffDrop and HamCan, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Happy Acres!

    Adores: 0
    • 2012 June 28
      Renee permalink

      Windrose, will you knock it off with that? It’s not even a last word worth having.

      Adores: 0

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