YSaC, Vol. 495: I come from the land of the ice and snow.
Viking Stove – $775
Viking Stove – $775.00 – [location]
6-burners with drip pan. Needs an 8″ grate, 1 drawer and three knobs. 60″Wx28″Dx56″H. In storage for years, needs cleaning
Natalie sent this ad in, saying, “I believe the ‘storage’ this person mentioned was in the field where the picture was taken. I also think the ‘needs cleaning’ is a teensey bit of an understatement…”
Natalie, I think you’re being a little too harsh here. I mean, just imagine … if you were searching Craigslist for an overpriced, completely rusted high-end appliance that is probably home to a sneak of weasels, this would be your dream come true! Obviously, it’s in a field because it’s a free-range, er, range.
Admittedly, you would probably have to move this yourself, but I’m sure the weasels would help.
Sneak of weasels, or mischief of mice?
I’ve always been partial to murder of crows.
Gaggle of geese has always been a favorite. And I always say that a group of teenage girls is a giggle.
My faves, though I don’t think they’re probably in the stove pictured:
A crash of rhinoceros
A knot of toads
A business of flies
Murder of crows is my favorite. Those things are evil.
I also love a parcel of crows…I always picture a UPS man walking to a door with a brown box that he can hardly keep hold of, with feathers flying out the sides.
The names for various groups of cats are more than appropriate:
Clowder, Clutter, Pounce, Dout, Nuisance, Glorying, Glare- Cats in general
Kindle, Litter, Intrigue- Kittens
Destruction- Any group of wild cats
EDIT-Fun ones I just found…”An implausibility of gnus” “A mutation of thrushes”
Intrigue of Kittens sounds like a name for a pop band.
I’m going to start telling people I have a clutter of cats, it sounds so odd. And oddly appropriate.
I’m thinking a glare of cats is more appropriate, or a clowder. Not that I know what a clowder is.
I’m casting my vote for a parliament of rooks.
Intrigue of Kittens is not just a pop band, but I’m imagining them as a Japanese pop band. Probably because of Hello Kitty.
That would be perfect. They would specialize in peppy, synthesized beats and bad engrish lyrics with bright, candy-colored hairstyles and wardrobe.
One goof
A group of geef
So would the plural of goofus be geefi or goofi?
Well, a friend of mine once had two guys working for her and each of them was a doofus. We referred to them originally as doofuses, but then they became the Doofi. So, per your question, I go with goofi.
(…Not to be confused with “I Go with Goofy,” the first hit single from the Disney Gospel a cappella group In Mickey’s Hands.)
Not a real one but a favorite nonetheless: a wunch of bankers.
Oh a Viking Stove, these wild beasts are a beauty in their prime. Unfortunately this one looks as though it has seen better days. Unfortunately the cleaning and training this one needs would not be worth it. You know what they say, you can’t teach an old Viking Stove new tricks.
I say put it on a boat, set it on fire, and float it out into the ocean. Does rust burn?
Technically, rust is oxidation and fire is rapid oxidation, so rust is fire. Very, very, mind-numbingly slow fire. The salt water would make it rust faster.
I will put the pedantic stick away now.
So, what you’re saying sarajean, is that it can only make it prettier, eh?
I don’t think that’s possible. Just look at that lovely specimen!
*shudder*
I would be tempted to chuck it overboard and let it frighten the fishes.
My dad caught ‘hell-fire’ for trying to explain that same oxidation definition to his high school teacher. (He went on to start an Iron Foundry as the family business.)
Really?
That’s seems sort of odd.
I think I learned the whole rust-is-fire thing from chemistry class in high school, which would make this the first time I’ve used anything I learned in that class.
You said: “Technically, rust is oxidation and fire is rapid oxidation, so rust is fire. Very, very, mind-numbingly slow fire.”
Oh, sarajean80, I am so impressed! I love a scientist. Who said all that education was a waste? LOL
It’s true that rust and fire are both oxidation, but does that mean they’re the same thing? I am not sure—but the logic of SaraJean’s statement looks like this to me:
“Technically, bananas are yellow and ducklings are yellow, so bananas are ducklings. Very, very potassium-filled ducklings.”
I think a distinction between fire and rust is still useful. I have never cooked marshmallows over rust; blueberries aren’t flame-retardant, though they are loaded with anti-oxidants; WD-40 prevents rust but is plenty flammable.
I learned this many, many years ago in high school Chem classes so I might be wrong (been known to happen), but I think in terms of chemistry the processes are the same, they just happen at different speeds, i.e;
Rust is the reaction of oxygen(in water)and iron combining to produce iron oxide through oxidation (I think it also produces heat, but it is a very minute amount).
Fire is the reaction of a flammable substance and oxygen(in air) combining to produce heat and light (and various gaseous and solid byproducts) through rapid oxidation.
I do find the thought of toasting marshmallows over flaming blueberries very intriguing.
(I just meant that even if they involve the same process, there’s a useful distinction to be made between fire and other sorts of oxidation.)
I know, the edit feature cut me off before I could add that I knew it was fairly circuitous logic, I just wanted to point out (in my own smartass way) that in one sense of the word, the stove was on fire. Not what most people would consider fire, though.
The stove, the stove, the stove is on fire … we don’t need no water, let the mother-ruster burn, burn mother-ruster, burn …
Super. Now, if you guys are done squabbling, I’d like to throw in a vote for “potassium-filled ducklings” as a band name.
I think “Bananas Are Ducklings” might be more successful.
Yep. I am a professional fireman, and I can vouch that they are the same process. The difference is time and rate of sustainability.
Rust never sleeps. Neil Young taught me that.
I think it was already given a Viking burial.
Don’t think the Viking burial will work somehow – like my father always said: “You can lead a Norse to water……….”
“…but you can’t make him lutefisk.”
Well, you COULD, but it’d be gross.
… but you can’t stop the stink.
I was half expecting the ad to read: “Other than this stove containing less than half the hardware it requires and having been stored in a field during 3 blizzards, a tornado, and Hurricane Katrina, it is in great working-condition!”
But it has the drip pan! It says so!
You will notice the poster says nothing about it actually working, just that it’s been in storage and needs cleaning.
And a proper burial, which might explain why it’s out in that field.
Princess L – That struck me as weird, that they would mention the drip pan. It’s been a while since I’ve looked at appliances – is that really a selling point?
Considering the condition of the rest of the stove, it might be the ONLY selling point.
I’m pretty sure even a drip pan doesn’t qualify this wreck to sell for $700+ though. Unless it’s made of gold! Perhaps this is some sort of test, like trading the cow for magic beans?
My guess is that when those hillbillies were lookin at that thar stove thing scratchin thar haids some one said “drip pan” and since those were of the few words they could spell…
They warn about the carcinogens associated with charring your food on the grill… but the Viking here can cancer you up from 30 feet away.
The phrase “cancer you up” is going to haunt my dreams.
Much like this stove will.
“Cancer You Up” sounds like some kind of hardcore band.
Or a song. Like “Sex You Up.”
Most unsettling thing I have read in a while: a Harper’s article on contagious cancer.
Yes. For real. Contagious cancer.
Thanks, Isaac. First I hear about MORE cuts here at work, and now you’ve just informed me of CONTAGIOUS CANCER?
Dayum. I will never sleep again.
(Fortunately for us, it’s mainly a problem for Tasmanian devils.)
That was long. And scary.
But as a biologist, it was also very interesting.
What will evolution think up next?
navigates to YSaC
Sees the phrases “murder of crows” and “contagious cancer”.
navigates away from YSaC
It took a while to track this down (couldn’t seem to find it at the “source”), but here’s a link for anyone who doesn’t recognize the (awesome) reference in the title, or who has never seen kitties singing “The Immigrant Song.”
That’s what happened to the stove; it got in the way of the Hammer of the Gods.
Cried my makeup off trying to not laugh at this at work. Hilarious vid, isaac! I’ve been listening to Zep on my ipod lately (November suits them, to my mind) and so immediately got the headline. This is even better.
*brain aneurism*
..I think I just Valhalla’d in my pants a little. Robert Plant singing The Lemon Song should give you a visual.
Stud-Monk’s got way too much time on his hands. Of this I will truly give thanks for on Thursday.
Thanks for making my day!
“..I think I just Valhalla’d in my pants a little. Robert Plant singing The Lemon Song should give you a visual.”
Hope you’re wearing your eponymous slicker, hun!
… And thanks* for the visual.
*but not really
I think I left my eponymous slicker in the Agora….that could explain my being taken unawares.
Eponymous Slicker….I’d be a roadie for them!
I agree. That’s a good roadie name.
Better a roadie than a groupie.
oooh, thanks for that link, Isaac…I’d forgotten all about that video! laughed my butt off (a la Bloom County’s Opus), even with the sound off.
Wow, it’s like new! But my friends who have Viking persona in the SCA don’t use stoves, so I’m thinking it’s not a real Viking. More of a Erik the Viking than a Norse Saga Viking.
I want a Viking stove! It could pillage the kitchen! It was this very stove that centuries ago found the New World. Christopher Columbus claimed credit and that is why this stove has obviously let itself go and turned to the bottle for comfort. You can’t see it but there is a tarp set up under some trees off of the corner of this field and that is where this stove lives now. So hurry up and buy your very own homeless Viking stove.
*giggle*
I was just picturing this thing breaking into my Mother’s house and threatening her dishwasher. It then ran off with the good silverware and the microwave after tipping over the fridge.
I’ve just pictured the microwave being flung into the gaping maw of the Viking Stove and being carried off shrieking. Disturbingly, the microwave also has long wavy dark hair and sea-green eyes.
Mine has ice blue eyes and red curls.
It’s such a lovely sienna color. I thought Viking stoves were silver? Wait, it’s supposed to be silver? Oh, well, that’s OK. Let me take my Ford pickup off the blocks, and put some wheels on it, and I’ll come over and pick up the stove right away. As soon as I find some wheels for my truck. Oh, yeah, I have some on my roof, holding the tarp down. See you soon!
You’re right – this is definitely a Norse of a different color.
Groan! and Win!
I wish I had said that.
That pun… oh my God. That was simply fantastic. I can’t tell you how much I want to give you a high five right now. My hand is jerking around, pointing in your direction like a compass attracted to awesome.
Glad I’m not the only one who’s picturing this thing as some kind of Brave Little Toaster-esque villain. I just keep wondering when it’s going to spring to life, wheezing a plume of rusty dust, and going into a long monologue in a deep, grumbling voice.
I was hearing more of a whiny, creaking voice. Sort of like Gargamel from the Smurfs.
Is it posing in a field to signify:
“How soft your fields so green, can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war. We are young overlords.”
Or is the vibe more:
“So now you’d better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing.”
Maybe it’s just: “Ahhhhh-ahhhhhh-ahhhhhhhhhh-AH!”
“Ahhhhh-ahhhhhh-ahhhhhhhhhh-AH!”
gets my vote.
I didn’t even know that song had actual lyrics until I saw the viking kittens video.
This is so obviously not a Viking stove. It is lacking in both weaponry and interesting headwear, and is probably not very seaworthy.
Good points. On the other hand, I think an extremely fitting disposal of it would be to put it out to sea, on fire.
I was so sad when I learned that the Vikings did NOT actually have big horns on their helmets. Who knows why costume designers for operas decided that they did…
Really? Now my view of Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd in “What’s Opera, Doc?” will forever be sullied.
Clearly the Viking in question is Erik the Red.
I reckon it belonged to Olaf the Hairy – the one who ordered 300 viking helmets with the horns on the inside…
This was once a good little stove and it served its master well. So well, in fact, that when the master got a new, more high tech stove, the master rewarded it by putting it out to pasture.
Shooting it might be more merciful, in this case.
Or finding someone with access to high explosives.
You think the MythBusters could use a new stove?
Ohh I bet they would! Adam would run around maniacally in his silly “director’s voice” telling the stove what it’s inspiration is. And Jamie would just stand back, smirk a bit, and do his little “heh heh heh” laugh. Then they’d blow it up with about 14 pounds of C4. Another classic episode! (I do so love that show.)
This actually looks like an old Easy Bake Oven. One that was thrown into the garage after it burned your hand, and then years later you found it while cleaning out the garage. Now covered in rust, you’re loath to put a new bulb in to see if it still works.
It’s a mutated-to-giant, rusted Easy Bake Oven. I would not want to eat anything that was baked in there. Cf. “Cancer you up” reference above.
…if someone gave the Easy-Bake Oven steroids and a spray tan.
Perhaps its a slightly deaf Viking and heard “reaping and tillaging” rather than the usual Viking pursuits of raping and pillaging?
Ah, Zep. My son’s first festival was as backstage guest of Plant and Page! I was green with envy!
The rust really isn’t a big deal, as long as it’s not too deep – spray it with WD-40, let sit half an hour, and wipe and it’s gone. The real problem is that these stoves can weigh upwards of 250 pounds. You could find one in an antique shop which, including delivery, would cost less than it would cost to hire the burly guys needed to lift that stove into the back of your truck.
I think the rust has progressed past the WD-40 stage. It looks more like it’s in the leprosy stage.
Like if you wiped … pretty soon you’d be wiping nothing. After a while, you’d just have a pile of rust mixed with WD-40.
And that greasy puddle of rusted shards would creep into houses on dark, moonless nights as everyone rests deep in quiet dreams and steal the souls of little children. (Or pets if you have those.)
And instead of “Santa Claus is watching you”, Viking parents would entreat their unruly broods to behave by whispering “don’t make me feed you to The Pile.”
OK, I’m scaring myself now.
Coco, between you and isaac and work I forsee myself staring insomniacally into the dark at night for, oh, pretty much the rest of my life. Thanks!
“Needs an 8″ grate, 1 drawer and three knobs”
How easy would these things be to get? I wouldn’t want to pay $775 for this stove, pay the same again for burly guys to get it into my kitchen, and spend hours (days? months?) cleaning it, only to not be able to use it b/c of the missing parts.
I somehow doubt the seller would be any help, since he obviously never used the stove, and his mother can only just remember when *her* mother replaced it and put it out in the field to get it out of the way.
hi all,
flying visit as the germs have resurfaced with a vengence, heading back off hide under a duvet now *sniff* *cough*
poor dev! I hope you feel better soon ♥
Probably good that you can avoid the Viking stove.
Anyone like Viking puns:
Rune with a view?
A sight for Thor eyes?
He’s taken Lief of his senses?
Is he using Norse Code?
It takes a pillage to raze a child?
For this stove – What an eyeThor!
Yeah, he’ll be Loki if he gets $5 for it.
Yeah, any more than that would be Friggin’ Vilinous.
“Did you hear about this new widget from Apple that allows you to control thunder and lightning? It’s really cool, but the device comes with a hideous bunch of blinged-out runes on the cover. They’re calling it the iThor.”
Odin know, do you think there would be a big demand for that?
Not much, just Zoso.
This is the worst case of ‘flogging a dead norse’ I think I’ve ever seen.
Aw, c’mon, aren’t you Lofn at these?
I woden be able to start lofn. I have a thor throat.
I’m thinking this would be an ideal post for a troll……
Don’t be Yggdrasilly. The Norse / horse pun won’t get you Naglfar, my son. But I won’t take you to Ratatosk about it.
yeah OK – Aasgard-ed as I am, I think that this pun Saga Idun started is starting to become a bit of a Borr. Although Isaac is somewhat Baldr than I am, this is starting to do my Skoll in and I’ve forgotten how to Harr Harr, we’ve had enough Frigg-in’ puns to last until next Eostre. And I find it Wyrd when people name these gods but Muspellheim….”it’s Nott hard people!” – I’m tempted to Holle. I’ve stuck with this site through thick Othinn but that’s it – I quit – I’m off for a Laga.
Mrphysic – That actually made me lofn out loki.
I salute you and bow to the new regime, sir.
Meh, I thought they were a bit stiff if not actually Wotan – Well, unless you have Urðr ideas.
Tiwaz all worth it then. Mani thanks – finally I’ll be able to get a good night Sleipnir.
*Takes Gunn from Hod*
Suicide: Snotra-nked highly with me – there must be an Aesir solution.
(Lolo gets a point from me for using an eth in Urðr. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a perfecty Fen,ris pectable letter.)
Uh-Oh, I’m being moderated!
isaac –
I had to write using them in one of my history of the English language classes, back when we were doing the Beowulf-ish bit; my favorite, þough is thorn, þ. I had to look for it online tho as haven’t the faintest idea how to make it on a modern keyboard. That’s a good thing … what I was really tempted to do was Fuþark, but everyone was saved from that geekery by the lack of a runic keyboard, thank the pantheon.
http://www.graphicsmash.com/comics/brathalla.php
Don’t start Tyr, go back to Balder-Dash.
http://brat-halla.com/comic/1-balder-dash/
Enjoy!
well, let’s alert those folk at HGTV, and maybe they can work this into some great de-sign, NOT.
Ohhh…Viking Stove! I wonder if it belongs to Brett Farve? (Yes, I know I spelled his name wrong, but I’m one of the Minnesotans who is annoyed with him even though we have actually won a few games). If it belongs to him, it would be worth more than they’re asking. Although, it could have belonged to Randy Moss, or some former MN Vikings player.
Wolf vs. Viking is the Pirate vs. Ninja of the aughties.
Where do zombies fit in all of this?
Lots of parallels between Favre and this stove. He was old, too, and considered rusty. Put out to pasture (thx kelli) and attempting a comeback as a Viking. (I have no personal knowledge that he’s missing any of his knobs, though.) Maybe the stove will also end up in the Hall of Flame.
Back on topic: I’ve worked in commercial kitchens with worse-looking equipment. This may or may not be a reasonable deal depending on the condition of the parts; the rust, if it’s not too deep, can be removed or blacked over.
The big questions are the condition of the oven liners and the burners; replacing those can be pricey, and they do burn out. Fortunately, these older commercial ranges can be almost completely disassembled, sandblasted and/or pressure washed, and used for another fifty years. If this is still in good shape, it beats spending $3 – 5k on a new one, but if it’s in good shape, why was it abandoned?
Viking does not have the reputation of Garland for commercial ovens and ranges, and their “prosumer” line has a lot of repair problems. Nobody who buys this would use it in a home kitchen; it requires some serious ventilation and fire suppression capabilities to meet code. If you don’t know what you’re doing with one, it’s all too easy to sauté the chef and flambé the kitchen.