YSaC, Vol. 519: Now I just need some rims for my scooter!
PIMP ASS 5 pc King Size Bedroom set – $2200
Check it out…. I paid 3,600.00 Benjimans for this bedroom set at furniture row…..im selling it for 2,200.00 ***(nah fuck it 2000.00)*** .. for 2,000.00 you get the headboard (dark cherry wood/leather) , therputic mattress, ONE 9 drawer dresser, TWO 3 drawer night stands &a big ass mirror … Im telling this is a good dam deal….
You could go by thissame set up a Furniture Row for 3,600$$$$$ or you could by it from me and save 1600.00….
Hit me up @###-###-#### if your interested and want to check it out…. I can also send you pic’s(tried to post them but this slow ass computer ain;t fo shit….
This is obviously one hardcore baadass person. Clearly, their use of gangsta language marks them as a furniture seller not to be trifled with. Except for one thing. A “therputic” mattress? Somehow, I don’t picture Jay Z sitting up in his Craftmatic adjustable bed wearing a Snuggie, using The Clapper to turn off his television.
Come to think of it, I bet I know who posted this:
Thanks for the link, Maria!
I guess after the long days of walking on hard concrete tricking out his ‘hos and driving around with his hydraulics bouncing he might have developed back issues. Or someone popped a cap in his ass and the rehab specialist recommended the mattress.
This must be pretty common among the gangsta crowd – I mean, who can forget Snoop Dogg’s moving elegy for 2Pac, “The Motherf*****s Set His Sleep Number to Zero”?
I prefer Fifty Cent’s “Get Craftmatic or Die Trying,” myself.
pssst Lola, it’s Fitty Cent. This badass gangsta may hunt you down and pop a cap in your ass for gettin’ it wrong, yo.
Yes, I am deep Caucasian. We weren’t too thug in my suburban hood.
Mimi,
I live in the Bronx (yes, really)* and we are known to be more hardcore than Mr. Cent, who is from Brooklyn. So, if I want to say it FiFty, I will, and he can suck it up. Hey, no matter how he says it, he still spells it with the second F.
*Riverdale, don’t tell anyone. It’s seriously posh in parts and not a bit street. Shhh.
Lola,
I wasn’t worried about Mr. Cent coming after you. It was Mr. Pimpassbedroomset. He just seems so “hard core” with his bad therputic mattress self. 😉
As for the spelling I googled it as “fitty” (in an attempt to not make as ass of myself*) and got lots of results so thought that was how he spelled it.
*I seemed to have failed miserably once again. Well, we all have to be good at something.
Mimi, you haven’t failed, you’ve just become a victim of other peoples’ (possibly including “Fitty” himself) stupidity and/or ignorance. No need to apologize for others’ mistakes! You’re cool.
My new incognito name is going to be Ms. Pimpassbedroomset. That effin’ rocks. 😀
I believe the correct technology is pimpin’ hoes.
Without a picture, I’ll have to assume that a Pimp Ass bed is a bed that’s shaped like a pimp’s ass.
*bathes brain in boiling bleach*
*rinses brain in boiling holy water*
I still can’t get that picture out of my head. And now I’m afflicted with wondering, “What’s that smell like?”
Are you kidding, the way this baadass dude gets the biatches and hos to his pimp ass bed it…..
probably smells like him only.
…and what does it look like when there’s someone in it?!?
I was sold up to the big ass mirror part – who wants a mirror that makes your ass look big?
In fact, I’d pay real money for a mirror that did the opposite!
I’ll second that
I wonder if you could exchange it for a narrow-ass hand mirror? Or a slimmer-thighs compact? Perhaps a weight-proportional-to-height disco ball?
This guy probably has a … lengthening trick (mmm hmm, I said it) mirror on his bedroom ceiling.
My mind went there too, Lola. I could picture one of those curvy funhouse mirrors precariously duck-taped to the ceiling.
Duct tape? I was thinking glue stick and chewing gum.
They make colored duck tape now, so he could get purple to match the velvet bedspread, or gold to match his bling. Besides, the chewing gum might mess up his grill.
Hmm, or he could get “creative” and have alternating “lion” stripes of gold AND purple!
As for the gum, if he did go that route, I had assumed that he’d have the hoes do it as a favor to their man. ‘Cause you’re totally right – Hubba Bubba and a blinged-out grill? That would not be down. Or he would not be down with that. Or whatever the phrase is.
Sarajean, the gold would match his teeth, too, no doubt.
Actually I would like that mirror since I have a flat surface where my rear should be.
Ditto. Are we missing a market opportunity here? Figure correcting mirrors? Sell them on Craig’s List? $19.99–butt wait! *snort* There’s more!
There are always implants for the hiney-impaired. (I wouldn’t know, since I have more than enough to spare–but this is what I hear… http://www.buttockimplants.com/)
Then, maybe *this* could be you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le20RLGJVD8
(I am technologically challenged and cannot figure out how to do the word/linky thing. I fail at commenting!)
You could always invest in some Booty Pop, if you can’t find a big ass mirror.
What? No one else noticed that he paid “3,600.00 Benjimans” or $360,000 DOLLARS ($100 x 3600) for this bedroom set originally? You’re either getting a steal or this guy got fleeced…
Or his gangsta ways impeded his math skills. Or something. 🙂
No, see, you’re confusing Benjamins – vernacular for $100 bills – and Benjimans, the currency of the common undersized mixed-breed dog. The Benjamin-Benjiman exchange rate does vary according to market conditions, not the least of which are kibble and dog sweater futures, but the valuation based on recent trends make this amount plausible, at least to this financial analyst.
Dog Sweater Futures is definitely the most obscure band name ever.
Tonight only at Benjimans! Dog Sweater Futures, with special guest Big Ass Mirror.
There’s something about the “j” and the “i” together in Benjimans that looks like a foreign spelling – as if there’s an umlaut, yah. Which makes me go back and read the ad with a German accent in my head.
for me I hear it in my head with more of a Caribbean twist, so pronounced “benjimarns” but maybe I’m just odd.
I sure am glad you cleared that up – it was juuuust about to drive me crazy.
I thought someone had made an action figure of my sixth grade Social Studies teacher, Ms Benjiman, and this guy traded 3600 of them for his bedroom set. Stranger things have happened.
that site is amazing! I want a crazy cat lady.
I have one and it is AWESOME! There’s a board game too, but they’ve been out of stock forever. I also got a Parasite Pals bento box from them.
GAHH! Stupid edit feature took too long to pop up. It should be Parasite, not Paracite.
Archie McPhee FTW. Best. Gift site. Ever. (For my friends, anyway … my parents might not get it.)
I thought we established that one must have at least a dozen of anything to be a crazy at it. For instance, I have 80 plus birds. Therefore, I am a Crazy Bird Lady.
I have a collection of those – the Marie Antoinette doll (with decapitating head action!), the library lady, the crazy cat lady, and Rosie the Riveter. I love them.
I personally like the boss catapult. I think they have a bride and groom catapult too. If I haven’t imagined that, I want one. Oh, and the thing that will toast your bread so it looks like Jesus’ face. That way I can eat my holy toast at home and skip Eucharist on Sunday and it’ll still be chill with God, right?
Personally, I am a fan of the Narwhal Action Figure set, that I got my cousin for her 5th birthday without realizing how horrible it was. She was all about sea mammals until I gave it to her…
I think at one point (I haven’t found it on there yet) they had a narwhal v. unicorn set or something. That’s so wrong it’s right.
you mean this one?
http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Unicorn-vs.-Narwhal-Play-Set.html
*makes note to purchase for godchildren*
Yes.
Gotta love a company whose slogan is “Slightly less disappointing than other companies.”
Oh my gosh… is this stuff for real? How long has this been here and I not known about it??
Bless you, sarajean, bless you!
I seriously want the Tub o’ Flying Nuns and the Nun Chuck to fling ’em with. That would go just so well in my working environment. (Think ankle length robes designed 800 years ago. And that’s the men.)
I have the good fortune to live just across the Ballard River from the Archie McPhee store. They have an even greater assortment of oddities in the shop than they do on their website or in their catalogue.
The Archie McPhee store, and the American Science and Surplus store are two places I want very badly to visit, but have no other reason to visit those cities.
OMG, SARAJEAN!!! SCIPLUS to the rescue – My dad is HELLISH to shop for but I think I might have found where I’m going to get his gifties!!! THANK YOU!!!
*jumps up and down*
*hugs exuberantly*
Happy to help, Lola! It’s the best place for bargain geekiness.
altoid77:
He got fleeced fo’ shizzle—from Serta mattress sheep #12.
I’m late to this thread. That’s the FIRST thing I noticed about this deal. $2,200 (fuck it, $2,000) for a $360,000 bedroom set? That sort of devaluation comes from beating the shit out of your furniture. I’m not sure I’d want it.
Damn you, altoid77. I was going to comment on the faulty math but you beat me to it. But I’ll give you a + because I’m not bitter.
Really, I’m not.
Yep, noticed that too. Obviously this guy just wants to sound gangsta’, but doesn’t really know what the slang means.
I could go by thissame set at Furniture Row … and probably would keep right on going, by the sound of it. I prefer more modest, toned-down styles like Louis Cathouse.
Is this Furniture Row in Philadelphia? Crappy, baroque, mafioso-rec room-worthy, overpriced dreck, aka “pimp ass,” abounds there on a certain stretch of Chestnut Street, or did when I lived there. I can picture this bargain (if you’re blind and have money to burn) there all too easily.
“Rapper’s Delight” vid inclusion FTW, dan! Thank you, ostrimu!
Nah, this is the Furniture Row in Brownsville, TX from what I can find. It’s right next to Sofa King, where they make it “Sofa King Easy™!” for you.
But I want it “Sofa King Hard”…!
It’s “Sofa King Good”……! Always!!!!
AWWWW!!! Puppieeees!!! Your avvie, jg!
*composes self*
Ahem, sorry. As you were.
Those are my two babies, Rose and Izzie. Thanks for noticing!
how many coffees today Lola?
Not enough, dev. That’s me, tired, as opposed to me, caffeinated. I’m easily distracted by the cute, regardless of species.
I lived in Philly when I was young. W. Cumberland between 11th and 12th. Probably explains my perpetually bad attitude.
Ah, Furniture Row…the most gangsta of all the manufactured suburban shopping centers…
this slow ass computer ain;t fo shit
OK – this poster stole that phrase straight from my IT help desk tickets. Mfer.
I get those, too. Usually people who want to know why our website is making their computer run so slow.
And I quote:
“Dis ting busted affer I dropped it. Yous need to make betr comppys so dey don break.”
There is a better pool in my office as to whether this is a joke orchistrated by my boss or if we really do have this person working here. It made its way onto my list today, so I guess we’ll see. Oh and the best part, ticket submitter:
“Dr. William Stuart Randal III M.D.”
I just… no.
For humanity’s sake I hope it’s your boss. In light of reality (as viewed as a reader/commenter on YSAC), it probably isn’t.
You would think with that kind of eloquence it would be a PhD, not an MD.
You’re going to have to keep us updated, tm. I’m curious as to what this fellow looks like.
I did have someone call today and wanted to know how she could make a cash withdrawl( I work for a credit union) from her account using her home computer.
That was me sj. I thought this slide-out tray thingy was a money dispenser. I realize now that it is a retractable coffee mug holder. I’m so confusable…….
Doesn’t that work? You just print out the cash. But only print out one set. It’s an honor system.
Only after you e-mail me your Social Security number, Credit Card number, copies of your driver’s license and credit card, and PIN. Then I’ll forward you the link to print out your own money. I promise.
sj80: And his mother’s maiden name, and the city of his birth; don’t forget that.
Maybe if he had tried to upload Pic’s On Myspace as a text file, instead of a large PDF, the computer’s speed wouldn’t have been a problem.
Does he have the proper permissions to be emailing that work to random inquirers? There may be some copyright infringement going on. Maybe the PDF he has is protected, which is causing the issue.
Yep. Nothing says “Big Pimpin'” like a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. What’s next? Wilford Brimley being replaced by Fitty as the spokesman for Diabeeeeetus supplies?
And oatmeal. 80
Did you just quote Dr. McNinja??
I’m taking a poll: To which ethnic group do you think the poster belongs?:
a. White
b. Caucasian
c. European Descent
d. Non-asian, non-african, non-hispanic, non-pacific islander American
e. All of the above
oh I think e is the safest bet there.
That’s a trick question.
The poster is obviously from Crackuh-stan.
He’s related to Borat, so … Azerbaijan (sp?) or Uzbekistan or wherever. He’s selling the set because he is now poor and no longer has sexy time. With anyone.
Thanks for excluding Kyrgyzstan.
I love Kyrgyzstan! Their name has 10 letters, only one of which is a vowel.
I’ve actually met some Kyrgyz here. They seem pretty cool.
Kyrgyzstan is a fascinating place. It’s like a train full of Soviet Russian culture ran headlong into train of southeast/central Asian ethnicity going the opposite direction.
ok, if no-one else is going to stoop…..
In soviet Russia ass pimps you
where is Ed anyway, anyone know?
In Soviet Russia, Furniture Row bys from u.
I think yours is better than mine, but I blame the cold, my brain wont work below a certain temperature. not that it works that well then either of course.
Nonsense, it was delightful. Although you northern Europeans do live through some pretty dang cold winters.
tell me about it, my feet are freezing!
ok so it’s only dropped to -2°C so far today (or 28°F if you prefer) and that’s nothing compared to what a friend in Canada is currently suffering, but damn it it cold to me.
Poor Dev! I hope you’re dressed warmly.
It’s actually snowing where I am. Not much, less than half an inch, but this is the South and any sight of a flake sends panicked people to the stores in droves. Sort of like hurricane season but without the sense of impending doom.
In Soviet Russia is no good dam deal. In Soviet Russia deal dams you good.
Where is Ed?
just heard on the news that the snow and ice in some areas of the UK has caused cancelled trains and flights etc. I’m so glad I’m not planning on going further than the local bar this Christmas, as that’s only a 10 minute walk maximum.
In Soviet Russia, work Eds for a living.
I only do the Soviet Russia stuff because at one point it clearly annoyed Igor. I’m ALL ABOUT annoying people.
sorry Ed, I sometimes forget about the time difference. But the comments just wouldn’t be the same without at least one “in Soviet Russia” a day, things would seem lacking somewhat.
In Soviet Russia, people are all about annoying you!
(Actually, that’s true here in the States, as well.)
EEEEEEEEEEE!
Now, just out of curiosity.
I know that when I want to look at my ass, I prefer the biggest ass mirror available. But my question is for the ladies. What size ass mirror do you like? If I’m going to make an investment in a pimp ass bedroom set including an ass mirror, I want to make sure I’m not wasting my time and money.
(I really hope the girl read this).
m4w
U wuz at Furniture Row, chekkin out small mirrors. I wuz chekkin out yo azz in da mirror when I wuz tryn out the bed.
If u remember, hit me up @###-###-#### if your interested and want to check it out….
I want a small ass mirror. My ass is plenty big enough, thank you very much!
Should it be “ass-mirror”?
How is a furniture set a good dam deal? Is he throwing in shares of the Hoover Dam?
So happy my last final is over so I can waste more quality time here
I am reminded of the Hoover Dam tour guide from National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation.
“Welcome everyone. I am your dam guide, Arnie. Now I’m about to take you through a fully funtional power plant, so please, no one wander off the dam tour and please take all the dam pictures you want. Now, are there any dam questions?”
I just gotta say…this reminds me SO much of BigDogEatChild’s sketch comedy. Except it’s real. If anyone hasn’t seen BigDogEatChild, check them out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0gb9v4LI4o
That’s the one it reminds me of.
But this is a great sketch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPkMUU9tUqk&feature=channel
Does the bed come with cup holders for my Krunk Mug and my Pimp Cup?
Cuz I’m tired of spilling malt liquor on my bed all the time while I’m pimping…
You need to get shock absorbers installed when you get the neon blacklights put in underneath. (And the matching purple velvet bedspread trimmed in “lion”-striped fur.)
As with the lion rug from a few days ago, blacklights could be problematic.
Because of the all the pimp stains.
From the malt liquor, I mean.
Malt liquor.
Right.
Because that’s the first thing I think when someone says “pimp stains.”
Of course, some of it might have been malt liquor at one point…
I’ve finally figured out what the title has been reminding me of:
those motorized scooters for the elderly/disabled, which in the UK are apparently called a “shopmobility” (I’m not making this up, google the word as a graphic and you’ll see). The Welsh rap collective Goldie Lookin’ Chain (GLC – example song title: “Guns Don’t Kill People, Rappers Do”) has a member named DJ Shopmobility.
I suspect that DJ Shopmobility has fallen on hard times/poor album sales and must now sell his orthopedic big-arse pimp bed. The listing for the scooter/shopmobility with the flashing rims and trick hydraulics will be posted next week …
Gah! I just tried for the 3rd or 4th time to sign up for the YSaC forums and it says my email has been reported as a spammer. Say what??? As they say in lolcatspeak, I can haz help plz?
This is what you need to do:
Step 1: Register for new gmail account.
Step 2: Re-register for the forum.
Step 3: ????
Step 4: PROFIT!
pfft Whatcha wanna go and make it all easy like for, Graham? I’ll make (yet another) “bonus” e-mail account and try again. If that fails I’ll go cry to the llama-nun web boss lady and see if she can get the hypno-dogs to hook me up.
That’s going to be the new catchphrase now with all the cool kids: “Hypno-Dogs hooked me up.”
Let us know if it worked. If not, I may have to rework my money-making strategy.
You might want to message the llama-nun. I had problems to begin with but she fixed them right up.
Yeah, a lot of us seem to have that experience. Just write to the submission address, and the llama-nun or ostrimu totally hooks you up.
Mimi, did you get this worked out? I was out all day today and didn’t see this post until just now (now being 11:30 pm).
I got it worked out. I got a new gmail account and it didn’t help. The forum gods apparently didn’t like “Mimi” as the login. My poor, poor besmirched name! But it’s all better now and I have the bonus of having a new junk e-mail address to lure spammers into.
p.s. and now I don’t know what happened to my gravatar! *sigh* I’ll fix it tomorrow.
If you log onto the forum areas, when you post in the comments it uses that email. You might have to register your new gmail with Gravatar.
Yeah, I figured that out just as I finished typing that. But as it was midnight and I was falling out of my chair I didn’t feel like fixing it then. 🙂 Thanks everyone for the help and feedback. YSaC posters are the bestest* people EVER!
*I do know this word doesn’t exist. I just can’t restrain myself when I’m feeling happy.
I don’t know what you heard about me
But a bitch can’t get a nightstand out of me
No armoire, no matress , you can’t see
That I’m a motherfucking P-I-M-P
Dude wanted to sell his baby’s crib, but he wasn’t sure what to call it.
Dawg 1: Yo Dawg, checkitowt! Ah got a rite-chuss crib fo sale.
Dawg 2: Cool playa, Ah need a new place to bring mah shorties. Ol’ lady tossed my ass out.
Dawg 1: No Dawg, you ain’t gettin’ it. I’m not selling my crib, I’m sellin’ my crib.
Dawg 2: 😐
Not the craw, the craw! So not pc but I love this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftgAG3Vnif8
In da hood, crib sellz you!
Duuuuuuuuuudes,,,,,,we just had our holiday party att work,,,,duuudes,,,checkit out,,,have a happy holidays and….fuck it,.. i’ll throw in a HAPPY NEW YEAR too,,,,peace out.
Doooooooood!
You’re not going to start posting about hamburger, are you?
I estimate that Colleen will be unconscious in three to four hours.
Holiday drunk posting FTW!
Colleen’s not the only one. That’s all I have to say about that.
Almost time to warm up the eggnog and drip in the brandy (because I can’t take much of the stuff) and then you are in for some really raunchy post–zzzzzzzz
Benjamins are $100s anyway so is he saying he originally bought it for 3,600,000? That’s a pretty big mark-down, it must have some scratches or stains.
The mattress is stained. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
Hi – just checking in. My friend has a mirror that makes anyone’s ass look small – a wonderful thing first thing in the morning and last thing at night. For her the shock was then seeing her ‘real’ shape in the gym mirrors. I personally am working on a means of letting the mirror be ‘me’ and just be the speaking voice behind it. Maybe they’ve got them on CL ?
* as I’m now in Goa I’m off to the beach now for some serious sunning, resting, reading, and the occasional paddle*
I wonder what an ass computer could be for, if not for shit. What else could it be computing?
A new haiku for me to plagiarize? 😉