YSaC, Vol. 544: This too shall pass.
2010 January 12
Help Desk Associate – Part Time
IT HELP DESK ASSOCIATE part-time, 20 hours per week
Temporary assignment that could become temporary for the right candidate.
It’s good to know that if I make a good impression, work hard, and really perform well in this job, I may be able to advance from a temporary position to a temporary position!
Does this mean that if I’m actually the wrong candidate for the job, they’ll keep me forever?
Well spotted, Paul!
That’s how I became CEO of AIG. I was the wrong person at the wrong time, and they just couldn’t let me go. 80
Wow, super temporary and part-time? Do I get to pay for my own health insurance, too? I hope they don’t allow for sick days… *fingers crossed*
IT HELP DESK ASSOCIATE???
What a power title for corporate vagueness [temporarily of course]! Better have the business cards printed in disappearing ink as you dress to impress.
Contact Pennywise@hotmail.com in ##########, Maine. Must love kids and know how to float small paper boats down drain sewers.
26 years later, that book is still giving me nightmares.
When you’re down here with us, you’ll float too.
That line alone used to give me nightmares. Which I guess is why you shouldn’t watch IT alone when you’re 9. I suppose my mother did know something after all…
Yeah, that line, along with your serious “he was such a nice boy, who woulda known?” picture…not creepy in a serial killer way AT ALL.
One more reason I’m afraid of clowns. It also made me a little bit scared of Tim Curry, which is somehow more pathetic.
I’m so very glad I’ve never seen that movie. I would be devastated if I had to find myself even a little afraid of Tim Curry.
No clown more scary than Depressy. Depressy scare IT clown. Ha ha ha…
You are dead to me, Depressy. š
Depressy decide who dead!
Okay, now I’m scared.
Where’s Kanye to straighten out this Depressy whippersnapper? Pennywise is the scariest clown of all time. OF ALL TIME!!
I’m upset about my Gravatar not working, Georgie.
Yo Depressy, I’m real scared for you, I’mma let you finish, but Pennywise was the most horrifying psychotic clown of all time. Of all time!
Thank you, Kanye (the assiest clown of all time).
Homie don’t play that.
If it’s the typical office, dan’s got it exactly right.
The right candidate – capable and sharp, who knows what he’s doing – will remain part-time.
The wrong candidate – stump-dumb, lazy, lost – will go full-time (and, soon, on to management).
http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-or-the-office-according-to-the-office/
Thank heaven for the visual aid pyramid in that treatise! I only wish they’d have used a few more crayons to color it.
SOooooo glad I work in corprademia.
MrWhite, you reminded me of something …
A law firm partner, who was a great person and a hard worker, and who deserved being voted to the partnership, told me that when she sees someone whose apparent success can’t be accounted for by work, intelligence, personality, alma mater, or, failing those things, family connections, she reminds herself that while the cream may rise to the top, that, also, “Sh*t floats.”
Ah yes, which is how I had my hours cut to part time after taking on extra shifts, at 3 and 4 in the morning, much less, and my co-worker who I was covering for, who didn’t show or call in to work for a week, was promoted.
Oh wait…she’s also my managers “special friend”. Guess I shouldn’t have turned down that “promotion” when offered.
“Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
Darn. All this post does is make me pray harder for the BBC to make another season of IT Crowd.
there you go Heather, you’ve already mastered the role, you’re bound to get the job.
Glad I’m not the only one who was thinking of The IT Crowd. (I haven’t even seen IT, so I can’t say anything about it.) This post definitely sounds like it came from the show, especially since the wrong candidate is the one who will end up with a permanent, higher position. Skills wanted: Must know how to handle the box that contains the whole Internet. It doesn’t weigh anything, but if put in the hands of the right candidate (since they’re only temporary), it could end up causing a major catastrophe. Planes would fall from the sky!
On another note, I’ve heard that the show is coming back this summer, I think.
[corey] It’s Channel 4, not the BBC [/corey]
But it is superbly funny.
Actually, my husband is interviewing for a job which could be described this way (not the IT part, the temporary becoming temporary part).
He’s interviewing for a short-term, part-time job (better than no job at all!). One of the permanent employees will be taking some kind of leave for a month, and my husband was offered her job as well while she’s out, if they like him.
But since I doubt that’s what this poster meant:
Proofreading fail!
::snarks at those who don’t look over their work::
::reads over own post *very* carefully::
::more snark::
My guy was just placed by a temp agency in something like this. He took on a temporary position, but they like him so much they want to keep him. But they DON’T want to pay him what he’s worth, or give him health insurance. They have a brilliant solution: bounce him around from position to position, each temporary, all the while keeping him on the same project. TECHNICALLY he’s changing places in the company, at the same desk, during the same hours, doing the same work.
He’s just glad to be working, for now, even if he doesn’t have to.
This reminds me of a comedian I once saw (can’t remember the name) who said “Do you know what minimum wage means? It means they would pay you nothing if they could.” They like him, but not enough to treat him right.
I get paid market rate for my job, area, and experience. First. Time. Ever. Not only do I like that, it’s the first job I am truly happy at, partly because the place isn’t run by total sociopaths. They’re still threatening cuts, and, cynic I am, assume that because I actually like it here, I will naturally get booted. Going to enjoy it while it lasts … Hmm, probably should get back to work, too.
I work for a labor union. A few years ago, we had a big fight with one of our jurisdictions who were keeping ‘temp’ employees on for ages and never making them permanent (therefore, never giving them raises or benefits). One woman had worked at the same “temp” job for 14 years! We got her (and others) benefits and retroactive raises.
Ladycrim, you are my hero!
IT HELP DESK. DESK FLAT SURFACE, HOLD STUFF UP. DESK LOST LEG. IT HOLD DESK CORNER UP.
IT HELP DESK ASSOCIATE. DESK NOT GOOD AT MAKING CONNECTIONS. IT TAKE DESK TO PARTIES, HOOK DESK UP.
IT PUT LOTION IN BASKET OR IT GET HOSE.
Right person could become temporary.
+ A LOT!
Very glad to see you back, Isaac!
I’m glad to be back. Actually, I’ve been lurking lightly for a few days, giving +1s and waiting to see if I had anything clever to say. I’m pretty busy gearing up for the spring semester, so I probably won’t get loquacious for a week or two.
“Lurking lightly” sounds like some kind of weird sugar/cream/anything-natural substitute that would be sold in the “health food” isle of my local supermercado.
Also, it’s a great name for an 80’s Pop covers band.
Hey, Isaac’s back!
Now, if we could only track down Igor…
In Soviet Russia, DESK HELP IT.
All of a sudden all I can think of is:
I HAVE FURY!
Wait…I thought I had Fury. Okay, I’ll share.
I thought you had Furry…?
I waxed.
*giggle*
(I waned.)
+1 for the creepiest use of “temporary” I have read in a long time.
+1000 for Silence of the Lambs reference. Well played indeed! š
CEO needed, excellent demotion prospects, right candidate could go straight to the bottom.
..or straight to Motel 6 prison (“We’ll leave the light on for you.”)
Good to see you back tm!
Thanks MS, I did miss the mutual stalking.
I was on vacation so the snark might be a bit rusty for a few days.
Rusty Snark would be a good cover album for Parasitic Snarkiness.
That’s because Rusty Snark never sleeps!
Sounds like a boat name to me, the USS Rusty Snark.
Actually while on vacation I was served a really good drink called the Rusty Snark:
2 oz Vodka
2 oz Orange Schnapps
4 oz White Soda
5 Rusty Nails
Shake spirits with nails until blended and slightly brown. Strain into a glass filled with ice and top with white soda. Garnish with a Tetanus booster.
I just realized that “Mutual Stalkers” would be a great band name.
TM: Their first single could be a reworking of the Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” – “Don’t Stand So Close to Me and I won’t Stand So Close to You, Either.”
Our friends are so jealous, you know how Facebook gets…
Mmmm, lockjaw-y.
Do we now need a “That’s a great name for a drink” post?
Go for it, Meredith. I second the idea.
I’ll have a second drink, too …
Ah, recession money-saving strategies. I know some people who have been “temps” for years now.
I have friends working in government, who have been sacked because of budget cuts to the department, given a huge payout, and then immediately re-hired through a temp-agency, earning more per hour than when being paid directly by said department. One was hired back by Govt, the other is still temping years later. Do I think bureaucracy is run by money-wasting incompetent sociopaths? Don’t start me.
In my last job, a coworker and I repeatedly told each other, based on our experiences there, “There’s no reward for competence.”
Yeah, they just told my guy that they want to keep him on, but they can’t pay him as much as he’s making now. But he could be there for several years at least as long as they bounce his title around.
He’s working for the Baltimore Public School System. Shocking, I know.
For what it’s worth, I’m a product of the Baltimore Public School System.
For that you get +1
I would think that a major qualification for an “IT Help Desk Associate” would be attention to detail. So by answering the ad, you’ve already proven that you’re not the right candidate.
Cousin IT requires Help Desk Associate, maybe temporary or temporary – depends upon the candidate.
Thing and Lurch also looking for temporary temporaries, so bring your friends.
omg, this is the perfect job for me. 20 hours a week and forever temporary! The anticipation would kill me!
For the record, using the sociopath label hurts the feelings of the sociopaths. I believe its “antisocial personality disorder”, or possibly “dissocial personality disorder” are acceptable. We certainly wouldn’t want to offend the sociopaths or anything.
In Soviet Russia, sociopaths offend you!
Oh, wait. . .
Irregular Fractal, report to the IT Help Desk to get your card punched and your connection upgraded. Hur hur hur.
And off topic for a moment, Not. A. Lion. Muffins! SQUEEE!
http://epicute.com/2010/01/11/tiger-muffins/
Windrose – they were the cutest Not.A.Lions ever – all with different faces. Whoever has time to decorate muffins with personalities? Also according to the comments the year of the tig … sorry the Year of the Not. A. Lion is coming! Given my avatar that’ll be good.
I’ve sent this ad to my friend – she’s been working for the past 5 years as a permanent temporary.
Sounds like a good excuse for a year-long party to me!
ātiger muffinsā slang for something, possibly to do with golf?
Golf? Sorry, I don’t get the connection. (Yeah, right. I do live under a rock, after all.) 8)
In that case, Windrose – you are truly blessed……….
At first glance, this ad looks like “IT’S HELP DESK ASSOCIATE TIME!” which reminds me of the official motto of Billings, Montana: “IT’S BILLINGS!” (I am not making this up.)
Dear PR person from Billings who clearly wrote this: nothing is that exciting. Thank you.
IT’S BILLINGS! “ILL” is our middle name!*
*Loosely contrived from Indianapolis’ old motto which stated: “Move over New York. Apple is our middle name” (Apparently , besides being overly inflated, they can’t spell in Indy either)