YSaC, Vol. 554: Dan wrote this title.

2010 January 22

looking for a writer who knows how to impress women


Busy executive is looking for a good writer to send emails on his behalf in “match.com” .

Wait a minute … I think I’ve seen this movie before. (And you know, now that I think about it, it seemed familiar then, too.)

I can see it now … Mr. Executive (played by Ewan McGregor) hires a homely but charming young writer (Michael Cera) to write and send his emails. Hijinks ensue, and the love interest (Natalie Portman) ends up falling in love with the writer at the end, to no-one’s great surprise.

The name of the movie could be Will Write for Snacks.

Jenn brought this to my attention — thanks!

271 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 January 22
    Windrose permalink

    This could give writers a bad name.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 22
      Tacomagic permalink

      I think things like “The Shadow God” and “Atlanta Nights” already provide that bad name.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 22
      Meredith permalink

      All I hear is, “You give love, a bad name”

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 January 22
        Steve-O permalink

        Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          I’m having flashbacks of Markx2 on DateWrecks.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22
        Meredith permalink

        Ugh, Graham, don’t remind me. I had one of those stalkers myself on OkCupid. Blech.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          One that becomes verbally abusive and infantile when he’s rejected?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          “One that becomes verbally abusive and infantile when he’s rejected?”

          Dude, they’re everywhere!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          Whew, I thought it was just me.

          Adores: 2
  2. 2010 January 22
    sarajean80 permalink

    My already low opinion of skeevy men who has just sunk even lower.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 22
      sarajean80 permalink

      Stupid edit feature cut me off. That should say;
      My already low opinion of skeevy men who troll for dates on the internet has just sunk even lower.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 January 22
        Tacomagic permalink

        Tell me about it Sarajean, I couldn’t agree with you more.

        So uh, by the way, what are you doing tonight?

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Calling your wife.

          Don’t wait up β™₯

          Adores: 25
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          Kinky.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Kinky? Is that where your eponymous taco reference comes into the picture?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Steve-O permalink

          Oh Lawdy, I never saw the Tacomagic reference there until that Lola.
          Any ideas how to get coffee out of the keyboard?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Ed Snyder permalink

          I still think of him as Gic from Tacoma. My vote is for a name change to Spokanegic.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22

          I look forward to the next iteration of his name, T-Gic. It sounds much better than Yakimagic.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          Actually I lived in Olympia. And OlyGic is just weird looking… and sounds like some form of wasting disease.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          Emesis permalink

          I dunno; I think OlyGic sounds kind of like some sort of lubricant.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          When I lived near Spokane we called it SpokeaVegas. SpokeaGic meshes just fine with that, even if not quite geographically accurate.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22

        I saw it as Tacoma as well. Until the Taco hat incident. Thank God he’s not Port Townsendgic, like me. They have enough magic with all their Wicca and Earth festivals.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 22
        Steve-O permalink

        Spokane is my closest city of any size and we call it SpoCompton, and Spokanistan. I dont hear the SpokaVegas line too much, Lola. I also found on Google: Spokansas, Spoklahoma, Spokangeles and Methlehem. I love INW humor.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          Steve-O permalink

          I expect to hear from Spo-Kanye anytime. Hah! I just thought of that!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22

          Yay nice to know you’re breathing my air.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Steve-O – I’d bet heavily that most of the people who call it “SpoCompton” have never actually been to South Central LA, and also would crap themselves if they did. They have no idea of how bad it is vs. how bad things can actually be … I write that as someone who lived in that area, and who now lives in the Bronx (and who has seen some pretty bad parts of north Philadelphia, too).

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          mudslicker permalink

          I think I’ve heard it called SpoTucky.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23
          Frenchy permalink

          Lived there all my life and Methlehem seems to fit best now. Four houses on the block next to my best friend all got shut down for making meth. I’m glad I moved away from it all out here in Spokane Valley. *sigh*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23
          Steve-O permalink

          Nice. I live up in Sandpoint.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 22

      Don’t judge all of us skeevy guys based on one jerk, sarajean.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 January 22
        tacomagic permalink

        Yeah, I’d hate to give stand up skeeze like GrahamT a bad name with my lurid antics.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Now playing: Hugemantic Bores, with supporting act Stand Up Skeeze.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Playing hits from their new album, Lurid Antics.

          Adores: 6
      • 2010 January 22
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Hey Graham, that reminds me. You never paid me for all the post I wrote for you when you were flirting with HHNF!

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 January 22

          *innocently* Why, Bianchi, I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.

          (Look, I lost my PayPal password, I just need another day, okay?)

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22

        *big doe eyes* How…how could you? I feel so used! what, did you think I’d never find out? *runny nose….weird crying face*
        You just wait until my brother hears about this. All the re-generating powers in the world won’t help you when Nick gets ahold of you.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          B-but– There was this evil corporation and Germany… too busy to write… I thought…

          Oh God, please don’t be Nick Fury.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22

        He really doesn’t like people that hang out in Germany.
        I thought no one would catch Nick Fury. Guess I’m not the only nerd here.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          HellHathNoFury. Nick Fury. What is he, your uncle or something?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22

          If your brother is Nick Fury, I’m afraid we’re going to have to stop not seeing each other.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          lareina permalink

          I now have a mental image of Samuel L. Jackson beating up Graham. It’s not pretty, and yet…oddly compelling.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22

          It wouldn’t be the first time I was beaten up by Samuel L. Jackson. Apparently he doesn’t take kindly to being called “Mr. Glass” and shoved down a flight of stairs.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 January 22
          Meredith permalink

          Graham, you are my soul-mate.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Room. Get one.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22

          Of all the things that a male could say that would elicit that response from a female, I would place my previous comment in exactly last place. You are a treasure, Meredith.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Back off, dead man, I saw her first!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Roooooommmmmm!

          Adores: 8
      • 2010 January 22

        Do I *look* like a bitch?
        Stop not seeing each-other? Um, that can be taken two ways.
        1. with food
        2. With too much alcohol

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          Umm, can I have the food and alcohol sampler?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          “that can be taken two ways”
          Orally and … what?
          Oh, God, please don’t tell me what the other option is.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          lareina permalink

          Intravenously, Lola! Get your mind out of the gutter!

          Adores: 6
      • 2010 January 22

        Mm spiced rum and venison roast….

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          Bacon Martini!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22

          You’re making me reconsider not not seeing you anymore…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          Uh… I’ve moved on Graham, you’ll just have to accept that.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          lareina permalink

          Forget the room, you’re going to need a conference hall to hold the lot of you…

          Adores: 15
        • 2010 January 22

          But… I showed you a sexy picture of myself and everything!

          Adores: 2
  3. 2010 January 22
    Windrose permalink

    Dere buzy, I kin write gud ezmails. Pls hiur me. KTHXBAI

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 January 22
      sarajean80 permalink

      Deer burd laydee, U sownd liek ah gud ryetin persin. Dew U hab refferincs?

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 January 22
        Sosij permalink

        I think you mean, “I can haz refferincs?”

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          I thought about it, but it was painful enough to write that heaping mont du merde. My left eye is still twitching.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 22
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Buzzy! I didn’t realize you were ghost-writing for Windrose!

      Adores: 3
  4. 2010 January 22

    I’d see that movie.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 22
      sarajean80 permalink

      It feels like I already have.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 January 22
        MsDolfinn permalink

        More than once.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          Stephanie permalink

          Chances are, it’s on TV right now.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          On Lifetime, where else?

          Adores: 2
  5. 2010 January 22
    Windrose permalink

    So what if he hires a woman to write the emails, and falls in love with her, but she falls in love with some random poster on a blog that makes fun of people who post on social networking sites? I may have to stay home today and finish this story!

    Adores: 16
    • 2010 January 22

      Good start Windrose. But you need a few more twists. What if the random poster is a man that was hired by a woman executive to write emails on her behalf? And the woman executive falls in love with the guy she hired. And then the 2 executives finally meet and find out they were childhood sweethearts and fall in love again. And now there is a love rectangle.

      Still more twists needed…….

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 January 22
        Tacomagic permalink

        It turns out that the other executive is actually one the run from the law. He’s trying to find the real killer of his dead wife, who happens to be the writer hired by the other executive.

        Keep it coming people.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          The hired killer/ghost writer is a former double agent who took on the writer cover to avoid being killed by any of the dozens of former enemies he accumulated during his time as a covert operative.
          (Don’t ask me about the romance part. I’m feeling burnt and bitter, kind of like my coffee, right now.)

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 January 22
          Ed Snyder permalink

          One word… aliens.
          Another word… robots.
          A third word… dystopian.

          Adores: 17
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          (A little romance for you, Lola)

          And then the busy executive reveals to his lover/ghost writer/assassin that he is in fact an alien sent to earth to impregnate women.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 January 22
          Meredith permalink

          Two more words: Virtual. Reality.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 January 22
          jackie31337 permalink

          But in the end, it turns out that it was all just a dream. πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 January 22
          Emesis permalink

          …it was all just a dream, so you roll over and snuggle up to your tentacled robot lover.

          Okay, you may all continue. I have successfully brought the plot back into the squeaky door room genre.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          We’ve been Deus Ex Machina’d.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 January 22
          Traveler permalink

          And then, you and your tentacled robot lover see Godzilla’s eye peeking from outside the bedroom window…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          Windrose permalink

          Stop that! It’s too late to get the tentacled robot lover out! Pick up the rest of your toys and get your homework done.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 22

        I used to read Word Up magazine.
        Have you lovingly nicknamed your tentacled robot lover Cthulhu?

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          And knitted it a lovely purple dress with matching tentacle-warmers?

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 22
      Tacomagic permalink

      Don’t you hate it when you find your typo right as the Ajax time expires?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22
        sarajean80 permalink

        Half the time the little timer never pops up, or pops up with ten seconds left. I think it’s my work computer’s fault, it rarely happens at home.

        Adores: 2
  6. 2010 January 22
    JuneJenny permalink

    I met my husband on an online personals site (match and eharmony didn’t even exist back then, I don’t think). I had absolutely nothing in common with anything he listed in his profile. The ONE thing that made him infinitely more attractive than any other guy on the site: his ad was written without a single grammar error. After all the grammatical travesties I had been forced to endure, he was an instant winner.

    Turns out that his ex-girlfriend wrote the ad for him. πŸ™‚

    Adores: 35
    • 2010 January 22

      JJ – That’s hilarious.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 22
      Lola permalink

      As someone who has tried more of those sites than I want to even think about, much less admit, I know exactly what you’re talking about … except for the “met my husband part.”

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 January 22
        tacomagic permalink

        I hear you Lola. I tried 3 dating sites in my desperation. I never got anywhere with any of them. In fact I never even recieved a response to my posting until after I was already engaged to my (now) wife.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Taco,
          If you ever want to lose your faith in humanity almost completely, check out the NYC m4w CL listings. It’s either geriatric, probably herpetic and ugly sugar daddies, dudes seriously into the D of BSDM, random a$$holes who are volunteering to knock you up because “you professional women all want babies but can’t find a man” (yes, but I’d like her/him to have a father, and they rarely want that part of the deal), guys who have no idea how to market themselves (unflattering pictures, d!ck shots – clothed and not), ads that are so long and gasbaggy you know they’re single because they’re a hugemantic bore, and the like. Most of it is as badly-composed as the ads on here.
          I met my ex there. He took the time to write well, even though it did not come easily to him, and that counted for a lot.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          My faith in humanity was destroyed long ago. Any further evidence of the failure of mankind as a species is only funny at this point.

          Well, it was funny to begin with actually.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m nominating “Hugemantic Bore” as band name of the day.

          I think that sort of mix shows up on all the m4w listings, Lola, there’s just more people in NYC so there are more ads. I glance through every once and a while for a giggle. Last time there were no fewer than four men looking for lactating or pregnant women and three advertising themselves as “babby daddies”.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          I think you’re right Sarajean, the sheer overwhelming volume of obnoxiousness/cluelessness/uggghh in NYC may be what makes it worse. And I’ve seen the guy who wants the lactating woman. I can’t tell if it’s several different guys or the same one with a couple of different rotating ads.

          Hugemantic Bore is a bunch of self-absorbed hipsters whose name was suggested by one of their girlfriends; she was being ironic, and they couldn’t tell. She is now an ex-girlfriend, because she needs someone who pays enough attention to her to get her jokes.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          Actually the most faith crushing moment was the following conversation with the replier to my online posting:

          I’m paraphrasing here since this was bout 4 years ago:

          “I’m sorry to have to be this kind of person, but I’m not longer looking for a relationship. Since opening this profile I’ve since met a woman and become engaged, I simply forgot about my profile. I’ll be removing it after I finish this reply. Again, sorry about that.”

          “It’s ok, I understand. I don’t suppose you’d still be interested in fooling around? I’d be open to a discrete relationship if you need one.”

          “No, I’m really not.” *block*

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          I f’n’ hate people who can’t differentiate between “discreet” and “discrete.”
          Also: re: her still being interested even if you’re with someone else – nasty.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          That is just the wrongest kind of wrong, tm.

          Lola – Those ads were on my local m4w’s, which makes it even sadder and creepier at the same time since I’m quite a distance from the big city. Maybe the fella is branching out.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          Ed Snyder permalink

          Each of my relationships has been discrete. None have been discreet.

          Adores: 15
        • 2010 January 22
          christina permalink

          It’s all about reverse psycology. I did a 1 week free trial on Yahoo personals to prove to my mother that online dating is a bad idea. My profile was shamelessly snarky about this fact. On day six I met the man who is now my husband and I still owe my mom a million dollars.

          Adores: 18
        • 2010 January 22
          mudslicker permalink

          Lola: and just what’s so bad about the “D” in BDSM?

          It stands for “DARLING” doesn’t it?

          B stands for “BOYISH”?

          and SM stands for SMoochy!?!?!

          *my flagrum just took a spin on the meat hook it was hanging from*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Sarajean – I’m suspecting per your comment that this lactation fixation is more common than I’d originally thought.

          What if Freud could read CL m4w? I bet his brain would implode.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Or some idiot with a fetish is looking to start a “dairy” for like-minded idiots.

          Freud’s ashes are probably spinning so fast in his urn that you could use him as a generator to power London for a year.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 23
        Windrose permalink

        Lola, “met my husband part” ? You’re worth a whole, real person!

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 22

      That’s so romantic! It’s nice to know that sometimes things work out for awesome people.

      Adores: 1
  7. 2010 January 22
    Tacomagic permalink

    So ladies… do I have what it takes to apply for this job?

    Seriously. I want to know if my writing is sexy. Because if so, I’m changing my name to sexy fingers.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 January 22
      sarajean80 permalink

      Go for it! Then we can call you Sexyfingers Tacomagic, which sounds like a Mexican wrestler.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 January 22
        tacomagic permalink

        Taco “Sexyfingers” Magic
        SexyTaco MagicFingers
        TacoMagicFingers

        Hmmm.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Just not TacoMagic Sexyfingers please. That sounds like Spongebob’s hispanic gigolo friend.

          Adores: 20
        • 2010 January 22

          Are you ready, hijos?

          Si, senor!

          I can’t hear you!

          SI SENOR!

          Ohhhhh…

          Who lives in a bordello under the sea?

          TACOMAGIC SEXYFINGERS!

          Adores: 31
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Β‘ReΓ­rse a carcajadas!

          That’s what google translate came up with for lol in Spanish.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          You are a slice of “Hot Damn!” with awesome sauce, mi amigo!

          I wanted so badly to do something in a SpongeBob vein, but alas my muse abandoned me like a basket of kittens on a crazy cat lady’s doorstep.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 January 22

          πŸ™‚ I was typing fast because I thought someone was going to beat me to the punch.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Or was *I* typing so fast because I thought someone would be you to the punch?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          mudslicker permalink

          I always thought that fingers were shaped more like tamales.

          *please pass the montequilla”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Bianchi is a wonderous sundae of excellence with real whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, and two chocolate covered cherries on top for suggesting the idea.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22

          I agree. That man is a goddess.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          @ Sarajean Gee, thanks. I was just trying to re-insinuate (word???) that I am Graham’s ghost writer.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          @ Graham.

          One more crack like that and someone’s gonna suggest we get a room!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22

          I You don’t need to reinsinuate anything.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22

          Hmmm. I’m beginning to think Being a Goddess should be the next meme.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          lareina permalink

          ‘In a Bordello Under the Sea’ is totally the title of my future award-winning children’s book.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 January 22

          Lareina: I thought that was the title of the Rule 34 version of The Little Mermaid.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Will young TacoMagic Sexyfingers learn a very special lession regarding his Latin heritage and resolve his confusion over gender identity?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          I’m assuming there will be lots of song and dance as the show progresses… which doesn’t bode well for my gender identity.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22
        Andrea permalink

        …or a cheesy Hispanic fetish porn.

        Adores: 7
      • 2010 January 22
        Meredith permalink

        I second!

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 January 22
        Dan permalink

        Wasn’t there a bond flick set in Juarez called “Tacofinger?”

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          That was the one where they killed the woman by covering her with nacho cheese from the fountain right?

          Adores: 19
        • 2010 January 22
          MrWhite permalink

          Followed by “Live and Let Diarrhea”.

          Adores: 31
        • 2010 January 22
          Meredith permalink

          Bravo, MrWhite, bravo…

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22

        Little Mermaid? I think this is Graham’s thing….
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNYDpH0Jors

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22

          *sputter*

          Many +1s to you, HHNF, my sides are going to take awhile to recover!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22

          I can’t see it, it’s blocked by my firewall… can someone provide a synopsis?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22

          It’s Ariel singing her underwater ballad lamenting the lack of some necessary anatomical features that prevent her from enjoying certain physical functions that generate exceptionally intense and pleasurable feelings. Whew.

          *fanning vigorously*

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          Yeah, we all know mermaids lay eggs then mermen come along and fertilize them. Then they both die and are eaten by grisley bears.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 January 22

          That’s true, but only in the Pacific Northwest, although all this time I thought they were grizzly. Here’s an example of one:

          http://www.arctophilia.com/Jolly-by-Grisly-Bears_0_0_10LPA.jpg

          I don’t know what happens to them in the rest of the world.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          When you see two bears eating the rotting remains of merfolk, grizzly is not the correct prefix.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22

          Ahhh, I see. Thank you for the elucidation. Is that because merfolk are, perhaps, gristle-y?

          (Side Note: Apparently, according to Wikipedia, Throbbing Gristle is an English industrial music and visual performing arts group.) Who knew.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Throbbing Gristle always seems to be what is on college radio stations whenever I insomniacally tune them in. Usually they are then followed by other totally random and unsimilar acts like Chronos Quartet and the Chieftains. Don’t ask, I can’t explain it either.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          College student + no playlist + bong = Throbbing Gristle + Chronos Quartet + Chieftains

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Bianchi, considering the rampantly stoney mien I observed among most of the broadcast majors (who comprised most of the college’s radio staff, and who I encountered frequently as I worked at the college paper, also hq’d in the same building), I could find your equation completely believeable.

          Actually what I find inexplicable is my uncanny ability to locate a station broadcasting Throbbing Gristle when I’m trying to find something soothing and sleep-inducing. I seem never to listen to it any other time.

          Adores: 1
  8. 2010 January 22
    Meredith permalink

    I have a feeling the writer he finds may have a physical anomaly…such as an unusually large nose, perhaps?

    Adores: 14
    • 2010 January 22
      mudslicker permalink

      And his name will be Steve Martin.

      What could possibly go wrong?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22
        Gamaliel permalink

        I think Meredith meant Cyrano de Bergerac.
        Beat me to it.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          mudslicker permalink

          I just took it in a different direction.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          MsDolfinn permalink

          And I think mudslicker was referring to the movie ‘Roxanne’ which starred Steve Martin and was based off of Cyrano de Bergerac.
          *Shoot my boss interrupted me mid comment so you beat me to it.*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          We’re going to run out of Corey awards here, folks.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          mudslicker permalink

          Like the limbs of salamanders and starfish, corey awards just regenerate ad infinitum Bianchi.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          And I thought they regenerate ad nauseum.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          mudslicker permalink

          No Bianchi, ad nauseum is the way my stomach feels after reading most of these YSaC ads.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22

        I could only see Rowan Atkinson.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 22
      tacomagic permalink

      You know what they say about men whith huge noses right?

      .

      .

      They smell.

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 January 22
        mudslicker permalink

        Isn’t the term you want to use “massive noses”..?

        Lulz…

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 22
        sarajean80 permalink

        But can they smell better than men with average size noses?

        What about men who have cute little tiny noses but can smell really, really good?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          MsDolfinn permalink

          Any man can smell really, really good no matter what size their nose is. It’s called cologne.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22

          So long as he’s minty, I’m in.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 January 22
          Meredith permalink

          I have a weakness for good smells. I have been known to go out on multiple dates with men I found to be bores, and I’ll admit it was because they smelled so damn good. My guy uses that to his advantage.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          According to my wife and our best friend (another female) I smell rather good. It’s more creepy than anything else having two women in the same room talking about me in the third person… especially when they’re talking about how I smell. I usually have to and find something loud and complicated to do for a little while.

          It probably has something to do with bathing daily, keeping my clothes clean to the level of obsessive cumpulsive disorder* and the use of “mountain fresh” deoderant. For the guy trying to smell better, I highly recommend mountain fresh scent.

          *Seriously, I find wearing clothing for more than one day disgusting, and showering requires a full change of everything… I won’t even use the same towel twice.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          It’s like they’re talking about a favorite pet, right?

          As someone with actual OCD, you’re not obsessive until you start individually sealing each item in its own baggie and storing them in a specially built shed out back until time to do laundry.

          Mountain fresh is nice, but I’m a “vanilla and lavender” sort of girl.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          MsDolfinn permalink

          I don’t know that I would know how to handle a guy who smelled like vanilla and lavender. There are usually three reasons for that. Too effeminate (for my taste at least), homosexual (in which case not interested in me anyway) or a woman (wife/girlfriend/mother) buys his detergent.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Whoops, I meant for me.

          For the gentlemen I would suggest “clean linen”, it’s yummy and makes you smell clean even if you’re not.

          My last fella had this citrusy-woodsy cologne that made me want to huff him like airplane glue.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          MsDolfinn permalink

          Definitely a fan of clean linen. Even for candles and such, makes my house smell like I’m doing laundry everyday!

          Now if you’ll excuse me I have an experiment to try…
          {skips off to locate some airplane glue}

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22

          Mmmm, men who smell good are especially yummy! My husband is just delish in that regard. I’ve had women stop me when we’re out asking what aftershave he uses. Sly foxes . . . I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s the cliche (tall, dark and handsome) with the added bonus of a goatee. Oh yeah.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22
        Lola permalink

        I actually like a guy with a bit of a profile. Men with little noses kind of freak me out.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          Meredith permalink

          One of the things that attracted me to my ex was his nose. It’s somewhat large, very straight, and has this weird little indent in the front middle. He said he had a butt on the end of his nose.

          I just realized how strange his looks sound on paper: Long flowing red hair, a rather large nose, and big red lips.

          Going by that description, I dated Ronald McDonald for 7 years.

          Adores: 20
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          But Meredith, the real issue is whether he wore the clown makeup during “business time” and what he made *you* wear then.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22
          Emesis permalink

          @Meredith: Did he call you the “Sweater-hamburglar”?

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 January 22
          InsideJoke permalink

          Talk about gender identity conclusion. Guys don’t bathe daily or change their clothes. At least, most of the ones I know don’t. . .

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          @Lola:

          In Soviet Russia, clown makeup wears you!

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22

        Hehe, Taco, like on Twilight when Bella walks into the Cullen house and they’re all talking about how ‘good’ she smells.
        *I know, I know. I’ll get the duct tape and Dunce cap*

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          Did someone say duct tape?!

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22

        I like saying it
        duct tape,
        duct tape,
        DUCT TAPE!!!

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          Join me.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          I think I just had a nerdgasm.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 22

          Imagine my delight upon finding that…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22
          lareina permalink

          Well, lest we forget, you are secretly a woman.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22

          πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22

        Only if I can lead
        http://marvel.com/comics/onsale/covers/0502/deadpool_67.jpg

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22

          No one leads Deadpool, mon ami.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 22

        Let’s hear you say that when Blind Al is around.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22

          *grits teeth* Okay, you win.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22

        I really hope we’re not keeping score. I don’t know if I can handle Deadpool having so many losses….to a bunny. A fluffy cotton-candy flavored bunny, nonetheless.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          lareina permalink

          I don’t know, HHNF, bunnies can be pretty formidable. I mean, I know at least one that has a vicious streak a mile wide…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 22

          Just because you win doesn’t mean I lose.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22

        Plus eleventy, Lareina
        She does like to bite males. Smart girl.

        Adores: 1
  9. 2010 January 22
    penguin permalink

    Tim Ferriss (4 Hour Workweek) hired people to do his on-line matchmaking for him.

    http://blog.timferriss.com/1/post/2009/07/how-to-tim-ferriss-your-love-life.html

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 22
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      The guitarist of INXS can’t get a date?

      Oh, Tim fErriss.

      Nevermind…

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22

        No, it’s Michael Hutchence who can’t get a date…..

        Sorry, that was really uncalled for.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Yet too true.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Time to break out the weepy emo music.

          Can I borrow someone’s eyeliner?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          *Hands over Eyeliner* Hope you like black.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          Thanks.

          What was that about gender identity?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          tacomagic permalink

          I’m not sure that I have one actually.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2010 January 22
    TigerShark permalink

    I’m a woman. I can write to impress the ladies, however, getting them to date you is a whole different story.

    Adores: 2
  11. 2010 January 22
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Dear Sir,

    I am very experience in writing for the ladies. Here is an example of my work. I think you will be impressed.

    “I never thought those stories were true, but one day when I was working at the ski lodge, these twin blonde high school cheerleader stewardesses came in…”

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 January 22
      TigerShark permalink

      Please, go on. I’m getting more and more “impressed.”

      Edit: Says my husband. πŸ™‚

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 22
        sarajean80 permalink

        Let’s hope Mr. TigerShark doesn’t get the sudden urge to go skiing.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          @ sj80 I just spent a couple of minutes trying to relate this to the “4 pairs of skis” post from a couple of days ago and couldn’t figure out what the hell you were talking about.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          I was thinking more along the lines of the ski lodge with the twin blonde high school cheerleader stewardesses that you mentioned in your “writing sample”. If you want to go for a more obscure reference, you could pretend I was referring to this post or this post.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          TigerShark permalink

          Shh… don’t give him any ideas.

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 22
      Pennywise permalink

      edit

      Adores: 1
  12. 2010 January 22
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Yeah, I figured it out. It just took a minute. Those are great old posts, though.

    This should go under sarajeans post re: my post re: her post re: my…. oh forget it…

    Adores: 1
  13. 2010 January 22
    Cyrus permalink

    Ah jeez. This is funny because me and a friend have had a running joke for months that we should hire agents to handle our online dating profiles. I chose Sandra Bullock and she decided that Lady Gaga would be the sensible decision. If you’re too busy to write some messages, I don’t see how you’re going to handle a significant other. *shakes head*

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 January 22

      *sniff* I smell an opportunity for entrepreneurship here . . . the Significant Other Stand-In, for those times when you are just tooooo busy to take care of business your own self.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 22
        miss jo permalink

        Also works as a body-double for those extra-slice-of-cake days?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 22
          Lola permalink

          Hiring someone for that would be well worth the money.

          PS: Is “extra-slice-of-cake” single-entendre, or does it mean something I am missing?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23
          miss jo permalink

          It was originally single-entendre, but I’m sure we could make something up…

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 22
      sarajean80 permalink

      You hire an assistant, probably the same one who would read and reply to all your text messages.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 January 22

        Kudos, sj, for remembering that old post. πŸ™‚

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 22
          sarajean80 permalink

          ::Bows::
          I but live to serve, O Goddess of the Graceful Brow.

          Adores: 3
  14. 2010 January 22
    Windrose permalink

    But it turns out they are twins, and can’t consume their love! So the wookie kills them all. The End.

    Whew. I think I have a winner here!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 22
      Lola permalink

      Do you mean consummate? Because I don’t think anyone can consume their love. Heart-shaped cookies as symbols of love can be consumed, but love itself?
      Intriguing concept.

      I’ll get me coat. And go to bed now (no more happy hour for you!). And stop babbling.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 22

        Eat your heart out, Lola

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 22

        I got really hungry once and consumed some love. You can imagine what it tasted like.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 23

          HHNF neither confirms nor denies that she has, on many occasions, consumed love. That would be totally inappropriate for classy company such as this.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 23
          lareina permalink

          I’m glad someone else made the filthy joke for once. Because otherwise I would have had to, and then Steve-o’s opinion of me would only have been reinforced….

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23

          HHNF: An activity that contributed to your eventual hatred of men, no doubt.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23

          Or, should I say “distaste” for men…

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 January 23
          Steve-O permalink

          Lareina, I hold you in nothing but the highest regard. Just the right amount of naughty and nice. HHNF on the other hand, I am not sure about her. I don’t think she likes me.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 22
        Windrose permalink

        Sorry, been eating a lot of soup lately. 8/

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 23

        It’s actually one of very few redeeming qualities I have found in them.
        oh, my Nimue. It’s late, and Vodka is not Tact’s friend.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23

          See avatar for response.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23

          Yeah, I think you’ve had enough tonight… of whatever.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23
          bianchisound permalink

          Racist!

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 23

        Ooh, is your Common Sense tingling?
        *not thinking unladylike things about a comic book character who does not in fact exist and isn’t actually talking to me*

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23

          Something’s tingling…

          *thinking of grandmother playing baseball*

          Err, wait, that’s not it…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 23

          Nice clarification. πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 23

        It took a much more sober and, uh, male, friend to inform me that this will be here even when the alcohol is gone. Feck. I’m off to sleep in the gutter, with my thoughts.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23

          Is your friend named C. Blocker, by chance? πŸ˜›

          Don’t forget to drink lots of water in the morning. πŸ™‚

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 23

        Minus whale be. Dunno what his problem is. Besides he’s not wearing a Merc with Mouth costume…
        At least I’m not in a pub, with my best mate/co-worker, giggling at my phone and trying to explain this and not look like a perverted n3rd with a comic-book snort. That would be embarrassing.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 23

          Oh yes, heavens, that would be too much to bear. *confused*

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 23

        …or teetering upon the edge of ‘obnoxious cheerleader on meth’ and ‘creep making unsolicited advances toward any breathing thing’.
        Great, now jg is right, at least on my count.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23

          I beg your pardon, miss, but I’d like to think that I rank somewhere slightly higher than “any breathing thing” — with or without Deadpool costume. πŸ˜›

          Or are you saying that jg was correct about a conscious change of behavior on your part?

          **Going off comms for about half an hour, BRB.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23

          Closing time…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23

          Somewhere in the greater Puget Sound area, HHNF is stumbling out the door of a pub with some luck guy or girl…

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 23

        It’s a nice sentiment, but I never ever ever ‘go home’ with anyone. Always never.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 23

          And I never said you did. πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 2
  15. 2010 January 22
    Windrose permalink

    Now if only Dan would write the title for our little epic here!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 23
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      May I suggest a title?

      You’ve Got Mail Episode 2: The Revenge of the Proposal of Secret Agent Obi Wan de Bergerac Dies Hard on Independence Day in 3-D.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 January 23

        You’re gonna need to add a triple-X in there if Windrose has her way.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23

          Anything for that purple 67 GTO with the 440 and conv top.

          Adores: 2
  16. 2010 January 22
    Windrose permalink

    An upset, and one that Lost_Compass won’t soon recover from! In spite of a crowd-pleasing epic on the spot last night, miss jo comes from behind to slip into the Don’t Suck box and get her first punch!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 23

      Love the play-by-play, Windrose. πŸ™‚

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 23
      miss jo permalink

      I’d like to thank my ma, and my pa…

      Actually, my theory is that my comment just fit in the box better. Or it was the sympathy vote.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 23
        miss jo permalink

        Not that I’m refusing the punch. No sir. I’m very proud.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 23
      Pianodan permalink

      It is often difficult to fit epics into the box. “Pithy” often carries the day. Not that I’m suggesting you folks should deliberately get pithy.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 January 23

        *scribbling furiously on a post-it*

        iffy = no

        pithy = maybe

        witty = yes

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          If iffy = maybe and maybe = pithy then iffy = pithy.

          Or pissy if you have a lithp.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23

          πŸ˜€ That harkenth me back to my Philothophy 1 dayth. My profethor alwayth thaid I thpecialized in word thalad. I have thince worked diligently in communicating in a very thpecific manner.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23

          Oh my . . . perchance another meme? Word Salad!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23
          Deadpool permalink

          Ssshh… memes are very skittish… mere mention of their existence can scare them away…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Can I have my word salad with mispunctuation dressing?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23

          *hands behind back, whistling*

          Okey, dokey. I gets it. We were just discussing a new culinary delight as featured on Food Network, yes? (nodding)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23

          Yes, Bianchi, you may. I can make some fresh as soon as I harvest the ingredients from some old YsaC posts. Do you prefer tangy or creamy? With or without commas? It will take longer if I have to throw in some extra capitalization. Ooooh, quotation marks are especially nice this time of year! I can also make it lite if you are calorie conscious.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I!!!!!!! like; “it” w/ as: much,, *mis-punctuation* (as) u {can} “put” in …

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 23

          *digging through her recipe box*

          Yes, yes, I think I have that one although I haven’t made it in a long time. There are so many variations, but nothing beats the original. I’ll get right on it.

          *rummaging in the drawer for the whisk*

          Btw, score MANY +1 to you for remembering it so clearly! πŸ™‚

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 23
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Do I get an honorary punch? I first used the phrase “Craigslist normal” to which miss jo was referring. ::shy and hopeful::

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 23
        Windrose permalink

        Addicted Reader! Sorry I didn’t see this when you posted it the first time. I will put you in the Honorary list! Way to go!

        Adores: 2
  17. 2010 January 23

    Dangit, where is everybody… look at what that Lisa person posted in the 471 comment…

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 23
      Windrose permalink

      Who are you, Lisa! Stop lurking and come out sometime.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 23

        I have a feeling that Lisa’s inquiry is a little more serious than the usual comment around these parts.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 23
          Windrose permalink

          Oh. OH! Uh-oh! Do you think Corey had an operation? No, really, I’m going to bed. Any minute now. Not staying up to make 30050 posts.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 23

          I think we might be dealing with a relative of the person who sent drmk the $5 for the ad removal service…

          Adores: 1
  18. 2010 January 23
    Windrose permalink

    Now look what you made me do, Graham! I may have gotten Corey credit in that other thread. Oh, the indignity of it all!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 23

      Nah, if you had gotten on and explained why UPS would definitely not deliver a casket, then you might be cruising for some corey creds. You’re safe.

      Adores: 1
  19. 2010 January 23
    Windrose permalink

    219 responses. Not bad for a Friday night. Say, I wonder which night of the week gets the most responses, consistently? I may have to do another spread sheet. Or do you think I’m over-analyzing this?

    Okay that was so bad, I’m sending me to my room. G’night!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 23

      Goodnight, thanks for playing.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 23
      Ed Snyder permalink

      Is this a failed attempt at nomination for a Corey?

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 23
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        In Soviet Russia, Corey fails at nominating you.

        Here he fails at just about everything else.

        Adores: 4
  20. 2010 January 23

    Cyrano de Bergerac…was well here before any movie. I’m sad no one mentioned this lovely play.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 23

      Um. I did. In the original post. Obliquely, of course, but it’s there.

      Adores: 2
  21. 2010 January 23

    Meredith, Gamaliel, mudslicker and MisDolfinn made reference to it about mid-flight up . . . which immediately prompted a discussion about large noses, which led to another discussion about how people smell, which led to . . . oh you know how the discussions on YsaC go off on tangents. It’s why we love it πŸ™‚

    Adores: 2
  22. 2010 January 24

    then maybe I should pay more attention πŸ™‚

    Adores: 0

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