YSaC, Vol. 585: Putting the “fun” back in “funeral”!
Preamble to post, by drmk: If you haven’t seen it yet, wander over to YouTube and check out the silly video that we’ve put up. Lyrics were written by forum regulars, jackie31337 donated her vocal talents, and Dan the ostrimu fiddled with video software. It’s chock full of YSaC in-jokes and memes. Enjoy! (And that’s an order, damn it, or I’ll cause you double pain.) ]
Now on with our regular scheduled hilarity and weirdness:
Sexy Vixen’s Funeral Parlor “Keeping the fun Alive!”
We are looking for a few motivated ladies who would like to get into the Funeral arrangement business! It is very lucrative and highly profitable!
Sexy Vixen’s Funeral Parlor puts a fun spin on passing to the other side. Why have a sad, boring funeral when you can spice it up with a few hot ladies and a party like no other!
As a Sexy Vixen employee, you will be incharge of keeping the fun alive. That includes providing drinks to Funeral guests, reminiscing about the guest of honor, reading poems, bartending, and other various tasks as needed.
You must be comfortable:
-Wearing a bikini
-Being around the recently deceased
-Applying make-up to our guest of honor and/or dressing
-Driving the party Hearse
Qualifications desired (but not a must!)
-Look good in a bikini
-Lift large boxes (about the weight of a coffin with or without body)
-Prior experience with embalming
-Background in balloon animals
-Bachelor’s in related field.
This doesn’t really sound that different than any normal night at the Elks Lodge … that is, until you get to the Qualifications Desired section. Let’s deconstruct these, shall we?
1. Look good in a bikini.
That’s a “desired” but not a “must” qualification? Huh.
2. Lift large boxes (about the weight of a coffin with or without body)
3. Prior experience with embalming.
4. Background in balloon animals.
Do they teach that at the same time they teach embalming?
5. Bachelor’s in related field.
What degree program offers instruction in embalming and making balloon animals while reciting poetry and washing cars while wearing a bikini at a funeral? I totally missed that one when I was an undergrad. That must be one of these newfangled interdisciplinary majors.
Thanks to Pat for sending this one in!