YSaC, Vol. 634: And you may find yourself in a beautiful house …

2010 April 12

$155 Nice Pool Home w/furnished Rm.4rent/Internet/BBQ/Patio/Laundry/TV call (Ft Laud (xxx)xxx-xxxx today!)


NICE PRIVATE BEDROOM W/INTERNET/BED/TV/CABLE-NEAR EVERYTHING-LOCATED IN WILTON MANORS OFF ANDREWS EAST OF I95~ A PRIVATE POOL-INTERNET-CABLE-FURNISHED BEDROOM-PATIO/BBQ/FULL USE OF THE HOUSE-A LADY HER DOG AND ONE OTHER TENANT LIVE HERE -NICE HOME BEING REMODELED W/NEW ROOF///NEW TILE///PAINT///LIKE A NEW PLACE-PREFER A WORKING PERSON/LONG TERM~ ————— CALL (xxx)xxx-xxxx —LEAVE MESSAGE OR TRY (xxx)xxx-xxxx ——— NO PETS PLEASE !

So, not really that awful, although the use of all caps and backslashes and dashes as punctuation is irritating. (Random thought: “Backslashes and Dashes” would be a great name for an album!)

Then you see the picture, and if you’re like me, you think for a moment how lovely it would be to lounge by the pool on a warm day in Florida, while Ewan McGregor and Nathan Fillion feed you cold grapes and fan you … oh, whoops, sorry about that. Erm, where was I?

Actually, if you’re like me, you think for a moment … and you realize that Ft. Lauderdale, Florida is not known for its distant and picturesque mountain ranges. Then you go ask Uncle Internet for information about average elevation in Florida. As it turns out, Uncle Internet lists the average elevation for Ft. Lauderdale as ranging from 8 feet to 3 meters above sea level. Uncle Internet also informs me that the highest elevation in Florida is Britton Hill, at 345 feet, which happens to be on the border of Florida and Alabama.

But then my mind drifts back to the grapes, which is much more pleasant thought than some asshat in Florida playing shenanigans with fake pictures to lure people to look at his room for rent.

Thanks, Angela!

Edited to add: Okay, I’ve been properly admonished that there is a lack of backslashes and a plethora of normal old forward slashes. Mea culpa.

230 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 April 11
    Windrose permalink

    It’s a trap!

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 12
      Windrose permalink

      http://www.sheldoncomics.com/archive/100228.html

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 12
      TacoMagic permalink

      That lease is fully operational!

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 April 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      It’s a tract!

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 April 12
        mudslicker permalink

        It’s rat cat!

        ..a-rat-a-cat-cat….!

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          Tia’s part.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Clears throat* Where the heck is Taco’s coffee today?

          Tact is art.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12

          Atttar [sic].

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12

          Rat static.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Rat-tastic!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          SilvaNoir permalink

          *squeak*

          Adores: 14
  2. 2010 April 12

    It’s Not.A.Room for rent!

    It’s early, I need either caffeine or sleep…or both…

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 April 12
      TacoMagic permalink

      Not.A.Lauderdale as well.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 April 12
        Lola permalink

        Not.a.Florida, and/or Not.an.Actual.Photo, either.

        And just possibly, “Actual size shown.”

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          “Too much more to list” perhaps?

          Adores: 0
  3. 2010 April 12
    miss jo permalink

    So it’s fully furnished, and comes with a bed. And 2 internets. And 2 cables. My head hurts and I haven’t even managed to work out if the remodelling is in the present or past tense (you’d want to hope that the new roof already existed).

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 12
      Windrose permalink

      Hmm, I wonder who they called to work on the new roof?

      Adores: 6
  4. 2010 April 12
    MrWhite permalink

    It could be Florida… maybe these are just mountains of hanging chads, bulldozed there after the 2000 election.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 April 12

      Okay, look:

      The ad says that the house is NEAR EVERYTHING.

      Mountains are a thing, which means they are part of everything.

      Argal, your house is near your mountains, and your mountains are near your house.

      Go, get thee in, and fetch me a stoup of liquor.

      Adores: 6
  5. 2010 April 12
    sarajean80 permalink

    You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
    you may find yourself in another part of the world

    (Talking Heads reference by the LlamaNun FTW!)

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 April 12

      Water flowing underground…

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        same as it ever was

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          same as it ever was…

          SJ, have you heard the performance of this song on David Byrne’s Live in Austin, Texas CD? It’s pretty crazy.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          No, but I will add it to my List Of Listen-Worthy-Discs-I-Do-Not-Yet-Possess ♥

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12
      Lola permalink

      This is totally Monday’s earworm. Since I actively like TH, I’m pleased.

      And you may ask yourself, “How did I get here?”

      :D

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12
      sweetbiscuit21 permalink

      And for once I got the musical reference as well. Big FTW for the Llama-Nun and a tiny little one for me (please?)

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        sweetbiscuit FTW!♥!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          sweetbiscuit21 permalink

          Gracias Sarajean.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          De nada

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 12
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        I’ve got a girlfriend that’s better than that.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          Dan permalink

          Yeah, but NOTHING is better than this.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12

          Is it?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12

          We’re being taken for a ride again…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          wow… this sort of place only comes around once in a lifetime…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          jackie31337 permalink

          Dan: that reminds me of a friend who told me he could prove that a cheese sandwich was better than eternal happiness. It went something like this:
          Nothing is better than eternal happiness.
          A cheese sandwich is better than nothing.
          Therefore, a cheese sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

          Adores: 8
  6. 2010 April 12

    I don’t see a single backslash there. Plenty of ordinary forward slashes, though …

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 April 12

      SCORE!

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 12
        TacoMagic permalink

        I think you just did the Issacian Isaacian mating call there, Henning.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Hey, slightly OT, but I bet I’m not the only one asking: what’s the interbracket code for crossouts? Thanks.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          &#60del&#62 stuff &#60/del&#62

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Thanks. I’ll try to remember that.
          *grimaces, wishes it were easier*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          Sorry, forgot the semicolons and then my browser crashed so I couldn’t edit it again. Should be:
          <del> stuff </del>

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Great – easy, makes sense. Thanks! :D

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          line

          EDIT: Woohoo! It works!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12

          Okay, then. From now on I’m not using “strikethrough.” “Del” is much easier shorter!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 14
          eeee permalink

          I’ve always just used “s” instead of “del” or “strikethrough” – let’s see if it will work here…

          ETA: Nope. But it works like a charm most other places.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 12
        CapnMac permalink

        Well, I count only seventeen, just shy of a score

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Ohh. I had used [strike]; I like [del] better, brevity and the soul of ha’wits and all

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 14

        Guys, I think that XKCD has been reading our comments section.

        Or else it’s a coincidence.

        Adores: 0
  7. 2010 April 12
    DontTryThisAtHome permalink

    The real Winton Manors, via Google Street View, doesn’t look quite as tranquil.

    By the way, I’ve been a.lurker, now not.a.lurker.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 April 12
      TacoMagic permalink

      It looks as though you’d have to lead an expidition if you wanted to penetrate the thick underbrush and make it to the house. Think of all the previously undiscovered species that could be living there.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 12
        DontTryThisAtHome permalink

        Yes, like Oh.crap.a.giant.snake, and the always popular weedzilla.

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      I think that photo gave me heatstroke. And poison ivy.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 April 12
      mudslicker permalink

      Welcome to Shenaniganville!

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 12
        SilvaNoir permalink

        Shenaniganville sounds like a fun place to live, you could get up to all sorts of mischief there…

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 12
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Adam, is that you?

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12

      That is just the portal to the magical place pictured in the ad.

      Adores: 1
  8. 2010 April 12

    My mind drifts to having full use of the house, a lady, her dog and one other tenant. Depending on the condition of all three, it could make or break the deal.

    Adores: 8
      • 2010 April 12
        TacoMagic permalink

        That’s one massive link you’ve got there.

        Not that I’m one to have link envy or anything.

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 April 12

          Awww..poor Taco…just remember yours may not be the biggest, but it was the first.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12

          CJ is right, you were the first with a big link TM.

          and in any case, as has been noted before, it’s not the size of the link…………it’s the (fill in own line here)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          *(Looks around for HHNF)*

          That’s what she said!

          *(Runs away giggling)*

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12
          jackie31337 permalink

          Cheer up TM; at least it wasn’t a 404. I hate it when I try to follow a massive link, only to find out that there’s actually nothing there.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12

          You have made satisfactory progress in your HHNF education, Sarajean.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          *bows deeply*

          Thank you, sensei.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 12
        CapnMac permalink

        Should we then worry that discipline, or specific acts or lingerie are also required?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Lingerie, like caramel sauce, is always optional.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 April 12

          chocolate sauce on the other hand……………

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Might be optional, but, as we have seen in other ads, all sorts of conditions may apply.
          Show up at this joint, and like the price, pool, free interwebs, only to learn you have to wear y-fronts, and there’s spanking until you can see mountains!, mountains! you hear!

          Mind you bedazzled cerf peid a terre does come to mind, since we can’t see if there is a swingset out back . . .

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12

          I think we’ll have to get Graham’s book of Hawt Sect Union Local 69 Book of Rule 34′s and Regulations.

          Adores: 2
  9. 2010 April 12
    TacoMagic permalink

    Guys, while this is a pretty sleasy thing to do, I’m having trouble coming up with any snark/sarcasm/subtle irony/snarfblat-that could be used to mock this post. I mean after dmrk’s post with plenty of commentary on the poster’s-use of dashes and backslashes-capitalization-picture not from Florida/because Florida is flat/and there are pictures of high hills-full of yams-I find myself at a loss/writers block/snarkless-confused~hungry.

    If anyone can help me come up with witty banter//pop culture reference//Monty Python analogy/#/Hannah Montana///new band name///Russia joke~—————please put a reply below.

    *&^————No coreys please.
    -T@c0

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 April 12

      I am the one who invented the internet/bed/tv/cable that this guy installed in his place. It is, indeed, “near[ly] everything,” if all you want to do is lie around, watch the tube, and surf the tubes all day. But I’m surprised it made it down to Florida so fast. I just invented it two or three days ago!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 12
      mudslicker permalink

      Bet you could buy a bedazzled taco box in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida!

      *sorry I missed all those shenanigans over the weekend*

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12
      CapnMac permalink

      “It’s only a model” (ugh, and per request, not including the excellent HG corey)

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12
      CapnMac permalink

      Hanna Montana snubs opening act, Sierra Florida, for West Brighton LJS Impersonators. Subsequent fish slapping dance interrupted by appearance of Lord Mayor; dog, fish, and fruitbat Abdul un-confused.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        TacoMagic permalink

        Confuse a tract.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          In soviet Russia, view leases you?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12

          *sigh*
          I’ll go get the stage and Napoleon.

          Adores: 0
  10. 2010 April 12
    Is.An.Avatar permalink

    A nice room with internet and TV, a pool, a dog and her lady; all near the beach in Fort Liquordale. What more could one want?

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12
      TacoMagic permalink

      To be honest, the lady is there in violation of the no pets policy. The dog has been given 2 weeks to find her a new home or she’ll have to be turned into animal control.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 12

        They took me to turned-into-animal control when I got transmogrified into a newt.

        I got better.

        Adores: 11
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          Did you dress her up like this?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Sir Belvedere will need his largest scales.

          Churches¡

          Small stones¡

          A duck¡

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12

          Well, we did do the nose.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12

          Bring the largest set of scales.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12
      mudslicker permalink

      Me and
      you and
      the TV and
      a pool that looks like this one and
      a lady and
      a dog named Boo.
      He loves being a free man.

      I’m Lobo-ed out!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 12
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Would that mean you’re at a Lobo Los(s)?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          If today is Monday, then you would be correct!

          Adores: 0
        • 2013 February 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          A Lobo Tomy.

          Adores: 1
  11. 2010 April 12
    Dave permalink

    There is a grand total of zero BACKslashes in the entire posting.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12

      Way to read the earlier comments before posting, there, Dave.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        TacoMagic permalink

        Oh snap! Issac’s Issac’s Issaac’s… Crap, I need a coffee.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        Did you just reference your own comment from earlier in the thread?

        (checks link)

        You did!

        Isaac’s been invaded by the Coreys!

        Quick, everyone put on your Emergency Invasion Beanies!

        (Why! Can’t! I! Stop! Using! Exclamation! Points!?!)

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          Oh! No! It’s! Catching!!

          Quick!!! Somebody!! Get!! The!! Comments!!! Section!!! Under!! Quarantine!!!

          Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          AHHHHHHHHH!!!!11!!1!!!!!1!!!1!!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Those aren’t exclamation points!!!!! Those are vertical forward slashes!!!

          *this is what happens when they drink*

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 April 12

          Aw, Chill, y’all. I wasn’t referencing my own comment. I was pointing to Henning Makholm’s, as you can see if you follow my original link.

          I fully expect this link-heavy comment to get “held” for “moderation,” though.

          Hold me for moderation, drmk! Hold me! Moderate me!

          As you wish! -drmk

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 April 12
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Sounds like an acute case of Shatneritis. Please rotate your toupée 30° to the left, read three Sarah Palin tweets to a live audience, and listen to Nimoy’s cover of Bilbo Baggins to expedite your recovery.

          Adores: 17
        • 2010 April 12
          christina permalink

          Worst.Earworm.Ever!!
          Thanks, Irregular Fractal.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 12
        Lola permalink

        “I can’t let you do that, Dave.”

        Yeah, I went there.

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          “Open the pod bay doors Halle Berry.”

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          ¡¡¡Elebenty¡¡¡

          Oops, I’ve caught the Southern Hemisphere version¡

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 April 12
        DontTryThisAtHome permalink

        Off topic: I be ignorant, and humbly ask: what is the origin of /corey?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12

          This is where the saga of Corey began.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          ..and since then we’ve referred to anyone insisting on getting overly Technical/Discovery Channel when interpreting or overthinking any of these YSaC posts as pulling-a-corey. The End.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          I need more coffee, these just keep coming to me today.

          I sing of the glorious co-orey,
          He corrects the comments so well,
          With fact and angry,
          He’ll cross the peasantry,
          And tell about DA minty shell.

          A grumpy commenter is he, is he
          Most serious and condescending,
          He’s mostly bark
          But without the snark,
          He’s sorry for comprehending.

          Credit to Tom Servo (Kevin Murphy) for original source material “Air on a Delta Knight”.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Sorry for comprehending? I believe he stated “sorry for understanding”—but sorry for comprehending will do perfectly. Hehe….

          Good job to our little taco wrapper!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          DontTryThisAtHome permalink

          Ah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Now I understanding.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          I believe we need a

          Saga of Corey topic put into the forums—for nostalgic reference purposes only.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          [corey]Comprehending had more alliterative quality with ‘condescending’ than ‘understanding’ did. I figured the synonym would be fine for the purpose of poetry.[/corey]

          Sorry for discerning.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Well, either way—he did neither.

          Sorry for being heartfelt*

          *speaking of: I went to Hobby Lobby this weekend and saw sarajean’s heart felt square (2/$1.00). And then the Twilight Zone music started…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Don’tTry: as you have observed above, one can indicate knowledge of one’s own corey-like comments by marking them as if they were code, e.g., [corey] to open the comment and then [/corey] to close the infofactoidtidbit. Nonmarking can result in the award of corey credits, given by any other poster.

          er … /corey. ;)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          You’re so rule savvy Lola. Does this only kick in after we’ve passed “Go”..?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          I dunno about savvy, Mudsy, more like “unintentionally retentive.” As for “Go,” I … can tell you but you will have to pay $200. 8)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          Windrose permalink

          *tacks up Quarentine sign and locks self inside office*

          Adores: 1
  12. 2010 April 12
    mudslicker permalink

    Those are giant manatees in the background you sillies!

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 April 12

      Oh, the huge manatees!

      Adores: 24
      • 2010 April 12
        mudslicker permalink

        My German strudel just burst into flames!

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          Damn, now I just found another two rymes because of your burning strudel.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Perhaps it was Isaac’s Hindenburg reference….we can be muse-tandem.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        CapnMac permalink

        Napoleon Bonaparte as the R101 disaster?

        Adores: 1
  13. 2010 April 12
    sweetbiscuit21 permalink

    What a total ass-hat. Not for the fake house-with-mountain-view photo, but to have the cheek to say “no pets please” when the lady ass-hat has a dog.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 12
      TacoMagic permalink

      You wouldn’t want her little angel to be frigtened of new aminals would you. No you wouldn’t, no you wouldn’t. There’s a sweet little thing, awww, how precious. Here’s a treat for you!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 12
        jackie31337 permalink

        Was the breed of the dog specified in the ad? Somehow I got the impression that it was large and aggressive, and would be a danger to other pets.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think that’s the landlord.

          Adores: 10
    • 2010 April 12
      Lola permalink

      People like that make me want to have clandestine pets, just on principle. On the other hand, if asssombrero guy is not an animal lover, you might not want to have pets around them … you know, “Oh, I had to come in and do repairs and guess what? Fluffy just ran off!”

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 12
        sweetbiscuit21 permalink

        I had the perfect pet for this as a kid – a cat named Pancho who would hide under the bed waiting for you to walk past. He would then shoot a paw out with all razor-sharp claws extended and slash at your ankle. Most of the time he would draw blood. Mum wonders why I didn’t like the cat much…..

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          I have the perfect pet for this at home. Firefly likes to climb up people to their shoulders and cannot (or chooses not to) distinguish bare skin from clothed.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 12

        “Clandestine Pets” is a good band name.

        Aw, I forgot band names. (Tromps off to yesterday’s post.)

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          I kind of thought so, too, but didn’t want to nominate my own post.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12

          “Clandestine Petting” would be maybe even better.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Yes it would. I’ve done that – can be highly enjoyable. 8)

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 April 12
      mudslicker permalink

      It’s times like these that I wish I had a Not. A. Lion to make quick work of her peekachoo.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 12
        TacoMagic permalink

        It’s probably a Peekachoodle. Those poodles will mate with anything, they’re the lonely farmer of the Canid world.

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          Then they must have a great set of wellies! Poodle boots for poodle kanoodling!

          *wink wink*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Poodle Boots opening for Clandestine Petting at the 40WatT 2NiTe

          Adores: 3
  14. 2010 April 12
    TacoMagic permalink

    As always mudsy, you inspire me towards poetry:

    When two poodles mate,
    It’s called a poodle spoodle.

    When two poodles mate while drawing
    It’s called a poodle doodle spoodle.

    When two drawing poodles mate while eating noodles,
    It’s a poodle noodle spoodle doodle.

    When two mating poodles draw with lots of noodles while eating pastry,
    It’s called a strudel poodle oodle noodle spoodle doodle.

    When lots of mating poodles draw with noodles eating strudels and it’s raining on the amorous cows,
    It’s called a puddle strudel poodle cattle cuddle oodle noodle spoodle doodle.

    In the rain the cows and poodles cuddle while mating in the noodles, and strudels being drawn on a confused and hungry turtle,
    It’s called a puddle turtle slurple poodle cattle cuddle oodle noodle doodle strudel spoodle.

    And when…
    That’s quite enough of THAT!

    Credit to Theodor Seuss Geisel for original source material “Beetle Battle.”

    Adores: 18
    • 2010 April 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      *Brain Asplodle*

      Adores: 15
      • 2010 April 12

        you’re not the only one I assure you

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          The worst part is, I was able to say it out loud.

          Now I’m working on getting my speed up.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          Must see.

          Tonight on the Natural Channel.

          TacoMagic releases a massive link of pheromones causing oodles of brain asploodles.
          Narration by Yertle

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 12

        Wait, does brain bleach also help clean up the after brain asploshuns?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’ve got a bottle of Noodle Shampoodle to get the really bad stains.

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 April 12
      mudslicker permalink

      ..and to think it’s only Monday TM…glad I could muse you along.

      Well done. I expect to see that embedded in the credits of your next chocolate splattered horror movie.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 12
        sweetbiscuit21 permalink

        kudos to you TM, but may I suggest Decaf for the rest of the day ;-)

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Maybe a glass of warm milk and a quick nap.

          (Or perhaps some Ritalin.)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          And of course, now that it’s several hours later I realize I forgot a word in the last oodle ryme.

          Damn.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Thanks, cool earworm, Reckless Kelly’s Wiggles and Ritalin

          (wanders along humming)

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 13
      roteg permalink

      I just wanted to thank Taco for giving me something fun to read aloud. And also causing me to crave Fox in Socks.

      Now I have to reassure my children that I’m perfectly sane, Mommy just likes reading the internet out loud! Though they should be used to it, as I only read them the children’s books that are either a)songs, or b) contain funny noises like SPLAT or BANG.

      Adores: 1
  15. 2010 April 12
    LimeLolly permalink

    I’m pretty sure I heard the music from “Misery” playing while reading this ad. Great, another ‘ripped from the headlines’ movie of the week is in the making. I despise those things.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2010 April 12
    Ladycrim permalink

    Darn it, now I’m going to have Nathan Fillion-and-grapes daydreams all day while at work … (Not that I am complaining.)

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 12

      I was thinking that Nathan Fillion and Ewan McGregor would make a lovely pair of helpers. Totally makes me think of this:

      http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/bloggess-celebrity-sex-51491/

      Which is NSFW probably, even though it’s just a humor column.

      And, so you don’t have to wade through, the similar list for the gentlemen:

      http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/chicks-guy-bone-52109/

      Additional warning: like you all, she makes me laugh so hard that I cry and my nose runs.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        I have a new favorite site! I can’t view it at work, though :(

        (Alan Rickman, definitely. It’s the voice.)

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          Dear God, I love you even more, Sarajean. I thought I was the only one. I could listen to him talk all day. Purr. He has caused a strange attraction to Professor Snape and blue hookah-loving caterpillars. *off to therapy for me*
          Christopher Walken and James Earl Jones are close followers.

          *I’ll regret posting this quite soon*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Alan Rickman’s going to be in some limited run play in my vicinity starting this month.
          *breathes into paper bag in order not to hyperventilate*
          I’m really, really hoping to be able to get tickets.
          *breathes into bag some more*

          I’m a little unclear on the details because every time I see the adverts I get arrested for licking them my Id just starts shouting AlanRickmanAlanRickmanAlanRickmanAlanRickman and it’s a little distracting.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Follow up:
          Just was able to check, in relative calm.
          Bugger, he’s only directing.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          For my Rickman-lovers.
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lSH5Ne6RZE

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5FXMto-x6c

          *see my average-sized link? It’s awesome, it’s not the size, but what you do with it. Be jealous, Taco, I can get the girls more excited than you*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12

          You can still breathe his air!
          *squee*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12

          What, that effete German pseudo-terrorist tool from Die Hard?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          Yeah, and hang about the stage door constantly after in hopes of an autograph or photo. Still thinking about it.

          Isaac, you’re a guy, a straight one (I … think; you’re personally discreet) so if you don’t get it, that’s OK.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          MrWhite permalink

          Isaac, I think it has nothing to do with Die Hard, and everything to do with Sense and Sensibility.

          You know, you plop a fellow on a horse, and have him stammer some lines from Jane Austen, and it’s swoon time.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          MrWhite, you may be on to something, but I suspect that one doesn’t need a horse, Austen (who I’m not a fan of), or a wet shirt … so long as one has a properly sonorous voice and a relatively posh accent, at minimum.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          miss jo permalink

          As an example, Jeremy Irons in the Lion King. He didn’t need a shirt at all – or a body.

          Otoh, I’m also mighty partial to Taye Diggs’ voice in Chicago…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          Oooh, Miss Jo! I have have never thought, ‘Not. A. Lion!’ in quite that way.
          I’ll go get the brainbleach, or else giggle like a moron whenever my daughter puts her favorite movie on.
          I won’t mention him in Eragon. That would be cruel.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 12
          miss jo permalink

          Why would you want to bleach that out huh? I bet it’ll make watching the movie for the elebenty-hundredth time more bearable…

          And thank you for not being cruel. I have things to do this afternoon that don’t include finding a copy of Eragon. Or do I??

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          the kid ain’t too bad, either. Wait, how old is he? Should I be getting arrested? Hold up, there’s a knock at my door. Some guy in a suit.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          Lola permalink

          “HHNF? Have a seat.”

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12

          @Lo: when I mention my wife, I am being literal there.

          And I was just yankin’ your chain about Alan Rickman. He was so hunky in Galaxy Quest that I’m surprised they got away with a PG rating.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          I swear, someone else was on my computer. That HHNF tattoo was a vicious branding by said user. That person happens to be identical to me. I was just renting that movie to, uh, memorize the lines. For the local play. By the Boy Scouts. I mean…It’s a conspiracy, I tell you! I want my attorney!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 13

          *squee* Alan Rickman in Truly, Madly, Deeply and Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. That voice. Oh my. Most recently in Bottle Shock (filmed in the building next to mine). He sounds even better in person. Didn’t realize he had such a following.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 13
          sarajean80 permalink

          It’s that slow, deliberate way he speaks. It leads the mind down suggestive paths.

          HHNF-mmmm,James Earl Jones. I want to cuddle him like a teddy bear and make him read to me. It could be a phone book, I don’t care.

          Adores: 2
  17. 2010 April 12
    mudslicker permalink

    Borderline OT: Has anyone every unintentionally grabbed the glue stick instead of the Chapstick?

    *mmmm*

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      Not Chapstick, but I did confuse a jumbo glue stick with deodorant once.

      Just once.

      “…and that, boys and girls, is why you should not leave art supplies in the bathroom.”

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 April 12
        mudslicker permalink

        I’ve had that problem with a palette knife. Thought it had something to do with brushing teeth. That will never happen again!

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          TacoMagic permalink

          I once accidently grabbed denture fixitive instead of tooth paste. That stuff is difficult to get off your teeth.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          jackie31337 permalink

          My daughter keeps accidentally putting soap on her toothbrush instead of toothpaste. I can’t understand how she makes this mistake, as the soap is in a pump and the toothpaste is in a tube. I think it comes from paying more attention to making faces in the mirror than to what she’s doing. I’m pretty sure she has the CHILD disorder.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12
          sweetbiscuit21 permalink

          Jackie, FTW. That link is being sent to everyone I know.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        Lola permalink

        When I was young, my babysitter’s son, who was young enough to be defensibly illiterate, used hemherroid [sic] cream in lieu of toothpaste.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Diaper rash cream is also amazingly similar to toothpaste in texture and density. (In my defense, I had broken my glasses and I am as blind as a mole without them.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 12
          sweetbiscuit21 permalink

          My mum used to buy Supermarket brand everything, and in the bathroom had a spray can of no-name hairspray, and a can of no-name cockroach spray. Guess which one I used on my hair. After an hour of me yelling about being poisoned, she promised to buy me some decent hairspray.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 12
          christina permalink

          I once poured contact solution over my toothbrush. I was 34 and sober at the time…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 12

          Mmm, minty.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 12
      LimeLolly permalink

      Don’t know… is glue raspberry flavored?

      If it is, then yes, it’s possible I ate a glue stick. No wonder I feel so bloated.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12
        TacoMagic permalink

        So… you normally eat Chapstick?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          It’s the perfect pocket-sized snack.

          Why else would they make them taste like candy?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 April 12
          jackie31337 permalink

          My daughter did that once. In her defense, she wasn’t even 2 years old at the time.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12

          My ridiculously good-looking, mature co-worker was caught eating my Lip Smackers Dr. Pepper lip gloss. Not just once. This was after several Skittles flavors had gone missing. I also found that he would rub them on his mustache so he could smell them all day.
          I felt so…violated.
          For his birthday, I bought him every flavor of Bonne Belle Lip Smackers I could find at Wal-Mart. Unwrapping it in front of our co-workers was only part of the joy.

          Adores: 9
      • 2010 April 12
        LimeLolly permalink

        It coats the evil so that only snark comes out. :)

        So question Mud: are you having to eat through a straw? It’ll only last 2-3 days tops.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          mmm hmmm….

          :)

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 12
      BigUncleJohn permalink

      Housekeeper used dish soap in the dish washer.

      Came home to the cleanest kitchen floor I’ve ever seen with a woman sobbing in the middle of it. She described an episode of ‘I Love Lucy’ where no matter what she did, the suds kept rolling out of the dishwasher. They came out when it was closed, they exploded out when she opened it, nothing would stop the avalanche of suds.

      Adores: 7
  18. 2010 April 12

    The same as it…EVER WAS.

    Adores: 1
  19. 2010 April 12
    Austin permalink

    Ah… Wilton Manors. I lived there for a short time.
    We used to herd alpacas along the hillside. (Well… It was actually a landfill. But in Florida that’s about as close to a hillside as you can get…)

    Unfortunately, our business collapsed when all of our Alpacas were stolin. Or Borrowed.

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 April 12
      BigUncleJohn permalink

      corey/
      Landfill. That’s it! The mountains in the picture are the Pompano Beach Mt. Trashmore!!!
      /corey

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 12

        Believe it or not, I checked. Mt. Trashmore is only ~200 feet high. (An ex of mine used to live near there.)

        Ah, I looked at the link after I posted. ~225 feet.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 13
          Austin permalink

          It’s actually been ages since I lived in Wilton Manors. I don’t actually remember being near a Mt. Trashmore, though I’m sure the alpacas would have preferred it to the park we lived near. They kept getting tangled in the mangroves.

          Though this does remind me of the day I helped my father move some of his belongings into storage. I noticed this little neighborhood on a pond. All of the little houses were bright pink and yellow, and it seemed like a pretty cheerful place. Not somewhere I’d want to live, but it looked cheerful. It was kind of like the Lucky Charms of neighborhoods. It’s full of these colorful marshmallow houses, but once you get past that you’re left with these really bland oat bits that are just barely sugar coated. Then you realize the Marshmallows are all freeze dried and they feel weird on your teeth, and the cereal doesn’t taste that good to begin with, and you begin to regret begging your mom for it, and…

          …Moving on.

          Cute neighborhood. Cute Pond. Not so cute landfill.

          They built the place on a run off pond. It was predictably rather empty…

          Adores: 3
  20. 2010 April 12

    Off topic,
    whereby SpaceBug belatedly responds to postings of an earlier sort.

    To Windrose.
    SpaceBug were here 4/11.
    SpaceBug even leave short trail of sammich crumbs.
    SpaceBug humbly accepts card punch regardless of where it’s administered.
    SpaceBug now look into house re-fi for cab fare reimbursement.

    To Lola.
    Thanks for the Corey defense.
    Indeed, I changed the name at the last moment to avoid any unnecessary disclaimers.
    Plus, I have an innate fear of “professional types” showing up at the door with reams of paper and unfair, unwarranted and unwavering insistence on cease and desist.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 12
      Lola permalink

      Anytime. 8)

      Adores: 1
  21. 2010 April 12

    The new person will get full use of the lady, her dog and two tenants?

    I read it slowly over three times and that’s what I keep getting.

    For that I’d spring for at least $180.

    In fact, I just might.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 12
      Lola permalink

      Just make sure the “two tenants” aren’t actually a pair of undercover vice cops.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 12

        Vice officers usually work alone, so my odds are better.

        But I’m in either way. Cops need them some DelVecchian love, too.

        Adores: 3
  22. 2010 April 12
    Windrose permalink

    Sort of Off Topic Question here for everyone. Yesterday, which was a day most people have off, we reached a total of 100 comments. Today, a day when most of us have to drag in to work, the day is not even over here on the West Coast of the USA, and we are pushing 190 comments. My Question: Do any of you actually do any work at your place of employment??? 8) *actually I’m just jealous, I can’t use the computer for anything personal at my office*

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 12

      Long story soft of short: much of my time at the shipyard is spent waiting on people to bother more people so we may actually get something done, then someone takes a smoke break, then walks half-mile back to their building, spouts BS, walks back, waits for more decisions, etc. Typical government run employment. It’s not uncommon to see us on laptops, hiding in missile silos or behind desks, rather than sitting in a smoke shack.
      The result is me making certain awesome forum people miserable day in and day out.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 12

        Are you hiring? I have a $$$ number in mind. (Hint: it’s five figures.)

        I have 17 pages of references so I don’t need a resume or cover letter.

        Float me Lumbergh’s digits and I’ll get with them in the early PM (likely via my carphone).

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 13
          Windrose permalink

          Denny, I am sorry to say we have a hiring freeze on right now. Local Government in California, budget cuts right and left. We have work enough for three times the staff we are allowed. That just makes my day so rewarding. I swear one day I’m going out to the lobby and hire the seven cleanest looking people there. I can pay them in internets, right?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 13

          Sadly, I would not be in the top 7.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 13

          If you’re good with a torchcutter and telling people what to do, and yelling bad words that have developed their own code, sure.
          I’m sure you’d love to work with me*
          *this may not actually be true.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12

      My “employers” are 2 preschoolers — easily bribed with Blues Clues or Pee-Wee Herman these days so that I can sit in front of my magic box and laugh.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 April 12

        *Slightly OT response*
        Magic Box: how funny that when we’re small, as your tiny overlords, boxes are the most magic thing ever. Give me a box, a stuffed Not. A. Lion, a blanket and some crayons, and I’m set. I mean now, not then.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12

      I should be working at every moment that I’m YSaCking or commenting. Don’t tell my students. I am not going to have their papers ready to return tomorrow after all.

      One of the great paradoxes of academia (and drmk will back me up on this, I bet): you are given a lot of free time, and therefore none of your time is free time.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 April 13

        Srsly.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 12
      Lola permalink

      If I don’t have a busy day – and today was only moderate – I still have to look busy in front of the magic box. Since, unlike a coworker, I can’t prop my Kindle up and surreptitiously read, I check FB, catch up on Awful Library Books and Cakewrecks (sometimes people think I’m crying – I am, with laughter), Regretsy (if I dare risk the NSFW items), look over Go Fug Yourself, and check YSAC … a lot, sometimes. And why do I get unlimited net access? Because if I need to research anything, I need access to anything! (Awesome. And if they fired me for it, they’d have to fire my coworkers for their visits to Perez, Jezebel, Dlisted, and the like, so I figure YSAC isn’t too bad.)

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 13
        marn permalink

        I work in a Federal gov’t office, and any given day can be extremely busy or extremely dull…but I always have to *look* busy, so I hit all of my fave blogs (pretty much all the ones Lola lists, plus a few others, most of which involve cats.) I rarely check these sites when I’m at home…y’all are my “work friends!”

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 12
      Limelolly permalink

      Um… yes, I’m working.. can’t you hear the sound of my tapping keys?

      Seriously, on weekends, I’m lucky to get to look at the home comp, let alone touch it. I need longer weekends, mine currently are too full for two days.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 13
        Windrose permalink

        Limey, I agree! It takes all weekend to clean bird cages and feed the flock. Good thing I love my birds. 8)

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 13
      miss jo permalink

      I’m in Australia, so my timezone’s sort of against me, but I’m also a fulltime student so my snark pattern mostly depends on assignment due dates. And on whether the college’s filter lets the site through at all (I’m at Bible college so it got a little touchy on pron day).

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 13
      sarajean80 permalink

      I’m a receptionist, so I have long stretches of down-time between frantic periods when everyone needs something done right that instant. When I’m home I rarely go near the computer since I’ve got so much more to do. (It also reminds me a little bit of the nine hours I spend at work every day.)

      Adores: 0
  23. 2010 April 13
    Windrose permalink

    christina, especially for you, a punch lined with alpaca wool! Punchity!

    Adores: 1
  24. 2010 April 13
    NutellaNutterson permalink

    Tin Eye turns up 25 matches for that photograph. So yeah… totally a shot of the rental house.

    Adores: 0
  25. 2010 April 14
    eeee permalink

    So, on the topic of backslashes, is one of you folks the guy who writes the internet comic XKCD?

    http://xkcd.com/727/

    (If the rule of chaos coincidence holds true, this tidbit will come up for a third time within the next ~8 hours… )

    Adores: 0
  26. 2010 April 16
    Alex permalink

    Tineye retuns a bunch of hits for this photo, including a Photoshop contest from Worth1000.com
    http://www.tineye.com/search/021ce129f46e0310d2314468f3dcc3742afbe4d4

    Adores: 0
  27. 2010 April 19

    I just wanted to thank Taco for giving me something fun to read aloud. And also causing me to crave Fox in Socks.

    Now I have to reassure my children that I’m perfectly sane, Mommy just likes reading the internet out loud! Though they should be used to it, as I only read them the children’s books that are either a)songs, or b) contain funny noises like SPLAT or BANG.

    Adores: 0
  28. 2013 February 10

    Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don’t you people get it when the day is over and comments are done until the time for a redux? Sheesh! Talk about inappropriate comments. You all get 5 demerits for this.

    Adores: 0
    • 2013 February 10
      limelolly permalink

      Timeouts in the corner work better.

      Adores: 3
  29. 2013 February 10

    Those are the same mountains that you see from Cocoa Beach, FL, in I Dream of Jeannie.

    Adores: 2
  30. 2013 February 10

    5 demerits? Then I’m in… uh… Hufflepuff. Yeah, that’s it, Hufflepuff.

    Adores: 3
  31. 2013 February 10
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Given that it’s $155/month for all that, I assume corners were cut whereever possible, and this may be in a neighborhood that was not rebuilt after Hurricane <INSERT RECENT DEVASTATING HURRICANE HERE> or perhaps it's a clever tax dodge from a <INSERT CRIME SYNDICATE HERE> or even a <INSERT $20 TO CONTINUE>

    Adores: 2
  32. 2013 February 11

    Tankerbell, make tracks out of here! Smedley, your box time continues one more day, but you will have lots of company. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Santa Monica, Florida!

    Adores: 0

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