YSaC, Vol. 633: Sometimes, less is less.
2010 April 11
Imagine yourself transported to the serenity of a Japanese garden. Hear the water trickling in the background. Feel your stress dissolve as you contemplate these perfect little haiku:
Brand New
Make offers
shirt
shirt
tell scop
tell scop free
And one from Kijiji, which itself sort of sounds Japanese:
Wanted: stolin or borrowed
5 alpacas
not trying too hard
we are not trying hard enough
and still not a lion
Thanks Dani, Peter, Richelle, and Jen!
Boy, you’re right, with just a little editing:
Brand new, shirt, ‘scop,
Wanted, stolen or borrowed
Five alpacas, please
Not quite.a.haiku.
Brand New. Make Offer. Hey, stud muffin, want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
Silly french k’k’k’k’nig’et
Knees-bent advancing-behaviour
-Comment-
Opinion Here
This appears to be a scrip submission for that Sundance contender from the other day:
Scene: A dark alley. [YOUNG GIRL] is walking. [REALLY BAD MAN] steps out of a doorway and holds out a box of items to [YOUNG GIRL].
RBM: Brand new, make offer.
YG (surprised): Shirt! Shirt! (looking around scared, no way to escape. Digs around in purse, pulls out telescope) Tel scop?
RBM (shakes head slow and menacing): Tel scop free! (lunges at girl)
Fade to black.
Scene: Police station. Visible on wall is a wanted poster, “Wanted: Stolin or borrowed: 5 alpacas.
Fin.
Hmmm, that’s good. But I don’t remember the fin. Was the shark wearing the shirt?
Steal your own alpacas, you lazy so-and-so!
Is there really a big market for hot alpacas? Is there some vast underground black market in luxury fibers? I know the yarn’s expensive, but what’s next – silk worm smuggling? Cashmere capers? Angora bunny bootlegging?
I’m a little dubious about angora bunny bootlegging – have you ever tried to stuff a rabbit into a boot? They’re not very cooperative.
How would you get very far with the bunnies tickling your feet?
Not my angora bunneh!
http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m174/sweetallysmom/MybabyAppa.jpg
Thank you for the squee moment, HHNF. Your bunneh is adorable!
I love the look of pathetic desperation, don’t you? I don’t know why she looked like that, but it’s kindof sad.
I’m in love wif your bunneh (softest hair!). Please don’t tell my kitteh; he’s the jealous type.
She’s all for affairs. Here, you can pet her.
http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m174/sweetallysmom/C31277208320581u_photo.jpg
(…she said, whipping out her massive link.)
It was better before she password protected her personal folders.
Graham, I love these people, and would not wish to inflict those things upon their poor brains. There is not enough brainbleach in the world after the pron post a few days back.
*pets bunneh tummeh, washes hands, looks innocent and whistles*
PS: handwashing is to literally throw cat off of scent, not b/c of any bunny unsanitariness
Right, Lola. You both feel dirty.
So cute and fluffy! My daughter has been begging for a bunny ever since her preschool visited the pet store. We need to get a bigger place first, though.
Get her one! Potty train it first, and then pick it some fresh food (dandelions and such) each day and it won’t chew on things. much quieter and and fun than a dog, less evil than a cat.
That’s the other reason we can’t have a bunny right now: we have a cat.
So, this is what happens when the art of Zen is applied to craigslist.
Well, this and the table. These are even more brief (and vague).
The last one has more of a Buddhist feel to me. As in:
Karma will bite you in the ass (most likely in the form of an alpaca).
Is Sto-lin near Shao-lin? Just wondering.
Actually, Stolin is in the brest district of Belarus.
Hee hee, I said brest…
But really, why would anyone want a Belarusan (Belarusi?; Belarusarean?) alpaca. Perhaps to have an alpaca that will be the Bela of the ball?
DontTryThisAtHome is quite correct:
Archaeological evidence suggests that the area which Stolin now occupies, was settled as far back as the 12th century AD. The first mention of Stolin dates to 1555. Stolin refers to a group of local fisherman who cast their fishing nets into a lake and pulled out 100 fish or Sto (100 in Russian) “Leeni” (a type of local fish). This is an obvious request for the rare aquatic alpaca; the fur of which is used to make woven fishing nets.
Burroed alpaca (not borrowed – a typo by Sparky) are, of course, a crossbreed between a donkey and an alpaca. Though I’m not sure why he’d want those……..
Huh? Holy andean aquatic horrors!
I remember it’s “Cuiado, esta Llamas aiya!” as they have the fins for swimming?
Is it alpaca too?
Bill Brinkley was right about going near the water . . .
Maybe they meant Stalin.
Though in Soviet Russia, alpacas steal you.
Hm.
Hey, do you still have that red table for sale? Can I take it for free?
*dazed, confused* I apparently had a dream that today’s post was about a room for rent in Florida. And I made a comment. And went back to bed. And now it’s all gone. My mind is going. I can feel it.
So I’m not the only one who dreams about reading things and making posts on the internet.
If your mind is going, perhaps ask it to take you with it …
Actually, we had accidental posts from the future a time or two before; maybe that’s what happened?
Yup. Double post due to drmk’s inability to properly type in dates. Dan caught it, but not quickly enough, apparently!
See, Windrose, you aren’t losing your mind after all. You’re just remembering things that aren’t supposed to happen yet. 8)
I’m psychic? Don’t know what’s worse. LOL Thanks, drmk, for clearing that up, and Lola and Silva for the support.
Hey, drmk, do you mind if I borrow you and say, 4 friends for the night? I have a guy who’d love to meet you….
Hey, is that really drmk? It says “testaccount.”
… Do you hear that? Is that the “Twilight Zone” theme?
I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Lola. Everything seems perfectly normal to me…
Damn it. I was working behind the scenes to figure out some issues. Grrrr. Yesterday appears to have been an all-kinds-of-incompetent day.
Stupid end of the semester.
Considering that I looked at it multiple times before even noticing that part, I cannot comment on anyone’s competence or lack of.
I enjoyed education, but I don’t miss being on academic calendars. My friends who are are going … a bit … insane right now. Fortunately, it seems temporary.*
*At least, I hope so. We like our Llama-Nun more or less compos mentis.
Do we get a rendition of “daisy”?
(And don’t cal me “Dave”, Hal.)
It’s filled with stars . . .
Clearly, it’s a code. The poster of the first three ads is the neighbor of the last ad’s poster. When they saw Sparky #2’s family in their nice new knit sweaters, the encoded a message on Craigslist, but misspelled “cops” as “scop” because, being computer illiterate, they trusted either their cat or their 8-year-old to the job. I say cat.
“Tell Scop Free” is part of the anti-snitching campaign in the hip-hop community. Don’t tell the scop, man. That is totally uncool.
No, no: he’s a scop, and he’s offering to listen for free to whatever tales you might tell him.
He’s hungry for material. After he hears your tales, he’ll no doubt weave them into lengthy alliterative poems, tossing in a few sea monsters, or dragons, or exchanges of boasting. Of course, if I told him my stories, adding sea monsters would be redundant. But then I have had some especially awesome adventures. Remind me to tell you about this time I was sailing with my buddy Brendan…
Ooh, good one. I could use a good scop right now.
It only just occurred to me that you could also tell a scop about distant objects, like stars or planets for example, or perhaps a neighbor who keeps the curtains open, and the scop might then sing you a saga that would make those distant objects seem closer.
Resisting the urge to revisit a Spider Robinson pun on “Zion’s Friction.”
O to have scop on hand, yet one with ultimate discretion, lest same wind up like Robin’s minstrels.
What happened to them? Did they get minstrel cramps?
+elebenfinity interwebz for “Minstrel Cramps,” which is of course a wandering band of guys who eat too soon before swimming. (Well, what did you think it was going to be?)
Snark.
Rejoinder. Laughing. Recycled ideas.
Reply.
Witty comeback.
Desperate attempt to keep pathetic jabs going.
Reminder that in Soviet Russia, dead horses beat you.
Dead horses? I may be ‘slow’, but I can still run.
Nay, HHNF, I didn’t mean you or your jape. Just a self-referential gag, or gag reflex maybe, at the Soviet-Russia-style late comment.
Editorial admonishment.
YSaC meme.
Blah blah blah duct tape blah blah blah sex act.
Forceful suggestion regarding acquisition of chamber available for durations counted in multiples of sixty minutes.
connection to Willie, football and bbq
coreyism w/r/t BBQ and/or Willie
Expressed regret for comprehension.
Off Topic Story.
Brain Bleach. Boiling.
Plus elebenty (to everyone). More lurking.
Eta: That was supposed to be in reply to Jane.
Lurking.
Delurking to make obvious or witty comment, then going back to lurking.
Request to remain delurked, more attempts at witty humor and/or bad puns.
Day late reply to thread.
Nomination of previously written, curiously juxtaposed words (with possible innuendo) as band name.
Unfortunately, I had already told Scop.
I hope that doesn’t get me into trouble.
Didn’t you hear Graham? Totally uncool. You’re nuffin budda stoll pigeon. Wait til Big Toni finds outtaboutdis, mang.
*ha, stool pigeon, I wouldn’t be shocked to find one of those for sale here, either*
“*ha, stool pigeon, I wouldn’t be shocked to find one of those for sale here, either*”
I’d buy one, as long as the pigeons were made with french preventional stools.
-I just can’t wrap my head around using any other type of stool.
Clearly you haven’t been visiting Regretsy often enough. Crafters will make anything out of anything.
I was thinking along those lines, too, Isaac. I mean, aren’t stool pigeons supposed to be referred to as “feces-based* Columbidae-Americans” now?
*Yeah, I know it really isn’t that kind of stool.
If you stand under an overpass long enough, you’ll find out all about pigeon stools.
It’s okay, you told him “free”, right?
What I want to know is how one “borrows” an alpaca. I mean, the poster admitted he’s willing to steal, so surely nobody would trust him to “borrow” their alpaca, right? Unless he means like in the books/movie about The Borrowers, where they replace everything they “borrow” with something they took earlier.
Aaaand now I have this image in my head of a confused looking South American villager with 5 sheep in what used to be his alpaca pen, and a bunch of 1′ tall people trying to cram an alpaca in a mouse hole.
You’ve seen The Emporer’s New Groove, right?
“A llama?!?!?! He’s supposed to be DEAD!!!”
I totally heard Eezma’s voice.
I thought the alpaca ad was in the spirit of “Hey! someone stole my 5 alpacas…. wait, maybe they just borrowed them…. I’ll put an ad on Craigslist and they will return them, because I want them!”
You otter be a detective.
*groan*
Why, he otter–eek! now I’m doing it! Said it again!
And I meant “oater” since this does seem to be about rustlers; as a fraternity of sheep shearers bent on frolicking seems low. But, I’m confused as to which aquatic mammals we are dealing with, having learned (v.s.) that not only are there Surfing Samurai Llama, but Alpaca, too.
Alpaca few sammiches for our surfing trip, if youpaca towel or two.
Just noticed that ‘tell scop free’ can be re-written as: cops fell tree. I think our poster is a cypher-environmentalist.
‘tree fells cop’ has a much nicer ring to it, don’t you think?
Trees only ever attack in self-defense
Not always. I knew a guy back in ’97 who lost his leg to a rabid tree.
adjectives no nouns
minimal information
you suck at craigslist
Geez, what a day for SpaceBug not to show up! I’ll have to punch his card in absentia. I hope that’s not too far from Ish. I don’t have much cab fare.
I have some llamas down the way from me, think I can pass them off as stolin alpacas?
You have to put bushy moostaches on them and give them preposterous accents.
… and cut them off at the knees. Llamas are taller’n alpacas.
(lives in CO where people are living the Alpaca Lifestyle, as well as the Llama Lifestyle, the Sheep Lifestyle, the Highland Cow Lifestyle, and the Bison Lifestyle)
All of those would make such great names for bands…