YSaC, Vol. 809: I’ve got a ticket to … something.
2010 October 4
Tickets for new season available now! – $30
1 ticket for $30 and two tickets for $55!
come get them!
SD from Minneapolis (who I met at the meetup, by the way!) sent this in a few weeks ago. Apparently, there must be only one event happening at a time in Minneapolis, so there’s no need to type out unnecessary words — such as the name of the event. Obviously everyone knows what this is the new season OF.
This theory is supported by yet another ad, also sent in by SD from Minneapolis:
Two Tickets Available – $120
Two tickets, face value $70 a piece, I’ll sell them for $60 a piece.
Minnesotans: good at math for multiple tickets … but bad at actually letting you know what event the tickets are FOR.
Thanks, SD! Enjoy the shows … whatever they are!
Two tickets to Paradise perhaps?
Although, somehow I don’t think Minnesota and Paradise collide too often in the same sentence…
First thing I thought of too. I don’t think Minnesota is the destination. I’m pretty sure you need to leave Minnesota to find paradise. So pack your bags and leave tonight.
I’ve got got two tickets for an aeroplane
You ain’t got time to take a fast train
Lonely days are gone, you can go on home
Your baby just wrote you a letter
Don’t worry how much money you gotta spend
Got to get back to your baby again
Lonely days are gone, you can go on home
Your baby just wrote you a letter
Well she wrote you a letter
Said she couldn’t live without you no more
Listen mister, listen to me
You gotta get back to your baby once more, anyway
I’ve got got two tickets for an aeroplane
You ain’t got time to take a fast train
Lonely days are gone, you can go on home
Your baby just wrote you a letter
Well she wrote you a letter
Said she couldn’t live without you no more
Listen mister, listen to me
You gotta get back to your baby once more, anyway
I’ve got got two tickets for an aeroplane
You ain’t got time to take a fast train
Lonely days are gone, you can go on home
Your baby just wrote you a letter
Cause your baby just wrote you a letter
… only they really didn’t. They got someone from Craigslist to answer all their emails and letters at $.02 a pop!
Unless it was the letter to the ethics board, I wrote that one.
I always have my black cat Zebb write my letters to any Ethics Board. She’s left-pawed which boosts her creativity level. Plus, unlike my grey tabby, her penmanship is stellar.
The only drawback is—she likes to eat the crayons when she’s done.
Look on the bright side, the litter box never looked so vibrant. 🙂
Like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Wait, so… two tickets for “new season”? So they’re good for some sort of weather changing device? I can skip winter?
Ehn, but for $30… forget it.
If there was some way to skip winter, I think the Minnesotans would pay more than $30 for it. What a bargain! And only another $25 to skip spring and go right into summer!
And miss ice fishing? There is no way the average Minnesotan would do without that.
“Where ya gonna get da smelt for da smelt feed at the church Sundee afternoon? Dere not gonna ketch demselves, ya know.”
Have you ever experience a Minnesota summer? The things are killer…it can get up past 100, which, when coupled with the massively sub-zero winter temps puts so much stress on the pavement that sometimes, on a hot day, sections of road just literally explode. Pow! Kaboom! Pothole. Very cool.
(Or maybe I’m just bitter from the August we moved to a fourth-floor walk-up. In 103 heat. With myself, my husband, my arthritic mother, and my overweight father for a moving team. We bribed a passer-by to carry the bedsprings and couch.)
And, in that section of the world (I grew up in Wisconsin, sis still lives in Minneapolis), it is HUMID. Ugly humid. And then when the sun goes down, out come the things those folks call mosquitoes but people from other places call small raptors. Upper midwestern skeeters are known to drain young children and small dogs.
Basically, the point is, there is really no good time to live there.
I was stationed in St. Paul for four years. The most fun I’ve had with my clothes on. I weighed about 60 pounds less, so I could run around with minimal clothing, so I know from whence I speak. Spent the summer of ’96 in a canoe on Orchard Lake in Lakeville. (It’s eponymous!) After I’m done down here in Africa hot illiterate land, I’m going to retire there.
I don’t know. $30 to skip winter seems like a bargain to me. 3-5 months in Miami or Puerta Vallarta would be way more expensive than that.
Skip winter? Oh hell yes, I’ll take ’em. I’ll take a lifetime subscription. Just bill my credit card and I’ll see y’all in April.
I’d pay $30 to skip this ding-dangity everlasting summer Utah seems to be having, and get a new season of 60 degree weather and sweater hams. I mean sweaters. And boots.
Amen! I’ll gladly pay the $55 and skip both summer and winter. Way cheaper than moving to San Diego.
But, SD is cool, my Aunt lives there. And WR is not that far away, either.
MN: Seriously! It’s October, and today’s 73 and rainy seems cold compared to what we’ve been having? I just gave up on Fall and started wearing my boots anyways, actually….
What part of Utah are you from, if you don’t mind me asking? I’ve been in Happy Valley, aka The Bubble for the last 6 years :-p
And here in NH it’s 60 and overcast, but I’m still wearing sandals, because, you know, it’s only October and not really snowing or anything.
Sweater hams and booties? Can we just keep summer and call it cosplay?
We are still having 90+ weather here and our winter only requires a light jacket. Some of the college kids still wear shorts and sandals in Jsnuary.
EB: We’re neighbors! I live in between the two big schools.
And yes, I’m enjoying the rain. 😀
Is Jsnuary the name of the new season?
Happy Jsnuary everyone!
Boston has the same weather as LRC’s NH weather. Except it was windy today, which I wasn’t expecting and I was kind of cold.
I blame my onehanded heavily medicated typing.
A couple of days ago, it was in the 90s, and now it’s hovering around 40–I’m wondering to myself where the cool weather went. Although, I’m sure some of you probably think 40 is fairly warm.
I loved the weather last spring–I was outside in the courtyard of the school, playing pétanque in the wonderful 70+ sunshine, hoping it would stay like that forever–a day later we missed school because of several inches of snow. Arkansas is messed up.
Kelli, that’s the second time you mentioned one handed typing. Time to give the cricket players a rest! 😉
christina, I actually haven’t yet googled them. My right arm is in a sling to keep me from doing further damage to my shoulder after I decided the last three stairs were optional Saturday
Oh ouch! Always opt for those last few stairs. Opting not to take them resulted in my last broken nose.
Ow kelli. You’re supposed to avoid pain, not stairs. Better yet, get an elevator installed. 🙂
Hope you are a fast healer.
No, winter cannot be skipped, around here, it’s the only time the a/c gets to rest . . .
“Lousy Smarch weather!” Homer Simpson
Cue TV voice over:
How many times has this happened to you? You’re out for a date. Dinner was fantastic and now you’re off to that show that is so popular. The one no one can believe you could get tickets to on short notice. Wait…the tickets! As you frantically search your pockets, your date says, “You DO have the tickets, right?”
Well if you had THE TICKETS this would never happen again! THE TICKETS – good for any season, new or old. THE TICKETS – perfect for getting into that thing that’s going on. THE TICKETS – never miss the event again! Keep them in your purse, your car, even a spare set in your cost pocket. THE TICKETS – get them now!
Coat pocket, not cost pocket! Stupid phone thinking it knows what I’m trying to type. And I can’t edit. Grrr.
It may very well know what you subconsciously wanted to say if you’re using an iFreud.
I want an iFreud to analyze the dream I had this morning. [true dream corey] I dreamed I hit a little girl with my car. She was on the side of the road and she was alive and there was no obvious injury but she was kind of half-conscious, and I went into her house and her mom was this sleaze-bot and for some reason we didn’t call 911 that night, just left the little girl on the side of the road until morning. We brought her a blanket about dawn (’cause in the dream I’m clearly a good Samaritan). But then when I finally got around to calling for help, I couldn’t get my blackberry to dial 911, and sleaze-bot Mom was on the phone and I couldn’t get her to hang up so I could call 911. [/true dream corey]
WTF?
(Note to self: don’t walk along any roads in Andie’s neighborhood…)
So what did you and sleaze-bot mom do all night? Play cards?
Surf the web looking at Google images of Cricket players?
Crackberry. Typing under the influence, apparently.
iFreud? There’s an app for that??? 🙂
I just checked the App Store and, yep. There is, in fact, an app for that. Dozens, apparently. I should know better than to try and make a joke about apps because chances are it probably exists, and most of the time makes me lose just a little more faith in humanity.
(Although to be fair some of them are strictly reference-based rather than some silly virtual psychoanalysis that probably all diagnose a phallic obsession or oedipus complex, so it’s not all bad.)
If the iFreud app was merely image-based, all that would be up there would be: horses, ladders, snakes, caves, boxes, ships, peaches, mountains, fountains, swords, bulls, trees, rifles, sausages, ice cream cones, dragons, rockets, etc. etc.
Hmmmm…..swords, dragons, rifles, rockets….sounds good to me. Oh and ice cream.
Manda, how’d you get YSaC to work on your crackberry? I could use mine for that and avoid the potential for sudden termination of employment if anyone decided to enforce the de minimis internet rule.
We here at YSaC are proud to inform you of the fact that this is one website with absolutely NO phallic obsession.
*runs the line up the flag pole and proudly watches as it snaps smartly to attention in the breeze*
Oh surely NMN, as a young male, you should be able to come up with some more images. Melons? Tacos (may he be in gravy heaven right now), tree houses, joy sticks?
I could, but I choose not to.
“One night I dreamt there was this enormous tree and I was sitting right on top of it, and another time I dreamt I was a sausage roll…”
(Queenie, Blackadder II)
Andie, I just use my browser on my ‘berry the same way I would a regular PC. The trick to this site is scrolling all the way to the bottom and immediately selecting “switch to desktop site” so that comments nest and such. The mobile version on a Blackberry is a train wreck.
“I have a cunning plan . . . ”
Cappy: I thought you said…..
He’s a common cunning linguist…
Cost pocket? I can see it. Everything that costs anything comes out of my pocket.
I keep thinking cost pocket in the “Hot Pocket!” voice. Anyone else doing that?
I am now. Thanks!
Thanks to the comedic styling of Jim Gaffagin (or however you spell it), I tend to “hot pocket” most phrases involving hot or pocket.
Clearly, she’s got a ticket to ride, but she don’t care.
She don’t care because the ticket is for a midnight train goin’ an-eeeee-where.
Then I wonder why she asked if this was the train to Desert Moon.
The midnight train only goes to Georgia.
The Peace Train only goes to Cat Steven’s house, and The City of New Orleans has got the disappearing railroad blues.
Maybe it’s a ticket for a train going west, and after you fall asleep to take your rest, you can use the iFreud to analyze your dreams.
LRC, you “fell asleep” because of all the Night Train you consumed at the depot.
Yes, and now I fear I’m on the Crazy Train.
Save me a seat, LRC.
I’ll try, but if you miss the train I’m on, you will know that I am gone.
My train of thought just derailed
The Peace Train now stops at Mustaffa Heywoodjablome’s house, or whatever Cat Stevens re-named himself.
Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? You were going 120 in a 70 mile per hour zone. Since it’s the start of a new season, I’m going to have to give you two tickets. No, you can’t give me $55 instead. $60? Hmmmm. No, sorry, just take the tickets, and have a good day. Be very careful as you reenter traffic.
*Wonder if I can sell these two tickets on Craigslist?*
Slow start this Monday morning. Guess it’s time to say penis. Any takers?
Windy — you are a brave sole for a Monday morning.
I’m sure she just did it for the halibut.
Already have one. Thanks, though. Maybe if I ever need a spare…
Pretty cock-sure of yourself this morning aren’t you, Windy……….
Rosie, no offense, but I am getting a little bored with penis mentions everyday. Can we ask for a moratorium?
I’m sure if Taco was here he’d suggest mentioning your shoulder knees instead. We’re all about equal opportunity here.
Well, equal opportunity for mentioning sexual bits for a cheap laugh, anyway.
Uterus!
Spermatic cord!
Suspensory ligament!
Epididymis!
Although I am hurling doors at EB, I’m wondering if we might want to move away from that particular, er… shakra. We could go for a new location. I’m thinking maybe the left leg.
Iliopsoas muscle!
I don’t know what that is but is sounds funny and dirty at the same time.
I know what it is, but why don’t you just go Google it, SJ?
** Slow motion running, hand out, to stop SJ if she’s at work **
NNNNOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!
That sounds suspiciously like a trap, but okay.
:Google break:
That was … informative.
(Don’t worry Andie, I went with Wikipedia. Very tasteful line drawings, no close-ups of the man bits.)
Cheap, free, at the expense of others. In this economy, I’m hardly in a position to turn up my nose at cheap jokes.
“Splenic Artery”!
“Hippocampus”!
“Glands of Cowpers”!
Vas deferens in the Mariana Trench!
So, what’s for dinner tonight?
Rereading EB’s post up there, I’m going to say that the “suspensory ligament” is not something I want damaged. Also, I’m afraid to look it up.
One of my favorite muscles is the sternocleidomastoid 😀
(Yes. I have a favorite muscle. It also happens to be extremely easy to identify on a cadaver, which is more points in it’s favor.)
:yet another Google break:
Yeah, you don’t want to know what that is and you definitely don’t want to damage it.
Oh, EB, I LOVE the sternocleidomastoid! Yes, excellent choice.
You don’t want to damage any of yours, either, SJ :-p
And by “it’s favor” I obviously meant “its favor” 😀
I dunno, I think you were right the first time, EB. “Points in it’s favor” is possessive, so i believe the apostrophe is correct and appropriate.
Bombdude, it’s = it is; its= possessive
Well, since we are talking about our favorite muscles, mine is the orbicularis oris. Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.
My new favorite that I discovered while looking up suspensory ligament – the Zonule of Zinn. It’s in your eye, but sounds very D&Dish.
My old favorite is the sartorius muscle, AKA “the tailor’s muscle”, it’s the longest muscle in the human body. (No matter what some guys say.)
sj: Sounds very Ghostbuster-ish. ZUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLL.
Gah! Kelli, of course, you’re right, and I’m turned around again.
J-Dog – When my little sister was in high school, she danced almost professionally, so she was very toned. Because of her busy schedule, she didn’t really have a lot of time for dating (or kissing…), so we used to say that her orbicularis oris was her only muscle that didn’t get any exercise.
Speaking of muscles, and nice-looking cricketers, can I get a “Hell, yeah!” for glutes?
Edit: Of course, then we’re back in the same general … shakra we were trying to avoid.
@ J-Dog – when I was about twelve, I used to go around asking growed-up people if they’d ever experienced an “anatomical conjunction of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction”. When they looked at me funny and said “um, no?” I’d laugh and run away yelling “never been kissed!!!”
Hmm, I was a horrifically annoying child.
That sounds very … naughty.
Uh… Almost professionally? Ballet? Or something a little more lascivious?
Yeah, ballet and jazz. She was very very good, and at a really high level, but she didn’t get paid. In the dance world, you are considered a “professional” if you get paid for it.
…what?
*translates Innana’s request* Rosie, you low-brow, ignorant, cheap laugh sucker, no offense.
Uh, okay. Really, it’s only tiring when I do it. For everyone else, it’s good for laughs. No problem. 8)
Not true at all. When you say it, I imagine your bird is saying it. And nothing is funnier than an inappropriate bird. 🙂
Besides, I take full responsibility for starting the penis meme.
christina, don’t mind me. A second harsh berating from my boss today, and the first one was only a couple weeks ago. And more to come. I feel lousey, and stressed, and I just react badly to some things. But tomorrow I’ll be farting rainbows again, I promise.
Error in translation!! I was directing a request to all penis-mentioners everywhere. No intention toward any particular person.
Hugs,Windrose. I know how job stress can take its toll. This site was the only thing that made my last job bearable towards the end.
Innana, it really was my fault. I made a comment a while back about how the word penis was showing up daily ever since the costume post and, well, this is YSaC, a meme was born. I’ll try to keep my line crossing subtle.
Well, please everyone, don’t take me so seriously. I never want to hurt feelings.
Guys, you know those tickets are for that one game, over there, with those two teams, at that time. It’s that simple.
You forgot those two colors of the team.
That one team with the uniforms with the colors on it, and I think they are playing that other team from that other city that has that nickname. You know?
I love them! I always cheer for them. “Go team! Do stuff to score points! Go stop the other team from doing that too!”
I love sports!
I only watch it at home, but I always yell at the TV, “The team that’s not from my city sucks! They couldn’t get the object they must possess into my team’s scoring apparatus even if my team wasn’t anywhere near the playing surface! Also, that notorious opposing team member is taking steroids, smokes crack, and deliberately engages in game actions that are against its stated rules!”
Go my favorite sports team, go! Score a goal unit!
Oh man…if I had a some sort of monetary denomination for every time I’ve yelled THAT at the TV during the big sporting event…well, I’d have a whole bunch of those things. And then I could buy the tickets with them!
I got a ticket! I got a ticket! I got a ticket, Hey hey hey hey!!!
I was watching my son play that game, you know sprots, and I said something about “crack” to the guys constantly blowing the whistles and throwing colored cards around — they asked my to leave???? I really wanted to say “you’re not the boss of me”, but …… My son gave me that “I’m not related to you” look.
Afterwards, I was told that they “kicked the other guys butt” — I didn’t see any of that. It looked like they were kicking a round thing to each other on the grass.
I like to yell at the officials, too. All insults hurled at officials are interchangeable between sports and teams. “You suck!” “Are you high?” “Get your glasses checked!” “What, your grandpa founded the entity represented by that team? Is that why you’re blind to their blatant cheating?” “Bring on the real officials!”
To quote a friend of mine: “Go Us! ‘Booo!’ the other guys”
Oh, the new viral Ticketmaster ad campaign!
The theme song is by Goldfrapp:
I’ve got a ticket.
You’re going to use it
to go to an event.
I’ve always wanted to see the new season, but tickets into the temporal vortex between existing seasons are hard to come by. I wonder how Sparky got his hands on two of them?
My beloved New Zealand are playing in Bangladesh tomorrow. It’s like the Sparkies are mocking me.
I’m concerned that this Sparkatollah is perhaps lying in wait with A TRAP. Because he appears to mean the tickets are $60 apiece, and to simply be engaging in the time-honored CL tradition of creative speeling. But what if he quite literally means he will sell you only one piece of a ticket for $60? Thus, if you want the entire ticket, you will have to buy all the pieces, at $60 per. And you will not discover this until you have purchased the first piece, at which point you will be out $60 and will have to purchase the remaining pieces in order to avoid totally wasting your initial $60 outlay?
Perhaps I’m jaded, but **in best Tim Gunn voice** I’m dubious.
Nah, a piece was correct, it was season he got wrong. He meant seasoning tickets. Two seasoning tickets gets you a piece of Spice Christ to call your own.
Heathens. Clearly these ticket are not for sports, but for that one concert, with the instruments, featuring that composer and that particular prima donna instrument player.
Do you really think your average* sports fan would be able to punctuate and spell that well?
*Note I said average. So…none of you. If you’re sports fans. 😀
Or maybe they’re to that one play. Written by that writer who had that scandal. You know, the play about those people who live in that place, and that girl is in love with that guy, but she can’t have him because of who she is? And then periodically they break into song? And there’s dancing? I LOVE that play! Especially that one song near the end? I’m getting verklemmt just thinking about it.
Sounds like a wacky Romeo and Juliet/Sound of Music crossover. Staring the kids from Glee.
Andie, that one is my FAVORITE! I always cry during that one song.
Rick Sanchez on Line #1 for Andie.
Oh, is that the one they are having at that place downtown?
Yeah, with the chairs. And the stage? That place.
Yeah, I really like the way they re-did the, you know, thing there, last year.
I know that place! It’s right around the corner from that restaurant, with the food. The last time I was in there I got that waiter, the rude one, and that thing I always get but this time it was cold and burnt. I complained to the manager and got that dessert I always wanted to try for free.
Was it the dessert that’s on the dessert menu that comes with the stuff on top? Because I’ve always wanted to try that, too. Was it good?
It was really good, but I got the stuff on the top put on the side. It’s better that way.
Was it that one that’s on fire?
Why would I go to a restaurant that’s on fire?
Oh, you know, with that guy! The one we went to different schools together with.
Edit: This should have been quite a bit farther Nort’.
Sorry, stuck speaking Minnesotan.
Last time I checked, I was an Advanced Level 5 Fan.
Then again, the sport I follow (read: am passionately enamoured with) is cricket.
Reina, I love to hear newscasters report on cricket games because I’m a total Yank and I can’t help but try to understand cricket using the concept of baseball. Which, of course, it isn’t. I have absolutely no idea what most of the words they use mean. It always makes me laugh because they get excited, or bummed out, or whatever, and I am like, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMKKKKKKAAAAAAYYYY.
Then they cut to clips of these lovely men in pristine white outfits (including sweaters, for the love of Spice Christ) with pads in wierd places. I can’t help my Yankitude, I see them and I think, “you are going to sweat like a pig and your mother/wife/morlock slave is going to kill you for the stains you’re going to get on those clothes.”
Cricket is the sport that makes me the spectator described earlier. “Go, team in white! Do whatever it is you do to score!”
I love to listen to the cricket scores on the BBC. They are so very proper and British and they make no sense to me.
*affects high-brow British accent* And now for the cricket. A very exciting game between Northumberland and the favored South Austrailians in the limited over under test match this afternoon. On the pitch, the bowlers wickited the wide, and the Razors took seven touches to complete the match with a running striker. The highlight was when the officials were forced to declare a batter with footty wickets and had his wicket stumper forcefully removed during the bowling.
I know nothing about cricket and I don’t learn anything from listening to the scores, since the above is pretty much what they sound like to me.
Andie,
It’s not ENTIRELY unlike baseball. You hit the ball and run to score, and there’s the same concept of trying to get to a ‘safe zone’ before the fielders of the opposite team get the ball there. It’s just much, much more difficult in cricket. The ball is ‘pitched’ much faster, there are endless ways to make the ball move in the air or off the pitch so even hitting it is a task, let alone getting it far enough away to attempt a run. There’s a couple of ways to deliver the ball that are designed purely to severely injure the batsman – either by concussing him, or breaking his toes. Yes, really.
The ‘safe zones’ are the stumps, the three vertical wooden sticks behind the batsman. The bowler (pitcher) and the fielders need to try and hit those to get the batsman out. The bowler can do it before or after the batsman hits the ball and it’s out, the fielders can only do it after the ball’s hit and the batsman has started to run, when he’s out of the safe zone (a white line on the pitch demarcates this zone). There are other ways for a batsman to get out – if a fielder catches a hit ball before it touches the ground, the batsman’s out.
It’s also not always played in white. I’m a purist, so I love the white-clothes, 5-day-long version best, but the shorter form is more fast and furious and they wear country colours then.
Of course – the best way to appreciate any new sport is….YOUTUBE MONTAGE!
And here’s another one, ’cause why not.
I was born with footty wickets. Had to wear special shoes when I was a kid.
From what I could gather from my vast* experience watching cricket, it consists mainly of guys standing around while one guy flings a little ball at another guy and tries to knock over a little gate-looking thing. The first guy has what looks like I imagine a clue by four would look like, but nicer. He sometimes hits the ball and then there is a lot of running back and forth and other things happen, not real sure what.
*About ten minutes lifetime total viewing time, plus whatever bits are in the Hitchiker books.
LurkRealClose:
I just wrote a long /corey-style dissertation on cricket for Andie, but it’s awaiting moderation 🙁
On a less technical note, if you want to understand one of the secondary reasons for my love of cricket, do a Google image search for ‘Daniel Vettori’, ‘Shane Bond’, ‘Kumar Sangakkara’, or ‘Stephen Fleming.’
I’ll wait…
: Exceptionally long Google break:
I am beginning to see some of the appeal of this incomprehensible sport.
That was so much better than epididymis.
Oh. Oh, yes, I see. Cricket: Not just for foreigners anymore.
*goes back to google images*
Mmmmm. Tasty.
I could learn to like cricket. A lot.
I’m looking forward to your dissertation on cricket, Reina, especially if there are visual aids.
Do they ever play shirts versus skins?
‘Cause I would totally watch that.
On a big screen TV and in high def.
The New Zealanders, for some reason, tend to be particularly…visually appealing. (See also: Kyle Mills, Darryl Tuffey, Brendon McCullum, Jacob Oram.) It’s not the reason they’re my favourites, but it certainly doesn’t hurt their case.
I’d watch it if they played Pants vs. Skins.
Yeah, but something tells me that after pants vs. skins game they’d only be interested in playing something like Pictionary.
Floppita! Floppita! Floppita! GOAL!!!
Reina, why do you get those guys and we get Troy Polamalu and this guy?
It’d be all fun and games until someone tore their suspensory ligament.
…or their wicket stumper forcefully removed.
sarajean,
They regrettably do not play without a full uniform, but here’s some substitutes of sorts for you (don’t worry, totally SFW).
in Sri Lanka
And, really, no one actually knows the real rules to Cricket. They all just go along with the people who were at the garden party already. They’re really only there for the orange segments between Overs (I’m reliably told–Aussie-Rules Footballer tol’ me–they’re called “overs” from the announcement that snack time is finished).
It’s funny to me that people still think of cricket as a slow-paced, polite, genteel sport. It hasn’t been for a looong time. Especially not in the shorter versions of the game, especially not when any of the subcontinental teams are playing. Or Australia.
@ Reina – but the long-form versions are the best! You sit in the sun all day, drinking beer, occasionally chanting, trying to distract whatever poor fielder is down your end of the pitch, sledging the opposition with wilful abandon, and perving at Cap’n Hotpants. I mean, Daniel Vettori. And it lasts for FIVE DAYS! Well, actually three to four if we’re playing anyone halfway decent.
ETA: AH! Plus, the IPL has turned Twenty20 into even more of a laughing stock than it already was. Cheerleaders? REALLY?
Oh and just to bring us firmly back into the gutter (ahem), the best cricket radio commentary ever, alleged to be a true story, occured when a commentator was describing the following setup:
[There is a batsman on the pitch. His name is Peter Willey, of England. He is going to try to hit the ball that the bowler throws at him. The bowler’s name is Michael Holding, from Jamaica.]
Commentator: “Lining up for the new over here at the Oval, the bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey”.
Oh, yeah… I’ve definitely been missing a helluva sport in this cricket. We Yanks are just now learning what we’ve been missing with soccer (football) all this time, now it seems we need to get with it and discover cricket.
(And can we just all agree -no matter what country we’re in- there has never been, is not now, and will never be a reason to watch golf? No tasty boys (Tiger Woods? EEEEEWWWW), no action whatsoever, and no chanting. In fact, they tell you to BE QUIET. WTF? This is not a sport. A sport must involve Astro and his band, and chanting, and above all, beer.)
Oooooohhh!
And here all this time I was thinking it was the thing with the guy at that place, you know?
You know…the one where he does the thing with that stuff and whatnot?
Oh, it’s reaaaaaaalllyy funny, too, when his assistant gets up and she..well…she says this stuff…and…
:dissolves into fits of giggles…recovers and continues:
You have to have seen it, haven’t you? Or at least heard of it?
Right?
Well, anyway…go see it when you get a chance…maybe you can score some tickets on CL…I hear they’re about $60 a piece, but you have to collect all four* in order to get in.
It’s worth it, though…that guy..he is soooooo funny….
*void where prohibited, not valid in the contiguous forty-eight states, your mileage may vary, closed course, professional driver do not attempt, may cause rashes in very strange places, do not drive or operate heavy machinery, wait thirty minutes before swimming, call your mother, clean your room, do not touch the red button, do not enter, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.
Is that Lindsay Lohan’s synopsis of her next movie?
*spoiler alert*
mudsy…that’s pretty much the synopsis for everyone’s next movie..and the one after that…and the one after that…
Oh yeah. Silly me CJ. Jennifer Aniston and Kate Hudson tweeted me and and told me the same thing.
No. There is nothing funny or even very good about Lindsay Lohan’s most recent movie
***spoiler alert***
It was along the lines of Grindhouse, only worse. I wanted my hour & forty minutes back…
Bd: is that the one where she played the
SingingShooting Nun?That’d be the one Mudsy. Absolutely encrapular…
I watched it because of the all star cast, but even the gratuitous nekkid scenes didn’t make it worth the time lost. And no, I didn’t know those were coming.. err… well, you know what I mean…
Is that the one based on the fake trailer from Grindhouse?
Yes, yes it is. The fake trailer from Grindhouse: Planet Terror.
Don’t worry Miss Nomer, I’m a huge basketball fan and I’ve already outed myself as an awful speeler. I take no offense, nor any offence either. 😉
A ticket for an aeroplane? A ticket to ride? A golden ticket? A one way ticket? A ticket to the moon? Does Sparky gotta get a meal ticket?
Yeah, Gail, that’s the ticket!
Brontè’s Wuthering Heights in Cessna and Piper Cub?
I’ve got a golden ticket
I’ve got you under my skin.
Is there an ointment I can get for that?
Depends on which “you” you’re referring to… Me, for example? I’m ointment proof. Gotta use fire…
“Fire in the hole!!”
Wait, what?
Yes, but do you have a golden lotus?
I have a ticket for a golden lotus.
Wait… small print… If you are shorter than the line, you cannot ride.
Alright, where’s the line…?
Gone, gone, gone! Ain’t seen it in days.
OT: Anybody change their avatar pic and then have a hard time picking out your posts because you forgot what it looked like?
What?
No, just me?
Oh. Well, carry on then….
That’s why I never change it. But I have a hard time picking out other people when they change and I get all confused.
Good thing yours has a fancy frame around it. I think Cappy changes his on a daily basis.
Hehe…
Only when my mood strikes (or when I’ve been to the thing, and it moved me, after the performance, y’know?)
I’ve heard coffee slices are helpful for getting moved.
I know that thing!
It happens to me some mornings after the weather turns suddenly and I can’t find my favorite round things that I normally keep up on that flat surface in the back of that place. But then, all is okay again after I’ve eaten that hot stuff with a glass of that wet stuff.
And then you-know-who calls me and before I know it, I’m down with my snuggly and watching that show that always makes what’s-her-name laugh and laugh until I have to jot my experiences down in that book I always write in.
And that, my droogs, is when it comes to me to change that thing on that website.
Astro made it for me. 😀
Astro made your avatar for you, LRC? Hey! I want him to make me one! I want to be Tankerbell from the other day. (Remember Toilet Tink?)
Tinklebell?
I’ve thought about changing my avatar, but I’m kind of in love with it, so I probably won’t.
I am in love with your avatar, too, Laurel. Don’t change it.
Thirdeded! I heart the tutu-bedecked Dalek also!!
I could doodle you a quick tank with fairy wings…. if you want…
Laurel, it’s really your avatar that got me commenting. I knew that a group that accepted a ballerina Dalek wouldn’t mind my particular brand of insanity too much.
Just so you know.
Silva, that would be awesome!
one tankerbell, made to order
http://img571.imageshack.us/img571/685/tankerbell.jpg
(if someone is viewing this from the future, months or years from now, the link will be expired)
Well done.
Andie: I’ve always been a robot moose (well, since I stopped being a green quilt square) but Astro added the poncho and the fancy frame.
Silvia: That’s adorable, I love it.
:much applause:
That’s why I stick to pictures of my kids.
And me, my giant-headed dog.
That’s cheating kelli!
Besides, I don’t think using pics of your kids would help me much.
Plus it would confuse me.*
*more than my normal confusion
I’d change my avatar, but then all the jokes in the archives about my unblubler wouldn’t make any sense
I’m with you, mudsy. I got confuzzled easily when things are moved around or changed until such time as they become the norm. I have told Mr. Eyebrows repeatedly never to shave off his goatee.
Oh! I hear ya sista’! I told Mr. Slicker he better never shave off his beard. I wouldn’t recognize him.
Thank goodness he does his own laundry. I can pick out his pink FTLs in a crowd with my eyes closed.
I don’t know where YOU hang out, but to me there’s something strange about being able to see his FTLs in a crowd..
I try not to hang out there too often.
😉
Unless Mr. Slicker walks around with his pants on the ground…
I would assume it’s for the Vikings… I live in Pittsburgh and if you listed tickets with no other explanation in the fall, it would be assumed to be Steeler tickets.
Oh Anon, implementing logic with CL might leave one sorely disappointed.
They could be Twins tickets. They’re finally in the playoffs again.
Or now that the edit timed out, Wild tickets, St. Paul Saints tickets, we don’t know when this was posted. I do know they aren’t for the Minnesota Moose, they left the state while I was there.
“Minnesota Moose” as a team name makes me irrationally angry. I want a rule saying you can only have proper plural nouns in your nomenclature, please. “Minnesota Meese” would be much, much better.
Easy there, Xena… You couldn’t do that anyway, people would flock to the rink expecting to see an overweight Reagan-era legislator playing hockey and would be sorely disappointed. They might even write strongly worded letters to the editor of the “Pioneer Press”.
Xena? But I’m blonde! Oh, you mean Xena as in the Greek prefix meaning foreign. I guess that’s fair.
You notice Jen didn’t have any issue with the ass-kicking, sword-toting, leather-clad stuff. It was only the hair color you got wrong.
It’s sort of a generic “Calm down” that I use on girls of all ages when they show signs of getting out of hand. Most feel complimented by my comparison of them to the warrior princess. Odd.
Oh, and Greek how much?
I like it! I shall henceforth appropriate it as my own. 🙂 And ‘course we like it – Xena kicks arse and is cute to boot, with shiny hair which never strays out of place! Girly win!
I’m not Greek at all, very boring Anglo-Irish, but I am foreign (at least compared to all regulars I’m aware of). All I meant was xena is a Greek prefix, as in xenophobic, which is the fear of leather-clad warrior babes from Nu Zild / Classical Times.
Could be Prince tickets, though I doubt it, $60 for His Purple Highness seems a bit low, even for the home crowd.
Oh, and Smedley, some young ladies, especially tall ones with dark hair and a name ending in “eena”, are very much not complimented when compared to a certain Amazon princess.
To appropriate a word, I’m confuzzled then. How is it not a compliment?
She is athletic, h-h-hot, and would have your back in a bar fight.
What’s not to like? Tall women are the new asian girl.
Guys? How deep is this hole I’m digging?
Smedley,
Love ya’, babe.
Put. Down. The. Shovel.
Very well. Noted.
Meh, I liked her better in BSG. Something about obviously fake dark hair with blue eyes just annoys me.
As for the comment about tall girls being the new Asian, I find that funny. I’ve been called “that tall Asian girl” before and I am very much not Asian. I have Italian-Asian cousins (we share the Italian link) and aside from the fact that I’m a foot taller than the lot, we only share dark hair in common.
I will try to keep my Cro-Magnon tendencies to myself from here on out. I had visions of you and Reina plotting my demise. And not in a good way.
I think Reina might be busy plotting something else, involving cricket players and jello. Me, I plod more than I plot, so your safe, unless you get in the way of my plodding, I’m not only a giant, but a klutzy one at that.
I’m just wondering if Sparky has seen the first ad and is doing a Naked Call by creating the second. Could Sparky be both that dumb and brilliant at the same time?
I’ll go out on a limb here. Uh, no.
It could work — take an ad that is so obviously badly written that whatever is for sale will never be purchased, create a second ad that accurately describes the item but raise the price, and if it sells… Arbitrage! Capitalism at its purest!
So on the flip side of that, I could take the three or four well written ads from my local CL, replace the descriptions with things like French Prudential and ottam, thus upping the likelyhood that they will be seen, jack up the price and bank?
We do that on a daily basis here.
More like, CatMath at its purest!
Ya just gotta love it!!! Free enterprise, no IQ test required!
Ninety percent of the bad ads could be eliminated if CraigsList instituted two simple steps;
1 – Mandatory spellcheck and grammar checking
2 – A mandatory pre-posting math test (not multiple choice)
That’s all it would take for CraigsList to lose it’s seedy-flea-market-on-the-edge-of-the-internet reputation, but then what would I do all day?
Work?
Bwa-ha-ha, Sarajean, you jokester, you.
Edit: Determine for yourselves whether I meant the joke was implementing Quality Control on CL, or working instead of hanging out in the Snark Lounge.
I’m guessing it’s a little from Column A and a little from Column B.
Free Enterprise?! I want a free Enterprise! Preferable with a British captain and an adorable android on the bridge.
*preferably**
**I blame the keyboard.
I want the holodeck and a transporter. You can keep the rest 😉
(TNG was the only Star Trek I watched/liked)
You can have the British guy (I suppose) if I can have either Hawk or Sam Beckett.
I thought I was the only one who called him Hawk. Our age is showing, LRC.
christina: I met him at Dragon*Con this past Labor Day weekend, and he was awesome. I remembered not to call him Hawk.
*tucks her age back in, so it’s no longer showing*
Reina, where are you? I know you were in the Gulf Region for the turtle-viewing, but where are you now?
Getting her Lotus painted?
Someone stop me. Please?
Dude… The man card only gets ya so much backup…
*backs away slowly*
Andie,
I’m in Dubai.
Smedley:
I’m not saying I wouldn’t consider it for special occasions, but it’s not an everyday thing.
It’s an event for psychics! If you don’t know what the event is, you’re not invited.
Ooh, yeah! Or perhaps it is an event for detectives, and you have to figure out when and where it is.
Meh*
*That is all
Ppppbbbbbtttt!!
*I miss this place… 🙁 Next week!!*
You are missed as well! Upgrade the phone and snark on the sly like I do.
Working on that. 🙂 Plus.. having surgery on Wednesday.. and will be in the hospital for a couple days.. so it’s as soon as I get back to a computer and can sit up… it’s on like… Donkey Kong?
I don’t know, all that jumping and ladder climbing right after surgery probably isn’t a good idea. How about PacMan? Run around popping pills, chasing ghostly apparitions and still remembers to eat his fruits and veggies.
I have pac-man on my phone. 🙂
Weirdly enough, the phone version is the first one I’ve been able to make it past level 2 despite me playing it since I was 3 (ah, standing on a chair popping quarters into an arcade machine at a local sandwich place… memories…)
*rubs cranky puppy’s belly*
Hey, HamCan, are you bored? Silva gave me a tank. Wanna trade live fire? I’ll shoot tank ordnance at you in your orbiting cave of technological wonders, and you can shoot lasers at me.
Pew! Pew! Pew!
Re-aims blue water outlet valve at Tankerbell.
Now you are Stinkerbell.
Meh!
Look at MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Silva, I LOVE it!
Is that a cannon in your pocket, or are you happy to be seen?
Yes. : )
Yay 😀
Bew tee fell!
Awesome! And multi-meme-functional! When you get tired of being Tankerbell you can tell everyone the wings are a rose turangula on a tank.
Ugh. Pew pew pew indeed.
**loading Richard Simmons into large, annoying shell**
BLAM!
Ok, I’ll try to redeem myself. Anybody have a Cingular Go phone? I had to use an AT&T Go phone recently and accidentally picked up a Cingular Go phone minutes card. The place where I got it will not refund or exchange. Actual free minutes, folks. I realize this is pretty late at night, so I will post it on here again in the morning.
You do realize that AT&T and Cingular are both the same company now…?
Yes, but their Go phones and cards are not compatible.
Weird. I didn’t realize they made Cingular anything anymore.
Reina, you got the Golden Lotus Punch today! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Bangladesh!