YSaC, Vol. 831: Dumps like a truck, truck, truck.

2010 October 26

Let’s see if everyone can figure out the problem with this ad:

18 Wheel Dumb Truck Driver


Experienced Semi Dumb Truck Drivers only! Must have knowledge of local quarries and landfills.
2 years dumb truck driving minimum required. Will work through winter! Immediate position available!!
Call xxx-xxx-xxxx. .

So what’s wrong with this? I’ll tell you what: this is clearly discriminatory against intelligent truck drivers! Actually, if Impending Disaster Earth Moving Co. is only willing to hire semi dumb truck drivers, that’s discriminatory against intelligent truck drivers, semi intelligent truck drivers, AND really dumb truck drivers. They’re eliminating three-quarters of their potential applicant pool right there.

Thanks for the ad, Mike!

175 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 October 26
    LadyHavoc permalink

    I wonder if Sparky is the one who owns the quarry and trucks. (Of course, he probably calls it the “query”.) This suprises me, because dump trucks usually have the type of truck on the owner’s manual in great big letters.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 26
      Addicted Reader permalink

      But that would require being able to read. Of course Sparky can’t read, he can just bang on the keyboard and hope that his message is clear enough.

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 26

      I talked to someone recently who gave their address a Quarry Rd, pronounced Quay-ry. I thought it might be one of those weird regional pronounciations, but everyone else says it correctly.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 26
      NotMyName permalink

      It has taken me four hours to realise that dumb = dump. Then again, I haven’t been thinking about it too much. I guess both Sparky* and I are kind of dump-asses.

      *Sparky more so, of course.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 26
        kelli permalink

        NMN, I’m sure your ass is not a dump. I’m sure it’s quite lovely and firm. You are over 18, right? Really don’t want to talk to that Chris fellow again.

        Adores: 13
      • 2010 October 26
        Stephanae permalink

        I don’t want to speculate too hard about possible meanings of “dump-ass.” I think I’ve mentioned before that I have an aversion to scatological topics. If I’m not careful, I’ll be carrying that Tub Girl image in my head again all day.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          NotMyName permalink

          If dumb = dump, then if we convert the Commutative Property of algebra into english, where “if a = b, then b = a,” then dump = dumb. Thus, by saying Sparky (and myself) are dump-asses, I’m saying that Sparky(and yet again, myself), are dumb-asses. Capiche*?

          *Not sure if that’s spelled correctly.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 26
          kelli permalink

          English should be capitalized. Also Sparky = dumbass; NMN = slow today (happens to the best of us) NMN =/= dumbass

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          if NMN != dumbass return True;

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 26
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          if NMN != dumbass return True;

          You forgot the last part

          if NMN != dumbass return True;

          else if NMN != dumpass return True;

          NMN – have a little faith in yourself. We wouldn’t put up with your comments long if you were either (see Condorman, or whatever his name was).

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          Dumpass = Charmin to the rescue!

          What? I had a good nap.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 October 26
          CoffDrop permalink

          Stephanae: Ah, Tub Girl! Did you know that she was a Gong Show reject? Those were the days…..

          Gong Show

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          Such sweet girls, CoffDrop! I never would have recognized Tub Girl, though. Then again, I can’t really remember her face. I can’t believe I used to watch the Gong Show as a small child! I didn’t remember how smutty it was. But since I was so little, I probably saw that routine and it just made me want a popsicle.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          CoffDrop permalink

          I never would have recognized Tub Girl, though. Then again, I can’t really remember her face.

          Muy gracioso – Stephanae

          In all seriousness, all you youngsters should google (youtube too) the Gong Show and Chuck Barris (Was he CIA?)…..

          PS: Do not google tube girl – No, No, No……..

          Adores: 4
  2. 2010 October 26

    I prefer smart trucks.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 October 26

      They’re great for fitting into small parking spaces, but only have the hauling capacity for dollhouse renovations.

      Adores: 11
  3. 2010 October 26

    I’m having trouble formulating a response to this ad. Maybe I should just apply to it instead.

    Adores: 8
  4. 2010 October 26
    LimeLolly permalink

    A little Johnny Cash please….

    You load 18 wheels and what do you get? Another day older and dumber than dirt ….

    *leaving the rest for those more gifted than I*

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 October 26

      Pssst, LL, love the ad-apropos version but that would be Tennessee Ernie Ford.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 26
        LimeLolly permalink

        I always hear Johnny Cash’s voice… it’s a gift.

        Plus, it’s usually not the right words, .. another gift! It’s like free-gift Tuesday… let’s share.

        Oh.. lest I forget.. pppbbbtttt.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          I would share, but all my gifts belong to the company store.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 October 26

          Ahh, my day is made. I’ve been pppbbbttt’d by LL. Tis a high honor, indeed. πŸ™‚ We are big fans of the man in black as well as the ol’ pea-picker.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          I think Merle Travis might be owed some due, too.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          It’s close to All Hallows Eve, maybe we can have sing-off between Johnny and Ernie?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          They’re always invited to my Samhain circle.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 October 26

          Way to make it all spiritual and nice, Stephanae. πŸ™‚
          I was thinking more of a zombie review. Though I’m guessing the zombie versions would have to ‘lip sing’ lest we endure several renditions of, “Rir gir arr, rah rah rur rah, rar grr ar rar rar ar rur rur har!”

          Adores: 15
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          Oscar Mike Golf, Christina! A Brazillion doors to you!

          Adores: 4
  5. 2010 October 26
    sarajean80 permalink

    I…

    It’s…

    Ummm…

    You know, I think I lost a few IQ points just reading this. If I read it another three or four times I’ll probably qualify for the job.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 October 26

      I can’t wait for Mudsy to show up! She said she’d tell us about the rabbits right before our trucking shift.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 October 26
        mudslicker permalink

        Hehe… gather round children….

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 26

          *Plops down a bag of freshly picked round children at Mudsy’s feet*

          There you go nice lady. Now it’s story time! Yaay!

          Adores: 17
        • 2010 October 26
          mudslicker permalink

          This ad has sucked the snark right out of me.

          Should I make a Peterbilt joke?

          What’s The Difference Between A Peterbilt & A Porcupine?
          The prick is on the outside on a porcupine

          Thanks for coming! Now finish your popcorn kids, and toddle along to Uncle Taco’s study.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 26

          Ah yes, harvest the round young virgins in late October and they’ll be tender and mild by December.

          *Upgrades to an aisle seat in the handbasket.*

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 October 26
          Tankerbell permalink

          Steinbeck reference FTW!
          I’ve always been partial to the Joads myself. Although they were not dumb, they did have a truck. And they need the work. I’m afraid, though, that Sparky specifically asked for “dumb” truck drivers right in the title of his ad, so Lennie it is. Hope Sparquois is prepared to hire George, too, because they’re gonna have more than dirt to dump.

          Adores: 3
  6. 2010 October 26
    Mindfield permalink

    I’ve seen one of these. It has four gears: Reverse, first, second, and hurrrrrrd. The asymmetrical grille also sticks out at a 30-degree angle out front.

    Adores: 7
  7. 2010 October 26

    Oh good grief! As if there weren’t enough reality series on television involving dumb truck drivers, they’re now recruiting on craigslist!

    Producer – Hey, people really seem to like this dumb truck driver thing we got going on here. Maybe we could expand it and move it to an urban setting. We could hire a bunch of dumb truck drivers and then follow them around as they break all manner of traffic laws, shout expletives out their windows at no one in particular, and in general act..you know, dumb.

    Moneyperson – Did you say hooters?

    Producer – Erm….yeah, we’ll include owls.

    Moneyperson – So long as there’s hooters involved, we gotcher back.

    Producer – Awesome, dude.

    Up next, on History, “Dumb Truck Drivers – Urban Dirt”.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 October 26

      “You gotta be a special type of person to-”

      *HOOOOOOOOOOONK* “Get off the road jackass! That light was only red for 10 seconds, why they hell did you stop?!”

      “Anyway, the driving conditions as a short haul trucker are really-”

      *HOOOOOOOOONK HOOONK* “Why are you stopping at that red hexagonal sign?! And what’s that blinking yellow light all about?! JUST GO!”

      “As I was saying, the pressure out here is-” *SKREEEEEEEEEEE CRASH*

      “Damnit, not again. Now pa is gonna lock me under the stairs for sure.”

      Adores: 12
    • 2010 October 26
      NotMyName permalink

      So…the people on Ice Road Truckers seem dumb to you, C.J.?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 26
        NotMyName permalink

        Hey, wait, my dad worked for Swift! Watch who you’re calling dumb, people!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          NMN — deep breathe…. say it with me……pppbbbttt .

          There. Feel better?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26

          Taco…the polar bear…OMG…he’s the worst……and now I feel dirty cuz I’v outed myself.

          *hangs head in shame because yes, she has watched IRT a few times*

          On the other hand Alex, the goofy Polish fellow, is a delight.

          I’ve seen American Pickers and let me tell you if I was the little guy I think I’d lock Mr. Smug-Ass-Skinny-Dude inside one of those dusty old sheds until he promised to never speak again. Ever.

          Edit: Weird comment placement occurrance…should be down there below Taco’s.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 26

        NMN…let’s just say some of them I am, quite sure, couldn’t find their arse with both hands.

        As for your father, I’m certain he is a man of intellect and wit. He did, after all, produce you, didn’t he? πŸ™‚

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 October 26

          To be fair, those “some” (I’m pretty sure I know of which two you primarily speak of) are not just dumb. They’re also rather arrogant and self-righteous. Mixing those three things tends to augment the distaste I have for them.

          And it isn’t the trucking that made them that way. I’m sure whatever vocation they would end up working at, they would end up doing something that required them to spend a lot of time alone and away from others.

          However, I find the lesser members of Ice Truckers a delight in comparison to those American Picker guys. They have an unctuous aura that reaches out of the TV and dirties me to the core. I have to shower even if I see a commercial.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          Taco, you’re making me feel very grateful that the only bit of information I can understand in this conversation is that you’re talking about some TV show I’ve never heard of.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26

          One of the many things I learned on my business trip was that I’m immensely glad that I don’t have cable at home. Not only is cable now filled with worthless shows that don’t deserve to be watched, but these shows have a weird mesmerizing effect that forces you to continue watching in spite of the fact that you feel disgusted with the program and yourself for your continued viewing.

          After about an hour of watching cable TV I was in a weird kind of self loathing spiral where my newly crushed self esteem forced me to watch more shows that crushed my self esteem by their viewing. I returned home a shadow of the man who left. I had to apply generous amounts of Mystery Science Theater in order to resuscitate my nearly destroyed sense of self worth.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 October 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m seriously considering joining your boycott on Animal Planet, Taco. I was flipping through the channels and found something that made me want to cry – Animal Planet has it’s own version of Punk’d. (The basic premise is; get gullible idiot in isolated area, pretend idiot is being attacked by mythical creature, film results.) And if that wasn’t bad enough, the show after that little gem was an episode of Lost Tapes. Featuring zombies. On Animal Planet. At that point I just turned the TV off before my eyeballs started bleeding.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Besides, the Jersey Shore crew, in my opinion the closest personification of Sparky-esque wittitude on TV is that Chumley character from Pawn Stars.

          Since when did the History Channel decide it was just fine and dandy to go down that oh-so-wrong path and host shows such as Icy Frozen Bay Dumb Truckers, Ax Murderers, Nose Pickers, Swamp Creatures, and now that new show American Resuscitation? Was every other show about Hitler not good enough?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          My 13-year-old daughter loves Jersey Shore. I’m very worried. She really dreads having me walk in the room while she’s watching it, though, because I can never refrain from commenting on what pitiful excuses for human beings they all are.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 26

          American Pickers and Hoarders are really the same show…. the only difference is that American Pickers has two unlikable guys willing to pay up to a thousand dollars for the rusty crap piled up in the yards/sheds/houses of the hoarders.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Apparently today I, enjoy just, throwing commas, in whenever the, mood suits me. I’m having a, dumb truck, moment.

          My offspring and her boyfriend enjoy Jersey Shore as well—more of like in an “Ooh, lets go watch the train wreck!” sort of way. Since they don’t have cable, they wait to download it every week. The sad part about it is she grew up down there—spent many a summer night on the Seaside boardwalk—so I like to think she watches it for the familiar places more-so than for the Natural Selection Tightrope those idiots walk on a daily basis. Kids these days!

          πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26

          Seriously…we humans have been around for what, millions of years? And we can’t possibly expand on the archaeological finds, written histories, video and audio archives, books, et al enough to fill 20 hrs. of programming a day? The other four hours are, of course, filled with infomercials where I can watch waxen faded “rock” stars pitch volumes of music that was awful then and has not (no thank you verrrry much I’ll just keep my $19.99) improved with time.

          Sigh…feel better now.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 26
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Ya’ll should read more.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 26
          Tankerbell permalink

          I am willing to stipulate to your positions vis-a-vis Ice Road Truckers on the condition that you agree that The Deadliest Catch is cool. I don’t think we have to discuss Jersey Shore because I think there is a pattern jury instruction that says that show is, a priori, spawn of Slaptimus.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 October 26

          *chortle..snort..guffaw*

          You said, “Slaptimus”, Tanker!!

          And…agreed…lurv them crab-fishin’ boys…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26
          Lola permalink

          *darts eyes around nervously*

          I … don’t have TV.

          I have a TV, which works, but it was such a PITA to get cable or dish when I moved that I decided to forego it, and then Netflix + shows streamed online just seemed the cheapest way to go.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26

          I don’t either, Lola. We tossed our dinosaur this past spring and haven’t looked back. We may buy one if this basketball season starts looking interesting, but cable isn’t something I really want to pay for again. If I want to know what’s going on in the world of reality tv I’ll just download the newest South Park eisode.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26
          Tankerbell permalink

          I didn’t have TV for about 7 years, but then I moved in with Mr. Tank and the Tanklet, who would not be without it. It was funny – they would make fun of me because, after 7 years, some commercials were really amazing to me. That was weird to them because they had seen them all a million times.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 27
          Moira permalink

          We have a rather nice LCD TV for watching DVDs of things that aren’t horrible — most of which were filmed more than two decades ago. I refuse to get cable. Even if we upgrade from DSL to cable broadband, I refuse to get cable.

          I refuse.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 26
        Karmyn permalink

        I must say I hate the trend on the History Channel. I hate Pawn Stars and American Pickers. My parents love those shows. Dad watches it all day Monday if he’s home. Drives me crazy.
        If you want some seriously stupid tv, just watch some of the spanish language channels. Horrible stuff. But Dad loves watching Jose Luis even if he doesn’t understand enough Spanish for it to make sense. But then it is a Jerry Springer knockoff and you don’t have to understand the language to spot a skank.

        Adores: 2
  8. 2010 October 26
    Lola permalink

    This isn’t very specific. All trucks are dumb in the sense that they are mute and cannot talk. Now, if they wanted a driver for a talking truck, I could see where that might require some skill. Would it be like a backseat driver and tell the driver they were going the wrong way? Would it shout at other vehicles? Would it slow down to talk to other vehicles and make the driver late?

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 October 26

      Watch the documentary “Cars.” It’ll answer all those questions

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 October 26
        Lola permalink

        I was afraid that was your answer …

        Adores: 9
      • 2010 October 26
        mudslicker permalink

        Cars was not a documentary. They were a new wave rock band —and just what I needed.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 26
          Lola permalink

          Not to mention moving in stereo – uh oh, it’s magic!

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 26
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Perhaps this The Hoff’s new gig, since the whole talking car thing really did wonders for him…

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 October 26

      What about Herbie the love truck?

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 26
      PrincessLuceval permalink

      *All trucks are dumb in the sense that they are mute and cannot talk.*

      So….do they know (stop)sign language?

      Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 26
      Stephanae permalink

      If, on the other hand, it’s the driver they want to be dumb, in the sense of mute, I can’t say that I really blame them.

      Of course, by that reading, they might also want a driver with 18 wheels. I’ve never met a person with wheels, but thinking about it is causing me to make plans for my first cyborg implants.

      Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 26
      LimeLolly permalink

      Have you seen the commercials for the ‘Chuck the talking dump truck’ and all his friends?

      Talk about creepy..

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 26
      NotMyName permalink

      Where’s KITT when you need him it?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 26
        kelli permalink

        KITT is picking up hamburgers.

        Adores: 7
    • 2010 October 26

      Well, if the truck acted like a backseat driver, there’d be no need for a GPS. Unless the truck didn’t know where it was going either.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 October 26

      This has “goofy early sixties Disney movie” written all over it.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 26
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Dumb and Dumper?

        Adores: 6
      • 2010 October 26
        Lola permalink

        I was actually thinking more along the lines of “My Mother the Car.” That’s a weird premise for a show.
        *looks at descriptions of current cable TV fare*
        Or … maybe not?

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26

          That’s what I thought too. Or something where Fred McMurray becomes a car.

          Adores: 2
  9. 2010 October 26

    It’s like today is stupid truck driver day or something:

    http://notalwaysright.com/articulated-truck-drivers-arent-articulate/7882

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      That seems more like an enjoying-recreational-chemicals truck driver than a dumb truck driver. Could be both, though.

      Adores: 3
  10. 2010 October 26
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Are they looking for dumb drivers for trucks? Or drivers for dumb trucks? Does it really make a difference?

    Adores: 6
  11. 2010 October 26
    LimeLolly permalink

    I figured out what’s wrong with the ad. It needs more ‘p’.

    Uh oh… wait, not on the tree! Don’t you realize everyone driving by can see you? Turn around or something.

    Adores: 12
  12. 2010 October 26
    sarajean80 permalink

    “Greetings, prospective wage slaves! Now, to ensure that only the … most qualified drivers are hired, I’m going to give you a simple test.

    Question one – What color is the sky? Yes, Bubba; I know there’s a window right behind me, I want you to write the answer down. No, you can’t look at Jimmy’s answer. No, “Cloudy” is not a color. Don’t carve the answer into the desk! Use the paper I gave you when you walked in here. Well, next time just put your chewing gum in the trash can! Here’s a fresh sheet. Wait – Where’s your pencil? The pencil I gave you … You stuck it in your ear? I don’t see anything … It went in how far? Why would you … Yes, I’m sure thinking does make your brain itch, but… You know what, Bubba? You’re hired.”

    Adores: 14
    • 2010 October 26
      Lola permalink

      Sounds like Grampdaddy’s description of his class, only they are smarter and better toilet-trained (the kids, that is).

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 26
        Grampdaddy permalink

        ‘Tis true, with a few minor revisions. Most of the future wage-slaves I have the privilege of working with can:

        1) Add, using all the digits (0-9) plus 10.

        2) Subtract (most from 10, some from 15 or 16).

        3) Create number bonds

        4) Produce ‘Fact-Families’

        5) Color within the lines

        6) Celebrate losing a tooth

        7) Are firm believers in the “5-, 10-, 30-second, or 6 months rule”. If it is on the floor but is still recognizable as something that may have been food, it is edible if you can get it unstuck.

        8) Are willing to share with others. (See #7).

        Adores: 9
  13. 2010 October 26
    Lola permalink

    Hey, maybe this ad was placed by the owner’s disgruntled wife/girlfriend/office assistant/a combination of the previous who has had it with the troglodytes he’s been hiring. She decided to go for truth in advertising, and did it on purpose, knowing that Sparky wouldn’t notice.

    Adores: 3
  14. 2010 October 26
    Bavec permalink

    Oh, it says “SEMI dumb truck driver” Damn, I was this close to having a job..

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 26
      LimeLolly permalink

      Just as well, since the only benefits the job offered was a 15 minute recess and a band-aid.

      Adores: 7
  15. 2010 October 26
    drmk permalink

    And now I’m getting ads for truck driver school.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 October 26
      Stephanae permalink

      I’m sure that’s tempting, but I fear you’re not semi dumb enough to pass.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 October 26
      mudslicker permalink

      More Money.
      More Miles.
      More reasons to apply now.

      *and then there’s a picture of Timothy McVeigh for some reason*

      Adores: 8
    • 2010 October 26
      Bombdude permalink

      It’s the strangest thing, but day after day, no matter the subject, all I ever seem to see is ads for Kiva micro-financing. I never get anything relevant…

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 October 26
        tigprincess permalink

        Not just you, Bombdude, me too – although today I’m being invited to study for CFA online …. I would if I knew what it was and if I’d be interested in it and if it helped with obtaining a megabucks paying job… so many imponderables.

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 26

        Me too, Bombdude.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 26
        Stephanae permalink

        Mine switch between relevant and irrelevant. Today I have Solar Energy Charity, but yesterday I had floral arrangements.

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 October 26
        drmk permalink

        I tend to get the Kiva ad on the homepage, but a more targeted ad on the page for the post and the comments itself. I think that there’s such a tangle of topics on the home page that it doesn’t know what ad to serve and so defaults to the Kiva ad, but when the page is a single topic and people keep mentioning keywords (like “truck”) it has an easier time of figuring things out.

        I removed the political ads, by the way, so hopefully there will be fewer “NANCY PELOSI IS SATAN” ads popping up.

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 October 26
          Tankerbell permalink

          That screams for anagram fun if every anything did. Hammy?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 26

          We are sorry, Hammy isn’t in right now please leave a message after the beep*Sounds of Hammy strangling his boss*

          beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 26
        CapnMac permalink

        Mine is almost always the Kiva ad, at least within the comments page. Only on the home page do other ads generally appear. I usually notice this just as the new page opens.
        Dunno if that means anything.

        But, I’m sitting as a s’bucks waiting on Verizon to correct the DSL problem in my neigborhood (regular phone and fax works–just not dsl <le sigh>

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 26

          Did you say Starbucks?
          *Browses the “missed connections” to see what type of purses and cars the girls in Capn’s town are sporting.*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 27
          CapnMac permalink

          Not many purses, nor international customers–other than the professor from Venezuela (she had a knit bag for her computers, and a leather bag the size of a knapsack).
          Mostly just computer cases.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 27
        Moira permalink

        I’m getting truck driving on the front page and Kiva/Solar energy charity on the post+comments itself. AdSense likes to confuse me.

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 26
      Astrognash permalink

      The History Channel’s Newest Show:

      The Llama-Nun Trucker School

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 27
        sarajean80 permalink

        I was kinda picturing a Smokey and The Bandit reboot titled Llama-Nun* and The Ostrimu**.

        *Bees be upon her.
        **Him too.

        Adores: 1
  16. 2010 October 26

    OT: Hey CJ, we got a Texas-California series going. Hee-hee! I bet my Giants will beat your Rangers. *hug*

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 26

      OT: Archie! Dems fightin’ words ya know! πŸ˜‰ *hugsbackatcha*

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 26

        OT: I pick CJ’s team! They beat the Yankees for me. πŸ˜‰

        *hugstoall*

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 26
        CapnMac permalink

        Hugs are combative?
        The world is upside down, clearly.

        Besides, the Giants already beat the Cowboys like a drum.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26

          Pathetic wasn’t it, Capn? And now Tony-boy looks to be down and out for the count.

          I predict Wade’s name disappearing from the office door in 3….2….1…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26

          I know I should be rooting for the Rangers, but the underdog in me still wants to yell “Go Cubs!”
          (“Go Bills!” works for football. Sorry, Cowboys, Yankees and Lakers round out my trifecta of teams I can’t root for under any circumstance, even though all qualify as home teams for me.)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 27
          CapnMac permalink

          Hey, Wade will have a job (his agents/parasites will have done that before negotiating the contract).

          Now, it might be as a caddy, or maybe Distant-Jones-relatives-private-bathroom attendant, but, it will be a job.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 October 26
        MandaB permalink

        Christina, as a Cubs fan, I agree. Instead I will resort to hanging my head and muttering, “There’s always next year.” That’s what we Cubs fans do best.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 October 26

          My father predicts 2012 for the Bills, the Cubs, and the impending apocalyps brought on by these events.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 27

          CUBS FANS???? O.M.G.!! Raised in St. Louis, here, so you know what that means…..

          *opens closet in search of Cub-smiting paraphernalia…finding none, settles for long-forgotten box of chocolates, and thirty minutes later has totally forgotten what I was looking for in the first place*

          Adores: 2
  17. 2010 October 26
    kelli permalink

    I really want to think that this was done on purpose, that Sparky wanted his friend to get the job, but his boss insisted that he had to place an ad on CL, so Sparky placed that ad, but purposely replaced dump with dumb hoping it would insult all possible applicants so that Sparky’s friend would be the only one to apply and get the job and if the boss saw the ad on CL, Sparky could say it was an accident but Sparky was disappointed because instead of insulting the truck driver candidates and narrowing the field for his friend, the ad pulled in a record number of applicants.*

    *Yay, incredibly long run-on sentence!

    Adores: 14
    • 2010 October 26

      Wow kelli, you’re a “the dumb truck is half full” kinda girl aren’t you?

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 October 26
        kelli permalink

        [pessimist/optimist test ot] When asked if the glass is half empty or half full, I reply that the glass is completely full, the other half is full of air. I’m sure what that makes me (besides right). [/ot]

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 October 26

          I think you’ll find that it makes you pedantic.

          As it does me for finding it necessary to answer your rhetorical question then point out that the question was rhetorical.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 October 26
          kelli permalink

          I can’t believe I left out the word not again. For some reason, that is the word I forget to include most often.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          I think leaving out the word “not” in a pessimist/optimist test is very telling.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 26
          Moira permalink

          Oh, Kelli!
          I’ve been saying the same thing about glasses for years. *dances*

          Also, to the phrase “Shit happens” I add, “Sometimes it’s wonderful shit and sometimes it’s best used to fertilize next year’s flowers.” For those of you with the Flair app on FB, I did turn that into a button.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26
          kelli permalink

          Steph, it just means I know what that makes me, instead of not knowing which is what I had intended to say and what Taco answered despite my statement having the opposite of my intended meaning suggesting he mentally added the missing word converting the sentence back to its original intent and yes, today is National Run-on Sentence Day, thanks for asking.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 October 26
          Stephanae permalink

          I love run-on sentences and try to employ them whenever I can (and I especially like them when they include lots of parentheticals), but I didn’t know there was a National Run-On Sentence Day and now I wish I had a completely full glass of Champagne because that seems like something I really should celebrate, but I couldn’t drink the Champagne at work anyway, because the place I work now won’t let me, although I used to work at a place that always kept beer stocked in the break room refrigerators, but that was the only thing that was better about working there than here.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Fleas.
          Adam had ’em.

          *In honor of National Non-Run-On-Sentence Day

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26
          Windrose permalink

          Moira!!! *joins in the happy dance*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 October 26

          Moira! We missed you!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26
          Windrose permalink

          OT Half empty/half full: According to Terry Pratchett, some people would say, This isn’t my glass. My glass was bigger, and had more in it.*

          *I wish I could find the exact quote, but this is close. 8)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 October 26
          Astrognash permalink

          So this one time, at Band Camp, we were doing circle drill, which is where we all get in a circle and go back and forth incessantly, and it kills your shins, and we were really tired afterward, and my shins were on fire, and stretching them out just made it worse, and the worst part was I had run out of water, and so I had to wait, and by the times I’d gotten my water bottle full (but I had yet to drink any), it was time for more circle drill, and this time we also went left and did a three-point turn, and then went right, and then went forwards and back, then right, and a three-point turn, then left, then forward and back, continuously, until the next water break, which is when I finally got to drink some water, but then we learned more of our show, and then we went in for lunch and promptly decided that air conditioning was man’s greatest achievement, because we were hot and sweaty and the cool air felt good on our faces, but it wasn’t enough, so I stuck my head in my lunchbox and looked like a fool, but it was okay because this was band, and I was with friends, and then we had sectionals, and Damon told us a story about glowing green salsa burning a hole through a girl’s stomach.

          Whew. I’m a little out of breath. Figuratively, of course. Happy Run-On Sentence Day!

          Adores: 3
  18. 2010 October 26
    tigprincess permalink

    perhaps Sparky meant deaf? ‘cos working in a quarry is soooo noisy they’d not be able to sue him for employee compensation ‘cos they started off without being able to hear?
    or am I crediting Sparky with too many functionning brain cells?

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 October 26
      CapnMac permalink

      Nope, “hearing” is a different disability.
      That, and the loudest noise at most quarries is the sound of the machinery (it’s the exposure time, more than the peak level, of sounds, that causes the most hearing damage).

      Adores: 1
  19. 2010 October 26
    Mindfield permalink

    You know, it occurred to me that this is a bit of a coincidence, as one of today’s “Not Always Right” entries features a guy who would be perfect for this job:

    http://notalwaysright.com/articulated-truck-drivers-arent-articulate/7882

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 26
      Stephanae permalink

      You’re going to have Taco accusing you of breathing his air, Mindfield.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 October 26
      kelli permalink

      Taco already posted that link Mind.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 26
      Mindfield permalink

      Oh for Pete’s sake. Maybe I should apply for the job. I just have to learn how to drive a rig.

      Adores: 12
    • 2010 October 26

      *Opens mouth and holds up finger*

      *Closes mouth*

      *Goes to the corner to pout*

      Adores: 12
  20. 2010 October 26
    Windrose permalink

    Those dumb trucks pick up their load, drive to the work site, then dumb it all over the place. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Having a cold makes this sound correct.

    Adores: 8
  21. 2010 October 26
    Lara permalink

    This is the perfect job for a transformer since the last movie bombed so bad. They can have 18 wheels and they were dumb in the movie. (I wont attack the tv show for reasons of nostalgia)

    Adores: 8
  22. 2010 October 26
    reina permalink

    I do enjoy the specificity of ‘semi dumb.’ The interview process to ensure the exact level of dumbness required is met must be rigorous – “Knows how to do long division? Too smart… Unaware of how pants work? Too dumb… Able to tell time, but incapable of tying shoelaces and reciting the alphabet simultaneously? I think we have a winner!”

    Adores: 16
    • 2010 October 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      It’s kinda like the idiot version of Goldilocks.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 27
        tigprincess permalink

        SJ – there’s an idiot’s version? Where? What’s it called? I always thought she was too cute and too pretty and too clever to be a real little girl!
        Apropos of which have you seen this link? http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=453108277627 I dedicate it to all beautiful people on YSaC (either gender)

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 26
      Tankerbell permalink

      *** “A B C D … the bunny goes into the hole… Q R F %… damn!”
      ***Starts over. “A B C D … the bunny is divided by pi . . . D’oh!”

      “Andrea, what time is it?”
      Looks at digital clock. “1:30.”
      “Congratulations. Welcome to Sparky Transport. Here’s your uniform.”
      “Ummm… this part with the long sleevy-things and the zipper? Whazzat? How’s that work?”

      Adores: 4
  23. 2010 October 26
    Ridiculously.Insular.SpaceBug permalink

    So the local populace doesn’t generate enough trash/garbage to keep the landfill operating that they have to quarry more?

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 October 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      Once your garbage mine reaches sufficient depths, it becomes an “antiques” mine. When that happens you have to open another garbage mine.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 October 26
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        In Florida, it becomes the highest land point around.

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 26
        mudslicker permalink

        So what are you saying sarajean? That The House of the Hoarders at Pompeii is filled with archaeological treasures now instead of vats of rotting olives and dildo windchimes?

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 October 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think the olives have fossilized by now.

          I am curious as to what sort of hoarder would collect dildo windchimes. Seems like a fairly niche market.

          Adores: 7
  24. 2010 October 26
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Me are like to applies for this job. Where does me got a appliation?

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 October 26
      Astrognash permalink

      I dunno. It’ll be a hard on to find.

      Adores: 5
  25. 2010 October 26

    This ad is bringing back some horrible memories of the dumb truck drivers I’ve had to work with over the years – and the dumb machine drivers. Rule 1 is that in quarries it’s never a good idea if your drivers are too dumb, hence (presumably) the semi dumb requirement.

    I’m going to go away and think about all the nasty quarry sites I’ve worked in, and possibly cry a bit. I hate quarries.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 October 26
      NotMyName permalink

      I would rather work in a quarry than in a mine.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 26

        Admittedly, if it’s a limestone quarry and they’re blasting that can be fun. I remember us all being herded into our van and having to drive out through the quarry to the entrance. We used to have a great view of half the cliff exploding. But driving through quarries when you don’t have 4WD – not good.

        Adores: 2
  26. 2010 October 26
    CapnMac permalink

    [ridiculously specific corey]
    Now, there are definite HR implications in hiring only mute or semi-mute truck drivers–probably reduces the number of workplace harassment claims by several magnitudes.

    Now, allowing for there being some variance in the base intelligence of quarry operators, the fact that not one mention is made of having a Commercial (>3000GVW) license is a bit troubling.
    Or, of having a clean driving record (which suggests the quarry has no insurance).
    Or, of pre-employment testing for chemical abuse (again, suggests no insurance).
    And, the fact that there is no mention of the supplemental certifications nearly universally required for quarry/aggregate haulage; and especially so for articulated truck operations.

    Requiring such qualifications is a way of reducing the blizzard of aps such things normally generate.
    [/corey]

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 October 26
      mudslicker permalink

      I thought you said “blizzard of apes” and thought, Damn! that’s either some kind of messed up Dairy Queen shake or god’s messing with our heads because of some human aberration …. AGAIN!

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 October 26
        sarajean80 permalink

        I’d love to see the Weather Channel graphic for a blizzard of apes.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 October 26

          I’d love to see a blizzard of apes. But from a safe distance.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 October 26
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Isn’t Blizzard of Apes the Gorillaz new cd of Ozzy Osbourne covers?

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 October 26
          Astrognash permalink

          Blizzard of the Apes is what happens when Charlton Heston covers an Ozzy Osbourne album.

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 October 26
        ToBScholarly permalink

        “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”

        Yah, it would probably be a bad blizzard.

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 October 26
        CoffDrop permalink

        I found only one ape, but here is your blizzard:

        Gale warning hail warning
        Sky sifts high drifts
        Finding bright blinding white
        Snowball snowfall
        Moonscape snowscape
        Frostbite dost bite
        Rococo swirls hot cocoa curls
        Icy glove ape love
        Huddle in cuddle in
        Rock salt clocks halt

        Adores: 3
  27. 2010 October 26
    Ridiculously.Insular.SpaceBug permalink

    *A Limerickish tome of Grissom the trucker*

    Impending Disaster and Earth Co.
    Wants truckers with smarts that are just so.
    Can walk and chew gum.
    A brain that is numb.
    That’s I. D. and E.’s manifesto

    Along came a trucker called Grissom.
    knew quarries and landfills and then some.
    Applied for some work.
    Too bright, said the clerk.
    Grissom thought, what wrought this cerebrum.

    A neat show promised work through the winter.
    He went off to the land of the Hinter.
    Trucking on ice.
    Weren’t really nice.
    And the cold made his truck want to splinter.

    His pals’ gave him something to ponder.
    Said your head’s not sumpthin’ t’ sqaunder
    But, up in his prime.
    And on his last dime.
    This praise sent his mind off to wander

    Thoughts rose above the din and the clattery.
    Man cannot live alone on such flattery.
    And before he was broke.
    A serendipitous stroke.
    Brought him a level of asshattery.

    Now I. D. and E. did not tarry.
    We have rocks galore you can ferry.
    That now you’ve become.
    A bit semi dumb.
    You’re smart as the load you will carry.

    Adores: 6
  28. 2010 October 26
    Windrose permalink

    Tankerbell, you would have been in the box all day if I had looked at the roster and noticed it was my day to update. Better late than never?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 October 26
      Tankerbell permalink

      **Blush**
      Thanks, Windy!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 26
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Good choice.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 26

      And, as always, Windrose cleans up after my messes. Thanks, Windrose!

      *grumbles about real life taking up so much time that she doesn’t always remember to update the Don’t Suck box …*

      Adores: 2
  29. 2010 October 26
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Oh, and by the way, thanks SO much for the earworm, drmk! [/sarcasm]

    Adores: 1
  30. 2010 October 26
    Windrose permalink

    (antibiotics are kicking in, I feel marginally better) OT election campaign fun! We have a candidate running for mayor whose last name in Bologna. I’m sure he’s full of it. (possibly no one else is old enough to remember when baloney was used in place of sheet) Also there is a candidate whose last name is Miranda. Mike and I look at each other and whisper “Miranda!” whenever we see one of her signs. Again, for those old enough to remember, her first name is Carmen. Carmen Miranda. No fruit hats on the signs. Finally, another candidate for mayor’s last name is Abed. I don’t want my mayor to be abed. It just sounds like a bad idea.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 October 26
      Addicted Reader permalink

      I think I caught your plague.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 26
        MandaB permalink

        Bird flu?

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 October 27
        Windrose permalink

        AR, just throw it back. I’ll see if I can catch it in return. 8)

        Manda, no not bird flu, bird FU! 8)

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 October 26
      MandaB permalink

      I hear Carmen Miranda and then I think of Bugs Bunny dressed up like Carmen Miranda. Equally helpful image for a candidate!

      Adores: 8
  31. 2010 October 26
    MandaB permalink

    *runs into Snark Lounge*

    Whew! Insane day! I have nothing of value to add today, but I missed you lunatics.

    Hi Moira! Glad you’ve come back!

    Ok – handing out doors and going to bed. In that order.

    Adores: 8
  32. 2010 October 27
    Moira permalink

    *sigh*
    I have missed about 100 posts and missed ya’ll far more. But work continues busy and I probably won’t be able to frequent for a while.

    In other news, mead is in bottles – both plain and blackberry. Peach has been abandoned. Ginger-orange is in the primary fermentation bucket.

    I’m thinking green tea-hibiscus for the next batch, perhaps, unless something better strikes me or I get a specific request that sounds intriguing and fun.

    Adores: 2
  33. 2010 October 27
    Windrose permalink

    Tankerbell, the gardener in white, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Texafornia!

    Adores: 3
  34. 2010 October 28
    Jinx permalink

    I think I’m overqualified for this position…

    Adores: 0

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