YSaC, Vol. 831: Dumps like a truck, truck, truck.
2010 October 26
Let’s see if everyone can figure out the problem with this ad:
18 Wheel Dumb Truck Driver
Experienced Semi Dumb Truck Drivers only! Must have knowledge of local quarries and landfills.
2 years dumb truck driving minimum required. Will work through winter! Immediate position available!!
Call xxx-xxx-xxxx. .
So what’s wrong with this? I’ll tell you what: this is clearly discriminatory against intelligent truck drivers! Actually, if Impending Disaster Earth Moving Co. is only willing to hire semi dumb truck drivers, that’s discriminatory against intelligent truck drivers, semi intelligent truck drivers, AND really dumb truck drivers. They’re eliminating three-quarters of their potential applicant pool right there.
Thanks for the ad, Mike!
I wonder if Sparky is the one who owns the quarry and trucks. (Of course, he probably calls it the “query”.) This suprises me, because dump trucks usually have the type of truck on the owner’s manual in great big letters.
But that would require being able to read. Of course Sparky can’t read, he can just bang on the keyboard and hope that his message is clear enough.
I talked to someone recently who gave their address a Quarry Rd, pronounced Quay-ry. I thought it might be one of those weird regional pronounciations, but everyone else says it correctly.
It has taken me four hours to realise that dumb = dump. Then again, I haven’t been thinking about it too much. I guess both Sparky* and I are kind of dump-asses.
*Sparky more so, of course.
NMN, I’m sure your ass is not a dump. I’m sure it’s quite lovely and firm. You are over 18, right? Really don’t want to talk to that Chris fellow again.
I don’t want to speculate too hard about possible meanings of “dump-ass.” I think I’ve mentioned before that I have an aversion to scatological topics. If I’m not careful, I’ll be carrying that Tub Girl image in my head again all day.
If dumb = dump, then if we convert the Commutative Property of algebra into english, where “if a = b, then b = a,” then dump = dumb. Thus, by saying Sparky (and myself) are dump-asses, I’m saying that Sparky(and yet again, myself), are dumb-asses. Capiche*?
*Not sure if that’s spelled correctly.
English should be capitalized. Also Sparky = dumbass; NMN = slow today (happens to the best of us) NMN =/= dumbass
if NMN != dumbass return True;
You forgot the last part
if NMN != dumbass return True;
else if NMN != dumpass return True;
NMN – have a little faith in yourself. We wouldn’t put up with your comments long if you were either (see Condorman, or whatever his name was).
Dumpass = Charmin to the rescue!
What? I had a good nap.
Stephanae: Ah, Tub Girl! Did you know that she was a Gong Show reject? Those were the days…..
Gong Show
Such sweet girls, CoffDrop! I never would have recognized Tub Girl, though. Then again, I can’t really remember her face. I can’t believe I used to watch the Gong Show as a small child! I didn’t remember how smutty it was. But since I was so little, I probably saw that routine and it just made me want a popsicle.
Muy gracioso – Stephanae
In all seriousness, all you youngsters should google (youtube too) the Gong Show and Chuck Barris (Was he CIA?)…..
PS: Do not google tube girl – No, No, No……..
I prefer smart trucks.
They’re great for fitting into small parking spaces, but only have the hauling capacity for dollhouse renovations.
I’m having trouble formulating a response to this ad. Maybe I should just apply to it instead.
A little Johnny Cash please….
You load 18 wheels and what do you get? Another day older and dumber than dirt ….
*leaving the rest for those more gifted than I*
Pssst, LL, love the ad-apropos version but that would be Tennessee Ernie Ford.
I always hear Johnny Cash’s voice… it’s a gift.
Plus, it’s usually not the right words, .. another gift! It’s like free-gift Tuesday… let’s share.
Oh.. lest I forget.. pppbbbtttt.
I would share, but all my gifts belong to the company store.
Ahh, my day is made. I’ve been pppbbbttt’d by LL. Tis a high honor, indeed. 🙂 We are big fans of the man in black as well as the ol’ pea-picker.
I think Merle Travis might be owed some due, too.
It’s close to All Hallows Eve, maybe we can have sing-off between Johnny and Ernie?
They’re always invited to my Samhain circle.
Way to make it all spiritual and nice, Stephanae. 🙂
I was thinking more of a zombie review. Though I’m guessing the zombie versions would have to ‘lip sing’ lest we endure several renditions of, “Rir gir arr, rah rah rur rah, rar grr ar rar rar ar rur rur har!”
Oscar Mike Golf, Christina! A Brazillion doors to you!
I…
It’s…
Ummm…
You know, I think I lost a few IQ points just reading this. If I read it another three or four times I’ll probably qualify for the job.
I can’t wait for Mudsy to show up! She said she’d tell us about the rabbits right before our trucking shift.
Hehe… gather round children….
*Plops down a bag of freshly picked round children at Mudsy’s feet*
There you go nice lady. Now it’s story time! Yaay!
This ad has sucked the snark right out of me.
Should I make a Peterbilt joke?
What’s The Difference Between A Peterbilt & A Porcupine?
The prick is on the outside on a porcupine
Thanks for coming! Now finish your popcorn kids, and toddle along to Uncle Taco’s study.
Ah yes, harvest the round young virgins in late October and they’ll be tender and mild by December.
*Upgrades to an aisle seat in the handbasket.*
Steinbeck reference FTW!
I’ve always been partial to the Joads myself. Although they were not dumb, they did have a truck. And they need the work. I’m afraid, though, that Sparky specifically asked for “dumb” truck drivers right in the title of his ad, so Lennie it is. Hope Sparquois is prepared to hire George, too, because they’re gonna have more than dirt to dump.
I’ve seen one of these. It has four gears: Reverse, first, second, and hurrrrrrd. The asymmetrical grille also sticks out at a 30-degree angle out front.
Oh good grief! As if there weren’t enough reality series on television involving dumb truck drivers, they’re now recruiting on craigslist!
Producer – Hey, people really seem to like this dumb truck driver thing we got going on here. Maybe we could expand it and move it to an urban setting. We could hire a bunch of dumb truck drivers and then follow them around as they break all manner of traffic laws, shout expletives out their windows at no one in particular, and in general act..you know, dumb.
Moneyperson – Did you say hooters?
Producer – Erm….yeah, we’ll include owls.
Moneyperson – So long as there’s hooters involved, we gotcher back.
Producer – Awesome, dude.
Up next, on History, “Dumb Truck Drivers – Urban Dirt”.
“You gotta be a special type of person to-”
*HOOOOOOOOOOONK* “Get off the road jackass! That light was only red for 10 seconds, why they hell did you stop?!”
“Anyway, the driving conditions as a short haul trucker are really-”
*HOOOOOOOOONK HOOONK* “Why are you stopping at that red hexagonal sign?! And what’s that blinking yellow light all about?! JUST GO!”
“As I was saying, the pressure out here is-” *SKREEEEEEEEEEE CRASH*
“Damnit, not again. Now pa is gonna lock me under the stairs for sure.”
So…the people on Ice Road Truckers seem dumb to you, C.J.?
Hey, wait, my dad worked for Swift! Watch who you’re calling dumb, people!
NMN — deep breathe…. say it with me……pppbbbttt .
There. Feel better?
Taco…the polar bear…OMG…he’s the worst……and now I feel dirty cuz I’v outed myself.
*hangs head in shame because yes, she has watched IRT a few times*
On the other hand Alex, the goofy Polish fellow, is a delight.
I’ve seen American Pickers and let me tell you if I was the little guy I think I’d lock Mr. Smug-Ass-Skinny-Dude inside one of those dusty old sheds until he promised to never speak again. Ever.
Edit: Weird comment placement occurrance…should be down there below Taco’s.
NMN…let’s just say some of them I am, quite sure, couldn’t find their arse with both hands.
As for your father, I’m certain he is a man of intellect and wit. He did, after all, produce you, didn’t he? 🙂
To be fair, those “some” (I’m pretty sure I know of which two you primarily speak of) are not just dumb. They’re also rather arrogant and self-righteous. Mixing those three things tends to augment the distaste I have for them.
And it isn’t the trucking that made them that way. I’m sure whatever vocation they would end up working at, they would end up doing something that required them to spend a lot of time alone and away from others.
However, I find the lesser members of Ice Truckers a delight in comparison to those American Picker guys. They have an unctuous aura that reaches out of the TV and dirties me to the core. I have to shower even if I see a commercial.
Taco, you’re making me feel very grateful that the only bit of information I can understand in this conversation is that you’re talking about some TV show I’ve never heard of.
One of the many things I learned on my business trip was that I’m immensely glad that I don’t have cable at home. Not only is cable now filled with worthless shows that don’t deserve to be watched, but these shows have a weird mesmerizing effect that forces you to continue watching in spite of the fact that you feel disgusted with the program and yourself for your continued viewing.
After about an hour of watching cable TV I was in a weird kind of self loathing spiral where my newly crushed self esteem forced me to watch more shows that crushed my self esteem by their viewing. I returned home a shadow of the man who left. I had to apply generous amounts of Mystery Science Theater in order to resuscitate my nearly destroyed sense of self worth.
I’m seriously considering joining your boycott on Animal Planet, Taco. I was flipping through the channels and found something that made me want to cry – Animal Planet has it’s own version of Punk’d. (The basic premise is; get gullible idiot in isolated area, pretend idiot is being attacked by mythical creature, film results.) And if that wasn’t bad enough, the show after that little gem was an episode of Lost Tapes. Featuring zombies. On Animal Planet. At that point I just turned the TV off before my eyeballs started bleeding.
Besides, the Jersey Shore crew, in my opinion the closest personification of Sparky-esque wittitude on TV is that Chumley character from Pawn Stars.
Since when did the History Channel decide it was just fine and dandy to go down that oh-so-wrong path and host shows such as Icy Frozen Bay Dumb Truckers, Ax Murderers, Nose Pickers, Swamp Creatures, and now that new show American Resuscitation? Was every other show about Hitler not good enough?
My 13-year-old daughter loves Jersey Shore. I’m very worried. She really dreads having me walk in the room while she’s watching it, though, because I can never refrain from commenting on what pitiful excuses for human beings they all are.
American Pickers and Hoarders are really the same show…. the only difference is that American Pickers has two unlikable guys willing to pay up to a thousand dollars for the rusty crap piled up in the yards/sheds/houses of the hoarders.
Apparently today I, enjoy just, throwing commas, in whenever the, mood suits me. I’m having a, dumb truck, moment.
My offspring and her boyfriend enjoy Jersey Shore as well—more of like in an “Ooh, lets go watch the train wreck!” sort of way. Since they don’t have cable, they wait to download it every week. The sad part about it is she grew up down there—spent many a summer night on the Seaside boardwalk—so I like to think she watches it for the familiar places more-so than for the Natural Selection Tightrope those idiots walk on a daily basis. Kids these days!
😉
Seriously…we humans have been around for what, millions of years? And we can’t possibly expand on the archaeological finds, written histories, video and audio archives, books, et al enough to fill 20 hrs. of programming a day? The other four hours are, of course, filled with infomercials where I can watch waxen faded “rock” stars pitch volumes of music that was awful then and has not (no thank you verrrry much I’ll just keep my $19.99) improved with time.
Sigh…feel better now.
Ya’ll should read more.
I am willing to stipulate to your positions vis-a-vis Ice Road Truckers on the condition that you agree that The Deadliest Catch is cool. I don’t think we have to discuss Jersey Shore because I think there is a pattern jury instruction that says that show is, a priori, spawn of Slaptimus.
*chortle..snort..guffaw*
You said, “Slaptimus”, Tanker!!
And…agreed…lurv them crab-fishin’ boys…
*darts eyes around nervously*
I … don’t have TV.
I have a TV, which works, but it was such a PITA to get cable or dish when I moved that I decided to forego it, and then Netflix + shows streamed online just seemed the cheapest way to go.
I don’t either, Lola. We tossed our dinosaur this past spring and haven’t looked back. We may buy one if this basketball season starts looking interesting, but cable isn’t something I really want to pay for again. If I want to know what’s going on in the world of reality tv I’ll just download the newest South Park eisode.
I didn’t have TV for about 7 years, but then I moved in with Mr. Tank and the Tanklet, who would not be without it. It was funny – they would make fun of me because, after 7 years, some commercials were really amazing to me. That was weird to them because they had seen them all a million times.
We have a rather nice LCD TV for watching DVDs of things that aren’t horrible — most of which were filmed more than two decades ago. I refuse to get cable. Even if we upgrade from DSL to cable broadband, I refuse to get cable.
I refuse.
I must say I hate the trend on the History Channel. I hate Pawn Stars and American Pickers. My parents love those shows. Dad watches it all day Monday if he’s home. Drives me crazy.
If you want some seriously stupid tv, just watch some of the spanish language channels. Horrible stuff. But Dad loves watching Jose Luis even if he doesn’t understand enough Spanish for it to make sense. But then it is a Jerry Springer knockoff and you don’t have to understand the language to spot a skank.
This isn’t very specific. All trucks are dumb in the sense that they are mute and cannot talk. Now, if they wanted a driver for a talking truck, I could see where that might require some skill. Would it be like a backseat driver and tell the driver they were going the wrong way? Would it shout at other vehicles? Would it slow down to talk to other vehicles and make the driver late?
Watch the documentary “Cars.” It’ll answer all those questions
I was afraid that was your answer …
Cars was not a documentary. They were a new wave rock band —and just what I needed.
Not to mention moving in stereo – uh oh, it’s magic!
Perhaps this The Hoff’s new gig, since the whole talking car thing really did wonders for him…
What about Herbie the love truck?
*All trucks are dumb in the sense that they are mute and cannot talk.*
So….do they know (stop)sign language?
If, on the other hand, it’s the driver they want to be dumb, in the sense of mute, I can’t say that I really blame them.
Of course, by that reading, they might also want a driver with 18 wheels. I’ve never met a person with wheels, but thinking about it is causing me to make plans for my first cyborg implants.
Have you seen the commercials for the ‘Chuck the talking dump truck’ and all his friends?
Talk about creepy..
Where’s KITT when you need
himit?KITT is picking up hamburgers.
Well, if the truck acted like a backseat driver, there’d be no need for a GPS. Unless the truck didn’t know where it was going either.
This has “goofy early sixties Disney movie” written all over it.
Dumb and Dumper?
I was actually thinking more along the lines of “My Mother the Car.” That’s a weird premise for a show.
*looks at descriptions of current cable TV fare*
Or … maybe not?
That’s what I thought too. Or something where Fred McMurray becomes a car.
It’s like today is stupid truck driver day or something:
http://notalwaysright.com/articulated-truck-drivers-arent-articulate/7882
That seems more like an enjoying-recreational-chemicals truck driver than a dumb truck driver. Could be both, though.
What can I say, SJ. I’m an optimist.
Are they looking for dumb drivers for trucks? Or drivers for dumb trucks? Does it really make a difference?
I figured out what’s wrong with the ad. It needs more ‘p’.
Uh oh… wait, not on the tree! Don’t you realize everyone driving by can see you? Turn around or something.
“Greetings, prospective wage slaves! Now, to ensure that only the … most qualified drivers are hired, I’m going to give you a simple test.
Question one – What color is the sky? Yes, Bubba; I know there’s a window right behind me, I want you to write the answer down. No, you can’t look at Jimmy’s answer. No, “Cloudy” is not a color. Don’t carve the answer into the desk! Use the paper I gave you when you walked in here. Well, next time just put your chewing gum in the trash can! Here’s a fresh sheet. Wait – Where’s your pencil? The pencil I gave you … You stuck it in your ear? I don’t see anything … It went in how far? Why would you … Yes, I’m sure thinking does make your brain itch, but… You know what, Bubba? You’re hired.”
Sounds like Grampdaddy’s description of his class, only they are smarter and better toilet-trained (the kids, that is).
‘Tis true, with a few minor revisions. Most of the future wage-slaves I have the privilege of working with can:
1) Add, using all the digits (0-9) plus 10.
2) Subtract (most from 10, some from 15 or 16).
3) Create number bonds
4) Produce ‘Fact-Families’
5) Color within the lines
6) Celebrate losing a tooth
7) Are firm believers in the “5-, 10-, 30-second, or 6 months rule”. If it is on the floor but is still recognizable as something that may have been food, it is edible if you can get it unstuck.
8) Are willing to share with others. (See #7).
Hey, maybe this ad was placed by the owner’s disgruntled wife/girlfriend/office assistant/a combination of the previous who has had it with the troglodytes he’s been hiring. She decided to go for truth in advertising, and did it on purpose, knowing that Sparky wouldn’t notice.
Oh, it says “SEMI dumb truck driver” Damn, I was this close to having a job..
Just as well, since the only benefits the job offered was a 15 minute recess and a band-aid.
And now I’m getting ads for truck driver school.
I’m sure that’s tempting, but I fear you’re not semi dumb enough to pass.
More Money.
More Miles.
More reasons to apply now.
*and then there’s a picture of Timothy McVeigh for some reason*
It’s the strangest thing, but day after day, no matter the subject, all I ever seem to see is ads for Kiva micro-financing. I never get anything relevant…
Not just you, Bombdude, me too – although today I’m being invited to study for CFA online …. I would if I knew what it was and if I’d be interested in it and if it helped with obtaining a megabucks paying job… so many imponderables.
Me too, Bombdude.
Mine switch between relevant and irrelevant. Today I have Solar Energy Charity, but yesterday I had floral arrangements.
I tend to get the Kiva ad on the homepage, but a more targeted ad on the page for the post and the comments itself. I think that there’s such a tangle of topics on the home page that it doesn’t know what ad to serve and so defaults to the Kiva ad, but when the page is a single topic and people keep mentioning keywords (like “truck”) it has an easier time of figuring things out.
I removed the political ads, by the way, so hopefully there will be fewer “NANCY PELOSI IS SATAN” ads popping up.
That screams for anagram fun if every anything did. Hammy?
We are sorry, Hammy isn’t in right now please leave a message after the beep*Sounds of Hammy strangling his boss*
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Mine is almost always the Kiva ad, at least within the comments page. Only on the home page do other ads generally appear. I usually notice this just as the new page opens.
Dunno if that means anything.
But, I’m sitting as a s’bucks waiting on Verizon to correct the DSL problem in my neigborhood (regular phone and fax works–just not dsl <le sigh>
Did you say Starbucks?
*Browses the “missed connections” to see what type of purses and cars the girls in Capn’s town are sporting.*
Not many purses, nor international customers–other than the professor from Venezuela (she had a knit bag for her computers, and a leather bag the size of a knapsack).
Mostly just computer cases.
I’m getting truck driving on the front page and Kiva/Solar energy charity on the post+comments itself. AdSense likes to confuse me.
The History Channel’s Newest Show:
The Llama-Nun Trucker School
I was kinda picturing a Smokey and The Bandit reboot titled Llama-Nun* and The Ostrimu**.
*Bees be upon her.
**Him too.
OT: Hey CJ, we got a Texas-California series going. Hee-hee! I bet my Giants will beat your Rangers. *hug*
OT: Archie! Dems fightin’ words ya know! 😉 *hugsbackatcha*
OT: I pick CJ’s team! They beat the Yankees for me. 😉
*hugstoall*
Hugs are combative?
The world is upside down, clearly.
Besides, the Giants already beat the Cowboys like a drum.
Pathetic wasn’t it, Capn? And now Tony-boy looks to be down and out for the count.
I predict Wade’s name disappearing from the office door in 3….2….1…
I know I should be rooting for the Rangers, but the underdog in me still wants to yell “Go Cubs!”
(“Go Bills!” works for football. Sorry, Cowboys, Yankees and Lakers round out my trifecta of teams I can’t root for under any circumstance, even though all qualify as home teams for me.)
Hey, Wade will have a job (his agents/parasites will have done that before negotiating the contract).
Now, it might be as a caddy, or maybe Distant-Jones-relatives-private-bathroom attendant, but, it will be a job.
Christina, as a Cubs fan, I agree. Instead I will resort to hanging my head and muttering, “There’s always next year.” That’s what we Cubs fans do best.
My father predicts 2012 for the Bills, the Cubs, and the impending apocalyps brought on by these events.
CUBS FANS???? O.M.G.!! Raised in St. Louis, here, so you know what that means…..
*opens closet in search of Cub-smiting paraphernalia…finding none, settles for long-forgotten box of chocolates, and thirty minutes later has totally forgotten what I was looking for in the first place*
I really want to think that this was done on purpose, that Sparky wanted his friend to get the job, but his boss insisted that he had to place an ad on CL, so Sparky placed that ad, but purposely replaced dump with dumb hoping it would insult all possible applicants so that Sparky’s friend would be the only one to apply and get the job and if the boss saw the ad on CL, Sparky could say it was an accident but Sparky was disappointed because instead of insulting the truck driver candidates and narrowing the field for his friend, the ad pulled in a record number of applicants.*
*Yay, incredibly long run-on sentence!
Wow kelli, you’re a “the dumb truck is half full” kinda girl aren’t you?
[pessimist/optimist test ot] When asked if the glass is half empty or half full, I reply that the glass is completely full, the other half is full of air. I’m sure what that makes me (besides right). [/ot]
I think you’ll find that it makes you pedantic.
As it does me for finding it necessary to answer your rhetorical question then point out that the question was rhetorical.
I can’t believe I left out the word not again. For some reason, that is the word I forget to include most often.
I think leaving out the word “not” in a pessimist/optimist test is very telling.
Oh, Kelli!
I’ve been saying the same thing about glasses for years. *dances*
Also, to the phrase “Shit happens” I add, “Sometimes it’s wonderful shit and sometimes it’s best used to fertilize next year’s flowers.” For those of you with the Flair app on FB, I did turn that into a button.
Steph, it just means I know what that makes me, instead of not knowing which is what I had intended to say and what Taco answered despite my statement having the opposite of my intended meaning suggesting he mentally added the missing word converting the sentence back to its original intent and yes, today is National Run-on Sentence Day, thanks for asking.
I love run-on sentences and try to employ them whenever I can (and I especially like them when they include lots of parentheticals), but I didn’t know there was a National Run-On Sentence Day and now I wish I had a completely full glass of Champagne because that seems like something I really should celebrate, but I couldn’t drink the Champagne at work anyway, because the place I work now won’t let me, although I used to work at a place that always kept beer stocked in the break room refrigerators, but that was the only thing that was better about working there than here.
Fleas.
Adam had ’em.
*In honor of National Non-Run-On-Sentence Day
Moira!!! *joins in the happy dance*
Moira! We missed you!
OT Half empty/half full: According to Terry Pratchett, some people would say, This isn’t my glass. My glass was bigger, and had more in it.*
*I wish I could find the exact quote, but this is close. 8)
So this one time, at Band Camp, we were doing circle drill, which is where we all get in a circle and go back and forth incessantly, and it kills your shins, and we were really tired afterward, and my shins were on fire, and stretching them out just made it worse, and the worst part was I had run out of water, and so I had to wait, and by the times I’d gotten my water bottle full (but I had yet to drink any), it was time for more circle drill, and this time we also went left and did a three-point turn, and then went right, and then went forwards and back, then right, and a three-point turn, then left, then forward and back, continuously, until the next water break, which is when I finally got to drink some water, but then we learned more of our show, and then we went in for lunch and promptly decided that air conditioning was man’s greatest achievement, because we were hot and sweaty and the cool air felt good on our faces, but it wasn’t enough, so I stuck my head in my lunchbox and looked like a fool, but it was okay because this was band, and I was with friends, and then we had sectionals, and Damon told us a story about glowing green salsa burning a hole through a girl’s stomach.
Whew. I’m a little out of breath. Figuratively, of course. Happy Run-On Sentence Day!
perhaps Sparky meant deaf? ‘cos working in a quarry is soooo noisy they’d not be able to sue him for employee compensation ‘cos they started off without being able to hear?
or am I crediting Sparky with too many functionning brain cells?
Nope, “hearing” is a different disability.
That, and the loudest noise at most quarries is the sound of the machinery (it’s the exposure time, more than the peak level, of sounds, that causes the most hearing damage).
You know, it occurred to me that this is a bit of a coincidence, as one of today’s “Not Always Right” entries features a guy who would be perfect for this job:
http://notalwaysright.com/articulated-truck-drivers-arent-articulate/7882
You’re going to have Taco accusing you of breathing his air, Mindfield.
Taco already posted that link Mind.
Oh for Pete’s sake. Maybe I should apply for the job. I just have to learn how to drive a rig.
*Opens mouth and holds up finger*
*Closes mouth*
*Goes to the corner to pout*
Those dumb trucks pick up their load, drive to the work site, then dumb it all over the place. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Having a cold makes this sound correct.
This is the perfect job for a transformer since the last movie bombed so bad. They can have 18 wheels and they were dumb in the movie. (I wont attack the tv show for reasons of nostalgia)
I do enjoy the specificity of ‘semi dumb.’ The interview process to ensure the exact level of dumbness required is met must be rigorous – “Knows how to do long division? Too smart… Unaware of how pants work? Too dumb… Able to tell time, but incapable of tying shoelaces and reciting the alphabet simultaneously? I think we have a winner!”
It’s kinda like the idiot version of Goldilocks.
SJ – there’s an idiot’s version? Where? What’s it called? I always thought she was too cute and too pretty and too clever to be a real little girl!
Apropos of which have you seen this link? http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=453108277627 I dedicate it to all beautiful people on YSaC (either gender)
*** “A B C D … the bunny goes into the hole… Q R F %… damn!”
***Starts over. “A B C D … the bunny is divided by pi . . . D’oh!”
“Andrea, what time is it?”
Looks at digital clock. “1:30.”
“Congratulations. Welcome to Sparky Transport. Here’s your uniform.”
“Ummm… this part with the long sleevy-things and the zipper? Whazzat? How’s that work?”
So the local populace doesn’t generate enough trash/garbage to keep the landfill operating that they have to quarry more?
Once your garbage mine reaches sufficient depths, it becomes an “antiques” mine. When that happens you have to open another garbage mine.
In Florida, it becomes the highest land point around.
So what are you saying sarajean? That The House of the Hoarders at Pompeii is filled with archaeological treasures now instead of vats of rotting olives and dildo windchimes?
I think the olives have fossilized by now.
I am curious as to what sort of hoarder would collect dildo windchimes. Seems like a fairly niche market.
Me are like to applies for this job. Where does me got a appliation?
I dunno. It’ll be a hard on to find.
This ad is bringing back some horrible memories of the dumb truck drivers I’ve had to work with over the years – and the dumb machine drivers. Rule 1 is that in quarries it’s never a good idea if your drivers are too dumb, hence (presumably) the semi dumb requirement.
I’m going to go away and think about all the nasty quarry sites I’ve worked in, and possibly cry a bit. I hate quarries.
I would rather work in a quarry than in a mine.
Admittedly, if it’s a limestone quarry and they’re blasting that can be fun. I remember us all being herded into our van and having to drive out through the quarry to the entrance. We used to have a great view of half the cliff exploding. But driving through quarries when you don’t have 4WD – not good.
[ridiculously specific corey]
Now, there are definite HR implications in hiring only mute or semi-mute truck drivers–probably reduces the number of workplace harassment claims by several magnitudes.
Now, allowing for there being some variance in the base intelligence of quarry operators, the fact that not one mention is made of having a Commercial (>3000GVW) license is a bit troubling.
Or, of having a clean driving record (which suggests the quarry has no insurance).
Or, of pre-employment testing for chemical abuse (again, suggests no insurance).
And, the fact that there is no mention of the supplemental certifications nearly universally required for quarry/aggregate haulage; and especially so for articulated truck operations.
Requiring such qualifications is a way of reducing the blizzard of aps such things normally generate.
[/corey]
I thought you said “blizzard of apes” and thought, Damn! that’s either some kind of messed up Dairy Queen shake or god’s messing with our heads because of some human aberration …. AGAIN!
I’d love to see the Weather Channel graphic for a blizzard of apes.
I’d love to see a blizzard of apes. But from a safe distance.
Isn’t Blizzard of Apes the Gorillaz new cd of Ozzy Osbourne covers?
Blizzard of the Apes is what happens when Charlton Heston covers an Ozzy Osbourne album.
“Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”
Yah, it would probably be a bad blizzard.
I found only one ape, but here is your blizzard:
Gale warning hail warning
Sky sifts high drifts
Finding bright blinding white
Snowball snowfall
Moonscape snowscape
Frostbite dost bite
Rococo swirls hot cocoa curls
Icy glove ape love
Huddle in cuddle in
Rock salt clocks halt
*A Limerickish tome of Grissom the trucker*
Impending Disaster and Earth Co.
Wants truckers with smarts that are just so.
Can walk and chew gum.
A brain that is numb.
That’s I. D. and E.’s manifesto
Along came a trucker called Grissom.
knew quarries and landfills and then some.
Applied for some work.
Too bright, said the clerk.
Grissom thought, what wrought this cerebrum.
A neat show promised work through the winter.
He went off to the land of the Hinter.
Trucking on ice.
Weren’t really nice.
And the cold made his truck want to splinter.
His pals’ gave him something to ponder.
Said your head’s not sumpthin’ t’ sqaunder
But, up in his prime.
And on his last dime.
This praise sent his mind off to wander
Thoughts rose above the din and the clattery.
Man cannot live alone on such flattery.
And before he was broke.
A serendipitous stroke.
Brought him a level of asshattery.
Now I. D. and E. did not tarry.
We have rocks galore you can ferry.
That now you’ve become.
A bit semi dumb.
You’re smart as the load you will carry.
Tankerbell, you would have been in the box all day if I had looked at the roster and noticed it was my day to update. Better late than never?
**Blush**
Thanks, Windy!
Good choice.
And, as always, Windrose cleans up after my messes. Thanks, Windrose!
*grumbles about real life taking up so much time that she doesn’t always remember to update the Don’t Suck box …*
Oh, and by the way, thanks SO much for the earworm, drmk! [/sarcasm]
You’re welcome!
: P
(antibiotics are kicking in, I feel marginally better) OT election campaign fun! We have a candidate running for mayor whose last name in Bologna. I’m sure he’s full of it. (possibly no one else is old enough to remember when baloney was used in place of sheet) Also there is a candidate whose last name is Miranda. Mike and I look at each other and whisper “Miranda!” whenever we see one of her signs. Again, for those old enough to remember, her first name is Carmen. Carmen Miranda. No fruit hats on the signs. Finally, another candidate for mayor’s last name is Abed. I don’t want my mayor to be abed. It just sounds like a bad idea.
I think I caught your plague.
Bird flu?
AR, just throw it back. I’ll see if I can catch it in return. 8)
Manda, no not bird flu, bird FU! 8)
I hear Carmen Miranda and then I think of Bugs Bunny dressed up like Carmen Miranda. Equally helpful image for a candidate!
*runs into Snark Lounge*
Whew! Insane day! I have nothing of value to add today, but I missed you lunatics.
Hi Moira! Glad you’ve come back!
Ok – handing out doors and going to bed. In that order.
*sigh*
I have missed about 100 posts and missed ya’ll far more. But work continues busy and I probably won’t be able to frequent for a while.
In other news, mead is in bottles – both plain and blackberry. Peach has been abandoned. Ginger-orange is in the primary fermentation bucket.
I’m thinking green tea-hibiscus for the next batch, perhaps, unless something better strikes me or I get a specific request that sounds intriguing and fun.
Tankerbell, the gardener in white, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Texafornia!
I think I’m overqualified for this position…