YSaC, Vol. 1182: Making the grandest entrance …

2012 February 7

Free bear paint and tile!!! must pick up asap


Free bear paint..about 3 gals of white and 2 gals of brown.. call xxx.xxx.xxxx

Image from http://animal.discovery.com/tv/bears/pictures/brown-bear-pictures.html

I think we’re going to need more white.

Thanks, Windrose!

80 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 February 7
    Mike permalink

    ASAP! The bears are getting hungry, and they didn’t like it when I checked if they’re gals or guys.
    Pick them up before they paint the tiles with my blood.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 7
      Angel permalink

      Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 7

      BooBoo (sniffing paint thinner): Mr. Ranger isn’t going to like this, dude.

      Adores: 5
  2. 2012 February 7

    :scene one – the happy little painter is standing in the meadow:

    HappyPainter: As you see here, vee half zee happy little mountains, zee happy little mountains..

    :HP loads paint onto brush, and begins painting on canvas:

    HappyPainter: And now we paint zee happy little mountains, and zee happy little clouds..and dere’s zee happy little bea—–

    :scene two – moments later:

    HappyLittleBear: BURRRRRRRRRRPP!!

    Adores: 10
  3. 2012 February 7

    Does a bear paint in the woods?

    Adores: 11
    • 2012 February 7

      Where else is he gonna do it?!

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 7

        Well, since there’s tile involved I thought maybe the bathroom.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 7
          Lola permalink

          Or kitchen.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 7
          CapnMac permalink

          Or around the piazza del fontana in one’s villa, if it were orso Italitano

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 7
          mud "" slicker permalink

          You’re the man who would know the ins and outs of tile, Hammy.

          *grout another room*

          😀

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 7
      Brer Fox permalink

      No silly puppy, bears paint in coveralls.

      Adores: 3
  4. 2012 February 7
    valarie permalink

    Goldilocks said, “This brown paint is too dark, this white paint is too light”.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 7

      And Martin Luther King Jr. said, “I have a dream.”

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 7
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Mix them together and it will be just right.

      Adores: 3
  5. 2012 February 7

    But I was planning to do my bear in tasteful yet elegant green velvet upholstery.

    [Corey]I’m guessing that Sparky means Behr paint.[/Corey]

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 February 7
      Lou Stool permalink

      I had to read this ad ten times to figure that one out. *cough* and I’m a professional painter *cough* “Ooooooooh! He means BEHR!”

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 February 7
        CapnMac permalink

        Which would be doubly funny if the cans read “Sherwin Williams” or “Benjamin Moore” . . . heaven help us had Sparky had to sort out speelingk “Zin” paint.

        I just trolled through some web-searching to see if “Behr” is other than a proper noun, to no great definitive end.

        Ursine fauna go by several names elsewhere–
        Björn in Sweden & Iceland; bjørn in Norway; karhu in Suomi; in Germany it is Bär (pronounced as “bayer”).
        Most confusingly, our amis Français use “ours” and in the Netherlands they spell it “beer”

        Ymmm, 11 liters of weissbier and 7½ liters braunbier . . . tasty!

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 7
          Rabbit Roulette permalink

          I need to remember karhu. I have numerous male lionhead rabbits all named “bear” in various languages. Because they look like little teddy bears, naturally.

          Adores: 0
  6. 2012 February 7
    camille permalink

    Tiny bear dog says, “Paint me at your peril. And don’t even think about tiling me.”

    Adores: 7
  7. 2012 February 7

    “My, what an … interesting wall treatment you have!”

    “Do you like it? I have to feed it steak three times a week and comb for ticks on occasion, but you just can’t beat real bear paint! We had some trouble at first when it kept trying to eat the dog, but now that we keep the A/C turned up high it sleeps most of the time. And the fur’s actually gotten thicker since the house has gotten colder – just feel that pelt!”

    “No, I’m good.”

    “Let me show you the bear tile I put up in the bathroom.”

    “You know, I think I left my stove on. I should go.”

    Adores: 22
    • 2012 February 7
      One Moving Violation permalink

      I painted the back of my El Camino with bear paint.
      It was really cool. Chicks dig that.

      (or so I thought back then)

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 7
        CapnMac permalink

        Ok, admit it, you were a young lad with an el Camino–you were perfectly willing to trade a good milking cow for “bare paint” if that worked on the chix–especially the one in painted-on jeans.

        O the folly which is youth, and doubly so for male youth.

        Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 7
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Your first mistake was having an El Camino.

        Second mistake was that chicks DON’T dig DIY painted cars if you’re using dad’s exterior house brush and the leftover paint from the new nursery.

        Adores: 5
  8. 2012 February 7

    I’d buy that paint, but I was told by my mother that the interior of my house was unbearable.

    Adores: 11
    • 2012 February 7
      valarie permalink

      ba-dump-bump!

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 7
        CapnMac permalink

        Per Rita Rudner, all bachelor men are bears.
        After all, they live in caves–
        Dirt on the floors,
        Food on the walls . . .

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 7
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          They sleep for months on end, they can suck down an entire ham in one sitting….

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 7
          valarie permalink

          They do know how to select toilet paper, in their defense. “Doesn’t leave pieces behind”
          (snicker…bare/bear/behr behind)

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 7
          kelli permalink

          Val, those commercial both me for many reasons. The mother is obsessed with her children’s buttocks to the point where she regularly inspects them. The family started in the woods, but somehow they have obtained a house. They have also learned how to play video games and now they routinely walk upright.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 7
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Charmin Bears: “Steal ALL the couch cushions!”

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 7
          Kaziganthi permalink

          I know several families that started in the woods and now have a house…

          Most of the m walk upright too.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 7
          Kaziganthi permalink

          ?? ‘The m”

          pushes ‘m’ back to ‘the’

          ‘them’

          Sound like a bit from ‘Between the Lions’

          Adores: 1
  9. 2012 February 7

    *tearing up* You like it! You really like it! I know it’s too soon for a Windrose tag, but at least I’m in the running. 8)

    Adores: 5
  10. 2012 February 7
    kelli permalink

    Is this bear paint safe for pandas?

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 7
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Only if painted on black velvet. Green will not do.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 7
      CapnMac permalink

      Or koalas?

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 February 7
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Now don’t be gettin’ all ‘supial on us now!

        Adores: 1
  11. 2012 February 7
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Bears: not just for rugs anymore.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 February 7
      Lola permalink

      *thinks about bearskin rug cliches*
      *thinks about bare bear on the wall*

      *corner*

      And on my first read-through of the day, no less. Thanks, IF!
      PS: Is “Bear on the Wall” your gay Pink Floyd cover band?

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 7
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        We play all the finest classic rocked-oriented gay bars of the Upper Midwest.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 7
          Kaziganthi permalink

          At first, I read that as ‘gay bears of the Upper Midwest’…
          Definitely changes the meaning.

          Adores: 0
  12. 2012 February 7
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    My ex had bear/behr/bare walls in his apartment, but it was a whole different thing. I didn’t know this was an option. Would have been an improvement.

    Nah, maybe not.

    Adores: 5
  13. 2012 February 7
    LimeLolly permalink

    Any bear that paints and tiles for free has hibernation brain. At least ask for a raid through the refridgerator.

    Oh, now I see why Sparky is willing to give the bear away.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 7
      kelli permalink

      LL, I know you probably misspelled it on purpose, but it is refrigerator. My mother would often add the letter d to words (ie colledge) and when I see others do it, I am both irked and amused.

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 February 7
        LimeLolly permalink

        Dang it.

        Would you believe, that is one of the few words I ‘always’ spell wrong. I don’t know why, either.

        Normally, I’m an excellent… excellent speller. An excellent speller. Gotta watch Wapner. Kmart sucks.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 7
          One Moving Violation permalink

          That’s because it’s “fridge” for short.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 7
          Windrose permalink

          Best to just say, The Frigidaire.

          Adores: 1
  14. 2012 February 7
    Lola permalink

    Does anyone else really like this picture, too? I love it for some reason. I don’t know if it’s the background, or the bear’s tongue, or both.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 7

      It’s the tongue, it looks like it is blowing the camera a raspberry.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 7

        I thought it was thinking, “That photographer would be delicious with béarnaise sauce.”

        Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 7
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I think it’s wanting his toenails painted. Some sort of French manure application.

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 7
      valarie permalink

      Yes, he (or she…I can’t tell with bears from this end) has a “cat that’s just eaten a canary” sort of look.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 7
        Angel permalink

        Or a “bear that’s just eaten Ranger Smith” sort of look.
        And yeah, Lola, it IS a cutie-bear!

        Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 7
      One Moving Violation permalink

      The best bear pictures are taken with kodiak film.

      Adores: 13
      • 2012 February 7
        camille permalink

        Except for polar bears. For them, you need Polaroid.

        Adores: 12
        • 2012 February 7
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          And for pooh bears – A Honeywell works mighty fine.

          Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 7
        CapnMac permalink

        The best behr pichers are taken with kodiak film.

        FIFY

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 7
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Thank you, spell chequre doesn’t work on this phone.

          Adores: 1
  15. 2012 February 7
    valarie permalink

    I love the truly descriptive nature of the paints: brown, white. I’m also wondering, do we just get a single tile? What color? What can I make with 5 gallons of paint and a single tile? If only I’d invested in the great American sponge, I’d have something with which to apply brown& white.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 7
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Remember, with bear paint, or for that matter, any fur bearing paint, your brush strokes must be in the same direction for the paint to have an unmatted texture and a pleasing aesthetic appearance. The exception to this is guinea pig paint.

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 February 7

        Sometimes you *bear* an uncanny resemblance to one freaky puppy.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 7
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Well, with all of the creatures that ever lived, each one unique, some of us would have to be wierdos.
          Good thing we’re mostly harmless.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 7
          Llama Derp permalink

          We will refrain from rubbing your tummy now.

          Adores: 0
  16. 2012 February 7
    Brer Fox permalink

    At least it isn’t faux paint.

    *shudder*

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 7
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Does Shep Smith come over and commentate if you buy that?

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 February 7
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Right after he gets his eyebrows tweezed.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 7
          Bombdude permalink

          Tweezed or threaded?

          Adores: 0
  17. 2012 February 7
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    Heh. Behr makes stain, too.

    *snort* Bear stain. Heh heh.

    EDIT: Bernenstain Bear stains?

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 7
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      If they don’t get out of the road in time when Dave Crockett’s monster truck is rollin’ down the road, then yeah. Bear stains.

      Adores: 2
  18. 2012 February 7
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I don’t think I’m strong enough to pick up one bear, let alone 3 white (polar) and 2 brown. I also don’t think they take kindly to being painted.

    Adores: 1
  19. 2012 February 7
    Ralph permalink

    Tiles are for wildebeest, not bears — a typical gnu is a tiler too.

    Is bear paint anything like zebra paint?

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 February 7
      camille permalink

      Infinite doors for “a typical gnu is a tiler too.”

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 7
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Doors within doors.

      Adores: 1
  20. 2012 February 7
    CraigsLister permalink

    I likes the 3 white gals.

    corner?
    what fer?

    Adores: 6
  21. 2012 February 7
    Astro permalink

    I was aware that horses are shipped off to be turned into glue when their time comes, but, well, until now, I had no idea that this is what Ranger Smith did to poor Yogi and Boo-Boo.

    Adores: 4
  22. 2012 February 7
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Seriously[not-a-corey]To tell the difference between a brown bear and a grizzly bear is easy.
    The brown bear is of a medium size with a brown coat.
    Brown bears can be scared away by utilizing pepper spray or a loud whistle.
    Brown bear droppings may have pieces of roots and berries in them.
    Grizzly bears are slightly larger.
    Grizzly bear droppings may contain whistles and may smell like pepper spray.
    Seriously[not-a-corey]

    Adores: 1

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