YSaC, Vol. 1193: I fish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner …

2012 February 22

Well, this seems to have accidentally turned into Art Week here at You Suck at Craigslist. Let’s see if we can keep that going for one more day.

ink and paper to be commissioned


Title:Matthew Chapter 5 verses 20- 30 or Mark Chapter 9 verses 20- 40 performed at the Doctors office or either way.
this is going to be a drawing of a situation where a person is asked enter a mental hospital and uses a pen infront of a state doctor in a creative way
The scene actually went down something like this, imagine the scene from ‘one flew over the cuckoo’s nest’ when Jack Nicholsons character is being interviewed by the shrink for admittance (now Jack wants to go there instead of Jail) now imagine taking the ‘Dr’s pen’ the doctor is asking you to admit yourself saying you are getting admitted irregardless and taking that pen and stabbing out your right eyeball, (infront of a ‘medical professional’) and some ‘goons’ burst through the door with needles and stab the body (not in the eyeball) then getting locked up for about 1 year and there is this nurse like nurse ratchet only named ‘ickball’ who persistantly asks if you are cheecking your med’s sweeping under the rug the amazing miracle. This occured November 1994a.d. at Woodburn mental health faculty in Fairfax Va.

Title:They put me away for danger to myself and they suggust that I take a danger job.
this is going to be a drawing of the emotions I experience having to interact with the people I interact with basically looney toons actual

Title:They are not allowed to sell me a rifle and they suggust I join the military
this is going to be a drawing of the emotions I experience having to interact with the people I interact with basically looney toons actual

Title: Mark 9, The scene from Mad Max when he(Mel) gives the “Adam Ant” guy a chance to ssave his skin by cutting off his foot with a hacksaw
in my drawing, cordless fully charged 18volt reciprocating saw is used with a wood/metal saw blade and the saw is reciprocating blade to the flesh full speed (at the ankle bone and the arm bone) and the capenters term for a reciprocating saw is ‘sawzall why? because it saws all’ said Jerry

Title:If my weiner were a fish-head

Title:I only asked her to lunch
this going to be a picture likened to a scene where from scary movie 4 when the key is placed behind the blond girls eyeball

Title: God I’d rather be snowboarding
A happy scene of me snowboarding with my beautiful girlfriend or better

Title: Boring drill
twisted use of a dewalt 18 volt cordless drill with a self tapping metal mechanical fastner installed in the drill chuck, drill, God makes good eyeballs You know they had me wearing glasses as a three year and emphasized eyeball safety even had me disect a lamb eyeball in biology lab class

Title:Tongue and cheek
a person who cross cuts through thier tongue with a barbeque fork and carving knife and get miracled back together

Title:No you don’t have a warrant have a nice night, why are you entering my house against my wishes
after a long day of work the police take me away soo sad

Title:Breakfast with Patty on the Lanai
an attempt to capture the wonderful emotions I have when having breakfast with my girlfriend the only redeeming grace of a sad intervention

Title:My girlfriend and I boogie boarding big smile on my face
me happy in the wavy water with my girlfriend

these events actually occurred, life like saints row video game, go to [unrelated website] to see other craigslist posting makes you think, also did not go on a smear campaign for support groups (check with Keeyly) golden rule, alive posted awhile back. trees, lightning, truthing. Who? Art in heaven : D
Email for further information I have a drawing already posted titled ink and paper

This may be the most literal use of the Ow! My eyes! tag we’ve ever had. I think I can safely say that I really don’t want to see any of these drawings. (Well, okay, maybe the “If my weiner were a fish-head” one.)

Both atomic.cate and richtbreak are responsible for adding this to my nightmares. Thanks, guys!

105 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 February 21
    Tankerbell permalink

    Why is there a new YSaC post right now? Wait… is it tomorrow? Is it my birthday? Am I dreaming? Woooo Hoooo!!!!

    And I checked with Keeyly. She said Sparky’s a froot loop. In other news: the sun is warm.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 February 21
      Kaziganthi permalink

      Apparently it is you and me Tankerbell, you and me!

      drmk musta put this up special for, just for us!

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 21
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        What manner of witchcraft is this?

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 22

          Forsooth this tomfoolery be the work of Internet Gremlins!

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 22

          Stupid ninjas.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 22
          Brer Fox permalink

          If she weighs the same as a duck, then she’s a witch.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 22
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      Yes, it’s tomorrow. Time to put on your skinny jeans.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 22
        Windrose permalink

        I wanted to get the skinny genes, but alas my sister got all we had.

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 22

      Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow. Not even a day away.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 22
      CapnMac permalink

      No, the Sun is a Burning Ball of Hydrogen.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 22
        Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

        ….and some junk.

        Adores: 1
  2. 2012 February 21
    Tankerbell permalink

    Title: God I’d rather be snowboarding
    A happy scene of me snowboarding with my beautiful girlfriend or better

    “my beautiful girlfriend or better”. Hmm. What would be better than a beautiful girlfriend? I’m thinking RuPAUL!!!! A beautiful girlfriend, with a bonus!

    Adores: 10
  3. 2012 February 21
    Kaziganthi permalink

    Somebody needs way more than an intervention!

    I think somebody is off their meds! And if you are reading what I am reading then it’s not me!

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 22
      valarie permalink

      We’ll fix this poor sap up once we evaluate and get an ICD-9 status, then see what his HMO will pay for.

      Adores: 4
  4. 2012 February 22
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    If my wiener were a fish head is my King Missile/Phish crossover group.

    Adores: 10
  5. 2012 February 22

    Wiener fish-head has premature issues…

    Adores: 4
  6. 2012 February 22


    If my weiner were a fish-head
    Rubby ducky tubby dibby dibby diddle dibby dum.
    All day long I’d liddle fiddy bum.
    If I were a fish-head man.
    It would be a hard on to work.
    Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
    If I were a biddy biddy fish,
    Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle head man.

    Adores: 15
    • 2012 February 22

      Check out the spread in the corner. They’ve got sushi, salmon, salade niçoise ….

      Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 22
      valarie permalink

      Why the pecil references 2 days in a row? Fish wieners, one-eyed robots, grumble grumble.
      Oh, I get it, we did “rack” references a few days ago.

      Is there a bottle of aspirin in the corner?

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 February 22

        Pecil is a long standing YSaC tradition. We hardly need an excuse to bring it up.

        Hehe, bring it up.

        I’ll be in the corner.

        Adores: 12
        • 2012 February 22
          valarie permalink

          Long-standing…hehehe. Put my bowl over there with some coffee-flavored fish flakes.

          Adores: 10
  7. 2012 February 22
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Title: If only you realized you were a Loony Toon.
    This would be a scene where Dr. Scratchnsniff gives you an inkblot test and he shows you an inkblot and you say it looks like standard pattern #5 in the rorchach series to test excessive compulsiveness. and there is this nurse and she is like Hello Nurse! but her name is really dot. And Elmer Fudd joins the military because he has a gun. and he says Be vewy quiet, bacon twacks huhuhuhu.
    And Porky shows the three blind mice how to look in a mirror and see what they saw.And this will be done on green velvet with pink fingernail polish.

    Title: You are nuttier than a squirrel turd.

    Adores: 18
  8. 2012 February 22
    One Moving Violation permalink

    “Irregardless”

    You should find a problem with this regardless of any other issues.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 22
      valarie permalink

      Yay! That, oddly, was the first thing that jumped out at me. It must come from correcting my baby fish’s homework.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 22
        camille permalink

        Do baby fishes come from fish-head shaped… never mind.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 22
          valarie permalink

          I’ll explain where baby fishes come from later.

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 February 22
          Brer Fox permalink

          Baby fishes come from baby fish bowls.

          Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 22

        I thought baby fish were always in school.

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 22
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          I thought baby fish come from that little can I open up with a key.

          Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 22

      Supposably Websters is considering making it a word.

      *runs away*

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 22
        valarie permalink

        I have no faith in anything anymore. *whimper*

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 22
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I think he prefers to be called Supposably Websters III.

          Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 22
      Tankerbell permalink

      Valarie, thank you for helping me realize I’m not as crazy as Sparky. Because as much as the whole dismemberment and defenestration theme bothered me, what really made me want to put Sparky in four-point restraints and forcibly medicate him was his use of “irregardless”.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 22
        valarie permalink

        You’re welcome. There is crazy brilliance and crazy stupid. Unfortunately the latter is growing in a mad Fibonacci spiral.

        Adores: 4
  9. 2012 February 22
    One Moving Violation permalink

    This post would make more sense if it was completely blank.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 22
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Not to mention the fact that it would have more artistic merit.

      Adores: 7
  10. 2012 February 22
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Is that a fish head in your pants or are you just feeling gill-ty you haven’t kelped me with this sucker?

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 22
      camille permalink

      I thought about replying with a fish pun, just for the halibut, but I couldn’t think of one worth herring.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 22

        Yeah, I couldn’t bream myself to do it either.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 22
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          Don’t forget to tuna in next week for the outcome of Sparky’s post, his masterpiece:- “Carp Dick-um: Seize the Fish Weiner”. A Sparky/Salmon Rushdie joint venture.

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 22
        Tankerbell permalink

        Well, the net result is, it’s making me eel.

        Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 22
        Tankerbell permalink

        And Lo! Spice Christ said unto them, “one shall come among you who is seriously jacked up, and he will be as a warning unto you, that he who taketh acid in large quantities shall not perish from the earth, but shall become massively creepifying. And verbose.”.
        So sayeth the Lord. And the Snarkers were sore afraid lest he of whom Spice Christ spoke should acquire firearms.

        Edit: whoa! This is spozedta be way down after capn’s comment about the bible verses.

        Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 22

      Oh, my cod! You’re just baiting us now.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 22
        Brer Fox permalink

        We’re trying to get you hooked.

        Adores: 2
  11. 2012 February 22
    Brer Fox permalink

    Title: A mind is a terrible thing.

    This is your brain…._______
    This is your brain without meds(please see your post above)

    Adores: 3
  12. 2012 February 22

    Whyyyy did this happen? And since when was Mad Max “real life”? Oh this was not what I needed to think of or see before bed.

    Night all! Nightmares forever!

    Adores: 3
  13. 2012 February 22
    LimeLolly permalink

    Hmm. Somebody posted a page from their dairy diary.

    Or, it could have been from their dairy.
    Who knows what cows are thinking about when they are just hanging out in the barn.

    Adores: 11
    • 2012 February 22
      Brer Fox permalink

      It’s not a diary, it’s a journal.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 22
        CapnMac permalink

        Clearly a broken journal, as it is not holding Spark’s bearings in their race.

        Adores: 1
  14. 2012 February 22

    Title: Whiskey.Tango.Foxtrot.

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 February 22
      LimeLolly permalink

      How do you paint that?

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 22
      Brer Fox permalink

      Foxes don’t whiskey.
      Foxes don’t tango.
      Foxes don’t get the trots.
      Foxes do the funky chicken.
      Mmmmmm chicken.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 22

        Foxes do the funky chicken.

        So THAT’S why they’re always trying to get into the hen house! I never imagined it was really a booty call.

        I’ll be in the corner.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 22

          Let me guess what thier offspring say instead of, “cluck.”

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 22
          Brer Fox permalink

          Yes, we do snuff films, but without the film.

          I’ll be in the corner, having some tuck.

          Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 22
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        As long as they don’t do the funky monkey.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 22
          Jen permalink

          Or, worse, the blue monkey.

          Adores: 1
  15. 2012 February 22

    …and so “Chief” reveals what he really thinks after uttering his first words – ‘JuicyFruit’…

    Adores: 4
  16. 2012 February 22
    Ralph permalink

    Sparky doesn’t understand the difference between “to be commissioned” and “to be committed.”

    So Sparky took a half a ton of brainfarts, put it in the middle of a craigslist ad, took sawzalls and drills and implements of destruction, and headed on toward the mental health “faculty.”

    Because, y’know, ink jars.

    Adores: 8
  17. 2012 February 22
    valarie permalink

    And this, ladies and gentleman, is why God made Thorazine and lithium.

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 February 22

      Dow-Corning only plays God.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 22
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Dow-Corning makes Pam!!!!

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 22
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          And Pam’s mom!

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 22
          CapnMac permalink

          Are you two suggesting that both Pam and her mom are “on the make”?

          (Wondering now about what sort of Wiki article will be required to explain to the youth just what the now outmoded concept of “on the make” would be. And in a terse enough manner that would explain the humor of the parade float in Animal House reading “When Better Women are Made, Faber Men will make them.”)

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 22
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      Are Thorazine and lithium thought contraceptives?

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 22
        valarie permalink

        Just thoughts about fish-headed male members.

        And on an ADHD tangent, is it odd I still worry about Michael, the little gay fish?

        Adores: 8
        • 2012 February 22

          Well, your gravatar IS kind of a constant reminder… don’t worry, he and the other bettas got together and made a Pride Day Float 😀

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 22
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          I hope his owner isn’t mean to him. Bullies and haters suck!

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 22
          CapnMac permalink

          Do you make a pride day float with Neapolitan ice cream?

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 22

          Around here I think it’s Napolio… Nappolleyon… Napoleyan… that short guy.

          Adores: 0
      • 2012 February 22
        Dretak permalink

        Thorazine = old-fashioned antipsychotic
        Lithium = still in-use and highly effective mood stabilizer
        Sparky = psychotic, possibly manic and has a history of hospitalization and possibly violence
        Dr. Etak says, go see your shrink ASAP!!!!

        Adores: 3
  18. 2012 February 22

    They should hire this guy to write a movie script. Because let’s be honest, this post alone contains more original ideas than Hollywood has had in the last decade.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 22

      And we hereby prove the theory that originality is not always a good thing.

      Adores: 11
      • 2012 February 22
        valarie permalink

        Originality brought us skull-Odin. And The monstrosity that was yesterday’s Freudian art.
        But one man’s trash is truly another man’s compost.

        Adores: 5
  19. 2012 February 22
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Who uses a wood/metal saw blade on a foot? Idiot.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 February 22

      I know, right? I would have gone with a masonry blade.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 February 22
        CapnMac permalink

        Bimetalic demolition blade; EoT.

        Adores: 1
  20. 2012 February 22

    Oh, sorry! I seem to have spilled ink all over your paper! It’s so much better this way.

    Adores: 1
  21. 2012 February 22

    Dave is back in the box with the ferret tribe. Sure hope Not-a left the lid down on the facilities.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 22
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      And I wiped the seatie too.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 22
        Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

        Youse can call me [censored].

        Adores: 2
  22. 2012 February 22

    Sweet Clothespin Jeebus. I guess I can forget about that sleep I was planning on having ever again.

    Adores: 9
  23. 2012 February 22
    Rabbit Roulette permalink

    Psycho-Sparky has a real thing going on with eyeballs and power tools. Maybe instead of mangling his eyes he should finish mangling his brain, and put us out of his misery. Eye-yi-yi, this guy has some serious screws loose. How on earth, or any level of hell, did he manage to get a girlfriend? Or is she part of the hallucinations?

    Um, what is the going rate on the pun jar around here, anyway? Can we pay in jellybeans?

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 22
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      I don’t know, they’re pretty strict about that crap around here. You wouldn’t BELIEVE the butt chewing I got for trying to put magic beans in the cussin’ jar. Gawd!

      Adores: 3
  24. 2012 February 22
    Brer Fox permalink

    What’s with all of the aye, balls?
    Ayes yesterday, aye balls today.
    Aye, ball safety, even.

    Spell check my butt!
    What I need a chequre on is:
    Sin tacks
    con techs
    and that old gray mare.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 22
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      Eye no, write?

      Actually, “Ball Safety” was one of the orientation videoes I had to watch before my first time in the baux.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 22
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Ball Safety is IF’s AC-DC polka music cover band.

        Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 22

          Swing your partner to the left and to the right!

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 22
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Don’t tempt me.

          I own an accordion. And I know at least one other person here who does as well…

          Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 22
          Windrose permalink

          We’d be transgressing the unwritten law! Hayseed-Dixie has the blue grass polka AC-DC market sewn up.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 22
          valarie permalink

          Please…I was forced to polka dance as a child in a heavily sequined vest and ribbony skirt. I’m having flashbacks of PolkaFests now. :'(

          Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 22
        valarie permalink

        Lucky monkey! I got “Don’t Pick at That Scab”
        (Hey…this was supposed to go near the Monkey’s training film comment. I call foul ball!)

        Adores: 2
  25. 2012 February 22
    mud "" slicker permalink

    “……and THAT* your Honor is how I was mistakenly admitted to Ward-B4 and have been here going on fifteen years now…”

    *it was all fun and games until somebody got admitted

    p.s.: In honor of the first day of Lent, I’m so glad this post referenced fish!!!

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 22
      Windrose permalink

      Oh, right! Cheap filet o’ fish at Micky-D’s!

      Adores: 0
  26. 2012 February 22
    Bombdude permalink

    Hey!!! Who’s been in my room, reading my diary!?!?!

    (Even my “Recommended for you/Other snark you might like” box has nuttin’)

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 22
      mud "" slicker permalink

      I thought people like you created Manifestos…not Diaries.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 22
        Bombdude permalink

        Well, you see…

        [corey] A Manifesto is something you expect other people to read, whereas a diary you expect to keep private and not have a bunch of [censored] stomping around in![/corey]

        It is possible to have both 😉 I, in point of fact, have neither. I have Facebook!!

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 22
          mud "" slicker permalink

          I love a good manifesto just chock full of innuendo.

          😀

          Bd, you forgot the part about the crazy person who lives in the woods in Montana and randomly blows people up via the USPS.

          I bet he wasn’t bothering with no stinking diary….

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 22
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          I’m cornfused. I thought Manifesto was Simba’s dad. You know, from The Lion King.

          Adores: 1
  27. 2012 February 22
    Brer Fox permalink

    This is going to be a drawing of my emotion that my eyes experience having to interact with the words that are coming out of your mind which is loony tunes actually.

    Title: Why haven’t you been charged with a feloony?

    Adores: 5
  28. 2012 February 22
    CapnMac permalink

    Ok, I had to go look to be sure . . .
    Mark 9:20-40
    Well, that seems to explain how Spark wound up in parental care.

    Matt 5:30-30
    And that is probably when the restraints were first used . . .
    (APA seeming to support Bodmods only if an external, trained, persons actually execute the changes.)

    Adores: 2
  29. 2012 February 22
    Burton Frank permalink

    I was actually going to accept his commission for the Mark 9 one, but the power tools in my drawings have constant battery problems. Maybe he’d take a discount if the charge level was at 90% or so?

    Adores: 2
  30. 2012 February 23
    Windrose permalink

    Dave, I love what you and the ferret tribe have done to the box. Stunning! Amazing! Fragrant! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Little River!

    Adores: 0

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