The 8 suckiest Craigslist ads …

You Suck at Craigslist is devoted to bringing you the very best of the worst of Craigslist ads. Want to see well-written, funny Craigslist ads? Go to the Best of Craigslist page. Want to see the weird, odd, and inexplicable ads? Welcome!

Here’s a small sample of our favorite posts, in order of appearance, from the more than 700 entries on You Suck at Craigslist so far. Enjoy! If you find Craigslist ads that you think are worthy of inclusion, please send them to us at yousuckatcraigslist@gmail.com!


1. YSaC, Vol. CXXIV: The Table

the table


here is picture of table

It’s the zen-like brevity that makes this. I hear the resonance of the universe in this post and in this table. I want to be one with the table. I want to drape myself across the table and join the table in its table-bliss.

After all, it is THE table. It is the UR-table. It is the Platonic ideal of tableness. And all of this comes across in a mere seven words.

I don’t even think the table is actually for sale. I think the table just wanted to share itself with the world.

Submitted by CP — thanks!


2. YSaC, Vol. CXXI: Nacho Ordinary Fountain

****Nacho Cheese Fountain****


Okay, wait. Stop right there. Does this really sound like a good idea to anyone? Those three words should NOT be strung together (in any order) under any circumstances I can think of.

Let’s see how badly this is going to end …

****Nacho Cheese Fountain****


This is still in perfect working order. I bought it for a party a couple years ago, but it has just been collecting dust in my cupboard since. All you do is add cheese to the bottom saucer, plug it in, and wait about 10mins. Your guests will have flowing nacho cheese the whole night. YUMMY!

It’s even worse than I thought. That’s just … wow.

And the phrase “flowing nacho cheese” really didn’t need to enter my consciousness.


3. YSaC, Vol. 291: No, seriously. What. The. Hell.

This post contains eight incredibly bizarre pictures of a NSFW coffee table. No, really. You have been warned.

Bronze Lady Coffee Table – PICTURES


You are looking at a Bronze-Lady coffee table. The table itself is shaped as a naked lady made of bronze material, as seen in the pictures below. Face is covered with tape for protection. Glass is round and 1 inch thick. Overall wieght is 200 pounds. This piece is in excellent condition with no broken pieces. Looking for BEST OFFER OVER $1,500

For questions and inquiries about the price email me here: xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com

Oh, I have questions, all right. How much time do you have? Because I have questions.

  1. First of all — what the hell?
  2. Why are there bottles of nail polish, a TV remote, some kind of videogame controller, and what looks like a jar of Noxema near this naked bronze lady’s ass?
  3. OMG, and an open container of vaseline. No really, look at picture 3. (Click on the picture for a larger version.)
  4. While you’re looking at picture 3, please notice that the bronze lady is wearing a black sock — and WTF is the reflection of the face just above her foot?
  5. Picture #4 — now I know what the view looks like when you’re giving someone a brazilian wax.
  6. What is that thing on her stomach?
  7. Picture #6 — WHY IS HER FACE COVERED IN TAPE? That’s really disturbing.
  8. Picture #7 — you couldn’t have cleared the crap off the table before taking pictures, could you? At least wipe up the cocaine residue, for heaven’s sake.
  9. No, really — what the hell?

Thanks for the nightmares, Kerrin.


4. YSaC, Vol. 308: Let me tell ya about the birds and the …

selling ford truck – $1200


$1200 obo this has been a good truck for me but i have to sell it because i cant ever get to it with all of the bees around it they have been in and around it for almost 2 months now and i havent been able to get near 5 feet or else i get stung and im sick of it i still have welts from months ago stingings and i cant even get to work because i cant get to my truck so i have to sell it test drives at ur own risk i cant go with you too many bees

308

Sara and Geoff both sent this one in. Sara points out that apparently bee stings cause a lack of punctuation.

I really … just … wow. If anyone has always wanted a truck that has had thousands of bees living in it for months, here’s your opportunity.


More awful Craigslist ads ->

18 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 July 12

    Loved that nacho cheese fountain. If I was getting married, I’d register on Craig’s List.

    Adores: 12
  2. 2010 August 31
    Drea permalink

    Honestly, I would be all over that truck. Being the nature-lover that I am, I think a bottle of bee/wasp spray and a good bee-proof outfit would provide pretty much hours of entertainment. Or maybe just . . erect a really big tent around it and set off a bomb, or make a fire and smoke them to sleep, then let the dog eat them? I don’t know, but this guy’s creative genius is equal to his bravery and mad grammar skills.

    Adores: 18
    • 2012 May 13
      Underwood permalink

      Nature lover and bug killer and bombs and feeding bees to dogs
      Hmmm, doesn’t sound like a nature lover.

      Adores: 4
  3. 2011 March 31
    lala permalink

    I don’t understand the issue with number 2. Have you honestly never heard of fondue? What is so disturbing about melted cheese?
    The rest were pretty hilarious, would be cool if you replaced 2 with something that made more, or rather less, sense.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 March 31

      The difference between “fondue pot” and “cheese fountain” is measured in tattoos, wife beaters, and tangible expressions of fondness for NASCAR.

      Adores: 25
      • 2011 March 31
        AlbondigasAlchemist permalink

        Also measured in “chunky, curdled cheese waterfall”.

        Adores: 16
  4. 2011 April 16
    Andrea permalink

    I have no beef with the nacho cheese fountain, per se. But the reason this craigslist ad fails so miserably is a direct result of combining the word imagery of “flowing nacho cheese” with “collecting dust in my cupboard.” This unfortunate word association could so easily have been avoided with the editorial services of a craiglist wordsmyth. These professionals are not only affordable but are easy to procure, as we can be found on craigslist.

    So next time, before you craft your craigslist ad, please consider using the services of a licensed, credentialed, professional and union card-carrying member of CL-WGA.

    You may also wish to consider using a photographer from GL-ICG to better showcase your item, as the nacho cheese in this particular ad looked particularly lumpy and had an unhealthy hue.

    Adores: 13
  5. 2011 October 13
    Joy permalink

    Can someone PLEASE lead me to the It’s, ya know, Ninjas post? I can’t find it or figure out how to find it. Oh good grief. I’m beginning to sound like a YSaC entry. Just help me find it and I’ll shudup about it. Thanks.

    Adores: 1
  6. 2012 March 20
    TurtleDove permalink

    /the chucked up cheese fountain reminds me of my previous flirtation with a career in nursing and the very reason I decided against it AND
    /i too will be having recurring nightmares for at least 3 weeks over the bronze lady. Looks like something ted bundy may be interested in.

    Adores: 2
  7. 2012 August 14
    Duck permalink

    I hate bad grammar/not even knowing what you have… here is an example..

    I got about 50 railroad tides some are in God shape and others aren’t if you’re interested. Field free to call me whit any question 720-555-5555 tk

    (Phone number changed to protect the ignorant)

    Location: Denver

    Adores: 1
  8. 2013 May 19

    Did you notice that NSFW table, there’s a sock on one of the feet. What?

    Adores: 0
  9. 2013 June 18

    Everything is very open with a clear clarification of the challenges.
    It was truly informative. Your website is very helpful.

    Thank you for sharing!

    Adores: 0
  10. 2013 June 24
    Jon H permalink

    The thing on the table-lady’s stomach looks like some kind of projector, like to put stars on the ceiling above the table, or something like that.

    Adores: 0
  11. 2013 December 1
    JackCole permalink

    i would buy that table! it’s actually pretty nice in a perverted sort of way. but why in the hell does have all that trash all over it? are they actually planning to sell it or what?

    Adores: 0

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