YSaC, Vol. CLXXXVII
Sometimes ads aren’t written quite as well as they could (or should) be. I’ll reserve my rant about the decline of literacy in the US, and instead present you with a couple of case studies. See if you can identify the problems in these posts. You’ll have to look carefully — they’re subtle.*
SOFA Meoooow Leopard Print – $350
Leopard print sofa in really good condition, very comfortable too sit on and is one of a kind. Comes with 4 new toss pillow’s.Has wheel’s in the feet so it’s easy too move around to vacuum under. Look’s new in brown’s and earth tones.
350.00 cash at pick up
Did you find the problem? The correct answer is that leopards do not, in fact, say Meoooow. I would have also accepted that the sofa itself is really ugly. I do know where one could find accessories that would complement it, though.
But you know what would really tie the room together? These:
Gerraff Picture – $60 (Lansing/East Lansing)
A picture with a baby Gerraff next momma Gerraff. A very cute picture! It’s in GREAT condition and looks great on the walls. Asking for $60 dollars.
Did you find the problem here? That’s right, there’s a mismatch between a singular subject and a plural object. One picture cannot look great on multiple walls; it can only look GREAT on one wall.
Let’s try another. This one exhibits another common problem:
2 girls vanity tables with tilting mirror and stool,solid oak, – $125
store closing left over inventory ,vanity table retails for $350 ,now selling for $125 brand new ,will send picture in e mail just ask ,available at my home in [location],will work for a growing girl,all the way to college ,these are not setup toddler style, they are for a pre teen ,all the way to a older women, again made with solidoak ,the finnish is a dark walnut,vanity has drawer tilting mirror and matching padded stool ,very high quality i have 2 left ,one thats put together (assembled) and one new in a box ,please call paul for more information ,or to get an e mailed photo. home 1 xxx xxx xxxx ,cell 1 xxx xxx xxxx this vanity set is 225$ dallors off the price it was marked in the store,the quality is excelent will last for gennerations,every thing i sold was top quality . i also have a white 5 drawer solid hardwood dresser,in white,top quality made in the usa ,by vermont precsion. www.vermont precision.com selling for $200 dresser is brand new ,fully assembled at the factory ,in vermont with dove taliled drawers,regular retail was $550.. top quality , and i have three twin beds left 1 by stanley in natural ,brand new with adjustable side rails, u can raise as child grows .color is natural retail was $$800 ,selling for $300, one solid hardwood beatifull sliegh bed in cherry color ,made in the usa in new jersey, by the number one rated childrens furniture maker munire furniture ,www.munire furniture .com retails for $699, selling for $200 i have a bookcase headboard for a twin bed in nutaral ,made with solid maple ,will accept any metal rails retail $400, selling for $150 , also a low to the ground twin bed on casters from barn door ,brand the complete set for $100 has headboard ,foatboard two side rails ,and rolling casters,(optional)but the come with the bed …i have a full size white headboard from munire ,retails $350 will sell for $100 , ok this is a great deal for someone in need of a quality computer/student desk ,, this desk is made out of solid maple in the U.S.A. comes with hutch ,and matching chair retail is $1,200 will sell for $500 made by rumbeltuff… i have a twin bedroon set made by pali made in italy ,if your intrested in the top of the line furniture call we can work something out ,the color is a dark cherry / retails $4,000 buti will deal on this ,its a complete twin bed .with dresser with hutch and a student desk , lots of baby items please call paul for information or to obtain an e mailed photo of any item mentioned ..home 1 xxx xxx xxxx ,cell is 1 xxx xxx xxxx ,the bedrrom set is made by an italian furnture company that makes heirloom type furniture , oh i also have new premium twim mattresses retail at $245 selling for $99 lots of baby bedding some twin and full bedding all beeding is well below retail prices and is top qwality ,patchkraft,cotton tale ,and such crib bedding , cradlle beddind ,toddler bed bedding also portta crib bedding ..3 graco snugrides infant seats brand 50%off, peg perego stoller (marttenilli) retails $300 ,selling for $99 brand new . many other items again paul at ..home 1 xxx xxx xxxx ,or cell at 1 xxx xxx xxxx (moving out of state many other items can be seen when u come to my home in [location].. paul
If you read this like it was an infomercial, or a transcript from the Home Shopping Network, it makes a lot more sense. (And by a lot, I mean absolutely none.)
“And if you call ,right now ,I’ll throw in ,this set of Ronco steak ,knives absolutely free! That’s right ,you’ll get the vanity ,the dresser ,the three twin beds ,AND the set of Ronco steak ,knives. But ,wait! There’s ,more! If you call within the next ten minutes ,you’ll get a second set of steak ,knives ,FREE! That’s a $200 value ,free! Call right now!”
Anyway, did you catch the problem? It’s very subtle,* but it’s there. The correct answer is that not a single one of these pieces is French Prudential, and therefore cannot be top “qwality”.
*By subtle, I mean stupid.
1. What about “too sit on” and all of the possessives that should just be plural?
2. The spelling of giraffe – and that giraffe is not a proper noun.
3. Holy crap, is that all one sentence?
I’m sure there are more problems with that one, but I can’t make myself read it. I like myself too much.
If anything deserves the “ow, my eyes.” tag, that last one is it! I almost couldn’t read it, and that’s saying something.
Courtney, you seem to have missed the joke.
My favorite phrase out of all of these was “the finnish is a dark walnut”. Having learned the language over the past 10 years, I absolutely agree.
I always thought the Finnish were fairer skinned….
heh. The comments made me laugh. The third ad made me hurt.
Hmmm. I was going for the “those are too obvious and too easy to mock” thing. Maybe I was too subtle.*
*And by subtle, I mean …
Oy…my head hurts after those listings! I especially like all the apostrophes in the first listing. I mean, apostrophe’s.
Yeah, the first ad forgot to use an apostrophe to pluralize “tones.” What an idiot.
I’m convinced the last ad was meant to hypnotize me. It worked.
Rather than ‘hypnotize’, I’m thinking ‘beat into submission’.
Interesting. I thought the problem with the second one was that it says the picture looks great on a wall but the photo clearly displays it on the floor.
I’m especially impressed with the use of the double comma in the third ad,,
Silly me. I thought the problem with the last one was that the vanity tables are not “setup toddler style.” I mean, ALL the toddlers I know need vanity tables.
Why do I feel out of breath after reading that?
But I’m glad to see that “put together” is explained for those who might not have realized it meant “assembled.”
You’ll note that the Gerraff picture (that looks great on the walls) is infact shown as being on the floor — which must be why it looks so crappy to me.
And I would only buy the leopard sofa if the ad said that the sofa eats people (and then wheels away really fast).
Most sofas appear to prefer eating snakes.
Two thoughts:
1) When did people start putting punctuation immediately in front of the next word ,like this ?This isn’t the first time I’ve seen that ,and I cannot think of what in the world is going on with those people .
2) Since so many are so fond of using apostrophes where none is needed, I’ve decide’d tha’t wheneve’r I’ encounte’r someon’e lik’e tha’t onlin’e I’m goin’g t’o respon’d t’o the’m lik’e thi’s t’o a) anno’y the’m an’d b) se’e i’f the’y eve’n notic’e.
And, yes, that hurt to type that.
SJ- It hurt to read it as well…
My little internal editor, the one that automatically corrects things as I read them, just had an aneurysm.
SJ — was it just too much?
I’ve read fanfic that was worse, but at least that was entertaining. This is just irredeemably head-splody.
My 18 month old niece has been at my house this weekend and at least 6 times a day is going through her repertoire of ‘What does the animal say’. I am pretty sure that I won’t convince her daddy that a leopard says “meow”.
But, I’ve learned from her that a lion says, “Warh, warh”.
So CapnMac should be able to tell us what part of Texas the lion comes from.
*looks at his list*
Northwest
There are a lot of cars in my area with Texas plates, so while driving around yesterday, Mike and I tried to figure out from the car and the driver which part of Texas they are or were from. 8) Fun but silly.
Worse ways to spend a day.
With 254 counties, Texas gave up any sort of per-county identification bay in the 30’s (I think, that’s the oldest plate I’ve seen like that).
Since the plates are issued by the County Tax Office, you could–sort of–spot “like county” issue from the tag number (back when they were xxx-nnn format).
The way they distributed the plates changed in the 70’s–counties no longer got a range like QPB-100 through QPC-890 or some such combo. Which also made plate production easier, too.
We changed the enumeration in the 90’s, any of the six characters could be alpha or numeric; then early in the ‘aughts we went to yyy-yyyy format. My understanding is that the last change actually makes it easier to issue our specialty plates, like Purple Heart, Disabled Veteran, Volunteer Firefighter, and the like.
I’ve never paid enough attention to license plates to discern any patterns beyond ones that spelled something funny or could have amusing acronyms made up from them.
It may me pretty good at playing Bumper Stumpers* from my couch, though.
* Canadian game show from the 80s — when our game shows featured luxurious prizes like dinner for two at a posh restaurant, three to low four-digit cash prizes. I think the most prestigious prize any of our game shows from the era ever gave away on a regular basis was a Pontiac Fiero 2M4, though given how certain models had a propensity to turn into wheeled barbecues, I’m not sure that was as good as a nice, safe dinner for two.
Well, in states with fewer counties, they often list the county of issuance upon the plate.
Florida still does this, if less so now. They give you the choice of your county, “Sunshine State” or “Florida.com” plates now (possibly more). Which does meke the rental cars harder to spot, too.
But there’s nothing like a meal cooked over an open Fiero.
I feel like catching up on the last couple of days I missed sooo…
-There actually was a fairly recent Batman comic where he went back to caveman times and had a giant bat cloak (where he found a giant bat to skin and use its fur, I’ll never know). He was also a pilgrim later in that same comic. Comics are weird.
– Fried gator is OK, but I wish I was in Tijuana eating barbecued iguana
and now today:
– Judging by all those possessive marks, that couch has belonged to many people, including brown, Look, pillow, and wheel. And it meows. Pass.
– $60? That kind of thing I’m sure I can find in a bargain store for around $30 or less… if I felt like decorating in a safari theme… which I don’t.
– *starts to read, eyes cross, gets dizzy, gives up*
Bonus points for the Wall of Voodoo reference!
Ditto.
What those smart guys said up there ^^^
Now I’m going to have nightmares about my students writing like that for the writing assignment I’m giving them tomorrow. My head might explode.
Better lay in a supply of red pens, Noni. This could be painful.
If you get 2 sentences in and the writing makes your head want to explode, just put a big red X on it. Don’t hurt yourself.
I think dipping the paper in red ink might be acceptable.
I read that as “red pe…” er…”red pecil.”
Changes the meaning significantly.
The pen is mightier than the pecil.
If your pecil remains red for more than 4 hours, seek
medicalstationary assistance immediately.I kind of like my assistance to move, otherwise I start to get really self-conscious.
I tend to use an orange pen. I think it sets me apart and doesn’t seem quite as hostile. Even when I’m writing hostile things. It’s important to mess with their minds.
You should get the kind that smells like oranges!! You win at being a teacher!
There was a study reported here recently which suggested teachers should use green pen for mistakes, as red pen could be “psychologically damaging” because red is an “aggressive” colour. Too many people for my sanity thought this was a perfectly sensible idea. Though, given that we now have a ‘no-fail’ educational system (the worst you can get is ‘not achieved’) perhaps I should be less surprised. Should I be allowed to breed, my kids are so going through the International Baccalaureate system instead.
*Whilst wondering why Jen happened to spell colour ‘correctly’, Chaos completely ignores the football gravatar, even when staring directly at it.*
[OT]
So, it looks like this thing I’ve got is indeed a really, really bad cold. Just one of the sort I’ve never had before. Still sucks.
On a positive note though, it’s finally given me the time to work on a little somethin’ somethin’. Almost ready, too.
[/OT]
Feel better!
But not before you finish what you’re working on…
…or something.
Thanks. Still feel like crap, but at least I know what it is and can proceed to medicate the crap out of it. That means I have to go out and get said medication and we’re in a cold snap today with lots of ice brought on by yesterday’s mild and rainy weather. My walk to the drug store (I live right behind a mall) is going to look like Tim Conway’s old man character — incoherent muttering and moaning and all.
I’m incoherent and muttering all the time. Let your freak flag fly Mindfield!
I’ll be lettin’ if fly tomorrow… 🙂
Mindfield — hope you feel better soon.
Thank you. I made the perilous journey to the drug store and got me some Nyquil, which have started to kick in. Combined with a nice hot slice of coffee, I’m actually starting to feel slightly human again.
I always think that Nyquil taste like your are drinking pine sap. (No I haven’t tried drinking pine sap).
I hate taking liquid cold medication of any sort — although I actually respect Buckleys for acknowledging that flavoured medicine still tastes like honey-roasted ass, so they don’t even try. I bought the gelcaps instead. I only buy the liquid if I’ve got a horrible cough, and I seem to be progressing beyond that stage, so the pills will do fine.
I’ve had cheesecake made with pine sap. It’s quite good. We even bought a bottle for cooking with. It’s just like pouring what a campfire smells like over ice cream.
I don’t know that I could eat something that tastes like pine. I mean, I like the smell just fine, but as a flavour? I’d think it’d be a little acrid. Maybe blended like that it might not be so bad but I don’t think I could shake the thought of eating a pinecone.
All I can say is don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. I saw it on a menu in Finland, and since I have a bad habit of ordering the oddest thing on any menu presented to me, I had to try it.
It was really good.
Finns also have an unhealthy love for salmiakki, an overwhelmingly salty licorice, so I tend not to put a lot of trust in their tastebuds. 🙂
Mind you, I’d probably try pine-flavoured cheesecake, but only because I love cheesecake.
I like double-salted licorice. It’s damned hard to find, though, and a little does go a long way.
Which is, perhaps, the point.
Maybe the not.a.leopard says*, “Meoooow.”
*Oops, I meant “say’s.”
TypoMagic, inna box. Don’t miss out, get ’em while they’re . . .still available. $25 each or 3 for $100.
*Braces self*
I saw you on FB all day today, why didn’t you check in here earlier?
Ok, so
Not sure which is worse:
A mirror that causes realignments of undergarments
Furniture storage container attempting to lance reflective surfaces
or
A reflective surface used upon the lists for jousting.
There are a lot of women that cause spontaneous realignment of my undergarments, but since I don’t think I share any alleles with Narcissus, my own reflection doesn’t quite have the same effect. If anything, my face has the tendency to cause spontaneous realignment of mirrors.
No, look is old and recovered. By a blind African Gray Parrot.
Beautiful plumage, though.
Daily dose of Monty Python accepted. Three million doors to you. And a red table.
That pattern on the couch, to my eye, looks to be jaguar-spotted, rather than leopard. But, perhaps Spark is a zoologist, the pattern is that of Look’s Leopard<g>
Hmm, Uncle Wiki is not very helpful, I’m not finding a reference which will aver if the hide of Panthera matches the spots–since this a fur-less “leopard print” couch. (O, woe and alas for the poor Nauga . . . )
Now, this, too troubles me:
I find no referent for “taliled” (beyond all too-many Sparky misspellings); did get a “did you mean “Tamil” though.
The idea of Sri Lankan doves is intriguing. But not if the Green-Mountain Staters are making the poor creatures into lingerie . . . .
So how can you have so many simple speeling prolbems, and corrcetly spell “vacuum”?
Answer hazy, try again later.
Hey, Typo, I’m a turn in early tonight, so here’s your Punchity Punch Punch! Ow, sorry. Got ya right in the braces!
G’Night, Vermont!
I think I may have a seekrit cloning masheen, because that “One of a kind” sofa is currently ‘Meeeeeooow-ing’ while supporting my feet.
Hash-tag backwards ottoman for teh snarks?