YSaC, Vol. 1527: In my room, I want your chair

2013 June 4
by dan

Massage Chair Wanted up to – $4000

I am looking for the best mechanical electric Massage Chair anyone has to offer for UP TO $800. Cash Now.

Please send me your info and details on age, model, price paid new, age AND WHAT YOU WANT FOR IT NOW.

I will pick up if you can’t deliver. Please include price you want for it now.

Thank you,

You’re looking for the chair, are you? Are you the small rat-dog terrier on the left, or the industrial mop on the right? At least the fact that you appear to be a dog means I can forgive your ability to remember how much you were willing to pay for even the length of a single – OH! SQUIRREL!

(Thanks, jg!)

25 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 June 4

    I have a massage chair. I’ll take a box of dog treats, a scratch behind the ears, and a new ball.

    Remailed via dogslist.org.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 June 4
      nojazzhere permalink

      I can handle the dog treats and the scratch behind the ear, but a vet will have to do the de-neutering. (new ball) Sorry. Besides, I’m not sure that works, anyway.

      Adores: 4
  2. 2013 June 4
    Ralph permalink

    Dear Sparky,

    I am the Board Chair of Mechanical Electric Massage Enterprises (MEME) Inc. Although I am not personally for sale, we specialize in recycled vibrators. Most are considerably less expensive than your top price(s.)

    I suspect you are therefore actually looking for a mechanical ELECTRONIC massager. These are considerably more expensive, and are not yet being recycled.

    May I suggest an old-fashioned human model? We can procure some fine bitches that are a lot better groomed than the ones pictured.


    Ima Shaker, Chair

    Adores: 4
  3. 2013 June 4
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Squirrel? Where? Squirrel? Where? BAAAALLL!
    What was I saying?

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 June 4

      See, this is why cats are better pets. Cats aren’t as easily dis … :stares into space for several minutes, then runs at top speed to another room for no reason:

      Adores: 16
      • 2013 June 4

        There is always a reason. We just don’t have the right weight of aluminum on our heads to understand it.

        Adores: 2
        • 2013 June 4
          MissMommyNiceNice permalink

          I see by the adores YSACL is cat leaning. I can haz cheezburger now!?

          Adores: 1
  4. 2013 June 4
    mudslicker permalink

    So, you reel them in with $4,000.00 and then smack ’em down with only $800.00. I see what you did there, Sparky.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 June 4
      DigitalAxis permalink

      Come on, what’s a factor of 5 between friends?

      Adores: 4
  5. 2013 June 4
    penguin permalink

    Would a massage cat do? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_uuN5kuq74

    Adores: 5
  6. 2013 June 4

    I am Arthur, King of the Britons, and I will pay up to $4000–

    $800, sir.

    $800, Cash, Now!

    Adores: 3
  7. 2013 June 4
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Industrial Mop is the name of IF’s Nine Inch Nails cover band.

    Adores: 0
  8. 2013 June 4

    Peter Griffin: I’ll give you $40 for that massage chair.
    Salesman: Sir, this chair costs $400.
    Peter: $4,000!
    Salesman: Sir, that’s ten times the price.
    Peter: $800.
    Brian: (to store owner) He… He doesn’t know how to haggle.

    Adores: 5
  9. 2013 June 4
    nojazzhere permalink

    Wait!!! You want to know the price I want for it NOW?? What, NOW?? Not yesterday? Not later today? You mean NOW!!!!! Right? I just want to get this straight. Thanks…..

    Adores: 5
  10. 2013 June 4
    kelli permalink

    Chair had left George and Mutt some time ago. The humans did not seem to mourn his loss, but George and his heterosexual life partner did. Chair had always been there for the dogs since they were little pups. Always welcoming the canines and after Mutt had figured out how to work the big squarish things with the buttons, Chair became so much more to them. The dogs loved their Chair and would often nip playfully at him while they enjoyed the vibrations Chair provided. Then one afternoon, Chair was gone. They followed Chair’s scent to the door and whined to be let out but their humans were not home and they were stuck inside. It was Mutt who remembered how the humans had found George when he had gone missing for a week. Mutt opened the taller human’s laptop and found that website. It was not easy to type with his paws, so he used his tongue instead. He wrote the advertisement and was about to submit it when he remembered the humans had offered a reward for George and Chair was certainly worth one as well.

    He missed Chair so much and he thought Chair probably missed George and him as well. He added his favorite picture of George and him, the one where you couldn’t see their humans and he fervently hoped that Chair or someone nice would see his ad and Chair would find his way home again, just as George did.

    Adores: 7
  11. 2013 June 4
    kelli permalink

    I know it doesn’t fit the ad, but it just sort of wrote itself. Also, still not the strangest thing I’ve ever written.

    Adores: 1
  12. 2013 June 4

    Masseuseing is a dog’s life.

    Adores: 1
  13. 2013 June 4
    camille permalink

    Awwww. I would be happy to pet the puppies, free of charge. (No, not you, HamCan!)

    Adores: 1
  14. 2013 June 4
    nojazzhere permalink

    Hey, C……J !!!!! Where are you???!!!!…..Look!!!!!!!!…..Puppies!!!!!!!!!!!

    Adores: 4
  15. 2013 June 4
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Loading the boys up in the van and driving on bumpy roads seemed like a cheaper alternative at first, but after 10 hours, Sparky needs a break.

    Adores: 3
  16. 2013 June 4


    Adores: 3
  17. 2013 June 5

    C””J, no snark about it, you deserve this! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Chairman!

    Adores: 0

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