YSaC, Vol. 1553: One man’s trash is another man’s … trash.

2013 July 10

Trash canes – $3


Hi I hav 3 or 4 trash canes in good condition with wheels
They role fine and 2 are black and the other one is tan I think
Don’t need them got bigger ones
Take all of them home for 10
Thanks

It’s a little known fact that Santa’s elves experimented with different flavors before they settled on candy canes. This was one of the less popular confectionary concoctions, made from the slime from the inside of waste receptacles. The botulism stripe was a nice idea, though, and added a tart counterpart to the overall rancid flavor.

Anyway, of the three or four items available here, two are black and one is tan. And they’re all $3, except for the one that isn’t if there’s three of them, or except for the one that isn’t if there’s four of them.

Thanks, Ralph! I may go do just that.

35 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 July 10

    These aren’t just any old trash canes. They role-play, and they do cat math. Maybe Sparky is John Waters selling an unused movie idea.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 July 10
      mudslicker permalink

      Well, anywho, Sparky don’t need them because he’s got bigger ones.

      Hmmm, well, now ain’t Sparky the little bitch with a Napoleon Complex.

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 July 10
        andy permalink

        On Craigslist, they call it a NAPLONENE Complex.

        Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 10
          mudslicker permalink

          Those are only the French Prevential people.

          Adores: 1
    • 2013 July 10
      nojazzhere permalink

      O.K., let’s look at this…$3.00 each, or $10.00 for all…so the issue of whether there are 3 or 4 canes becomes important. If I buy all of them, do I get a good deal (if 4) or do I pay $1.00 extra (if only 3)??????? Also, you “think” the other one is “tan”? ..can you be sure?..cause I sure don’t want it if it’s pink, or puce, or mauve, or tangerine, (although I do love actual tangerines, and also the word tangerine, o.k., I’ll take tangerine if you have it) but not any of those other yucky colors….so get back to me and I’ll let you know. P.S. I agree…bigger is better…In.All.Things. …(hehehe!)

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 July 10
        Brer Fox permalink

        Unless they are problems and they must be problems because Sparky is trying to get rid of them and so much of a problem that Sparky doesn’t know for sure how many there are nor can Sparky accurately describe them and getting rid of small problems because you replaced them with big ones doesn’t make sense unless you are addicted to pity parties and charging other people for your problems is just wrong unless your target market is sadistic or a math teacher who wants to give his students more problems to solve and it’s probably not a math teacher who would buy these problems because cat math is not taught in schools but only new math and new math is not better than old math because old math is vintage old math is retro old math goes with everything like A B C D F also x y axis n and such new math just goes with n(ot passing) and p(assing) and everyone knows that n and p encompass the O-zone and the ozone is really high and kids shouldn’t be getting high and that is why new math is a problem and should not be sold on craigslist even if it has wheels and there would be less problems in school if the students had to deal with more canes because the problem is discipline not trash unless it is trash talking because today’s students are more sensitive about their self esteem self worth and selfish desires but as I was saying about those trash canes see I’ve seen canes made out of bull intestines and that is as close to trash canes as I have ever seen because you know recycling is good but only to a point but I think it is strange that people make jewelry out of rabbit droppings and deer droppings so if you see someone with sh** on their face then be kind and take them to the bathroom with you so they can wash it off because nobody should have to walk around sh** faced all of the time and that is my sobering thought for the day.

        Adores: 5
    • 2013 July 10
      Aphid permalink

      I attack the first black trash cane with my +2 long sword. With my +3 attack bonus and my +2 racial bonus against things with wheels, I end up with … Raccoon Plague?

      I think I need a new catulator.

      Adores: 1
  2. 2013 July 10

    Historians try to blame this on the elves, but actually it was a group of gnomes who were trying to get good union jobs. They were tired of being day laborers in front yards across the county, so they loaded up their mushrooms and headed north.

    Things did not go well for them. Their culture forbade the use of red for anything except clothing. And they only had one female in the bunch. They were addicted to rutabagas, which do not grow in arctic climes. In the end, Santa relocated them to Alaska, where they founded a city and learned to eat moose. True story.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 July 10

      Living in mushrooms? Only one female in the bunch? Are you sure you’re talking about gnomes and not smurfs? ‘Cause that would be smurftacular. Being moved to Alaska by Santa, those little guys could smurf all day without smurfing about that creep Gargamel, who despite evidence suggesting he’d never eaten one believed smurfs were the only food to smurf, and his cat. If the smurfs worked for Santa, I’m sure most of them would have big enough hearts to smurf Gargamel for all his nastiness and send thoughtful gifts rather than coal for his stocking, which I’m also sure smurfed off Gargamel somethign fierce.

      Adores: 2
    • 2013 July 11
      Kaziganthi permalink

      Also gnomes are notoriously bad spellers which is why they named their new town ‘Nome’. And in their anger at Santa for sending them away they started eating the local reindeer, called caribou. Then they discovered gold on the beaches and since now they did not wish to incur Santa’s wrath they told everyone they were eating moose.

      Adores: 1
  3. 2013 July 10
    Ralph permalink

    Sparky could get a higher price if he advertised these as “Sanitation Hounds” instead of trash canines. Whatever their color, I’m sure they are role models for the breed, with or without wheels. Unfortunately, this was listed under Garbage Sales instead of Pets, so many potential buyers will miss this fine offering.

    Adores: 0
    • 2013 July 10
      Windrose permalink

      I think they have to go cheaply because they’re only half bread.

      Adores: 0
  4. 2013 July 10
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Perhaps he is charging extra for the lingering aroma of filth and sprinkling of maggots.

    Adores: 0
  5. 2013 July 10
    mudslicker permalink

    “These aren’t the trash canes you’re looking for.”

    Apparently they “role fine” so they should be able to act their way out of anything.

    “To bee or not to bee–that is not a question.”

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 July 10
      Bombdude permalink

      Two bee or not two bee, *that* is a math question…

      Adores: 3
  6. 2013 July 10
    andy permalink

    Hmmm, a trash cane with wheels – sounds more like a trash walker. I already have a pair of trash crutches. Perhaps I should have some trash canes too. Although I wonder why Sparky had to get larger trash canes. He must be really tall or something.

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 July 10
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      I briefly had a job as a trash walker. The trash had to be taken out every morning to do its business, followed by a quick run in the park and several hours loitering on the corner trying to hustle passers-by before finally returning to the trailer park.

      Adores: 4
  7. 2013 July 10
    camille permalink

    I prefer sugar cane. Trash cane has such a trashy aftertaste.

    And why, pray tell, do you only THINK it’s tan? You can’t tell because it’s always hiding behind the black trash canes? Or you aren’t sure what color “tan” is?

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 July 10
      zero.nada.none. permalink

      Camille…maybe it’s really “khaki.” Tan is such a complex and convoluted color.

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 July 10
        Demon Duck of Doom permalink

        My money is on taupe or ecru.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 10
          mudslicker permalink

          Puce. Looks like it sounds.

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 11
          Kaziganthi permalink

          I’m hoping it is vermillion.
          Why? Because ‘vermillion’ is fun to say.

          Try it:
          vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion.
          See? Fun!

          Adores: 1
    • 2013 July 10
      andy permalink

      Depends on how much sun it’s gotten. It may be more or less tan depending on recent cloud cover, use of sunscreen, etc.

      Adores: 3
  8. 2013 July 10

    This ad sucks. I really need three used trash canes, but I only have $9. Hey, would a couple of you fine, upstanding YSaCers be willing to help? I’ll give you each $3 and Sparky’s contact info. Each one of us would go buy one of the items from this collection and then after I could go collect the cane you bought for me. We’d just have to make sure to not show up at approximately the same time, or if we accidentally do to pretend not to know each other. I tried this scheme once before with my brother’s help when somebody offered two babbey stollers for $15 each or both for $40, but the seller could tell we were related and we ended up without any. At least I was able to talk him into giving me at no cost a red table he was trying to sell. Didn’t have anything to take babbey for a stoll, but at least we had a changing table (after we scraped off the collage he applied during his frat glory days). My insufferable neighbor, who also spent time in the same frat, recongnized the table despite our work of cleaning it and started calling it the “tits aside” table. We had to move from that prick just to make sure our kid’s first words weren’t “tits aside”.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 July 10
      mudslicker permalink

      We had to move from that prick

      Yes, yes indeed. <3 ya, Yancy!

      Adores: 1
  9. 2013 July 10
    limelolly permalink

    Is no one else worried about why Sparky needed bigger trash canes?

    No… I’m not paranoid.

    What are you holding behind your back?

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 July 10
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      Not unless they’re thrash canes.

      Wait, what are you doing? I haven’t done anything wrong! Damn, that stings.

      Adores: 1
  10. 2013 July 10
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    If I take all of them home for 10, and then take 5, can I bring them back after they’ve had their 15 minutes of fame?

    Adores: 1
  11. 2013 July 10

    My grandpa used a trash cane when he walked. It had a pointy end so he could pick up litter.

    Adores: 5
  12. 2013 July 10
    CapnMac permalink

    Please remember that any sparkii spelling resembling actual words usually represents an error.
    That’s how I know this is an invitation to a Michael Caine celebrity roast. Which will have an au jus sauce and mixed vegetables with a wild rice pilaf on the side.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 July 10
      nojazzhere permalink

      Point of interest, Capn, if this were concerned with a Michael Caine roast, wouldn’t Sparky be singing, “What’s it all about,..trash canes?”…???? Nevermind the just sauce or out of control pile of rice on its side……

      Adores: 2
  13. 2013 July 10
    HamCan permalink

    I too are an Americane…

    Adores: 2
  14. 2013 July 10
    Ralph permalink

    Cave canem.

    Adores: 0
  15. 2013 July 11

    Ralph and C””J, of all the people I have ever punched in the box, you two are included. Happy Friday Eve! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Mondo Cane!

    Adores: 0

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