YSaC, Vol. 1595: The traveller has come.
2013 September 6
CONCRETE SNOWMAN
300 LB. CONCRETE SNOWMAN. BRING HELP
At first glance this might look like a normal ad in the free section, but upon closer inspection it becomes obvious that this is a desperate plea for help from a homeowner who is being held hostage. The evidence is all there. The snowman has already assimilated and absorbed the penguin who attempted to defend its homestead, and it has all of its weapons at the ready in the toolbox behind it. It’s also generating more 300 pound concrete snowmen in the bucket in order to make manifest its dream of a concrete snowman army. WE HAVE TO GO HELP! Humankind depends on us! I’ll meet you there, right after I undefrost this turkey to use as a weapon.
Thanks, Kelly!
“I want that concrete snowman. It would go perfectly with the other Christmas decorations.”
“You need help.”
Perfect decoration to hang on my 300 foot giant sequoia Christmas tree.
Weeping snowmen only move when you turn away.
Don’t. Even. Blink.
Elebenty hundret doors for you, Rebecca.
Yeah, but they’re all a figment of this old sad guy’s imagination who didn’t get enough love as a child.
Bring help? How about bringing Azathoth?
Bring explosives. Bring the Green Berets. Bring Jeff Goldblum and the dinosaurs. Bring Jay and Kay and the flashie things. Help! Help!
HEY!!! Let’s have a snowball fight! ……First one to the Emergency Room loses!….
Can I bring Jay and Silent Bob? They may not actually know how to help, but somehow they manage to reliably stumble on the right path.
Finn and Jake must thwart yet another lame scheme by the Ice King.
I guess I should have gotten here sooner! You stole my snark!
That’s a penguin? It looks like an upside-down rabbit head dangling from his belt to me.
I don’t… OH! Can’t unsee it now!
Bunny heads. Bunny heads.
Dangle from a snowy’s belt.
Bunny heads. Bunny heads.
Eat them up. Yum.
[matte]
Of course it’s a penguin!
How else would we know it’s Linnux compatible!?
[/matte]
I think this may qualify as a penguin emergency.
That is one very flat penguin. A bandaid might not help enough.
300 LB. Snowman is IF’s Ice-T cover band.
I wonder about the fate of the cameraman. Is this a fast snowman, and moments after the photo was taken, the camera was all that was left? Or is it the slow and inevitable kind, and now the cameraman is barricaded inside the shed, using the neighbour’s unguarded wifi to upload the picture to the poster in the house?
I used to be a 300 lb. Snowman, but then I dicovered Sparkies Unthawed Meats diet, and lost everything! You, too, can become a cadaver by following this simple eating plan.
Day 1: 5 meat gerberts
Day 2: Ancient Crisco and 1 tub of vintage cereals
Day 3: Unthawed Turkey
Day 4: Salmnonela Couch
Day 5: Oh, I’m sorry, no one has made it past Day 4!
So, all that’s missing is endorsement by vapid pseudo-starlette du jour?
So, all that’s missing is endorsement by vapid pseudo-starlette du jour of the day? There, fixed it for you…..
I’ve got Jenny McCarthy holding for you on line one, Cap’n.
not gonna ask “what” she is holding . . .
I’m not a betting man, but if I were, I’d say polio, measles, and a raging case of Borderline Personality Disorder.
We get this guy laid, we’ll have no problem with him.
Sooooo, you volunteering?
Sparky the Snowman
Knew it had to end this way
So he grabbed his gun
And had some fun
Making all those bastards pay
Sparky the Snowman
Couldn’t let the hostages live
So he took his gat
And the bird went splat
Sparky had no more to give
Sparky the Snowman
Knew the cops were on their way
So he said goodbye
With a terrible cry
“I’ll be back to haunt your dreams another day!”
“I’m here to help. Trust me.”
Noooo! snowmen are made out of snow. This is CONCRETEMAN and he is full of cement and he wants you to be full of cement too. Bwahahahaha!
Is it me, or are gargoyles just getting stranger?
Would a concrete snowman melt in a concrete jungle? How about a cement pond?
zero our hero! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Holiday Shoppers!