YSaC, Vol. 211: Love is in the air, everywhere you look around …

2009 February 14

On this, the most romantic of days, I bring you some of the people out there who are wookin’ pa nub in all the wrong places, including Craigslist.

Watched the news lately? – 48

Seeking a lady that is aware of what the future will bring. A survivalist. I would like to find a lady who is under 50 and capable of growing a garden and first aid. A lady that can operate and take care of a horse, tractor, a truck, and an ATV. Must be capable of self-defense! Trapping, reloading and knife sharpening skill is a plus! Looks not too important besides being in good physical shape although big t*ts are a plus. Must currently be self-sufficient! If you have any equipment, send photo and description. We’ll see about the relationship discussion after we get past these requirements. I hope you like the smell of diesel! Smoke or drink, OK. No drugs! Don’t be scared, reply back to me! Criminals, gays and blacks need not apply. Not my flavor

What flavor are gays? To me, it seems like they’d be minty.

And you know, if your t*ts are too big, you won’t be able to sharpen knives very well. They also seem like they might be a hindrance in the whole “tractor and ATV” thing.

All right, ladies, maybe he’s not your type. Let’s try this one:

Would you like to star in an episode of “Cheaters”? – 26

Things are nonexistent in the bedroom with my wife. I’m looking to have a little fun, and maybe even my 15 minutes of fame. You could get your 15 minutes too. Not from me, I don’t last that long. I mean on camera. Think of how fun it will be meeting for coffee early in the morning, sneaking away from work or school for a secret “lunch”, and meeting late at night in the parking lot of the Kroger or HEB. All the while, we can play “spot the camera” or “spot the night vision goggles”. If you’re worried about how the wife will react when she sees us fooling around, don’t be. Her wrath will be directed only to me. While I’m getting my ass kicked, you can use that time to pose for the camera or tell your story of how you were the real victim in all this. The only requirement is that you are a woman over 18. I want to be on “Cheaters”, not “To Catch a Predator”.

Morally corrupt, but not bankrupt. At least the man has ambition.

No? Wow, you folks are picky. Okay, how about this one?

29 Guy looking for a good friend – 29

i like to stay in shape.treat girls to a very nice dinner.i like to do lots of outdorrs things since im a surveyor.i been so many places.i have been to almost every amusment park in the usa and one in tokyo.you name it i done it.i dont have no tatoos and dont drink but will go to clubs.i dont do drugs.i like to keep my bills caught up 2 months ahead.im just looking for some company and a good friend.on another note i do get girls starring at me all the time so you can not get mad if they look but i never cheat and never will thats my moddle.my sis says im to sweet to girls.i just say i want to the girl to feel like a princess when she is with me.i never hit a girl and never will.feel free to email me and ill give you my number and we can talk and if we hit it off just maby you might be dating me.please send me a picture with your email to my email.


Girls, if you’re lucky, you might be dating him. And his ego. But at least he has a moddle. I had a moddle once, but it got muddled. Once you get your moddle muddled it’s all over.

All right, gentlemen, all right, I hear you saying, “But what about us? Help us out in the romance department too!” Ask, and ye shall receive. For you, I have selected this fine young thang:

Looking for love, in the world… of warcraft – 18

I am 5’9, green eyes, have dirty blone hair, 110 pounds, full c cups, and an applebottom ass. I enjoy world of warcraft and rap music. Looking for a cool and funny guy with atleast a level 80 World of Warcraft toon. If you wanna hook up send me a pic and a link to your armory page.

She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it.

And in the spirit of inclusivity (unlike our first potential love match):

To The Girl Whose Vagina I Saw – w4w

Hey baby, I saw your vagina at my house once.
Ditch my brother and get with me ๐Ÿ˜‰
I’m only a room away, you know where to find me!


This was posted under “Missed Connections.” I always thought lesbian mating rituals involved cats, not piglets. But hey, that’s a really nice carpet; I wonder if it matches the drapes.

So there you go, folks; a cornucopia of romantic possibilities. No need to thank me: I’m a matchmaker at heart. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Thanks to the submitters: jwc, trueredtx, Lesley, and Kim.

34 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 February 14
    Amaia permalink

    Where to start? “Don’t be scared” makes me scared. If “never hit a girl” attracts you, then you need to reevaluate your standards. How did she see her vagina? Was her brother performing a pelvic exam? But finally, the freakishly improbable body of a 5’9″, 110 pound, large-bottomed, large-breasted woman frightens me. Like a bony Barbie Doll in a carnival mirror. *shudder*

    Wookin’ pa nub in all the wrong places, indeed.

    Adores: 0
  2. 2009 February 14
    Maria permalink

    Minty? Someone has obviously been away from San Francisco for way too long. I’d say it’s time for a visit! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Adores: 0
  3. 2009 February 14
    Mandee permalink

    After reading these posts, I’m thanking my lucky stars that I have a wonderful husband. And that I don’t have to try to find a new one on craigslist.

    And come on…everyone knows that gays taste *fruity*!! Like coconut, I think. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Adores: 5
  4. 2009 February 14

    I’m with you, Mandee. And I’d have to go with “tropical” on the gay front, maybe even “passion fruit”.

    So much good stuff in this post…

    First post: Ah! An American Borat! Who can resist? “She must be good with plow!”

    Second: I got nothing. His email should be a lure: respond to it and you get free counseling. For years.

    Third: I’m glad his sister thinks he’s so sweet – but what about his moddle?

    Adores: 1
  5. 2009 February 14
    Anonymous permalink

    Agree with Amaia- I am 5’9″, and I think my skeleton alone weighs more than #110. She would be just a walking set of boobs attached to an ass with little toothpicks for arms, legs and a neck, with a great big bobblehead on top.

    Adores: 3
  6. 2009 February 14
    Kristen permalink

    If you can’t find your perfect mate in that group, you’re just not trying hard enough!

    Adores: 0
  7. 2009 February 15

    Anonymous – It would be like having sex with a bag of antlers.

    Adores: 3
  8. 2009 February 19
    Anon. permalink

    A hot skinny chick with big boobs playing Warcraft? Naaaah, make her a 110kg (not pound) chick, eating a bucket of KFC off her boobs playing Warcraft, that’s more believable.

    Adores: 2
  9. 2009 February 22
    Rebecca_J permalink

    LOL! Do you know how to operate a horse? Be my girlfriend and I won’t hit you? Applebottom ass? Who says romance is dead??

    Adores: 6
  10. 2009 February 23
    Laumie permalink

    I’m pretty much a lurker around here, but I’d like to thank you for making my day a bit brighter when I pop over to read your posts!

    The sad part? I could have posted that World of Warcraft one, pathetically enough.

    Yes, hot girls do play Warcraft, strangely enough.

    Adores: 1
  11. 2009 March 5
    Wrabner permalink

    I lol’d @ the first post, He sounds like an obese redneck looking for a female version of himself, not to mention big t*ts. post #3: totally douche mcdouchebag with inflatable ego hailed from douchetopia.

    I’m gay and still not sure what I taste like. maybe just as salty. I’m just sayin’. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Adores: 0
  12. 2009 July 30
    Dumbledorfer permalink

    If he didn’t say “don’t be scared,” it would not have been as scary. Even survivalists need love…

    Adores: 0
  13. 2012 January 28
    Llama Derp permalink

    I love that skit!! Thank you drmk for the ear worm. I often wander around singing like Buckwheat and no one seems to know what I am talking about. Of course it could be because I am singing like Buckwheat.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 January 28

      My brother posted on his facebook that he was wookin’ pa nub. A friend replied that he was unce, tice, fee tines a mady.

      Adores: 1
  14. 2012 January 28
    valarie permalink

    To Spark-a-licious(gag) #3: Oh bummer. I have a small tattoo, but have not been to every amusement park in the United States. So close, so close…

    Well, good luck with your sis!

    Adores: 3
  15. 2012 January 28
    Llama Derp permalink

    I hope you like the smell of diesel!

    Clearly he has been using it for aftershave. Militant and combustible, what more could you ask for?

    Adores: 4
  16. 2012 January 28
    Llama Derp permalink

    Iโ€™m looking to have a little fun, and maybe even my 15 minutes of fame. You could get your 15 minutes too. Not from me, I donโ€™t last that long.

    Sounds like a lot of fun to me! You get to be a skank on tv and have bad sex!

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 28
      valarie permalink

      Definitely also deserves the “this can only end badly” tag. Really skeev-Spark, does anyone want 15 minute of fame that much? Oh, wait. Jersey Shore.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 28
      CapnMac permalink

      Uhhm, Question: What probability is there of any connection made via CL personal not resulting in less-than ‘good’ sex for at least one of the parties involved? Something akin to going to an auto salvage yard seeking fresh produce.

      Adores: 2
  17. 2012 January 28

    She doesn’t say what’s in the “c” cups. It’s breakfast time, so I’m hoping “Froot Loops”.

    Adores: 9
  18. 2012 January 28
    kelli permalink

    Everyone knows gays are skittle-flavored. Taste the rainbow.

    Adores: 11
  19. 2012 January 28
    kelli permalink

    If these are my Valentine’s Day choices, I choose a sock monkey.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 January 28
      valarie permalink

      I’ll take a manky bunny and a Lionel Richie terra cotta head.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 January 28
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      Hey, Kelli : Once you go monkey, you never go back. Back for seconds, that is.

      Adores: 1
  20. 2012 January 28
    penguin permalink

    Sparky #1 sounds hot. OK, not really. But since we are coming up on TEOTWAWKI, he might very well end up being the last man on earth and I’m calling dibs.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 28
      SilvaNoir permalink

      If these are my choices, I’ll gladly stay single throughout the end of the world

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 28
      Windrose permalink

      Go for it, Penguin. Maybe your influence can make him more human. Less monster. 8)

      Adores: 1
  21. 2012 January 28
    One Moving Violation permalink

    I could never be that romantic. My not-a-mullet is a dead give away.

    Adores: 0
  22. 2012 January 28
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    “Criminals, gays and blacks need not apply. Not my flavor”

    In order, the flavors are: Licorice, mango and bananas, and sweet dark sexual chocolate. FYI, monkeys taste like all three.

    *in a Barry White voice* Oh, yeah, baby….

    Adores: 3
  23. 2012 January 28
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    And thanks for the ear worm. How did I not know that was Tom Jones? I thought it was Lou Rawls. PS, Tom Jones is the smoothest white guy EVER! Up there with Neil Diamond.

    Adores: 0
  24. 2012 January 29
    Usually-Lurking from PA permalink

    Am I the only one who thinks that maybe “Cheaters-guy” isn’t get any from his wife because he doesn’t last more than 15 minutes? Perhaps SHE found someone from CL who does last longer than 15 minutes…and she’ll be too busy to notice that he found someone with sexual A.D.D….

    Adores: 1
  25. 2012 January 29
    Windrose permalink

    Mudsy, I hope you enjoyed your day in the box! Punchity Punch Punch! Oh, look, your card is full! I’ll get you a new one next time. 8)

    Good morning, Penny Lane!

    Adores: 0

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