YSaC, Vol. 1607: Rubber baron.
2013 September 30
Bulk amount of condoms over 1,000 FREE
I just have a bulk amount of condoms I thought I’d give away as I no longer work in the industry I’m giving away over 1,000 Text or call xxx-xxx-xxxx Need to get rid of ASAP (I’m having a kid in November.)
What industry? The condom industry? Do they let you take ten condoms home a night or something? Also, how many condoms does one person need? Apparently at least one more. I’m not sure I would trust these condoms. I’d be too worried that they were from the industry’s defective bin.
Thanks, Ellen!
Now I need to watch Woody Allen’s movie, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask.
Which was on one of the Encore! channels yesterday.
I think it’s significant that her phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx…..don’t you?
Sparky is a traveling condom salesperson, and that is the sample case. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Or it’s sticking to you? Shouldn’t get too close to the ‘display’.
Well now, that seems like a logical explanation. And also why she had to get out of the industry.
Can’t very well sell condoms while visibly pregnant, I’d guess.
“I’d be too worried they were from the industry’s defective bin…”….she’s having a kid in November….at least one must have been defective!
Water balloons by the kilofight!
That’s it, I’m loading these up into a Cessna, buzzing the Vatican and dropping them whilst blasting Ride of the Valkyries from a set of wing-mounted speakers.
Shotgun!
Ride of the Valeries!!!!
At least they’re not turkeys.
Why? Turkeys can fly, can’t they?????
Is it possible to love you more for that mental image, IF? I think not.
20 bucks and a pack of condoms says this Sparkette’s name is Creampuff Cumming.
Also…she’s going to regret giving them away when she has to go buy balloons for Baby Sparky’s first birthday.
Father: Son, before you go out into the world, it’s time we had a talk about the birds and the bees.
Son: Dad, you’re an amateur ornathologist and a professor of apiology. That’s all you EVER talk about.
Father: Which reminds me, now that you’re going to college, here’s a giant box of condoms that should last you until you make enough money to leave the lucrative banking industry.
Son: But what if I don’t WANT to be a-
Father: Nonsense! What other industries are there?
Son: What about expiration dates?
Father: My father gave ME a giant box of condoms when I turned 18, and aside from you and your twelve sisters, it’s worked out fine!
I have questions.
Are they new or used?
Are they still in their original packaging?
Do they work properly or do they have [pin] pricks in them?
What size are they?
Do they fit teeny weeny weanies or would they fit a camel?
Party favors from the Goodtich Blimp?
I am not clicking on that link
I hereby declare the link safe for adults above the age of 105. And camels.
It’s a condom emergency! And not the usual kind.
I also have questions:
Why is it so urgent to get rid of them before the baby comes? Why did you tell us about the baby anyway? Why is this post so full of irrelevant information? How much space does 1000 condoms take up? And most importantly, what was the name of your last “art film”?
Our Sparky seems to be operating on the assumption that if one condom is capable of preventing conception, a thousand or more are sure to complicate a birth.
Sparky is afraid the baby will be judgy.
Also, I see everyone has assumed this poster is a woman, but I got a distinct male vibe. Maybe he needs to clean up his condo to make room for the baby mama.
EXCELLENT (!) point MissMommy….this does change with your perspective….I should add,”I think it’s significant that HIS phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx….don’t you?” there, fixed it for me….
p.s. the name of his last “art film” was “1000 Condoms”
See I immediately thought it was a male pr0n star who had just retired from films. Maybe to be a banker…
You know, Miss Mommy has a point. I, too, got “former escort trying to go legit” from this post. But it could be Sparky-daddy trying to get rid of the evidence that he has had way less sex than he originally planned.
A future dad is what I originally thought. I even reread the ad to see if there was a name left in.
Please forgive the terrible pun, but the chance of Sparky finding a single person to take all 1,000 birth control devices is… inconceivable.
(Also, let the “Princess Bride” quoting commence.)
<—– is imagining one sperm at the exit from the seminal vesicles, waving its flagellum and calling out as all his eager, young brethren rush out, "Have fun storming the castle!"
Wow! Elebenty doors! I snorted.
Defective Condom is my Weapon of Choice cover band.
If condoms were communities, would 100 condoms be a condominium and 1000 condoms be a condomnation?
Ralph, I would say at least 1000 is a condom-minimum.
This is the last time Sparky whacks a piñata.
No, you and your condoms turn out fine. It’s your kid Sparky, something’s got to be done about your kid.
I must be slacking. I forgot to punch One for Friday’s winning comment. And now I need to punch M2N2 and Foxie. So everyone line up over here, close your eyes, and hold your Don’t Suck card up in front of your face. Punchity Punch Punch.
Good Morning, Trojan Man!
Thank you for the enye Mama Windy.
*fills cup holder with premium birdseed*
*hit send*
Something just struck me…..when he/she posted…”Im giving away over 1000 Text or call..”, did they mean to say …”over 1000 Textured, call…” That is a condom thing, isn’t it? (I wouldn’t know)