YSaC, Vol. 1722: Quine of the Realm

2014 June 27

Here’s a nice tale of redemption, courtesy of Kenneth. This ad was posted to Craigslist recently:

Quin matters

Good condition quin mattress and brand new box spring for free to first person respon.emai me your phon number I’ll text you my address to PU today please .

Normally, we’d be perfectly happy to mock this person, safe in the knowledge that nothing will ever shake their rock solid certainty that this is somehow an accurate or informative way to use the internet, or for that matter the English language.

But in this case, we’d be wrong. Just a few hours later this person picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and tried again:

Quine mattress

Very good Quine matress with below on top and box spring ..free smoking ,pet .

See? MUCH better!

13 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 June 27

    The Morgendorffers became worried when Quinn started insisting that below was on top. Then there was the incident with the smoking pet; free or not, that animal would not be allowed in the house until it quit.

    Adores: 6
  2. 2014 June 27
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Nothing really mattress
    Anyone can see.
    Nothing really mattress to me.
    Any way the pet smokes.

    Adores: 11
  3. 2014 June 27
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    emai me your phon number

    Hooked on phonics epic fail.

    Adores: 3
  4. 2014 June 27
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    “Alequeapy, ye old quine is dead.”
    Long live the quine size bed.

    Adores: 1
  5. 2014 June 27

    Come all without, Come all within,
    You’ve not seen nothing like the Mattress Quine.

    When Quine the Eskimo sells his mattress, everybody’s going to want a dose.

    Adores: 5
    • 2014 June 27
      nojazzhere permalink

      I couldn’t agree more…..just like yellow vs. brown mustard…”quin matters.”

      Adores: 1
  6. 2014 June 27
    HamCan permalink

    Since we all know matrresses come from the swaps of Squornshellous Zeta,
    Sparky meant you’ll need quinine after you sleep on this one…

    Adores: 4
  7. 2014 June 27

    Glad for the clarification – I was uncertain if the initial post meant Queen or Twin.

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 June 27
      Meg permalink

      And they used the same picture for clarity.

      Adores: 1
  8. 2014 June 27
    Ralph permalink

    “Would YOU like to be Quin for a day?” (Geezer alert)

    Adores: 2
  9. 2014 June 29
    Moe permalink

    My favorite part of it, though, is the free smoking, pet.
    Does that mean I can smoke for free if I pick up this quine mattress or is there actually a smoking pet I can have for free?

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 June 29
      DigitalAxis permalink

      I’m guessing they mean they’re the proud owners of Joe Camel.

      Adores: 3
  10. 2014 June 29
    DigitalAxis permalink

    I’m imagining a mangy mutt, recently extinguished, still wafting the odor of burnt dog all over the neighborhood as it plays merrily in the yard, while the shell-shocked owners debate what to do about their situation. That, combined with the furniture, prompts the question…. What happened here? Did the yellow cake in the oven go nucular? Did a recursively self-describing* furniture monster collapse into oblivion? Or has something far stranger happened here, and we’re due for a post soon about a free ficus covered in strawberry jam?

    * http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quine_%28computing%29

    Adores: 2

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