YSaC, Vol. 406: Immaculate what now?

2009 August 27
by dan

Modern Art – Religious – $35

Made of wrought iron on marble slab, this wall art of the Virgin Mary will compliment contemporary, modern or industrial decor. Or, display in outdoor garden as matierials will hold up to the outdoor elements.
Different and unique gift for a spiritual person.
Heavy and substantial piece.


Erm. The Virgin Mary, you say? Is this one of those Rorschach tests?

Psychologist: “OK now Bob, when I hold up each wrought-iron encrusted marble slab, I want you to say the first thing that comes into your mind”
Bob: “A duck!”
Psychologist: “erngh.. This one?”
Bob: “A bunny”
Psychologist: “rrrggh.. This?”
Bob: “A hippo wearing a hat!”
Psychologist: “gngh.. How about this?”
Bob: “The Virgin Mary!”
Psychologist: “I think I have a hernia.”

Thanks Dani, for sending this in!

58 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 August 27

    Maybe it’s a side view? like the wonky scribbly line in the middle is the ear, and then the hair, and then a few random halos?

    Or maybe the artist was drunk. Yup, that’s the one I’m going with.

    Adores: 2
  2. 2009 August 27

    It looks like the logo for technology for the hearing impaired. I think it’s supposed to be a stylized ear with little radio waves coming off of it.

    Adores: 9
    • 2009 August 28
      cornflakes permalink

      thats what i thought.
      Ear with wifi rays
      or a bass clef with sound waves

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 August 30
        drmk permalink

        It’s backwards for a bass clef.

        Adores: 0
  3. 2009 August 27
    Sherri permalink

    It looks like fabric glitter paint on a a piece of scrap marble or marbleized glass or possibly even paper glued to a sheet of polycarbonate.

    I don’t see this hanging at Lourdes or Fatima any time soon.

    I guess it’s a step up from elephant dung.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 August 27
      Windrose permalink

      Sherri, you are so inexperienced at this. Obviously one must take two steps up from elephant dung. One step will only get you into more dung. Usually.

      Adores: 18
  4. 2009 August 27

    Okay, after several minutes of determined squinting, I think it’s possible that the thicker blobby bit near the center is supposed to be her face, looking to the right, with the rest of that metal piece making up her trademarked headscarf. Obviously the rest of those metal arcs indicate that she is currently experiencing a strong wireless connection.

    Adores: 77
  5. 2009 August 27
    HappyNat permalink

    I see the Virgin Mary quite clearly in this fine piece of artwork. Not sure how you guys don’t see it. I mean it’s not as clear as the Virgin Mary I see in my toast each morning or as the Virgin Mary water spot in my basement, but it is pretty clear to me.

    Adores: 37
  6. 2009 August 27
    neverfirst permalink

    Hit yourself on the head with this inspirational piece and you will see the Virgin Mary everywhere.

    Adores: 20
    • 2009 August 27

      Hit yourself in the head with this piece and she’ll come visit you herself.

      Adores: 8
      • 2009 August 28
        Traveler permalink

        Hit yourself in the head with this piece hard enough and you’ll go visit her.

        Adores: 11
  7. 2009 August 27
    Ri L. permalink

    I see a herd of wild ponies running free across the plains.

    Adores: 6
  8. 2009 August 27
    xirus permalink

    i think Logitech is on the phone right now acquiring the rights to this so it can be used as the new logo for their bluetooth headsets. great marketing move Logitech!

    Adores: 2
  9. 2009 August 27
    Caro permalink

    Our Lady of Stovetop Elements.

    Adores: 34
  10. 2009 August 27
    mudslicker permalink

    I actually think it looks like the Saffron Gathererers fresco from Akrotiri on the island of Santorini. For that I’d buy it! The Virgin Mary comes a dime a dozen.


    Adores: 4
  11. 2009 August 27
    sfaye permalink

    I think this could be used to stimulate my attack bird. I’ll take it.

    Adores: 4
  12. 2009 August 27

    It’s Mary’s bowed head surrounded by halos. I think.

    Adores: 0
  13. 2009 August 27
    queensbee permalink

    hi – i’m new to these pages. having a great laugh. and everyone knows that is NOT the BVM. it’s obviously st. francis.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2009 August 27
    Colleen in MA permalink

    You know, I can’t kind of see her. And the fact that this ad poster isn’t using “unique” as a reasonable argument to charge $200 for this piece endears me to it. @sfaye, I’ll take it – you’ll have to find some other piece of art to stimulate your attack bird!

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 27
      Colleen in MA permalink

      That should read “CAN kind of see her.” I feel like misspellings make my comment void. grrr. Yeah, I know I had five minutes to correct it. Gosh, I’m getting all skittery about comments with this new comment judging going on. Virgin Mary, patron saint of cell reception and communication, grant me peace.

      Adores: 18
  15. 2009 August 27
    dogface permalink

    Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of the Almighty Severed Ear. Jeez, ya heathens!

    Adores: 8
    • 2009 August 28

      A severed ear………it… could it….you mean ……it could be a Van Gogh?????

      *runs of to his paypal account*

      Adores: 3
  16. 2009 August 27
    ??? permalink

    My mom would totally love this for her garden. Seriously.

    Adores: 1
  17. 2009 August 27
    lulu permalink

    Clearly this is an homage to the severed ear in David Lynch’s “Blue Velvet” which starred the gorgeous Isabella Rossellini, who’s father, Roberto, directed the film “The Miracle” which was about a woman who believes she is the Virgin Mary. There, three degrees of separation.

    Adores: 15
  18. 2009 August 27

    Maybe it’s Mary’s ear. We’re thinking of the ENTIRE Blessed Virgin Mary. This is her sacred ear. The one the angel spoke into.

    Adores: 18
  19. 2009 August 27

    I’m looking and I’m looking, but I ain’t seein’.

    Adores: 1
  20. 2009 August 27
    Mrphysic permalink

    OK – haha – same old same old – the ‘modern art looks nothing like it’s subject’ gag….yes lets have a laugh about how flaky these arty types are…..A stovetop element that looks like the Madonna – hardy har.

    But Jesus popcorn toasting Christ – there is what looks like a childs lunchbox proudly on display behind this auspicious relic….the Lords lunchbox I’ll wager – wonder how much they want for THAT?

    Oh and yeah – I agree – this type of modern art sucks

    p.s. – ‘will hold up to the outdoor elements’ – because it IS an element n’es pas?

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 August 27
      Cyrocco permalink

      and dont forget the lords CV radio next to the… uhhhm. thing

      Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 28
      mudslicker permalink

      We all know the Lord didn’t have a lunchbox cuz he was home schooled. And besides, we all know he was way more into suppers…

      Adores: 6
  21. 2009 August 27
    Count Blah permalink

    Normally when people use a phrase like “this wall art…will compliment contemporary, modern or industrial decor” I assume they actually meant to say complement. Here, however, I’m not so sure. If we’re supposed to believe that this piece of art depicts the Virgin Mary, perhaps we are also supposed to believe that it will make flattering remarks to objects placed in its immediate vicinity.

    Adores: 28
  22. 2009 August 27

    Bless me, oh Saint Apostrophe, for I have sinned…

    Adores: 10
  23. 2009 August 28

    i know we’re supposed to be making fun of this but i’m more interested in how you get iron to stick to marble.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 August 28
      DooeyD permalink

      Judging by the smudge on the easterly corner of the piece, I’d guess peanut butter…

      Adores: 15
  24. 2009 August 28
    cornflakes permalink

    Umm…..I went to an art school. And i saw a lot of successful and unsuccessful art pieces that made me go “whaaaa??”
    But this is still the dumbest and ugliest thing i’ve ever seen.

    And this is from someone who made a sculpture out of nails and water balloons.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 August 28
      My Evil Twin permalink

      Nails and water balloons? Sounds like a child’s dirty bomb…

      Anyway, I think everyone is looking at it wrong: The Virgin Mary is actually one of the natural blobby bits in the marble itself (after all, aren’t Jesus and Mary always the natural blobby bits?); the swirly iron is the artists depiction of the mental process required to see said blobby bits as Jesus and/or Mary.

      The brownish bit in the corner is most likely where they hit their head just prior to the “revelation.”

      Although it must be said that if I were given this as a gift that I felt duty-bound to keep on display, it is not so bad in the Grand Scheme of Unwanted Gifts. I think I have a spot for it right next to the tapdancing Christ figurine.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 August 30
        corn flakes permalink

        wow, I dont know if it’s because i’m high, but your explanation made a lot of sense.

        Adores: 1
        • 2009 August 30
          DooeyD permalink

          If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say that…

          I’ve also heard “Wow, I don’t know if it’s because I’m high, but your hair is freaking me out! It’s so curly, it’s freaking me out!” more than once.

          Adores: 5
  25. 2009 August 31
    Abbey permalink

    It’s upside down.

    Adores: 1
  26. 2009 August 31

    Absolutely slayed me with potential conversation with a psychology there. Hilarious!

    Adores: 0
  27. 2009 September 3
    Diana permalink

    If you hang this in any subway in the US and say it’s the Virgin Mary – candles will appear and people will stop and pray. (oh and cry)

    Adores: 1
  28. 2009 October 3
    shaun permalink

    I kinda like it…

    Adores: 0
  29. 2010 May 22
    Zippy Slug permalink

    It’s obviously The Virgin. . . you can see her hymen. Just look closely.

    Adores: 0
  30. 2011 December 25
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    The only way this maybe looks like the Virgin Mary is, well, if you squint your eyes it could pass for an ovary.

    Nerky Beesmas to all!

    Adores: 3
  31. 2011 December 25

    Hail Mary, full of wrought iron, the marble is with thee. Blessed art thou in any contemporary, modern, or industrial decor, and blessed is the fruit of thy modern art, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us wannabee artists, now and in the hour of our death, amen.

    Adores: 3
  32. 2011 December 25
    Windrose permalink

    This is a huge practical joke, I think. Modern art enthusiasts will get all excited and call about the item, and the seller will laugh and laugh, and say, “No, it’s a joke! Really, it’s something the dog dug up in a field, and it’s rubbish! Now go away, you silly person.”

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 25

      Comma Comma Comma Comma Comma Chameleon…You made art, no…You made art, no…

      Adores: 3
  33. 2011 December 25

    We three commas of wrought iron are
    Supposed to be The Virgin’s hair
    Weird and welded, art that failed
    Sparky’s been smoking tar

    O art we wonder, art of blight
    Art that is a tragic sight
    Eye’s are bleeding, not unseeing
    Sparky go into the light

    Adores: 7
  34. 2011 December 25

    It is really pretty, in an abstract way. But as for anyone named Mary, virgin or otherwise, I just don’t see it. But that may be because I’m not a believer.

    Adores: 1
  35. 2011 December 25

    It’s different and unique alright. Nerky Beesmas everyone. I got gift cards and socks. You?

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 December 26
      Windrose permalink

      Gift card, candy dish, See’s candy, and a book on writing novels. 8) Happy Boxing Day!

      Adores: 0
  36. 2011 December 26
    Windrose permalink

    valarie and ratsy, I’ve always wondered, do rats like gay fish? Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, MOMA!

    Adores: 0

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