You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 435: Taylor-made for your approval.

Written by

drmk

in

Heavy Duty Cabinet/Shelf – $15

I have here a nice heavy duty cabinet/shelf. I put towels on the top and bathroom stuff in the drawers. You can put anything on top and also anything in the drawers. Rather heavy and solid.

Contact Taylor xxx-xxx-xxxx. Call or Text please. Best Regards.

435

Wait a minute, there, Taylor. Are you saying I can put towels in the drawers? Are you sure you want to go that far out on a limb? Do you have anything to back up this wild assertion? I mean, you only ever put towels on the top; are you sure that I can put the towels in the drawers? What if I went totally crazy and put bathroom stuff on the top at the same time? Would my recklessness with cotton balls cause a singularity? Because if so, I can find somewhere else for my Lush bath bombs, I think. This just doesn’t seem safe to me.

Taylor appears to have some very definite ideas about how his/her furniture should be used. There’s a whole series of these posts in which we are instructed on the correct and alternate uses of furniture:

Long Coffee Table – $15

I have an over 5 feet long coffee table. You can put things on it. Very nice to entertain many friends or one big friend.

Contact Taylor xxx-xxx-xxxx. Call or Text please. Best Regards.

435b435c

Set of 2 chairs. – $3

Set of 2 chairs. For mostly sitting, but I won’t judge you.

Contact Taylor xxx-xxx-xxxx. Call or Text please. Best Regards.

435d

All right, that does it. I’m also categorizing this one as trying too hard, because now I think they’re doing it on purpose. It was the “but I won’t judge you” from the chairs that was a bit over the top. Before that it could have just been someone who thought they were being helpful.

I must admit I have a sneaking suspicion Taylor may have submitted his/her own listings. Tsk tsk tsk.

Comments

67 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 435: Taylor-made for your approval.”

  1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
    Igor The Vigorous

    If I was on YSaC, I’d be proud, too.

    1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
      Igor The Vigorous

      Also, on the table post- “Very nice to entertain many friends or one big friend. ”
      Are they thinking of putting your friends on the table? Seriously?

      1. Count Blah Avatar
        Count Blah

        Perhaps Taylor is tacitly encouraging a homoerotic furniture dry-humping party.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-k98bRUOb4g

        Oh, wait…the video depicts an ottoman…never mind.

      2. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        When I was in high school (back in the mid-late ’80s) one of the favorite so-bad-it’s-funny (to teenagers, anyway) pickup lines was (guy to girl): “Wanna come over and help me polish a tabletop?”

        That was what went through my head when I read this.

      3. charro Avatar
        charro

        Wow. Hi Tygor.

        1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
          Igor The Vigorous

          Greetings, friendly mermaid! And/or Charro!

  2. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    My inflatable banana friend? He’s pretty big. Score!

    That first cabinet/shelf thing is actually nice looking, and $15 is not a bad price at all. I’d like to put it in my bedroom, though, so I guess I’m SOL.

  3. JcT Avatar
    JcT

    It is plainly obvious that he is going to pass judgement on you for everything except the chairs, so be EXTREMELY careful what you do with everything except the chairs. Do not anger the Taylor-god.

    If only he was more clear on what “things” I could put on the table and what would be appropriate entertainment for my many friends or one big friend.

  4. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    This Taylor seems a bit possessive of his/her furniture. If I were selling those harvest gold chairs, I would certainly judge whoever bought them. I would judge them guilty on the charges of bad taste and assault on the eyes.

  5. Just Me Avatar
    Just Me

    Yep, it was the “I won’t judge you” comment that pinged for me, too.

    Also, looking at the pics, none of them appear to be from the same source. Kinda lame that someone would go to that trouble to post self-consciously “funny” ads onto Craigslist…like, even lamer than accidentally posting funny ads on Craigslist…or even lamer than reading about accidentally-posted funny ads on Craigslist. (I’ll stop now.)

    1. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
      SoundsLikeVla

      I think they’re from the same source-the same tall baseboards are in all 3-just different rooms.

  6. HorribleLicensePlates Avatar
    HorribleLicensePlates

    Oh the possibilities!!

  7. Ed Snyder Avatar
    Ed Snyder

    Re: the table.

    Exactly what kind of “entertaining” has Taylor been doing on that table? A bunch of small friends or one big friend.

  8. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    i DO put stuff on my coffee table!! and on my chairs, couches, dining table… that reminds me, i need to get a good cleaning service.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      If you can’t find your stuff, there are always listings for boxes of Free Stuff. Get a couple, sprinkle liberally, and voila!

  9. Spizzlefish Avatar
    Spizzlefish

    Oh, Taylor…say it ain’t so. Faux YSaC submissions? I bet you never even put towels on the top of the rather heavy and solid cabinet/shelf.

    I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed.

  10. Sherri Avatar
    Sherri

    I’ve stood on a chair before, to change a light bulb and once to get a cat from a spot where the cat should NOT have been AT ALL and I have no idea how the furry alien levitated her butt up there. But at least I had a chair and no one to judge me on how I used it.

    I’ve climbed on furniture before, too, and even a coffee table, but I was much, MUCH younger then. Said furry alien cat will use such flat surfaces as napping places, which does appear to be outside the purvue.

    I wonder if the coffee table also tells jokes that would entertain my one big friend.

    Yeah, I’m thinking this is a sneaky grab for fame. The targets are too easy.

    1. JcT Avatar
      JcT

      I honestly hope people aren’t really posting on Craigslist with the intention of making it onto this blog. If so, I would have to say to them, “Exactly how pathetic does your life have to be to want to aspire to be called an idiot?”

      1. frigglesnitz Avatar
        frigglesnitz

        Okay, that made me snort out loud. Quite ladylike, doncha think?

      2. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        I must rely on my charming wit and urbane manner to make a name for myself on YSaC. I would never resort to posting a phony ad.

        BTW, do you think I could spruce up the table with some sponge painting? I think it would look lovely with a doxhound finish.

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Try extracting a (very reluctant) kitten from a very small and supposedly sealed A/C duct, then we can talk about aliens.

      For those of you who do not think cats are our alien lords and masters, riddle me this: We work long hours at various jobs (sometimes outdoors in bad weather) while they sleep all day in climate controlled rooms, then WE bring THEM specially bought and prepared food, furniture, and toys AND THEN feel bad when they ignore our offerings.

      1. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        Plus we let them knead us and sleep on us when they weigh 15 pounds, and breathe cat-food breath in our faces and shed on our contrastingly-colored clothing. And if we’re really lucky, they show up when we’re trying to have sex. (Both of mine, consecutively owned without overlap, have done that. I don’t know what to think.)

        1. JcT Avatar
          JcT

          Yes, mine can sense me wearing black clothing from a mile away. She can fling that white-grey hair of hers across the room if I am wearing a black sweater.

          Love the new Avatar, by the way. Very yummy.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          It’s worse if they think you are “playing” and decide they want to play, too. Talk about a mood-killer. It seems nothing is more alluring that two people under a blanket, unless it is a closed bathroom door.

        3. Count Blah Avatar
          Count Blah

          Ah, yes. Gotta love cats who wanna participate in the sex. “What are you doing? Is it fun? I like fun…”

          Last year, I was catsitting a particularly needy and intrusive little bastard. My then-boyfriend was over and…some stuff began to happen. I was distracted at a crucial point by the sound of claws scrabbling; I turned my head to find that the cat was trying to jump on my chest and my partner had his hand on the cat’s shoulderblades, mashing him into the mattress so I wouldn’t be disturbed.

          That’s what I call multitasking. 😀

        4. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          @Count Blah: Multitasking AND thoughtful.
          My current one is very tactile. He likes to lean against you rather a lot. Imagine one’s joy when one is … underdressed and perspiring, and Mr. Boundaries?-What-are-boundaries? comes in and starts rubbing and shedding. As if the “hey, you need help with that condom wrapper?” expression isn’t bad enough.

          JcT – my parents have a black pet and a blonde pet. No matter what one is wearing, contrasting hair will find you and get on you. If I visit, I just accept that I have to pack a clothes brush or be doomed.
          … And thank you.

          *~*~*
          We’ve taken the thread somewhat OT, I hope that’s OK with Taylor …

        5. Isaac Avatar
          Isaac

          Maybe they’d stay out of the room if you would stop meowing and purring during the kinky parts?

    3. tigprincess Avatar
      tigprincess

      So sorry Sherri, but you will not be the person to inherit / buy these wonderful chairs or table or anything since you have no sense at all of the correct usage of furniture. Taylor will need to oversee your use in your current home before letting you come into contact with his wonderful items. As for cats, they are Gods, not aliens. We are their slaves. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

      1. JcT Avatar
        JcT

        That video was adapted from a hidden camera in my bedroom. It must have been.

  11. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
    SoundsLikeVla

    I wish I had one big friend, but instead I only have a plethora of midget friends. I wish he’d included an estimate of how many midgets I could entertain.

    1. ainebegonia Avatar
      ainebegonia

      Big friends are becoming the new token midget. Get one now before all the hipsters snap them up.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Do they come in a set, or do I have to collect them separately?

    2. queensbee Avatar
      queensbee

      of course, you do mean little people. Midgets, so passe. and not PC certainly. Little people. collect the whole set.

    3. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      Get them to sit on each others’ shoulders and then wrap them in a long coat. Then they’ll occupy the same space as one big person. DUH.

      1. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
        SoundsLikeVla

        Mr. SoundsLikeVla points out that he didn’t think I wanted his family in our house anymore…. I didn’t know I had a choice. Wrapping them all in a coat would muffle their sarcatic criticism of everything I do. I might like them better as one big person but then I couldn’t use all my favorite jokes about them being too short to take the high road and other such fluff…

        *Disclaimer* His family is very, very short, but not actually little people, just in case someone who reads this thinks I’d actually mock people with dwarfism. I wouldn’t. I would readily mock someone being purposely ignorant or difficult.

      2. ??? Avatar
        ???

        But midgets wearing a long coat can’t wear sombreros…

  12. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    Two YSaC posts in a row that feature ads with good spelling and punctuation.

    I’m still in my happy place.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      My happy place is filled with balloons and it’s always my birthday but I never get any older. I like it here.

  13. Taylor Avatar
    Taylor

    Excellent submissions! Best Regards.

    1. Ladycrim Avatar
      Ladycrim

      And are you THE Taylor?

    2. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Email addresses don’t match, but those are self-reported.

      1. frigglesnitz Avatar
        frigglesnitz

        Still, without a doubt, suspicion is raised. Who here has ever commented “Great submissions!Best Regards.”? We, the followers of the Lady Llama-Nun, are far and away more verbose.

        Although, equally full of ourselves.

        1. drmk Avatar
          drmk

          That’s Web Boss Llama-Nun to you!

        2. frigglesnitz Avatar
          frigglesnitz

          I lay prone corrected.

        3. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
          Igor The Vigorous

          Hey, oh great Web-Boss Lama lady, this is hypothetical, but…
          What if Taylor thinks this is free advertising ? And doesn’t realize that we would never BUY anything posted here? (Okay, except maybe the giant inflatable Spider Man. But I’m 16, so that doesn’t count.)

    3. Colleen in MA Avatar
      Colleen in MA

      Taylor, aren’t ya gonna tell us how to read the ads?
      Aren’t ya gonna tell us how to comment?

    4. Cyrus Avatar
      Cyrus

      Hmm. Taylor I am voting you off the YSaC island. Pity that I share my middle name with you.

  14. Procrastinator Avatar
    Procrastinator

    The finely tapered legs on the chairs in the second ad look French Prudential to me…

  15. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    If it is a faux-ad in a sorry attempt at YSaC greatness, then where did the pictures come from? Did this Taylor swipe photos from other listings? Our was there a covert operation to snap photos at a friend or relative’s house? (I’m picturing a midnight raid on a grandmother’s house, in full ninja black armed to the teeth with a digital camera. You can insert your own dramatic music, I’m using the theme from Mission:Impossible.) Maybe Taylor is the one who found his/her juicy great-aunt and is now getting around to the rest of the furniture.

  16. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    “You can put anything on top and also anything in the drawers.”

    Really?? The options. I want to put marbles in the shelves and bear cubs in the cabinet.
    Or clown wigs on the shelves, and hummingbird feeders in the cabinets.
    Strap on dildo’s in the cabinets and books of gregorian chants on the shelves.
    So many Options!

    1. Procrastinator Avatar
      Procrastinator

      Interesting collection of stuff you have…ever thought of selling it? That would make a great CL ad.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Especially if you had pictures.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          But if you had pictures of bear cubs wearing strap-ons and clown wigs while putting marbles into hummingbird feeders and preforming Gregorian chants, there would proabably be some jail time involved.

      2. MissBeckett Avatar
        MissBeckett

        I thought perhaps that was stuff you bought off craigslist?

  17. Caro Avatar
    Caro

    For mostly sitting? Wouldn’t that be squatting? Too hard on the quadriceps and arthritic knees, not to mention what that upholstery does to the eyes.

  18. Jami(no "e") Avatar
    Jami(no "e")

    Fantastic! I have been looking for a place to entertain my big friends, I have quite a few of them. Can I only entertain one at a time or can I entertain multiple large friends at the same time with this table? Also, what do they mean by “big?” Do they mean tall or do they mean wide? Or could it be both? These add a whole new factor to the table/ entertaining equation.

    Unfortunately I would have to pass on those chairs, the chairs in my house are mostly used for storing things like books, shoes and clothing no sitting. Oh well, guess I’ll have to find another hideous set of chairs for my piles.

  19. Katy Avatar
    Katy

    Back up a second… people actually put their towels in drawers? They don’t just throw them in a pile and wait for the mildew smell? What a world we live in.

  20. Ray Avatar
    Ray

    Hahaha. Those adds are great!

  21. brashieel Avatar
    brashieel

    Things are getting kinda weird if people are posting fake CL ads and then submitting them here.

  22. vickie Avatar
    vickie

    and see my mind went straight to strip tease/sex on the hideous chair with the do whatever, I won’t judge sentiment…

    1. Cazio Avatar
      Cazio

      A striptease involving a goldenrod chair? Oh my. That…that isn’t sexy at all.

      However, Goldenrod is a decent name for a stripper (or a Chippendale’s dancer).

      1. Traveler Avatar
        Traveler

        Goldenrod would be a great name for a male stripper.

  23. skrib Avatar
    skrib

    Taylor has figured out what initiates the disappearance of drawers. After much research, Taylor has figured out that if you put towels on the top and bathroom stuff in the drawers a drawer will disappear. Entertaining more than one big friend with the coffee table calls up another drawer, but not the drawer of bathroom stuff that disappeared. That’s on Craigslist as a box of free stuff. The conservation of drawers was the principal base of his cutting edge work.

  24. Pete Avatar
    Pete

    Taylor, I have one really, really big friend, and he will be coming over next Tuesday. Will your coffee table entertain him on its own, or should I get a sunburst gold chair or two (sans your judgment, of course) for his entertainment as well?

  25. massromantic Avatar
    massromantic

    That thing is DEFINITELY not big enough for all my Lush bath bombs…

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      Nothing is, if you have as many as you want. (Fellow Lush junkie here.)

  26. leanna Avatar
    leanna

    hahaha i think it’s hilarious! those random funny comments at least make me take more notice of the ad.

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