You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. LXIV

Written by

drmk

in

1986 Zenith 26″ Color TV Console-Cable ready w/remote 75.00/OBO – $75

1986 Zenith 26″ console tv w/remote in Great Working Order and is Cable ready. See pics. Has place on back for plug from antenna or cable box: UHF,VHF,CATV ready. Console swivels. Great for family room or for video games & movies for kids or adults alike. Console wood is in Great Shape. No nicks, dents, scratches. Picture clear and color. Comes with Original Registration card.
Height: 37′ / Length 35″ Any questions, please ask.

Cash & Carry.
Any questions please ask.

My first thought when I saw this was, “Is $75 going to be enough to pay for the DNA test?”

My second thought was, “That poor television, being forced to display daytime talkshows its whole life.” I can’t help but wonder if the Maury Povich logo is burned into the corner.
My third thought, I must admit, was “Why is there a watering can next to the television?”

My fourth thought was “Oooh, I wonder if this is an example of the Belgian Geico era of television design?”

My fifth thought was that I was thinking about the whole thing too much. But then I realized that they said, “Any questions, please ask” — so I figured I was just following directions. I’m obedient like that. And I am being good — I’m not even Mentioning the Random Capitalizations or the fact that at 37 feet high, it’s one really big television.

Comments

33 responses to “YSaC, Vol. LXIV”

  1. Anonie-Moose Avatar
    Anonie-Moose

    Haha this is the best paternity test results clip from Maury:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0joEIFJNEc&feature=related

    I like how catchy music starts playing and the guy is dancing while the girl cries. (Skip to about 20 seconds…it’s hilarious)

  2. wraith Avatar
    wraith

    It is oddly proportioned at 37 feet x 35 in. Don’t they measure tvs diagonally anyway?

  3. Demi Avatar
    Demi

    Did anyone else happen to notice that it appears to be situated in the kitchen? Or am I imagining the tile wall behind it, while it sits next to something akin to a stove? Maybe they didn’t want to have to get up to grab something from their 60 foot tall fridge . . .

  4. Pete Avatar
    Pete

    love it! in fact, i don’t think i’ve ever seen an episode of Maury (i’m assuming that is what is on screen) being played on a TV newer than this.

  5. Dave and the ferret Avatar
    Dave and the ferret

    The TV was designed by the same person as the Stonehenge in This Is Spinal Tap, but I don’t remember the scene where anyone had to prove he wasn’t the baby’s father.

  6. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    This would go great with that 86 foot long couch from a while back.

    It seems a lot of giants use CraigsList.

    1. Lara Avatar
      Lara

      I can picture them sitting on their huge couches trying to hit individual keys on the keyboard and failing so everything is gibberish.

      1. Lara Avatar
        Lara

        I seem to need some help too. That was supposed to be couch

  7. Lara Avatar
    Lara

    They kept an original registration card from 1986?! But they can’t keep track of who they’ve had a baby with.

    1. ToBScholarly Avatar
      ToBScholarly

      The registration card is essential.
      You will need to know who to call when this TV breaks.
      And they will need the registration information.
      So they can then proceed to laugh their heads off when you ask them to repair it.

  8. Lara Avatar
    Lara

    I think sparky has been watering the tv in the hopes it will grow.

    1. Mindfield Avatar
      Mindfield

      It seems to be working.

      Hmmm…

      *puts on wet pants*

  9. TacoMagic Avatar
    TacoMagic

    That’s the way my computer is! It’s always out there, cruising the internet and hooking up with other computers. He tells me he isn’t getting up to anything, but every now and again he ends up with a new virus and I can’t help but wonder how many of his lan partners I don’t know about. I can only imagine how many little computers he’s fathered over the years.

    Eventually I’m going to hear a knock at the door and open it to find a Tandy TRS-80 clutching an iPod shuffle demanding I help her set up a DNA test.

    *Shakes head*

    1. Mindfield Avatar
      Mindfield

      Silly. They don’t need a DNA test. Just a voltometer.

      1. HamCan Avatar
        HamCan

        No DNA test needed, the father is Steve Jobs.

  10. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Preparations for 37′ TV:
    1. Cut hole in ceiling.
    2. Buy 40′ ladder for when remote is lost.
    3. Make hole larger to allow for swiveling.
    4. Install Crow’s Nest seating so we can actually see the screen.
    5. Install elevator to get to seating.

    Okay, I think I’m ready!

    1. Mindfield Avatar
      Mindfield

      The seating will need to be about 50% taller than the TV though. If the screen is that stretched, you’ll need to look down at a considerable angle before everything stops looking like fettuccine. So, best just to get rid of the roof.

      1. HamCan Avatar
        HamCan

        It’s that new fangled Zenith Tesseract 4D TV, one end is in the present, the other in 1986. It’s simply warning you of that little “mistake” you made in 1992 and giving you the opportunity to undo it…

      2. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        *scratch scratch scratch*

        1. Cut off ALL the roof!

    2. christina Avatar
      christina

      Or you could flip it on it’s side and have reeeeeeally wide screen tv..
      What? Televisions from ’86 aren’t equipped with screen orientation? Damn, I’m no good at this time travel business.

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        I remember for ever so long ago (my high school years) reading an SF short story about time travelers. These were illegal time travelers, going about making changes to local events. They were caught out by the temporal police investigator because, when they sat down, they did not hitch up their trousers.

        Details matter, it seems.

        1. Addicted Reader Avatar
          Addicted Reader

          That sounds familiar, I may have read that too. There’s a lot of old SF sitting around my parents’ house.

        2. Innana Avatar
          Innana

          It was a Ray Bradbury story! I remember that one too.

  11. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    DNA test? 1986? TV?

    Apparently there more going on between Micheal J Fox and Justine Bateman than sibling rivalry.

    Family Ties indeed…

  12. ToBScholarly Avatar
    ToBScholarly

    Console wood is in Great Shape.

    That’s what she said.

  13. Jitty Avatar
    Jitty

    I think it is in a bathroom–just imagine sitting on the commode watching Maury while you take a dump. This experience can be yours for just $75 smackaroos.

  14. LimeLolly Avatar
    LimeLolly

    *gasp*
    They had color televisions in 1986?

    AND cable?

    1. HamCan Avatar
      HamCan

      Of course, don’t you remember the Jeffersons?

      *ring*

      Hi Al, nice to hear from you again…

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      You sound like my nieces. The eldest wanted to know if there were cars around when I was little.
      I told her we rode around on dinosaurs, like on the Flintstones.

  15. Skye Avatar
    Skye

    If this is somehow sold before you can buy it, you can get Frank’s 2000″ TV(props to Weird Al)!

    1. HamCan Avatar
      HamCan

      Can I eat your house?

      1. Skye Avatar
        Skye

        Feel free, my real one is made of wooden logs and I haven’t eaten meat in >20 years. Have at it!

        Side note: this is the first time I’ve been asked such a question. Feels good.

  16. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Lou Stool, I hope you enjoyed your day in the box. Here comes the vegetarian Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Radio City Music Hall!

Leave a Reply

More posts