YSaC, Vol. 532: It’s the eye of the … lion.
Okay, in order to keep my sanity I have to believe that someone posted this in hopes of getting on this website. (I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do that, but the mind can make up some crazy stories when it’s trying to keep itself from exploding!) (For some background on this, you might want to check out YSaC Vol. III, which was one of the Craigslist ads that prompted me to start this site in the first place!)
NEED HELP-WHAT ANIMAL IS THIS??
What is this animal?, anyonr know??
This was posted in pets, so it must be some kind of domesticated animal. Well, let’s see what I can do to help out. I’m all about helping, as you know.*
*This may not actually be true.
Lion Tapestry – $5
50% Cotton, 50% Synthetic Fibre. 20″x39″
Ah, I think we’re onto something. Clearly it’s a lion.
LARGE LION PAINTING – $175
LARGE LION PAINTING THESE PAINTING’S ARE BIG ASKING FOR $175COME AS A SET GOOD PRICE THE PICTUR
SPEAK FOR IT SELF
xxx xxx xxxx
GOOGLE LION FRAMED OIL PAINTING
$379.70 new 8 seller ratings Artmasters Collection AC68998-AB54 Lion Framed Oil Painting We offer the highest quality wall decor at great prices.Lion Framed Oil PaintingCanvas Size: 20×24 inchesFramed Size: 32×36 inches.
$360.86 new
22 seller ratings Artmasters Collection AC68998-AB54 Lion Framed Oil Painting We offer the highest quality wall decor at great prices.Lion Framed Oil PaintingCanvas Size: 20×24 inchesFramed Size: 32×36 inches
I took their advice and googled for “lion framed oil painting“. Somewhat surprisingly, the results included pictures of animals that some people seem to call “lions” — but they look nothing like the animals in the pictures above! It’s almost as if these are … not lions!
Seriously, folks: Not. A. Lion.
Thanks to Cydney for the first post and to Eric for the last two. Happy New Years Eve, everyone!
Not a lion? Oh, wow! No wonder I flunked that course in zoology! *makes big note in textbook* Not. A. Lion. Happy New Year, folks. See you in 2010.
did you punch woofless’ card?
oh and Happy New Year all, see you some time in 2010, when the hang over wears off.
*grumble grumble party’s just getting started grumble* Hey. Woofless! Last punch of the year! How special is that?
I feel very special indeed!
Can’t believe I got the YDSAC pick. The comment with all the coffee related puns was much better than mine.
But who am I to argue with the all-knowing Llama?
You guys made my New Year and the circle is now complete—I can now say goodbye to 2009 with a bang (and a laugh).
Seriously, I ain’t lion…!
Happy New Year to YSaC-ers everywhere. And to those of you down under…How’s 2010 going so far?
I can’t stop laughing.
I will never ever be able to look at anything with a tiger in/on it without thinking “Not.A.Lion” Nor will I be able to take my child to the zoo. I just know if we see tigers I will just stand there and mutter over and over “Not a lion. Seriously.” until they escort me out of the zoo.
“I just know if we see tigers I will just stand there and mutter over and over ‘Not a lion. Seriously.’ until they escort me out of the zoo.”
You may well have company: me.
I’ll never be able to look at another box of Frosted Flakes again without hearing Tony the Not.A.Lion bellowing out, “They’re GRRREEAAAAT!”
I think for my sanity, I better stay away from zoos and museums as well (don’t even get me started on what I’d do when I saw the extinct Sabertoothed Not.A.Lion).
If Tony was posting an ad on Craigslist it would probably read “There grate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
where grate? oh, sorry.
Was this dumbass absent that day in kindergarten when they talked about animals? Stevie Wonder could see that this is Not. A. Lion. EVERYONE knows its clearly a elephant. sheesh.
help stamp out teh stupid.
I like the not.a.lion tag, don’t know that I’ve seen it before.
And yes indeed, these are clearly wild versions of not.a.lion.
Ah, yes. The orange striped lion. These animals are native to the stupider parts of the Jungles of Craigslistia, if I recall correctly.
Don’t forget the rare Spotted Not.A.Lion., which is native to the vast savannah of Inner Craigslistia.
omg that made me laugh…with my name being savannah and all
You can’t hide your lion eyes.
“And your smile is a big disguise.”* So big, in fact, that it hides the fact you are a actually tiger.
*It shames me that I have Eagles’ lyrics in my head but not important stuff …
I can’t seem to get “wimoweh wimoweh wimoweh wimoweh” out of my head today.
Make “it” go to sleep already!
neither can I now, thanks mudslicker.
In the Jungle, the Craigslist Jungle, not a lion sleeps tonight! 8)
I think one of the pictures (the tiger?) is saying, “Seriously.”
And the other (the leopard?) is saying, “Not. A. Lion.”
Happy New Year, everyone!
I would SERIOUSLY pay the 175$ for a painting that spoke for itself.
“Hey, hey there, a little lighter on the dusting, missy. Watch the tail…WATCH THE TAIL!!!”
And apparently, though a leopard can’t change it’s spots, a Not-A-Lion can. Looks like they come in variety’s, which I didn’t know before. I’ll take a stripey one, a spotted one, and if I could get one with glitter to match my “many colored” hedgehog, that’d be great.
Perfect way to round out the year!
I dunno, a talking painting? Remember how annoying those singing mounted fish things were?
Good point.
seems my comment further down is awaiting moderation, probably because it has 2 links in it. But I found a couple of spotted ones via google for you.
Just from a “bad photography” point of view, what the heck is the chair doing there? Are the not.a.lions so badly framed that they will topple over if the chair is removed?
How hard is it to take one half-decent, straight-on photo of the crap you want to sell? You can even check that it’s ok in the play-back screen – arrgh. Although it is possible these idiots haven’t worked out that the little picture on the screen is what they’re actually photographing. *finishes rant, goes have cup of tea and nice lie-down*
For scale. Another little known fact that the Not.A.Lion species have scales instead of fur.
bwaaaah!
I didn’t think about scale, but they do give us the dimensions1!1!1! – then again, in the original not.a.lion posting, the dimensions did seem rather elastic.
“Painting’s are big asking for $175.”
That is indeed mighty big of them. And bold, too. It takes a lot of courage to just come right out & ask a complete stranger for that kind of cash.
Especially when it’s obvious they are only PRETENDING to be lions, and when they go home I bet they’ll just spend all the money on booze and hookers. Typical.
…when they go home I bet they’ll just spend all the money on booze and hookers…
I can picture a bunch of Not.A.Lions. sitting around a dim strip club, smoking catnip and stuffing dead mice into the g-strings of panthers while a disco cover version of “wimoweh wimoweh wimoweh wimoweh” plays in the background.
I always have said something along the lines of “This year I am going to spend my tax return on hookers and booze, and I’ll probably waste the rest”
Oh, two more things.
1). This type of “art”, and all the lovely items we see on YSaC, are EXACTLY what I think of when those “Become a better artist” commercials.
“Take this test, and in just a few simple weeks, we can have you drawing, painting, or sculpting Not-A-Lions like a seasoned artist. Call today!!!”
2) My 2 year old nephew now knows that if he runs up to me with a toy tiger, all he has to do is go, “NOT a liiiioooon, aunt Mursis” and he’ll have me in a fit of giggles. He does it about 32 times per visit.
My New Year’s resolution is to learn to stop “lion”
ok, now I’m truly scared for the future of humanity.
I did google it, and it’s not just CL posters that this terrible affliction affects, see…..
http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/245441853/lion_oil_painting.html
http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/223689677/Am_0001_animal_lion_oil_painting.html
At least they’re all three “big cats.” Not even a mountain lion qualifies as a big cat. Lions do, also “lions,” leopards, and jaguars and that’s it! Geez, “lion” guys, call your picture a “big cat” and get away from all the confusion. It’s also words of one syllable, which might help.
… and how many people wrote “not.a.lion” in the message boxes? I filled out one of them (with a polite message because my mother would kill me. She would know. Moms always know.). They wanted contact info. Pish, I say. I put “nowhere@nowhere.com” for the email and it said that account was already taken. 🙂
Mine was from Not@lion.com.
There’s so much else wrong here. What kind of place puts prices on stuff like $397.70 and $360.86? I mean, $X.99 or $X.00, ok, but $X.86? And those measurements. Is there any way that these “paintings” are 30×36? What about the “seller ratings” (whoo-hoo!). Do they have 8 or 22? If that’s referring to each “wall decor”, is one nearly 3 times better than the other? I thought the two different prices were for Lion 1 and Lion 2, but they both have the same “Artmasters Collection” catalogue (har!) number, so what gives there? I’m now beating my head on the wall; hope the decor doesn’t fall down.
Dear CL posters – Please repeat this sentence as many times as necessary, “Stripes and spots do not a lion make.” Thank you and seriously those are NOT. A. LION.
I wonder what goes through these posters’ heads when they watch Wizard of Oz. “Lions and what? and bears? What on earth are they talking about?”
They must think tigers are a type of bear.
I want to dress in a (actual) lion suit, show up at these people’s doors, and procede to pummel them with my synthetic fur paws while screaming “NOT.A.LION! NOT.A.LION!” Seriously, someone needs to teach them a zoology lesson they won’t soon forget.
I think you just created a new style of furryism.
I was waiting for a comment about furries. 😀
Glad to be of service.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back into my squirrel costume.
Does it look like this?
Not.A.Squirrel.
can i come watch?
I’ll put the video on YouTube. Or LiveLeak, if it gets too out of hand.
Ahem. I saw that movie. “Fists of Furries.”
I don’t even care what animal that is.. that is one BADASS medallion style necklace! 😀
Are you sure it’s not PIMPASS?
I think it’s PIMPTASTIC!
I see it so clearly.
Setting: Balcony of a club, 5 minutes to midnight, New Year’s Eve.
I stand. Lonely, looking down the barrel of another year shot to hell, and the last remnants of my scotch.
He approaches with two glasses in hand. He holds one out to me without speaking. Somehow, instinctively, he knows my drink of choice: Scotch and water, but instead of water, a bit of blue raspberry kool aide. I catch a glimpse of something glinting in the midst of his gloriously permed chest hair. It is a pendant. I take a step closer, hoping to make out the image. At first it is obscured by his male chest-plumeage, but then I see it. In all it’s glory, power, and strength.
Me: “How did you know?”
Him: “I could see it in your eyes. The fire. The raw passion. Only a woman with a fierce heart could keep my gaze in that way”.
Me: “I have a lazy eye. It always looks like I’m staring to the left.”
Him: “…”
Me: “But yes, I posess the warrior spirit. The spirit of the great hunter…the Not-A-Lion”
Him: “It is midnight. Kiss me, my wild Not-A-Lioness”.
:::Fade to black:::
When I first read it, I thought that last sentence was:
Him: “It is midnight. Kiss my wild Not-A-Lion Ass.”
Either ending, I loved it Aunt Mursis!
Perhaps more Film Noir:
I looked at the pendant clutched in the man’s hand. A hand which once was used to scrub the dirty floors of the elementry school, now silenced by the bullet that shattered the night like a dropped scotch bottle. I didn’t know the man; but I never know them. Just another dead body on the way to a paycheck.
The killer’s style was always the same, wrap the victim’s head in a tappestry or carpet of some kind and suffocate them. Always the same print on the murder weapon, the same that was on his calling card. No real motive, nothing stolen from the crime scene; just a dead body and a cheap work of art.
I left the pendant in the man’s hand: the police would need it for evidence and I wouldn’t learn anything new from it. I strolled out the door into the night. Another night closer to the next paycheck, and another night chasing the not.a.lion. killer.
What’s with everyone wasting all of the good scotch?
Taco, I first read your piece as starting, “I looked at the pedant clutched in the man’s hand.” And I was momentarily alarmed.
Hours later, I’m still snickering over:
Him: “I could see it in your eyes. The fire. The raw passion. Only a woman with a fierce heart could keep my gaze in that way”.
Me: “I have a lazy eye. It always looks like I’m staring to the left.”
In Soviet Russia, the pictur speak for you.
(posting these only until Ed reappears)
In Soviet Russia, Lion not you!
Year of the Tiger?? I think, not!
Year of the not.a.lion.
Yay! I haven’t checked the site in a couple of days and today two of my posts made it. What a way to end the year.
Happy New Year all!
“If you tell a lie long enough, loud enough, and often enough, the people will believe it.” I would like to personally thank YSaC for facilitating my atrition into Craglist-esque stupidity. I am starting to believe this is in fact, a lion, and that the joke is on us. Maybe there is a blog where people examine our comments in a parallel universe and comment to each other “Is.A.Lion.” Soon the YSaC people will be the revolutionary extremists living in bomb shelters somewhere 92 miles southwest of Mynot, North Dakota brodcasting the last remnants of zoological truth over an AM radio broadcast while the firemen (a la Fahrenheit 451) raid our hideouts and burn our laptops. Burn the books folks, tear down the libraries, and fire up that Nintendo! We have some grey matter to destroy!
Happy New Year fellow YSaC’ers! You have some catching up to do, I have already started celebrating! (Obviously)
Ah, Steve – a kindred spirit. Surely you will agree with me that this whole site is proof beyond doubt of my theory: that the gummint is phasing out fluoride, and instead adding rohypnol and PCP to our drinking water. Which is why I go through so much bourbon.
Drive safely, all.
Wow. That was some terrible spelling. Sorry about that folks.
Hey y’all, Happy New Year. Special thanks to drmk & dan. Talk with you in 2010.
Quolls or native cats (genus Dasyurus) are carnivorous marsupials, native to Australia and Papua New Guinea. Adults are between 25 and 75 cm long, with hairy tails about 20-35 cm long. Females have six to eight nipples and develop a pouch—which opens towards the tail—only during the breeding season, when they are rearing young.
What kind of animals have 6 to 8 nipples? That’s just wrong. Do they take a poll to decide? I wish they’d make up their minds already.
Good quoll picture at hhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:SpottedQuoll_2005_SeanMcClean.jpg
Hard to believe it’s Not.A.Cat. Check the excellent whiskers.
The pouch opens to the rearing of the young? Wow, that was some good beer. And sherry. And whiskey.
I got my daughter to come in and “look at more lion pictures”. I’m pretty sure she thinks I have totally lost my mind at this point. I could have sworn I heard her mumbling something about posting to CL for a new mom as she left the room. So if you see an ad looking for a maternal figure that can drive her to the library and knows her basic animals, that would be her.
We don’t have a college fund for her. It’s a therapy fund. She’ll need it when she finally escapes.
No shit. Wow.
Dev, good grief! I’m guessing that the people posting not.a.lion paintings second-hand on craiglist weren’t actually big-cat lovers, but just bought some art to match their bed-sheets.
Papasloth, i’m slightly confused, but it could be the new-years-eve blue cheese and wine fest kicking in……(i’m hiding at the computer while the children wear themselves out with Daddy)
Happy New Year to all YSaCers! May the new year be full of peace, happiness, and lions. Or not.a.lion.s. Whichever they look like to you.
The description actually says “Lion Framed Oil Painting,” not “Framed Oil Painting of a Lion.” They are expensive because it’s difficult to compress a lion into a frame.
“Big Cat” is also a misnomer. This is a big cat.
When I was a little (something like 4 years old), and I’d never seen a lioness before, I used to think tigers were female lions. Luckily I learned the difference somewhere along the way. Wonder what excuse these people on craigslist have… :p
But why did the Not. A. Lion. frame the oil painting when clearly the butler did it?
Well. It is usually the butler. But in the case of Not.the.Lion it’s probably the flying monkey’s who did it. Those damn monkeys are the cause of all evil theses days. Then again maybe it was the butler.
Haaaaaaaaaaappy New Year! ::hic::
Happy New Year from your resisdent lurker!!
Do we get both of those lion paintings for $175? That’s pretty good, considering that they’re real oil paintings by real art masters.
Wow. Mocking African American decor is kind of offensive… not ironic, as you intend… Just sayin’
At which point does anyone point out that this is African-American? And even if they do not, what, to your thinking, makes it so? The style of the second one actually seems slightly Asian to me, but that’s not the point, which is the fauna-based cluelessness of the seller. Also, this being the internet, how do you know posters on here are or aren’t African of any type?
You’re making assumptions. Just sayin.’
Not to mention that characterizing animal art as “African American” is a bit offensive in and of itself. But I shall now back out of this argument before it gets heated.
I must concur with Lola. It seems to me, since your post is the first time the words “African American” are mentioned, that nobody was mocking said ethnicity’s art, and your assumption that they were is therefore false.
Enjoy the Not.A.Lion-ness of these posts, and let’s leave race out of it, hmm?
I’m tired of biting my e-tongue. You, Emily, are the one stereotyping. The ONLY one. So, being a Not. A. Lion, the artist must be of African heritage, since they are, of course, the only people ever to have an interest in Not. A. Lion.’s, let alone making art depicting them. You’re saying that only black people would have something like this around thier home? Or are you saying that African Americans are so uneducated that they cannot differentiate between the animals of thier ‘homeland’. Most black people in Amnerica are NOT from Africa, nor are thier ancestors. Most African have never seen a Not. A. Lion. in real life. Everyone knows that it is an unspoken law that only black people of African heritage can have animal art in thier homes. Man, if you’re Mexican, Spanish, white, British, Indian, etc and have animal art in your home, the Reverend Jesse Jackson will be on your house with a quickness, crying racism, right? I must be black, having pictures of hippo’s, giraffes, chettas and Not. A. Lion.’s in my room. Oh, no, wait. I was born and raised in Queen Elizabeth Lake Park, Uganda, Africa, so I’m allowed. So I’m still African-American, technically speaking. I’m relieved that I am exempt from the unspoken law.
Win.
What? Tigers don’t live in Africa. Lions do, but the whole point is that these are…..ahhh forget it.
I love when people show their bigotry while trying to call someone else racist.
You are a class act Emily
In a world where most of us grew up with Winnie the Pooh (or, for today’s kids: My Friends Tigger and Pooh, 2007-present, The Disney Channel), this is completely unacceptable.
I really didn’t know people had this much trouble understanding the difference between the two.
Although I did have a long argument at a bar last night on whether Voltron was made of robot tigers or robot lions.
Voltorn was robot ligers, you ninny.
I love that the last two pictures are obviously not of the same animal, and yet BOTH are categorized as lions.
In response to What Animal is This:
That, my friend, is a member of the species Panthera tigris, commonly known as a “lion.”
This YSaC post is the second result in a Google search for “lion framed oil painting”. 😛
can you send this article of your to subscribers in upcoming newsletter ?