YSaC, Vol. 567: You say Provincial, I say … something else.
2010 February 4
It’s time to revisit one of YSaC’s favorite furniture styles. That’s right, folks, it’s French Prudential time again!
french prevention type of furniture
Glass Top Coffee Table, French Prevential Period – $300
French Provential Couch, Love Seat, Chair – $200
French Proventional Dresser – $35
French Providential Dresser and end table set
Couch & Chair-French Provision – $1500
Wall Clock – French Provisional 24″ – $15
And this one combines two of our favorites!
Armoir – Classic French Pronvicial – $99
Thanks to Jennifer, Jen, Elizabeth, Gareth, Lisa, Brian, and Mary for the submissions!
[Edited 11:14 to add: Jonathan found another one today!
FRENCH POVENTIAL LIVING / SOFA/CHAIR – $1200
Sigh.]
I’ll take French Prevential Period for $300, Alex.
I’ll take Dictionary Deficient for $100, Alex.
If I’ve said it once…I’ve said it, at least twice now: the internet is a RESOURCE. I keep thinking someone who would use said resource to sell something, might also have the ability to look up some information about that item. You know, like how much to ask for it, how many others are for sale…how to spell the name of the item. But I am shown again how much I overestimate the Craiglist user.
Not to mention humanity in general.
I think you’ll find that in Wikimanity.com
Oh…the humanity.
And yet one must assume that at least some of these listings are effective in that someone actually responds to the add.
And isn’t bothered by or aware of the spelling issues.
*climbs on soapbox*
As long as we (in the general sense) accept news anchors and talk show hosts and interviewers who butcher the language with “him and me” “me and my friend” “her and him” etc. the language will continue to fall apart.
*climbs down from soapbox*
I’d love the Wall Clock, but I’m worried about what it might become after the Provisional period is over. I mean, what if Classical Greek is next? That would *totally* clash with my ammoir and my otumon.
(black and white film with depressing music in background)
Are you tired of… this?
(image of woman struggling to eat french fries)
Or… this?
(image of same woman unable to use simple household items due to a rideeculos fa-rench aacent)
Or even… THIS?
(man tries to eat ice cream, silly moustache gets in the way)
Well no more!
(color suddenly returns to screen)
Now with our patented French Prevention furniture, you don’t need to worry about pesky French related things interfering in your daily life! It’s so easy!
(picture of woman smiling near FP furniture)
Time and time again I found myself SURROUNDED by the French. It was frustrating. Cigarette smoke everywhere. Talks about art. Speaking in French. Berets… I couldn’t take it anymore! But now, thanks to French Prevention, that’s all behind me. The day the furniture arrived was one of the best in recent memory. They took one look at my beautiful new living room set and took off running. Thank you, French Prevention. You’ve made my life as an American even better!!
What material is this furniture made from that it causes French people to flee before it?
Cheez Whiz, deoderant, humility, a bunch more, too many to list, n’est-ce pas?
Deodorant, definitely deodorant.
Either that or French Preventional furniture is sold exclusively through Wal-mart and only comes in stars and stripes patterns.
But wait! There’s MORE! Call within the next 15 minutes and we’ll throw in this beautiful provisional French wall clock ABSOLUTELY FREE! This patented, temporarily French clock is a $40 dollar value, but its yours FREE when you buy any of our French Prevention home furniture!
No matter how I tried, I could NOT read that without the intrusive voice of Billy Mays reaching, from beyond the grave, into my brain’s reading cubby.*
*Depending on where he is, I bet he’s selling either harps or pitchforks.
Better than the Shamwow guy’s voice.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html
He’s an embarrassment to his country of origin.
I wonder if he told her that she was going to love his n…not going there.
There’s a rap version, FYI.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA
He likes the Germans. I wonder if he’s racist.
(we haven’t gone *there* for at least 72 hours)
mudslicker, Al Sharpton’s on line 1 for you.
Oh goodie sarajean. I’m transferring Rush Limbaugh to you so I can talk to Al.
*we’re like ~that~ you know*
French Pronvicial is fairly racey, even for the internet. But I guess rule 34 applies.
Funny, I thought it had something to do with prawns… however I suppose rule 34 could STILL apply.
I thought that too… then I flashed back to my days in the dormitory. Guys hanging out talking about hot pr0n.
Ok, so that may not have ever happened.
The talk of the hot pron or the days in the dormitory?
Guys sat around your dorm discussing cooked shellfish? What did you major in, the hospitality industry?
You’re such a French Pervential, Tacomagic.
Didn’t lost_compass already Rule 34 this a while back? I seem to recall a particularly steamy furniture rub down.
Lola: no, hot as in spicy. Shrimp with chili sauce.
Furniture pron?
Of course they have it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aodpb3vFU0
(Link is NSFC/NSFW but very funny)
Darn, I can’t get my netbook to play the video. I never thought I’d be disappointed that I was unable to watch furniture.
They have to film it in France because it’s illegal to do that stuff in the US.
“Providential dresser and end table set”? Really? So…you wished for the set, and it appeared? Or was there an altar of some kind involved? The sacrifice of a black rooster in a white chalk circle? Was it brought to your doorstep by some unnamed and unseen emissary of the Lord?
No?
Deus ex carpentera, then? Was it…immaculate carpentry?
If the answer to any of those is yes, I can totally see why there’s no price listed. Only the right buyers will make their way to you. Or you’ll wake up one morning and it’ll have vanished. Providence brought it to you, providence will take care of getting rid of it, right?
Veni Vidi Constructum Futon:
I came, I saw, I built a futon.
Veni Vidi Vici ….
a bunch more, too many to list.
Veni Vidi Visa
I came, I saw, I bought [furniture]
I came, I read, I’m impressed TM knows the proper Latin for “I built”.
and here I thought he would have used Erectum…*
*as in “ancient Etruscan erector set”
But that would have drawn attention to his massive link.
I believe sarajean, that horse has already left the barn with TM holding the reins. If it would draw any more attention to his massive link, he would wrap it in chaser-lights.
Where do the furniture gods fall in the YSaC pantheon?
It depends on whether they have bad knees or not. If they do, they’ll definitely try to “cushion” the blow and then use their “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” necklace alarm to call for help.
*nyuk nyuk*
LoL
and with that thought Graham…they fall mainly in the kitchen!
Where they oughta be! Make me some manna and ambrosia, bitch!
Gives new meaning to the word pots’npantheon...
(oh yes, that’s DEFINITELY a word)
ah yes!!! furniture ex machina!
i do like the idea of providential furniture. it has great pith.
French prevention, eh? I guess a dental dam would work.
OT: Is anyone else irrationally grossed out by the phrase “dental dam”?
I pretend that it’s spelled “dental damn”…
That’s what happens when you don’t floss, children! DAMNED.
Dentures of the Damned!
Not as terrifying as Bridge of the Damned!
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
…oh, wait. Different bridge.
You must answer me these questions three.
What is your name?
What is your quest?
What…is the proper spelling of French Provincial?
“Dental dam” always sounds to me like something you put in your mouth, not something you put on something else to protect your mouth. My father worked on a damn dam, and it was made of about fifty kabillion tons of concrete. The idea of that plus my mouth (or someone else’s bits) is a total mood kill. For me, anyway. I’m sure there’s rule 34 concrete somewhere.
You’re thinking waaaay too logically Lola.
Mouth condom? Hmmnn…
That’s essentially the concept, though less fitted. A latex barrier. Mmm, tasty. *gag*
Better than getting infected with E. coli, I suppose.
Graham, I was trying to not let my mind go there, but you shoved it into place. Thanks!
*feels queasy*
I just don’t want the kids out there to get the impression that we don’t support slightly safer sex. 😛
Mmmm, minty!
We certainly do support it. Or at least, I do. For other people, if they want to participate in that particular variety. I stay safe by not doing that at all!
Mudslicker: For some reason, no amount of professional dental-grade mint flavor can make up for the forcible rape of my oral cavity by the hygienist.
Jeez, Graham, I am shocked, appalled and scandalized that you would speak of such a thing here! We have a forum for that.
Oh? Does the oral hygienist (is this a euphemism?) often use a dental dam on your oral cavity? Hmmmm…m’kay.
Well, from having probably too much husbandry in my formative years, but “dental dam” always seems to beg the question of “dental sire?”
And, that query bears no further cogitation lest one reduce their brains to the level of the stars of CL . . .
Maybe I played too much Oregon Trail as a kid. I hear “provision” and think of supplies to put in my covered wagon. I don’t recall buying any chairs or couches at the General Store, though…..
Stephanie has died of {ebola}.
TacoMagic has died of {infected papercut}.
SaraJean has died of {Not.A.Lion. attack}.
Llamanun has died of {French Prudential}.
At least no one drowned in 1″ of river water…. Yeah I’m gonna ford this river. What do you mean EVERYONE DIED WHILE CROSSING?? YOU SAID THERE WAS ONLY AN INCH OF WATER IN IT!
Great game, I loved it as a kid but 90% of the time I died from malaria.(In the dead of winter. Where in the heck were all those mosquitoes coming from?) Then when you played again you could see the tombstones of your previous selves. Lots of fun, I can’t imagine why there hasn’t been an updated version released. They could include bear attacks and smallpox.
I think they do for iPhone.
http://www.virtualapple.org/oregontraildisk.html
TacoMagic has died of a failed {Haiku Heimlich}.
Darn, I wanted to die of syphlis. Then I could haunt people, pretend I was a 12 year old boy, and steal their Rogaine.
What? You have problems stealing deodorant? Or is that a Secret?
*haha I crack me up this morning*
Sarajean was raised from the dead by {Cleric}.
Sarajean died of {Syphilis}.
*steals TacoMagic’s Rogaine and deodorant*
Now I’m off to drain batteries and make odd noises on a second-rate ghost-hunting show!
*insert spooky ghostly laugh here*
Don’t forget to mess with their EMF detector. They hate it when you do that.
oh oh oh oh, do me do me do me! I want to die! How’d I die?!
ummm…
Meredith died of {posting her death wish on a public forum frequented by deranged people}*
*oh stop it. it wasn’t a threat.
Emesis died of { fire ant inhalation}
*
Hey, I want to die of something obscure!
*pouts* *kicks dirt with shoe*
Coco died of {second-hand smoke|Cushing’s disease|cysticercosis}
GrahamT died of {shot by the sheriff while trying to shoot the deputy}
I shot the PO-lice but I did not shoot his head lice..
lalala
TacoMagic died of {auto-erotic asphyxiation} (fingers were too sexy even for him to ignore)
WooHoo, died thrice!
mudslicker died of {divided by zero}.
Your party said: OH SHI-
Hey, I want to die! All my friends are doing it!
*I take my unbreakable diamond tether from my Bag of Holding and anchor myself. I mock those falling into an incalculable abyss.*
Who’s laughing at the game geek now?
HellHathNoFury died of {suffocated in squirrel costume}.
Darn. And here I wanted to die of {HYPNO DOG}.
GrahamT died of {in Soviet Russia overthinking}
Hooray! I died of THREE obscure things!
Mudslicker died of {HYPNO-DOG rabies}.
Coco died of {lupis}.
Oh, please, it’s never lupus.
+many for the House quote, not seen one of those on here for some time
Died from {apoplexy brought on by reading a correctly categorized, punctuated, spelled, workable, realistic, tasteful, non-asshat, humane, eye-pleasing, non-slimy, Turing-tested, conceptual, mathematically-correct Craigslist Ad}.
What? Oh. I guess survival is pretty much guaranteed, then.
Can it at least be Coco died of {canis lupus}? That way, I might rise again to attack unwary tourists on the moors by the light of the moon!
Coco died of {Baskerville Lupus}
Coco died of {Professor Remus Lupin}
Boo. Lupus sucks. I know because I have it. <—DEBBIE DOWNER
Heather died of {Captian Buzzkill Syndrome}.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP DYING RIGHT NOW.
But Stephanie I want a cool death too! It’s not my fault I got to the deathday party late. The boss had the gall to make me work today.
christina died of {necrotizing fasciitis}
Personally, I love French Provisions. A little Brie, a little Grey Poupon, a nice baguette, perhaps some creme brulee for dessert. Not sure what sauce would make a couch and chair palatable, though.
You forgot the croissant and Johnny Depp!
Why must you bring up my deepest breakfast cravings all the time? Yes, both of them…mmmmm, yumma yumma.
naked mole rat math:
Johnny Depp + Couch = very palatable.
Meredith, camille brought it up.
I was merely trying to fill the obviously glaring black-hole void of Depplessness.
Meredith is right, Mud. That sort of behavior is depplorable.
Ooh, I like this new Deppth perception.
I perfer my furniture Hickory smoked, actually.
That only comes as a French providential hickory smoked feuton.
Started on my couch for breakfast, and mmmmm. So fa so good.
*just……groan*
I had a mutt that ate my mattress leaving only the springs. He did this while my mother was at work and I was at school. At least I hadn’t made the bed that morning.
was he part Springer Spaniel?
Nope, that’s why he left the springs I suppose.
I just hope he wasn’t part Barko Lounger then kelli.
I am not reclined to even justify that with a response.
Looking at the snarky slant you take at life, I would say you’re more inclined TM.
TM is obviously an upright citizen.
Really? I’ve always thought of myself as being very plane.
TM, you’ve always struck me as a convertible foldout type. (Massive link and all, I mean …)
Oh yeah. It folds out. And out, and out, and out. By the time its all unfolded, it’s so long it’s basically unusable. Sheesh.
So are we saying that my link is like the mobius strip of the internet?
I was thinking more like one of those rolling paper New Year’s Eve noisemakers.
Either way, it’s as sexy as hell.
Hell: The new little black dress of the afterlife.
That was sofa king cheesy.
Beurre noir, of course.
I would go with Beurre Blanc, unless it’s a brocade. Then you might want a nice raspberry coulis.
Flee in terror, it’s ChthulhuBob TentaclePants!
Who lives in a mythic land under the sea?
Ancient and squamous and sleeping is he!
That is not dead which eternal can lie,
And with strange æons even death sure may die!
Squidbob ‘Thulhupants!
Squidbob ‘Thulhupants!
Squidbob ‘Thulhupants!
Squidbob ‘Thulhupants!
Squidbob ‘Thulhupants!
(from John Kovalic’s “Dork Tower” comic)
* Googles “Dork Tower”*
Holy Saint Gygax!
*Finds Dork Tower archives*
I’ll see y’all next month.
Damn, guess I’ll have to go back to mutually stalking my stalker.
Poor TacoMagic, all alone with his massive link.
You have fun, now.
I see these every day on CL. Sad.
..and for that, we here at YS@C light 100 votive candles of thanks daily!
i’ve always wanted a french povential living sofa/chair.
AAAACK! RUN! IT’S A LIVING SOFA CHAIR!
Once, when I was little, I had a dream about this chair that was chasing me around the house trying to eat me. I recall very clearly that it had squeaky wheels and a cracked, tan leather seat. I also recall that my mother never forced me to take a nap, ever again, after the violent screaming fit that ensued.
When I was 15 I dreampt that a giant bottle of ketchup was chasing me with the very same intent of consuming me. Now I laugh evilly whenever I use ketchup.
“Try to eat me will you, well take that!” *Dips french fry in pool of ketchup* “Bwahahahahahahaha.”
…and this is why you never watch a double-feature of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Killer Clowns from Outer Space when you’re impressionable and only 15!
If you watch Return of the Killer Tomatoes you get to see a very young George Clooney.
Personal favorite – Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungles of Death.
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama here.
SJ – Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death was the first movie I ever owned on DVD.
Bolero! Licorice!
Thank you, Bunny, you’ve really put my thoughts in perspective.
I had it on VHS way-too-many-years ago, I have yet to find it on DVD.
French Prevential Period = a new type of Gallic birth control
Hi folks,
sorry, seriously lacking in snark today, or comments of any kind really. I’m still recovering from the killer migraine I had yesterday I guess.
You’re forgiven. But just this one time only ever.
Just do what I do: hire a bunch of monkeys to post your comments. They’re bound to get a good one eventually.
I just let the cats run over my keyboard. monkeyratchetporcupinecranberry
you say that as though you think you have a choice sarajean.
My friend’s cat can almost type out kill… It’s kinda creepy.
dev, once the batteries in my shock collar run out I will.
*BUZZZT!*
(twitching) Sorry, Firefly. I didn’t mean it. No, not ag…!
*BUZZZT!*
I’m to the point I don’t think I’ll be able to spell that correctly again. Ever…
you mean French Predantial, Preventional, Providential, oh I give up
I’m in the same boat. I think that if I went to a furniture store I would be totally confused. Although why I would go to a furniture store when I can get such fine offerings from Craigslist I have no idea.
These Craigslist advertisers are all amateurvincials, anyway.
So, let’s see… we’ve got Prudential, Prevention, Prevential, Provential, Proventional, Providential, Provision, Provisional, Pronvicial, Povential… and a bunch more, too many to list.
Today’s comment was brought to you by the letter P and the number 10.
Is it me, or does French Prudeential sound kind of uptight and no fun? I want the party-hearty “Louis Cathouse” [sic] stuff for my next Bastille Day orgy.*
*And why not an orgy? Since de Sade was imprisioned there, it’s only fitting.
I could use something to prevent the French. Those French, with their eating of the snails and losing of wars in weeks. We must prevent them at all costs.
I agree – prevent the French but keep their bread, toast, kissing, dressing and silk pie. Oh and their coffee press and coffee roast.
And when you capture one of the coffee presses (spoils of war and all), please send one this way. My dad wants a French coffee press so badly I fear it’s bordering on lust.
…er, yeah.
Is anyone else mostly out of awesome today? I think we used too much yesterday, and we have to recharge or something.
Or possibly a case of French Prudential flu going around the commenters.
Windrose! Get ta punchin’! HHNF is in the box today!
In Soviet Russia…
… HHNF boxes you? I’d pay to see that.
How much, exactly?
Do you take plastic or checks? ‘Cause I only have about $30 on me right now.
I may pay more depending on what both of you are wearing.
I think we both take PayPal.
What kinds of costumes would encourage you to contribute more?
I have a PayPal account.
Something simultaneously more (possibly even over the top) and less, if you get my drift.
Hmm… I think I can whip up something appropriate for the situation.
There’s an extra $50 in it for you if you incorporate a codpiece … how you do so is up to you.
Done and done.
I didn’t notice I was in the box until almost midnight. My powers of deduction are unsurpassed, I know. I wimped out of this boxing match, but as soon as I get my squirrel costume and my flogger back, you’re on, Graham. Don King on line 1….
We have French prevention..erm..prudential..uh..providential…hmmm..preventidatlal…oh ferget it…we gots furniture, too many to list.
In my local CL there is currently a “Girls French Provencal Bedroom-$175”. and “FRENCH PROVISIONAL BREAKFRONTDISPLAY CASE – $300”
I’d love a breakfrontdisplay case filled with French provisions….not so sure about french provencal girls in a bedroom though.
In my area I’ve got two nice ones:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!FRENCH PRONICIAL LIVINGROOM SET!!!!!!!!!
and
Stunning Off-White French Providential 9 Pc. Living Room Set – $3800
Is it wrong that I was disappointed to find that in my local CL postings it was spelled correctly more often than not?
I was very disappointed in mine, only a few “provential”s, nothing really exciting.
Hey Hey HEY! Look who is in the Don’t Suck box! I’d punch you if you didn’t look so Pi faced! LOL Congrats and stuff too.
I wasn’t gonna say anything, but it kinda turned me on when she listed Pi out to the 12th decimal place.
*blushes*
Aw, thanks you guys.
This is odd. And possibly French. The ads today were all about lighted furniture when I first jumped in. Home page was all pet hotels. Now in here again it’s Chinese antique Furniture. Was there a Chinese Prudential period?
No, but there was a Chinese Chippendale period, which you just KNOW is rendered on CL as “Chinese Chip n Dale.” Regular Chippendale (not to be confused with Chippendales dancers, though I am sure many do) is probably also rendered as “Chip and Dale” furniture, thereby causing confusion to people who just want Disney collectibles and just find all of this old boring furniture.
Love you all, see you tomorrow with any luck. 8)
“And this one combines two of our favorites!
Armoir – Classic French Pronvicial – $99”
Considering that they managed to spell “armoir” correctly, I’m willing to be charitable and call “pronvicial” a typo. It has all the right letters, just in the wrong order. Of course, anything with “pron” in it is automatically a billion times more awesome.
Mostly correctly. It’s armoire. I’ll grant you that it’s not as bad as armwah, or some of the other abominations we’ve seen, but it’s still not right.
Wah la with liver patio on a crackhor!*
*as the French CL-ers say!
Corey point for our Llama-nun!
*goes and hides back under the covers to wait for 2 feet of snow coming*
Argh! And I thought I had escaped having my sense of spelling and grammar ruined by reading bad Craigslist ads! It’s gotten to the point where “armoir” looks right to me.
Don’t feel bad. It looks right to me, too. *shuffles back to Grammar and Spelling Nazism 101*