YSaC, Vol. 572: It’s not just Craigslist, Vol. 4
2010 February 9
Every so often it’s good to remind ourselves that sucking is not limited to Craigslist. This one comes to us from Kijiji.com:
Red long wool coat sz. 16-18 – $25
Smoke/pet free. Likenew condition. Velour collar, buttons, cuffs. Very warm and elegant. Lost weight. Pic does no justice!
It’s true, my lovely no-longer-size-16-18 lady. The picture of this coat does it no justice. Perhaps that might have something to do with the fact that you took the picture of the coat on the floor of your garage, next to your lawn mower and hose reel?
And on eBay Australia, we find this:
Title: Stuffed lion LAST TIME LISTING
Buy It Now Price: $5.00
Description: stuffed lion – good condition
Yes, those four words are the entire description. No, that’s Not. A. Lion.
Thanks, Nathalie and TimP!
How did the coat get this oil stain? Is there a button missing? It’s red, can I take it for free? Does it come with a stuffed Not. A. Lion? Lots more questions, too many to list.
Nice to see the Not.A.Lion phenomenon has gone international.
A Not.A.Lion.? In Austrailia?
It must have escaped from the zoo.
Or the Not.A.Zoo.
Naaw. If it escaped from the zoo it’d have “Property of the Zoo” stamped on it!
If it escaped it would have Not. Property. of. a. Zoo stamped on it, wouldn’t it?
Not.Property.of.Not.a.Zoo?
The double negative turns that back into “property of zoo” …
But Lola, the Not.A.Lion turns it into a triple negative – Not.A.Lion stamped Not.Property.of.Not.A.Zoo must be at least one of those things. If only we knew which!
ok quit that, before my ears start to bleed
@sj: “phenomenon” = “epidemic of zoological-based ignorance”?
Sounds slightly better than “halfwitted international asshattery.”
I don’t know 🙁
Sadly I am Not.A.Zoologist
I’m wondering how the coat lost weight. Did it have a removable liner that you took out? Did the drycleaners put it on the Atkins diet? Or maybe you just hacked off the bottom four inches (not pictured) with gardening shears? (That would explain how it wound up in the garage.)
Has anyone seen the movie Jesus Camp? It’s a documentary about an Evangelical Christian camp, and while the whole movie is a little disturbing, the part that bothered me most is that the main pastor lady was giving a speech with a stuffed lion that actually Was.A.Lion and she kept calling it a tiger. I understand mixing up a cheetah and a leopard or something like that, but why is lion identification such a challenge for Americans (and apparently the world)? Does it look like Simba? Yeah? Okay fucker, that’s a lion. Does it look like whatever that bad guy in The Jungle Book was? Yeah? Well that’s not a lion then, is it?
What are you talking about that Lion looks exactly like Simba.
{corey}It’s Shere Kahn( the Not.A.Lion. from The Jungle Book{/corey}
I just discovered something really freaky over at the font of all alleged knowledge, that’s Wikipedia, to you.
Shere Khan (Bengal Tiger); sher is a word for “lion” in Hindi.
The coat comes with a bonus – it is scented with eau de Gasoline. Wear it to any NASCAR event and you’ll be up to your gimme cap in men.
You’ll have to beat them off with a (dip)stick.
Oh Not. A. Lion. How you brighten my day.
Is it possible that the Lion is stuffed INSIDE the Not.A.Lion?
We’re fooling Mrs. Johnson. We’ve switched her lion with an alternate feline species. Let’s watch.
Sorry Ms. Jackson, ooooooooooooooh, I am for reeeeaaaaaaaaaal.
Never meant to make your daughter cry
but I am really Not.A.Lion
Sorry Ms. Jackson, ooooooooooooooh, I am for reeeeaaaaaaaaaal.
A real Not.A.Lion.
“Likenew”? I like that word. Or, I likethat word. “Now, from Nabisco, it’s ‘Likenew!'”
I much perfer the evil catchphrase at the end:
Pic does no Justice!
Although it needs a follow up line:
Pid does no Justice! Pic only does Villainy!
Oh, I forgot. There should also be some evil laughing after that.
Fun Fact: I practice my evil laugh around the house. It’s actually one of Tico-Taco’s favorite sounds. However, having a baby squeal with glee after a good deep evil laugh does throw your game off.
I can’t do an evil laugh. I almost choke to death. Listen:
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA… *cough* *hack*
*wheeze*
See? Evil laugh fail! 🙁
Try more diaphram, you may be pushing too hard with the top of your throat. Try singing the evilness from your belly rather than expulsing it from your throat.
Oh, and make sure to sell all your band candy.
I don’t have a deep enough register for a proper Evil Laugh. I end up sounding like a homicidal squirrel.
I don’t have to use my evil laugh to scare people.
A good evil laugh isn’t neccisarily about scaring people, it’s about maintaining a certain standard as a villain.
Maybe I should look into getting a voice coach.
I do already have a snazzy set of goggles.
I thought you were a homicidal squirrel sarajean! I am so disappointed now.
It took me all day before I realized I spelled pic incorrectly the second time. Damn the 5 minute edit time limit.
It’s crucial to pronounce likenew as a three-syllable word.
It rhymes with hick canoe.
Which might also be in that garage TRUST ME.
I always feel incredibly elegant when I’m lying on a garage floor wedged between a lawnmower and a hose reel. That jacket is perfect for me. It’ll probably be too big for me, but that’s just a minor detail. I’ll be so elegant in that jacket that they’ll need a new word for elegant!
Oh and, I just remembered. Last night during class my professor was going on about how girls in ancient Greece were likened to bears, so instead of writing that down I drew a picture of a bear, but it looked more like a lion, so I had to label it Not.A.Lion.
I always feel incredibly elegant when I’m lying on a garage floor wedged between a lawnmower and a hose reel.
Thanks for the coffee*snort!!
New word for elegant? “Likenew.” See? See how good that works?
{corey}That “hose reel” actually appears to be a stroller caster wheel leaning against a single brace camera tripod laying on it’s side.
Sorry for understanding.{/corey}
I think the hose reel is to the left in the picture, behind the lawnmower. It looks to me like the stroller caster wheel is attached to the aluminum pole, which would make it unlikely to be a camera tripod. Maybe it’s a camera monopod. {corey}
Monopod! That was the word I was looking for instead of “single brace tripod”.
I missed that “single brace camera tripod” = monopod. Sorry for misunderstanding.
My dictionotomy failed me this morning. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to have that dark, bitter drink that is brewed from the beans that come from the trees of the Rubiaceae family.
Can’t remember what it’s called.
Guinness?
A day that starts with Guinness is either a very awsome day, or a very depressing day.
Of course I live in Wisconsin, so every day begins with Guinness.
I don’t know what the thing is to the right; I assumed the thing to the left behind the lawn mower was a hose reel.
Semantic pedantic note: this is precisely why I said “next to” the lawn mower and hose reel, not “between”.
Somebody else said between.
Right. I semantically pedantically did not! 😉
Refrigerator.
{corey} Actually, dude, it’s DA stroller caster wheel leaning against a MINTY single brace camera tripod. {/corey}
Actually I think it’s the lawnmower that’s minty.
Only if they throw in the tranny.
I think the tranny left his coat….
Huh… I thought Taco meant the lawnmower used a breath freshener. It would help rid it of the gasoline smell…
Her coat?
Yeah, but those mints don’t fool the brethalizer.
Man, I remember one time I got pulled over and they made me take the test. Bam, blew 6 gallons of unleaded even after taking a fist-full of mints.
He ended up only giving me a warning though, said that next time he caught me without premium on my breath he’d make me chug fuel additive until he was satisfied with my octane rating.
aw shucks, I wanted a minty coat!
What about a minty shell, Lara? Would one constitute an acceptable substitute?
Yeah, but there’s only one…so why bother? I mean, really…
The free smoke is probably from the lawn mower, but I wonder what the free pet is. I’m guessing a kitten, cuz, you know, it’s always a kitten.
I’m guessing the free pet is a wallaby. There’s no real reason that I’m guessing wallaby. I just like saying wallaby. Wallaby.
I’ll see your wallaby and raise you an apteryx.
Can I have a pterodactyl with mine?
What about the thylacine, the Tasmanian Not.A.Lion?
Free pet? I’m going to guess that when the moon hits your eye in the appropriate way, it’s a moray…
And yes, Taco, I am claiming that the moon has precisely that sort of accuracy. Let’s not reopen old wounds.
I have reason to believe that the free pet is Not. A. Lion.
It’s probably another damn Komodo dragon.
Crime scene prop photo from CSI: Garage.
That was my thinking. All that was missing from this photo was the dead wife wearing the coat, and whatever biohazards were exuded in the process of her untimely, unlawful demise.
At least they were kind enough to get rid of the chalk outline.
I think they threw the coat over it.
Outline drawn around is a movie device.
In modern practice, chalk would contaminate the crime scene.
That’s why they photograph crime scenes.
Insert apropos witty comment here.
*Hands over a CC*
And there are likely some possible auntie-juice stains on the back.
As long as you stand against a wall or are always lying down then I’m sure no one will notice anything is wrong. Dare I ask what are auntie-juice stains?
Quickcomeback – http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=3006 – if you are curious.
It really should be in a sofa then
Nah, auntie-juice stains don’t discriminate. 😉
SUNDAY
SUNDAY
SUNDAY!!!
At the Patapsco Flea Market Auditorium!
Last Time Listing!
Playing with
South Patapsco Battle of the Bands Winner:
Pic Does No Justice!!!
Patapsco Ladies Auxillary will provide a spagetti dinner at 7pm for a nominal donation.
Get your tickets today!!!
Opening by The Smoldering Stewardesses!
Hey! Didn’t their drummer used to play for Concussive Sodium?
Those concerts always end with a bang! Man, that band has chemistry.
It’s because they interact with their audience so well. I mean really, you end up bonding more tightly with them than any other band you’ll see in concert.
Covalent or ionic?
On first read I saw ionic as ironic.
So would Ironic Bonding be creation of a Not.A.Bond?
Not.A.Bond = Roger Moore
No no no no! Not.A.Bond=George Lazenby
Lazenby was still better than Moore. The defining characteristic of a James Bond should NOT be “effeminate.”
bracketcoreybracket Ian Fleming wrote Bond for David Niven to portray. Too bad Mr. Niven only had the role in Woody Allen’s Casino Royale, best not watched if can be avoided unless really drunk. bracketendcoreybracket.
Is the first listing is telling me to lose weight? Back off buddy I’m doingthe best I can with the genetics I’ve been dealt!
Egads. I had read “lost weight” as “lose weight.” Comment=not so funny.
Correction = pretty funny, actually.
Yes, the lose weight implication is far more passive aggressive. And funnier.
I have to post a link I found today, of a giant Not. A. Leopard. fail from one of my favorite sites.
http://thechive.com/2010/02/09/to-kill-or-not-to-kill-that-is-the-question-3-photos/
HA!
While it’s obviously Not. A.Leopard, I can easier forgive people mixing up cheetahs and leopards than lions and tigers!
Its also Not.A.Dear. While the cute little baby animal may be dear to its mother, and viewers may say, “oh, dear” when they see the Not.A.Leopards licking the Not.A.Dear, its still Not.A.Dear.
HHNF, there’s a fourth photo of the little guy finally realizing the cats aren’t going to eat him, and booking it for all he’s worth. I’ll see if I can remember where I saw that a few days ago.
Found it!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1246886/Pictured-Three-cheetahs-spare-tiny-antelopes-life–play-instead.html
I like that the poster labeled it “LAST TIME LISTING”. Because as we’ve seen, Not.A.Lions are in high demand.
I demand Not.A.Lions on a regular basis.
Maybe we shoudl start Not.A.National Geographic Society for the study of Not.A.Animals
Only if we have occasional shots of Not.An.Indigenous.People running around with no clothes on. That’s how the vast majority of people are introduced to Not.A.National.Geographic.Society Not.A.Magazines when they are young.
Not.A.Pygmy
Rock band name!
It seems fairly restricted to big cats at this point, although the YSaC Society for Not.A. is always open to new exciting Not.A. discoveries.
Oh Good idea!
The Not.A.Discovery channel!!
We could have
Not.A.Dealiest catch
Not.A.Dirty job
Not.A.Jeff Corwin (Oh wait, that’s been done)
Not.A.Cash cab (Thank God)
(to many to list) LOL
That pic does no justice, it is not a super hero coat. I think that thing beside it is a fishing pole reel which was used to catch this elegant coat in an elegant lake. The Not.A.Lion looks like it is on top of a dryer. Maybe it was a lion in a past life and the person selling it does past life regression for stuffed animals.
wow, I sucked today. My snark is still asleep.
Mine, too. Work was too distracting. It’s like my humor jumped the snark.
Lola, I wish I could vote, but I am currently denied the red numbers. But I would give you plus elebenty millionz.
Lara, I always fall back and silly and or insane when my snark sleeps in. 8)
Windrose, I guess the Not.a.Lion sleeps tonight, and the snark does too …
Thanks for the elebenty millionz! I … don’t know what that number looks like! 8)
I’m beginning to think that there is too much focus on math in schools. The real focus needs to be on science – specifically learning animals – and English. We clearly need to teach kids (and apparently adults) what a lion actually looks like. Then again, if M&M Math can win third place in a science fair (though I’m still lost on how it relates to science), maybe the difference between lions and tigers and bears is a little too advanced, even for teachers.
Enquiring minds need to know: how long before the picture of the coat was taken was the body removed? Well, surely there can be no other explanation for the coat being on the garage floor. And have I been watching too much CSI, but wouldn’t the police need it for forensic evidence?
Just asking……..
Nah, they already checked it and found no evidence on it. No residue, no trace, no biologicals, no transfer, not even a latent fingerprint. That’s why it is in the garage, the d.b. is in the living room.
How’s that for too much C.S.I.? And sorry.
Hey, BigUncleJohn! You get your first card punch and appearance in the Don’t Suck Box! I think I will preserve the entire story in the forums, but the line chosen for the box is pretty funny! 8)
Thank you. Set the bar a little high there, me thinks.
She really did become a stewardess, fwiw. Flew for Eastern.
I love the Not. A. Lion. posts
I had no idea there were so many misunderstandings of what a lion actually looks like.