YSaC, Vol. 591: Title is unrelated.
Earlier this week, we saw how important pictures are to a Craigslist post. Another often overlooked element of a successful Craigslist post is the creation of a good title. You want to be sure that your title reflects what you’re offering, while drawing the reader in. Here are some wonderful examples:
Sunny Rennovated elevator in building large bedroom, great kitchen
I know apartments in some cities are small, but this is a bit nuts. Also, my brain is now full of jokes that involve the phrase, “Going down.” I should be ashamed of myself.
One Armed Security Officer Needed Immediately
Is it wrong that I keep thinking of the recurring character from Arrested Development here?
Guy who jumped me across from The Bitter End on Fulton
See? This is why we need one-armed security officers. He would have protected you with his one good arm. What? Oh, you mean jump-started you. Ah. Never mind.
book of moron. 2 of them. good condition
I should probably mention that this ad was posted in Utah, right? What a difference an m makes.
Thanks, oliveees, John, obeychomsky, and William, for these exemplary titles!
Aren’t elevators usually enclosed, and, therefore, not sunny at all?
I take it whoever posted that has just finished reading Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, then.
No. The elevator is obviously located in the atrium of a large hotel hence the reference to the bedroom and kitchen. The hotel used to have a two armed security guard who carried around a book of moron in each arm as he was actually trying to recruit the hotel guests for his cult. Then a skirmish one day at the Bitter End bar in the lobby turned into armageddon. All that is left is the elevator.
No Fair Pen! That was from today’s Spaceman (in between all the ads).
Wait, does the cult have hawt sects?
Not yet, it needs more members so it can start fracturing into smaller, hawt sects.
Astro, I love you for your avatar. That is all.
Unless you are actually Mark Hamill, in which case I also love you for your voice.
Mark Hamill? WHERE?!
Ahh, darn. You woke up the Inner Fangirl. Now I must go watch all three original Star Wars movies.
People sometimes tell me I look like a young Mark Hamill.
Steph, there are only THREE Star Wars movies.
Word, Windrose. The alleged 4, 5, and 6 are the only canon, as far as I’m concerned.
*gasp* You mean that JarJar Binks isn’t cannon?! The disrespect!
If you’re asking whether JarJar should be shot out of a cannon, the answer is yes.
Plus a kajillion, Graham.
Win, Graham.
I read “The guy who jumped me across” as if the poster was taken by the hand and together, they jumped across The Bitter End; you know, the one on Fulton?
Anyway, one can see why the OP would want to get in touch with the guy. After all, who wouldn’t want to have the Death Cheater on speed dial? Handy for just about anyone.
The Book of Mormon was allegedly inspired by the angel Moroni. Ever since I learned this, I have thought that Book of Moron might be a more accurate title. Perhaps the seller does too, and also believes in truth in advertising.
As for the first one, I misread “building” as a verb: it’s an announcement for some experimental theatre. The actor/actress Sunny Rennovated Elevator will be performing in a play about the life of a rental agent for optimum real estate undergoing construction, titled “Building Large Bedroom, Great Kitchen.”
I thought the Book of Moron was what we were snarking about yesterday!
Al Sharpton’s country cousin is on line one, Isaac.
We’ll call him Eustice.
That’s such a fun name.
Or Ennis. Who names their child that?
I like Ennis!
Al Sharpton’s country cousin- Al Un-sharpton?
Even worse is Ercil. A long time ago I had a brother-in-law with that name.
Maybe Cletus?
I’m sort of relieved that all they did was leave out an m. As a diaspora Utahn, I’m used to seeing/hearing much more offensive pluralizations of the book title. “We are going to give out these Book of Mormons.” “Did you bring any Books of Mormon?” *teeth grinding*
Graham, what is the plural? The only iteration you didn’t mention is “Books of Mormons” but that can’t be right, can it? Saying “I’ve got two copies of the Book of Mormon” seems like a cop out to me for some reason but maybe that’s the only right answer. My grammar isn’t good enough to answer this. I’ve seen where an apostrophe is put in, but that’s always for a possessive as far as i know
Is this issue an inside joke for LDSs?
. ./Corey
jg, unfortunately it’s no laughing matter. Every year, the vast majority of Mormons slaughter the pluralization of their holy book.
“Copies of the Book of Mormon” is really the best option. If we said “Books of Mormon” it would seem to imply that there is a series of them (as in “books of the Bible”). “Book of Mormons” is incorrect for a variety of reasons.
Thanks, I wasn’t meaning to joke about it, I really did want to know.
Even though we have learned a very valuable and solicited lesson here, I must say that Graham has won the Corey Award for the day.
Heh, jg, I wasn’t offended. I was just emphasizing that it’s sad that the overwhelming majority of LDS Church members have no idea how to correctly use the name of their foundational text.
Outside of a religious context, here’s what a grammar pedant would tell you:
You can pluralize some titles the way you’d pluralize any regular noun, except that the pluralizing s isn’t treated as part of the title for the sake of punctuation. “I must have seen six Hamlets that year” (with the s there in Roman type) is okay grammar. But it’s not pretty.
In the case of titles that end with an irregular noun, like Invisible Man for example, or titles where the internal grammar of the title could produce what the pedants call “infelicities” (like Book of Mormon), periphrasis or other rephrasing is probably best.
So: I’d say “copies of Little Women” (already-plural titles don’t get an extra pluralization) or “productions of Two Gentlemen of Verona” rather than trying to pluralize either title. It’d probably be more accurate in its implications that way anyhow. (They aren’t really six different Little Women, only six copies or six editions or six printings or whatever. Which means that my Hamlet example is probably a little weak, now that I think about it.)
I see I handed out awards before all of our contestants had made their entries.
That was sexy, Isaac.
When it comes to grammar, there may need to be a separate Isaac Award. Lovingly know as the Ike.
*Considers whether Isaac will or won’t be flattered. Hopes it’s the latter.
*Hesitates.
*Check spelling.
*Hesitates.
*Rechecks sentence structure.
*Hesitates some more.
*Looks at “whether” again. That’s the right “whether” isn’t it?
*Goes to weatherchannel.com. Ooh, sunny tomorrow.
*Hits “Submit”
Flattered? Why, I would be honored. But may I suggest that rather than giving out points we just calibrate a scale?
Thus: “That grammatical fussbudgetry is all well and good, but given that your supposed corrections include an inadvertent comma splice, I’m going to have to deduct 2.7 Ikes from your overall Pedant Score.”
Hey drmk, if you ever decide to write a companion book for the website you should consider “Book Of Moron” for the title.
I think you listed these in reverse order as they are all obviously entries in the book of Moron!
(P.S. Sunny Elevators=rock band name!!)
*Reveals stump of an arm to shocked and screaming kids*
…And that’s why you always proofread your title!
nice AD reference
Another group of ads that would have benefited from a $20 photo. 8)
OT I think I overdid the dominos and latkes last night. Did anyone else see the alien pron posted in the Laca-what? comments?
“transferring her lips to his neck and jaw.”
I don’t know, Windrose, are you sure that’s pr0n or a painful but useless medical proceedure?
Wait…what the? What was going on here? I have this burning desire to know, but at the same time I have a feeling I’ll regret asking.
Some spam slipped through the filter. It’s deleted now.
That’s a relief! On the whole, I enjoy trolls more than spam.
I like spam. A lot. *waits for angry mob*
Awww I wanted to see alien pr0ns!
It’s OK, HHNF.
Do you mean real meatish Spam, or virtual spam?
Meatish SPAM! I also like to push the pram. A lot.
Lola: In this case, I think the difference between meatish and virtual spam is rather minor, amirite?
I have a secret affection for meatish Spam even if I don’t much like it; it’s a nostalgia thing w/r/t grandparents and being young. I won’t criticize.
Graham, if you’ll forgive the unintended double entendre possibility, I think the difference is that I can put the meatish Spam in my mouth, but not the virtual spam.
Heheheh, that’s what sh… nevermind.
Yeah, I know. I couldn’t come up with another way to say it that couldn’t be read in, er, a non-family-friendly matter.
Lola, you’re talking to Graham here.
Graham, I want my royalties now, kthx.
🙁 I was rather trying not to.
I’ll get me coat.
Sorry. Tossed it in a mud puddle so the ladies could cross.
HHNF, I’ll send you the 3 cents in royalties but I need $5 in shipping fees first.
Lola: Don’t blame yourself.
You always have to complicate things, Graham. I’ll just e-mail you my bank account and credit card numbers so you can take it out yourself. That’ll teach you.
Uh. So, I guess that means I blame you, then?
OK. I can get behind that.
Lola –
OK. I can get behind that.
That’s what she… damn.
I’ll have to withdraw another $5 from HHNF’s bank account.
I feel like I should be paying her residuals, actually, even if I am not as good as the original.
*bows out*
HHNF: all yours.
Get a room, you three.
HHNF forbade it after the last time.
Don’t ever discredit yourself, Lola! You’re so thuper-awethumb! if ever we needed a third party, I choose you, Lola! *holds out Poke-ball with llamanun on it*
Looooooola-chu!
I don’t recall forbidding anything. Shame is a good feeling! It shows that you have a working conscience.
Aw, thanks! Group hug! Or … maybe not. We’re not in a room.
*considers entendre-based comments relating to “Poke-ball,” decides to leave them to everyone’s own febrile, salacious imaginations*
Lumineon does sound freakishly close to Llamanun.
Shame? What’s that?
Here, let us show it to you.
“Shame! Shame! Come back, shame!”
I do recall a saying, ‘The only shame is to have none’.
Aaah, just like the good old days. Please go for 1000 tonight, guys. I’ll bring the Everclear…
Disclaimer:
Graham and I had nothing to do with this.
Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
Erm, please don’t check the spammer’s IP…
Aha! It was Graham T. in the parlor with the candle stick!
Tim Curry FTW
I used to work in a very historic office building and the elevators had a habit of breaking down daily. They probably could have benefitted from a kitchen and bedroom, but a bathrom would have been way more practicle.
The Book of Moron is my vote for best band name.
And anyway, any space geek (like myself) can tell you that The Book of Moron is the flight data file for landing the space shuttle at Moron Air Base in Spain.
If all four titles were to to be put in one ad, my guess is that the poster is Willy Wonka. The “sunny rennovated elevator” is because the glass elevator broke through the factory ceiling at the end; the “one armed security officer” is because Wonka faced a discrimination lawsuit for hiring only Oompa Loompas; the “Guy who jumped me across from The Bitter End on Fulton” was the person who stole Charlie’s golen ticket; and “book of moron. 2 of them. good condition” is Wonka’s biography on two of them yardapes who got to tour the factory and misbehaved. My vote for one of them is Veruca Salt.
Or it could be a really bizarre Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode. Or maybe iCarly.
Veruca Salt was a pretty good band, too.
The Seether’s Louise!
Don’t fight her. You just can’t do it.
Can I get my punch, please?
(looking around nervously, hoping to get punched before they come to their senses and take it back. Silly people)
Stands in for Windrose: punchetty punch! And an extra big 😀 as I quite liked those myself as well.
Windrose: I’ve got the punch and holster. Just give the password and I’ll hand it back.
Lola, it’s swordfish this week, right? 8) I’m so glad you covered for me. I seem to have pulled a muscle in my back, and can barely lift a cup of coffee.
Here, have my IV stand. It’s fitted for a Mr. Coffee up top. I use it on particularly challenging Fridays, but your condition seems appropriate as well.
*whisper*
Excellent, excellent, don’t tell anyone. Here’s the punch.
Is the Book of Moron from yesterday’s post?
So it *was* the one-armed man!
i sing with a very excellent, but ecclectic choir. we’ve called ourselves the Moron Tabernacle Choir for years.
on another note, all i can think of when i see one-armed anything, is The Fugitive. the tv show….. they made a movie, right?
I told you it was the one-armed man.
A local mall near me as well as The Children’s Museum (not as close to me) have mostly glass elevators that face the outside, so they are indeed sunny. They’re both big enough to fit in a few families with strollers, but nowhere near large enough for a kitchen or bedroom. Maybe a microwave, fold-out chair and tray, and a sleeping bag.
I’m thinking craigslist isn’t the best place to advertise for an armed security guard. If the problem is THAT immediate, maybe you need the police, and if it can wait, there are plenty of different reputable security companies you could hire from. Instead of some random guy with a gun showing up to your place of business.
The third one… I’m thinking the guy wants revenge for getting beat up. Guy who jumped me across from the “Bitter End”, yeah, you’re getting what’s coming to you buddy, just you see.
The last one…. self-explanatory.
The space needle has brass and glass elevators running up the outside. They make my feets tingly.
I don’t mind glass elevators that only go up a few floors… but anything over a certain height starts to freak me out. I’d rather be in a windlowless box than to see out at the tiny landscape below.
My fear of heights precludes riding in glass elevators if they are going up more than a foot or two. Unless I have a honey who will let me hide my face in his chest, and will keep an arm around me in case we plummet elebenty billion stories and I have to hold on.
An elevator that goes up a foot or two? That’s one short ride!
I do believe it’s called a ‘staircase’.
“And that’s why you make clear, concise titles for your craigslist ads”
Heh… Arrested Development…
Way to read through the other comments before you chime in, there, Owen…
Now, now, Isaac.
Ah, I’m just cranky… Haven’t finished my coffee. Give me a minute to caffeinate my demeanor.
It’s even better that the line he “quoted” made the Don’t Suck Box.
Do I get any Ikes for quoting “quoted?” Twice.
When close-quotation marks and question marks coincide, the question mark should go outside the quotation unless it is in the quoted source.
Thus:
“Is the limpet’s shell minty?” he asked again.
But:
Can you, with your own olfactory powers, tell whether the shell is “minty”?
Damn, I actually know that. I’ll blame it on nerves.