YSaC, Vol. 629: The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out …
There’s someone in Oregon who may be taking the notion of being green a bit too far:
Turn your kids old cloths into a worm work of art – $100
Don’t know what to do with all our kids old favorit cloths? I do, let me turn them into a worm blanket you and them can enjoy for years to come. This is a great way to remember your childres younger years or even let me make them a quilt out of there old team shirts.Other custom project welcome.
Now, that might just be a typo … except that this person posts on Craigslist OFTEN, and always includes the frightening possibility of creating a worm blanket.
Custom Quilts – $50
Custom hand made quilts. Any size or style, 50.00 for a babby quilt
200.00 for a full size.I can also turn your childerns old cloths into a worm quilt!
But how is babby quilt formed? Out of worms, of course! And where do these worms come from? As it turns out, Craigslist can help us with that, too! Read on …
worm harvester
We need worm harvester ASAP. Start now. End at end of October. Full time job. Anyone is qualify for the job if you can bend your bofy to pick worms from field. Work all night. Rest all day. We provide transportation.Please reply with your phone number, main intersection of your living address since we will pick you up to go to work.
It is better if you have resume. Please reply to xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.ca
Ah, of course. From a worm harvester. And of course they would be Canadian worms — those are warmer! Everybofy knows that.
And where would you store all these worms, you ask?
Working but stinky Refridgerator!
working but stinky fridge. Great worm/road kill storage. Free, but you pick up.
*sniff* “Honey, why does the babby worm quilt smell like dead possum?”
Thanks, Andrea, Nelson, Meara, and Jennifer!
Well, of course the poor worms need a blanket if you’re going to insist on storing them in the fridge!
I cannot help but picture hundreds of very tiny, long and skinny quilts.
In earthtones, of course. That way they won’t show as many stains.
Now I’m picturing a tiny little slumber party in the fridge, complete with tiny pup(worm) tents.
I wonder if they have a fridge camping badge in the Wormscouts.
I shudder to think what’s in Worm S’mores.
This is borderline adorable. I’m picturing the worms to look like the one from Richard Scary’s children’s books. I think his name was Lowley.
Worm S’more sounds like something I might have dared my brother to eat when we were kids.
Worm Camp in the fridge beats Sheep Camp in the baaaaaackyard any day.
Merit Badge: Bugling
I don’t know mudsy, I think Sheep Camp bleats Worm Camp any day.
You’re bloody bleating so right TM! It’s getting busy here at work. School year is winding down and my snark level is at about a 2.3 today. Thanks for taking up my slack.
I couldn’t get to a scanner to get my sketch/doodle of worm camping to you all, so I opened up gimp and did some pixel art.
For those who are interested, I give you Worm Camping.
+elebenty TM, nice pic
Is the fridge inside the tent?
Reminds me of the drawing of the boa constrictor that ate the elephant in Saint-Exupéry’s The Little Prince. Is it a hat?
And then he drew the sheep…inside a box….Perfect!
Your sky is very Van Gogh-ey.
I originally had the camping inside the fridge, but the background was getting to be too busy; plus it looked like crap.
So I moved it outside and just dropped the whole fridge thing in favor of a simplified concept of just worm camping.
If you want a fridge, you’ll need somebody with more artistic talent than I can muster. I wonder who here fits that requirement?
*Whistled Innocently*
The quilts aren’t so skinny once the “worms crawl out”.
On a side note, I now have that old ditty in my head and I want to punch someone. It’s making me sleepy…
the worms crawl in and the worms crawl out…
the ones that crawl in are lean and thin,
the ones that crawl out are fat and stout…
your eyes fall in and your teeth fall out,
your brain goes tumbling down your snout…
be merry my friends, be merry
I always heard the rhyme as the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout.
Never made sense to me before, because why would worms be playing cards? But clearly, they were wagering on the opportunity to be given these wonderful worm quilts, and be spared the indignity of being harvested by someone whose only qualification is a bent bofy.
Learn something new every day.
I’d always heard the same version, Jane. Although as a child I didn’t know much about card games so I heard “pea-knuckle” or “pee-knuckle.” Neither of which sounded like something that I wanted worms doing on my snout.
/python
I’m a Worm Meister and I’m okay.
I work all night and I rest all day.
I harvest worms, I bend and crouch
My bofy all the while.
And Wednesdays I go searching
for roadkill, that’s the style.
I pick up worms, I knit and quilt.
I collect boy band posters.
And when I go to sheepcamp
I hang around ewesters
I pick up worms, I bedazzle hooves.
I wear a Lionel cheesehat.
I wish I’d been a babby,
‘Cause I’m such a big asshat
python/
Python*:
import worm
import earth
import bucket
##import skynet
bucket.worms = 0
if worm.quota < earth.wormcount
for bucket.worms < worm.quota
picked = int(rand(0:eath.worms))
bucket.worms = bucket.worms + picked
earth.worms – picked
bofy++
else
earth.location = (int(rand),int(rand))
worm.payment = .10*bucket.worm
*Code largely faked for speed. Couldn’t remember how to do tabs in xhtml so excuse the mess.
Christina + jane, you may be correct as to the original rhyme. I only know the one at the end of the Pogues CD “If I should Fall From Grace With God”
Ahahahaha!! And they told me I would NEVER be able to use my masters in worm boffing!
Who’s laughing now?
Babby worm quilts for worms harvested by somebofy and stored in a stinky but working refrigerator. I didn’t even know the worm was pregnant! I’ll have to move some of the roadkill to make room for all the babby worms and their quilts. Let’s see, what shall we eat first?
Let’s have that rabbit from last week. I think there are even some of those brightly colored eggs that were beside the body left over.
You can move all the roadkill out to the playset. Kids love to swing on it.
And don’t forget to bedazzle the hooves
Otherwise it’s just tacky.
The writer of the first post offers one custom project. Guess it’s not that custom.
On the third post, I wonder what experiences/education they’re looking for on resumes that qualify one person over another.
Seriously. You need a *resume* to pick worms out of the ground? My brother did that from the time he was six and walking to school by himself for the first time, all the way up until the time my mother did laundry and reached into his Worm Storage Pocket. He barely knew how to color inside the lines, but he could PICK some worms!
R E S U M E
1976 – 1984 Beginning worm picker. Apprenticed under accomplished neighborhood kids. Skills learned – bending, picking, worm storage.
1984 – 2010 ?
You’re resumé kinda stopped there. You may now resume it.
Eh, eehhh?
Interviewer, glancing at resumé: Overall, an impressive bofy of work…
OK, all you smartypants – how do you get that fancy e to come out in resume?
depends, on your operating system Colleen. If you’re using windows, hold down the ALT key and type 130 on your number pad.
http://www.alt-codes.net/
Can’t help you on a MAC though
ALT 0233 also does it.
On a MAC you nééd only imaginé that it’s théré, and it will appéar.
*Brain Asplode*
Maybe there’s a training period, where you have to dig plastic fishing worms out of the ground and are graded on your technique.
And now I’m picturing a judge’s table on the side of a field surrounded by bleachers somewhere. An announcer introduces a contestant, who enters the arena in a sequin-spangled pair of silk overalls and proceeds to dash across the field, plucking worms and dropping them into an official collection satchel. There is a hush as the timer runs out, everyone is silent as the judges tally the score.
3.9, 4.2, 4.7, 3.4, and 3.1(the German judge is overly critical of technique). And the crowd goes wild!
(Sometimes my head is an odd place to be.)
Didn’t they have that event on American Gladiators? Wasn’t there also three big beefy guys in unitards and shorts trying to knock the worms out of the contestant’s hands before he can get to the collection bin?
I think that was Double Dare.
Or Ninja Warrior, I get those two confused sometimes.
I think double dare was where they made you swim through the pit of worms and green slime.
Could have been Ninja Warrior though, it was a lot like American Gladiators*.
*This may not be true.**
**It’s not.***
***Ok, maybe a little.
Well clearly it’s all a matter of being to “bend your bofy” correctly, so I imagine some experience in the adult film industry might “go down” well.
(oh dear, even I think that’s a bad pun and I made it)
Dang. For a second, I thought this looked like a promising career for me; alas, I was born with a rigid bofy.
+1 for your username
Sincerely, the rat with the unblubler
By any chance are these posts from hawaii? There is a pet store down from where i work that has a big sign stating they take old clothes to use as worm blankets…i almost took a picture of it when i first saw it.
Damn, talk about a coincidence. I’m opening a quilt store called “I got Worms.” You can bet we’ll be offering only the best worm quilts made out of only the finest worms.
We’re offering the following fine products:
Annelida Afghans
Bloodworm Blankets
Sipuncula Snuggies
Clitellata Comforters
Tapeworm Throws
Silkworm Sheets
Woodworm Warmers
Yes, come by and see I’ve Got Worms for all your worm blanket needs!
What? No Leech Linens?
Don’t forget about the parasites, they make lovely textile art:
Tapeworm Tapestries
Ringworm Wraps
Trichina Towels
And a bunch more, too many to rhyme…
I have really enjoyed today’s ads, mostly for quilts. None have been worm quilts, or blankets, though. I checked.
I’d love to see what people would do if you gave them a business card with that on it.
Part of the Buisness card:
“You can clearly see that I’ve Got Worms
has the best selection in town!”
Your next store could be Roundworm Roundup.
I don’t think I have a bofy, much less one I can bend. This makes me sad, because that ad is so tempting. Goodbye professional career and degrees, hello all-night bofy bending and worm picking! Except for the no-bofy part. So I’m back to white-collar employment and benefits. Ah, but it was fun to dream for a moment, there.
I think dev may be on to something … it does sound a bit porny.
About the third ad: hmmm, why does it make me remember all of those post-Katrina Louisiana and Mississippi photos of refrigerators that had been taken out of houses after weeks or months of housing the contents there at the time of the disaster? You know, the ones that were taped/roped/hammered shut and said things on them like “Do not open: Dick Cheney inside” (I really did see a picture of that)? I am imagining that for these: “Mr. Chalmette, what do you want to do with this?” “Well, son, is it still runnin’?” “Yessir, but smells like the morning after Mardi Gras.” “Well, if it’s still runnin’, put an ad on that intery net thing and see if someone will haul it off for us. There really is one born every minute. Now pass me the beignets.”
or maybe my mind just went there coz I was reading………erm, never mind
Isn’t “all night bofy bending” something that results in babbys?
Sad though, All Night Bofy Bending is a too-long, if uber-hip, band name.
Far too upscale for the 40WatT, nope, it would be
All Night Bofy Bending at the Planerium Seriata
Worm blankets: dirt naps will never be the same
Oh, c’mon Heather! Isn’t one day in the Don’t Suck box enough for you? 8) I’ll be back to punch your card later.
*presents punch card* I’m waitinnnnngggg…
Well, it’s a bit early, but. . .Punchity punch punch! And give little Bea Arthur a hug for me. How old is he now?
Almost five months! Thanks for the punchity.
I can understand using a fridge to store worms. There’s a little shop near me that sells bait and they have a worm fridge. But who stores roadkill? Who looks a a flattened woodchuck and thinks, “Hey, that’ll come in handy someday!”
Ron
You’ve obviously never gone fishing for crows. You have to keep that carrion at the peak of freshness in order to attract those sneeky little buggers.
I dunno, it might come in handy for those people who make crafts out of dead deer feet.
Ron, there are two “vegans” who come in to the grocery store that I work at quite often. The reason I have put quotation marks around vegans is that they will eat roadkill. They won’t go near a free range, grain fed chicken egg, but a cat or coyote flattened by a car or truck? “Them are good eatin’ ”
So I was starin’ at this there dead possum on the side of the road thinkin’ to myself, “Man, that’s a durn shame. All that goin’ ta waste.” Three days later I had a buidness loan from ol’ honest Danny Shark an’ my own dadgum sausage factory.
Yes sir, we’re making it rich and preventin’ waste! We’re down right Greenpeach!
[queue “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road” by Louden Wainwright III]
According to the strictest vegan philosophy, roadkill is fine, as is leathergoods bought second hand. I don’t get it. I’ll happily enjoy cheese and ice cream from humane cattle farms and leave the road kill to the vultures, thank you very much.
That… doesn’t make any sense (the vegans, not you). Because someone else killed it? Well that would go for all supermarket food.
If you are eating an animal, no matter what it died from, you are no longer strictly vegetarian. You’re an omnivore.
I thought that was freegans, those folk who eat out of trash cans and the like.
Mmm, roasted woodchuck and mudflaps flambé. Now them is some good eats!
I perfer sundried possum jerky, meself.
I got a little confused by “worm work of art.” Is it a work of art made from worms, made by worms, or inspired by worms? Luckily, my good friend google found the answer:
http://www.leonardo.info/isast/articles/duprat/duprat.html
Cool, huh?
I can’t help but wonder how one interviews the resume-carrying candidates for the coveted Worm Harvester positions. What could you possibly say? Picture it with me:
Head Worm Honcho : “Give me an example of when something went wrong at your last Worm Harvesting job, and how you handled it, Ted.”
Ted the Job Applicant: “Um, I fell into the leech tank. I screamed until someone came to fish me out with the big hook thingy. Then I went to the hospital for a transfusion. Now I have to take iron twice a day for my anemia or I convulse and foam at the mouth.”
HWH (on notepad): “Good communication skills. Poor coordination. Mouth frothing – deal breaker Y/N?”
Sweet Clothespin Jeebus! I laughed so hard I saw spots from lack of oxygen.
If the job is at night, I would expect the frothing at the mouth is less of a concern than it might be for diurnal employment. On the other hand, can you imagine worm picking at night, and one of your coworkers suddenly lurches at you with stuff coming out of his mouth? For those who are constantly on the alert for the International Zombie Takeover, it might look to them like the Takeover Has Begun, and they could act accordingly. Imagine it – the poor guy just needs some red meat or spinach but gets his head cut off and his remains set on fire instead.
(What? We had a fire drill this morning. My brain seems to still be in survival-scenario mode.)
I would suggest International Zombie Takeover as the band name of the day, but there’s probably one out there with that name already.
I mean, how can there not be?
This weekend at the 40 Watt Club: International Zombie Takeover, with their new album Brraaaaaaiins Eeeeeevr’ywheeeerrre. Supporting acts include: Worm Camp, Bend Your Bofy, and *Brain Asplode*.
Special guest star: Heather and Her Delicate Velvety Pile.*
*This may be a burlesque act. We’re not sure. It’s not clear.
Well, the problem with a band called International Zombie Takeover is likely to bring out the revolting pheasants with pitchforks and firebrands, rather than paying music appreciation types.
Really, that sign:
International Zombie Takeover
Tonight
Will parse more like a warning than advertisement. Or so my froofier droogies tell me.
Brains are terribly high in cholesterol! They may have iron and other vitamins/minerals (HUGE amounts of B12, I know), but they’re like, half cholesterol and bad fats.
But hey, if you’re a zombie, it wont matter, will it?
How will the pheasants hold the pitchforks in their little wings?
I know what you mean about mistaking anemia for The Zombie Takeover. Why, I’ve set fire to upwards of two or three people before I realized they just needed a good steak dinner. It’s so easy to get the two mixed up.
Brains are rather high in iron too. Such a small zone of zombie-ism.
Um, Coco, if you happen to see a very tall woman with very dark cicles under her eyes, popping iron supplements, please note: Not.a.Zombie.
I’m very allergic to being set on fire.
I now crave a Not.A.Zombie t-shirt.
Just in case.
ooh yes, that would go nicely with my Not.A.Lion one
Oooh! We need shirts that say “Not.A.Zombie” on the front, and “I’m very allergic to being set on fire.” on the back!
And not to worry, Christina, I’ve long since learned to tell the difference between zombies and anemia sufferers. Zombies almost never remember to take supplements.
Worse things than a worm blanket:
A worm cup of cocoa.
A worm and fuzzy feeling.
Worm-up exercises.
A nice worm bath.
Global worming.
A worm-up act.
Being too worm.
The sun worming you.
Snuggling together to keep worm.
Having to put on worm underwear on a cold day.
A worm front on the weather map.
Gargling with worm water.
A worm winter coat.
A hearty worm breakfast.
Worm-up suits.
Dunno, the day _after_ the global worming could be ickier than zombies in babby worm cloths
Worm wishes.
A worming tray.
A worm climate.
A worm front moving in.
Taking the worm spot.
Worm woolen mittens.
Worm Springs, Georgia.
Heart-worming.
Worm and fuzzy.
Worm compresses.
Worm this up for me, would you?
A cup of worm broth will make you feel better.
worm socks
Does this feel worm to you?
worm sweater
Worm enought for ya?
It’s getting a bit worm in here.
If they’re Canadian, does that make them Arrogant Worms?
And I now have TMBG’s Dr. Worm stuck in my head. Thanks YSaC.
babbys and childerns
Are these some sort of birds?
Yes, and they like worms on toast.
They need to do way instain mother> who quilt thier babbys.
Charlene, no offense, but do you post ads on Craigslist?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080331170418AAhm4TU
🙂
I figured it out! As a worm harvester, you will be picked up on the way to the field, and since it will be nighttime, it’ll be cold in the back of that worm truck, so you’ll need a worm blanket to snuggle under. The ad said, rest all day, but it didn’t say where, guess you’ll need a worm blanket for that too.
Don’t why they see why they need to make them out of babbys, though. Soft to the touch, snuggly warm, pukey smelling..what’s the connection ?
Did I get the right answer?
So I would have to be a vampire to be a worm picker?
I could fake that, all I need is a jumbo bottle of glitter from the craft store and a little glue.
Sorry SJ… you’re only supposed to sparkle in the sunlight. Ketchup and a black cape should be enough for a night job.
Or a nut job. No offense, bless her heart.
Position wanted: Worm Wrangler Level II
Schooling: 2001-2002, 4H club- Worm Husbandry and Worm Quilting
Experience:
2002-2003: Veterinarian’s Ass. Pet De-Wormer
-extensive use of catculator and associated equipment
2003-2005: Sous Chef -please don’t ask.
2005-2008: Worm Spotter for Mine Hors
2008-present: Ear worm Extricator
Hobbies:
Wormcamp Counselor
Must work nights because the public restraining order doesn’t allow me out in the daytime
If you have to de-worm Veterinarians’ asses for Level II, I don’t want to now what Level III
entails, um requires…Actually, for level III, that would be re-worming*
*too far?
is there such a thing as too far?
If you put pinworms on your resume*, you’re guaranteed to get the job. Pinworm herding is a pain in the ass.
*sprinkle word with punctuation as needed
Plus pinworms will keep you up all night!! er, so I heard…
I’m just going back to my corner
Just so everyone is aware, dmrk’s interview appears to be dominating rankings over at the blog interviewer thus far.
Looks like YSaC currently has a 179 vote lead.
Keep voting YSaCers, we might get swag :). You can vote every 24 hours, so do it.
Vote early and often!
It’s just occurred to me that “worm blanket” might actually be code for a penis cozy.
AKA willie warmer, peter heater, cock sock, etc.
If you think I’m joking, click on my name…
Damnit, someone beat me to it. I was going to make some novelty knitted condoms to see if I could get on Regretsy. I might make them anyway, just because the idea amuses me.
I wonder if my last post got lost in the ether, if one (or more) of the words triggered a mod filter, or if it’s a problem with the link… testing for link
no it is NOT all right that you can’t spell or put a clear sentence together in English. wait, maybe your first language is slobovian, or something. NO. doesn’t matter. there’s just no excuse for your idiocy.
Babby? cloths?
good grief.
I thought about applying, but then I realized I haven’t updated my resume to include worm harvesting, so I can’t.
I read the ads this morning but have had a busy day and now it looks like all the good snark has been taken. Guess I wormed my way out of having to come up with something to say about them.
Oh, sure, now you are trying to claim “lasties” I’ll bet. 8)
BTW, I have added a few more Don’t Suck quotes over in the forum. Almost there.
(Your line is “Stay on target!”)
Hey, that’s MY line!
The lurker finally posts: Ya’ll amuse me so much with your comments and wonderment. (yes, that is Juzi-speak for amazing) I constantly wonder how ya’ll come up with these amazing comments. Well, anyway! You guys rock.
Love,
Juzi
Welcome, Juzi, and thanks for delurking! Please join us in the comment queue more often! You could even get a Windrose punch (that’s a good thing, don’t worry)!
I know I am using entirely too many exclamation points for this early in the morning and no caffeine, but please don’t let that put you off. 🙂
Oh, I have no problem with the exclamation points. They’re my second favorite piece of punctuation, after the all-awesome interabang.
It’s not too late! Tix are still available for the Worms (Deutschland) Handicrafts & Quilts show!
http://www.bvents.com/event/182022-wormser-pfingstmarkt-regional-consumer-goods-exhibition
I kid you not.
(Works best if pronounced “vorm qvilts.”)
“It is better if you have resume.”
I just have to wonder who exactly would have a resume that listed the correct past work history and skills to be a “worm harvester.” I can just imagine the phone calls for the reference checks and background checks for this kind of job.
“Have you noticed how well she moves her bofy?”
“Umm…not really… what is a bofy?”
“Do you think she can move her bofy well enough for picking small things off the ground?”
“What is a bofy again? I don’t think you ever explained that exactly.”
“Have you noticed if she had a tendency to want to sleep all day and work all night? A love of digging in the dirt particularly in the dark?”
“What job did you say she applied for again?”