YSaC, Vol. 648: Chicks and ducks XOR geese better scurry …

2010 April 26

A chicken stachue or cows & ducks – $15


You are buying all.Call xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me.I will deliver or mail.It’s ok to contact me about similar items.

dune.lucy sent this in, pointing out a subtle yet important grammatical ambiguity in this ad:

“The title clearly says “chicken stachues OR cows & ducks.” So if I am buying “all,” am I buying all the chickens? Or all the cows and ducks? Or am I buying all the chickens and cows and ducks?

And what similar items might he/she have? Maybe a hand-carved wooden spachula? A garganchuan taranchula?

It’s nice that he/she is willing to deliver. But I’m not in any hurry. After all, patience is a virchue.”

It’s a good thing that dune.lucy was so virchuous, because as it turns out, our intrepid poster did indeed have similar items for offer:

A set of abristic prints

A old picture of Nigurfalls

A picture of the Three Stuges or Marilyn Monroe

A in or outdoor placks

A hand painted vase from Arazona

And:

A fun plack for you wall – $15


You are buying a place for your kitchen.Call xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me.I will deliver or mail.It’s ok to contact me about similar items.

Um, my kitchen already has a place. It’s in my house, where I like it.

Last but certainly not least:

A ruster stachue and a weather vane – $20


You are buying all.Call xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me.I will deliver or mail.It’s ok to contact me about similar items.

I guess that clears up the and/or ambiguity from the first post, doesn’t it? It must have been “or”, since the cow and duck are still available.

Except … wait a minute, the title says, “A ruster stachue and a weather vane”. Singular, each of them … but the ad says I’m buying all! In fact, the ad is using the imperative voice! I must buy them all; I’m being commanded to! I have no choice and no free will! Schopenhauer was right!

Now, if the rooster only had a typewriter, I’d be all over this one. That would also help explain this series of ads.

Thanks, dune.lucy, for sending in all of these ads!

165 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 April 26
    Windrose permalink

    Stachue! Bless you! Wonder if this is like an auction, where one wrong move means you bought it all? Is it sad that I find some of these items attractive? Well, off to work now.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 April 26
      Not-A-Lionel permalink

      Look at the size of those cocks! Not. A. Lionel. is jealous.

      Adores: 12
    • 2010 April 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      My mind is drawing moustaches on all the “stachues”, which makes them awesome!

      Adores: 10
    • 2010 April 26
      Lola permalink

      You’re a known bird-lover, Windrose, so that’s OK.

      Is anyone else humming “One of these things is not like the others?” That would be the cow vane. Not.a.bird.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 April 26
        Texy Mingers permalink

        “Cow in a Bird Costume” sounds like a They Might Be Giants album.

        Adores: 11
        • 2010 April 26
          Lola permalink

          I’d buy it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          PrincessLuceval permalink

          I’m thinking more like “Girlfriend In A Coma.”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Lola permalink

          Er, “Rooster with a Comb”? That could be the nursery version of “Girlfriend in a Coma.” Same tune, different words.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          I think you mean ruster, Lo.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26

          Hey, whoa. It was a squirrel costume.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Which might explain my desire for the lot to be pitched into a burning ball of hydrogen . . .

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 26

        One of these things is not like the others:

        Grammy’s Pie: because it’s the only one you wouldn’t want to eat.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Wow, bit of veritas familia sparked from that.
          Had a GM who made perfect pie crusts (and meringues, too)–not so much on fillings. The other GM was an exemplar at fillings, but no other aspect of pie-making (and was stubborn about not making cobblers ).
          The one time we got them to team up is still remarked to this day (more for the gustatory excellence than for the physics experiment of of testing strong and weak nuclear forces by bringing proton and anti-neutron into such close proximity for quite that long).

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          Did she make you roll initiative before cutting a slice?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 26

          Nuclear pie crust can only be made from Extra Virgin 59 Crisco

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          TM – I just played out a “Kitchen Dungeon” themed mini-game in my head. There was a Meringue of Doom!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          I think we need to get together and make a new P&P RPG. “Kitchen Crusaders!” come to mind.

          I’m gonna go roll up a Paladin of Broccoli. Or maybe a Potato Sorcerer….

          This is actually starting to sound like a good expansion pack for Munchkin.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          I want to be a Spaghetti Cleric! That way I could pray to FSM to smite my enemies in a rain of meatballs.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          *Highfives SJ*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          NinjaKitty permalink

          http://www.kingdomofloathing.com

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          Sweet! They have Ninja Snowmen ♥

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          Oh gods! You reminded me of one of the best single play P&Ps I’ve ever partaken of. It was called “OG”. It was a caveman RPG. All the skills were awesome! Skills like “Know word: [word]” “Throw thing” etc. You could only know words that you had in your skillset, otherwise you had to communicate with grunting and gestures.

          The very first game I played we were all killed by a stampede of sabertooth yaks.

          Holy crap that game was a lot of fun.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 April 26
          Meej permalink

          “No use big words play Og!”

          Adore!

          Adores: 3
  2. 2010 April 26

    Ad #1: I see CatMath has branched out to the realm of farm animals. Awesome.

    Ad #2: I’m not entirely sure there’s a shred of truth in any of these listed, since the poster can’t seem to tell the difference between the Three Stooges and Marilyn Monroe!

    Ad #3:For $15 I wonder if the “place” for my kitchen comes with a whole house to keep it in? Or is it just the kitchen? Still, not a bad deal for a kitchen.

    Ad #4: Hmmm…I’ll take the “all” for $20 or free, but only if it comes in french prudential, had droors, and is a six-sided octagon. I do have my standards, you know.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 April 26
      Texy Mingers permalink

      *Cracks Knuckles*

      This is obviously a word problem. Lets first reduce it to a logical equation.

      Chickens || (Cows && Ducks) = $15
      Rooster Statchue && Weather Vane = $20

      *Whips out the catulator*

      Ok so if we find the common variable in both equations to be french prudential, then we can use the pizza equivalency to solve the first equation given enough nap time. Using the answer there we can use a ball of string theory to fold the second equation, which is then put into a hat with all the names for the Secret Santa drawing. Adjust for pie and multiply by cake; apply Scruffy’s uncertainty princable of shiny objects…

      The answer is… Casual Friday.

      Adores: 17
      • 2010 April 26
        Texy Mingers permalink

        And yes, “princable” was misspelled intentionally.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 26

        My catulator was giving me 7.5 three-legged couches with magical accordions….may need to check the kibbles.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          Well, my catulator is the new 4D octapentagonal squared version. There might be a conversion factor involved.

          Also, mine runs off of canned food and not kibble. This could account for the sign difference. If nothing else, I’m certain it accounts for the weird smell.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 26
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I got 7.

          Oops, I accidentally used the cachulator.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          camille permalink

          I keep getting Steak Tartare squared. I think the dog’s been reprogramming the catulator again.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          I think my catcular is broken, it’s been stuck on Tuna Sammich for 3 days now.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          srajean80 permalink

          Mine bit me on the thumb and refuses to come out from under the couch.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 April 26

          Sara – you need to take a refresher course in catulator-defense. Mine routinely swipes at me, for no reason at all…okay, maybe he does have a reason…I call him “fatty” all the time. Hey, it’s not my fault he has no sense of humor.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          Poking her in the tummy and saying “Fudgy Belly!” was probably a bad idea. I did get to use my new SpongeBob Band-Aids, though.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          See, this is why I use a Graphing Catulator. They’re so much less irritable, especially when left out in the sun. And they have a ball of yarn function which is so useful for equations involving String Theory and why the Cativerse was messing with post order recently.

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 April 26

      chicken-math is to cat-math as calculus is to algebra?

      or,

      chicken-math is to cat-math as stachue is to placks?

      Adores: 4
  3. 2010 April 26
    sarajean80 permalink

    “A set of abristic prints”

    Um, what? Is it a print made by dabbing ink on a brisket? Is it a print of a portrait of a brisket? I would rather think it is art made of or from meat that anything to do with a bris milah. I know what that is and I do not think a print of it would look attractive hanging over my couch.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 April 26
      Texy Mingers permalink

      I don’t know about you, but I can grill up a really mean mimeograph. I marinade it in only the finest aged toner before slathering them in a rich laminate.

      Sure I have some problems with the ingredients jamming in the grill, but I think the end results speak for themselves.

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 April 26
        LimeLolly permalink

        Can you get a matte finish that way? What about red eye, what adjustments do you have to make for that?

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 26
        CapnMac permalink

        There are education majors out there for whom “mimeograph” has as much menaing as “keypunch machine” does to the average computer science major. They are words, things they have heard of, but never properly experienced.

        They have no memories of the strange tang of sheets fresh from the mimeo; or of knowing the age of a semester by the quality of the repro. Or of the anguish of learning the hard way about mimeo and rain, or ballpoint and same.

        Ok, and there’s olfactory memory onf the castor-oil smell of an idled keypunch machine coming up to speed. That melds with the lurking sense of weight that can put even a linotype machine to shame. Also the smell of a freshly-opened box of blank punchcards. All, rememories

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          The spin of the mimeo barrel, the spraying of ink in all directions, the jamming of paper and the cursing of freshman. Ahh yes, it’s all coming back to me now.

          *Wanders off to go find his stencils*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          Unfortunately, I know about the workings of a mimeograph, lithograph, and even a keypunch machine. I never could get the hang of using them correctly, so was never allowed to touch them again…. that’s probably the reason why my nickname is Stumpy, and I have this odd shaped inkstain on my forehead and chest. Kind of looks like Asia.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          BigUncleJohn permalink

          I walked into the computer lab the week before finals; to enter, one passed through a double swinging door which unfortunately was steel over a solid core and devoid of windows. The there was a Junior that I knew from other classes there; she was on her hands and knees, sobbing as she was picking up the thousands of cards from her spilled boxes.

          The skinny proto-nerd who came ‘in’ through the ‘out’ door came over to apologize one more time, which was a bad move on his part. HHNF would understand. It took three to restrain her and one to throw him through the ‘out’ door.

          All who know keypunch nod understandingly, and murmur: been there, done that, it sucked; those who have only ever known windows and GUI cock their heads and regard quizzically.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Scene: Grad School 1984. project is energy efficiency modeling in buildings. USN has a wonderful software tool for this. Problem, it was designed for punch card entry, not ichor-green on black ‘dumb” terminals. (I tried, no fun at all.)

          You cannot get into the central computer lab without passing last two (of three) keypunch machines on campus. While getting abeer and apizza (no abrisket handy) prints on the z-fold tracking which data columns are in error, undergraduate memories kick in.

          Go to Help Desk. Ask student-worker clerk to look down, just in front of their left foot. Get the binder and the box that is there. While there, could you pull one of those long cardboard boxes out too?

          Move down the counter a bit to allow normal actives. Leaf through binder to find steps for making Run, Call, and Print Queue cards. Write out what I need, with references back to the 3’ binder. And depart to entry hall.

          Sit and mark out data cards with Sharpie (done this part before, too). Make neat piles for my runs. Go to keypunch machine and start making cards. Undergrads react as if Godzilla was using an abacus.

          Get red, green, and blu-ish card from the Help Desk clerk. We then use the binder to start the card reader. Load same. Push run button.

          Computer lab goes silent as a tomb when the card reader starts up. Stays that way through all seven runs of data. Much marveling, especially since I had used a print priority of Zero (Immediate) too.

          Was not professor’s fave student, not with six-ways-to-Sunday data sets wrung out.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 26
      CapnMac permalink

      Would an abristic print be something that happens if you wrap pastrami in acid-free linen paper?

      Or is it what’s on my drink glass after eatin’ a bbq sammitch?

      Adores: 1
  4. 2010 April 26
    Texy Mingers permalink

    You will staup snarqing! I find that it is tastelesth to be making fun of thease posts! Fyrst, I can see nothing wraung wyth anie of them. The prawducts may be a bit ugly and undeasierable, but there’s nuthing wraung with that, is thear? Second, not everyun has a playce for their kitchen, soe it’s impourtent that it be awffered to those who neaede it. And last, these poests are awbveosely writtern for a very specifac persun, the impiretuv voeiche is anteirlie lagitamite.

    Soe lai off!

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 April 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      *Brain Asplode*

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 April 26
        Texy Mingers permalink

        *Gets the Mop and cleaner*

        We better start buying this “Brain Away” cleaner in bulk.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          It’s your own fault for assaulting my eyes with that before my coffee has kicked in.

          I think my eyes are still bleeding.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          I like the new kitty picture, BTW.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          Lola permalink

          As do I. There’s something about the cat’s quizzical expression that suits commenting on this site.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          That’s Fearless, my big, sweet, but not too bright baby. She always looks as if someone just told her a joke that she didn’t quite understand.

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 April 26
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        *Ass Brainsplode*

        Adores: 8
      • 2010 April 26

        Why is there always brain all over the floor when I arrive? We really need to get a better cleaning crew you know.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          srajean80 permalink

          Hey, it’s not all brain. Bianchi got ass chunks all over the place too.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26

          I know, I had to step over them on my way in, but I tried not to look and pretended it was all just brains as usual

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Better brains than taco bits–which can be durst painful to dig out of bare feets. Tho- brains do have a habit of attracting zombiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 26
      Lola permalink

      I didn’t realize – until now, thank you, Texy Mingers (you do know what “minge” means in Brit slang, don’t you?) that there was a Liste of Craigge sectioun utilysinge circka Chaucerian-ish spellynges! Thee grammare is correckt, as is the puncutashion, but the spellynges are anackronisstick.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 26
        Texy Mingers permalink

        Ah, the dais befour the diktionairy. Mie 11th graid teechar maide us do a projeckt wheir we had to wryte a leter to soumbawdy fraum that aira. We were gaided awn impraupr speling. It was rathar fun.

        (And no, I was unaware that “minge” was a slang word in any language, let alone Britch.)

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 26
        sarajean80 permalink

        *Google break*

        giggles

        Minge.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          *Follows SJ on the Google Break*

          Huh… well… that sure gives today’s name a weird connotation doesn’t it?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          Maybe you should Google-check things before you name yourself after them, minge-boy.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 April 26

          Okay, everyone STOP IT! I’m getting dizzy and nauseous…and if I wanted to do that I’d visit the cheezburger site.

          *goes to lie down with cool compress*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26

          did you check “minger” too? If not you really should TM.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          New pron name: Mork and Mingey

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 April 26

          What? Smuttiness ensuing without my presence? I demand an espla Nation!
          Away in a minger no bleach for his head
          the little craiglisters esplode their smart heads

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 April 26

          Mork and Mingey, starring Robin Williams as a geriatric transvestite from space that grants wishes!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Now, y’all sound like you need a higher class of gutter.

          It was clear to me that today’s Taco incarnation was obviously a proponent of the Minions of Ming the Magnificent.

          That, or I was automatically abjuring the concatenation of ‘taco’ and ‘minge’ in both the pr0n and found-scary-thing-in-back-of-fridge senses.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          Taco Fingers and Texy Mingers mean almost the same thing if you stop to think about it.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          No, not stopping to think
          Mashing on accelerator to not imagine
          zoom-zoom-zoom

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 April 26
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Newer pron name: Minge the Magnificent.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 26
        A. Lion permalink

        I have a thinge for minge.

        Adores: 3
  5. 2010 April 26
    Colleen in MA permalink

    Is it weird that I find the plack of Grammy’s pies kind of … um … well … pornographic. That’s a … kind of … um … large piece of pie. More berry for your buck. Come on! Or maybe it’s just me.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 April 26
      Texy Mingers permalink

      That’s ok. If there’s one thing we do well here, it’s weird.

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 April 26
        sarajean80 permalink

        I’m voting that for Understatement Of The Year.

        Adores: 11
    • 2010 April 26
      LimeLolly permalink

      Isn’t that what made Grammy ‘famous’?

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 26
      Lola permalink

      Cherry pie costs extra. Harder to get.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 April 26
        CapnMac permalink

        Except for that once.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          grampdaddy permalink

          The crust is sometimes difficult to get through, unless made with Extra Virgin Olive Oil.

          That’s what PopEye said…

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      Ok, now I am.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 26

      My, what big cocks you have.
      All the better to bang you with!

      Too far?
      *backs out of room*

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 April 26
        Colleen in MA permalink

        I am truly hangin’ with the right crowd. How could I doubt that! lol

        Wasn’t sure if it was just the fact that I was hanging out with a sullen 14-year-old all weekend that made my brain revert to fart-joke status.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          *Frrrrt*

          Hehe *snort* hehe.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          If you hang around long enough, HHNF will let you try on the squirrel* costume.

          *I can’t beleive** I spelled that right the first time!

          **Dammit.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 April 26

          Hehe, fart joke.

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGfAGAXxSOY&feature=related

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 April 26
        grampdaddy permalink

        Was that Gunter Grass that wrote that book – “Bang the Cocks Slowly”?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I believe that was Grunter Ass. Oh, no wait, that was “*Frrrrt*”

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 26

      I think that’s an entirely rational response.

      Is that problematic?

      Adores: 2
  6. 2010 April 26

    Apparently I’m “buying all,” which would require me to have a garage sale within a week.

    Where do I sign up?

    Adores: 1
  7. 2010 April 26
    sarajean80 permalink

    Anybody else have an earworm from Oklahoma! now?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 26

      Hell to the yeah….sigh…..

      And for those of you who don’t……

      OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHklahoma! Where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plane!
      And the wavin’ wheat, can sure smell sweet;
      When the wind comes right behind the rain!

      You can thank me later.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 26
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        I never knew it was so dangerous to fly over Oklahoma. Apparently the wind is sweeping down planes!

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 April 26
          mudslicker permalink

          … And the wind comes right behind the trains.
          Oklahoma, every night my honey gets lamb basted
          And watches me like a hawk
          While the zombies eat my brains.

          ~fin~

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 26
        CapnMac permalink

        Is that winter wheat?
        Is it minty or vintage?
        Ack! Zomb……………………

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26

          I b’lieve it’s stored in huge containers out back of the dollar store…or was that cereal? Psssh….cereal’s but a step away from wheat, right?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          Oh my God! Don’t go into the brain room!

          It’s full of zom-

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          No! Dave! Don’t!

          IT’S

          FULL

          OF

          BRAAAAIIIIINS!!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          Road cones protect my head…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Yeah, right, like orange vinyl gonna protect yur noggin when the zombie star child comes noshing . . .

          The Royal Navy wish to categorically deny all reports of cannibalism. After all, zombies are no longer hu . . . . .

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          I never said it would protect my brain.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 26
      Lola permalink

      “the dashboard’s GEN-YOU-WINE leather …”
      No, not at all. *sigh*

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 26
      lost_compass permalink

      This reminds me of the news story about this woman who claimed to have been abducted by aliens. She described their leader as having a body covered with thick hair, and what appeared to be a hypodermic sticking out of the top of its head.

      Yes, it was a furry with a syringe on top.

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 April 26
        LimeLolly permalink

        Wait… she was abducted by a furry? What did they do.. make her wear a costume? Has anyone seen HHNF?

        An OT: I love that one of today’s sponsors is: ‘Dairy Cow Welfare Facts’. Conspiracy theory has to start somewhere, I guess.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m getting the cow thing too, and some game called Chicktionary.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          Just because they’re fat and on welfare doesn’t mean they should be called dairy cows.
          And I’ll be returning that costume as soon as it’s been cleansed by a priest and/or nuclear fallout.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Metal art studio and “custom wood branding irons”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          I’m getting Portrait of our Lord advertisements. Funny, I thought photography hadn’t been invented in biblical times.

          Must be another one of those unexplained phenomena, only explained by visitors from another planet.

          It’s a conspiracy!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          It’s not Clothespin Jeebus, is it?

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 26
      LimeLolly permalink

      “Green Acres is the place for me…”

      (I miss that show)

      Adores: 3
  8. 2010 April 26

    “garganchuan taranchula” would be a great name for a rock band.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 26

      Arcomantula Tarantula!

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 26

      Followed by Big Ass Shoe and Lots of Woosie Screaming

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 April 26
        Grampdaddy permalink

        HHNF – I hate to ask, and I’m probably going to regret this, but WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT RABBIT?? It appears to be illegal in just about every state (except West Virginia, Arkansas, and possibly Utah) and the District of Columbia.

        *Goes to corner to remove eyeballs for thorough cleaning. Drops one, which rolls down heat run – replaces with benzedrine-coated ball.*

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          That’s a rabbit? 😮

          Geez, I need to get new glasses.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          I believe it’s called “Bathing”.

          In some places in the world people use “bathing” in order to clean themselves or animals in their care.

          Some haven’t quite grasped the concept however. The third day of a gaming convention is no better an illustration of this.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          grampdaddy permalink

          Uh-huh, Texy – and we’re supposed to believe someone who’s minge asplodes?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          Sometimes the first day is enough. For semi-intelligent people who can calculate the range of a +2 Fireball in their heads, the concept of “laundry” seems almost impossible to grasp.

          Adores: 1
  9. 2010 April 26
    A. Lion permalink

    These look great – I’ll take all. I can pick them up Chuesday, if that works for you. Also – Do you take custom orders? I’ve been trying to get my hands on a churtle in a chuxedo; if you can make one playing a chuba, I’ll pay double.

    Adores: 9
  10. 2010 April 26
    LimeLolly permalink

    I’m having a real problem with the ‘You are buying all’ phrase. I can’t use the checkerboard chickens. My cat will have epileptic fits.

    I demand to buy just one… I want the NigurFalls picture. But I am intrigued by Three Stuges or Marilyn Monroe, is it photoshopped?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 April 26
      srajean80 permalink

      Maybe it’s one of those lentigraphic pictures where you see one image if it’s held one way and another image if you tilt the picture. I hope not, the idea of Marilyn Monroe morphing into the Stooges is disturbing.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 April 26
        LimeLolly permalink

        Better than Larry, Moe and Curly in a white dress over a subway vent — :shudder:

        Though… Larry’s probably got the legs for it! 🙂

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          shudder I’m gonna need the brain bleach for that one.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          We’ll be calling Larry ‘Curly’ now.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          I’m Moe. This is my brother Curly, and my other brother ‘Curly’. Shep’s in the corner.. he likes chicken stachues.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26

          I think that against some kind of moral stachuete.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          The Chinese buffet had Stachue Chicken out; for some reason it had crescent-shaped nutmeat in it.

          Now, I’a sore afraid to go back; might have Moo-shoe Vane on the steam table (or Nanna’s Plack).

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          Total OT…and blame the Capn…but this reminds me of a story….

          I was working at the corporate headquarters for a large retailer. Less than a block from our office was a Chinese restaurant. Nearly every day, a group or two of people from the office would go there for lunch. I was often asked, but never went – I tend to be rather lone-wolfy at work.

          One day, I decided that I needed to see this gastronomical Mecca that I kept hearing about.

          I drove past it on my way home.

          I looked at the storefront, in a row of other storefronts, to see a very unassuming-looking place.

          Then, I looked next-door to it and nearly crashed the car.

          Right next door to this fabulous Chinese restaurant, sharing one common wall, was….

          ….a “no-kill” animal shelter….a very small no-kill animal shelter…

          very.small.

          I still have nightmares about that one.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 April 26
          Dr Rumack permalink

          Don’t call me Curly.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26

          CJ,
          I’ll make it worse by telling you a story that no child should ever have to suffer through. I shall call it, ‘Twilight’. Wait, what?
          I lived in Uganda while I was small, and we took trips into town once or twice each week for supplies and church. On the way there was this bright pink pet store full of cute critters. Guinea pigs! Bunnies! Piglets! Chicks! Occasional monkey! *that’s a rare breed* Things that looks kind of like possums! Fish!
          I used to be bitterly disappointed that my parents wouldn’t let us go in. one day when I was old enough to walk to town with my brother and friends, the local kids wanted to go to this place that made cheap jambalaya-type food with meat and mangoes and figs. Hey, why are we headed to the pet store?
          My parents were saving my tiny brain. Depending on how much money you had, how many people were in your family, you could pick an animal. And a fruit. And some rice, corn, leeks.
          Therapy has never quite fixed it.
          Hey, look! There’s a bunny being prepared right now—>

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          And you got to feed the tiny animals jambalaya? That sounds fun.

          What? Did I miss something?

          Adores: 5
  11. 2010 April 26
    DontTryThisAtHome permalink

    BTW, photos of the Nigurfalls pictaus are available. Just Gargle nigurfalls. They are bautifaul.

    I also suggest that we start using the home recipe for Brain Away. It has simple ingredients; we really can save a lot of money. I mean, why waste good money on cleansers when we have so many great things to buy on CL.

    All you need to make your own Brain Away is 1 quart bleach, three tabs LSD, a quart of gin, and a gram of obscurium.

    Mix in a 3.142 quart pail, pour into a pi tin, and bake.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 April 26
      Ten permalink

      While I don’t normally encourage the use of such things, I do know a man with a large quantity of Retcon we could try. I understand it’s very affective.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 26
        Texy Mingers permalink

        I know a guy with a great deal of Recton for sale. But it serves an entirely disperate purpose.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 April 27
          Windrose permalink

          Hey Texy, just so you know, if you get put in the Don’t Suck box under that name, well, it’s going into a whole new account. *evil grin*

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 April 26
      sarajean80 permalink

      Can I substitute weapons-grade bolonium for the obscurium? I happen to have some laying around.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 26
      LimeLolly permalink

      Can we substitute with vodka? Gin gives me a berry bad headache.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 26
        CapnMac permalink

        Me too, Juniper.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 April 26
        sarajean80 permalink

        I think you have to add a twist of lemon rind if you do. And one of those paper unbublers.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26

          What about to-kill-ya? I’m uh Texan, and we tends to love us some of that ‘spensive cactus water.

          *digs around in fridge* Here’s some limes, and I know I’ve got a salt shaker…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          It is well to remember (in adavnce, rather than after the fact) that the Dutch invented gin as a patent medicine as a pallative for everything from vapours to multiple myeloma to paint stains.
          The Brits, having access to Turpentine, developed gin as a quinine delivery device.

          Give me malt whisky instead, the Sarkies can have my ration of gin and two more besides.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          Texy Mingers permalink

          Mmmm.

          Tequilla Mocking Bird is my favorite drink.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          CJ just made me go all agave

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26

          Didn’t mean to make you blue, Capn.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          …searching for my lost shaker of salt…

          And Oklahoma! has been replaced as today’s earworm thanks to CJ.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26

          hmmm, me too sarajean, much better earworm that one.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26

          Told ya you’d be thanking me later. 😉

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, I’m more argent about añejo
          Keeps the zombies awa a a a a a a a a

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          CapnMac permalink

          Owh, my head, if I find the chum with a bottle of rhum from last night . . .

          (‘e’ll be zombie bait, ‘e will, arrgh [taking a pirate stand])

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 26
      Meej permalink

      Here’s a picture of Nigur (sic) Falls!
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gurarafalls.jpg

      Hmmm, it’s not very old, though. Maybe that’s not what they meant?

      Adores: 0
  12. 2010 April 26
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    My kitchen has really bad allergies, so I was considering getting a place for it in Arazona. But I’d have to fire all of my Mexacan dishwashers and cooks.

    Adores: 3
  13. 2010 April 26
    CapnMac permalink

    Once more, let me be in condolence for all those poor, beknighted liberriens out there who have to be downwind for the babbling Sparkies abusing the pubbik lybarry’s interywebs.

    We probably cannot give them enou bleach for any use, and yet, they continue to not engage in mass geldings or the like.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2010 April 26

    mmmm, pizza. Later folks……..

    Adores: 1
  15. 2010 April 26
    LimeLolly permalink

    Huh, just noticed the You Don’t Suck box..

    Not sure what it says about me that it takes significant alcohol comsumption to get there. *facepalm* How am I supposed to make it through a week with this kind of pressure? Pick someone else.. anyone.. I need a stunt double, stat!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 April 26
      Texy Mingers permalink

      Just hang around a little longer and WindRose will be around to get you some punch. Or punch you. I can never remember.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 April 26
        LimeLolly permalink

        So.. you won’t let me hide behind you?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 April 26
          sarajean80 permalink

          Watch out for that right hook. And the left.

          You might want to just lie back and think of England.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 April 26

          Hiding behind Magical Tacos only adds to your problems, LimeLolly. It also adds to your Psychiatrist’s wallet.

          Adores: 2
  16. 2010 April 26
    CapnMac permalink

    Hmmm, going to go get an enchiladas norteñas plate, all this taco talking business making a person hungry.

    All so cerebral, you know, these b’b’b’brrrrraiiiiiiinnnnnns

    Adores: 0
  17. 2010 April 26

    Spam posts deleted. I got the “Kelly” one earlier too.

    Edited to add: I suspect that the deleting of posts might have something to do with posts going into places other than where they should go; I think deleting the posts and leaving replies messes things up. I’m testing this by deleting both Lola’s and LimeLolly’s posts alerting me to one of the spam posts.

    Adores: 0
  18. 2010 April 27
    Windrose permalink

    LimeLolly, It’s your day to shine! Punchity-punch-punch! Or do I mean Shiner?

    Adores: 0
  19. 2010 April 27
    screamer permalink

    Ring, ring. “Hello”. “Stachue?” “No, it’s me”.

    Sorry, just a stupid conversation we used to have around my house (when other people besides me lived here of course!)

    Adores: 3
  20. 2010 April 27
    queensbee permalink

    i got here very late, and i am laughing way hard. thank you all. i could not spell that badly even if i tried. did this person even attend school??

    Adores: 0
  21. 2010 April 30
    Marilyn permalink

    If I lived in America, I’d be very afraid.

    Adores: 0

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