YSaC, Vol. 674: Who knew aqualungs breathed fire?
“hey y’ll , [website] , is holding an open casting call for a new SCI-FI HOW TO ARTS/CRAFT / TOY /PROP SHOW . i need a few good people who want to be famouse . I NEED SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE …” JETHRO THE DRAGONBOT ” Jethro is the mascot of the studio.., he will be making personal apperances , as well as kids / interactive party / lawn combat scenerios , yeah , you read it right …, INTERACTIVE LAWN COMBAT SCENERIOS ….. WITH WATERGUNS AND FOAMBALLS/MISSLES,ETC..,the EXOPUPPETEER , MUST be humanoid , male/female/other…, 5’8” to 6′.2” in height …, strong , athletic , good with kids / public.., clean background ., it helps if your in touch with your INNER-KLINGON!!!…………………………NEXT……………………i ‘m looking for A FEMALE COHOST FOR MY UTUBE SHOW… IM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN BE A ”KELLY ”TO MY” REGGIS” .I WANT MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY GIRL , I WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN ”BRING SOMETHING ” TO THE SHOW.SHE CAN BE HUMAN , VULCAN , WHT/BLK/YELLOW , EVEN A HOLOGRAM …BE CREATIVE !!!!THE UTUBE CHANNEL IS ..[YouTube Channel] , I HAVE VIDEO COMING UP THIS WEEKEND . LOOK FOR IT !! ….SO PLEASE SEND STATS TO .. [email] , LIVE LONG AND WELL….[poster’s initials]. ”
Cheers!
Yeah, you read it right.
What’s scary is that I actually have very little difficulty envisioning a kids / interactive party / lawn combat scenario. In fact, it’s almost harder to imagine a kids party that doesn’t involve lawn combat in one way or another.
Maybe I should apply for this job. I’d like to get more in touch with my inner Klingon, I’m humanoid, and I’m definitely male/female/other. I’m not sure I want to be famouse, however. I think that may have been one of Dangermouse’s lesser known allies, I’m not sure.
The second job might be a better fit for me. I am, after all, more than just a pretty girl. I’m not a hologram, but I’m sure I can bring something to the show. How does potato salad sound? Or Pie Balls? My stats are “1 in 35,” “64%,” and “5200 plus or minus 300”.
Thanks for the link, Allison!
DM Reference for the Saturday Morning Cartoon win! 8) I, too, am much more than just a pretty girl. I can bring birds to the show. My stats are 15 strength, 20 charisma, 26 intelligence. But I think I failed the roll for initiative. Pity.
I read famouse as farmhouse. I’m also dissapointed that I only have three color choices for the second job, I’m calling my buddy Al Sharpton.
“Famouse” could be an abbreviation for Famous Grouse whisky and although i’ve long harboured ambitions to be a whisky, I was wanting to be something a little less pedestrian – Cardhu perhaps.
You know your whiskeys sweetbiscuit. Wish we could share a wee dram or two – Slangevar! ….
Och, aye; I’ve malt whisky in quantity, ane nane t’share’t wi’
I’m about to have a wee dram of the Glen Grant as it’s a drech afternoon here. * pours and passes quality Highland Single Malts to one and all * Here’s looking up yer kilt!
sweetbiscuit – If ye ur lookin’ fur mah briefs th’ joke is oan ye, Ah hae nane.
Keptin – Ah woods be thaur if Ah coods.
The correct answer to the impertinent question of what a Scot wears under his kilt is “Shoes.”
Och, Avatar, t’would be welcome enou, as long as humid heat, and languid torpor would suit.
Oh, and the cat gets to vet you, as with any other visitor.
Th’ heat wulnae bortha me keptin. Ah hae bin tae heel an’ back mony a time. An’ a wee moggie is a friend ay mine.
Ah, a braw grae’ sort ae yee?
[2245 report: 79º 74%RH 70ºDP for 83ºheat index; that at the airport, in the breeze]
Och, ane t’ mog ae nae wee, at ae stone an’ six, an’ as suspectin’ Campbells or tha’ ilk as any McDonald (and as wily at arms, tae).
May have to turn the a/c on though, the ‘ritas are too tasty tonight.
Ae stone an’ six! Yer mog main be a not.a.lion! Ah hiner ye keep heem weel fed.
There’s only one Jethro this brings to mind.
Come and listen to the story of a man named Jed
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was cruisin’ Craigslist posts,
And soon Elly May was a Youtube co-host
(Critters, and all. Halter tops. Reggis-style)
Well the first thing you know Jethro’s a dragonbot,
His kinfolk said you can be a famouse mascot
They said lawn combat will fulfill your every wish
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Downtown Ish
(Geeks, that is. CL nuts. Sparkyville)
Adore!
Oh, and “Sparkyville” is my new catchword.
“He’s heading into Sparkyville now”. Can’t wait to use it!!!
+elebenty brazillion.
“elebenty brazillion”
Sounds very painful…. or at least chafing.
Dunno, sounds more like exotic to me.
You’ve seen REAL numbers.
You’ve postulated IMAGINARY numbers.
Heck, you’ve even dabbled in CAT numbers!
But now, introducing the brand new, one-of-a-kind TROPICAL numbers!
Call now and receive one free Brazillion, Twelve-Thousand and Congo, -4.Malaysia, and, of course, the ever popular Costa Rica^Borneo!
Let’s see if I got this right:
4brazillian plus peruvy-two is ecuador to eight honduras minus chile-three?
Paraguay right, but you have to ecuador the guyana or the uruguay will suriname, and bolivia will argentina the columbia (and half a Canal)
Bravo! +25 #2 Gerbert meats jars – empty, to be filled with adores.
Wow. I just. Wow! Bravo!!!
Based on the post title mentioning an aqualung, I’m pretty sure the ‘Jethro’ that YSAC was thinking of was the band Jethro Tull — one of their best-known songs was called Aqualung. (They named the band after a British agricultural pioneer that invented the ‘seed drill’ that vastly improved & sped up the planting process over doing it all by hand.)
Yup, that’s correct, you’ve successfully explained dan’s joke. What people usually do here in the comments section is make new jokes of their own, as lost_compass has so cleverly demonstrated above.
You’re lost, aren’t you? Do you have all the albums in minty condition? Do you have your own web site dedicated to Jethro Tull? Does your sense of humor seem to lag at social gatherings? 8/ Hope you stick around here long enough to get it, and maybe enjoy the comments instead of trying to explain the posts.
Having just finished a novel set in a Chinatown setting, I initially read that as “Jethro the Dragonboat.” That’s only a little weirder …
I further misread your interpretation as “Jethro the Dungboat.” Maybe we should play a game of “telephone” and see how many misinterpretations it takes for the ad to make sense.
*snort*
Poor Jethro …
Jello the Dingbat!
Ooh! I get a punch!
I was going to tell you to ask Windrose to spike the punch for you, but those knuckles are deadly enough without spikes 🙂
I wouldn’t be surprised if I Googled, say “Jethro The Dragonbot,” and found out that this guy is also a Dr Who fan who does Tardis repairs. Nope, not surprised at all. I should really try Googling that at some point. Yep, I gotta get around to that soon.
Great! I needed my TARDIS repaired–it’s a miniature, I hope that won’t be a problem. Unfortunately, a Norwegian Satanic grindcore zombie recently stole all of my boxes of vintage cereal while I was changing the batteries in my flashlight, so I will have to find some other form of payment. I’m thinking furniture covered with disembodied animal heads–I have a bunch just lying about. It would go great with the Dragonbot’s elegant colour scheme and beautiful lines.
I also wouldn’t be surprised if this guy is a self-proclaimed Druid who has horrible taste in clothing and home decor…
“it helps if your in touch”
Taco- is that you?
Taco is not allowed to touch his inner-Klingon. In fact, the court order requires him to stay at least 100 feet from it at all times.
Well, yesterday he averred to more like a chalupa, laid out flat, than the subliminty of a taco
Welcome back, Grampdaddy!
Alas, poor Taco appears to have come down with something that put him in touch with his innard Klingon. Maybe we should send Jethro to visit him and help him recover! I’m sure it would cheer him up. Or scare the snark back into him.
At 2 am here, they are always selling drinks and pills that they swear will clean out my innard Klingons. Apparently it just flushes those little buggers out!
This is really disturbing. I picture Jethro the Dragonbot as a sort of mechanical Barney. That shoots lasers. It’s both awesome and highly disturbing.
“It’s both awesome and highly disturbing.”
This is an apt summary of many of our comments here …
I don’t think there is anything more mechanical than the actual Barney, except the horrible kid-bots he’s friends with. Ugh, highly distrubing!
Ooh ooh pick me! I want to be the female cohost. Please! I want to be the Tull to your Jethro. I can bring something to the show – my pie ball dachshunds, Ian and Anderson. I can send you my stats but please no multiple regression analysis as I had to take econometrics twice. I’m sort of peach-ish in color, if that is okay. Please let me know if I should quit my job or not. Thanks!
After wond’ring aloud about it, I suggest (since it’s not up to me) the co-host be called cross-eyed Mary — though she’d likely get caught humming hymn 43 while kissing Willie with the fat man she called her teacher, who invariably would exclaim, “my GOD…lick your fingers clean!”
In case anyone is going “WTF?” at the previous paragraph, most of it is comprised of song titles by the band Jethro Tull, primarily off their ‘Aqualung’ album: http://remus.rutgers.edu/JethroTull/
Nor is it up to us. Nor is it really about Jethro Tull. Nor is it really real. This is all an illusion. We use smoke, mirrors, and specially brewed tea. 8)
Oh, please, someone find his utube channel.
Aw crap, I found it… I can’t believe I wasted that 23 seconds.
Do give us the highlights, Graham!
Well, you get to see Jethro in action… Incidentally, under “Occupation” on his channel page he writes “to many to list”… hmmn…
*cough*celticfoxstudios77777*cough*
*cough*celticfoxstudios77777*cough*
Is that the sound of you throwing up in your mouth, GT?
Yes, and a little bit of what’s left of my soul dying.
I’d be willing to make personal appearances, but there’s no way I’m making kids.
Kids are easy to make, you take a billy goat and a nanny goat …..oh not that kind of kids? Nevermind.
*is sort of a mouse, but not quite a famouse*
Do unblubbers counts as props? I’m thinking it would be useful against the waterguns.
Hey Dan, I have a question!
Does fire-breathing aqualung = locomotive breath?
I’d appreciate the clarification!
Beats the hell outta me.
I thought this was the answer to how does drmk make sure the posts go up on time. 8)
Dear Manda, are you seeking a clarification as to whether the breathing gasses in the tank are FOR fire breathers, or are incendiary/aflame?
Personally, I’ve got Todd R in my head, and it’s more smooth than scorchy
[exegesis]
is holding an open casting call
Ah, “dating” by another name . . .
for a new SCI-FI HOW TO ARTS/CRAFT / TOY /PROP SHOW
That’s a
Sci-Fi How to arts Show &
Craft Show &
Prop Show
Ok, despite Sparky’s deficiencies, he’s conducting a show on the mechanics of being a specific genre of writer. Possibly using scrapbooks, or carved potatoes, maybe some cross-stitch?
Plus an array of support devices (or ship and/or aircraft propulsion devices)?
i need a few good people who want to be famouse .
A few one one person? Or one person with many persona? Or just a quick-change artist?
And, a fan-mouse? Isn’t that a Monty Python sketch?
he will be making personal apperances , as well as kids / interactive party / lawn combat scenerios
Jethro the dragonbot puppet is to manufacture
Kids
interactive party &
lawn combat scenaria?
That’s a busy puppet.
No, wait, puppet does the Frankenstein bit and raises chevrolette from the grave; revolting pheasants with torches and pitchforks are interactive and on the lawn . . .
the EXOPUPPETEER
Ok, is that an exo-skeletal puppet (worn by puppeteer) or an externally-operated puppet that has run afoul of the Hansen/Oz folk guarding the use of “muppet”?
5′8” to 6′.2” in height
So, 74.25″ is too tall? Why no precision on the minimum size? (Not thinking Tom Cruise is that hard up for a role, yet . . . )
good with kids / public, clean background
So, the ideal candidate will have never walked in front of refuse, or urban blight or the like.
Unless in private. And may need animal husbandry skills
it helps if your in touch with your INNER-KLINGON!!!
I ran into a company that still uses Lotus Notes for email; in touch is still out there? Don’t you require an OUTER klingon to need a communication protocol? Or is this a bad klingonee translation?
WHO CAN BE A ”KELLY ”TO MY” REGGIS”
Reggis? Is this some form of Potter-latin for kingdom?
I WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN ”BRING SOMETHING ”
Donuts? Craft supplies? Translator? Or, that easy answer for that party you really did not want to go to–Chips?
LIVE LONG AND WELL
Sparky can’t spell “prosper”–hey, that’s why the sci-fi arts fair, a seminar on hoe to cut-n-paste !
[/exegesis]
Ah, how I now need margaritas . . .
Get a pitchur full, Capn! It’s just the right time of day for them in my part of town.
I can’t get a pitchur full o’ Capn. It makes my head hurt. Can’t handle my Capn at all!
That’s not going to help spiced rum sales, now, is it?
One small correction Cap’n, it’s Henson not Hansen for the muppet reference.
OT comment – Strangely, I thought Big Bird was a female until I was ten.
Yeah, noticed the misspelling, naturally after the edit window closed.
And, Meredith has me hankering to make hurricanes by the batch, too . . .
Just let me get a helmet, and promise me you won’t hold anything I angrily scream at you against me tomorrow? Other than that, I’m ready to set sail, Capn!!!
Ouch, hurricanes, what I was drinking the night I realized I was diabetic. It’s going to be many years before I can show my face in Lafit’s (sp?) Blacksmith Pub. Which is sad, since it had been my favorite New Orleans bar.
My snark suffered a severe beating during finals…it’s still in the hospital right now. I may have to return to lurking until it’s back to full strength.
PS – I’m done with law school!
*sends Congratulations balloons and flowers to Bridgete’s snark in the ICU*
*sends case of bottled sanity to Brigete*
I’d like a case, too. Danke.
Sorry, Denny, that was my last case. Ran low this week – the only ones left are behind the “in case of emergency, break glass” cabinet. I hope I don’t have to use them all before next Friday’s shipment.
I don’t even need an “emergency” for that…I’ll do it just to break shit. It’s been that kind of week.
Needing to break glass just might qualify as its own emergency (have also had a week like that).
Thanks Lola!
Huh, I didn’t know bottled sanity was spelled “V-O-D-K-A”…
Bridgete, bottled sanity has whatever label you need it to have on it. One of its great attributes (that, and being sanity).
My snark greatly appreciates the flowers and balloons, and is starting to feel better. Thanks!
Well done, Bridgete! (The bar exam may also do some temporary damage to your snark, but don’t worry, it grows back quickly.)
Oh good. I knew the bar would do some damage too, but I’m glad it won’t be permanent.
Hurrah! I’m sure you’re snark will be better before you know it.
They had me at “Hey y’ll.”
I got up this morning and read it as, Hey y’ll,Website!!! I promptly went back to bed for three hours more sleep.
Todays wonderfully snarky comments: too many to list…
Just so you all know, you came up today. My guy said something about arseholes on a website. “Well, they’re on every website, really”, he said. “Yeah, I know. OH WAIT, except on YSaC”. “That’s really awesome, babe”, he said, and then promptly changed the subject. But the point IS, you guys are the ONLY site I can think of that has a nearly perfect track record of arsehole free days! I would say it’s 99.8% arsehole free!!! Sure, every now and then a stray wanders in, but they soon realize that they’ve wandered out of their own pasture and go scampering back to Arse-land (yes, it IS a real place!). Soooo, I guess I’m trying to say…I love you mans!
p.s. Went to the comic shop yesterday. Walked by a rack and loudly exclaimed, “GRAHAM!” as I snatched up a Deadpool comic. You’re in my blood, you all are.
Aww, thanks meredith! Although I am now picturing little avatars floating through your veins on innertubes, drinking margaritas and calling to the unseen others, “come on in, the snark is fine!”
Wow, cause that’s exactly what I meant. How’d you know that?
*waves flask from innertube*
See, told ya. The doctor said to just let it run it’s course. Should be out of my system in a week, as long as I stay away from unblubers, not-a-lions, nacho cheese fountains….aw crap.
Well that Spiced Rhum will have side effects, even tucked in with ymmy citrus flavors . . .
That’s funny, I can’t see a Deadpool comic without thinking of myself either. /extreme narcissism
Also, when I occasionally am legitimately looking for something on Craigslist, I’m constantly thinking… Not funny… not funny… bad spelling but still not funny…
I, too, have discovered that occasionally when I’m looking for something in an actual ad, I realize I’ve ended up looking for YSAC submissions instead.
Yeah, and it’s totally a “you have to be there” thing. No one is going to get why someone having a Deadpool picture as his icon is full of win. It just IS, that’s all.
BTW, we seriously need an East Coast meet and greet. I’m thinking…ooohhhh, maybe October? That just happens to be the time I’ll be up in the NY for Comic Con.
We’re planning to be in Boston in mid-June. Announcement will be coming soon.
I happen to know that Sparky is going to be looking for some additional characters in the near future. You can send your specs and stats for consideration for the following positions:
Muffin the Village Idiot – Muffin is the paramour of Jethro (hence the name). Must be M/F/Dinosaur and have a tendency to eat small, obnoxious children. IQ between 6 and 14 mandatory, anger management issues would be a plus. If you are capable of being a total A-hole, I’ve got a place for you!
Endomorph the Belcher – must be willing to interact on screen with ExoPuppeteer in a playful, sadistic, and dehumanizing manner. Low self-esteem is a definite plus, and groveling is expected. If you have no dignity, can be flatulent on cue, and enjoy being exploited – this is the position you’ve been looking for.
If you just enjoy being exploited, you can be my ‘Kelly’ – send “revealing” photo and statistics, phone number – I’ll call (and call, and call, and call…)
Wait, for that to be true, doncha have to be loitering by coffee shops wanting wimmins to revert you?
Camille, sorry to make you wait all day for it. Does that make me a Sadist? Anyway, loved the post, here’s a well deserved Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Highlands! *hic*
And Kronos (or Qo’noS for the exo-pedantic) too
Aw, thanks, Windrose! Always worth the wait.