YSaC, Vol. 761: Can he find my missing socks?
Powerful summon
I am in need of a : summoner- one who can bring forth creatures from a different dimension
or realm.I am not insane nor stupid. I am in need to solve something. This is not a WoW quest nor a RPG
I will pay depending if the summoner can 1. prove he or she is a summoner and 2. The summoned entity is not enraged.
I also don’t want bloodshed.
Thank you
JF
Have you tried the hummingbirds? They’re communication experts, you know. And they can also do your taxes.
Now there’s an interesting question — let’s suppose that this summoner is in fact able to bring forth a creature from another dimension. Who would then be able to claim that creature as a dependent on their taxes? I mean, the summoner brought it forth, so they’re sort of responsible, but they did so at JF’s request, so he’s kind of responsible too. So would JF get to write off the existence of the non-enraged creature, or would the summoner? Thank goodness we have the hummingbirds here to answer this difficult question.
Thanks, Gonzalo!
This could be my big break! I summon Chthulhu out of the bedroom every morning! Although, I’d have to get him a cup of coffee first due to that whole “not enraged” clause.
I agree Windrose. Coffee is the only true method of summoning in my house as well. That and cartoons….
The words “Dinner’s ready!” work in my house.
The sound of the espresso maker pressing steam through the portafilter basket is usually good enough to summon me.
Cartoons or the sound of the PS3 welcome screen are also adequate.
The sound of my sister blasting Green Day works for me.
However, that generally tends to put me in an enraged state.
***
Astro’s Sister uses Music Blast!
It’s Super Effective!
Astro is enraged!
Astro uses “shut up, you antagonizing sadist!”!
It’s ineffective.
Astro’s Sister uses Taunt!
It misses!
Astro uses Gum Bribery!
It’s Super Effective!
Astro’s Sister runs away!
Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the Astrognash nation.
Oh, it’s not the Green Day itself that annoys me. It’s the blasting it so loud through the house that it wakes me up earlier than I wanted to wake up that I don’t like.
When I listen to Green Day (and I actually have been lately), I think of YSaC for some reason. Hmmmm. Must be the Idiot America part.
*psst: you CAN’T listen to Green Day without blasting it.
Perhaps a timed playlist request for your Sister *snicker*. Start out the day with a little acoustic – Eric Clapton or John Denver (BWAAHAHA) and move into the noon hour with some Beatles’ White Album — then finish the day with some White Stripes and Green Day.
I am SURE she would be accomodating (how much gum bribery supplies do you have?).
I am summoned quite often.
Fisrt, rhere is this “M`rao’rr’rr’AH!” from another dimension.
Then there can be bloodshed afterwards as my hands get “picked at” with the stray dewclaw or elebenty if there is not enough Breakfast!.
Anyone other than felis cohabitus tries this it tends to summon up whirlwinds with attendant bloodshed and risk of loss of limbs and life.
Ooooo, Windrose’s bedroom is a different dimension. Nifty! And I’m going to go ahead and assume it is surrounded by a stable bubble portal passing into this dimension. I’d totally pay you just for that!
“I once visited a dimension that was entirely shrimp. I tired of it quickly.”
(Reporting in from the Nifty Windrose Dimension)
She neglects to mention that it is Chthulhu who generally makes the coffee in the first place. He’s not easily enraged, though.
Taco is so lazy that he’s considered putting a power timer on his espresso maker so that it’ll act like an alarm clock rather than just making it for himself after he’s up.
Add a small steam whistle, cover the whole thing in brass with lots of rivets, and you’ll have a market for it.
Why you old punk, you.
This is brilliant! I’m totally going to work on rigging up some sort of Rube Goldberg coffe maker/alarm clock contraption when I get spare time.* I doubt I’ll go steam punk as my house is more modern minimalist.
*Spare time is at a premium right now, ask me how this is going in about 2 years.
I’m suddenly picturing the first scene from Back to the Future for some reason.
My regular old drip coffee maker has an alarm setting, it starts brewing coffee in the morning if I remember to set it. My espresso machine, however has nothing of the sort.
Echoes of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for me. Back to the Future, while excellent, was a johnny-come-lately to the world of household gadgetry in movies.
Though it’s a toss-up for me between Dick Van Dyke and Christopher Lloyd for “more lovable eccentric inventor”. Both come in behind Gene Wilder.
Just an uneducated guess, but since espresso machines could be considered pressure vessels and could possibly explode if handled wrong, it would probably be a bad idea to set one on a timer. Unless you’re not fond of your kitchen.
Or are more lazy than smart.
Gene Wilder in “Willy Wonka” totally creeped me out. He crossed the line from “loveable and eccentric” to “weird and scary”.
Those exist in Britain, though, of course, they make tea rather than the Devil’s Own Brew. WANT. It’s so very Wallace and Gromit.
I used to use an X10 appliance controller on the coffee pot (a small “4 cup” maker).
It did not save much in time in the morning, and the grounds were basically left out all night in the filter, which made for less-ideal effects with the humidity range here.
Not sure I want to go look up what wireless G & N products are available. (I still want one that measures and reports, Off or Drawing current–a person could plug in a toaster and be told when it “pops”)
I once summoned strength and courage. And this other time, while I was singing a 1994 Sting hit from whatever album was out at the time, I forget, and this sad little turtle appeared out of nowhere, started going on about … well, I’m not sure really, I don’t speak turtle, but it sounded angry. Not enraged mind you, more like he was annoyed because I summoned him out of bed or something. Maybe I could do that again for some easy money. I mean, it’s a turtle, how bad can it be?
(Never you mind about Gamera. That was an accident.)
Gamera? The friend to all children? I hear he is filled with turtle meat.
I thought he had a small base of operations inside him. When did he have turtle meat installed?
Hurray for Gam-er-a!
Eyes, shell, claws, teeth!
and he’s really neat
Correction: Gamera was a friend to children everywhere. Now, thanks to an over zealous Chris Hanson, Gamera must stay at least 100 feet from schools and playgrounds.
Oh, great. Now I have the Peanuts singing the Mothra song in my head …
I was once served a summons. Does that count?
I once helped locate people so they could be served summonses. Does that count?
I was once served a summons, does that count?
Is there an echo in here?
Yeah… I didn’t notice I said word for word what you did until after ajax has expired.
It’s now also too late to pretend I did it on purpose.
It’s ok, Taco, the first time I read it I read “I once got served a summons, does that count?” so you didn’t look like a plagiarist :-p
P.S. Firefox says that “plagiarist” is the correct spelling, but it looks odd to me… oh well.
I read CJ’s as:
I once served someone a summons, does that count? Which is why I replied as I did.
Guess I need to actually read all the words.
Weird. That’s how I read CJ’s, too…. *checks the coffee slices and water bottles for hallucinogens*
To be fair, CJ, Lola’s shoulder knees were blocking Taco’s view of your comment.
Well, I have been served; I have delivered service; and I have caused summons to made to be served.
It’s a trifecta of sorts, a twisted one, and I’m not sure what it say about me to be surrounded by all that summoning. Perhaps I need to become a JP so I can issue the fool things.
I read Taco’s as “I once served a summons, does that count?”
AND I gave him a door for it too because it made me chuckle.
I need the antidote..STATIM!!!
I thought Taco said “I once was served AS a summons.”
*evil chuckle*
My
hummingbirdsminions are living up to their advertised abilities.*slinks off to think of other ways to mess with people’s perceptions…and curses the damned broken finger that’s making typing slow and painful*
I’ll take the job. I can’t actually summon creatures from another realm since THAT IS A COMPLETE FANTASY but I will whack Sparky with a clue by four until he thinks I have summoned a creature from another realm.
Or my arm gets tired, whichever happens first.
It’s ok to hope your arm gets tired first, right?
Make sure to bulk up on pasta before you start hitting him. You’d hate to run out of energy just a few hundred slaps in.
Use your hips. Most of the power is derived from the hips. Oh, and follow through.
I’ve got just the guy. He’s a neighbor of mine.
Is that Lord Misjay?
Looks more like Rha’s al-Ghul to me.
it’s Dr. Orpheus from the Venture Brothers.
[/cartoon corey]
Jeeze Astro, you’re too young to know what Rha’s al-Ghul really looks like. You’re supposed to think he’s an Irish ninja!
Damn kids and their not misunderstanding Batman.
The real question, however, is as to how IF managed to embed an image.
I’m sticking by my belief, however misguided, that he is obviously Morgan Freeman.
He’s also a wordpress admin. He has access to all kinds of website voodoo.
All doors that may ever be made, sent unto you.
Uncle Steve?
I also don’t want bloodshed
Deal breaker. If you’re going to go to the trouble of summoning, a
lot oflittle blood in the mix should be expected.“I am not insane nor stupid”.
Are you sure?
Maybe you aren’t, Sparky, but I bet a lot of your replies (the serious ones, not that you will be able to tell the difference) will be.
It would be very, very tempting to post an ad like this just to see what sort of nutball-fruitcakes replied.
Hi SJ!
You say nutball-fruitcakes like it’s a bad thing. Those are lovely for the holidays! *hic!*
I just wonder how many would recognize the address of the County Jail intake door in the ad . . .
I demand a re-screening!
What do you see in this inkblot?
Boobs and/or people having kinky sex.
Lolly, did you show him Inkblot #34 again?
I didn’t think I did… it said #69.. oops, my bad.
That explains why it was upside down.
Line crossed?
I think so, mudsy…sure took y’all long enough today!
That’s because Hammy isn’t here today. He usually fast-forwards things pretty quickly.
Taco’s too busy venturing further and further into Geekdom with Astro to pick up the slack.
😉
I am no-
OH! I finally found a place where I can import the M.A.S.K. DVDs from Australia!
*Wanders off*
You forgot your joystick…..
Is it wireless?
I actually preferred joysticks back when I got to plug them into the box.
What?
And the box LIKED it that way!!!
What?
There, now we’ve crossed a line where only geeks may tread.
*G.W.Bush banner flapping in the breeze*
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!!
Hi!
*waves from inside a Postgres database hell, apparently since I’m an IP network guy I should know all about databases too. Boss logic at it’s best*
Isn’t powerful summ-on a function button on the catulator?
AAAAHHH!
This place has more people pop up out of nowhere at the mention of their names than a Candyman movie.
Okay…I’m going with the flow on that phenomenom and closing my eyes and saying, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Johnny De……
Hi Mudsy
Come closer
*This is NOT a trap!*
Symptoms of medication: vivid dreams
CheshireItCat!!! That wouldn’t even pass for Johnny Depp on Dating in the Dark. “Why Johnny, what big teeth you have.”
It’s a Carp!
Curses foiled again!
*Takes a bite of Taco before swimming off*
Hmmm, tastes like banana…
As an aside, are there “Summoners” in World of Warcraft?
No, Summoners come right after Springs.
I think Summoner Glau plays Wow, doesn’t she?
Wouldn’t a more appropriate grammatical construction be, “I am neither insane nor stupid”?
[corey][/corey]
Here IF, you dropped these.
Given:
I do not think our Sparky here is acquainted with proper grammatical constuctions.
*r*
Moira, I think you dropped this.
According to my Chaucer, “Summoners are usually low-class characters whose job it is to bring people before the ecclesiastical court for sins such as illicit intercourse.”
This may be a more fun evening.
I was totally thinking of Chaucer. Summoner’s tale, ahoy.
Is Chaucer that guy who talks like CapnMac after he’s had a little too much, er, um old spice?
Capn is totally gonna swoon when he sees the Chaucer reference.
Time and tide wait for no Capn.
Too sharp teeth-ed wit like sharkitty’s dentition about this place.
Jeffy Chaucer makes my head hurt.
Somewhere between listening to Jeff Gordon and John Force in misery.
I’d rather read Burns with no Erse dictionary handy.
Yeah, well Capn, obviously you don’t know your Erse from a hellgate. Chaucer rules!!
I’m still puzzling over what it is that Sparky is “in need to solve” that requires a creature from another different dimension or realm. Last night’s geometry homework? A really, really tricky New York Times crossword? The answer to life, the universe, and everything?
Sounds like a great question for Family Feud:
Rubik’s cube? *good answer, good answer*
Holy clothespin Jeebus, even I can tell him 42.
In Soviet Russia, 42 answer to you!
Magic word square?
“…and the survey says,” *DING!*
How many licks to the middle of a Tootsie Pop? Why do birds suddenly appear? Why do fools
post on Craigslistfall in love? Who put the bop in bop shoo wop?kelli,
3
Just because you are near
Why do birds sing so gay?
Well, for that matter who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
It’s a prank to annoy the neighbors. The clown was good, but you can’t keep using the same schtick.
Will guess the [corey] is that JF wants to know why he wakes up and his apartment is filled with empty pizza boxes and beverage containers, how the full cabinets and refrigerator are always empty, and there is always this strange scent of burnt oregano and chives.
Must be an alternate dimention.
We here at the Institute for Summonation want you to know that we’re not happy until YOU are happy.
Need to conjure a demon to rid you of the pesky in-laws?
How about a nasty li’l rash for the boss?
Ever wish you could just make that nag of a spouse disappear?
We have the answers!
Just grab your credit card and dial 1-666-DEMONS. Our operators are standing by.
For the low, lwo, low, low price of just $666.66 we guarantee your troubles are over.
What do you get for that unbelievable price?
We’ll send you our patented “Summoning of the Summertime Summonners” Deluxe Package which includes one authentic glass receptacle, a decorative base with red flowers all around, and a packet of our top-secret “Summoner Elixir”.
Just mix the elixir, place it in the receptacle, attache the base and hang it from a tree branch in your yard. In no time at all the summoning summoners will arrive.
Yes, they may look like hummingbirds, but they are actually minions of evil ready to do your bidding.
AND, as an added bonus, if you act now we’ll send you this “My Summoners Do Feng Shui and Taxes” guide book for keeping your summoners busy when you aren’t feeling evil.
Hurry! Act NOW! Supplies are limited!!
But there ain’t no cure for the summertime summoners.
Why is it that when I call, I just get heavy breathing and evil laughing?
Are you choosing extension 666?
I thought I was.. let me try again…
*777* Gah!!!
*999* Arrghh!!
*666* *poof*
The Devil looks like Elizabeth Hurley…
Whoo-hoo! LOVE Bedazzled!!
Hey, that ad is a Fake!
Real summoners would know your need for a Summonsing before you did.
That ad is for some sort of Brittany fanclub . . .
*Draws a octapentagram on the ground*
Oh Fabulous Misjay of the Mine Hors dimension! Hear my whining!
I summon forth the minions of the French Prudential movement! Come forth army of bees to blight my neighbors truck! Come forth catulator with freshly installed kibble! Come forth corey in a minty shell! Come forth HYPNO DOGS! COME FORTH!
*Strikes the ground with his deer hoof coat rack*
*A cup of coffee appears*
Whew, doing that every time I want a refill is getting old.
Neighbors is supposed be be plural. Yeah… that’s totally it!
It’s still spelled incorrectly even though it’s plural: neighbors’ truck
Ah, but I have lots of neighbors but non of them own trucks! That means it makes sense!*
*This may not be true.
TacoSemantic Nitpicker….that’s what you are. Is that your Horrorscope sign?
🙂
I was born under the sign of pretentiousness*. That means I’m just better than everyone else.
*My wife is convinced that my sign is sarcasm.
I have to go with TacoMa’am on this one.
Oh…he was definitely born on the cusp of Sarcasm….that’s in the constellation Orangutan.
My YSaC meme brain just went into a time warp.
*I’ll have what Taco’s having*
I jumped to the left, and did a step to the right…
Please stop before you get to the pelvic thrust.
Your fishnets are showing.
He had a pickup truck, and the
devil’s eyes and so many bees
from a different dimension…
Can you summon a creature for me?
I’m not insane nor stupid, you see.
It can’t be enraged,
Or you won’t get paid,
‘cos I can’t bear to see people bleed.
I’ve already ranted about dimension jumping. Will these people never learn? No? Oh well, carry on. It could be fun to watch.
I can summon creatures from another realm, I do it every morning. All I have to do is take the Mystical Silver-Colored Cylinder from the Sacred Pantry, carefully remove the top by following the instructions scribed into it’s surface, and BOOM three creatures appear as if by magic.They can also be summoned by shaking the Enchanted Treat Bag. They are kind of small and fluffy; as far as minions of pure unadulterated evil go, they are not terribly intimidating.
That is almost what happens at my house, but if you are a little slow on the cylinder process, bloodshed may occur, in the form of minion’s paw and your ankle (he has no patience whatsoever).
I can do a similar summoning using a Kit-Kat bar.
Look around you. No people anywhere to be seen. Pull out a Kit-Kat and break off one of the bars; suddenly a friend appears, “Hey, can I have a stick?” Works almost without fail.
My minion responds to the sound of the blinds opening.
Lara! Haven’t seen you for a bit! Welcome.
Now Lola, you know there are many Lara’s out there, this might not be the same one. Let’s find out:
Saw you a few months ago in the comment section. You were wearing a cat avatar and replied to my comment. Tell me what flavor tea I spewed on my monitor. Hope the Lara sees this.
The treat bag works for me. Also the instant the can opener breaks the seal on a can of tuna, which he can distinguish from all other cans I may be opening.
If I ever need to summon Tron, I either open the fridge or the door to the bathroom. I do either of those things and all I hear is the frantic *thump thump thump* of legs and arms moving as fast as they can as a small person b-lines across the house.
Mine either won’t or can’t distinguish between a cat food can and a person food can, which can turn meal preparation time into a game of Let’s Trip Mama.
Mine thinks that anything that occurs in the kitchen (including washing dishes, bill paying, cocktail prep) is potential food for him. Likewise, if I open the fridge, he’s got his nose up against the crisper drawer in a hot second.
Firefly, and to a lesser extent Fearless, absolutely go nuts over running water. Firefly will “beg” in front of the kitchen (or bathroom) sink until someone picks her up, turns the faucet on a trickle, and sticks her head in the sink so she can play with the water. Fearless will sit in the bathtub and watch the water go down the drain when you turn the shower on, getting soaked in the process.
Mine comes and watches the water go down the drain when I pull the plug. He’s done this for more than two years, ever since I got him, and it never fails to be less than riveting, apparently. Running water though? He flees.
Ah, I’m lucky, can open has no effect.
Pop-top cans, on the other hand, soup, beans, potted meat, or the like–this requires immediate investigation.
Which is compounded by an intense desire for black-eyed peas.
Used to require watering the cat from the sink–with drinking from my palm being even betterer. Got a powered recirculating water bowl and that has suited ever since.
I can seriously open ANY OTHER CAN (oh, except cat food, but I only open that when he’s informed me that it’s dinner time) and Severus will remain wherever he is in the house. Tuna? All I have to do is break the seal on the can with the can opener and he is instantaneously underfoot, squawking at me in his best Siamese impression.
In need of a summoner? There’s an app for that!
I keep fumblethumbing that app too. Every time I try to get an update on the [local sports team]’s scores I end up summoning the minions of Lucifer. Talk about embarrassing.
I’m under the opinion that Lucifer and sports go hand in hand, so that might just be the way it works.
Yet another reason to be sad I can’t afford the iPhone
IT’S LARA! *GLOMP*
Down, boy.
:hands Lara a crowbar:
Here, you can use the Taco Removal Device.
Hey, Sparky, Anton LaVey for you on line 1.* Kenneth Anger on line 2.
*Yeah, I know he’s dead. He’s calling from another dimension. Good enough for you, Sparky?
Is Marie la Vaux his receptionist?
You mean Madame Laveau? Oui, good guess! She also directs calls and takes
ouija boardmessages from Aleister Crowley.Come on now, that’s sexist. LeVey is totally LaVeau’s office monkey. My question is, where do the LaLaurie’s fit in?
La la la la….
You’re right – Marie Laveau was the voodoo queen long before Anton LaVey was a dirty glimmer in someone’s eye …
Not sure about the LaLauries, but I can tell you that the next office party is – where else – NOLA.
One of my favorite cities in the world, hands down.
I’ll get there, one day.
Mine too, Archie, I dare say it even trumps Paris for both me and my husband.
Lola, get there as quick as you can, and venture out of the quarter (during the day for some parts) because there’s a whole lotta awesome out there.
[creepy Nola corey] The Lalaurie mansion, in New Orleans, is rumored to be haunted by the souls of the slaves who were tortured by Delphine Lalaurie, the Mistress of the manse. While ghost stories don’t stir much emotion in me, the accounts of the “experiments” and treatment of the slaves is probably the most horrific tale I have ever heard in my life. Do not google this, especially not now, if you want to sleep tonight. Wait until tomorrow when you can purge your brain with fresh snark.
Adding to his creep factor, the mansion is now owned by Nicholas Cage. [/creepy Nola corey]
ps: I can’t believe no one called me out on the errant apostrophe in my above comment. Thanks for letting me save face 🙂
[corey]According to Wikipedia (which must be true) most of the more gruesome stories of Madame LaLaurie are false and first appeared in a book self-published by a tour guide. And Nicholas Cage doesn’t own the house anymore, Regions Financial does.[/corey]
You need a summoner? I will preform a much proven method of drawing entities.
I’ll need wild sage, a lock of the hair of an infant, the petals from a mountain grown violet, the last breath of a woman who’s lived a full life, 100 grains from a black sand beach, 10 candles, 5 white and 5 red, and 25 gold pieces from a sunken gallion.
The ritual must take place at a full moon, on a night when the wind blows soft and low, and the stars fall delicately from the sky.
:::assembles the items in a circle. Lights candles, then lights sage from white candle flame. Tosses violets in the air. Opens jar of last breath and gives it to the wind. Burns infant hair in red candle flame. Arranges coins in center of fallen violets::::
And now! To Summon!!!!
:::Takes can of tuna and opener out of bag:::
:::wrrrhh…cccckkkk:::
And there we have it! Nothing in this realm or the next can resist the sound.
:cough: galleon :cough:
Alas! I will tolerate no underhanded charlatanry performed solely to obtain galleons from unwitting Muggles in my presence!
Unless you give me a 20% cut in all profits.
Uhhhhh…..my key wouldn’t work right then. Yeah, that’s it.
I have always prided myself on my speeling ability, but lately it’s been as though I have boxing gloves on my hands as I type. And my work computer is too awful to try and go back to correct. It simply shuts down on my and restarts…wonderfull machine.
Sending you a link on FB, Meredith. I fix sick computers for a living so I have a few free things you can try that may well improve things. Erm, provided your local IT group allows you to install stuff on your computer.
I’ve seen that ritual done while skyclad. But it’s just as comfortable to wear slippers and a robe, though the flapping in the wind scares off some of the creatures, especially the very meek ones.
And of the ones the flapping does not scare off, approximately 50% will investigate or attempt to hunt said flapping.
I only summon highly enraged creatures from another realm.
Sadly one of them is my ex-boyfriend. The enraging is mutual though
I can summon ducks from the realm of pond-in-front-of-my-house with pieces of bread.
They say the answer to your question is “Quack” “Quack quack quack” “Quack-quack”
That’s good advice
I don’t speak duck. Can you translate that into hummingbird code?
Our cat says the same thing.
You’ve got a cat that quacks?
Cool.
Darn. I just logged into my RuneScape account for the first time in over a year.
My magic is only level 18. Sorry, Dungeonmaster Sparky.
*Logs into Aardwolf*
Nope, no summoner class yet. I’m only level 921 anyway.
Perhaps we can set up a mystic battle between the summoner and St Anthony – the saint of lost things (like socks) ? http://www.catholicplanet.com/articles/article137.htm
I’d pay to see that. I don’t get out much these days… without my minder.
I usually just skip to the chase and pray to St. Jude (patron saint of lost causes).
Saint Dymphna would probably be the better choice, she’s the patron saint of the mentally ill. (She’s also the patron saint of possessed people, incest victims, and sleepwalkers.)
…and patron saint of people with f**ked up names.
Alot of those minor saints have really odd names, I found an Irish one on Wikipedia named Saint Mo Chutu mac Fínaill.
There should probably be a corey tag in there somewhere.
[matt] Why bother with minutia?!?! Stick to a few key holy peeps or just go directly to the Big Guy himself!! This whole minor saint thing smells of nepotism!! [/matt]
*exclamation points added to bring home the idea of righteous indignation more clearly
Very nice, very mattish.
[Gaeltacht corey] The Irish saint names related to/translated from the original Gaelic are doozies, since they are, by and large, pronounced like they are spelled … mmmm, next to never. Classic example: Niamh = pronounced “Neeve.” But in two syllables. Sort of.
You get the idea.
I did Irish lit for my master’s … read a sh!teload of things with unusual names. [/Gaeltacht corey]
[corey corey] The Gaeltacht is the part of western Ireland where (theoretically) it’s still natively spoken. [/corey corey]
Too bad. Depressy always cause bloodshed.
Depressy, nobody wants a visitor from the Psychotic Hobo dimension anyway. All you do is make everyone sad and steal pies set on the windowsill to cool. (If you have to do that, at least bring the pan back. That’s old-school Pyrex, right there!)
Don’t mention the word Hobo, Lola. It will only summon[er] that other winky $6 t-shirt fella. Now THAT guy gives me the creeps—in a Mitchum Deodorant kind of way.
**giggles, then winks at Mudsy.**
Mr. Winkey doesn’t cause bloodshed. Mr. Winkey just causes mild discomfort to extreme trauma.
**giggles some more.**
Am I the only one who somehow thinks Mr Winkey looks like R. Pattinson if he really, really let himself go? Or am I projecting because they both deeply annoy me?
I see what you mean. He kind of does.
AGH!!!
I just had a mental image of Mr. Winkey as…
…one of those sparkly pseudo-vampire things.
I’ll get the Brain Bleach.
Pseudo-vampires is the old term, Astro. About 2 months before you came to YSaC we had renamed them to “David Bowies”.
*Pictures Mr. Winky as David Bowie from Labyrinth*
ARRRRGGGGHHHH MY BRAIN!
Soon coming to a theater near you:
I excel at the inane.
*puts the brain bleach into the flask and passes it around*
I prefer Sparklepire, but I forget who came up with that.
A few of my fellow Anti-Twilight friends and I on deviantart call them “Meyerpires” (as Stephanie Meyer wrote that waste of paper)
(and I LIKE vampire stories… just not that one)
I totally don’t remember that, Taco, got a link?
If he does, it’s massive.
But of course, I thought that was implied 🙂
Well I just sorta squicked myself out with something, so I thought I’d share it with everyone!
I figured out why he wants to summon something. This guy is obviously a demonophile and wants to force a demon female into service as his eternal sex toy. It’s not objectifying women if it’s a demon, right?
Alternately (and worse) he wants a powerful, well endowed demon to dominate him forcefully.
Enjoy the menal images.
P.S. In my squicky mental image, the dominating demon has barbs. You’re welcome.
TGasmic: Do you want your meds before or after the lunch noodles?
Before lunch but after the story about the rabbits.
I’ve never had a *menal* image before, and I’m not sure I want to.
Nice repartee, Astro.
I think we’re 1-1 in this fencing match.
George will tell you story about the rabbit farm later.
Curley said something about his wife and the barn. Know anything about that?
I think you just described almost every hentai (don’t google that Astro) ever made. The rest involve tentacled aliens.
Thanks SJ. If there was one thing I needed to be reminded of this morning it’s violent alien tentacle hentai.
You started it.
Ew.
(I didn’t Google it, but I did find out the meaning of the word in 7th Grade from a kid who’d recently moved from Japan.)
Well, of course you wouldn’t want the creature to be enraged right before it goes looking for your missing socks – it might eat them. A calm creature, though, is an excellent sock-finder.
And no bloodshed b/c I don’t want blood on my socks!
I can’t even summon my socks out of the drawer. I guess this is just one more fabulous CraigsList job that I’ll never have.
And I just now noticed the title of the post, I’m a little slow this
morni ngweekmon thyearlifetime.I think you need a ‘reality challenged’ tag.
We’d have to use it on 99.99999% of the ads posted.
Anybody remember the story I told a while back about a lady calling the Lutheran seminary I worked at, wanting an exorcism because of her renter causing the furniture to move on its own?
I think we found the renter.
I will never find a cool job. Mannnn… I can’t even summon enough snark to comment on this ad.
I do, however, have three little minions. They hardly ever do my bidding, but perhaps someone else would have better luck with them. I’m fairly confident they are from another dimension. That would explain everything
that I can’t blame on their father.Would it be plagiarism if I used this Craiglist ad as the basis for a book? Because I can see all sorts of ways for this to lead to a rollicking good time…
C’mon everyone sing along!
Follow the bouncing Baal!!
The Baaltles
Hey Dude don’t make it mad
You’ll take a bad Baal and make it bitter
Remember don’t let it rip out your heart
Or you cant send it out to get her
Hey Dude don’t be afraid
It was conjured to go out and get her
The minute you let it under her skin
Then you’ll begin to feel better
And any time you feel pain, Hey Dude, restrain
Don’t get carried to a place that really smolders
For well you know that it’s a tool who plays with ghouls
It makes this world a little odder
Da da da da da
Who’s your daddy
Hey Dude don’t get to down
It has found her and gone and gotten her
Remember to let it eat her heart
Then it can start to get a bit fatter
So let it out and let it sin
Hey Dude begin
You’re waiting for a summoner to perform it
And don’t you know that I’ll screw you
Hey Dude you’ll do
The motivation I need is in your wallet
Da da da da da
Who’s your daddy
Hey Dude don’t make it mad
You’ll take a bad Baal and make it bitter
The minute you let it under her skin
Then you begin to feel better
Better, better, better, better, better, Yeah,Yeah,Yeah
What? No Zuul, the minion of Gozer reference?
No, I’m just having a Baal today.
I’ll Gozer off and Zuul on my pillow later after I empty Lola’s flask a couple times.
I think Michael Jackson’s estate owns the rights to that song, Ham. Careful who you conjure; you just might get a PO’d Pepsi-version MJ that will really light up your life.
The biggest danger I can think of from a “flaming” MJ ghost appearing in front of me would be laughing myself to death.
Bwahahahaarrrrggghhh!!
*coff coff*
Ahem.
Thriller indeed!
*POOOF, MJ’s ghost appears in a could of hair smoke*
“Hey look everyone I found my other glove”
It could have been a cloud too…
I thought Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono had all the rights to the Lennon/McCartney songs again?
I answer the call! I am a writer and I can summon forth anything and cause it to spring to life on the page!!
Wait, will I have to cut my price for it being a paper summon? What if I carved it in stone?
Sparky can’t read so well, so a paper summon might not do him much good. Maybe if you offer to read aloud to Sparky he’ll be willing to pay you.
I am not insane nor stupid.
Yeah…. Thanks for clearing that up for us.
Windrose did not have a good day.
And I’m tired from summoning up every kind of beat-down on JF I can imagine.
So, IF will have to wait for the official avian battery.
G’nite, 7rh Dimention, and see’ya Space Cowboy [insert Real Folk Blues]
Best wishes for a better day, Windrose. (hug)
Ah, you are too kind to me, Cap’n and Lola. My day wasn’t too bad, but I couldn’t sit at the computer for very long last night. So, let me conclude this very important ceremony!
Irregular Fractal! Your lyrical contributions have earned you this. Punchity Punch Punch! (TM) (Accept no unlicensed substitutes.)
I always make it a habit to license my substitutes. And make sure they’ve had their rabies shots. 🙂
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