YSaC, Vol 930: You can count on me. Actually, you probably can’t.
Hey folks!
It’s time for more Cat Math!
CALL DUCKES THREE – $15
ONE WHITE TWOGRAYS 15.00 ALL MIKE ### ####
Old King Mike was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he!
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, and he called for his duckes three!
Or possibly five. Actually, I now have Isaac Hayes’ voice in my head, playing someone named “Mike”:
“Three ducks, baby… five ducks… it don’t matter… they’re aaaaallll Mike.”
Speaking of Mikes:
3 Professional Microphones for sale with Leather Bag – $35
I have 3 Professional Mics for sale All come with Leather Bag!!! All work like New!!! $35 each or $100 for all 3!!! ###-###-####
Audio-Technica P640HE, Fender P-51 and a Audio-Technica P610
All are Heavy and made of Metal Not plastic
“Three mikes, baby.. five mikes… it don’t matter… they’re aaaaallll Mikes!”
But the good news is – we at least now know where America is learning these fine counting skills, thanks to an alert reader:
Thanks for the links, Mike! Er, I mean, Lynette, Eric, and Alex!
You have my undying love Ostrimu for that cat math picture.
I would also like to say that clearly Twograys is a species of bird.
It’s a very dry martini.
I’ll have a double.
Make mine dirty.
I’ll take a dirty double. Very dirty. And a towel.
You got a double!
:points to Golden Lotus:
You have multiple massive comments that won’t fit in the box.
You should always know where your towel is.
I’ll take mine with a trowel…..
Oh, my! A double. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that second burrito yesterday.
I know where my towel is, but I don’t want to foul it with a an extremely dirty double.
Y’all are more than welcome to the gin (it does bery, bery, bery bad tings to dis wabbit). Bit of GrayGoose and a splash of bitters, though . . .
Eponymous tea mavens?
This really quackes me up.
And no ech0 at all … all … all . . .
“Quack[e], damn you.” – James “The Walrus” Hyneman.
:sigh:
Do they even cover basic counting in school anymore? Are they using that time to teach all the little Sparkies and Sparkles how to make different faces using various punctuation marks?
Counting is just a theory. Schools should teach the controversy.
The theory of numbers has never been proven. I think you should be ashamed for espousing such flimsy flim-flammery ’round these parts!
If it has been proven, then why, after all this time, can they still not explain why 7 8 9? Answer me that.
Did you get that out of the Macmillan/McGraw-Hill Cat Math Joke Book? Or was it something by Houghton-Mifflin?
Uh … it was written by someone named Triffid or Euler or — wait, Euclid. That was it. Barney Euclid. Published by McMilkshake-Trout.
At least is wasn’t the Scott Foreskin publication of “Oh, look. Jane’s got a Dick!”
Milkshake and trout in the same sentence made me vomit a little.
Wait until you try the anchovy-peanut butter waffles.
They’re hurlicious.
And just think: Somewhere on the other side of the world, someone is most likely sitting down to a plate of something very much like this.
Why 7 8 9?
Duh, 9 had bacon!
Hmm, trying to not imagine assimilating Seven of Nine . . .
Coming to Syfy this fall: Half man, half duck, all Mike!
Fowl Play II: The Return of Duckman!
I have it from a completely unreliable source that the Great White Sharquid in “Mutant Sea Horrors That Are Totally Not Based On Characters From A Recent Blockbuster Movie!” is named Mike.
Presumably the “Duckes Three” are named Abnegazar, Rath & Ghast…
On the plus side, the ” $35 each or $100 for all three” deal on the microphones actually works out the way it should for once.
And that’s the only thing keeping the last shred of my faith in humanity from totally crumbling.
Aww, you still have a shred? I did have one, or two, or was it five? Anyways, I looked around for it and it was gone. But then it was there again. I think I may have put it in my 3-drore derssr’s fourth drorer.
I don’t want to think about what might happen when this shred is gone. I’m afraid I might become a Sparky. ::shudder::
Either a Sparky or a psychotic mass-murderer, I think. Tough choice, but at least with the mass-murderer option you can have a cool House of Horrors / secret lair / ‘People’s* palace’, dpeending on what flavour of villain you are.
*NB in this context ‘People’ means ‘me, my mates/favourite sycophants, a trusted minister or two, several hundred concubines and a badger’. What? Tyrants can have pets too.
I’ll take it, just for the badger.
Do I have to keep the concubines, though? I find their small talk so tedious.
You let them talk?!?!
What else am I supposed to do with them?
Well, ahem, I mean, you know… I mean, mine spent today cleaning my truck full o’ bees, actually. Now all my apian friends are manicured and fuzzed and polished within an inch of their tiny little lives!
Phew! That was a hard on to dodge…
I’ve always wanted a hollowed-out volcano lair, with the optional shark-mounted laser pointers.
Gotta have something to keep the
concubinescats busy.Well played, Jen. I was hoping you’d take that and run with it.
I was gonna take it, like a man, but then I remembered last time I took something and ran with it. The cops were super understanding, in the end, but really, if you’re not prepared for the theft of your seating apparatus, don’t instruct mischevious-minded lawyerettes to ‘take a seat’!
Are “Call Duckes” like call girls?
Similar. The duckes are cheaper and not as much fun.
And the ducks make a lot of noise, so if you aren’t in to that, look elsewhere.
So if they’re all named Mike, how do they know which one you want if you call them?
You have to use their last names.
Which is pretty tough, because unless they’ve Americanized them to McDuck or Duckington or Duckson, they’re always some impossible to pronounce like Kwaaxaakxkk, or Kwaa-kquaaa-kwaa or Bianchi.
Yeah, I’m part duck. What’s it to you?
Which part?
Is it the cloaca?
@sarajean:
🙂
“Is you name not Mike, then?”
“No.”
“Well, that’ll cause a bit o’confusion!”
“Mind if we call you Mike, just to keep it clear?
Right, ‘Crack Two!’ Now to the Reading of the Rules of the Philosophy Department of the University of Wallamaloo!”
Immanuel Kant was a
real pissant who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could
think you under the table
There’s nothing Neitzsche couldn’t teach ya ’bout the raising of the wrist. Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
Mike is writing the sequel to One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have all of his ducks in a row yet.
One duck, two ducks, white duck, twogray duck.
Brown duck, green duck, free duck, mean duck.
This one has a bag full of Mikes,
This one has 3 of 5 and four mikes.
Say what a lot of ducks there are!
Yes, sometimes five and sometimes three.
Sometimes they cost cereal, sometimes they’re free!
Some are just hopeless, unproven theory.
So why are they three, free, and theory?
I don’t know… TRUCK FULL OF BEES!
*Runs away*
You spelled “duckem” wrong.
[Matt]
You people!
It’s OBVIOUS!
Of course theres tree Duckes they’re.
The other one is a Duque!
Duh!
[/matt]*
__________________________
* Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow–braine hurtes bade gnow
THERE. ARE. FOUR. DUCKS.
*cries*
What is it with animals?
But only one of them appears to be in the light, so is there only one light?
Don’t go into the light!
Once, twice,
fivethree times a ducky!I hear that’s the Lionel Cheese Head’s favorite aquatic mammal-themed song.
When did ducks become mammals?
It’s that new Cat Biology.
It also says that newts are now a form of animate tree fungus.
When tigers became lions, and 4 became 3, and when cats began to do math better than most high-school graduates.
::cries::
She’s a brick… duck.
“This just isn’t right,” Mike sighed.
“What’s not right?” Mic asked.
“I never get included in anything.” Mike said, folding his cord dejectedly.
“Well,” Mic began, not wanting to point out the obvious yet again, “you are the black sheep of this family.”
“I know, I know.” Mike replied, sadly, “it’s just that I can’t help it..whenever that Jagger guy picks me up and hits the switch to sing I really think I’m doing a public service by turning myself off!”
“Look, Mike, I agree with you. Hell, we all agree with you. But that’s not how the game is played.”
“I know. I just can’t help it.” Mike said realizing things would never change, and he’d never get a chance to get outta this dump if he didn’t start playing by the rules.
“Hey guys I’m just gonna take a picture of these old microphones to go with our listing.”
It was that Jagger dude, and he was coming towards Mike’s brothers with a camera in his hand.
“Here ya go fellas, you’ve been good to us but it’s time you moved on.” Jagger said as he lined up Mic, Fender and Technia.
Mike, left to the side waited as Jagger put the camera up to his face.
It was then that he made his move.
The expression on the cat’s face implies to me that it finds cat/math as bewildering as we do.
My cats find anything more complicated than a spoon bewildering.
This kitty completely agrees. Spoons are evil.
Oh geez, is there anything the Interwebby doesn’t hold?
Seriously funny stuff…for the first 30 seconds…
Clearly, Noodles was protecting her food.
It would have been a LOT funnier if one of those swipes had managed to impale her tormentors hand.
Oh, I guess there’s matt tags that belong with this.
That was painful.
Just because there are some people who seem to make a career out of being Irish, that’s no reason to commit slurs against them, or their wife (collective wife, in this case? polygyny, anyone?)!
My Irish grandmother takes offense at that and so do her five husbands.
Irish Granny must be a busy girl, or possibly has a spacious garden with oddly spaced flower beds.
Now, polyandry is a perfectly logical way to maintain matriarchal hegemony.
Y’know, Capn, I almost understood that…but then I was all like, WTF??
Cap’n talk pretty.
Him always do.
I understood it.
**is in shock**
*picks up catulator, wonders at the white feather sticking out of its mouth*
Okay, take three duckes four, divide by the co-tangent of Yorkshire pudding, and you get….
…..uuuuuuuuurpppppppp….
Totally OT: I think I just peed myself laughing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZA1NoOOoaNw#at=136
“Hey,” Mike whispered conspiratorially to MikeTwo.
“What?” MikeTwo whispered back.
Mike looked around furtively. “Hey, who’s the new guy?”
“New guy?” MikeTwo asked. “Where? What new guy?”
“There!” Mike said, bobbing in the general direction of somewhere behind MikeTwo, who started to turn to follow the gaze. “Tsst! Don’t look look. Just look.”
"Gotcha," MikeTwo said as he slowly, surreptitiously turned to try and catch a glimpse of this new fellow out of the corner of his eye. He briefly caught a flash, and he immediately knew it wasn't anybody he knew. "Huh. I dunno. Never saw him before. Where's MikeThree?"
"Psssssst!” Mike hissed as secretively as he could, trying to keep his voice down. “Psssst! Hey, MikeThree, where you at?”
MikeThree’s head popped up from behind a bush. “What?”
“Shhhh! Mike and MikeTwo shushed frantically.
“What’s the deal?” MikeThree said in slightly lower tones as he made his way over to the other two.
“You’ve got a better view,” Mike whispered. “Who’s the new guy?”
“Where?” MikeThree asked.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” Mike sighed. “Right behind us, you must be staring right at him!”
MikeThree peered over his shoulders and saw the stranger a few feet behind. “I dunno. Never saw him before. He’s … different.”
“You noticed that too, huh?” MikeTwo said. “I didn’t get a good look, but he’s not like the rest of us.
Mike and MikeThree quietly hummed their agreement. “Different colour,” MikeThree noted, and the other two again murmured that they’d noticed the same thing.
“Should we go over and talk to him?” MikeTwo asked.
“I dunno. You think he’s friendly?” Mike asked.
“Hard to say,” MikeThree replied, trying to observe the newcomer discreetly as he did so. “He’s not doing much, just wandering around. Not much to go by.”
“I think we should.” MikeTwo said.
“Okay, you first, then.” Mike responded, with MikeThree following suit.
That decided, MikeTwo turned and got a good look at the stranger for the first time. He looked more or less like the rest of them in terms of shape and size, but he was quite clearly a very different colour than the rest. They’d never seen the like. He made his way slowly over, the other Mikes close behind.
“Hey,” MikeTwo said to the new guy.
“Hey,” Mike echoed.
“Hey,” MikeThree finished.
The newbie turned to face them and said, “Gerhinter.”
The three Mikes exchanged furtive glances. “Hey, uh,” MikeTwo tried to continue his intro duction. “I’m MikeTwo. This here is Mike, and that’s MikeThree.”
The new guy followed MikeTwo’s gestures to each in turn, and then stared at MikeTwo for an ucomfortably long time. MikeTwo shifted his stance nervously. “So, um … what … what do people call you?”
The stranger cocked his head momentarily. “Ahma nam frundsey coller me Mike.”
Again, the trio exchanged a look, but they were able to pick out what they were looking for. “Ah … uh, Mike? You said your name was Mike?” Mike said.
“Yers,” Mike — the other Mike — said, bobbing his head. “Mike.”
“But, uh,” Mike — the original Mike said. “Yeah, um, my name is Mike, too–”
“Ah!” the new Mike exclaimed, “Yorma nam iser a Mike alzo?”
“Yeah,” original Mike said. “So, you know, if you’re going to be sticking around, that could cause some confusion, you know?”
“Cernfarzin, yers um curse,” new Mike nodded.
“Riiiight,” original Mike said. “Sooo, yeah. So we’re going to have to, you know, like, figure out a name for you or something, so we don’t get confused when someone calls out the name Mike, right?”
“Cernfarzin Mike rate!”
“So, what should we call you?” original Mike asked.
“Coller me.”
“Um, yeah. Call you. What should we call you?”
“Coller me?”
“Right,” original Mike gave up. “Okay, we’re just going to call you NewMike, okay?”
“Nummike, OK!” NewMike exclaimed, appearing to enjoy this game.
“So, NewMike, where are you from?”
“Oh! OK, Mike camen frum Noo Broonswhack!”
Mike thought about that for moment. “Oh, you mean New Brunswick, in Canada, on the Atlantic?”
“Ner!” NewMike said. “Noo Broonswhack, Noo Jorsey!”
“Jersey,” Mike said, shaking his head slightly. “Right. Okay. So, um … NewMike–”
“Nummike!” NewMike exclaimed.
“Yes, NewMike–”
“Nummike!” NewMike shouted again. He really liked this game.
“Yes, as I said. So. How long are you here for?”
“Herfar?” NewMike said quizzically.
“Here for,” Mike enunciated. “How long are you going to be staying here for?”
“Oh!” Mike exclaimed in understanding. “I here fur lurng tame! Bosser come poot Mike here!”
The three Mikes looked at each other, puzzled. “Why?” Mike spoked up.
“Becoosey Mike–”
“NewMike,” Mike corrected.”
“Nummike!” NewMike exclaimed.
Mike sighed.
“Zoo,” NewMike continued, “Bosser he lake Mike for bread!”
The trio looked at each other, then back at mike. “Bread?” they asked in unison.
“Bread, yers!” NewMike replied. “Aye am for bread! Weir maken fur noo babbies!”
Mike scratched his head. “Noo babb– wait … breed? Breed You’re here to breed?”
“Bread, yers!” NewMike said enthusiastically.
“You’re a stud?” Mike said incredulously.
“Yers! Studden fur noo babbies! Aye meek noo babbies werth yoo leadees!”
“New babbies werth–” Mike’s eyes siddenly went wide as dinner plates. “Babbies? Er– babies? With us?!”
“Babbies!” Mike said eagerly. “Babbies werth yoo leadees!”
“Wait, no, we’re guys! Guys! You can’t mate with us!”
“Ah!” NewMike giggled. “Pleer dat heard to git! Mike enjooy these!”
“No, guys! Men! Males! Manly men like you!”
“Man! Yes, Mike am men! Mike like cloaca! Yoo hers cloaca!”
“Craaaaaap!” Mike screamed as he ran.
Adores for using cloaca in several sentences. You don’t see that very often. 8)
Oddly I was going for something completely neutral ‘cos the story could have been applied to either the ducks or the mikes (both have an “odd man out”) but by the time I got to the end … well, either way I tried to describe an opening of any sort would have tied it to one or the other, and cloaca comes off funnier than socket. 🙂
Yes, definitely not enough cloaca in popular fiction these days…
*makes note to get to work on that right away*
Well here you go:
Cloaca the poo machine
“Hi, I got your number from the guy who was selling the microphones.”
“Yes? What can I do for you?”
“Well, I know the ad said they all come with leather bag, but you actually took the bag home.”
“Right.”
“So I have a gig tomorrow, and I was wondering if I could borrow the bag. I promise to bring it right back in two days.”
*click*
You take the blond and I’ll take the brunette.
BLUCHER!!
1 – Mick Jagger
2 – Mick Dundee
3 – McDonald
5. Mick Jones
(Rock the quacksbah)
Mikhail Baryshnikov
Mickey Dolenz
Mickey M-O-U-S-E
Mickey Rourke
Abercrombie & Mick
Mickey Hart
Mickey Gilley
On the Fifth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me, five dirty birds.
Four microphones
Three of each
Or could be two
And a non-counting, dumbass Sparky.
It’s snack time!
Everyone line up for quackers and mic.
I’m glad that I can come to this site during lunch (yayy for not being blocked) and laugh even when I’m about to DIE from student teaching nightmares.
I think the extra mic was there for scale.
M R not ducks!
O S M R Ducks,
C D M E D B D feet.
L I B,
M R ducks.
*throws many webbed doors at DG*
How about them feathers?
Mindfield and Mindfield, here are your Punchity Punch Punches! Wham, Pow!
I rather enjoyed that.
G’Night, Stuttgart, Arkansas!
I’m only seeing four duckes, not five…although in fairness, the pic’s so bad any one of those grayish speckled areas could be ducke #5.
We’ve found a way to get Americans interested in math! All variables will be replaced with kitties!